You finally see each other... and disappointed.

[Nessibelle]

After reading many stories about meeting in person with the "penfriends" on the Internet, I find out that there are some cases when one of them or both are completely disappointed and wish they could stop it before it was too late and much time, money, energy spent for nothing.

Did it happen to any of you? What was the reason and what did you do then?

[Donhollio]

 Nessi the boys will move it if they feel it needs to be

 Has it happened ?  Oh yes it has,the worst visit for me was on trip number 3. Jet lagged and completely exhausted after a bad train ride across Europe,I was never able to recover to being well rested and the first impression wasn't good at all. The following days didn't make things better either,and nothing was more painful to hear those words she told me while we were laying on the beach,  " You aren't the funny man you were on the phone."  I really liked that girl   So out came plan B.

 So rest up fellas,hide out in a bed for a day before you see her if needed.
 Nessi if you find a serious man who will come to visit you, try to realise that he will be tired if coming from North America,and he has spent upwards of 20-30 hours to get to you.

[Nessibelle]

Nessi if you find a serious man who will come to visit you, try to realise that he will be tired...

If it ever happens, I think after meeting in the airport I'll take him right to the hotel at once.
But will it solve the problem of feeling no chemistry between us

[Donhollio]

 Well Nessi you know I would come see if I said I was going to. But I like apartment living more than a hotel 

 Offering him to rest awhile would be a very nice jesture ( offer ) Maybe get him some fruits and water or juice, so when he is resting he can have something to eat and drink. And this way he doesn't have to try and find these simple things on his own. 
Plus it will make you look very caring in his love struck eyes  

 Will it solve the problem ? I doubt it as he has taking a long ride to see you,and even though he's tried he will most likely want to stay with you.

 I notice you are up to 83 posts already.................

[Vinnvinny]

It’s the reason (IMO) why WM/VM (write many/visit many) is the only sensible way to go. It doesn’t matter how many emails you’ve exchanged, photos you’ve sent each other, phone calls you’ve made you simply cannot do better than spending an hour together and ascertaining if there is any chemistry.

If a lady is offended that you might be visiting others then so be it. Your looking for a wife, not to win a popularity contest and nobody is stopping her meeting many men until she finds Mr Right.

[Olga_Mouse]

After reading many stories about meeting in person with the "penfriends" on the Internet, I find out that there are some cases when one of them or both are completely disappointed and wish they could stop it before it was too late and much time, money, energy spent for nothing.

Nessi, there are much worse cases, IMO - when both of you invest time & money to arrange the first meeting, everything seems to be fine, you discuss all the aspects of your future together, and then - when both of you are back to your homecountries - he writes "I need to stop our communication for a few days to think it over". And after these few days he writes "There was no spark in my heart for you". 

[alenika]

There is even worse situation - when two people spend time to date, then decide to marry, have kids and in 10-15 years one of them tells another: sorry but I don't love you, it was a mistake

[Paul]

It has always been my opinion that chemistry is something that you know you have with someone else, the moment you meet,.. but I have been told by a few women that it is something that needs time to develop 

Nessibelle, if a guy goes to meet you, and you discover that after spending a lot of time corresponding with him that you are not attracted to him, please do not think for one minute that you are obligated to do anything that you do not want to do (like trying to make yourself believe that things can work out).

[BelleZeBoob]

There is even worse situation - when two people spend time to date, then decide to marry, have kids and in 10-15 years one of them tells another: sorry but I don't love you, it was a mistake

I wouldn't say that this situation is that bad. 10 years are a good time, and it is likely that this was not a mistake in the beginning, but people just grow apart with time. Or the situation turned out the way that those two peolpe would be better off apart. Life goes on.

[alenika]

I wouldn't say that this situation is that bad. 10 years are a good time, and it is likely that this was not a mistake in the beginning, but people just grow apart with time. Or the situation turned out the way that those two peolpe would be better off apart. Life goes on.

Yes, life goes on. What I wanted to say though is that it's not virtuality which makes to mistake about someone, to see them as they are not. The same happens in life and it is possible to live with someone for 10-15 years and to realise that lived with a stranger. This is just difficult to get to know someone. And it is not much easier in real life than in reality.

[fireeater]

I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.  

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens  

[Boris]

I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.  

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens  

FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with. She seemed to be everything I was looking for. And when we met? I felt nothing. Zip. I tried. It just can't be manufactured through letters and telephone calls. Then on the same trip through a random last-minute introduction I met Svetlana and we had huge earth shattering chemistry from the first moment we met. That is a whole other very sad story.

[alenika]

FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with.

It cannot be the same for all people.. Some people can have physical attraction before meeting and are not mistaked of this. Others -they are mistaken in how they imagine people before meeting. It depends on the person. Btw based on fireeater pm discussion it seems he is the one who tries to see people who they are, first visual impression of someone doesn't overwhelm him and doesn't make to imagine things. At least I hope that for him this way can work.

[Boris]

FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with.

It cannot be the same for all people.. Some people can have physical attraction before meeting and are not mistaked of this. Others -they are mistaken in how they imagine people before meeting. It depends on the person. Btw based on fireeater pm discussion it seems he is the one who tries to see people who they are, first visual impression of someone doesn't overwhelm him and doesn't make to imagine things. At least I hope that for him this way can work.

I hope so too, Alenika. With Natasha it was a balance of her directness and honesty in communication that attracted me to her. As I have posted elsewhere I was almost overwhelmed by her physical beauty and presence when we met. But she was the same honest, direct and patient woman that I had been writing and talking to all along.

[Rasputin]

If it ever happens, I think after meeting in the airport I'll take him right to the hotel at once.
But will it solve the problem of feeling no chemistry between us

Chemistry happens, or it doesn't. I fell quite hard for one woman, but it was not reciprocal. It was pretty hellish. Would have been better to cut and run immediately. However, after her, I met my wife, and I am very happy that things did not work our  IMO, better to be honest.

[fireeater]

I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.  

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens  

FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with. She seemed to be everything I was looking for. And when we met? I felt nothing. Zip. I tried. It just can't be manufactured through letters and telephone calls. Then on the same trip through a random last-minute introduction I met Svetlana and we had huge earth shattering chemistry from the first moment we met. That is a whole other very sad story.

No fall is in my forecast, even though I am a romantic like yourself. But I still get the feeling from both of these, that something was missing, which ended them regardless of anything else.

Something that your current one had, prior and after, that made it work even better. 

[Boris]

I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.  

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens  

FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with. She seemed to be everything I was looking for. And when we met? I felt nothing. Zip. I tried. It just can't be manufactured through letters and telephone calls. Then on the same trip through a random last-minute introduction I met Svetlana and we had huge earth shattering chemistry from the first moment we met. That is a whole other very sad story.

No fall is in my forecast, even though I am a romantic like yourself. But I still get the feeling from both of these, that something was missing, which ended them regardless of anything else.

Something that your current one had, prior and after, that made it work even better. 

With Svetlana only the circumstances were wrong. I have know doubt that if things would have been a little different we would still be together today. But, yes--one door closes--another opens. But taking action--getting your a** through the door is the key!!

[2tallbill]

My advice to reduce (but not totally eliminate) the chances of
not being attracted to each other is:

Buy a webcam, download skype (it's free) and chat many times
before he visits you. If you are attracted to someone on a fish eyed
web cam then they are guaranteed to look better in person. Nobody
looks better on a web cam.

Another issue is scent. I would not underestimate the affect
that smell has on first impressions.

They might smell bad from traveling 20 hours on a plane
circulating bad air, cramped and sweat from stress of both
traveling and meeting someone. Believe me these things affect
the way a person smells as does lousy food and drink that is
found on airlines.

So if you want to meet the person at the airport, then remember
that they might smell like they rolled in something dead.

Please note that it is unlikely that I need to give the following advice
because nearly every RW know more about such things than a
vine swinging monkey boy neanderthal like me.

For your part use a small or moderate amount of perfume. If you want to
be extra careful you can send him three different letters by snail
mail with your favorite perfumes on each different letter. 

If he reports that one of them smells just like the stuff they use to
kill mosquitoes with then you can figure out which letter and
fragrance it is and not choose that to wear to the airport.

Fresh breath will be much better by not eating garlic or onions the in the
previous 24 hours, with brushing of course and a stick of gum immediately
before the meeting. Cigarettes and coffee are breath destroyers. I would
recommend avoiding both


Udachi !!

Bill
http://www.skype.com/download/skype/windows/

[Nessibelle]

Bill,
You made me laugh, thank you. Laughing aloud at 3 am is a healthy begginning of the new day.

I think I even like the smell of men's sweat sometimes.

[Excedryn]

I think I even like the smell of men's sweat sometimes.

 

[Rasputin]

Bill,
You made me laugh, thank you. Laughing aloud at 3 am is a healthy begginning of the new day.

I think I even like the smell of men's sweat sometimes.

This is not surprising. Male sweat contains pheremones:

Androstenol is the scent produced by fresh male sweat, and is attractive to females. Androstenone is produced by male sweat after exposure to oxygen – i.e. when less fresh – and is perceived as highly unpleasant by females (except during ovulation, when their responses change from ‘negative’ to ‘neutral’).

Source: The Smell Report. Sexual attraction

Interestingly, fresh sweat will attract the woman who is ovulating and stale sweat will not deter her when it goes a bit stale. So, it is a win-win situation from an evolutionary perspective

[Excedryn]

Way to take me back to school Ras! And here I thought she was probably joking! 

[Nessibelle]

I think I even like the smell of men's sweat sometimes.

 

For some reason I knew I shouldn't have written that. 
But it is a common knowledge (at least those who are interested in the phenomenon of chemical communication know) that the smell of men's sweat improves women's mood, regulates their ovulation and EVEN stimulates their brain activity (!!!).

[Excedryn]

It's all good, Nessi! And to think all this time I was thinking it was the Old Spice talking  What a waste of money that venture has been!

[Nessibelle]

Rasputin, yes, that is what I mean.

Excedryn, Old Spice? I would never use Old Spice.