Three Weeks with a Belarussian Princess in California

[AvHdB]

I know I won't give up on the pursuit of women any time soon. To me that's an intrinsic part of being a man. I don't know how this could come about, but I do flirt with the hope, from time to time, that I'll settle down with a girl and stop caring about how hot or young she is.

As an observation beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I suspect you enjoy the hunt more than the actual kill. In some ways you are a bit like a butterfly going from flower to flower. One thing I do respect is even after being some what savaged by the peanut gallery here, that you continue to share your expierences.

[Twinky]

I spent only 8 days with the first girl before proposing. I spent another 9 with her, but that was after I'd already told her it wouldn't work and she had been institutionalized. I guess I wouldn't agree with the cage description for girl 2, who came here. She spent a lot of time with newfound Ukrainian friends (a family with kids) driving around the coast, for example. Admittedly, though, that started after I had all but reached the conclusion that it wasn't going to work.

I think Andrew was right. Its the evil.
Just narcissic disorders what as is. The score for women as is they want to stay at line for him to be estimated by such great personality as justadude in life-shops store. If it not meet a top 10 score so its not a woman atall (or a man atall if narcissic personality- estimater is a woman). This bar is hard to reach, this can only be done by Angelina Jolie, Claudia Schiffer, well, maybe a couple more. Only such characters are worthy of entertaining our  justadude. He won't accept anything less. If it is less, our drama-man-justadude suffers with no satisfaction and come to forum for complain. This is fully narcissistic rithoric.
To catch the people by only their appearance is failure strategy for relationships. And this is mostly narcissistic strategy to serve for himself by only the best things. Even if that things would peoples. She (it) cant be the not best unless she cant serve him. If it (she) not in top so she would be throw out.

I think spend “only 8 days” is not only. It was month and month messages communication that catch all he attention on his great  personality as justadude with huge promises, hopes and expectation for new good life. And its not surprising she was had been institutionalized after all.
Its just narcissic games and not a relationships. And its far away from human relationships atall.

justadude want to see us how blissful his life and all should seems to be admire of him (its histrionic disorder). At first stage he come and have quite  piteous appearance as he cant build relationships but than he blossom with top score rating for women and his easily and blissful behavior. All others with bottom scores should see and admire!
Its looks as he drive at cabriolet on a muddy road, splashing mud on everyone else. And of course its impossible to see the face after it was mudded. And not need regret as anyway they not in top 10 from score 10 so its not important to have face not suite for rating score. So they are not a man or women. This is toxic rithoric.
Let for example (lol):
If Manny (for example) read this toxic rithoric and would not so moral stable and come to his bedroom and what he would see? His wife definitely is not top 10 from top 10 at justadude's estimating and he would angrily about that and make her claim. She reply for his claim “go nafig Manny because you violating my personal boundaries. I am not Angelina Jolie with top rating score”. So it came to conflict and than divorse. So, than, two drama men would search their unattainable ideal and complain about a lot of not proper for relationships women with boring personality and not in top rating score appearance.
But this is just the action of psychopathology and involvement in pathological dynamics.

[andrewfi]

Justadude, you have some serious issues that, in my opinion, as a man, not a therapist, should cause you to withdraw from relationships with women until you have owned your issues and done something to learn how to mitigate them and become less of a threat to the women who you find attractive.

Note, your second victim did not have any of the freedom she needed until you had already tired of her! You only let her enjoy the company of others with whom she could communicate when you, in your own mind, had ended the 'relationship'.

To continue as you are now is, in my opinion, abusive behaviour. You have told us that you understand that there are demons inside of you and yet you intend to continue without changing. That's abusive! If you had no idea, no insight, awareness, then I'd not suggest the same things - but the knowledge and choice change things.

You are showing clear signs of a pattern, but your response has been to go out and learn to better recognise the type of woman upon whom you might prey be attracted to. That's scary, but, I am absolutely certain that you don't see what you have been doing in that way and, of course, that's a part of the problem.

You've told us that you recognise you have problems but then you tell us you have no intention of stopping it.
How many more women will you seek out with issues that make them vulnerable?
How many more will you exploit and cause to have breakdowns?
How long will you continue without accepting that you are a part of the problem.
Possibly most concerning of all - how many other women are there in your past who you have damaged and broken?

The truth is that you are not looking at how young or how attractive she is. You are seeking out women who are vulnerable - that's what you find the most attractive. You are offering them a cage in which they can exist, under your control, but, of course, you don't see it that way. Finding attractive young women with issues that make them vulnerable is not hard - you've found that out and you've learned to better recognise and understand the means by which you can benefit.

I'm not in a place to put labels on you but here's a thing you might try. You've told us that you have been training as a therapist, counsellor - I don't recall the exact term you used. So, imagine that you had a client come to you, firstly a man. Imagine he told you about his recent (and probably longer term relationship history). Imagine he told you about how he'd met a woman and that after a short time with her she had a mental breakdown that led you to end the relationship.
Imagine that he then told you about another woman he brought into his home, a woman who had limited communication skills, no friends in her new environment, who had no income of her own, was entirely dependent upon your client for every aspect of her life and sustenance. Imagine that he then told you that he even restricted the food she could eat.
Imagine that he told you that he did all those things and was during that period unfaithful with her, went out looking for other women.
Imagine that he told you that eventually he tired of her, sent her away from his home.
Imagine that he told you that she needed mental care after the relationship ended.

Imagine that he then told you how he had come into a new relationship, again with a woman much younger than himself, with kids. Who was, again, in a precarious life situation, who, if she was with you would require you to support her, that she'd, again, be isolated, dependent.
Imagine that he told you that she had a history of unhealthy (to say the least) relationships.

As this man's counsellor, what would you be telling him?
Would you be saying, hey man, life's tough but your're doing everything right! Get out there, carry on doing what you're doing!
Or would you be suggesting looking at the man, how he lived, his attitudes toward himself and women?
What would your training tell you?

I am pretty damned sure that your training would tell you that this was a man who needed some intensive reprogramming! I doubt that you'd be saying that now as the best time to be looking for a life partner, or even a short term relationship!

Then imagine that this new woman came to you for counselling, telling you about her life, about her 'new man'.
What would you be exploring with her?
Would you tell her that this was the right time to be settling down with another man, while she was still in the middle of at least one and likely more relationships?
Would you tell her that her current, newest, relationship was a healthy one?

I kinda doubt that in either case you'd be telling your clients that everything was OK.

I don't know what the rules are about sharing information with social services or police about people who are either at risk, or who present a risk - but if such disclosures are a part of your role as counsellor/therapist might you not have a reportable case?

[Guile]

just let him do what he wants...his life.

[justadude]

She cancelled on two dates in the last week. Sent me a Happy Father's Day text on Sunday. I haven't seen her in 10 days. I'm trying to move on.

[Manny]

She cancelled on two dates in the last week. Sent me a Happy Father's Day text on Sunday. I haven't seen her in 10 days. I'm trying to move on.

She'll be back when she wants something.

[BillyB]

When I brought up marriage again, jokingly, she said I'm not serious about it.

If you want to see her more often, stop talking about marriage, even if you're joking. You're scaring her off.

[CaptB]

Hi all,

Andrew .........do you go back as far as the original RWG? BillyB......good to see you here. I know I was here some time ago......just for a time or two. I was only
checking out here.....because another forum was getting a bit stale. Too much bickering.....too many trolls. This place at least feels a bit fresher. I was going to chime in here with some advice......but just don't know where to start ..........with this thread.

I have been married almost 17 years to an RW. I started this journey back in 1998 with the RWG. The RWG only had about 400 members when I joined. Exciting and a lot of fun. A large majority of members were actually going to Russia and meeting women. Doers.......with less talk. Guys were actually pulling for each other.
A great time.

As for the OP.......I don't know where to begin. I just read this thread to-night. My initial thought is........."Run Forest......Run........  I believe I was the first to coin that phrase (from the movie....of course) back in 1998. The phrase was followed by about  50 or so knocking heads. I could tell some of my own stories.........but my "gutt" says he will continue with this train wreck.

My brother was married 5 times. He has been going with a woman for 10 plus years.....but concluded........I should not get married. "Buying a house.....ex husband
is in the picture !!!!!!!!!!! I am not Jewish....but.........OY VEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is obvious from your post that "how she looks to others"......is a major factor in what you want in a relationship. But for real happiness.......let me offer this: Don't rate women on a scale of 1 - 10.........it only pisses women off......and I no longer care fore it muck....anymore. Instead of 1 - 10........how about "Yes or No"
? Attraction accounts for something......"I"......and most guys want to be attracted to their partner. But bottomline......you are either attracted.....or not attracted..........to someone..........hense "Yes or No". It does not need to be "quantified". After "Yes or No"........move on to more important things.

Some younger guys here seem to be experts on "older guys". But the truth is......you haven't been her yet (I'm 67). You will only "really know"........when you get here. When I started this endeavor I was 47 years young. My first trip I was 49......the best trip of my life. BUT......by 49 I had learned that beauty is a relative thing. I have always dated beautiful women.......in anybody's book. But what is inside.......that is the difficult thing to find. How they feel about "you". I always remembered the line from the Wizzard of OZ.....when Oz said to Dorothy....."It is not how you regard someone......but how.."THEY"...regard you....that matters.
i did not learn that lesson when I was young.....but after divorce I did...eventually....learn this lesson.

My wife is 14 years younger than I am. I was never comfortable with an age difference of more than 10 years. But too many folks over the years have said we look good as a couple. I am not going to say that I look way younger than my years (but I do ......or that I am a great Lay. The real secret is......my wife and I really like each other. We share common interest....swimming, travel, art, sports, restaurants, fossil hunting.....and much more. If something were ever to happen to her
I would not be looking for just a pretty woman.....I can get those easy.......but finding what is inside.....would be tough to match.

CaptB

[Manny]

Wow, CaptB, welcome back after six years. 

[BillyB]

Hi all,

Andrew .........do you go back as far as the original RWG? BillyB......good to see you here.

Good to see you CaptB. That is THE Andrew from the original RWG. I've known him since 2006. He still loves me although we constantly bicker like lovers do. There's just not enough newbies in the game these days to help so many of us resorted to fighting.

[CaptB]

You are right BillyB. Lots of bored...longtime members....and relatively few newbies. When I joined the RWG....there were only about 350 - 400 members. We were all newbies. It felt as though about a fourth of the members had been to Russia.....had planed a trip.....or were seriously researching for a future trip. There was a lot of support amongst members. "Trolls" were booted out.......monitors actually "monitored" the board.....and friendships made. You may remember JB......I.....along with his future step-son were co-best men at his wedding in Moscow. The reception was small and intimate....about 15 people. Nice cognac....with a Cuban cigar or two. A great time.

Capt B

[CaptB]

I don't mean to get off-topic. AGE...................................its funny how when you were "20"........."30"..........was ancient. At "30"............."40".........the same.
I was divorced just before my 40th birthday. Six months after divorce I started dating again. I had three kids to worry about......but dating was now effortless. I didn't try so hard.......or at all...really. I would talk.....chat......then leave......only to have women pull me back and stay awhile. (i.e......a bar, party....etc.) 22 year olds were asking me out (fun but I knew nothing serious was going to happen from my end). College, the service, after my divorce......all offered a lot of fun. BUT.....................the best time of my life dating......hands down.......when I was 49 - 53.......and doing in Russia. The agony....the extacy (not the drug you moron) ........the mistakes.......and finally doing it right......my lovely wife "V".

I saw a couple in our neighborhood back in Michigan. They were 92 & 89......and just got married. They acted like two high school kids. You could tell they really liked each other. If someone tells you you are too old for this endeavor......just tell them to piss-off. When a young dude tells me I am too old to "know" anything about women........I just smile. I know I have mine..........he just hasn't been so fortunate. Hopefully he will (eventually) learn that it is not about your age......but about what you have learned. Some (very fortunate) people learn early. Some people learn latter......and some never learn at all.

Capt B