End of the fairy tale

[jb]

I'll ask again,
What was the age difference between you and your wife?

I don't see a compelling need to do a complete autopsy of this break up here on the board.  It's not going to change the outcome one iota.  Greg comes took his stroll through the; "Garden of Love",  instead of picking the sweet fruit, he picked a lemon.  It happens more frequently than people think.  Humans are an imperfect specie, there are a lot of flawed people out there.   

There is little anyone can do to protect themselves from such things.

[hemingway]

I'll ask again,
What was the age difference between you and your wife?

I don't see a compelling need to do a complete autopsy of this break up here on the board.  It's not going to change the outcome one iota.  Greg comes took his stroll through the; "Garden of Love",  instead of picking the sweet fruit, he picked a lemon.  It happens more frequently than people think.  Humans are an imperfect specie, there are a lot of flawed people out there.   

There is little anyone can do to protect themselves from such things.

You seem willing to do autopsy on her, without having a clue what her version is.  lemon?

[jb]

hemingway,

What part of the word; "infidelity", do you not understand?

[shakespear]

Greg comes took his stroll through the; "Garden of Love",  instead of picking the sweet fruit, he picked a lemon.  It happens more frequently than people think.  Humans are an imperfect specie, there are a lot of flawed people out there.   There is little anyone can do to protect themselves from such things.

Oh I don't agree with that at all.

This forum is filled with discussion on ways you can protect yourself from disaster and increase your chances for success.

I feel that age difference could be a major factor here.  If I remember correctly, wasn't the age difference between Bgreed and his wife 18+ years?  Please correct me if I'm wrong Bgreed.  Wouldn't most agree that the chances of a FSU woman investigating the possibility of "trading up" to a younger lover would increase in marriages with a 20+ year age difference verses say a less than 10 year age difference?
 

[jb]

I just don't see the need to turn every thread into an age gap discussion.  I'm sure every man here is well aware of the pitfalls that line that path. 

[Eduard]

Greg comes took his stroll through the; "Garden of Love",  instead of picking the sweet fruit, he picked a lemon.  It happens more frequently than people think.  Humans are an imperfect specie, there are a lot of flawed people out there.   There is little anyone can do to protect themselves from such things.

Oh I don't agree with that at all.

This forum is filled with discussion on ways you can protect yourself from disaster and increase your chances for success.

I feel that age difference could be a major factor here.  If I remember correctly, wasn't the age difference between Bgreed and his wife 18+ years?  Please correct me if I'm wrong Bgreed.  Wouldn't most agree that the chances of a FSU woman investigating the possibility of "trading up" to a younger lover would increase in marriages with a 20+ year age difference verses say a less than 10 year age difference?
  

Shakes, sorry but I think you are totally wrong here. The age difference can become an issue years down the road when a man is a lot older than a woman and can't perform, while she still has physical "needs" and there is no longer love and connection in a relationship which can happen (but does not necessarily happen). This is not the case here, they did have a child together, didn't they?
I think it's a typical case of a WM not recognising an insincere woman. Cheating for 3 months right after she had a child with him??? Just about a year into the marriage??? Come on now! I know that we haven't heard her side of the story, but no matter what it is, even if he treated her horrifically bad - just leave, file for divorce, anything! But running around with a lover behind her husband's back tells volumes about who she is IMO.
I've known women like that and generally it would take a native Russian speaker with LIFE EXPERIENCE to recognise them before you marry.
A WM on his own doesn't stand a chance in most cases. Sometimes when an evil woman is not that good at "acting" she might give a WM a few warning signs and hopefully he is not so destructed by her sexy curves that he turns a blind eye on those, or dissmises them as "a cultural difference" thingy... But in most cases it's a gamble for a WM IMO.
I've met quite a few of those women in my life, but being a native Russian speaker I was able to recognise them for what they were and stay the heck away from them. I think that it would be extremely difficult for a WM who doesn't speak fluent Russian and has  not a lot of experience living in Russia/Ukraine and dating the women there to recognise a "lemon".

[TomT]

Greg,

Don't beat yourself up over this. Lena made a conscious choice to betray you instead of trying to work on the relationship. Trust me, this is not a hiccup and you ought to move on with your life, exactly as she has done. It may help you to achieve that end if you think about where your new baby was while all of this was going on.

[alenika]

Lena made a conscious choice to betray you instead of trying to work on the relationship.

Not supporting any side, as I am not there to witness anything, but choices people make are seldom concious. That's why most people are rather weak than strong.

[Maxx]

There is a lot of solid advice and observations in this thread notable from Eduard, jb, Tom and others too.

[KenC]

Greg,
I too am sorry for your misery.  I know all too well what difficulties you face in separating from a woman you love.  My heart really does go out to you.

Please realize that in reality your marriage is over.  But I also understand your admitting to still loving her.  My best advice is to try every reasonable avenue to save the marriage.  Just know that your efforts probably will not work.  What this will do is give you a peace of mind that you tried everything to save it.  How far you will go, is certainly up to you.

It will be many months down the road when you again will begin to think logically.  You are correct in thinking that divorce is a group effort, not all one sided.  However, do not accept all of the responsibility yourself.  Your woman did not put forth much of an effort to maintain the sanctity of your marriage.  Three months here before she began cheating on you?  And that is only the affair she has admitted.  I agree with jb (surprise surprise) once that line of infidelity is crossed you learn two things about the person.  The cheater has no respect for your marriage and for you specifically.  The cheater can never be trusted again.

I am sure there were many signs of your dissolving marriage before the cheating occurred.  But to actually cheat is the ultimate betrayal of trust.  Without trust in a marriage, it is worthless IMO.

You will be going through a roller coaster of emotions for now.  Try your best to control your temper.  It is in the best interest of your child to keep your divorce as civil as possible.  Like it or not, you will be forever tied to this woman through your kid.  Best of luck to you and hold on to your dignity as well as possible.  I feel for you, buddy.
KenC

[TomT]

Lena made a conscious choice to betray you instead of trying to work on the relationship.

Not supporting any side, as I am not there to witness anything, but choices people make are seldom concious. That's why most people are rather weak than strong.

Managing an affair and a young baby requires a good deal of conscious planning.

[alenika]

Not supporting any side, as I am not there to witness anything, but choices people make are seldom concious. That's why most people are rather weak than strong.

Managing an affair and a young baby requires a good deal of conscious planning.

How? Only physical readiness is necessary for this, anything else is desirable, but doesn't always present.
You never heard of unplanned kids? or kids planned because of wrong reasons?

[TomT]

alenika,

My comment has nothing to do with unplanned or badly planned children. Lena already had a child when she began her affair. It was necessary for her to either make arrangements for childcare or to bring the baby along when she met with her lover. Either way, it required conscious planning.

[Eduard]

Lena made a conscious choice to betray you instead of trying to work on the relationship.

Not supporting any side, as I am not there to witness anything, but choices people make are seldom concious. That's why most people are rather weak than strong.

Managing an affair and a young baby requires a good deal of conscious planning.

very true, Tom. I can not even fathom a normal woman having an affair after just having a baby. It is only natural for them to think of a child and give it a 100% of their time. Seems to me that Elena made a concious choice to move on (after 3 months in America?!?!?! ) and started looking around for a "better deal" from day one in the US. Oh I know those types of women too well...
Greg, move on buddy, you just have to be strong and cut her off. The longer you try to rebuild this relationship the harder it's going to be on you. The hardest thing is that you have a child with her. I truly wish you well.

[supranatural]

I never said he was younger

Oh,my! Then he is older than you!

He didn't say either way.  You are again making assumptions to try to push across your views again.  The only thing that comes out of what you are posting is that you have very little, if any, humanity in you.  Instead of sympathizing with a man who has just went through one of the worst experiences a person can experience, you are making trite disparaging remarks.  You put down UW but your character comes out as being just as bad as you accuse UW of being.  But then again when you were with Wiz you were still looking for other men so I guess we shouldn't be surprised.

[jb]

Regardless...  I'd say a DNA test for paternity on the new baby might be in order.  At this point you don't know how long this has been going on and nothing she tells you should be taken at face value.

Divorce can be ugly.

[BCKev]

Seems to me that Elena made a concious choice to move on (after 3 months in America?!?!?! ) and started looking around for a "better deal" from day one in the US. Oh I know those types of women too well...

You guys are screwing up the facts, here's what was said:

Lena decided that she wasn't happy with me after being here only nine months and has left me taking the children with her. Just shy of our 2nd wedding anniversary.  sometimes life sucks

Of course the fact that she was havng an affair with another man for the past three months adds to this.  She came home one day and told me she wanted a divorce (Sunday) that she was in love with another man.

[Eduard]

Seems to me that Elena made a concious choice to move on (after 3 months in America?!?!?! ) and started looking around for a "better deal" from day one in the US. Oh I know those types of women too well...

You guys are screwing up the facts, here's what was said:

Lena decided that she wasn't happy with me after being here only nine months and has left me taking the children with her. Just shy of our 2nd wedding anniversary.  sometimes life sucks

Of course the fact that she was havng an affair with another man for the past three months adds to this.  She came home one day and told me she wanted a divorce (Sunday) that she was in love with another man.

thanks for pointing that out Kev, I just read another posters data and I guess that was not correct. But in any case be it 3 months or 2 years my point still stands.

[Eduard]

Regardless...  I'd say a DNA test for paternity on the new baby might be in order.  At this point you don't know how long this has been going on and nothing she tells you should be taken at face value.

Divorce can be ugly.

I had the same thought right away but didn't know how to put it, Greg's had enough pain already. But since this has been brought up, I agree, the DNA test should be done taking everything in consideration.

[KenC]

For those who followed my adventure, marriage and birth of our son. Know that the fairy tale doesn't always have a happy ending. Lena decided that she wasn't happy with me after being here only nine months and has left me taking the children with her. Just shy of our 2nd wedding anniversary.  sometimes life sucks

My mistake was saying she cheated after only three months from her arrival, she didn't begin THIS affair until her 6th month here.  (3 months ago)  They obviously got married in Ukraine almost 2 years ago.
KenC

[Wild Orchid]

I never said he was younger

I'll ask again,

What was the age difference between you and your wife?

we have a BD calendar here, age difference is 20+. I think it is important, young women almost always expect financial stability from much older men and when they don't get it we know too well what comes next - they leave them. She wasn't the first one, not the last one.

Belated happy birthday, Bgreed! 

thanks for pointing that out Kev, I just read another posters data and I guess that was not correct. But in any case be it 3 months or 2 years my point still stands.

3 months or 6 months... big deal. Still TOO soon for any affairs when she had a young child to look after and just moved to the country.

[Maxx]

I think it is important, young women almost always expect financial stability from much older men and when they don't get it we know too well what comes next - they leave them. She wasn't the first one, not the last one.

I have talked with bgreed. His income puts him somewhere in the top 10% of income earners here in the US. He got her a new car. She wanted more and found a guy with deeper pockets. She hasn't secured her LPR card yet so an abuse claim will be made to the USCIS. He will be facing spousal maintenance and child support and her lawyer will be paid for by her lover. All the cards are stacked against and he will be hurt big time unless he pushes the immigration fraud issue in court. But sadly he wants her back and will put up a weak or non-existant defence. As KenC said people who go through this are not in the right frame of mind to handle these situations. Some even punish themselves for their mistakes in judgment.


Maxx

[alenika]

I wonder why she still is thinking if to stay back with bgreed... Maybe that another man doens't need her actually?

[TomT]

Her lover's day will come; she will eventually treat him exactly like she treated Greg.

[Wild Orchid]

I wonder why she still is thinking if to stay back with bgreed... Maybe that another man doens't need her actually?

I wonder where she is now? Did she go back to Ukraine? Is she still in USA with that guy? Looks like she is since he is paying for her lawyer. Smart women, hmmm... will get a lot from divorce and somebody else pays for expenses..

(Edited for polite content by Mod)


whatever... this case just cemented my opinion of them