Did She Ask You to Move To Her Country

[Boris]

Natash and I had a spirited discussion about whether it would be best to live in Ukraine or America. It came up out of the blue one day in the Caravan parking lot. She said she would live with me anywhere but wondered why I couldn't move to Kharkov and drive a Taxi. Of course this was after she teased me that she would only marry me if I studied Russian and Ukrainian and became President of Ukraine. Both her and sister asked me about it later at the sister's (Irene) apartment. We discussed through broken English and broken Russian the benefits of living in America. It ended with the realization that I would never leave my younger two sons while they were in school. They both agreed. I think for most women there they are amazed that a divorced father would play such a major role in their children's lives. My sons called me while I was there on my iPhone (roaming charges weren't as bad as I thought they would be). That impressed Natasha a lot. Even though her life can be difficult it is still home to her and it will be difficult for her to leave.

Did any of you have these discussions with your wives, girlfriends, etc?

[BCKev]

I had this discussion with a former girlfriend. It basically came down to my ability to practice my profession in Ukraine and the salary. I had a few good chats with her brother in law, who worked in the same industry, and in a similar postion to what I had Canada. His monthly salary was about what I make in one day. On that basis, I gave up on the idea.

[Rasputin]

Did any of you have these discussions with your wives, girlfriends, etc?

Why? I work and have a decent job in Canada. If I quit my job, I could maybe have earned a few hundred dollars a month in my wife's city teaching English. We would have ended up living in a room sharing a bathroom with an old woman and her son. We would have been scrimping and saving for every kopeck.... So, my wife never asked, and I never offered. Everybody understood that we would live in Canada.

[Boris]

Did any of you have these discussions with your wives, girlfriends, etc?

Why? I work and have a decent job in Canada. If I quit my job, I could maybe have earned a few hundred dollars a month in my wife's city teaching English. We would have ended up living in a room sharing a bathroom with an old woman and her son. We would have been scrimping and saving for every kopeck.... So, my wife never asked, and I never offered. Everybody understood that we would live in Canada.

I think it is a natural reaction not to want to leave what you know---your home. Reactions aren't always rational. Below the surface I don't think there was any real doubt about where we would live either.

[Rasputin]

I think it is a natural reaction not to want to leave what you know---your home. Reactions aren't always rational. Below the surface I don't think there was any real doubt about where we would live either.

Fortunately, my wife had visited relatives in Germany many times over a decade. In total, she probably spent two years in Germany. She knew the difference between life in the West and Russia. And, it wasn't a question of money. She enjoys the social stability and peace of mind that one has living in the West.

[Boris]

I think it is a natural reaction not to want to leave what you know---your home. Reactions aren't always rational. Below the surface I don't think there was any real doubt about where we would live either.

Fortunately, my wife had visited relatives in Germany many times over a decade. In total, she probably spent two years in Germany. She knew the difference between life in the West and Russia. And, it wasn't a question of money. She enjoys the social stability and peace of mind that one has living in the West.

That sure does make it much easier, Rasputin. We have had some interesting discussions. I tried to point out differences in everyday life without being insensitive. Svetlana, with whom I had a previous relationship, had a much better grasp of western life as her best friend had been married to a man who lived in Denmark but also lived in Zurich and London. Her only concern was what to do about her sick parents. But that is a different discussion.

[mendeleyev]

She does all the time but we have immigration issues which colour our thinking. The plan, and we're already purchased a small retirement apartment in the FSU, is to retire there. I'm pursing avenues which might have me working back in Russia in about 2 years which would be fine--my salary would be paid by a Western company. My wife makes enough that we could live comfortably now, but I'm a strong believer than relationships change when a man depends on the wife for their primary income.

[Wild Orchid]

Natash and I had a spirited discussion about whether it would be best to live in Ukraine or America. It came up out of the blue one day in the Caravan parking lot. She said she would live with me anywhere but wondered why I couldn't move to Kharkov and drive a Taxi.

And what sort of life would you have driving a taxi? It would take some time to learn new language to be able to get any job, and I'm saying that from my own experience. You would be dependable on your partner for quite some time, may be 1-2 years. She hardly copes herself at the moment and she wants another responsibility on her shoulders?

I wouldn't offer or ask my husband to do that only because I know that his life wouldn't change for better. He wanted us to move to South Russia after his retirement, he wanted to live there and experiment with gardening. I said NO. It might be a good experience for him but I want to enjoy my life too, and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me to live in some small or big stanica and grow my own veggies.

[Boris]

Natash and I had a spirited discussion about whether it would be best to live in Ukraine or America. It came up out of the blue one day in the Caravan parking lot. She said she would live with me anywhere but wondered why I couldn't move to Kharkov and drive a Taxi.

And what sort of life would you have driving a taxi? It would take some time to learn new language to be able to get any job, and I'm saying that from my own experience. You would be dependable on your partner for quite some time, may be 1-2 years. She hardly copes herself at the moment and she wants another responsibility on her shoulders?

I wouldn't offer or ask my husband to do that only because I know that his life wouldn't change for better. He wanted us to move to South Russia after his retirement, he wanted to live there and experiment with gardening. I said NO. It might be a good experience for him but I want to enjoy my life too, and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me to live in some small or big stanica and grow my own veggies.

Like I said earlier I think it was just an emotional reaction. Maybe also a little fear of the unknown. Things are difficult for her but it is a difficulty she understands.

[Chris]

My wife and I discussed this a few times also, but she knows I could never make as much in Ukraine as I can in the West, not in the near future anyway,  she also told me she would never expect me to leave behind my kids, despite them being nearly grown up now. The difference is, she can bring her daughter to the UK and we can have a good life, to do it the other way round is a non starter, for now anyway.

When my kids are older and self sufficient then it would be good to spend some time in her country, one reason we have been looking at business between the two countries for a while now, but due to the current economic climate over there, more so than here, it is not on the cards in the near future.

[Manny]

We discussed this also. We even half heartedly looked at a few houses. I did seriously consider it, but my son in England and poor infrastructure, corruption and pollution put a lid on it.

I couldn't wait three months for a "master" every time I wanted something fixed and bribing people to do things they are paid to do anyway goes against the grain.

That's one reason why we took the leap into Estonia: close enough for the folks to visit, better and faster links from England and all the benefits of Russia but none of the downsides.

[froid]

We discussed it a little but not that seriously.  Comparing Toronto, Canada to Penza, Russia is a little unfair.  She made in rubles what I make in dollars.  If I went there I would make less than her even with no Russian.  Security and safety and environment of Canada, even in Toronto is considered to be much better than there. 

However, if the Canadian immigration portion didn't work out somehow...I would have gotten my Estonian passport and moved there instead.

[TrevorM]

I raised the subject a couple of times, but in the context of retirement in 10 or 15 years time. That is selling our (relatively) expensive UK house and buying something similar but much cheaper where the cost of living would also be less and hopefully the weather better.

I made the mistake of mentioning Ukraine (possibly Crimea) and was treated to a look of total disdain and even horror. She countered with Australia and the South of France, etc., but I pointed out that economically that didn't really make sense. 

We than agreed that maybe taking long winter holidays somewhere warm was the best option  and the subject was dropped.

[Wild Orchid]

I made the mistake of mentioning Ukraine (possibly Crimea) and was treated to a look of total disdain and even horror. She countered with Australia and the South of France, etc., but I pointed out that economically that didn't really make sense. 

we saw an episode on TV about people buying property overseas. Most of them were about USA but one lady bought an apartment in some small town in South of France. It was very cheap compare to our prices and she goes there almost every European summer/our winter. I thought it was wonderful idea. I'm not that much interested in houses in USA even they might be only 30 K or $1 in some places, but France....  I'd love to do the same as that lady

[rougetor]

Three years ago I started corresponding with a woman who had profile photos with green and blue hair. Why I did it who knows. In the summer of 2007 we met to spend a month together in Odessa. She was 19 and when I saw her I realized she was one of the most beautiful women on the planet earth . . really. The photos were Photoshop. I also discovered that she had been Russian national ski champion and a singer who had won some music awards. We spent four months together in the next year. When not together we talked six hours every day on the phone. She was the most romantic women I had ever known. She had a great life in Russia, even owned her own apartment. She asked me to live with her in Russia. Here in my world I am very successful, lots of money, some fame and speak three languages, none of which is Russian. Because of my profession I could not work as a professional in Russia. But I would have moved anyway . . to Saratov. But she only wanted to live together without marriage.  And why that was so is the reason for this message. She was much younger than I was and after Odessa thought she was pregnant with my child and when she returned to Russia saw a doctor. She was not pregnant but the doctor told her that there was a higher risk of birth defects with an older father. And she decided because of that that she would only live with me. To the extent that anyone can know anything in life, she loved me with all her heart. I would never in a million years have thought about such an issue . . never. So for those of you contemplating a relationship with a younger Russian woman you need to discuss that issue first because Russian women want children. Also, when I was in Calgary last Fall for a wedding (I live in Texas) I met a married Ukrainian woman and I asked her whether she preferred living in Canada or the Ukraine . . and her answer was that if she could have anything she wanted then she would want to be rich and living in the Ukraine. I also have some friends with Russian wives and they all miss the culture of Russia and all have pressured their husbands to at least move to a large city where there is a Russian community. And, finally,  in deciding whether or not moving to her country is a good decision consider that statistics say that every year 8 per thousand marry in Russia and 7 per thousand divorce.

[ECR844]

Three years ago I started corresponding with a woman who had profile photos with green and blue hair. Why I did it who knows. In the summer of 2007 we met to spend a month together in Odessa. She was 19 and when I saw her I realized she was one of the most beautiful women on the planet earth . . really. The photos were Photoshop. I also discovered that she had been Russian national ski champion and a singer who had won some music awards. We spent four months together in the next year. When not together we talked six hours every day on the phone. She was the most romantic women I had ever known. She had a great life in Russia, even owned her own apartment. She asked me to live with her in Russia. Here in my world I am very successful, lots of money, some fame and speak three languages, none of which is Russian. Because of my profession I could not work as a professional in Russia. But I would have moved anyway . . to Saratov. But she only wanted to live together without marriage.  And why that was so is the reason for this message. She was much younger than I was and after Odessa thought she was pregnant with my child and when she returned to Russia saw a doctor. She was not pregnant but the doctor told her that there was a higher risk of birth defects with an older father. And she decided because of that that she would only live with me. To the extent that anyone can know anything in life, she loved me with all her heart. I would never in a million years have thought about such an issue . . never. So for those of you contemplating a relationship with a younger Russian woman you need to discuss that issue first because Russian women want children. Also, when I was in Calgary last Fall for a wedding (I live in Texas) I met a married Ukrainian woman and I asked her whether she preferred living in Canada or the Ukraine . . and her answer was that if she could have anything she wanted then she would want to be rich and living in the Ukraine. I also have some friends with Russian wives and they all miss the culture of Russia and all have pressured their husbands to at least move to a large city where there is a Russian community. And, finally,  in deciding whether or not moving to her country is a good decision consider that statistics say that every year 8 per thousand marry in Russia and 7 per thousand divorce.

Welcome to the forum. You certainly tell an interesting tale... Well the parts I could decipher anyway. :

[fireeater]

Welcome to the forum rougetor. 

[mendeleyev]

Rougetor, I believe if you'll put some separation and break your post into paragraphs they'll be easier to read. Just hit the space bar each time you start a new idea in the story line.

[Chris]

Interesting first post Rougetor, so tell us what stage are you at now in the FSU adventure?

[Excedryn]

That was an interesting post. I don't think I have ever heard of birth defects being caused by an older father. That is something I might hafta ask a family member of mine who is a pediatrician. I mean, seriously, I have heard of high risk for older females simply because of their age and the stress pregnancy puts on the body but never even though the ole soldiers would have issues. 

[Herrie]

That was an interesting post. I don't think I have ever heard of birth defects being caused by an older father. That is something I might hafta ask a family member of mine who is a pediatrician. I mean, seriously, I have heard of high risk for older females simply because of their age and the stress pregnancy puts on the body but never even though the ole soldiers would have issues. 

I have heard about this being the case, but it's by far far less then with woman of older ages.

Men also get the negative influence of their environment over the years which could cause defects

However due to the fact that the woman has her supply from birth and this doesn't get 'renewed' during her lifetime, she is a lot more vulnerable compared to men which' supply gets 'renewed'.

[Wild Orchid]

That was an interesting post. I don't think I have ever heard of birth defects being caused by an older father. That is something I might hafta ask a family member of mine who is a pediatrician. I mean, seriously, I have heard of high risk for older females simply because of their age and the stress pregnancy puts on the body but never even though the ole soldiers would have issues. 

A mass study found that deaths of children fathered by over-45s occurred at almost twice the rate of those fathered by men aged between 25 and 30.

Scientists believe that children of older fathers are more likely to suffer particular congenital defects as well as autism, schizophrenia and epilepsy. The study was the first of its kind of such magnitude in the West, and researchers believe the findings are linked to the declining quality of sperm as men age.


Previous research using the same data found that older men were four times as likely to father a child with Down's syndrome, while other studies have found that the genetic quality of sperm deteriorates as men age.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2059130/Scientists-reveal-dangers-of--older-fathers.html

[Excedryn]

  Guess I don't hafta call my aunt now. What a relief...she likes to talk!

[dwfunk]

Three years ago I started corresponding with a woman who had profile photos with green and blue hair.
<snip>

Did you ever find you a car for Saratov?




-david

[dwfunk]

Did She Ask You to Move To Her Country?

Did any of you have these discussions with your wives, girlfriends, etc?

Yes, but it was practically a tie with me asking her the feasibility of my moving there.  We set up a job search and I even went on several interviews.  Yup, language skills . . .         and then some renewed "Ex" problems     when it was found out I was making trips to Eastern Europe and now I'm here at least through May 2011.


I still plan to do some 'retirement' living there.  Too many cool and historical places/things still to discover.



-david