I came home. He was very excited, we talked every day, though he still tried to blame me if it seemed to him I said something wrong (English is not native for either of us). I even told him once – ok, the girls did not treat you well before, but I didn't cause you any harm, so why should I pay for their mistakes?
Everything seemed to be ok and one day he said he was thinking about marrying me and we should plan it during our next skype session. No need to say how happy I was, though I had some doubts and could not fully trust him after all he had done.
So I asked him some questions about how he saw our future life, as, for example, I will not be allowed to work for 2 years + I do not know French. He said ok, no need to work my salary is enough for all of us (and here I remembered his phrase about “low bank account”).
After that he disappeared for 3 or 4 days. He did not write me at all and after 2 days I asked if he was ok (though all these days he was online in fb I saw new posts in my news). I said I worried about him and I could understand he could be busy, but he could just write me about it something like that “sorry, dear, next 2-3 days I will be busy and will not be able to talk to you”. I would understand it. After that he unfriended me in fb as “you used fb to spy on me these days and you are
ing my brain now” (I mentioned I saw him online).
He said he was sick and tired/nervous and he left his job as a teacher, decided to study something new (for a year) and start his own business. I was a little bit shocked. I said ok, but you could tell me about such plans, if you were going to change your life so much as for me it meant you will be unemployed for 2 years and would not be able to marry me. His answer was - my health is more important for me. Ok. Anyway I did not ask for anything, it was his choice all I could do was to agree and support him.
At that time he frankly told me that he bought a flat with his ex, then she left him and he had to pay it alone (mortgage) more than 2k euros every month, that is why he lived with mom (ooops he said before it was his apartment!) and that is why his account was low. So he was going to sell it to pay the mortgage.
I asked ok you are unemployed now and you are full of debts, how are you going to live? The answer killed me – dear, my parents are not poor, they will help me. I always thought at 43 you should help your parents already, no?
But ok, I saw he had a plan, he was motivated etc so I told not to worry I will agree with any decision and can wait until he solved all his problems.
He was going to sell his bike to be able to visit me this summer
About the kids..I asked many times why he did not see them and every time I got different answers. This question worried me very much as I have a kid too and cannot understand him. He said his ex took the kids and did not allow him to see them. I knew that it is very hard to do in European countries (he worked in the police then so I do not think he had any problems with law) so it was strange that he had not visited them for 4 years and only saw them once a year in the city accidentally. They are 14 now, they have mobiles and fb but he did not want to try to write them, he said he tried for several years and did not want it anymore, he just did not have kids.
Oh, yes, “I paid for them so much already and did not see them”, “I regret I had kids with this bitch” etc. However, he said he was a good dad for them and I do think he was, he was just hurt he could not see them and blamed his ex for it. It was something like a protection I think.
At that time he started losing interest, we stopped talking on skype (though we did it only once a week) and wrote me once in two or three days only. He did not ask me how I was etc, and even when I wrote first his answers were short. I told once that I do not feel he was interested anymore. The answer was – oh, no baby, I just have a lot of work. Ok..no time for me..so sad…I tried to talk… to explain that I need more attention, than “how are you?” once in three days. He just kept silent.
I started to understand that probably he was not the one I need though it hurt me much.
But I still tried to repair it. I tried not to annoy him, etc.
The last dialog was when he said that French laws are strange, even stupid, I laughed and answered – many things are strange, not only laws. He said : Me for example??? That is what you were thinking about?
?? I answered – noooo, I meant the language as French grammar is strange for me. He said – you are cynical.
For me it was the last straw. I was kind and nice to him always. I tried to understand and accept all his quirks; I always tried to find excuses for him if he did something I did not like. I tried to respect his feelings. I never said anything that could offend him etc. And after all of it he said I am cynical? I wrote him all of it and it was my last message.
He did not answer anything as I think somewhere deep inside he probably knew I was right.
In two or three days he posted some pics with a local girl hugging him with comments “baby I love you”. Since that time this story is finished for me. I did not write him anything further and I am not going to do it.
Though I do think I deserve to be informed about it properly. If he wanted to get rid of me he could just write – sorry, I found another girl. I would understand and accept it.
Anyway, I am not angry about him. I saw a nice country thanks to him, he really tried to show me it. And I got a very good lesson for future.The end.