Odyssey to Odessa my first trip to the FSU years ago

[2tallbill]

Some years ago, I was recently divorced and had always seen these
advertisements in my email about HOT Russian women who would
marry a guy and they would live happily ever after !!!

So I decided to research the subject and after quite a bit of eye popping
photos I found a long forgotten forum. I started reading and reading and
reading. I learned quite a bit (I thought) and read all kinds of trip reports
about how all these guys would go off and horribly fail or find true love or
something in between.

I figured that I could do as well as those guys and back then the long
forgotten forum had these advertisements on the side and I figured if
they advertised there then they must be good. (WRONG)

So I signed up for Elenas Models, A Pretty Woman and Russian Love Match (RLM). 
I got a couple digital photos, slapped together a profile and I was off and Running.
I put together an introduction letter and wrote a bunch of hotties. I also received
letters from a bunch as well.

That's when I learned about video chat on RLM. I started chatting with several girls
and after some sifting I decided to visit Odessa and meet a 28 year old single parent
named Natalia.

[2tallbill]

Stirlitz was a regular poster at a long forgotten forum and I had heard good things
about him so I hired him to be my guide. I had traveled to Western Europe, England
and several times to Italy but this would be my first trip behind the Iron Curtain.



Natalia didn't know English and Stirlitz would translate, arrange transportation, a cell
phone, apartment etc.

[2tallbill]

It was a miserable trip. I forget all the details, I flew first to Amsterdam
(I think) then on to Kiev. On the plane they give you a little scrap of paper
which looks like newspaper which you fill out the exact same information at
the top and at the bottom.

When I arrived in Kiev I walked up to passport control and gave them my
passport and the little scrap of paper and then the man asked me where I
was staying. I didn't know so I said "I don't know"

He told me to go back to America and come back when I know where I am
staying.               

Whoops !!! I made arrangements but I didn't know that I would have to tell
anyone about them, nobody ever asked me that before.  I had Stirlitz to pick
me up when I arrive in Odessa and take me there so why would I need to know?   

Lesson One: carry the address where you are staying with you

So I used one of my standard tactics that rarely fails. I did my Big Dumb American
impression and just stood there looking dumb and not saying a word. If I can't out
smart them I can always out dumb them and after a seemingly long time. The guy
got disgusted and bam bam bam my passport was stamped. He cut the little scrap
of newpaper in half and gave me half of it.

Lesson Two: DON"T LOSE that little scrap of paper !!!!!

I got off the plane and met Pavel. He was a friendly face and gathered up me and my
belongings and had my ticket from Kiev to Odessa (and back). I had a few hour layover
so he took me to a little restaurant and I ate a bowl of bright red borscht with a lump of
white sour cream in the middle of it. I had never tried borscht frankly it didn't sound all
that appetizing to me, but when in Rome .... ... .. .  I Loved it !!! I LOVED IT !!

The international terminal is different than the domestic terminal. you go out of a door
and down some stairs and it's around the corner. Pavel got me in the right line and he
left for parts unknown.  I remember getting into a plane that Amelia Earhart wouldn't
fly because it was too old. The cabin lights sometimes went out, very strange sounds
would just happen and the seats were made for midgets.

The idiot in front of me was drunk and was so animated in his talking and
arm waving bouncing all over the place causing the seat to dig into my legs.
Not wanting to be an ugly American, I just grinned and finally we arrived
without crashing everyone except me clapped and cheered the pilots bravery
and we deplaned.

I would have kissed the ground if there were not smelly puddles of stuff on
the ground and I didn't really want to offend anyone especially the guys who 
were carrying automatic weapons and expressions that made me think that
they wouldn't get the joke.

[2tallbill]

Alive and on the ground !!!

I gather my bag and find Stirlitz or he finds me rather. Nobody has problems
finding me in a crowded room ever.

So he takes me to a place to exchange some dollars into grivna. Then we meet 
a very cute lady who rents me the apartment. We go to the nearby market and
buy water, toilet paper, food, tea and other various assorted stuff.

Stirlitz hands me a cell phone (he rents them out) and then we go to a gal in a kiosk
and buy a card with minutes on it. He shows me a few tricks on using it and we decide
to meet the next day since I am not meeting Natalia until tomorrow evening. I planned
this so that I could recover from the flight.

I hit the sack and fall asleep like the dead.

Sometime I think 4:00 am local time I wake up. My kidneys are about to burst for some
reason I have to go to the toilet NOW. It is zero light pitch black absolute zero light.

I fumble around and can't find the switch or any switch. I get turned around and start
bumping into things hoping that my bladder will not fail me now. I find eventually find a
light then the toilet no messes were made. I promised myself from that day forward
that I would have a better plan.

I went back to sleep, then awaken suddenly and look around. I can't freaking believe
it. I got on a plane to fly half way around the world to meet a girl !!!

 

[2tallbill]

Apartments in Odessa are different than the USA. A studio apartment is
called a one room apartment. A one bedroom apartment is called a two
room apartment. I rented a "two room" apartment.



Here is the bedroom




another view of the bedroom

[2tallbill]

Right outside the apartment,

Yes it is November and the girls are wearing miniskirts


This is a couple blocks away the Odessa Opera house which is very famous I am
told.

[2tallbill]

I wake up for good. Shower and shave and walk around Odessa.

I get lost relatively easily so I snap a photo or two anytime I take a turn
that way I can thumb through the photos and find my way back. Also
after my experience with passport control I carry my address with me so
that I can ask a stranger how to get back.

A couple weeks before my trip I had ordered Learn Ukrainian by Pimsleur but
was told that everyone speaks Russian in Odessa so I ordered a Russian one 
that had not arrived.

I bought a $10 set of russian CDs that promised I would learn Russian in only a
couple of days                    
I probably did learn 20 words but had not quite yet mastered the entire language
by the time I arrived. I also didn't know how to read Cyrillic either. So I walked
around Odessa with a headset on learning a Russian word here and there.

Lesson three: Learning Russian is hard !!!

[2tallbill]

The night finally arrived, I was going to wear a shirt and tie with
a sports coat (I read somewhere that I should) and the lights go
out.

Lesson four: Always have a flashlight in the FSU !!

I found my flashlight and did the last of my getting handsome and
ready preparations with a flashlight.

We go to Max's  which is a restaurant near the Opera house to meet
Natalia and the agency translator. The agency had wanted to provide all
kinds of services, translation, airport pickup, flowers, apartment and other
things but I wanted them out of the picture because I have read repeatedly
that you should get the agency out of the way as soon as possible.

I met her she seemed stiff and nervous. I kissed her cheek and we sat down
and had dinner. Honestly it felt off to me. I have dated enough and as a salesman
I am pretty good at sizing up and judging people (at least I think I am). 

Dinner came and we dropped her off at her apartment I gave her a kiss on the cheek
we made arrangements to meet the next day, then Stirlitz and I left.


photo of Natalia and myself (not the first date)
Also please note that I don't post photos of others without their permission however
I make an exception for Natalia (I will explain later why)












We ate here a lot

[2tallbill]

More photos

[2tallbill]

The next day we collect Natalia and her daughter and walk all over Odessa.

Her daughter was 8 years old funny and bouncing around everywhere. She
was an amazing gymnast and as a father of three boys and no girls I fell in
love with the little girl and she seemed to think I was pretty cool too.

this was more than 5 years ago so I don't worry about the little girl getting
recognized by anyone.

[2tallbill]

The days go by we are getting along great, the conversation is good she
seems interested and interesting. The daughter is fun and I am really enjoying
her. But at the end of the day all I am getting is the cheek.

Stirlitz wants me to go to another agency and see a few more women to give
me perspective while Natalia is at work. She is working only half days since I am
there to see her.

I half heartedly go to an agency. I look through the girls but I really don't make any
arrangements. I should have but I didn't.

[Vinnvinny]

Ripping stuff Bill. 

Lesson Two: DON"T LOSE that little scrap of paper !!!!!

Nowadays that piece of paper doest exist.

this was more than 5 years ago so I don't worry about the little girl getting
recognized by anyone.

BillyB has probably already been there. 

[Jeffery]

I half heartedly go to an agency. I look through the girls but I really don't make any
arrangements. I should have but I didn't.

I don't know about the rest 2tallbill, but I'm enjoying your report! 

[2tallbill]

The days are going by and I have read a hundred times "if a FSUW is into you then
you will know it!" this girl wasn't into me. I kept ignoring Stirlitz and I shouldn't have,
but I did. I had made up a list of things I wanted in a woman and showed them to
Natalia, I forget what they were but sexual passion was on the list.

I went through the other things first, blah blah blah and she agreed that she had those
things and I did too. Then we came upon the passion item, and I said that you are not
this at all. You are as cold as a fish or you don't like me.

She assured me she liked me and that she just didn't hop into bed with every guy that
she meets. 

Everybody should realize that Stirlitz is translating this and I am ignoring him and so is
she. He was a very good invisible translator. OK back to the story.

Me: "hop into bed?" I haven't even got a kiss on the lips.
Her: I have lipstick on you will wreck it?
Me: That's the lousiest excuse I ever heard besides sometimes you
need to wreck your lipstick or are you a cold fish?

Her: I am NOT a cold fish, I am just making sure.
Me: You don't hold hands, or sit next to me or lean against me
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
Her: If I decide to .............then you will have your hands full and
won't be able to handle all of me and all I want.
Me: we will see about that.
Her: Yes we will

So off we go to eat lunch and after lunch Natalia informs Stirlitz that
he needs to take the little girl "V" for a walk so that she can F#ck my
eyes out.

more to follow

[2tallbill]

I half heartedly go to an agency. I look through the girls but I really don't make any
arrangements. I should have but I didn't.

I don't know about the rest 2tallbill, but I'm enjoying your report! 

Thanks, I am just hoping to save a newbie some grief. 

This was my first trip to the FSU

I wrote three other reports


Trippin in St Pete
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=467.0

Dnepropetrovsk say it don't spray it
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=5560.msg77343

Georgia Peaches
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=14013.msg200952

[2tallbill]

Hours later, and nearly blind (eyes having been almost f#cked out)
and Stirlitz calls to see if I was going to come up for air any time soon. I
reluctantly replied that yes I would be coming up for air soon and that I would
call him back.

He had taken "V" to a museum, and to a bookstore to buy a book and
various other places

Natalia and I get dressed and Sterlitz and V arrive and V informs us that she
is putting on a gymnastic show and that we should watch the performance. 

I cut up some cheese, sausage, arranged some crackers along with grapes and
apple wedges poured some juice and we sit down to watch the show.

I was going to post the video, but I was advised not to by one of the RW here
and she gave a compelling argument as to why I shouldn't so, it has been removed.

[Donhollio]

  Bill thanks for sharing the trip, I'm enjoying it immensely! Looking forward to more! 


  In that pic where you're holding up the kid, that concrete behind you is where I was taken one afternoon to lay on the bea... err lounge on the concrete tiers. Most defienatly not one of Odessa's better coastal areas, but at least the company I was with distracted me from the place. 

[NS1]

Great story, i am enjoying it 

[AvHdB]

Hours later, and nearly blind (eyes having been almost f#cked out)
and Stirlitz calls to see if I was going to come up for air any time soon. I
reluctantly replied that yes I would be coming up for air soon and that I would
call him back.

He had taken "V" to a museum, and to a bookstore to buy a book and
various other places

Natalia and I get dressed and Sterlitz and V arrive and V informs us that she
is putting on a gymnastic show and that we should watch the performance. 

Stirlitz or Igor would not have baby sat the brat in Nikolayev - in fact we were both happy to escape with our feet and balls.

[rosco]

Alive and on the ground !!!


I hit the sack and fall asleep like the dead.

Sometime I think 4:00 am local time I wake up. My kidneys are about to burst for some
reason I have to go to the toilet NOW. It is zero light pitch black absolute zero light.

I fumble around and can't find the switch or any switch. I get turned around and start
bumping into things hoping that my bladder will not fail me now. I find eventually find a
light then the toilet no messes were made. I promised myself from that day forward
that I would have a better plan.

I went back to sleep, then awaken suddenly and look around. I can't freaking believe
it. I got on a plane to fly half way around the world to meet a girl !!!

Ouch!! 

Been there a couple times myself and its not nice. Waking in a strange house, pitch black and knowing if you don't hit a switch pronto, there's going to be a lot of explaining to do.

Also your a bad man, it's sex tourists like you that give us good guys a bad reputation!! 

[Millaa]

Also your a bad man, it's sex tourists like you that give us good guys a bad reputation!! 

Is he sex-tourist?  I never see them alive ... Your next trip must be to Far East 

[AvHdB]

Also your a bad man, it's sex tourists like you that give us good guys a bad reputation!! 

Is he sex-tourist?  I never see them alive ... Your next trip must be to Far East 

It is very easy to tell the sex tourists they have horns!

[2tallbill]

So "V" does her little gymnastic show, and I try to convince Natalia
to spend the night. She has gone cold and no under no circumstances
will she spend the night and we are back to kisses on the cheek. You
might argue that hey not in front of her daughter, but it was more than
that she was suddenly cold.

So I take her home with plans for the next day. She is to arrive at approximately
3:00 pm.



I have most of the day (my last day because I leave tomorrow) to think about
hot / cold Natalia, there is a internet cafe a 100 meters from my flat and I go
there check email and now I am starting to think that I should have listened to
Stirlitz and maybe meet another woman or two, but I don't.

The weather is drizzling all day, the power goes out, 3:00 pm rolls around and no
Natalia, then 3:30 then 3:45 pm. Sometime after 4:00 she knocks on the door
of the flat I open it and she looks pissed. 

Natalia "are you ready?"
Bill         I don't say anything because I don't understand the question.
So she says again as I am helping her out of her coat
Natalia    "are you ready?" 
Bill            "For What?"

Natalia     "For what you did !!! "
Bill            "What I did?"

Natalia        "first get me hot tea to drink!!"
Bill            rolls eyes and walks into kitchen wondering to self WTF?
                   I put water in the kettle to make tea

Natalia            "It was raining and cold and I had to walk up the stairs in the pitch black"
Stirlitz grumbles " Bill I should have recommended this, a gentleman should walk the
                           girl up the stairs especially when the power is out."   

Natalia         "that's not all !!! " I was in chat at the agency with a guy and he says
                   "blah, blah, blah, blah about you !!!"

I stand up and walk over to Natalia. Honestly I didn't do this to scare her, it just
happens when I jump up and walk over to people quickly. I am a foot taller (31 cm)
and 130 pounds (59KG) heavier (more than double her weight) and her eyes got as
big as saucers and I obviously was scaring her which is not what I wanted to do.

Bill           "sit down"
Natalia      sits
Bill            sits
Bill       "Let me get this straight"
           "You wanted me to stand outside in the rain for over an hour"
           "while you chatted with some other man at the agency?"
           "this guy that I have never met or talked to and blah blah blah?"
Natalia   "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah !!!!
Natalia   "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah !!!!
Natalia   "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah !!!!
Natalia   "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah !!!!
Natalia   "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah !!!!

Bill       I have had enough and I get Natalia's coat
Bill        "Your leaving, Igor (Stirlitz) will take you home"
Natalia  surprised expression               
Stirlitz   "Bill you should walk her home"

So I walk Natalia home with Stirlitz and I go back to my apartment, I am
leaving the next day.

Stay tuned more to come ...  . .. . .. . . .

[2tallbill]

Stirlitz calls a while later and says that Natalia doesn't want you to leave like
this. She wants to see you again before you go.

Bill         "I don't know, the whole hot cold thing is kind of strange."
Stirlitz    "You have to call her on the phone and ask her to come by at 11:00pm
Bill         " I don't know Russian well enough to do that"
Stirlitz    "You still have to do it, she knows what you are going to ask then she
               will come to your apartment at 11:00pm "

Bill          "Do you really want to be here at 11:00pm?"
Stirlitz     "no, she wants to have sex with you"

[Note to all] I am just a guy. It's 9:00 pm on my last day and a hot woman wants
to have sex with me. I am not a saint or a priest or an oak tree and I had flown
halfway around the world to meet this girl and my head was spinning because all
the blood left my brain and filled the head below my shoulders not above it. Besides
HER POPKA WAS SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE !!!! I admit my brains were not working

Back to the story
So I called Natalia, and she says some stuff in Russian. She showed up at 11:00 pm on
the dot and she was fun, fun, fun, fun. It wasn't just the sex which was great but we
laughed. I created a game where she would point the flashlight on a body part and if
I said the right word in Russian then I was rewarded with kisses.

I have an ectaco translator, and we sat naked on the bed passing it back and forth
having a great time. Neither of us slept even for a minute.

Stay tuned more to come ...  . .. . .. . . .

[NS1]

Bill sounds like she was fun and interesting.
But now you leave us hanging