Ex wife poll

[2tallbill]

I have been saying for years that most divorced men describe their ex-wife
as crazy (or worse). Since there are a lot of divorced men here, this poll can
either prove or disprove my theory. You can vote only once. If you've never
been divorced and never been married. Tick the never been married box. 

[Markje]

My ex is completely sane I guess.

We separated first, then divorced, then slowly contact withered and last time i spoke to her was 5 years before my Ru-adventures.

And it helps that at that time, we did not share any assets, the house was completely mine and all her things she got a send-off from me and I bought new the stuff I really missed.

[AvHdB]

If we have multiple ex’s do we get to vote multiple times?

[redroo]

My Russian Ex is not truly insane, more she is a text book narcissist......and I mean textbook.
We get along, but would never be friendly if it wasn't for our child.
I decided before I divorced her, to bite my tongue and focus on co-parenting. It didn't stop her running away to Russia with him for awhile, but eventually (with her mothers help I might add) I was able to get them returned. As a result I actually ended up with majority care, and have loved raising him with her (irregular) help.
Access being something many other men struggle with when relationships are adversarial, I feel truly blessed.

My previous marriage;
I would describe her as a normal gal (Kiwi), who just wanted different life to the one I provided/shared :-)

[dorbradavid]

If we have multiple ex’s do we get to vote multiple times?

LOL 

[dorbradavid]

My Russian Ex is not truly insane, more she is a text book narcissist......and I mean textbook.
We get along, but would never be friendly if it wasn't for our child.
I decided before I divorced her, to bite my tongue and focus on co-parenting. It didn't stop her running away to Russia with him for awhile, but eventually (with her mothers help I might add) I was able to get them returned. As a result I actually ended up with majority care, and have loved raising him with her (irregular) help.
Access being something many other men struggle with when relationships are adversarial, I feel truly blessed.

My previous marriage;
I would describe her as a normal gal (Kiwi), who just wanted different life to the one I provided/shared :-)

Yup, except that we simply do not get along, I avoid her as much as possible. 

[yankee]

If we have multiple ex’s do we get to vote multiple times?

me too, first is sane but a bitch and second is bat sh...t crazy

[2tallbill]

me too, first is sane but a bitch and second is bat sh...t crazy

[andrewfi]

In cases where one now considers one's former spouse to be insane or a nasty person, is that not a selection issue? It seems hard to blame a woman for being the way she is when it is your fault that you chose her in the first place?

Likewise, in some cases, I am sure that one is seeing a reaction to the man and his personality and traits. That might well be poor selection on the part of the woman.

As for having a long checklist of attributes that one's spouse should have, how many of you guys ever list them as desirable or essential? There's a huge difference! Nobody is perfect.

If a list reaches into the tens of attributes, surely you are being too restrictive?

At the same time, to what extent does your list reflect your own value. For example, statistically, most of you guys are overweight, not wealthy and not young. So, when you start putting in qualities such as 'must be slender' and must be younger than X years - are you not pricing yourselves out of the market in which you want to be an informed and positive buyer?

And, yes, some might point a finger at me and say  - Andrewfi, you are not married! And that's true, but I have no ill feelings toward any of my previous long-term partners. Most of them remain friends - to the degree that we go on vacations together either as groups or as a couple. Right now, a former girlfriend of several years is staying with me in my apartment. So, I'd say that I was doing something right.

To that end, there are only a few points that are very important to me:
1) I should be able to trust the person
2) She should follow through on her commitments
3) She should be (or be capable of being) independent of me - that is, not a pet.

The first two are essential, and the latter is desirable.

The world is full of attractive women of all ages, so I have never needed to make a specification for those attributes. Every woman I have shared part of my life with has been attractive and I have no qualms about a relationship with a woman close to me in years, although I tend to eschew 19-year-olds. They are fun for a short time, but not longer.

Worth noting - the older one gets, the greater the range of women available to a man.

Worth a read: https://www.cnn.com/2013/08/16/living/dating-checklists/index.html

[dorbradavid]

In cases where one now considers one's former spouse to be insane or a nasty person, is that not a selection issue? It seems hard to blame a woman for being the way she is when it is your fault that you chose her in the first place?

I dunno, I'm not perfect, but I was pretty open and forthcoming to her about what I was like. I found that the girl I thought I knew (spent summers and winters in Kiev) changed considerably in behavior after about a month in the US. 

[andrewfi]

I dunno, I'm not perfect, but I was pretty open and forthcoming to her about what I was like. I found that the girl I thought I knew (spent summers and winters in Kiev) changed considerably in behavior after about a month in the US. 

I really do think that the situation is different with women with whom one does not share language or culture! I was referring to most of the folks above (and elsewhere on the forum) who were criticising women from their own culture who share the same native language.

A thing I have noticed over the years is a tendency for women from 'other countries' to seek a foreign husband because for one reason or another they were not able to have a long-term relationship with a local guy.

That issue has also happened to me. Issues of personality and mental health can be easily disguised when one does not share language or culture - especially when the woman's friends and family are complicit in deception. And yes, I am certain that nobody involved (apart from the hapless foreigner would consider it a deception!) Of course, in most cases, there's also the limitation of time.

So, there are plenty of reasons why a woman might appear to change after a short time in a new environment. But for guys moaning about evil and mad women from their own country? That's a different story. Time, language and culture are non-issues. So, we are left with poor mate selection - no matter how long the checklist of mate qualities might be.

[Jonas!]

I hold no grudges against ex'es or think they were or are crazy.   Some people change and some don't   some change into something better and others into something worse or different then what the spouse currently desires. that goes for men or women.   For some, rolling the dice isn't in their nature and for others that is a spice of life.   I think the risk adverse are more affected  by spousal changes and are more prone to lashing out with the blame game.  I would think overall, the men who gravitate towards a site like this are less risk adverse than the general public by quite a bit. 
For some personality types it is definitely best not to get involved because they are bound to feel they lost. 

Jonas!   

[andrewfi]

For some personality types it is definitely best not to get involved because they are bound to feel they lost. 

Jonas!

OOOOH, yes!

But that probably applies to relationships in general!

Not a naturalist, but it seems to me that humans are a tad unusual. Most males get to mate. Most people expect to mate, So all types get to mate - or at least have a mate.

Is that a good thing?

I guess it is if one wants to make lots and lots of humans. But would fewer, better, humans be a better long-term option?

So, the 'right' types end up with a harem of females and not all females get selected for harems.

Oooer, Andrew. That's poking a stick into a stinky hole, eh?

[Manny]

I put this on the previous topic:

Every man thinks his exwife is cRaZy.

I must be an outlier. I’ve employed my ex the last decade or so. She has awesome customer service skills. She was crazy but she calmed down somewhat over the years. Still a bit crazy now and then, but manageably so. My wife works with her. They got used to each other. They’ll never be pals and are just colleagues. After a decade, neither of them care too much. Neither was a direct rival to the other as they didn’t overlap. They both bring much value to the business and for that we all benefit.

[AvHdB]

For some personality types it is definitely best not to get involved because they are bound to feel they lost. 

Jonas!

OOOOH, yes!

But that probably applies to relationships in general!

Not a naturalist, but it seems to me that humans are a tad unusual. Most males get to mate. Most people expect to mate, So all types get to mate - or at least have a mate.

Is that a good thing?

I guess it is if one wants to make lots and lots of humans. But would fewer, better, humans be a better long-term option?

So, the 'right' types end up with a harem of females and not all females get selected for harems.

Oooer, Andrew. That's poking a stick into a stinky hole, eh?

Assuming age requirements are abided by, there are (sadly) no laws to prevent humans from mating. We can see the results around us.

[andrewfi]

And not just laws. I am not one to get into the weeds of social support, but it is clear that in many countries there is a degree of incentivisation for women to have babies that they lack the resources to support.

If a rabbit cannot get enough food then she will not breed. But women (and couples) who cannot get enough food are happy to breed like rabbits and be subsidised by governments through taxation.

Imma gonna have to put that stick away!

[Wiz]

As I have already posted somewhere on this board, originally I was living in the Greek Island of Corfu working for a Nationalised company, since 1965. Corfu, those years, was very popular with British tourists, and many of us that we could speak passable English had no problems meeting English Young ladies. I am sure the British people would remember the 18-30 club etc……we had very good times…….

I met my ex wife, early in 1968 at a car hire office where I was doing afternoon shift for pocket Money. Well the boss asked her if she is driving and when she said yes and she was not only speaking English but also Fluent French, German and little Russian. Next day I invite her out for a drink together with her friend and after that we continued alone. Soon after her friend went back to GB, she moved in my flat and we had a wonderful time. End of the season, on 1969, her parents invite both of us to visit her home by the sea, in the South of England.

We stayed nearly a month, I got to know her parents and they agreed for us to go back to Corfu and live there.  To keep parents happy while we were in UK we get married at the registry office, Mother bought her
a new MINI estate car, where she took all her personal clothes and we drove all the way down to Brindisi/Italy, where we got the every day ferry to Corfu…..and started our Married life. Next September her mother came to Greece, and we got married in the Greek Church, according to the Greek customs and after that she got her Greek nationality and Passport … and the bloody Junta police stopped pestering me about her visa. Soon after we had 2 boys born both in the UK and later educated and finish the Uni's...... the Old with  a PHD in computers and the second A Masters Diploma in economics.

By the end of the 70’…..I was running a small Tourist operation for villas in Corfu and due to circumstances beyond our control, I left Greece and came to UK where soon we realised that I can make allot more money working in the UK. After 2 years living apart she decided to divorce me…..she took the sons booked tickets and arrived in UK unbeknown to her that I had via the consulate send my permission to the police in Athens not to stop her as a father I had the right to do, according to the Greek law.

Any how after 2 years she decided to officially divorce me and when I received the documents the following Sunday visit her and the kids. We all went out for the day and when back at her home…… we send kids out in the garden and I showed her the documents… asking her how exactly she would like to settle my obligations.

I was told that according to the law, I had to pay £25 per child monthly, to which I replied I will arrange for a direct debit of £100 monthly while the going was good, direct to her account and told her that if one day I become unemployed and can’t pay….. she had to wait till I found a new job to which she agreed.

After that, I also told her… like it or not until we both die, we will have to meet in weddings, christening etc. As it happens since 1981 we almost speak to each other every week and we exchange any info and photos we have about our children etc. BTW we have 7 grand children from both sons.

When I told her that I am getting married to a Russian woman…… she told me what to do  and of course she told me when she arrives in the UK….. I have to visit her in her house and introduced her. Which I did!

When finally I introduced them they behaved like sisters and when my ex went to hospital my Russian wife gave me a bloody headache to move my ass and run to hospital fast….. and when they met… and the first wife was alive….. they both started crying like Real bloody sisters!

Sorry but I don’t think I could do any better……. And you better feel sorry for me!

 

[AvHdB]

Nice tale!  

[Wiz]

Nice tale!  

WHY Tale?

You think I am lying?

[AvHdB]

Nice tale!  

WHY Tale?

You think I am lying?

English is certainly not your forte. Below is the definition of tale.


noun: tale; plural noun: tales

a fictitious or true narrative or story, especially one that is imaginatively recounted