Sugar Babies, Sugar Daddies and Seeking.com - an alternative perspective!

[andrewfi]

Recently my relationship of several years came to an end. I must be doing something wrong, eh?

My ex was English and lived in the UK. It was hard, and at the end impossible, to keep things going with the events of the past couple of years and the spark kinda died out. I wanted to try to rekindle it now that travel has opened up. She didn't and so...

I started using Tinder again and have had some pleasant chats and may meet one or two of the women who I have matched with. That was how I met my Ex, so I have no bad feelings about the site apart from the absolute lack of information and the unfortunate reality that women tend to swipe right on only a very small proportion of the available profiles, apparently, it is as harsh as about 1 or 2%. Statistically, I was doing really well. Most guys my age get zilch!

A friend of mine, an expat, suggested something I had not considered. Using seeking.com. He set up an arrangement that worked well for him and fitted his lifestyle. I was not looking for a romantic setup and I thought 'why not?'

I checked the site out. For some reason, it works really badly on my mobile but fine on my desktop and tablet.

The cost, that struck me. A month was going to cost €100. But I whacked up my profile and waited to see what would happen. I wrote the profile carefully and supported it with a single, well-taken pic that reflects me quite well. By the way, I wrote the profile taking account of what women were asking for in their profiles. We call that mirroring - it is well worth doing. In sales terms, I was packaging myself to appeal to the stated needs and desires of the target market. I was open and honest, but reading profiles before I started was a very useful exercise.

I was looking only for women within a relatively close distance. There's no reason for me to set anything up with a woman from the Philipines or Germany! There were only a few hundred profiles within my target range but I was seeing women from 18 or 19 up to mid-40s.

I was not proactive, in fact, I did not need to be. Within a day I had quite a few contacts with a fair few from where I live and a couple from places not too far away.

In order to start communicating, I had to pony up some money.

Over the course of the next few days I have been chatting with several women and I have had a surprise, possibly a revelation.

It ain't all about sugar babes and money!

Of course, there's a whole lot of that. Most seem to flag their status quite accurately. To my surprise, I ended up concentrating on two women. One I will likely meet this weekend and the other is coming up, assuming all goes well, next weekend.

In neither case is money the door opener.

My initial hypothesis is that for many women Seeking.com offer what they need! They want relationships with guys who are solvent. The high subscription price is a good gatekeeper for that. If a bloke can't muster €100 then he is, by definition, too poor.

Of course, there are plenty of cash related opportunities my friend was bunging a 26-year-old student in Finland about $1400 per month for meetings at times that suited him each week. She was working on her PhD and he was keeping her from needing to have a distracting job.

I have had a lot of fun chatting with various women who, without exception, were very attractive, assuming their profiles are genuine - and most of the women I have interacted with are photo verified.

Of course, I cannot say what the 'market' looks like in other places, but right here, Seeking.com looks like a very viable way to meet relationship-minded women. In my case, I make it clear that I am not looking for marriage etc, and Seeking's setup means that I have not had to go through a load of bullish!t.

[redroo]

Where are you based these days Andrew?

[andrewfi]

At the moment I am in Estonia.

[redroo]

 

[andrewfi]

This kid in a candy store must stop visiting the site. Too much activity for me.

I already have three good contacts with a date lined up in a week, possibly one this weekend and one, the silly woman, has to wait because her covid passport is not valid so no hotels or restaurants. She has to get a booster to validate it, So that's two weeks after she gets jabbed next week.

And, yeah, no need for comments about the jab. Those are the rules by which we have to play right now.

[Manny]

and one, the silly woman, has to wait because her covid passport is not valid so no hotels or restaurants. She has to get a booster to validate it, So that's two weeks after she gets jabbed next week.

I didn't know that was a thing there.

Can't you just meet her in the park and buy her a cup of coffee or something to say hello, break the ice and see if she passes muster?

[andrewfi]

Manny, we could do that. But, as marriage is not at the forefront of my mind and time is not of the essence, I am willing to take a chance that we might get along OK over the course of a weekend at a nice spa hotel.

Yes, in order travail oneself of most of the social and entertainment offerings here one must present a digital pass showing eligibility. It's the law. To be fair some places have become more lax in the very recent past but one cannot count on it. So booking an hotel, for example, without being able to show the pass is a fool's errand.

That said, I might check on when she got vaccinated because unless she was Johnson jabbed (which quite a few here were) she must've been double jabbed very early on!

[andrewfi]

Well, I had my first 'date' with a woman from Seeking.com at the weekend. It went very well.
We had dinner at her hotel - she was in Tallinn on a training course.

She was 44 years old, very attractive, good company and we hit it off.

It is likely that we will meet up again and next time will be for a weekend at one of the nice spa hotels where she lives.

She claimed that the profile had been put up by her 15-year-old daughter - which I did not believe for one moment, but had no interest in challenging her about it.

She is looking for serious relationships and it was clear that she is looking for a bloke who is solvent, but she is deffo not on a P4P basis. Much as the other women with whom I have been chatting.

There's a very noticeable influx of new profiles from 'women' in Ukraine. I cannot see how they can possibly carry out the promises and suggestions they make at the moment given the situation there.

Another thing that is noticeable is the number of Chinese women. I chatted with one, but she was cutting her trip to Estonia short due to the 'uncertainties' we are seeing at the moment. If she returns we will likely meet up. She flew home at the weekend. She told me she had her own business in beauty products and spends time here promoting and supporting her products over here and across the Baltics.

Lastly, the girl who needed a booster jab had been one who had the J&J jab which explains the timing. With a bit of luck, the vaccine passport thing will be reduced or removed this week. Mask wearing will remain mandatory for the time being.

[andrewfi]

Sadly no follow up from my first 'date'.

Tonight was my second date. Had a very pleasant evening with a very attractive young woman. We have an agreement to meet up for a nice weekend away in one or two weeks.

Sadly, the second date of the weekend has been postponed.

But this is all good fun!

[dorbradavid]

WADR, if you use Tinder I can state pretty confidently you're not going to find a stable, long-term relationship.

I have two dogs. I maintain them at my expense, and all they do is look good and provide the occasional affection. Who needs Sugar Babies?   

Recently my relationship of several years came to an end. I must be doing something wrong, eh?

I started using Tinder again

[Lord of the Dance]

Sadly no follow up from my first 'date'.

Tonight was my second date. Had a very pleasant evening with a very attractive young woman. We have an agreement to meet up for a nice weekend away in one or two weeks.

Sadly, the second date of the weekend has been postponed.

But this is all good fun!

Good for getting out there Andrew. 

[andrew99]

as soon as i saw seeking.com .....oh dear

These seeking.com girls (paid members)have access to a forum where they discuss what males pay on dates and the 'no money but coffee guys' get flagged. They also have whatsapp groups . You must be paying good money to stay on seeking.com.

[andrewfi]

Yeah, paupers exclude themselves. It's a benefit, not a bug.

And yes, there are such groups. What is also entirely clear are that the points and benefits I mentioned upthread are entirely correct.

If I wanted to sponsor somebody, then I'd be doing so.

As it is, while I am not entirely averse to the idea, that's not what I am doing. It is also not what the women I have met are looking for.

You can take my information and do with it what you choose. You can learn and grow - or not.

The fact that paupers and people who are not action takers tend to exclude themselves makes using the site far more productive than any other dating site I have ever used. This makes the relatively high subscription fee seem very good value. I rather doubt that I will continue the payment past the second month. The second month may prove to be unnecessary - it'll probably be a backstop. In either case, that'd make the outlay pretty low oversall.

Oh, a hint that might be helpful - when I asked why all of the three women with whom I engaged seriously either contacted me or responded to my contacts did so they all said much the same thing:
I made my profile statements about them and I made it clear that my goal was not simply meetings for sex.

It seems that most guys have simple, direct and somewhat unsubtle interactions that do not engender a positive response.

[dorbradavid]

Ditto

People have run stats of seekong.com/seekingarrangement.com and the outcome is vastly not good. Like going to a casino and betting on the green double zero. 

as soon as i saw seeking.com .....oh dear

These seeking.com girls (paid members)have access to a forum where they discuss what males pay on dates and the 'no money but coffee guys' get flagged. They also have whatsapp groups . You must be paying good money to stay on seeking.com.

[andrewfi]

One thing to bear in mind, only s vsnishingly small proportion of femsle premium members exist.

To an 'aware' male subscriber, a femsle premium member is presenting s Red flag from the get-go.

However, if I were seeking a true sugar babe experience then I would seek out such members. I'd expect a seamless arrangement from a person who knows what she is doing.

Again, and possibly repititiously, if one is a skint member then Seeking.com is reslly not one's best choice.

And, yes, I get it. Many here must perforce seek out the lowest cost option in all their activities. Once opon a time that group might have included myself. However, I have never been afraid to spend money to obtain a positive outcome.

Remember, again repeating, a large number of women are NOT looking for a paid relationship. They are seeking to avoid interacting with 'greedy' men.

[andrewfi]

Good for getting out there Andrew. 

Thanks, I did not need to share my experience but I felt that it might be of use to some people given that I found a rather different setup than is generally assumed.

I have been having great fun chatting with all sorts of women with differering perspectives and goals.

The two women I have met are both good company, were not looking for the type of relationship that was a cliché of the earlier name and incarnation of the site.

I very much hope to meet up with the 3rd woman who needed to postpone our meeting.

This afternoon, I spent some time with a woman from Helsinki. Our goals are incompatible but our shared time was not wasted.

If one wants a sugarbaby/sponsorship arrangement then that's very easily available. However, for many guys, it is worthwhile to drop preconceptions and not make assumptions about the women one contacts.

Ask clear questions, make one's own goals clear and be honest with the women and have a good time.

After all, I am certain that the people on this thread who are critical are all much better looking, much younger, much better socially and more wealthy than I.

Given all the benefits they offer, they would probably do even better than I have been doing!

[andrewfi]

Just an update...

I have been having a lot of fun with Seeking.

This week I have a date with a local woman and at the weekend, a new friend arrives from the UK to spend a few days with me.

A couple of comments from one of the women about the guys who contact her.

They're all quite weird 😆
and
Most of them randomly send me dickpics 😆😆

I asked if any of the dickpics were impressive...

Not really lol
Some are probably fake
Pictures from the internet

Why do guys do this? I cannot understand it. I mean there is a time for dick pics but not as an introduction!

I cannot comment upon the experiences of other guys (thinking of Dobradavid's post above) but if the guys are busy sending out pictures of their deformed and tiny members to women then I cannot see the outcomes being positive.

I have been having a great time both in real life and online. Not every contact works out, but that's normal.

It looks as though my month in Spain is going to be fully booked.

One warning I'd give is this: don't get involved with women who want to charge you money to send you videos and pics. Unless that's what you want. That's a business for them and there will be nothing to follow. Also, watch out for women 'interested' in crypto. They seem to be more interested in persuading you to 'invest' in some form of crypto scam. To be honest, I have had a bit of fun with those conversations but cannot imagine sending them money in any form or giving out any wallet addresses. OTOH it must work with some guys or they'd not do it.

[andrewfi]

WADR, if you use Tinder I can state pretty confidently you're not going to find a stable, long-term relationship.

Does three years count?

But, yes, Tinder is in the UK primarily a hookup site. Over here I think it is less so - or at least the proportion of women wanting a longer term relationship seems greater.

[Markje]

It looks as though my month in Spain is going to be fully booked.

Since Crimea won't be an option this year , my Wife has been bugging me to go "Costa Brava" this year Looking forward to seeing the Sagrada Familia again.

[Texan77]

Most of what you get on these sites is women who want endless amounts of money and think you are really dumb if you give it to them and have no use for you if you do not.

 

Do not bother with anybody who you cannot meet soon.  99 per cent of the time it is a scam. Sometimes they spend weeks or even months becoming your friend writing you everyday. Then they will have some reason they need money and never want to meet. It will be amazing how many women whose mother has an emergency and need money to pay for an operation or medical care of some type after you start to write them. I heard of one that had a video of what looked like gold bars in a bank vault and needed someone to pay a courier service to bring it to her. Of course, she would split with the guy. I wonder how many women were using that same video. Others want you banking info because they are rich and want to send you money to help them buy something expensive like real estate. They want to clean your bank account out. Then there is the old thing they need someone to settle an estate and you can be the beneficiary to millions of dollars. You just need to send a small amount of money to cover the attorney fees. Or the other one which is the most common and that they cannot continue to write you because they cannot afford to pay for their phone bill which is something like 125 dollars. If you pay that they will have a few other bills they will need paid from you and the few hundred other guys they are writing.

[andrewfi]

Texan77, as I noted above, locally at least, many of the women are not after guys to support them. They just want a bloke who is solvent and not selfish. That's good for me as I am coming across women that I want to meet in better numbers than elsewhere.

The women who do want support tend to be pretty explicit about the fact and one can choose to ignore them. One is not forced to click on any given profile or respond to every message! Worth noting, that for some guys, that type of relationship is exactly what they want. It isn't all about commitment and marriage. So, one can choose to swap commitment for money, which is perfectly OK.

As for meeting up quickly, yes, you are right. I agree.

That's not to say it is not enjoyable chatting for a while, but when one arranges 'real' contacts, which is where I am now, one does not have the time or motivation to indulge women who just want to chat.

Mark, if you go to Barcelona can I STRONGLY suggest not going in the summer. It is just too bloody hot there. When I went with the girls several years ago we were unable to fully enjoy the sights due to the heat. better to go when temperatures are a bit lower. When were there, apart from the major tourist locations the city was something of a ghost town as the sensible folks had all decamped to the beach or other places in Spain.

[dorbradavid]

Most of what you get on these sites is women who want endless amounts of money and think you are really dumb if you give it to them and have no use for you if you do not.

I confess I tend to consider Texan77 as a troll, but in this case I tend to agree with him. 

[Gipsy]

Most of what you get on these sites is women who want endless amounts of money and think you are really dumb if you give it to them and have no use for you if you do not.

 

Do not bother with anybody who you cannot meet soon.  99 per cent of the time it is a scam. Sometimes they spend weeks or even months becoming your friend writing you everyday. Then they will have some reason they need money and never want to meet. It will be amazing how many women whose mother has an emergency and need money to pay for an operation or medical care of some type after you start to write them.

Ha ha ha This ^^^^^^^ from Mr Sugar daddy himself.....

[andrewfi]

Dobradavid, nobody is forcing anyone to pay for stuff they don't want.

The entire theme of this thread is that the cliché view is not entirely correct.

This weekend will be shared with a woman who is not wanting sponsorship. On the other hand, I made it clear that her money will not work while we are together.

Perhaps elsewhere in the world things are different. But I am getting a lot of contacts from a lot of women and my experience with women I have met and with whom I have communicated online is rather different from the opinions of those without that experience.

[Jonas!]

If I were single and in a foreign land, looking to have a little fun, I'd say why not....

At my age, (Or perhaps AndrewFi's age) women aren't going to just be jumping out of trees to meet.   Within reason, I tend to think, whatever method it takes to put a woman in front of me is what I'd want.   After that point, most astute men can determine what's what.  Meanwhile it is a little fun along the way.  At least that is the way I see it. 

Jonas!