Do you really know about your wife's past?

[Steveboy]

You always see these movies or hear about the married couple who know nothing about each other or each others past..

You know the women marries the guy and a few years later she finds out he was in prison 15 years ago for rape or robbery! Or you see the happy couple married and a few years later the husband decides to torture the wife in the cellar  She is crying her eyes out during the torture and wondering how the hell all this happened!

It is kind of the same when you marry a women from another country , someone you may not know as well as you thought..

[andrewfi]

That's pretty much always the case isn't it?
We know what we are told by our partner.
We might know stuff that we are told about our partner.
But in both cases that's only what those people want us to know.

Then there's how they treat other people and how they treat us.
That's what tells us the most useful stuff about our partner.

I take the view that we have to have been where we went in order to be where we are.

So, I tend to work from the present into the future rather than from the past to the present.

[Steveboy]

That's pretty much always the case isn't it?
We know what we are told by our partner.
We might know stuff that we are told about our partner.
But in both cases that's only what those people want us to know.

Then there's how they treat other people and how they treat us.
That's what tells us the most useful stuff about our partner.

I take the view that we have to have been where we went in order to be where we are.

So, I tend to work from the present into the future rather than from the past to the present.

Well I think in a good relationship there is nothing to hide... yes think of the future but there are many people who have no idea about the women they married or man.. even if he was married before has kids and all sorts of stuff but is keeping that quiet .. probably even more so for men there are so many nutters out there 

[NS1]

Unless you grew up in same area and knew the person you married, odds
are that is true to varying degree's. Short of doing a complete background search
you will know what you have been told and the same for your spouse, they know what you told them.
Odds are both sides don't tell all, no one is going to tell things they were not proud of.

If your life was relatively boring then maybe you told all, odds are they didn't want to hear it LOL.

Reality is, ask the key questions and pay attention, you get what you need to move forward.
I don't need to know everything in the past, as I am not living in the past. More interested
in how they act, work and relate to people when I am dating to decide on my future.

Based on divorce rates around the world 50% or more, its a crap shoot for most anyway.
Given that people change during their whole life means no guarantee for a future anyway.
enjoy the moments and life you live, deal with it as it comes.

Last big point, in your life you only ever control you and what you do.

[Lord of the Dance]

Then there's how they treat other people and how they treat us.
That's what tells us the most useful stuff about our partner.

I take the view that we have to have been where we went in order to be where we are.

So, I tend to work from the present into the future rather than from the past to the present.

 

[Steamer]

Then there's how they treat other people and how they treat us.
That's what tells us the most useful stuff about our partner.

People can only hide their true nature for so long. It always shows itself.

This is why Time can be your biggest ally. Don't be in such a rush that you don't let them show their crazy.
Then you can decide if it's compatible with your crazy.

[sparky114]

After 13 years and multiple situations within families there would be very little either of us could hide
But still the odd non sequential item appears from time to time, but it is way down the line of deal breakers  and is only a minor fact or detail on life before

[BillyB]

If anybody has a past, it's best to be open about it and find a partner with the same past. For example, if you're into swinging and swapping partners during your last marriage/relationship, find a woman that engages in that activity too instead of hiding it and marrying a one man kind of woman.

If one has a criminal past, there's accepting woman in dating sites like the one below.

https://meet-an-inmate.com/

[Contrarian]

If anybody has a past, it's best to be open about it and find a partner with the same past. For example, if you're into swinging and swapping partners during your last marriage/relationship, find a woman that engages in that activity too instead of hiding it and marrying a one man kind of woman.

If one has a criminal past, there's accepting woman in dating sites like the one below.

https://meet-an-inmate.com/

You met your first wife there but when she found out and divorced you that’s when you started looking overseas? 

[msmoby]

Two observations...BillyB knows more about dating sites than a married man should and

Cornfed's sense of humour isn't improving.

[Contrarian]

Two observations...BillyB knows more about dating sites than a married man should and

Cornfed's sense of humour isn't improving.

Coming from the man who thought it funny his new wife spent New Years Eve in a cage I’ll take that as a compliment.

[2tallbill]

So, I tend to work from the present into the future rather than from the past to the present.

I tend to do the same.

[Manny]

Mod note: Moby tried to make this topic about him, so all that is now here with the rest of it.

Then there's how they treat other people and how they treat us.
That's what tells us the most useful stuff about our partner.

I take the view that we have to have been where we went in order to be where we are.

So, I tend to work from the present into the future rather than from the past to the present.

I agree with this from Andrew.

[andrewfi]

I agree with this from Andrew.

That's usually a wise choice!  

[msmoby]

I agree with this from Andrew.

That's usually a wise choice!  

You might very well think so, but I couldn't POSSIBLY comment

[cufflinks]

I tell new ladies my military great grandfather taught me five tests for women that are building blocks that build upon each in succession:

Love, Honor, Respect, Loyalty, and Fidelity...  but you can never tell the woman being tested - she has to pass them naturally as part of her core nature - if she passes you can tell her so only then...  She fails any test she is not relationship material and especially not marriage material.

Being somewhat impatient to accelerate the process I like to see if her parents are still married and if so does she take the lead helper role in the kitchen when she is at her parents to help relieve the burden on her Mother and does she show care for her father or does she sit around like a princess to be waited upon.

If she has an auto or Apartment is it clean and tidy or is trash piled up in the back seats etc.

Does she have a dog and has she had it for a few years - I find the care a woman gives her dog will be similar to the care she shows her man.

Cat Ladies however I avoid like I am allergic to the cats and the woman who keeps them.

Then lastly if you give her a sum of cash for expenses does she go out and blow it on material goods or is she frugal and hold on to it for her rainy day fund.

Of course, an HIV and STDs test is mandatory these days now that bloody "PreP" HIV ads all over broadcast and cable TV - pre-sexual (HIV) prophylaxis and then all sorts of new HIV meds ads for when those with high-risk behaviors do pay the price for their bad decisions...

And the type of education she has and the work she does tells you just about all you need to know about her past.

[andrewfi]

I agree with this from Andrew.

That's usually a wise choice!  

You might very well think so, but I couldn't POSSIBLY comment

And yet you did!

Always honest, always truthful. 

[Steveboy]

I tell new ladies my military great grandfather taught me five tests for women that are building blocks that build upon each in succession:

Love, Honor, Respect, Loyalty, and Fidelity...  but you can never tell the woman being tested - she has to pass them naturally as part of her core nature - if she passes you can tell her so only then...  She fails any test she is not relationship material and especially not marriage material.

Being somewhat impatient to accelerate the process I like to see if her parents are still married and if so does she take the lead helper role in the kitchen when she is at her parents to help relieve the burden on her Mother and does she show care for her father or does she sit around like a princess to be waited upon.

If she has an auto or Apartment is it clean and tidy or is trash piled up in the back seats etc.

Does she have a dog and has she had it for a few years - I find the care a woman gives her dog will be similar to the care she shows her man.

Cat Ladies however I avoid like I am allergic to the cats and the woman who keeps them.

Then lastly if you give her a sum of cash for expenses does she go out and blow it on material goods or is she frugal and hold on to it for her rainy day fund.

Of course, an HIV and STDs test is mandatory these days now that bloody "PreP" HIV ads all over broadcast and cable TV - pre-sexual (HIV) prophylaxis and then all sorts of new HIV meds ads for when those with high-risk behaviors do pay the price for their bad decisions...

And the type of education she has and the work she does tells you just about all you need to know about her past.

And the type of education she has and the work she does tells you just about all you need to know about her past.. Plenty of educated girls do stripping for some extra cash .. would that bother you?

I don't see why it should.. just put a pole in the bedroom for some fun..

[Manny]

Another question might be: Does she really know about YOUR past?

[andrewfi]

Another question might be: Does she really know about YOUR past?

One more very good reason to work from present to future!

I am pretty open with partners/girlfriends/lovers but there are things that will never be discussed or mentioned. And, of course, everything I say is always from my perspective and so is biased. I expect no more from anyone else.

[msmoby]

This is so typically andrewfi. 

What you do not mention demonstrates your inate honesty.

I like to ensure someone I want to share my life with even meets a previous partner...

Saves a lot of questions..

[Steveboy]

Another question might be: Does she really know about YOUR past?

My wife knows every thing about me.. I have nothing to hide.. take me as I am or clear off is my motto to anyone..

My past is not so bad in any case I never robbed anyone stole any thing or conned anyone .. ok a few months in a mental institution .. other than that I'm clean

[NS1]

I told my  wife 95 % of my distant past and all of my recent past when we met.
Once serious I disclosed all Financial info. As transparent as I could be.
Wanted her to come to my country knowing everything.

[Steveboy]

I told my  wife 95 % of my distant past and all of my recent past when we met.
Once serious I disclosed all Financial info. As transparent as I could be.
Wanted her to come to my country knowing everything.

Yeah I told my wife about my financial position and suggested it would be probably better if I moved to Moldova..

[AvHdB]

.. ok a few months in a mental institution .. other than that I'm clean

Was ms(moby) your bunkie?

Pity the lessons that we have learned in life he never absorbed.