Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Dating in the FSU and Other Countries

Baabushka

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ForgeMaster:
We plan to bing my wife's mom here for an extended visit within the next few months.  It is an active decision now and we are just working out the details.  Both my wife and I are working our tails off both day and night (I work midnight shift) so the help at home will be welcomed. 
  I have 2 questions:
1.  Does anyone have experience with mom living in house with them?  It is normal in Russia, but not in the US.  Anyone have an idea of what do expect as far as pecking order, relationships (would depend on personalities for sure), interactions, etc.
2.  Any recent experience with visitor visas?  How long they take, how long can stay, limitations, extensions, etc, etc,

She lives in Siberia, but came from Kazakhstan, so the Russian lottery restrictions do not apply.

thanks,
ForgeMaster

Chris:

--- Quote from: ForgeMaster on April 19, 2007, 06:38:45 AM ---We plan to bing my wife's mom here for an extended visit within the next few months.  It is an active decision now and we are just working out the details.  Both my wife and I are working our tails off both day and night (I work midnight shift) so the help at home will be welcomed. 
  I have 2 questions:
1.  Does anyone have experience with mom living in house with them?  It is normal in Russia, but not in the US.  Anyone have an idea of what do expect as far as pecking order, relationships (would depend on personalities for sure), interactions, etc.
2.  Any recent experience with visitor visas?  How long they take, how long can stay, limitations, extensions, etc, etc,

She lives in Siberia, but came from Kazakhstan, so the Russian lottery restrictions do not apply.

thanks,
ForgeMaster

--- End quote ---

I have no direct experience FM, so take this with a pinch of salt, but the only guy I know of who did this ended up getting divorced not too long later.

He was based in the UK and the MIL caused all sorts of grief for him. However, I will also point out that his marriage was probably on the rocks long beforehand and the MIL just helped nudge it on a bit further and quicker  ;)

ardillas:
I think it's a toss-up and it all depends on the individual personalities of those involved.  I think that if you don't speak Russian and your mother-in-law doesn't speak English, chances are that you and she won't have any major fallouts during her stay.  Oddly enough, I'd be more careful with respect to your wife, as she may now have gotten used to having her own parent-free living space with you in the U.S. and, once the novelty of her mother's presence wears off, may find conditions to be cramped and less private than she'd like (this situation is exacerbated if her mother continues to give her advice she used to give when they lived together pre-marriage).

My Ukrainian mother-in-law visits my wife and me (and our son) at least twice per year and stays for at least six weeks during each of her visits.  My experience has been nothing but positive, as she tends to mind her own business, lend invaluable assistance in taking care of our son and giving us a little time off and generally keep a low profile.  She is also very appreciative of the little things we do to thank her for her help, like taking her out to eat, buying her some new clothes from the deeply discounted racks in department stores, showing her around the area, etc.  I didn't feel too cramped even when she visited us in our apartment before we bought our house.

I have heard horror stories from certain of my friends about their wives' Russian mothers or grandmothers showing up, staying for six months, not bathing once during their stay and meddling in their personal lives by imposing their views on the family and expressing their dissatisfaction loudly with perceived deficiencies.  Unless you get really unlucky, however, I think that with a little tolerance and understanding, everything should be fine and chances are that your mother-in-law will want to take care of you as well.

We never had any issues with getting my mother-in-law a visitor's visa to the U.S., but she applied in Kiev.  Maybe Jooky or someone who has had more recent experience with the U.S. Embassy in Moscow (if that's where people from Siberia apply these days).  I am not sure I understand why the lottery restrictions are relevant for visitor's visa purposes.

Patrick:
Yes as a matter of fact I do have first hand experience with living with extended family. My mother-in-law is here with us now. She arrived here in March and will be here until September.
  She was given a 5 year multi entry visa with no questions ask. She can stay 6 months at a time. She must , and this is very important, return to her home country for at least 24 hours. She can then return for 6 more months. This came from the Customs Officer at Dulles International last month.
  We have no problems. She is a wonderful woman and our house is much better with her here with us. Our kids are well behaved and she is just a all around great woman. I must tell all of you she is a deaf mute. She lost her hearing in the 1940 during the war due to illness. She has an Collage education ,reads and writes in Ukrainian, Russian, Slovakian and Russyn. The latter has nothing to do with the Russian language. It is a language spoken in Transcarpathia . She is learning to read English with my wife , Babygirl and sons help.
 
  The visa paper work is not hard to do. It is all done on line. We sent a letter inviting her to the US. She filled out the paper work asking for a visa and emailed it to the Embassy .They make an appointment for her to come to Kiev. She showed up with my wife as a translator, my wife is fluent in sigh language and yes it is very different from the us version . She was ask if she was the person that was on the form. She was ask when she wanted to leave and was told that her visa was ready and would be sent using DHL to her. She received it in three days. She signed the forms and they caught the train back to Uzhgorod the same day. Do all people that apply for a visa get approved ? No, they don't. Does a mid seventies little deaf mute lady showing up with her daughter that lives in the US and has a home and family living in Ukraina get one ? Yes, she does.
   Life is good with her with us and I am a better man just for knowing her..
 

Jooky:
1) My Yaya (Babushka) lived at home with my family when I was young. She was a great help to my Mama and I have very fond memories of her. I know my Papa didn't complain. He appreciated the extra and company for Mama (who came from overseas). However, this does depend on the individual.

2) My latest visitor has a 2 year multi-entry visa. She can stay for six months at a time. The application and acceptance literally took her about 15 minutes, but typically it will take a bit longer. A few days to a week from application to acceptance (or rejection) is normal. I can't think of any complications or limitations to report.

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