Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Married Chat

Children of spouses & how to successfully move both of them.

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AvHdB:
A number of posters have recently from different perspectives discussed and asked not only about their wife or fiancé, but also the children that they come along with.

It certainly can be argued that a woman with out children is easier to move to Western Europe or North America. But things happen. Women meet and greet, bed and wed. Sproglets enter this world and people get divorced. Often as opposed to the west the mothers become sole provider and care giver. The father does little except with holds the permission to allow the child to move with the mother.

My feeling is a woman aged 30 and above is more mature and settled in her expectations. But this is just a minor guess.

I have three times dated women, one from Russian and two from Ukraine; with children and in two cases have clearly seen this. (The Russian woman was unusual in that she had spent almost two years in America as a single Mom, working)

So perhaps members with experience (or none) can comment and give suggestions in the areas.

     1.) What is the best way to obtain the fathers approval (blessing) for the departure of his child to a foreign country?

     2.) What have you done with your spouse/partner to help the child with the transition to a different culture?

     3.) Have you helped to maintain the child’s former culture and language?

     4.) What would you never do?

I realize every woman and child is different, Thank the Lord. But if you can share what you have seen or done great. If you have seen situations where everything goes pear shaped please share, maybe some one can avoid making the same blunders.

Feel free to forward this onto members who might have in the past had something to write.

missAmeno:
For any child (regardless of age, as I know some members here believe that its easier for younger kids) moving to new country is stressful. Leaving behind friends, relatives, things they used to and moving to unknown isnt easy. Suddenly child have to adopt to new school, learn new language, make new friends, cope with missing of old friends. Its quiet a lot for a kid.

One of most important things in my opinion that right attitude regarding moving is set before actual moving. Child should be looking at moving to new place as a little adventure with positive emotions. If child for any reasons feeling negatively about moving it will make harder to adopt to new life. And so the way child will look at relocation will very much depends on mother and support from other family members. Family should in advance help child to learn about new country and how life in new country could be positive experience. At the same time its a stick with two ends as mother by her self have very limited information as of what to expect and rising child hopes seems wrong thing to do.
Example when about 4 years ago we have been moving from London to Wales my kids (althought upset about leaving friends behind) been looking forward to possibilities of having more time outdoors.

Another important factor in my opinion for kids to be able easy to make new friends otherwise they will feel lonely. When we moved to Wales my oldest child (girl aged 6 years old at a time) have been finding more difficult to adjust to new place as she had few very good friends back in London and was missing them very much. On her last birthday she invited 56 friends and thats as she said "only my best friends".  So when you planning to move you must make sure child will have ability to meet and play with kids of similar age.

Also insuring that child have similar activities he/she used to have back in her own country is important. Example if child was participating in dance/art/sport/etc classes same or similar opportunities should be available in new country. Just keep them busy, give them new experiences, positive feelings.

Possibility of keeping comunication with old friends and family members left behind will play role as well. They may want to write letters/emails and be able to talk often on phone with people they are missing. Such possibilities should be provided for them.

I would not advise put any pressure on learning new language, child will be frustrated enough without such pressure. New language will come naturally when child is ready for it and mainly will be driven by communication (or wish to communicate) with new friends. When my kids after moving started welsh school (where teachers and staff talk to them only in welsh) they felt frustrated and fall behind in their studying. Right now they arent any different from any other kid in school, their welsh language improving every day and doesnt effect any more their other studies. Be patient and give child plenty time to adjust and learn new language.

AvHdB:
Miss A,

Thank you very insightful.

AvHdB

Brasscasing:
In fact an insightful enough post from Miss A to warrant this topic being awarded a sticky. :)

Brass

AvHdB:
And I thought I did yet again something wrong or offensive.

From several threads and chat this subject has come up and it would be useful if other members shared there insights and thoughts.

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