Reassuring is wrong?

[Manny]

Martin, there are millions of women in the world with whom you can have a long and happy relationship. There's no need to settle for one who does not want you. This isn't healthy.

Sometimes, people don't like to let go because of the emotional investment they have put in.

[andrewfi]

The economist in me says 'sunk cost fallacy'. Economics isn't just about money.

Chucking good money after bad is almost never a good idea, same with relationships. I can better understand it when one is not so distant - but that's about cost too!

Short of kidnap, imprisonment and rape, this is the choice of the woman. Real life is not 365 Days!

And wasn't that a shite movie? How come it's so popular? Does kidnap and imprisonment turn women on?

[2tallbill]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

Don't hold your breath. It could be months or it could be never before
a Russian woman decides to read or react to the thread.

[Lon]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

Don't hold your breath. It could be months or it could be never before
a Russian woman decides to read or react to the thread.

should I talk to the missus?  does any one think that it will be decent advice?  what defines decent advice for you, martincop?  are you looking for a smooth pet down your back "there, there"?

[Contrarian]

Same woman

And she's young. That is probably part of the issue. She's young.

The next is how old is she?

And how old is he?

Martin, is this the same woman I know of, or another?

So you've confused lust for something else.

She had a quick fling with you and then she came to her senses.

Newsflash Martin, a young woman half your age or even less prefers a younger man.

[andrewfi]

Contrarian, I understand your point, but it ain't necessarily so. But for it to work there needs to be a compelling reason.
Social position, money, access to resources or even the old favourite of daddy issues.

So, for most guys, you're right.

One thing's for sure, appearing needy is not a good look as far as women are concerned. No matter what the relative age difference may be.

Many, perhaps most, women seem to have a time in their lives when a relationship of some kind with an older guy is what they want. For most that phase does not last long.

Perhaps because I have spent the last month or so in an upmarket environment here in Spain, Olga and I have seen quite a few couples with an obviously large age gap. None of the guys has looked like 'Mr Average Earner' and the women have all been attractive, if not supermodels in appearance. All the guys had an X Factor. They'd be attractive to most women.

So, to Martin, I'd say, learn about yourself. Decide what you can offer to a young woman to excite and interest her in the long term and give it to her. You'll keep her as long as you continue to fulfill her needs.

Be honest with her. Tell her what you want. Tell her what can offer, show her that you can do what you say, build trust and keep that trust.

Yeah, Olga is not half my age, somewhat less than 2/3 of it. But as she told me this morning, in at least one respect that is important to her, I am not 61 years old. She's happy with the package, I intend to continue to offer the package and develop it. Oh, importantly, I modified my 'offer' to suit her.

But  this woman? Treat her as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes. You probably can't offer the same 'package' as I can, but develop your own. Perfect it. You'll find a right woman.

[dorbradavid]

One thing's for sure, appearing needy is not a good look as far as women are concerned. No matter what the relative age difference may be.

Ditto 

[Guile]

Did you meet this woman in Russia or another country? i don't think there's any Russian women actively participating in this forum

Ask her to do a video talk and if she won't then cut ties and move on.

[Manny]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

Don't hold your breath. It could be months or it could be never before
a Russian woman decides to read or react to the thread.

My Olga offered him a very cheap hour of consultation.

[B.B.]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

You could always post in the "Ask a Russian Woman" subforum, although not sure that's particularly active.

I just want her to know she's not alone and not worthless and I am not going anywhere. She actually doesn't want to push me away. But does. And then drags me back. I understand. It's the trauma.

What trauma?

The problem her is that you have "One-itis" and are going to cling to her until she has to peel you off of her.  If she wants to back off, let her.  Go chat up other girls.  Move on with your life.  When she gets over whatever it is, she will let you know. 

B/B

[Lon]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

You could always post in the "Ask a Russian Woman" subforum, although not sure that's particularly active.

I just want her to know she's not alone and not worthless and I am not going anywhere. She actually doesn't want to push me away. But does. And then drags me back. I understand. It's the trauma.

What trauma?

The problem her is that you have "One-itis" and are going to cling to her until she has to peel you off of her.  If she wants to back off, let her.  Go chat up other girls.  Move on with your life.  When she gets over whatever it is, she will let you know. 

B/B

and when martincop has chatted up others and moved on, maybe he will find that he has moved on 

[Contrarian]

I'm still hoping for some decent advice from a Russian woman.

Don't hold your breath. It could be months or it could be never before
a Russian woman decides to read or react to the thread.

My Olga offered him a very cheap hour of consultation.

Which it seems he is likely ignoring. At least he did hire a professional in the first place.

But in the second place he seems to only be here hoping for validation for wanting to "cling to her until she has to peel you off of her" as B/B just wrote.

[2tallbill]

should I talk to the missus?  does any one think that it will be decent advice?  what defines decent advice for you, martincop?  are you looking for a smooth pet down your back "there, there"?

I know your Missus, she is just as likely to be brandishing an
axe handle as soft, comforting/soothing advice.

Asking a Russian woman for advice is not for the faint of heart or
for those with thin skin. 

[Lon]

should I talk to the missus?  does any one think that it will be decent advice?  what defines decent advice for you, martincop?  are you looking for a smooth pet down your back "there, there"?

I know your Missus, she is just as likely to be brandishing an
axe handle as soft, comforting/soothing advice.

nope, you do not know my missus, she has cast iron pans  (do not ask how I know)

Asking a Russian woman for advice is not for the faint of heart or
for those with thin skin.

martincop needs more exposure to Slavic women to stiffen his heart/thicken his skin

Markje said
"1. Cut your losses and find someone else or 2. Get on a plane asap and ask face2face."

[Guile]

Crash and burn then I take it?  OP hasn't posted since his original post.

[Texan77]

I had a 6 month courtship and relationship with a lovely young woman. We met each other, write to each other everyday, every morning and night. We have cute little words of endearment to each other. We had a romantic week together. just two months ago She is sweet, innocent, hardworking and independent. We talked like we were a couple planning a life and future together. We were very much a couple.

Recently she was acting very strange and after 3 weeks of barely communicating with me, I surmised something very traumatic happened to her.  She won't tell me exactly but I can guess.

I reassure her she is still wonderful to me. That I care very much for her.  That whatever happened to her we can work through it as a couple and I didn't want her to go at this alone. She can tell me when she is ready. I didn't want her to be alone with this pain.

But the more I try to reassure her she is wanted and valued the more she pushes me away. She says she is not ready for a relationship at this point and I am pressuring her to get into a relationship. 

I understand that but I want to make sure she knows I can be there for her. I can wait for her.

Advice? I am all ears to listening and learning. I really like this woman and I don't want to screw it up during this time. I would like to go visit her in person but she has told me not to visit her. After telling me we should see each other yesterday. I understand she is confused too.

In all likely hood, she found or is considering someone else.