Thoughts on 'breaking the 5 dates "rule"'

[ECR844]

"R_G,"

Beware the pitfall of over analyzing, thinking and intuiting things. Be sure to manage your expectations as there maybe reasons for all of this that just aren't known to you yet. Take it easy, proceed with caution but see where things go. She sounds like a keeper to me, and by over analyzing and questioning things you might come across as insecure and jeopardize any gains made to this point. I've found there are things that you can only learn by as much 24/7 time together as possible. Spend a month together 24/7 and you'll start to get an idea of her moods, habits and other things and a clearer picture of compatibility. Trust but verify, work smarter not harder.  

[TomT]

I won't call you anything You've got to do what you've got to do, but right now you are in the same situation as an investor who decides to invest all of his money in one stock... diversify a bit and you'll be better off IMHO.

That is a terrible analogy, Ed.

[Eduard]

I won't call you anything You've got to do what you've got to do, but right now you are in the same situation as an investor who decides to invest all of his money in one stock... diversify a bit and you'll be better off IMHO.

That is a terrible analogy, Ed.

I don't see that, Tom. The goal is to find a wife. RG  IMO would be better off meeting a few women rather than just one to get a feel for RW and see what might work for him long term and what might not.  Meeting just one RW might very well work out but so might work out investing in just one good stock as long as you are lucky...

[alenika]

I won't call you anything You've got to do what you've got to do, but right now you are in the same situation as an investor who decides to invest all of his money in one stock... diversify a bit and you'll be better off IMHO. Particularly that you had already made such good connection with some other ladies. You might find them no less amazing when you meet in person and possibly more affectionate?

It can be correct but not for this woman. While she is "putting all the eggs in one basket" - as analogy with tour investment, showing how meaningful start and development of relationship is for her, and he doing business calculations. That's exactly what she has been trying to avoid during all her life and why she is slow - to avoid the people who act and think like this.

This tactic can be correct with other women who do the same - that is consider it as business opportunities.

[Eduard]

I won't call you anything You've got to do what you've got to do, but right now you are in the same situation as an investor who decides to invest all of his money in one stock... diversify a bit and you'll be better off IMHO. Particularly that you had already made such good connection with some other ladies. You might find them no less amazing when you meet in person and possibly more affectionate?

It can be correct but not for this woman. While she is "putting all the eggs in one basket" - as analogy with tour investment, showing how meaningful start and development of relationship is for her, and he doing business calculations. That's exactly what she has been trying to avoid during all her life and why she is slow - to avoid the people who act and think like this.

This tactic can be correct with other women who do the same - that is consider it as business opportunities.

anything is possible. I don't think that either you or I can make any calls on this here situation since we weren't there during their meet or haven't even read any correspondence between them prior to the meeting. But this is the first RW that he met in person and if she is the one, then he really just won the lottery! I hope that he has, but the next trip he makes to Russia to meet her wouldn't be a bad idea to have a  "back up plan" IMO in case things aren't working out.

[TomT]

That is a terrible analogy, Ed.

I don't see that, Tom. The goal is to find a wife. RG  IMO would be better off meeting a few women rather than just one to get a feel for RW and see what might work for him long term and what might not.  Meeting just one RW might very well work out but so might work out investing in just one good stock as long as you are lucky...

Ed,

The problem is that someone might interpret your analogy to mean that a Russian woman can be bought like stock.

[Eduard]

That is a terrible analogy, Ed.

I don't see that, Tom. The goal is to find a wife. RG  IMO would be better off meeting a few women rather than just one to get a feel for RW and see what might work for him long term and what might not.  Meeting just one RW might very well work out but so might work out investing in just one good stock as long as you are lucky...

Ed,

The problem is that someone might interpret your analogy to mean that a Russian woman can be bought like stock.

well Tom, you know that's not what I meant at all 

[andrewfi]

The problem is that someone might interpret your analogy to mean that a Russian woman can be bought like stock.

You mean they can not? WOW, shock!

Eduard is right. The odds that this woman is 'the one' are very high against and RG's planning should reflect that reality. Of course his inamorata, unless dumb as a post, will need to increase her chances of success by doing everything she can to reduce the likelihood that he will see another woman as each other woman he meets reduces her chances of success. The woman need to have a different strategy to the men and, of course, that gets reflected even in posts by forum members here.

[Turboguy]

I think Eduard's analogy sounds like a pretty good one.

Actually this story sounds almost blow for blow like one a friend of mine told me about his efforts.   The opinion here seems to be that he should forget her and move on.

My friend met a woman he really liked and she was everything he wanted in a woman except, no sex.   I belive my suggestion to him was about like everyone here.  She is not into you.  Move on.  Well, he stayed in contact with her, went on one of Jack's tours, which is where I met him.   Hooked up with Eduard for a while and continued his search.   He did bring the lady her really liked to the DR in the hopes things would change.   They didn't.  He looked more but couldn't quite find anyone he liked as much as her.  He planned another get together and things finally did change.   They have continued to build on thier relationship and he is now in the K-1 process. 

I have read stories of couples who are in the sack almost upon meeting.  I have read stories where the 5 day rule fit perfect.   I do think that there are women who don't hop in the sack that easily and want to feel there is real potential for a future.     Many guys would really rather have a woman who doesn't hop in the sack with every Tom, Dick and Harry.    I do think it would be wise to look at other options but to not close the book on this lady since everything else is good.

[TomT]

well Tom, you know that's not what I meant at all.

I know what you meant. I was thinking about how an FSU woman (such as alenika) might interpret your comment.

[TomT]

My friend met a woman he really liked and she was everything he wanted in a woman except, no sex.   I belive my suggestion to him was about like everyone here.  She is not into you.  Move on.  Well, he stayed in contact with her, went on one of Jack's tours, which is where I met him.   Hooked up with Eduard for a while and continued his search.   He did bring the lady her really liked to the DR in the hopes things would change.   They didn't.  He looked more but couldn't quite find anyone he liked as much as her.  He planned another get together and things finally did change.   They have continued to build on thier relationship and he is now in the K-1 process. 

I seem to remember a woman writing that if a man travels to her place three or four times, she would guess that he is at least interested in her.

[Eduard]

  I do think it would be wise to look at other options but to not close the book on this lady since everything else is good.

this is exactly what I've been trying to say here 

[RG]

"R_G,"

Beware the pitfall of over analyzing, thinking and intuiting things. Be sure to manage your expectations as there maybe reasons for all of this that just aren't known to you yet. Take it easy, proceed with caution but see where things go. She sounds like a keeper to me, and by over analyzing and questioning things you might come across as insecure and jeopardize any gains made to this point. I've found there are things that you can only learn by as much 24/7 time together as possible. Spend a month together 24/7 and you'll start to get an idea of her moods, habits and other things and a clearer picture of compatibility. Trust but verify, work smarter not harder.  

Well said, and it is an issue I have in that I *do* tend to overanalyze many things.  One part wants to go only with emotions, and the other - well, I am an engineer by trade; I am paid to think, and I do.  In a relationship, this can mean there is some "churn" up front, as I may *feel* one thing, but I explore the options in thoughts, and weigh against what I 'feel.'  

It is perhaps not completely romantic, but it also has saved my hide from many a bad decision.  Over time, the 'analyzing' part diminishes to lower levels - I still pay attention to, and think about how someone acts, what they say and do, but it is far simpler than when there are more unknowns, an unusual situation, or at times, at the start of what may be a significant relationship.  In a way, I become more 'in tune' with the person, like most couples (?), so many of their actions do not require so much thinking about; but you know when something is wrong, or is not.

I remain certain there is much I do not know, yet.  In some things, she is simple, but in others...oof.  She is a woman.

[RG]

I won't call you anything You've got to do what you've got to do, but right now you are in the same situation as an investor who decides to invest all of his money in one stock... diversify a bit and you'll be better off IMHO. Particularly that you had already made such good connection with some other ladies. You might find them no less amazing when you meet in person and possibly more affectionate?

It can be correct but not for this woman. While she is "putting all the eggs in one basket" - as analogy with tour investment, showing how meaningful start and development of relationship is for her, and he doing business calculations. That's exactly what she has been trying to avoid during all her life and why she is slow - to avoid the people who act and think like this.

This tactic can be correct with other women who do the same - that is consider it as business opportunities.

It is not 'business,' and I do not play the odds, or 'take the safe bet.'  O is simply amazing to me.  Out of > 100 women who I have communicated with, if not more (it is more), there have been perhaps 5 in total with possible potential, to differing degrees.  Only O did I feel strongly enough to meet, and she has not mis-represented herself in any way, nor her family.  I have had quite long and detailed conversations now with both her brother and mother as well, and nothing in any of them is inconsistent nor concerning to me at this point in time.  I may be wrong, and this may not go as expected, but also I am not 'comparison shopping' at this point - I know who I am, what I like and do not like, and if I find someone that I feel so strongly about, there is no need for me to look further, unless the situation dictates otherwise in time.

I am quite certain many FSUW already feel like they are being 'shopped' for, and it is degrading to them, to think of that.  As was said, if it is a business experience for you, should it not also be for them?  No thank you.  Indeed, some conversations with some of my 'pen pals' have relayed such experiences, including from some that *know* we are not a match, so it is only conversation.  That is the last thing in the world that I would have someone I care about feel - as Mendy's 'courtship' thread states, as she will not bring in other men to 'persuade,' if you are serious about someone, there should be no mention of other women.  In this case, if she "knows" it or not, there will also be no actions by me that I know *she* would look at poorly, or be upset by.  

If I am wrong, then, the search continues.  If I am not, then I will also not feel guilty, even to myself, of my own actions.  So I will wait, and see where this goes.

My forum name does *not* start with an 'L.'  Enough said.