Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Ask a Russian Speaking Lady - Спроси у русской леди

Why don't Russian wives married to American men post?

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Olga:
During the last year I have come in contact with many Russian woman most married and living in America that won't post on message boards.

One of the questions we must ask ourselves is why? I have been told many different reasons. I will start with a few and add to it later.

1 How they are treated.

2 Most boards are run by a handful of egotistical  alpha males.
 
A special note the comments made to me by  these Russian woman were not concerning this board.



LEGAL

Wiz:
Olga

I am not an American but having been around these boards for sometime….I can offer you a couple of explanations.

Most if not all of these women do not speak English well and still learning the language therefore maybe they have a problem understanding and writing on the boards. Don’t forget moving to live in America is a huge and very intimidating task and they have to feel very confident before starting posting on these boards.

Maybe their husbands do not made them aware of the existence of the boards, for various reasons, or they have more important things to do with their married lives.

Probably they cannot be bothered getting into any debates because either they have not sufficient general knowledge of the subjects or they are simply not interested and let their husbands to get off steam on their own.

I noticed and read a late entrance of a well known married Russian woman on another board and her English and writing style is impeccable but it took her nearly 8 years to do that!

ForgeMaster:

--- Quote from: Olga on July 20, 2007, 08:20:55 PM ---During the last year I have come in contact with many Russian woman most married and living in America that won't post on message boards. One of the questions we must ask ourselves is why?
LEGAL

--- End quote ---

Legal,
  I think it goes beyond the effect of forums altogether.  My wife does not understand the whole idea of forums:  why do I talk to these people; we do not know them?  When she came to the USA, she told me that she did not want to learn from Russian people; she wanted to learn from me.  We have met some Russian speaking people, but there is a basic mistrust there.  This is a little better among Americans.  I think this is much because there is a lot of mistrust among people where she is from.  Survival is a scramble for food, shelter, and stuff.  There are not enough hours in a day and many get that little bit of extra stuff by stealing it.  I was constantly on my guard.  An Ectaco translator was stolen from my apartment when I was there and the place was locked before and after they left!  What you tell others can be used against you easily.  You don't tell anyone what you have, where you go, how long you will be gone.  Gangs and mafia are all around; some members are their family and friends.
  The motives of others is questioned frequently.  If a person is running a business, it is for money and the needs of people is secondary.  That is one of the main complaints she has about American medicine:  Doctors do not care about people, only money.  I think she is right in most cases, but not all. 
  The language thing mentioned by Wiz is a big factor.  It takes a long time to be fluent enough to be comfortable and protect yourself.  If you miss the subtleties of English, it can cost you later.  I think Russians are highly controlled.  I did not say controlling!!!  Self control is a virtue to them.  Olga posted about the effects of 1998 and the economic collapse.  Some of the effect was emotional.  People drew inside themselves.  It is not as severe now as it was in 1998, but it could happen again any time (in the minds of people). 
  Americans live in an excess and fair society.  We are not afraid of cars now because drivers are afraid of courts and police and because other people will call the police if there is an accident.  My wife was amazed when I went to pick her up one night from work.  I was waiting and another car backed right into a car beside me.  He drove away, but not before I wrote down the license number.  I went into the place and found the owner of the car and told her; she just got the car 2 days before.  They found the guy and he paid for the damage.  We have too much stuff, money and food.  If someone steals our groceries, we probably have enough at home to live for a week.  When Russians buy just enough to cook food for two days and the prices go up by 1000%, they may not eat for a while.  If they are robbed and have to buy a new telephone, they will have to choose between a telephone and food.  We have too much and they are living from hand to mouth very often.
  So weakness causes Americans little pain.  In fact, we take care of our weaker members like the handicapped and the old people and women (if they let us).  Russians are not eager to show weakness because weak means vulnerable and vulnerable is not good.  It is better to appear to have life pulled together very well, to need nothing.  Forums, after one is up to speed with the language, are the antithesis of this.  People speak freely about their experiences, their mistakes, their families and their motives.  It has not been easy for us to make friends because of this mistrust.  I don't know how to emphasize that enough, and I don't think it is just my wife; I see it in every Russian I know.  A big part of the discussion is about the motives of people, why so-and-so did this or that.  Americans just discuss the facts.  Russians are talking about the motives and what their alternatives will be. 

Lexie:

--- Quote from: Olga on July 20, 2007, 08:20:55 PM ---During the last year I have come in contact with many Russian woman most married and living in America that won't post on message boards.

One of the questions we must ask ourselves is why? I have been told many different reasons. I will start with a few and add to it later.

1 How they are treated.

2 Most boards are run by a handful of egotistical  alpha males.
 
A special note the comments made to me by  these Russian woman were not concerning this board.
LEGAL

--- End quote ---

We don't post because we got lives. ;D I suggest you get one, too.

Squirrel:
Maybe they don't post because there are looking for a board that deals only with FSU ladies married and living outside there homeland.  Maybe they are content with where they are in life. More than likely IMO is they aren't like us and trying to understand everything and have a better grasp of what they have in life and not as curious and suspicious as we are.  The mind is a great thing to waste but it can also be a great detriment. 

As for the response of having a life, hmmmmm, you didn't have a life before? Why didn't you post here or other boards before?  If you have a life then why are you here reading this board?  HMMMMMM

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