The ability of a FSUW's friends to torpedo her international relationship

[Larry]

Several of us were discussing this in the chatroom recently and thought it might be a topic of enough interest to create a thread.

There has been discussion in some threads about a girl's family torpedoing her international relationship.  But what about her friends' ability to do so?

I once dated a FSUW whose co-worker found out she was going out with me.  He told her that she shouldn't marry a foreigner.  I assume his attitude toward FSUW/WM marriages paralleled that of most AW.  He was merely an acquaintance rather than a close friend, so he could not dissuade her from her plans.  But closer friends were able to have an adverse effect.

How common is this?

A different FSUW I dated told me that at least some of her friends would secretly be happy if her nice plans fell through.  I've heard this phenomenon being called the "crab in a bucket" mentality:

Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, is a phrase that describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

[Rasputin]

I once dated a FSUW whose co-worker found out she was going out with me.  He told her that she shouldn't marry a foreigner.

My wife was warned by co-workers that she would become a sex slave by co-workers 

But closer friends were able to have an adverse effect.

Only if she can't make her own decisions and assume full responsibility for her life. My wife's extended family did her best to persuade her not to go to Canada, she told them to take a hike.

How common is this?

Very common, but if a woman is strong-willed and independent, she will make her own decisions. These are the type of women IMVHO that you want to date and marry.

[Barbossa]

One the biggest obstacles to overcome is a friend (or family member) that feels that they are going to be left behind in a successful AM/FSUW relationship.  I, too, experienced this roadblock over the summer.  The gal I was seeing had a close friend that spoke absolutely no English and intentionally spoke rapid Russian so I had no hope of receiving a translation every time she spoke in my presence.  She had no reservations about sharing her negative opinions about foreigners and chose not to interact with any.

I cannot say how much of an impact that had on any given day with my gal, but over a period of time it had an abrasive effect on me and probably was a factor (although limited one) in our relationship's demise.

[patagonie]

Obstacles on the road are not missing.
Opponenets will come from many horizons.
Whatever you do, it is very important to have a very good relationship with family and friends (as possible).
But whatever you do there will be some who will try to screw up your relationship. And even during marriage process.
YOu will find also some who are in fact jealous of your happiness, because you become the example to follow.
If you have a strong bond with your lady you will know about this, perhaps all perhaps not all.
I consider that the ones who roadblock you are the ones full of fear and the others ones who envy you as the ones who just highlight your success in life.
You cannot know the power of to be an example. You can teach a lot by your way of being.

[Boris]

If you are the man the chances are nil...

[B.B.]

I've heard this phenomenon being called the "crab in a bucket" mentality

There's a joke that goes like this:

When Dante was in Hell, Satan showed him two giant vats with people being boiled inside.  There was, however, a guard outside only one of the vats.  Dante asked Satan why he only had one vat guarded, and Satan replied, "One vat has Jews in it.  If one gets out, he turns to help the others, so I have to place that vat under guard.  I don't need a guard for the second vat, because it has Russians in it.  If one gets close to getting out, the others grab him and pull him back in...."

B/B

[B.B.]

There has been discussion in some threads about a girl's family torpedoing her international relationship.  But what about her friends' ability to do so?

This happened to me several years ago.  My RW g/f lived in the states already.  She had a mother and two friends (both FSU) who were in the picture.  One friend was happily married, and would tell her that, and I quote: "B/B is a great guy and total catch.  You should do whatever it takes to keep him."

The other two were, unhappily, working against me.  The mom was terrified that my g/f would marry me and move to NY, and who would be momsky's full-time servant if that happened?

The second was the other best friend who already had two divorces under her belt by age 26....and she didn't want anyone to be any happier than she was which was pretty miserable.  Before I was in the picture, they would go out to clubs and guys would talk to them, the toxic friend would say to her, in Russian, "These guy are lucky to be allowed to talk to us" but the reality is one of them would have his sights set on Kate and he'd have to bring a blocking back along to keep the friend at bay.

It got so bad that when I would go visit, after the initial rush wore of, I'd start getting this:

Kate: "Oxana says [highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "Well, no, and here's why...[reasonable explanation]"

Kate: "Oxana says [second highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "Well, no, and here's why...[second completely reasonable explanation]"

Kate: "You always do [third highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "First, tell Oxana to shut up.  Second..."

Similar things have happened with US chix, and it typically ends badly, and then they later tell me I was completely right about their respective toxic friends (although they figure it out too late to have saved any relationship with me.)  Hopefully, for their own benefit, they get older and wiser. *shrugs*

B/B

[2tallbill]

I once dated a FSUW whose co-worker found out she was going out with me.  He told her that she shouldn't marry a foreigner.  I assume his attitude toward FSUW/WM marriages paralleled that of most AW.  He was merely an acquaintance rather than a close friend, so he could not dissuade her from her plans.  But closer friends were able to have an adverse effect.

How common is this?

A different FSUW I dated told me that at least some of her friends would secretly be happy if her nice plans fell through.  I've heard this phenomenon being called the "crab in a bucket" mentality:

Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, is a phrase that describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

In my opinion her friends want her to find love and happiness. Some of her acquaintances
would love to see her fail. The ole babooshka park bench sitter gossiping network, loves
anything negative.

It's the same in the USA. The are feminists who think that 100% of foreign relationships
should fail or be stopped somehow. None of my real friends would wish anything bad for
me. Maybe an old still smitten girlfriend would, and not every girl was glad to see my
handsome and charming self get married to a Russian beauty that was both prettier,
younger and much thinner than they are.

Angel Eyes friends all tend to love me. My friends and family all love Angel Eyes. Men
acquaintances might ask, how they can get one for themselves (none of them will
never make it). 

I spent nine years kissing frogs while sifting through the sand and gravel to find my
nugget of gold. (Self proclaimed metaphor mixing maestro).

[dorbradavid]

There has been discussion in some threads about a girl's family torpedoing her international relationship.  But what about her friends' ability to do so?

This happened to me several years ago.  My RW g/f lived in the states already.  She had a mother and two friends (both FSU) who were in the picture.  One friend was happily married, and would tell her that, and I quote: "B/B is a great guy and total catch.  You should do whatever it takes to keep him."

The other two were, unhappily, working against me.  The mom was terrified that my g/f would marry me and move to NY, and who would be momsky's full-time servant if that happened?

The second was the other best friend who already had two divorces under her belt by age 26....and she didn't want anyone to be any happier than she was which was pretty miserable.  Before I was in the picture, they would go out to clubs and guys would talk to them, the toxic friend would say to her, in Russian, "These guy are lucky to be allowed to talk to us" but the reality is one of them would have his sights set on Kate and he'd have to bring a blocking back along to keep the friend at bay.

It got so bad that when I would go visit, after the initial rush wore of, I'd start getting this:

Kate: "Oxana says [highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "Well, no, and here's why...[reasonable explanation]"

Kate: "Oxana says [second highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "Well, no, and here's why...[second completely reasonable explanation]"

Kate: "You always do [third highly BS accusation about me]"

B/B: "First, tell Oxana to shut up.  Second..."

Similar things have happened with US chix, and it typically ends badly, and then they later tell me I was completely right about their respective toxic friends (although they figure it out too late to have saved any relationship with me.)  Hopefully, for their own benefit, they get older and wiser. *shrugs*

B/B

lol