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Thrill of the hunt? Pursuing Perfection? Why does it take so long in some cases?
2tallbill:
Ashby Clark asked this in my Trip Report, I think it merits it's own Thread.
For those who have been at this for years............. Why so long? Is it
the thrill of the hunt? pursuing perfection or the unobtainable? or something
else?
--- Quote from: ashbyclarke on December 10, 2013, 03:14:16 PM ---Bill, interesting thread, I have a serious question for you.
You have been at this game for a long time, bit like myself, do you think you are searching for something that's perhaps not achievable or have you become addicted to the chase or is there something else?
Be interested to know what your thoughts are.....
--- End quote ---
Larry:
I'll copy my response from the thread in which this question was originally raised:
I thought I would comment because this is a common question and a discussion of it would be helpful. It really deserves its own thread. Some guys, particularly those who found success in their searches very quickly, believe that there is something wrong with the guy or his approach if he doesn't find success fairly quickly. Sometimes this is true, but not always.
It's great if the guy meets the right girl on his first try. But often this does not happen. The two people just aren't right for each other, and they might not come to that conclusion until they've been seeing each other for 9 months or 12 months, or perhaps even after the girl comes to the guy's country.
Even if the guy goes about this search intelligently, there are many ways for the relationships to end without marriage. These relationships seem to be inherently fragile. I have heard of so many of them that end for various reasons, even though each person is making some effort to make them work.
And that is true even under good circumstances. If some serious setback happens in the life of either party to the relationship, then the relationship can be at real risk. If the guy loses his job, for example, and spends months trying to find another job, he usually cuts back on discretionary expenses such as foreign travel. Likewise, if much of a guy's income depends on bonuses and business is bad, he might not have the wherewithal to keep up regular travel to sustain the relationship, so it dies.
ashbyclarke:
--- Quote from: ashbyclarke on December 10, 2013, 03:56:52 PM ---
--- Quote from: Larry on December 10, 2013, 03:46:37 PM ---
--- Quote from: ashbyclarke on December 10, 2013, 03:14:16 PM ---Bill, interesting thread, I have a serious question for you.
You have been at this game for a long time, bit like myself, do you think you are searching for something that's perhaps not achievable or have you become addicted to the chase or is there something else?
Be interested to know what your thoughts are.....
--- End quote ---
I haven't been authorized to speak for Bill, but I thought I would comment because this is a common question and a discussion of it would be helpful. It really deserves its own thread. Some guys, particularly those who found success in their searches very quickly, believe that there is something wrong with the guy or his approach if he doesn't find success fairly quickly. Sometimes this is true, but not always.
Even if the guy goes about this search intelligently, there are many ways for the relationships to end without marriage. These relationships seem to be inherently fragile. I have heard of so many of them that end for various reasons, even though each person is making some effort to make them work.
And that is true even under good circumstances. If some serious setback happens in the life of either party to the relationship, then the relationship can be at real risk. If the guy loses his job, for example, and spends months trying to find another job, he usually cuts back on discretionary expenses such as foreign travel. Likewise, if much of a guy's income depends on bonuses and business is bad, he might not have the wherewithal to keep up the relationship, so it dies.
--- End quote ---
Good post Larry.
There's also the panic that sets in with responsibility, maybe, also the financial commitment, not to mention the loss of independence, I know it's what is originally sought but this original thought can be lost in the addiction.
For those that can travel quite easily and have done so for a while I think there's a tendency to expect better, always find fault with what they have, knowing they can easily hop on another silver bird !
Be interested to know other peoples thoughts on this, even those good ones they've given up in the hope of finding better?!
--- End quote ---
My response from Bill's thread !
BelleZeBoob:
--- Quote from: 2tallbill on December 10, 2013, 03:54:48 PM ---Ashby Clark asked this in my Trip Report, I think it merits it's own Thread.
For those who have been at this for years............. Why so long? Is it
the thrill of the hunt? pursuing perfection or the unobtainable? or something
else?
--- End quote ---
Could be just bad luck, plain and simple. Relationships are not something that could be earned or deserved.
2tallbill:
Thrill of the hunt? Pursuing Perfection? Why does it take so long in some cases?
How hard can it be? it can be hard. Especially if you get started off on the wrong
foot, pay by the letter agencies, meet a creative scammer, run into prodaters
etc.
Or if you think a lot of the rules don't apply to you.
Also there is life itself that pops up. Family deaths or family health issues, a
severe economic down turn. Having an AW GF, or meeting an RW GF locally
for a time would take you out of the hunt and you would have to start over.
It's not easy, it requires time, treasure, maximum effort and patience. If you
lack any one of those 4 things then you are going to be relying on luck.
Did I enjoy the hunt? Hell yes I did. Did I enjoy starting over? Hell no I didn't.
I am cautiously optimistic that my hunting days are over. It took a long time
for sure. I chased the wrong girls from pay by the letter agencies. I chased girls
who were too young, I made mistakes but I kept making different mistakes.
I had real life issues with my business and family that took me out of the
hunt for a over a year. I had a Russian girl friend here in the USA for quite
some time. I had an American girl friend for several months.
Hopefully I am finished hunting. Now the difficult part begins.
Udachi !
Bill
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