Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Dating in the FSU and Other Countries

The ability of a FSUW's friends to torpedo her international relationship

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Larry:
Several of us were discussing this in the chatroom recently and thought it might be a topic of enough interest to create a thread.

There has been discussion in some threads about a girl's family torpedoing her international relationship.  But what about her friends' ability to do so?

I once dated a FSUW whose co-worker found out she was going out with me.  He told her that she shouldn't marry a foreigner.  I assume his attitude toward FSUW/WM marriages paralleled that of most AW.  He was merely an acquaintance rather than a close friend, so he could not dissuade her from her plans.  But closer friends were able to have an adverse effect.

How common is this?

A different FSUW I dated told me that at least some of her friends would secretly be happy if her nice plans fell through.  I've heard this phenomenon being called the "crab in a bucket" mentality:


--- Quote ---Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, is a phrase that describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that members of a group will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.
--- End quote ---

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

Rasputin:

--- Quote from: Larry on October 05, 2013, 02:23:45 PM ---I once dated a FSUW whose co-worker found out she was going out with me.  He told her that she shouldn't marry a foreigner.

--- End quote ---

My wife was warned by co-workers that she would become a sex slave by co-workers  :-X


--- Quote ---But closer friends were able to have an adverse effect.
--- End quote ---

Only if she can't make her own decisions and assume full responsibility for her life. My wife's extended family did her best to persuade her not to go to Canada, she told them to take a hike.


--- Quote ---How common is this?
--- End quote ---

Very common, but if a woman is strong-willed and independent, she will make her own decisions. These are the type of women IMVHO that you want to date and marry.

Barbossa:
One the biggest obstacles to overcome is a friend (or family member) that feels that they are going to be left behind in a successful AM/FSUW relationship.  I, too, experienced this roadblock over the summer.  The gal I was seeing had a close friend that spoke absolutely no English and intentionally spoke rapid Russian so I had no hope of receiving a translation every time she spoke in my presence.  She had no reservations about sharing her negative opinions about foreigners and chose not to interact with any.

I cannot say how much of an impact that had on any given day with my gal, but over a period of time it had an abrasive effect on me and probably was a factor (although limited one) in our relationship's demise.

patagonie:
Obstacles on the road are not missing.
Opponenets will come from many horizons.
Whatever you do, it is very important to have a very good relationship with family and friends (as possible).
But whatever you do there will be some who will try to screw up your relationship. And even during marriage process.
YOu will find also some who are in fact jealous of your happiness, because you become the example to follow.
If you have a strong bond with your lady you will know about this, perhaps all perhaps not all.
I consider that the ones who roadblock you are the ones full of fear and the others ones who envy you as the ones who just highlight your success in life.
You cannot know the power of to be an example. You can teach a lot by your way of being.

Boris:
If you are the man the chances are nil...

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