10 days in Lvov with an angel

[AvHdB]

Brian,

The question you need to answer is how much you are willing to accommodate and be flexible with your bride.

If you feel you only can get a tractor and build a closet for her it is time to push the eject button. She will dump you fairly quickly after she arrives. Not because you can not provide for her, but because you see her as object and not a partner.

Women and it does not matter where they come from want both nurturing and guidance. If you intend to be an amused bystander, there will be problems in the future that you have fostered.

Av

[Contrarian]

Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I  am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.

With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.

Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.

I suggest you ignore any negative comments here and focus on the time you spent together with your fiancé and why you fell in love with her.

I suspect some of your comments here were deliberate trolling comments against your detractors.

Your goal was to have her with you so you guys could build a life together. You’re close to achieving that goal. Take an optimistic attitude, tell her you love her and cannot wait for her to arrive.

That’s a choice only you can make: to be 100% positive and all in; or...

[Wiz]

About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it.  You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common.  Especially if they are active or play sports.

That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.

....  only when it is hard and throbbing?

 

[AvHdB]

About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it.  You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common.  Especially if they are active or play sports.

That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.

....  only when it is hard and throbbing?

 

     

Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.

[Wiz]

About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it.  You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common.  Especially if they are active or play sports.

That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.

....  only when it is hard and throbbing?

 

     

Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.

It was a very young woman who teach me this expression........when she made the statement that she has become Vigan......... and I asked the question.... you don't eat meat any more......?

BTW I was her boss! ....  First time I was left with my mouth open and no sound coming out!

 

[Dogsoldier]

About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it.  You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common.  Especially if they are active or play sports.

That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.

....  only when it is hard and throbbing?

 

     

Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.

It was a very young woman who teach me this expression........when she made the statement that she has become Vigan......... and I asked the question.... you don't eat meat any more......?

BTW I was her boss! ....  First time I was left with my mouth open and no sound coming out!

 

Why? Did you have a mouthful of meat?

[AvHdB]

About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it.  You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common.  Especially if they are active or play sports.

That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.

....  only when it is hard and throbbing?

 

     

Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.

It was a very young woman who teach me this expression........when she made the statement that she has become Vigan......... and I asked the question.... you don't eat meat any more......?

BTW I was her boss! ....  First time I was left with my mouth open and no sound coming out!

 

Why? Did you have a mouthful of meat?

    

[Guile]

well this thread sure got derailed lol...back to the OP if he's not willing to be flexible with the vegetarian thing I don't see a happy ending. 

The other thing he doesn't mention is what is the girl's English abilities?  She'll be moving to the States and will need to make friends and be part of a community.  He hasn't made an effort to learn Russian so I don't know how well they communicate, if there's alot of misunderstandings due to language.

[AvHdB]

well this thread sure got derailed lol...back to the OP if he's not willing to be flexible with the vegetarian thing I don't see a happy ending. 

The other thing he doesn't mention is what is the girl's English abilities?  She'll be moving to the States and will need to make friends and be part of a community.  He hasn't made an effort to learn Russian so I don't know how well they communicate, if there's alot of misunderstandings due to language.

Her English as I understand is quite good I suspect our hero is not black and white about meat.

There is an issue that I suspect is being overlooked, a future child. The fiancee of Brian is delaying her departure till the birth of her best friends first baby. This need to procreate will only grow and the fact that our hero does not desire babies is a serious potential issue in the long term.

Reminds me of the story of a girl coming home after a sex ed class and telling her mother there is no way she was going to have a baby, something the size of a watermelon come out of her.

Her mothers drool comment was than make sure you do not put something the size of a cucumber in there.

[Guile]

Well even apart from the English fluency there seems to be bigger issues.  Namely that JDude sees this more as a financial transaction. from what I gather he's stingy with his money and thinking of the repercussions of a divorce if that were to happen.   

He wants her to work which is understandable, but given that she'll be moving to a completely new country it would take at least 4-6 months to get her settled. 

He seems pretty adamant about the meat thing.  And not willing to compromise, which is a bad sign.

My thought is to take a step back and hold off on marriage for now. Spend some more time with her in real life .

[Wiz]

Well even apart from the English fluency there seems to be bigger issues.  Namely that JDude sees this more as a financial transaction. from what I gather he's stingy with his money and thinking of the repercussions of a divorce if that were to happen.   

He wants her to work which is understandable, but given that she'll be moving to a completely new country it would take at least 4-6 months to get her settled. 

He seems pretty adamant about the meat thing.  And not willing to compromise, which is a bad sign.

My thought is to take a step back and hold off on marriage for now. Spend some more time with her in real life .

It takes around 3 years to settle and adjust to a mew place, for a woman amd if the Jdude is not flexible....... all I can see is.... 

Actually some of us have pointed out to him, from the start many pitfalls......but it appears he has his own views. Now he has doubts.......and wait to see when she arrives........if she will like living up in the mountains, after living in a very cosmopolitan city like Lvov.

 

[Guile]

Well I wouldn't say 3 years to adjust, that's quite a long time. I've lived in several different countries including Russia for periods of time.  Usually after a few weeks of knowing the city I can get around ok.  It's the language and culture and take longer.  But I have always known it is temporary and I would return home.  This girl is making a permanent move.

Yeah, she's a city girl and he's a country guy.  It's gonna be hard for her to get used to it.  That and the meat/vegan issue. 

One thing I notice is that he hasn't said much about helping her acclimate to the USA.  He said he couldn't last 7 weeks in the Ukraine which shows you how hard it can be. 

Best option now is to slow down and think things through.

[Guile]

regarding Justadude, I'm just trying to help him out. he seems like a nice guy but probably hasn't thought out everything in terms of bringing a gal over. 

[rosco]

Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I  am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.

With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.

Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.

I’m unsure if you’ve been trolling or joking about the tractor and NY stuff because I know very little about you, but let’s assume you’re being genuine in your latest posts.

If this is all true, I think you’re a very selfish and cowardly individual, guising as a good guy who’s a tad insecure. Some call it inflexible but that’s being too nice.

There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart, sadly it happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. You’ve made this woman jump through hoops, learn English and give up her entire life for a new journey across the globe where she’ll need a strong man to take care of her.

In the meantime, you’ve been dicking about in the woods playing with tractors and tools whilst telling us your fears. What you should have been doing is telling this to HER, face to face in Ukraine. This isn’t a game and she’s not a toy.

I just hope she hasn’t turned her back on everything she has before you drop her like a tonne of shit. Rejection isn’t nice and I can only imagine the pain it’ll cause. This should have been done months ago if you weren’t prepared to make one last visit to confirm, one way or another.

The offer of allowing her to use the visa for a holiday is pathetic. I called this out ages ago btw, further back in the thread. Grow some balls and take responsibility before you wreck someone else’s life.

[Chris]

Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I  am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.

With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.

Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.

I’m unsure if you’ve been trolling or joking about the tractor and NY stuff because I know very little about you, but let’s assume you’re being genuine in your latest posts.

If this is all true, I think you’re a very selfish and cowardly individual, guising as a good guy who’s a tad insecure. Some call it inflexible but that’s being too nice.

There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart, sadly it happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. You’ve made this woman jump through hoops, learn English and give up her entire life for a new journey across the globe where she’ll need a strong man to take care of her.

In the meantime, you’ve been dicking about in the woods playing with tractors and tools whilst telling us your fears. What you should have been doing is telling this to HER, face to face in Ukraine. This isn’t a game and she’s not a toy.

I just hope she hasn’t turned her back on everything she has before you drop her like a tonne of shit. Rejection isn’t nice and I can only imagine the pain it’ll cause. This should have been done months ago if you weren’t prepared to make one last visit to confirm, one way or another.

The offer of allowing her to use the visa for a holiday is pathetic. I called this out ages ago btw, further back in the thread. Grow some balls and take responsibility before you wreck someone else’s life.

+ 1   Rosco just nailed it here, I feel very sorry for this lady TBH.

[Bruce Lee]

Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I  am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.

With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.

Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.

I’m unsure if you’ve been trolling or joking about the tractor and NY stuff because I know very little about you, but let’s assume you’re being genuine in your latest posts.

If this is all true, I think you’re a very selfish and cowardly individual, guising as a good guy who’s a tad insecure. Some call it inflexible but that’s being too nice.

There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart, sadly it happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. You’ve made this woman jump through hoops, learn English and give up her entire life for a new journey across the globe where she’ll need a strong man to take care of her.

In the meantime, you’ve been dicking about in the woods playing with tractors and tools whilst telling us your fears. What you should have been doing is telling this to HER, face to face in Ukraine. This isn’t a game and she’s not a toy.

I just hope she hasn’t turned her back on everything she has before you drop her like a tonne of shit. Rejection isn’t nice and I can only imagine the pain it’ll cause. This should have been done months ago if you weren’t prepared to make one last visit to confirm, one way or another.

The offer of allowing her to use the visa for a holiday is pathetic. I called this out ages ago btw, further back in the thread. Grow some balls and take responsibility before you wreck someone else’s life.

+ 1   Rosco just nailed it here, I feel very sorry for this lady TBH.

Agreed 100 percent, sometimes I fear we encourage folks who should have no business anywhere near this endeavour, if the lady had access to this site and had read some of this crap she would already be running to the hills. And I’m not referring to the hills he’s planning on living in.

[Guile]

My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.

I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.

This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake.  He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.

Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse.  Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.

Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal. 

[msmoby]

Rare are the times any Rosco post meets with my approval - but this is one - sorry

[rosco]

My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.

I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.

This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake.  He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.

Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse.  Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.

Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.

I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......

Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.

The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.

I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.

[Guile]

From the posts he's written he clearly isn't being flexible to her needs.  No meat in the house, he wants her to work, his house is in some remote place far from the city.

No mention of him learning Russian or making sure she will be comfortable in her new country.

And I really don't like him using the word "importing", he's said it several times when talking about girls.  As if he's doing them a favour.

He wouldn't even meet this girl in New York on her trip over.  Sure it's a pain but this is supposed to be your girl.

He talks about being in Ukraine for 7 weeks and getting homesick! That's not even half a semester.  Try living through a Russian winter and then talk.

What's the age difference between them?  She wants a child probably and he doesn't.  Well there goes the neighbourhood.

[Chris]

My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.

I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.

This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake.  He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.

Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse.  Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.

Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.

I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......

Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.

The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.

I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.

Ain't that the truth, I remember similar, at our wedding my FiL stood up and gave a speach (in Ukrainian) and at the end, asked me personally to make sure that I take care of his grandaughter who was 7 years old at the time, of course he was worried about his daughter too, but his grandaughter was far more of a worry for the in laws, especially bearing in mind that they had never visited the UK, certainly puts things into perspective and makes you aware of what these ladies are risking when moving abroad.

Nearly 11 years later that young 7 year old is now at University in the UK and doing very well, sadly, both in laws passed away 3 and 5 years ago so didn't live long enough to see her achieving so much, they would be so proud now, I feel sorry for any ladies who give up their lives in the FSU for anyone who treats them more like a possession, a purchase and with so little respect.

[rosco]

My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.

I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.

This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake.  He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.

Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse.  Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.

Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.

I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......

Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.

The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.

I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.

Ain't that the truth, I remember similar, at our wedding my FiL stood up and gave a speach (in Ukrainian) and at the end, asked me personally to make sure that I take care of his grandaughter who was 7 years old at the time, of course he was worried about his daughter too, but his grandaughter was far more of a worry for the in laws, especially bearing in mind that they had never visited the UK, certainly puts things into perspective and makes you aware of what these ladies are risking when moving abroad.

Nearly 11 years later that young 7 year old is now at University in the UK and doing very well, sadly, both in laws passed away 3 and 5 years ago so didn't live long enough to see her achieving so much, they would be so proud now, I feel sorry for any ladies who give up their lives in the FSU for anyone who treats them more like a possession, a purchase and with so little respect.

The problem with this guy is that he refuses to go back.....ever. He said so much. He can't even be arsed flying to meet her in his own country!

A mature man with good intentions wouldn't need told but that speech would certainly focus what it is you have to do. Accept responsibility and do what you need to do to take care of loved ones. At the end of the day we're the ones who've probably instigated the meeting, turned up, spent intimate time with the lady and ended up proposing. The hard work starts at this point

Sadly not every relationship works out but this guys a day late and a dollar short. Again, I'm not sure how much he jests with the language or perhaps provokes but its extremely disrespectful when discussing a real person who's taking it seriously. It's like he thinks he's actually buying a mail order bride.

The lesson here though is that the story you've shared with us Chris, comes from guys who make it work. Most of us have something similar to tell. Flip the coin and you get the bloke in this thread and it'll never work.

I'm glad this is here for others to learn from.

[Chris]

My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.

I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.

This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake.  He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.

Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse.  Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.

Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.

I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......

Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.

The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.

I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.

Ain't that the truth, I remember similar, at our wedding my FiL stood up and gave a speach (in Ukrainian) and at the end, asked me personally to make sure that I take care of his grandaughter who was 7 years old at the time, of course he was worried about his daughter too, but his grandaughter was far more of a worry for the in laws, especially bearing in mind that they had never visited the UK, certainly puts things into perspective and makes you aware of what these ladies are risking when moving abroad.

Nearly 11 years later that young 7 year old is now at University in the UK and doing very well, sadly, both in laws passed away 3 and 5 years ago so didn't live long enough to see her achieving so much, they would be so proud now, I feel sorry for any ladies who give up their lives in the FSU for anyone who treats them more like a possession, a purchase and with so little respect.

The problem with this guy is that he refuses to go back.....ever. He said so much. He can't even be arsed flying to meet her in his own country!

A mature man with good intentions wouldn't need told but that speech would certainly focus what it is you have to do. Accept responsibility and do what you need to do to take care of loved ones. At the end of the day we're the ones who've probably instigated the meeting, turned up, spent intimate time with the lady and ended up proposing. The hard work starts at this point

Sadly not every relationship works out but this guys a day late and a dollar short. Again, I'm not sure how much he jests with the language or perhaps provokes but its extremely disrespectful when discussing a real person who's taking it seriously. It's like he thinks he's actually buying a mail order bride.

The lesson here though is that the story you've shared with us Chris, comes from guys who make it work. Most of us have something similar to tell. Flip the coin and you get the bloke in this thread and it'll never work.

I'm glad this is here for others to learn from.

Spot on Rosco, and well said as usual 

[Dogsoldier]

All of us who’ve been down this path know and understand what a unique relationship it is, being married to a FSUW. Make no mistake, though, there are testing times ahead for anyone who embark on this journey, for all involved. Those foundations had better be strong right from the beginning. If they’re not , well, the grounds going to shift underfoot pretty rapidly.

[Markje]

My wife wanted to move back to crimea for 3 years. Our relationship kept her here. Now her life is busy but she still longs for crimea and has to visit at least 2ce a year