The World's #1 Russian, Ukrainian & Eastern European Discussion & Information Forum - RUA!

This Is the Premier Discussion Forum on the Net for Information and Discussion about Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe and the Former Soviet Union. Discuss Culture, Politics, Travelling, Language, International Relationships and More. Chat with Travellers, Locals, Residents and Expats. Ask and Answer Questions about Travel, Culture, Relationships, Applying for Visas, Translators, Interpreters, and More. Give Advice, Read Trip Reports, Share Experiences and Make Friends.

Author Topic: Doubts about my relationship  (Read 2351 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Online Steveboy

  • Commercial Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4775
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: In The Business
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2019, 10:13:36 AM »
First of all to the trolls calling me Mohammed, im spanish 100%

The baby came by accident, and again for the trolls, im sure without a doubt that its mine because we spend 24hours together.

Before i met her and then a few times on the first few months, i tried to know if she expected to stay at home all day or if she understood that in Europe both men and women work. I doubt my income is enough to keep two people, so even less three. Im sorry for not being a petrol billionare like all of you. And even if my income was just enough, i wouldnt feel comfortable having a lazy wife at home all day. By the way we share house chores. I believe that a couple should be 50%-50%, not one living off another.

I live in an area with A LOT of english speaking people, spanish language isnt really a must, she could easily babysit, for example. You know the saying "when theres a will, theres a way" ? Adult people normally feel bad if they dont have a job, ever felt this or some of you are still 17 years old living in your parents house?

And yes, i have many houses but believe it or not, the more you have the more you pay (taxes, insurance, things breaking, people not paying...) Im sorry for not being a petrol billionare like all of you.

Why not just marry a local women then? Would save lots of problems and the locals already know they need to work as you say..why go to all the problems of finding a women from Ukraine?
I support no government anywhere, ever, never. No institution, No religion!!

Online andrewfi

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 18895
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Articles About Almost Anything!
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #26 on: November 03, 2019, 10:23:36 AM »
Hang on a moment there before you start getting mardy!

You told us you have money - now you say you don't.
You did not tell us in the post where you asked for advice and support that you got your woman pregnant.
You told us you were thinking of calling off the wedding BEFORE you told us of your inability to use contraception.

And you have the temerity to be upset with us?

Look buster, you were misleading to the point of dishonesty with us. You were suggesting, and wanting support for, a shameful act.

Before you get angry with people who have tried to offer relevant and helpful input, try taking a look in the mirror!

When you understand what you have done, have a long hard think about your responsibilities and how to best meet them. Stop being a little boy and start to be a man.
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Online Guile

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1647
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #27 on: November 03, 2019, 12:27:06 PM »
I had a few Russian friends date Spanish and Italian guys...they said they were the most immature, mammas boys around.  Just wannabe playboys and then would end things at the slightest problem and not try to solve it.

2 eventually married German men and one started to date Brits lol.

wake up spaukr. go sell one of your houses and get some cash.

Perhaps the pregnancy was an accident but did you use condoms?  If not then you really can't blame anyone but yourself.


Offline 2tallbill

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14758
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 10-20
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #28 on: November 03, 2019, 12:36:07 PM »
Cannot edit previous message.

You became engaged to a woman without defining mutual goals and made her
preggers. Now you are threatening to throw her out, unless she miraculously
learns your language and begins a life of crime by working illegally.

She feels pressured, pregnant, illegal and fears of becoming homeless. You are
such a peach! Can you put yourself in her shoes for just a moment?

You are being unreasonable and you've should have had conversations about
mutual goals before she had your baby growing inside her. You both made
assumptions about the other and that was a mistake. Never assume that a
woman has the exact same thoughts and goals as you do. Ask questions
most FSUW will answer them. 

Stop insisting that she do something illegal.

Hopefully feel something for this woman that you've asked to marry and is
bearing your child. If so, you need to go back and address the steps that
you've skipped.

You skipped the part of getting to know your future mate. Get to know her
all over again. Come up with a list of individual goals (for each of you) and
mutual goals. Don't forget goals on improving yourself. Once you've done
that, come up with a plan.

If you don't know where you are going then any road can get you there.
Lewis Carroll

Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Benjamin Franklin

FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Online Guile

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1647
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #29 on: November 03, 2019, 12:41:37 PM »
Unfortunately some guys think with the little head rather than big head first. Maybe she is a stunner.  who was "sheltered and overprotected" in his words. How he expects her to work right away in some foreign country is beyond me. She has good English from what you say.  Forget the Spanish for now.

One option is for her to just leave.  The OP doesn't seem to want to put any effort into solving this.  Just break up if you can't deal with it.

How long did you know her before asking her to get married and to come to your country?

Online AvHdB

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 12391
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Ukraine, Kiev
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 20+
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #30 on: November 03, 2019, 02:01:58 PM »
Cannot edit previous message.

You became engaged to a woman without defining mutual goals and made her
preggers. Now you are threatening to throw her out, unless she miraculously
learns your language and begins a life of crime by working illegally.

She feels pressured, pregnant, illegal and fears of becoming homeless. You are
such a peach! Can you put yourself in her shoes for just a moment?

You are being unreasonable and you've should have had conversations about
mutual goals before she had your baby growing inside her. You both made
assumptions about the other and that was a mistake. Never assume that a
woman has the exact same thoughts and goals as you do. Ask questions
most FSUW will answer them. 

Stop insisting that she do something illegal.

Hopefully feel something for this woman that you've asked to marry and is
bearing your child. If so, you need to go back and address the steps that
you've skipped.

You skipped the part of getting to know your future mate. Get to know her
all over again. Come up with a list of individual goals (for each of you) and
mutual goals. Don't forget goals on improving yourself. Once you've done
that, come up with a plan.

If you don't know where you are going then any road can get you there.
Lewis Carroll

Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Benjamin Franklin

Please print this quote and tape it to your bathroom mirror as well as the kitchen door, and carry a copy with you when you are travelling.

I suspect today and tomorrow would be a really good time to have discussions with the pregnant bride. Your situation is not hopeless but it needs some serious effort involving you manning up.

Along the lines of what Bill quotes is the expression my father taught me; "Plan your work, Work your plan."
“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Online NS1

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 6417
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #31 on: November 03, 2019, 02:57:26 PM »
You really are a piece of work.
You coming looking for support and
sympathy, by lying and spinning a tale of half truths.

Get real, grow up and be a man.
All the things you wished to know, should have been asked
before asking her to marry you.
Before bringing her to your country.
and most certainly before getting her pregnant.

You talk about having money in the beginning and
now you're crying poor, more like you are cheap.
Take care of your to be wife, make sure you, take car of her and the baby, your child.
This should be first and foremost of all your plans.

In the meantime, you can discuss your future and her goals.
Really all that needs to be said is grow up and be a
ream MAN>
There is nothing permanent except change.

Offline Texan77

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1789
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: Committed
  • Trips: 5-10
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #32 on: November 03, 2019, 05:19:14 PM »

I know at first my girl was resistant to learning English. I did not understand why. I physically took her to the English language school and signed her up. I was not dragging her there but she was not excited about it. It was a condition that she needed to make an effort as part of our relationship. But I was also asking her to not get job because she would not earn any money and she would not be available for anything I wanted her to do like take English classes. When she show up and started talking to the girls who were running the school her whole attitude changed. She got excited about the classes. She was in a strange city and did not know any body because her home in Lugansk has been shelled. When she started school she got even more excited because now she had friends. It turned out she is naturally completive and wanted to be the best student in the whole school. She studied very hard and learn  lot of English in 12 weeks. Maybe under the right conditions this girl would do the same thing. A little encouragement together with a feeling of being safe and a few new friends who were also interested in the language might change everything.

I guess what he is saying here is that he wants to manage this income property which does not make much money while she gets a job. Maybe he needs to get the job. I earn my living managing rental property and had a job too when I was 36. I did most of the repairs myself on week ends and nights. I had a foreign wife who did not work. This is not impossible for a person with a young body. Actually it felt good. I am 70 now and in good health. So it did not seem to hurt me.

Offline justadude

  • Member
  • Posts: 387
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Trips: 1-5
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #33 on: November 04, 2019, 08:29:52 PM »
First of all to the trolls calling me Mohammed, im spanish 100%

The baby came by accident, and again for the trolls, im sure without a doubt that its mine because we spend 24hours together.

Before i met her and then a few times on the first few months, i tried to know if she expected to stay at home all day or if she understood that in Europe both men and women work. I doubt my income is enough to keep two people, so even less three. Im sorry for not being a petrol billionare like all of you. And even if my income was just enough, i wouldnt feel comfortable having a lazy wife at home all day. By the way we share house chores. I believe that a couple should be 50%-50%, not one living off another.

I live in an area with A LOT of english speaking people, spanish language isnt really a must, she could easily babysit, for example. You know the saying "when theres a will, theres a way" ? Adult people normally feel bad if they dont have a job, ever felt this or some of you are still 17 years old living in your parents house?

And yes, i have many houses but believe it or not, the more you have the more you pay (taxes, insurance, things breaking, people not paying...) Im sorry for not being a petrol billionare like all of you.

I think I can identify with some of your concerns. I was engaged to two different Ukrainian girls, one of whom came to the US on a fiance visa. Although both had had good jobs in Ukraine at different points, I got the impression that both wanted to relax their efforts significantly after marriage.

One had been an accountant for 7 years but wanted to work in retail in the US. I chose not to marry the second one mostly because of the financial commitment.

In the US one must sign an affidavit of support that is open ended in terms of time or in regard to whether the marriage lasts. The purpose is to protect the US taxpayer from taking on someone else's burden.

I am not proud of what I did, but neither of these women got pregnant during the process either. You're in a tough spot. There are no easy answers and I don't claim to have any answer at all for you. Hang in there man.

Online andrewfi

  • Supporting Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 18895
  • Country: gb
  • Gender: Male
    • Articles About Almost Anything!
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #34 on: November 05, 2019, 05:40:07 AM »
Justadude, the guy is not in a 'tough spot'. All he needs to do is follow through on his commitments and responsibilities. That's stuff that most of us, but not you and the OP, do all the time.

...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Offline dcguyusa

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1555
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: North America, South America, Europe, Asia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: None Yet
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #35 on: November 06, 2019, 06:37:22 PM »
This is a typical case of how I have been describing Eastern European dating has changed over the last few years and what guys expect.

I have said many many times in this forum there are more and more guys looking for women to arrive with 20 pairs of spare socks , two coats , several pairs of underwear and 20 kilos of potatoes and ready to start work the minute she steps off the plane .. or in this case to save costs it may be a bus.. :laugh:

Not so for my case.  My new wife can wear as little as she wants when she arrives.  She can have a very long honeymoon before she considers her future occupation.  She will need only stuff from Victoria's Secret.   :evilgrin0002: :chuckle:
An uninformed opponent is a dangerous opponent.

"Y'all be makin shit up" ~ Markeith Loyd

Online Steveboy

  • Commercial Member
  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4775
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Male
  • Status: In The Business
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #36 on: November 07, 2019, 02:45:09 AM »
This is a typical case of how I have been describing Eastern European dating has changed over the last few years and what guys expect.

I have said many many times in this forum there are more and more guys looking for women to arrive with 20 pairs of spare socks , two coats , several pairs of underwear and 20 kilos of potatoes and ready to start work the minute she steps off the plane .. or in this case to save costs it may be a bus.. :laugh:

Not so for my case.  My new wife can wear as little as she wants when she arrives.  She can have a very long honeymoon before she considers her future occupation.  She will need only stuff from Victoria's Secret.   :evilgrin0002: :chuckle:

Victoria's Secret  They aint going to be around for much longer.. liberalism has also taken over in there.. the latest range includes sexy outfits for transgenders... look at their shares:) They will be finished soon.. remember it is racist just selling sexy stuff for sexy women now!! What about women who have beards? How do you think they feel about going into such a shop and not seeing some outfit for themselves..

I support no government anywhere, ever, never. No institution, No religion!!

Offline 2tallbill

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14758
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: Russia
  • Status: Married
  • Trips: 10-20
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #37 on: November 07, 2019, 12:35:42 PM »
Along the lines of what Bill quotes is the expression my father taught me; "Plan your work, Work your plan." [/size][/font]

Your father made it more concise.

"Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan."
Margaret Thatcher.
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline dcguyusa

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1555
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouses Country: North America, South America, Europe, Asia
  • Status: Just Looking
  • Trips: None Yet
Re: Doubts about my relationship
« Reply #38 on: November 07, 2019, 03:16:15 PM »
This is a typical case of how I have been describing Eastern European dating has changed over the last few years and what guys expect.

I have said many many times in this forum there are more and more guys looking for women to arrive with 20 pairs of spare socks , two coats , several pairs of underwear and 20 kilos of potatoes and ready to start work the minute she steps off the plane .. or in this case to save costs it may be a bus.. :laugh:

Not so for my case.  My new wife can wear as little as she wants when she arrives.  She can have a very long honeymoon before she considers her future occupation.  She will need only stuff from Victoria's Secret.   :evilgrin0002: :chuckle:

Victoria's Secret  They aint going to be around for much longer.. liberalism has also taken over in there.. the latest range includes sexy outfits for transgenders... look at their shares:) They will be finished soon.. remember it is racist just selling sexy stuff for sexy women now!! What about women who have beards? How do you think they feel about going into such a shop and not seeing some outfit for themselves..

For ladies with beards, they need to go to Victor/Victoria's secret.   :chuckle: (:)
An uninformed opponent is a dangerous opponent.

"Y'all be makin shit up" ~ Markeith Loyd


 

 

Registration