How Russian women view COURTSHIP and Dating

[Manny]

However, I don't really concur with the mother's or the father's right to reject the suitor in modern times.

My wife told me of a guy she met in College as a teenager, she took him home and introduced him to her parents, who didnt like him. It was their last date.

[Rasputin]

However, I don't really concur with the mother's or the father's right to reject the suitor in modern times.

My wife told me of a guy she met in College as a teenager, she took him home and introduced him to her parents, who didnt like him. It was their last date.

Well, you would hope that once a woman is in her late 20's she does not need dad to decide whether a man is right for her. That was, however, one of my criteria when looking. I absolutely did not want a woman who was dependent on her father or mother. If I had met a woman who needed her father's approval to date me, I would have cut and run.

[Voyager]

However, I don't really concur with the mother's or the father's right to reject the suitor in modern times.

My wife told me of a guy she met in College as a teenager, she took him home and introduced him to her parents, who didnt like him. It was their last date.

Well, you would hope that once a woman is in her late 20's she does not need dad to decide whether a man is right for her. That was, however, one of my criteria when looking. I absolutely did not want a woman who was dependent on her father or mother. If I had met a woman who needed her father's approval to date me, I would have cut and run.

On the other hand, if the girl and her MIL detest each other it will be a lifetime of conflict in the family....

[Manny]

However, I don't really concur with the mother's or the father's right to reject the suitor in modern times.

My wife told me of a guy she met in College as a teenager, she took him home and introduced him to her parents, who didn't like him. It was their last date.

Well, you would hope that once a woman is in her late 20's she does not need dad to decide whether a man is right for her.

It has been my experience that parents often hold the cards as to their daughters decision to marry. If the parents don't like the guy, it quite often ain't happening.

Your experiences may differ however.

[Rasputin]

It has been my experience that parents often hold the cards as to their daughters decision to marry. If the parents don't like the guy, it quite often ain't happening.

Your experiences may differ however.

If my MIL had not liked me, she would certainly have told my wife. Nonetheless, to marry or not to marry or to go to Canada or not was always my wife decision. Her father was not consulted when deciding to marry, but we did invite him to the wedding.

[mobyone]

Isn't it hard to tell if the woman you are trying to court is either:
testing your conviction,
or has lost interest in you?

No.. if you like the lady, and your felt the felings were reciprocated, then things seem cooler - ask your self - is this down to me ? If you feel not - TELL HER - her reaction will tell you all you need to know...

You are looking for a "life partner" and need to be able to communicate when apart

It seems her signals would be the same. For example, hanging up on you, saying that she is too sick to talk right after her phone had a busy signal, or not contacting you later after first saying that now's not a good time... this sort of thing. it is hard for me to believe that any of these are just a test. different women of course, not all from the same one.

If you get this "treatment",  politely explain your concerns and the reasons better be good.... it is possible to offend through misunderstanding - but if you feel you must "walk on egg-shells" to keep her happy ....

[pdc420]

Thanks for taking the time to write that up Mendeleyev, it was very insightful and Thank you Oksana were ever you may be!!                               




 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[mobyone]

Isn't it hard to tell if the woman you are trying to court is either:
testing your conviction,
or has lost interest in you?

No.. if you like the lady, and your felt the feelings were reciprocated, then things seem cooler - ask your self - is this down to me ? If you feel not - TELL HER - her reaction will tell you all you need to know...

You are looking for a "life partner" and need to be able to communicate when apart

It seems her signals would be the same. For example, hanging up on you, saying that she is too sick to talk right after her phone had a busy signal, or not contacting you later after first saying that now's not a good time... this sort of thing. it is hard for me to believe that any of these are just a test. different women of course, not all from the same one.

If you get this "treatment",  politely explain your concerns and the reasons better be good.... it is possible to offend through misunderstanding - but if you feel you must "walk on egg-shells" to keep her happy ....

[mendeleyev]

A Russian woman explains Russian women:

(Saw this is the Moscow Weekly and had to post it!) 

Russian witches

http://mnweekly.rian.ru/columnists/20080814/55342113.html

14/08/2008
There are lots of stereotypes about Russian women. The stereotypes' formations are undoubtedly connected with the women's beauty.

They may be said to be easygoing or plain easy, sincere or guileful, modest or extravagant. But they are always bright and remarkable. Over the years they have gained a special charm, an air of mystery, and have became a riddle for lots of foreigners. As in the past, Russian ladies conquer the Western public with their difference from Europeans, and today Russian beauties are still going global.

Europe isn't pampered with beautiful women, and that is why Russians are leading the field. Foreig­ners staying in Moscow point out that here beauty crowds the streets. All this makes Russian women a topic of many discussions. At one end of the spectrum, it is more common to associate extreme beauty with availability, and lots of foreigners are sure that if a girl is Russian she is determined to marry a foreigner and to leave Russia for the West. Her only desire seems to be a radiant future far from Rus­sia, with her wealthy husband who considers himself to be a buyer. You can read in the men's eyes: "I bought her a drink - I can do what I want!" The charms of Rus­sian women established, their other image as hardworking wives and mothers is equally enduring. The images of hard-working peasants (in imperial and Soviet Russia) are resonant and long-lived.

A better experience of Rus­sian women comes at a higher level. If a man is more intelligent, he understands the miracle of the "Russian soul." The latter expression can't be described, just felt or experienced. It presents many riddles, and the way of solving them is paved with several obstacles. Beauty strikes first, the understanding of its origin appears next. "Russian women combine Slavic sincerity and European delicacy," "They are all witches there: magnificent eyes and posture, they will easily cast a spell upon you!"

Having faced both ap­proaches, I found out that the interest certainly exists. But the first doesn't take into account their intellect. "Wo­men from Russia are very kind, mild, they always take care of their family. They are obedient and want to be patronized." When I read this I was shocked - this sentence can't be true of all the nation's people. Yet, there is no smoke without a fire; such an opinion may have its origin in the women from some ex-Soviet countries that are still regarded as Russians. One of the Italian forums on the Internet is full of favorable comments that Rus­sian women have received from their employers. "Enthusiastic, enduring, punctual, irreproachable. Plus they always manage to be perfect and elegant!"

For the second approach, independence is one of the most significant features of Russian women. They let men pay for them in restaurants, take precious presents, but it never means they are conquered. Desiring to remain a mystery, they never concede everything and always have a few cards to play. And Western men swallow this cookie, they adore Russian women. This game is interesting for both. Russian women aren't accustomed to such attitudes, as Russian men's habits differ. Having grown up among plenty of beautiful women, they don't regard it as a mystery or surprise. But they should.

Now that I have showed some stereotypes, I hope that both the Russian and foreign male populations will regard Russian women as treasures. Here we are, mysterious witches with extreme power. 

By Daria Chernyshova

[bobjf]

natasha told her parents & daughter we were going to marry & they could like me or not,there problem.
thankfully my mother inlaw thinks the sun shines out of you know were 

i have learn't not to mess with my rw,very dangerous :scared0005:lol
she made it very clear right from the start that it wasn't a game & if i was only shopping so to speak then she wasn't interested.
needless to say the chase was over before it began,i just didn't know it at the time

[fireeater]

natasha told her parents & daughter we were going to marry & they could like me or not,there problem.
thankfully my mother inlaw thinks the sun shines out of you know were 

i have learn't not to mess with my rw,very dangerous :scared0005:lol
she made it very clear right from the start that it wasn't a game & if i was only shopping so to speak then she wasn't interested.
needless to say the chase was over before it began,i just didn't know it at the time

    Men never actually choose, the woman just let us believe we did. 

[Chillidog]

Mendeleyev,

good post, you always give some good insight. As some have posted these can only be generalizations.

It gives us some food for thought and also helps (at least me) in getting a better understanding of FSU women their outlook/view point

[iheartrw]

How Russian women view COURTSHIP and Dating:


Her mindset during courtship is that she is the only woman in your world.

That should clue you in to how most of these ladies view a "plan B."

I was curious at what point would she consider the courtship to have begun?

[mendeleyev]

Generally speaking, there are two possible points.

One is when a local guy expresses his intent to court her.  If she is a decent woman she'll make a decision on whether or not she wishes to pursue the same.  If yes, then typically it's over for other relationships so that she can give the relationship a chance to see if it can work.  A "two timing" girl locally is not a woman you wish to marry.

The second concerns international courtship.  In that case she may reserve the right to write other guys, date locally, etc, because in her mind you aren't yet "real."  You're a nice email fantasy who makes her feel special, but that is it because frankly, many write but few travel.  However the first man who comes to visit usually, all things being equal, usually wins the day.  Why?  See number one.  Now you are "real" and she is willing to say goodbye to the others in order to concentrate on seeing if the relationship with you will work.

[Olga_Mouse]

http://lady.mail.ru/article/61090

1. He knows what he wants

2. He is an optimist

3. He is ready to change for his woman

4. He is always a mystery for her

5. He handles financial questions reasonably

===================================

P.S. I personally completely agree with 1 & 5, though somehow hesitant about 2 (not really possible in Russia), 3 (not possible at all after the age of 5) and 4 (there are enough mysteries around - I don't need yet one more in my bed!!)

[fireeater]

http://lady.mail.ru/article/61090

1. He knows what he wants

2. He is an optimist

3. He is ready to change for his woman

4. He is always a mystery for her

5. He handles financial questions reasonably

===================================

P.S. I personally completely agree with 1 & 5, though somehow hesitant about 2 (not really possible in Russia), 3 (not possible at all after the age of 5) and 4 (there are enough mysteries around - I don't need yet one more in my bed!!)

Ms Mouse

Number one is possible outside of Russia, 

Number three should not be the word change but instead the word compromise.   

Number 5 - I agree.  8)   

But you could use the same statement for her as well as him. But I think number 4 would apply in that case,   

[jb]

Ms Mouse;

Every woman knows there is no "perfect" man.  All she can do is take that imperfect lump of clay and mold it into something she can live with.   God knows, my wife has been reshaping me for years now.

[Rasputin]

3. He is ready to change for his woman
 
3 (not possible at all after the age of 5)  

Why is it no possible? True, one can't change one's core personality, but some things can be changed if a man is willing. I discovered a joy to cooking that I did not know that I had. With my wife, I learned how to be more frugal. I would say that her influence has been quite positive and I did improve in many ways.

This is the advice that my mother gave: you have six months to set the tone for the marriage. After that time, you both will be set in your ways and it will be very difficult to change things after that point. My wife took this advice to heart 

[fireeater]

3. He is ready to change for his woman
 
3 (not possible at all after the age of 5)  

Why is it no possible? True, one can't change one's core personality, but some things can be changed if a man is willing. I discovered a joy to cooking that I did not know that I had. With my wife, I learned how to be more frugal. I would say that her influence has been quite positive and I did improve in many ways.

This is the advice that my mother gave: you have six months to set the tone for the marriage. After that time, you both will be set in your ways and it will be very difficult to change things after that point. My wife took this advice to heart 

Liking cooking could also be define as just learning something new, and not a actually change in you. We never stop learning something, if we are open to what is around us. It could be that you just discovered another aspect to yourself you never knew, or thought about. When I was  younger I never thought I would cook a full christmas dinner, yet do it now.

Now my father was an avid horse rider before marriage, and his family.
Never heard him mention this at all, found out only after he died. 

Did he change or was that a compromise that he gladly made for having a wife and children.

He loved watching sports but also gave the TV over when the family was present, even half way through the game. No change only a compromise, he did for his family. 

As a single you have only yourself to please. When married you have another that can be viewed as more important then yourself. In a lot a ways you are learning new skills, and adding them to who you are. Some of your olders ones are just as not as important as others any more. Add in children and you have other skills to learn.

I had a friend who started a paintball field. I played many times. When I got married I still played but as not as frequent. When my son arrived I stopped. No change in my desire, it was just replaced with something different that was more important.   

By the way is it Ms mouse that states age five. She does have a low opinion of us men. 

[BelleZeBoob]

http://lady.mail.ru/article/61090

1. He knows what he wants

2. He is an optimist

3. He is ready to change for his woman

4. He is always a mystery for her

5. He handles financial questions reasonably

===================================

P.S. I personally completely agree with 1 & 5, though somehow hesitant about 2 (not really possible in Russia), 3 (not possible at all after the age of 5) and 4 (there are enough mysteries around - I don't need yet one more in my bed!!)

1. he should love her, and

2. she should love him...

jeez I am an incurable optimist

[2tallbill]

http://lady.mail.ru/article/61090

1. He knows what he wants

2. He is an optimist

3. He is ready to change for his woman

4. He is always a mystery for her

5. He handles financial questions reasonably

===================================

P.S. I personally completely agree with 1 & 5, though somehow hesitant about 2 (not really possible in Russia), 3 (not possible at all after the age of 5) and 4 (there are enough mysteries around - I don't need yet one more in my bed!!)

1. he should love her, and

2. she should love him...

jeez I am an incurable optimist

I like Lilia's list better.

A good woman can change a man especially around the edges, but

3. He is ready to change for his woman


This is totally BS,
Guys get changed I agree, but it's done on a level that men don't
even realize it. Pretty soon a guy realizes that his favorite shirt with the
mustard stain has disappeared, that his socks match, the Dallas Cowboys
cheerleader poster is missing, and that life is much better than before. A
woman has subtly improved him.

IMHO if an RW finds a man who say's " I am ready to change for you" then
she tosses him right back. What kind of spineless jellyfish can he be?

The most popular articles in women's magazines can be characterized as
belonging of one of two subjects.

1. Men are disgusting beasts
2. How to get yourself a man

Just my two kopecks,

Bill

[Excedryn]

  Quite impressed with the initial post. Being fairly new to the game I can't pin where and when courtship begins. It is definitely a far cry different from women in the states. Oddly, some of these (mis)conceptions posted have been discussed between myself and lady I have been in correspondence with. From that standpoint, at least with her, many do ring true.

So while I am newbie here I will just say thanks for the post and continue to go about my merry way and learn more. I feel like a sponge in a sink full of water at the moment 

[mendeleyev]

Excedryn, glad it rang true with you and the lady you are writing! As you become more active at RUA you'll be impressed with the depth of experience from most of the contributors. Sometimes the ideas may conflict with another but we welcome debate and discussion so you can gain exposure to all sides. This is the best forum on the planet. 

[Nessibelle]

Really very impressed by the first posting, it is all true! And not only about Russian Women, but about Kazakh too.

[boatingguy]

Thanks for this very well written summary.  I read a book called Wedded Strangers: The Challenges of Russian-American Marriages and it mentioned many of the things that you have summarized here.