Miracles do happen.

[Justmd]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

And what is age difference between you and your girlfriend? 

MissA...I am so impressed with her that I am certain I will ask her to be my wife.

[Justmd]

She is 35 and I am 46.

Why did you award yourself an eleven-year age gap when your hypothetical daughter only gets five?

21-25 and 35-46 is a huge gap in maturity...you should know this as a parent.

[Larry]

Justmd,
We understand by now that you vehemently disapprove of twenty year age gap relationships.  But  Mark and his wife are married, quite possibly happily.  Why keep trying to gin up opprobrium on him/them?

Answer me this...what would any man who is in mid to late 40's have in common with a lady 20+ years younger?

sex...hot body?

A good relationship is about much more than sex. You want to find a powerful emotional connection with the other person.  But if you are lucky enough to find this, maybe you won't let an age gap deter you.  And as for what you find in common, it can be attitudes about family and raising children, attitudes about love and marriage, and many other things.

It's clear that you love your girlfriend. Would you have disregarded her if she was ten years younger? Different people mature at different ages.

[Justmd]

Larry,

I did reject (in a nice way) young ladies who wrote to me and could have been a complete ass because I was only looking for a fine young lady to sex up...but I looked for a good woman and found Marina!

Said this many times now but she is the best lady I have meet and I leave next Friday to see her! 

[TomT]

21-25 and 35-46 is a huge gap in maturity...

The framing of your statement leaves much to be desired. Nonetheless, I know what you meant, even though it's not what you wrote.

It's reasonable that a 35-year-old woman would make more sensible decisions than a 21-year-old girl. However, there is no assurance that a 46-year-old guy will make more sensible decisions than a 25-year-old kid. In fact, the forum archives are littered with examples of guys, your age, who made terrible decisions.

[Rasputin]

21-25 and 35-46 is a huge gap in maturity...you should know this as a parent.

If you take the two extremes, 21 and 46, then yes. However, the differences between the 25 and 35 year olds will be minimal. I will cite personal experience: my wife was 26 and I was 36 when we met. I would not say there is a "huge gap" in maturity 

[Justmd]

21-25 and 35-46 is a huge gap in maturity...

The framing of your statement leaves much to be desired. Nonetheless, I know what you meant, even though it's not what you wrote.

It's reasonable that a 35-year-old woman would make more sensible decisions than a 21-year-old girl. However, there is no assurance that a 46-year-old guy will make more sensible decisions than a 25-year-old kid. In fact, the forum archives are littered with examples of guys, your age, who made terrible decisions.

My decisions are all on me and good with it.

[Donhollio]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

 What pull would you have over your adult daughter? At age 21 she is an adult and you have no legal obligations towards her. At that age she is free to choose and do as she wants, if not at 18yo. It won't sit well with you, but really there is nothing you can do.

 Back when I was in my 30's, I saw the girls I hung with getting married or into long term relationships. I slowly saw the hot girls disappear from my social circle. As time wore on I still connected to the 20 something crowd, and in a few discussions with girls it became apparent that they were tired of the younger guys playing with them, and enjoyed the 30 somethings guy who no longer took the 20 somethings for granted. 
 In the end the girl found a better guy.

 Take Tom and Nessi, they have some similar interests. Tom is a fit guy who doesn't sit on his ass all weekend watching sports on TV, he's active.  How many active 60 yo females do you know? It's apparent from what he posts to me that Tom would leave a similar aged partner in the dust.  It's not so much the age, its how old you act.

[AvHdB]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

 What pull would you have over your adult daughter? At age 21 she is an adult and you have no legal obligations towards her. At that age she is free to choose and do as she wants, if not at 18yo. It won't sit well with you, but really there is nothing you can do.

 Back when I was in my 30's, I saw the girls I hung with getting married or into long term relationships. I slowly saw the hot girls disappear from my social circle. As time wore on I still connected to the 20 something crowd, and in a few discussions with girls it became apparent that they were tired of the younger guys playing with them, and enjoyed the 30 somethings guy who no longer took the 20 somethings for granted. 
 In the end the girl found a better guy.

 Take Tom and Nessi, they have some similar interests. Tom is a fit guy who doesn't sit on his ass all weekend watching sports on TV, he's active.  How many active 60 yo females do you know? It's apparent from what he posts to me that Tom would leave a similar aged partner in the dust.  It's not so much the age, its how old you act.

Donhillo's post defines the crux of the "problem" Some men enjoy life as well as some women enjoy life but a majority of the population at age 50 are worrying about there retirement and whether they need liposuction. With matters of the heart I have a difficult time with inflexible rules.

The women in Connecticut and Amsterdam tend to be hardened and bitter. The men often boring and disconnected. If a man can find a woman (often younger) who understands life than the two can be a richer pair together.

Some of us admire Katherine Hepburn but there are few women in Connecticut who have/had this vitality. That is why some of us find our selves perhaps by accident but sometimes by intent with younger women.

Is it evil no - is it healthy perhaps. It's just what it is, risks and rewards go with this.

[Ade]

There aren't many absolutes in issues like this, so there's no generalized one-size fits all description. 

There are predators, control freaks and nuttters out there that will look to exploit very young, messed up, self-destructive girls with "daddy" issues; there seems to be at least one of them around on these FSUW forums. Of course, once these girls reach the age of majority, bad choice or not, it's their choice to make.

Still, as the tail end of that ever present bell curve would dictate, there will likely be a very small number of young women that thrive in these large age gap relationships. After all, not all men in large age disparate relationships with very young women, and by young I mean early twenties and younger, are control freaks and abusive nut jobs, or at least they don't seem to be. Perhaps they can be accused of being unwise in their choices, particularly when it's so well known that people usually change radically during their late teens and twenties. Add that to the already complex equation of cultural difference and language barrier challenges, and it's not a recipe for long term wedded bliss, at least it wouldn't be for the vast majority of couples.

But, some, like Mark and Anna, seem to fit and their relationship works, at least for now. How it will continue to develop is anyone's guess but it's no certain thing, one way or the other. The infamous KenC found to his cost that no matter how much you love someone, a large age difference and those pesky twenty-something changes can make a marriage untenable. Still, he got 10 years out of it, the same as my ex-wife and I and we had a lot less of a difference between us, so who am I to judge? Of course, my ex-marriage was stormy and, from reading between the lines of his later posts, Ken's marriage wasn't exactly a walk in the park all the time either. 

So I wouldn't recommend an extremely large age gap to anyone and would certainly discourage those looking for a relationship with a woman below their mid-twenties unless they were also very young.

Perhaps I'm being a little hypocritical as my wife and I have 13 years between us. I used to think, when she first contacted me, that this was a huge difference and I was very concerned back then. It took me some time to get my head around it but I'm glad I didn't listen to that negative voice as our relationship is the best I've ever had. She was 29 at the time though. Do I think it would have been any different if she were 20 and I 33?  Well, good question. I've no idea. But I do know that if she'd been 20 and I 42, I wouldn't have even responded to her first mail; I know that I wouldn't fit with a 20 year old and even if we did click, I wouldn't have trusted that we would fit through the changes that are likely to occur during her twenties.

My advice is to look for a person that fits you, not for an age, but with the following qualification; age is not "just a number", and the lower it is in relation to the age difference between two people, the more it should factor in to people's decisions.

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

  Not that I'm keeping track but that has to be one of the silliest things you've said to date. 

[AvHdB]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

MD guy, several years back I informed discretely my children that I was seeing a teenager. She a couple years earlier lied about her age to get into University and we both enjoyed each others company. She was in some matters insecure and in others brilliant. Further she was Slavic in an English University.

Anyways a month latter a call comes from my daughters mother. Miss Daughter is seeing some twenty odd years older! OH I thought, a long silence, and than the mother this is horrible.

Well I asked is he abusive, no.
Is our daughter enjoying herself, yes.
Is she learning things, yes.
Is she safe? yes according to our son

Well lets see what happens in several months was my reply. Latter I spoke with my daughter and it turned out that the guy had lost his family in an accident and the relationship was far more platonic than we assumed. It ended in a positive way as did my relationship.

I think parents would be far wiser if they gave more credit and responsibility to there children in North America than they do at present.

[rosco]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

Justmd, to me you seem like decent guy with his heart in the right place. Sometimes a bit fired up or sensitive and I kind of understand where your coming from here. I don't have any children yet but when the day comes, of course I'll have my ideals but all I really want is their health & happiness.

You commented positively on my TR but my fiancé is 20 & I'm 31. My birthdays a month earlier so infact at some point it'll be 32 & 20. At times I've had little moments of deep thought & even reflected on what my friends & family may think. But what matters most in our relation certainly isn't age but our love and happiness. I've dated girls with a far smaller age gap & never felt what I have now. To use that old cliche again - age is just a number 

[welder]

That was a well thought out response Ade, nice job.

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

  Not that I'm keeping track but that has to be one of the silliest things you've said to date. 

Justmd, aka "speed reader", appears to have increased the frequency of posts as he approaches the 500 magic mark.  Perhaps the redundant rapid fire responses will subside soon.

[djfourmoney]

 Irina - 31 (Belarus)
 Karisa - 27 (Sao Paulo, BR)
 Elena - 27 (Some small town I forgot the name of in Ukraine)
 Kamila - 28 (Warsaw, Poland)

 I'm 41....

 

[Millaa]

Irina - 31 (Belarus)
 Karisa - 27 (Sao Paulo, BR)
 Elena - 27 (Some small town I forgot the name of in Ukraine)
 Kamila - 28 (Warsaw, Poland)

 I'm 41....

What's strange? I do prefer guys height on 20 cm and age on 10 years more then mine

[NS1]

Justmd Seems you have little faith in your own daughters ability to make choices as an adult!
You also have a different standard for your self and her, Why because your a wise man?
Kinda hypocritical statement really.


Age truly is a number and yes some will make big work, most won't but 10 years IMO
is not a big gap. 20 is big, but still more than doable for many people, again IMO.

[AvHdB]

Irina - 31 (Belarus)
 Karisa - 27 (Sao Paulo, BR)
 Elena - 27 (Some small town I forgot the name of in Ukraine)
 Kamila - 28 (Warsaw, Poland)

 I'm 41....

That is some traveling ~ will not be a wmvm sort of travel report.

Might be handy to know where Elena lives. Off course just ask the taxi driver at the airport and he can organize an Elena for the night!

[Brasscasing]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

So, am I to understand all this emotional tough guy talk is fantasy because you actually don't have a daughter, is that correct?

 I've seen two instances of OTT comments from you on this topic in as many days, Justmd. Your made up what if, Walter Mittyish "Gee, if only I had an adult daughter, I'd show those guys who she tried to date what's what, I tell you." scenarios are childish.

Why don't you fantasize about something soothing  and post about that? Intrusive thoughts of violence aimed at fantasy suitors coming to visit a non existant adult daughter isn't very healthy.   

She was 17 and he was 43 when they meet, anyone else see how wrong this is?

Where did you get the idea Anna was 17 when she and Mark met? Is this also part of the fantasy now?

Brass

[TomT]

Where did you get the idea Anna was 17 when she and Mark met?

If you keep this discussion going with questions, you are running the risk that he will climb back on his soapbox.

[Justmd]

Justmd Seems you have little faith in your own daughters ability to make choices as an adult!
You also have a different standard for your self and her, Why because your a wise man?
Kinda hypocritical statement really.


Age truly is a number and yes some will make big work, most won't but 10 years IMO
is not a big gap. 20 is big, but still more than doable for many people, again IMO.

I don't have a daughter ( I said if ) My son is 23 yrs old and since it was brought up, how would I look to him if would one day I introduce a hot, young 21 yr old FSW to him and pronounce she will soon be his step-mother? my son would lose respect for me and I would not blame him.

But if I did have a daughter what was hypocritical about what I said?  a woman at the age of 21 is a totally different lady maturity wise at the age of 31. If I had a daughter and she brought a man home 5 yrs older and maybe 10 yrs older I would not have issue with it as long as he was a good man since they would both be in the general age group....20+ years is too much.

"Age truly is a number" I assume is what older men say when trying to justify chasing after a much younger lady.

[Justmd]

Where did you get the idea Anna was 17 when she and Mark met?

If you keep this discussion going with questions, you are running the risk that he will climb back on his soapbox.

It was mentioned they meet 6 years ago, she is now 23.

Climbing off the soapbox and gently pushing over to you Tom. 

[Justmd]

If I had a 21-25 year old daughter 5 years difference would be the limit, If a man in his mid to late 40's showed up at my door then he would leave my home embarrassed.

So, am I to understand all this emotional tough guy talk is fantasy because you actually don't have a daughter, is that correct?

 I've seen two instances of OTT comments from you on this topic in as many days, Justmd. Your made up what if, Walter Mittyish "Gee, if only I had an adult daughter, I'd show those guys who she tried to date what's what, I tell you." scenarios are childish.

She was 17 and he was 43 when they meet, anyone else see how wrong this is?

Where did you get the idea Anna was 17 when she and Mark met? Is this also part of the fantasy now?

Brass

I have a large, close family with many nieces at this very young age, plus a large group of close friends whose children have now grown into the early 20's, Also I have raised my son alone since he was 4, so what is your point....I stated clearly " if " I had a daughter, but the fact that my son is 23 I think I can have a opinion as to why it to odd.

So you are fine with old men chasing after young ladies? if so please come out and state this.

"Is this also part of the fantasy now?" what the hell are you talking about with this whole entire post sir?

[welder]

Mark Davis,

You are 49 and your wife is 23...my son is 23! I have nothing else to say on this TR.

For a guy with nothing else to say.........just saying

[Justmd]

Justmd,
We understand by now that you vehemently disapprove of twenty year age gap relationships.  But  Mark and his wife are married, quite possibly happily.  Why keep trying to gin up opprobrium on him/them?

Answer me this...what would any man who is in mid to late 40's have in common with a lady 20+ years younger?

sex...hot body?

A good relationship is about much more than sex. You want to find a powerful emotional connection with the other person.  But if you are lucky enough to find this, maybe you won't let an age gap deter you.  And as for what you find in common, it can be attitudes about family and raising children, attitudes about love and marriage, and many other things.

It's clear that you love your girlfriend. Would you have disregarded her if she was ten years younger? Different people mature at different ages.

The answer to your question is yes, I would not have pursued her since that would have made her 24 instead of 34, I was looking for a life long partner that I had something in common with, I could care less what anyone else thinks but what would a guy 46 have in common with a woman 24?

  Think so much is getting lost in translation here, it would be one thing if a man just happened on a woman and they just hit it off from the start for no good reason other than chemistry and she happened to be 21-24 years old, But most men who are looking to FSW and are making plans to find such a young bride/girlfriend.

Seems I have struck a nerve here with many guys...not saying you.

[Justmd]

Mark Davis,

You are 49 and your wife is 23...my son is 23! I have nothing else to say on this TR.

For a guy with nothing else to say.........just saying

I know...