Everything was fantastic, then, silence.

[USPilot]

Background: I'm from the US, 21 years old. Shes from Donetsk, 18.

Alright so about 3 or a little more months ago I was contacted on OkCupid by a Ukrainian woman. Things were pretty innocent for the first month. We mostly just chatted, no flirting. Then things started to pick up and we soon began Skyping each other very frequently, 4-5 times a week on average, with each session usually lasting 3-5 hours. We grew very close and I was soon talking about visiting. However, my visit to Ukraine was delayed for over a month due to the current conflict. About two weeks ago she fled to Rostov-On-Don and will be attending a university there.

Replies were less frequent once she got there, but she was still getting settled in and such so I understood. About 9 days ago we skyped, and everything seemed great. We had another *intimate* skype session, expressed loving words, etc. We'd recently planned on me going to Russia, so we were in the final stages of that and I reminded her to send me her address when we got done Skyping so I could look for a hotel/apartment to stay at. She excitedly said she would, and would also help me look for some the next day.

Next day comes, I don't hear anything from her. I send her a message on VK (what we usually communicate with when not on Skype) and don't get a reply. Day after that comes, I send her a message reminding her that I need the information soon so I can get the Visa in time. Later in the day she replies, "Hi darling, I'm sorry for not talking to you for so long". I was at work, so didn't see it right away but replied 15 minutes later. She hasn't read any of my messages since.

So my question is...what should I do? Or more importantly, what do you think happened? I've already sent too many messages (6 or so?) and tried video calling her on VK today (call declined). Messages don't do any good, seeing as she doesn't read them as far as I can tell. I don't have her new Russian phone number, only her Ukrainian one. Wanted to send flowers, but don't have her location!

She hasn't blocked or unfriended me, and her profile still shows "In a relationship". Shes on VK a LOT. I don't know if I'm being strung along while she sees someone else, if shes just unsure about the relationship, or just busy with her new social life.

I won't be trying to contact her anymore until I (maybe) hear from her. It's all very confusing and seems very unlike her. When last we skyped, everything seemed great (and I know how she sounds/appears when shes concerned or lying).

Edit: Also, during the summer I've been working extra at my crappy college job to get the money to visit her. She's said many times, when I've talked about my finances, that I shouldn't worry and that if I can't come this summer that she'd wait as long as necessary (we'd discussed possibly Christmas). I'm pretty sure she may have mentioned this again when we last skyped after we joked that I'd have to delay my trip once more.

[BelleZeBoob]

So my question is...what should I do? Or more importantly, what do you think happened? 

Not sure that there are any clairvoyant people among the RUA members. Sorry I could not resist. I wish I could give you a meaningful answer.

On a side note, Donetsk and the area is now in a war zone. Some people relocated wherever they could.

If you really want to know what happened to her, may be you could find any of her classmates that you may know of? You have a good reason to express your concerns about a well being of your friend and her family, given that you lost contact.

[GuppyCaptain]

[USPilot]

Haha I know, I'm only asking for speculation I guess :p From those who know more about the culture and how woman of her age there tend to act.

You misunderstand, I know roughly where shes at. She's at one of the dormitories in Rostov-On-Don where she'll be attending university. Just don't know which one. I know that she's safe, because we've spoken since she arrived that and she's constantly on VK.

I've considered contacting one of her friends on VK who I know knows about me. But I've sort of considered that my "going nuclear" option. I feel like she might not like me going to her friends for answers. Gets close to the "obsessive" line of things I feel like.

@Guppy haha, saying she should run from me or I from her?

[GuppyCaptain]

Haha I know, I'm only asking for speculation I guess :p From those who know more about the culture and how woman of her age there tend to act.

You misunderstand, I know roughly where shes at. She's at one of the dormitories in Rostov-On-Don where she'll be attending university. Just don't know which one. I know that she's safe, because we've spoken since she arrived that and she's constantly on VK.

I've considered contacting one of her friends on VK who I know knows about me. But I've sort of considered that my "going nuclear" option. I feel like she might not like me going to her friends for answers. Gets close to the "obsessive" line of things I feel like.

@Guppy haha, saying she should run from me or I from her?

You from her. If she's as you state, safe and able to communicate but not doing so after repeated attempts by you, then she's obviously blowing you off. Run like the wind.

It'd be a completely different situation if there was any question about her safety and well-being, but there isn't, right?

Here's another big issue and in years you'll understand why this was such a big problem......SHE'S 18! Women can be tough to figure out even when they're older, but an 18 year old?! Seriously my friend, try to get over your broken heart and move on. The thing that sucks about getting your heart broken for the first time is that it hasn't happened before and you can't possible understand how the hurt will go away, but eventually it does and then the next time it happens you'll have the life experience to understand that the world isn't going to end when a relationship with someone whom you deeply care for ends.

You're 21. Go grab life by the horns and ride it hard. Then when you're in your 30s dismount or slow down to a gallop and THEN find a life long partner.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh, but once you live through about another decade of your life you'll start realizing some of these things. I truly wish you the best.

[GuppyCaptain]

Oh, and judging by the username you're also a pilot. If you're trying to make a career of it then being single will be a huge advantage. There's some hefty dues to pay before you "make it". That's the ugly truth and they will put a big stress on you, but they'll absolutely destroy relationships. I've seen it to many times.

[USPilot]

You from her. If she's as you state, safe and able to communicate but not doing so after repeated attempts by you, then she's obviously blowing you off. Run like the wind.

It's be a completely different situation if there was any question about her safety and well-being, but there isn't, right?

Here's another big issue and in years you'll understand why this was such a big problem......SHE'S 18! Women can tough to figure out even when they're older, but an 18 year old?! Seriously my friend, try to get over your broken heart and move on. The thing that sucks about getting your heart broken for the first time is that it hasn't happened before and you can't possible understand how the hurt will go away, but eventually it does and then the next time it happens you'll have the life experience to understand that the world isn't going to end when a relationship with someone whom you deeply care for ends.

You're 21. Go grab life by the horns and ride it hard. Then when you're in your 30s dismount or slow down to a gallop and THEN find a life long partner.

I hope you don't think I'm being harsh, but once you live through about another decade of your life you'll start realizing some of these things. I truly wish you the best.

Oh I know, and I should have expected something like this when I started dating an 18 year old. But I ignored it because, up until this point, she seemed to be more mature for her age.

Have had my heart broken and also broken a heart or two in my short time, this certainly isn't the first bittersweet memory I have. It's just a difficult one, as I've never met someone (locally or distant) as attractive and intelligent who's personality (seemingly) meshed so perfectly with mine. That and the not knowing. I can deal with the emotional damage...it's my curiosity of what happened that's going to be the death of me haha.

And just to address your comment about waiting to get a lifelong partner, that really isn't my style. I just can't bring myself to waste my own time, or the other person's time, with a relationship that I know won't head anywhere. Which I realize is problamatic considering my age and the attitude of woman in my age bracket (particularly college girls, annoy the shit out of me).

[USPilot]

Oh, and judging by the username you're also a pilot. If you're trying to make a career of it then being single will be a huge advantage. There's some hefty dues to pay before you "make it". That's the ugly truth and they will put a big stress on you, but they'll absolutely destroy relationships. I've seen it to many times.

Appreciate the advice, though I'm well aware of how it can be rough. Depends entirely on how one chooses to tackle it. There are certainly more options available to the single pilot, but there are equally viable options for an attached pilot. They just aren't always as lucrative or obvious, but allow one to come home every night.

[GuppyCaptain]

Oh, and judging by the username you're also a pilot. If you're trying to make a career of it then being single will be a huge advantage. There's some hefty dues to pay before you "make it". That's the ugly truth and they will put a big stress on you, but they'll absolutely destroy relationships. I've seen it to many times.

Appreciate the advice, though I'm well aware of how it can be rough. Depends entirely on how one chooses to tackle it. There are certainly more options available to the single pilot, but there are equally viable options for an attached pilot. They just aren't always as lucrative or obvious, but allow one to come home every night.

Well, PM if you'd like to continue discussing the career aspect of this. I just don't want to contaminate your thread. Also, my apologies as I just noticed that you posted this under "Ask a Russian Lady". I'm neither Russian or a lady 

[Mikeav8r]

Oh I know, and I should have expected something like this when I started dating an 18 year old. But I ignored it because, up until this point, she seemed to be more mature for her age.

Have had my heart broken and also broken a heart or two in my short time, this certainly isn't the first bittersweet memory I have. It's just a difficult one, as I've never met someone (locally or distant) as attractive and intelligent who's personality (seemingly) meshed so perfectly with mine. That and the not knowing. I can deal with the emotional damage...it's my curiosity of what happened that's going to be the death of me haha.

And just to address your comment about waiting to get a lifelong partner, that really isn't my style. I just can't bring myself to waste my own time, or the other person's time, with a relationship that I know won't head anywhere. Which I realize is problamatic considering my age and the attitude of woman in my age bracket (particularly college girls, annoy the shit out of me).

That's the beauty of the FSU...they still are that and more even in their 30's so no rush my young friend.

Like GC said above, you are still very young and life is long.  Don't rush in to a lifelong commitment just yet...enjoy life, have fun, play around, grow up some more, get a stable career and then worry about it.

Even though my aviation career was short lived, I got a good taste of what the world was like and can tell you too heed GC's advice above.  That is no life for a married man, especially the first few years.  He has some seniority and a kush job with a mainline ( ) so he will get better schedules and routes but the regionals are crap until you become a senior Captain.  No life whatsoever and much better suited for a single guy.  But I still miss it.

GC - Just kidding...I know the real deal

P.S.  18 year olds are 18 year olds regardless of where they live.  They may be a little more mature in the FSU but get a group of them together and watch...no difference.

[USPilot]

P.S.  18 year olds are 18 year olds regardless of where they live.  They may be a little more mature in the FSU but get a group of them together and watch...no difference.

And I think you hit the nail on the head with that. That was my first concern with her now living with 2-3 other girls. Having no break from the constant influence of college freshmen girls...spells trouble.

[Larry]

So my question is...what should I do? Or more importantly, what do you think happened? I've already sent too many messages (6 or so?) and tried video calling her on VK today (call declined)... 

I won't be trying to contact her anymore until I (maybe) hear from her. It's all very confusing and seems very unlike her. When last we skyped, everything seemed great (and I know how she sounds/appears when shes concerned or lying).

It doesn't look good for you.  I think you're probably correct in not contacting her again.  A lot of the very young FSUW are incredibly flakey.  If flaking were made an Olympic sport the powerful Ukrainian women's team and the mighty Russian women's team would win gold and silver at every Olympics.

Just out of curiosity, how often do you think she has lied to you?

[USPilot]

So my question is...what should I do? Or more importantly, what do you think happened? I've already sent too many messages (6 or so?) and tried video calling her on VK today (call declined)... 

I won't be trying to contact her anymore until I (maybe) hear from her. It's all very confusing and seems very unlike her. When last we skyped, everything seemed great (and I know how she sounds/appears when shes concerned or lying).

It doesn't look good for you.  I think you're probably correct in not contacting her again.  A lot of the very young FSUW are incredibly flakey.  If flaking were made an Olympic sport the powerful Ukrainian women's team and the mighty Russian women's team would win gold and silver at every Olympics.

Just out of curiosity, how often do you think she has lied to you?

Wish I had known they were so flakey before hand :/ It just seems ridiculous to me that someone could bail out like that, without a word.

Not too often, not over anything important at least. Usually when I've noticed it (and called her out on it) they've been in regards to personal stuff she was dealing with or something minor relating to our relationship. She had been pretty open about what shes up to, often sent along pictures as well.

Perhaps I should add, "No more so than the usual female I deal with."

[Maxx]

One of the nevers is never send money. Another never is don't fall in love with a photo. But another never is never get attached through letters, Skype or phone calls. I would just make light contact, ask some questions and then get over there. It's not real until you meet. Also I would avoid teenagers even for a young man like yourself. I don't care how grown up they act or look. Of course I am talking about if you are looking for long term commitment.

[USPilot]

Well, got a lot of male opinion in the female forum. Hopefully I can get some female opinion once the sun makes it's way over to Russia :p

[Larry]

Well, got a lot of male opinion in the female forum. Hopefully I can get some female opinion once the sun makes it's way over to Russia :p

Very few females post here.  You won't get many replies from them. Unless you criticize Russia.  Then you'll get lots of posts from them.

[Halo]

Here is a female opinion.  She is 18.  She has just left a war zone.  She needs to settle in to study.  You don't even have the cash to come see her immediately.  She may be interested, but you are not there.  She needs to survive.  Your airy fairy words about coming to visit are just that.  They are not real. 

None of the above does not mean she is not interested.  It just means that she is a realist, and is continuing to arrange, and live, her life.

[USPilot]

Here is a female opinion.  She is 18.  She has just left a war zone.  She needs to settle in to study.  You don't even have the cash to come see her immediately.  She may be interested, but you are not there.  She needs to survive.  Your airy fairy words about coming to visit are just that.  They are not real. 

None of the above does not mean she is not interested.  It just means that she is a realist, and is continuing to arrange, and live, her life.

Well, I didn't have the money initially, but have had the money to visit for a while now and she knew that. Like I said, we were in the final stages of getting me to come, just needed to get the location I would be staying decided on before I filed for visa.

That being said, if her reasons were the above I would understand. Though unfortunately I may never know, since she doesn't even bother reading my messages...which really does baffle me.

[USPilot]

HOLLLLYYYYY CRAP. Bombshell breakthrough.

Googled her name (why didn't I do this before!?) and guess what I found? An American man's VK profile who, judging from his posts, got dropped by her right around the time that I officially asked her to be my girlfriend. Dude had already bought tickets and everything. I've got his skype and mobile number off of VK, gonna get to the bottom of this now.

Edit: Scratch that, she and I had started talking but there was no flirting going on between as until about a month after when it seems she started ignoring him. But still, I'll be able to find out if he went through the same ordeal.

[Orchid]

...I officially asked her to be my girlfriend....

What the hell is this? Did I miss something in this life?
What can you do officially with girlfriend (except putting tag "Do not disturb" on door knob, of course)??

 I'll be able to find out if he went through the same ordeal.

It will be the same ordeal if.... girl is the same. 

[WOVO]

I would suggest you to move on.   18 years old girls are very unpredictable.   If she is still / or going to be... a student, I would suggest to forget about her and move on unless you can wait till she finishes her education.  Are you prepared to take the risk?

[NS1]

Simple, your 21 she is 18 and 5000km separate you.
if you were in same neighbourhood, would be tough at that age.

[Danchik]

He doesn't have to "move on" although he certainly can. He should just not consider her anything more than an acquaintance.

To repeat the mantra from many posters already:

You're 21 and you obviously have a lot to learn about FSU girls, and life in general. My suggestion is to meet as many girls as possible and not fall in lust, love or any other thing you can think of at least until you meet. This would include thinking any girl is your "official" girlfriend.

The meet many girls suggestion includes American girls. There are very few girls in the FSU that will consider you ready to get serious about a relationship, especially living so far away, and doubly so because of your age.

If a girl doesn't reply to you in the time you think is normal, wait until she contacts you and don't sweat it. It may take a month or 3, but if there is anything to your relationship, she will eventually contact you. The worse thing you can do is to pester her about it.

Many times these girls don't answer because they don't want to have to tell you "no". Avoiding you is much easier for them.

Have fun with these girls, but don't assume you have anything serious with them. And please, educate yourself more about the culture you're sticking your toe into.

[USPilot]

Haha well I can understand the girlfriend criticism. I personally intended to wait until I got there before considering such a title, but a few weeks before I had initially hoped to arrive she seemed to be pushing for it so I obliged, seeing as I'd be there shortly anyway.

Appreciate the input people, thanks.

[WOVO]

You need to remember that it is awful long way to go there just for an "interview" without any back-up plans !!!