Helping a Ukrainian Friend?

[NS1]

My wife on several occasions has asked me to help her.
One of her best friends who is divorced wants to come here.
I for the most part avoid this for all the obvious reasons.

That said, the girl is nice looking but not a WOW girl.
She has a good job, and I suspect very bright.
has 11 year old son who does exceptionally well in school.

I do not know anyone who is single that is up for this type of
adventure or qualifies for this type of thing.

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?
With what i said above is it even possible?
not sure if she is signed up to international dating site or not.
If she were, what are the better ones for her to avoid the idiots?

any positive input welcome.

[Manny]

This one still crops up occasionally through the friend network. 

My first question to this one is always, "Does she have fluent English?"

The answer is usually negative. In which case, we dont need her as an immigrant.

That being the case, I suggest the question is asked again when she is fluent. None have yet come back having learned English.

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?

I did before. I wouldn't now.

not sure if she is signed up to international dating site or not.
If she were, what are the better ones for her to avoid the idiots?

That's the thing. Nutters, users, miscreants, social misfits, those eschewed by their local women and people you generally wouldn't invite round for dinner abound in this endeavour. They probably number 85%+. The normal folk who participate here are mostly among the remaining 15% and are the exception rather than the rule.

If I had to choose a site for her, I'd choose one that has the most expensive access for men if one still exists. That wipes out all the greedy/free/cheap brigade in one sweep.

Imagine you make a few recommendations and she ends up hooked up with some ostensibly normal [and in this example, utterly fictional] middle class guy, but one with with constant 'temporary' cash flow problems, who wants her to sell stuff on the beach to make ends meet and spends his days arguing with all and sundry about anything and everything and falls out with his pals over $7 of petrol?

What if you later find out that the [utterly fictional] guy plastered his ex woman across the internet in a negative way?

I wouldn't want to be the bloke who enabled that introduction. I doubt you would either. That is the risk.

[yankee]

This one still crops up occasionally through the friend network. 

My first question to this one is always, "Does she have fluent English?"

The answer is usually negative. In which case, we dont need her as an immigrant.

That being the case, I suggest the question is asked again when she is fluent. None have yet come back having learned English.

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?

I wouldn't now.

not sure if she is signed up to international dating site or not.
If she were, what are the better ones for her to avoid the idiots?

That's the thing. Nutters, users, miscreants, social misfits, those eschewed by their local women and people you generally wouldn't invite round for dinner abound in this endeavour. They probably number 85%+. The normal folk who participate here are mostly among the remaining 15% and are the exception rather than the rule.

If I had to choose a site for her, I'd choose one that has the most expensive access for men if one still exists. That wipes out all the greedy/free/cheap brigade in one sweep.

I agree, and are her work skills transferable?  Finding a good job for a 1st generation immigrant  are difficult.

[msmoby]

Do not get involved beyond suggesting sites to place a profile.

The purely fictional guy reads like an andrewfi / Manny smear of a real person...

The post count obviously fell too low.

[Chris]

My wife on several occasions has asked me to help her.
One of her best friends who is divorced wants to come here.
I for the most part avoid this for all the obvious reasons.

That said, the girl is nice looking but not a WOW girl.
She has a good job, and I suspect very bright.
has 11 year old son who does exceptionally well in school.

I do not know anyone who is single that is up for this type of
adventure or qualifies for this type of thing.

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?
With what i said above is it even possible?
not sure if she is signed up to international dating site or not.
If she were, what are the better ones for her to avoid the idiots?

any positive input welcome.

Trev, this is a potential lose / lose situation for you, why get involved in introducing two people you hardly know (even if you think you know them) just to potentially cause future conflict in your marriage.  Don't even consider it! Run forrest run! 

[NS1]

As a few can Imagine, it's my wife asking not her.
Its my wife's friend
This is not the first time she has asked and I keep  avoiding it.
Mostly for many of the reasons above. Besides if she ends up
in any part of Canada, near here and it goes sideways, I will have a new house guest
That I don't want LOL.

I get the reasons, I told my wife I would look into options, if any.
I am doing that.

[AvHdB]

There is a flip side a friend badly wants to meet a Slavic women and has spent some change 'speaking' with them. While it is not as cringe worthy as the tale that Shakes is recounting this is some one who would be better off trying to keep goldfish alive than beginning a relationship with a woman from another culture.

So far I have ducked with one excuse or the other introductions. He is certainly in the 85% that Manny describes. Though for the first time he traveled to UK. His comments were telling, the roads are confusing (I never know which way to look)* and I can hardly understand what they are saying.

* He would not see it coming from a Slavic woman even if was an aircraft carrier.

[NS1]

There is a flip side a friend badly wants to meet a Slavic women and has spent some change 'speaking' with them. While it is not as cringe worthy as the tale that Shakes is recounting this is some one who would be better off trying to keep goldfish alive than beginning a relationship with a woman from another culture.

So far I have ducked with one excuse or the other introductions. He is certainly in the 85% that Manny describes. Though for the first time he traveled to UK. His comments were telling, the roads are confusing (I never know which way to look)* and I can hardly understand what they are saying.

* He would not see it coming from a Slavic woman even if was an aircraft carrier.

Yes you are correct, sitting down with the right type of guy and explaining it all is one thing.
buts its difficult, time consuming and not cheap. Not the short game type of adventure.
It can be reasonable if you are lucky and meet right person and everything goes well.

[andrewfi]

Point her at Steveboy's site. Tell her that she deserves to have a reasonable choice of guys and let her get on with it. You are not a matchmaker and I really doubt that you have the skills to even pretend to be one.

Be straight with your wife as you tell us you always are and things will be as fine in your household as they usually are.

[Guile]

Ask for a retainer fee and see how willing your wife's friend is. 

[2tallbill]

Trev, this is a potential lose / lose situation for you, why get involved in introducing two people you hardly know (even if you think you know them) just to potentially cause future conflict in your marriage.  Don't even consider it! Run forrest run! 

+1

[2tallbill]

He is certainly in the 85% that Manny describes.

That's the crux of the problem. Most men aren't cut out
for this. Those who are will go out and do it on their own.
It's impossible to find a guy who is a 15% guy and then
set them up.

I tried to set up two different members from this forum.
Both are married to FSUW now, but I was embarrassed
both times by their behavior and have sworn off it.

Angel Eyes has asked me to help one of her friends. I
explained how difficult it is and how most men won't
actually put out huge the effort required.

[BillyB]

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?

If I have single friends in the hunt for a woman, I may bring it up to them wife's friend is available. Most aren't looking for an overseas relationship so chances are they aren't interested.

My single friends who aren't in the hunt aren't going to be interested in a woman just because I tell them one is available.

not sure if she is signed up to international dating site or not.

Tell her to sign up at as many sites as possible. The more exposure she has, the better her chances of being found by prince charming.

If she were, what are the better ones for her to avoid the idiots?

Idiots visit every site. With experience, she will know which sites she gets the most idiots. She may get discouraged there are so many losers but she has to have patience and deal with losers before finding a winner.

[martincop]

a personal referral from here does eliminate the possibility of scammer a bit so that's a leg up...though you can't ever really vouch for what people will do or say.

[Guile]

I have Russian friends asking me to find them a local guy lol.  I tell them the only way is to come here and meet them in person.  Online dating is just to connect.  But of course getting a visa is quite hard.  So the quest dies. 

If your wife's friend can't even go to your country then what's the point of setting her up?

[2tallbill]

So the question is, if your we're going to help, how would you do it?

NOTE: My knowledge about websites is stale for sure.
I would tell her to sign up at Elena's models. They have
over two men signed up at that site for every one girl.
Then I would let her do the rest on her own.

Elena's has a large section of advice for a woman looking
for a Western man. I translated some of it here, at one time
it was a sticky.

Did you ever wonder what the agencies tell the girls?
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php/topic,13601.0.html

[2tallbill]

a personal referral from here does eliminate the possibility of scammer a bit so that's a leg up...though you can't ever really vouch for what people will do or say.

Fixing people up, never works for people over the age of 30.

If you know a guy who has never been laid and you know a
mediocre looking woman who never dates, then that's your
best chance of throwing two people together who lack the
social skills to get together themselves.

[NS1]

At the moment the topic is quiet and I have learned enough to leave it alone.
If and when it comes up again and it will, I will once again give my 2 cents.
which is, I really don't want to set her up, even if I knew a guy, because.

when it comes to the world of men and women, no one really knows what their friend is like.
in either direction. at the same time the odds of coming out fo this looking good are low.
It will be our fault if it goes bad, especially if it goes bad fast.