Dating an FSUW is not much different to dating at home?

[Voyager]

[Mod note: Split from the Russian Bride Guide topic]

But essentially dating an FSUW is not much different to dating at home, I was myself at all times and treated my now wife in the same way I have treated former girlfriends!

I think you are wrong about this.

If you meet a girl in the US or the UK, you can invite her out for dinner (or coffee or whatever). If it doesn't go well then you say goodbye and go on your merry way.

If you arrange to fly 1,000+ miles to meet a girl there is a much greater expectation on both sides, you want to be sure that you are going to pick the right one, and that you don't screw things up.

Big difference!

[Rasputin]

If you meet a girl in the US or the UK, you can invite her out for dinner (or coffee or whatever). If it doesn't go well then you say goodbye and go on your merry way.

It depends as to how you date in Russia. If you know some Russian, have lots of time to spend overseas, and use local Russian sites, you can set up a date, meet the woman, and if things don't work out say goodbye.

[sparky114]

Hi, I don't totally disagree with you, however buying an instructional manual does not completely protect us from making the really simple errors of judgment that I'm sure most experienced guys here have made.

The book isn't an instruction manual to success, I agree. But it does prevent you from making some easy to make mistakes, that could cost you your romantic interest when it shouldn't have because chemistry/compatibility is good.

For instance:
Suppose you are avoiding the most obvious pitfalls, you are enjoying your time in the FSU with your date. (as learned for free on forums/discussion groups, etc.)

The scenario: GF wants to stop by a market, to buy something completely personal (nothing to do with dating) Items Worth $0.50. (Say, a booklet to write exam-notes + 1 pencil as she is still in school).

My actions: I go with her to the market and she buys the items.

Result: She calls off the relationship totally and wont speak to me.

Again I don't totally disagree with you, personally before meeting I asked as many questions as was humanly possible before actually meeting, I always felt this would give me a good idea of what was acceptable and what was not! Maybe mine is not a fair example as we met in a neutral location to us both. Neither party was in their own comfort zone so certain scenarios would not happen.

But essentially dating an FSUW is not much different to dating at home, I was myself at all times and treated my now wife in the same way I have treated former girlfriends! I think if anything there is a small advantage in dating FSUW as you do have those early conversations before meeting, were you have the chance to learn things that you otherwise would not know. Of course, both parties have to be genuine for this to be a success.

Welcome fellow Countryman 


Give up now  as we are from our little Island and are able to do this with out a safety net 

[2tallbill]

If you meet a girl in the US or the UK, you can invite her out for dinner (or coffee or whatever). If it doesn't go well then you say goodbye and go on your merry way.

It depends as to how you date in Russia. If you know some Russian, have lots of time to spend overseas, and use local Russian sites, you can set up a date, meet the woman, and if things don't work out say goodbye.

Ras,  I totally agree with you but almost nobody can do that.
1. 99% will not be fluent in Russian
I know some Russian but not nearly enough to have a conversation you have to
be nearly fluent to work your mojo over there

2. 99% will not be able to spend lots of time overseas
Kids, family, business, school schedules, money, financial responsibilities etc. all
make it very difficult to spend a lot of time overseas.

Just my two kopecks

Bill

[Rasputin]

2. 99% will not be able to spend lots of time overseas
Kids, family, business, school schedules, money, financial responsibilities etc. all
make it very difficult to spend a lot of time overseas.

Who said life was supposed to be easy  IMHO, the closer you can get to "normal" dating the better. Better to spend some time learning Russian than spend years chasing fantasies, better to find a way to take time off work and spend more time in Russia before getting married, than spend a lot of time and money in divorce courts later.... How does that saying go "penny wise, pound foolish." The same is true of time and energy. Trying to cut corners time-wise in the short run, risks costing you a lot more time and energy in the future.

[andrewfi]

My experience is that dating women here is very different to the UK, Finland, USA and other 'western' countries. In some degree similar to my limited experience in China, Moldova and other 'non western' countries.

I'd venture to suggest that most people who are using an agency will not have experienced the core issue directly but they will be living with it on a daily basis when they get married.

The core difference is this: economic power.

I am not rich (yet) but in local terms I do pretty much OK. Business is down so I am probably in the top 5% of earners here. I'd rank higher in Russia or Ukraine. Last year was much higher.
This means that almost every woman I have any kind of relationship with will have a considerably lower income than I do. In the other places I have lived this usually did not happen. This has an impact on the whole relationship when one becoems serious, for example, if I want my girlfriend to share my life I need to pay for almost everything. A local average wage, before tax of around $800 does not leave much discretionary income. I am likley to end up buying clothes and cosmetics and likely trips to the beauty salon and that is jsut for a woman that one is dating. It is no surprise that many guys end up putting their girls on a retainer.
Of course things go further. If one is a decent bloke, no worse looking than a monkey and not inclined to beat one's girlfriend then she will often hang around for reasons other than pure love. From the man's perspective he can get away with stuff that a woman in a more equal relationship will not put up with - how do you think guys here get away with having a wife and a mistress?
If one is concerned that one's girlfriend loves one, then how does one tell when the waters are muddied by the economic imbalance? In my opinion, it is very hard to tell. Some girls one has and enjoys and one does not think about love, but others, well, one IS interested.

The odd thing is that one of the core planks of agency deception and misdirection is the idea that women hereabouts are somehow like women were in 1950's USA- Oddly enough, if one looks at history this has some truth! Back then women were roughly as unequal economically and socially as here now and many of the same rules and standards apply. When I talk with my mother and father of their dating days back in the 50's they tell me of attitudes and practices not far removed from here.
In Estonia things ARE changing because the country is getting more wealthy, recently we are going through setbacks and one can see the effects in terms of how relationships and attitudes are moving a step backward. For some guys this is a godsend, for me, it makes me very sad.

[skiingandrunning]

From my viewpoint, if you are looking at just the interpersonal perspective, then I think it's very similar.  In the most basic sense it's still boy meets girl and all the little things that goes into attraction and getting to know the person are the same.

Now from a cultural and even Geopolitical perspective it's much more complicated.  You are dealing with communication issues you would not have at home, you are dealing with cultural issues you probably don't have at home, you are dealing with a set of agendas that might be totally different from home (e.g. the emphasis on securing an economic lifeline is probably much more important to most FSUW, though probably not always admitted, as explained to me by my last FSU girlfriend).  Then you have the distance, limits in vacation, and potential visa problems for the FSUW to come see you that compresses the timeframe to make a decision and maybe leading you to miss a few red flags.    So on these factors, which also inflate the monetary cost, it's nothing like dating someone from home.   

I have talked about this issue with a few acquaintances I know who were thinking about the MOB adventure and in each case I pretty much advised against it if you do any honest risk vs. benefit analysis with the exception of those who feel comfortable with making a serious decision with somewhat limited information (always a fact in life, just more so here) or if you are really ready for the adventures and can both financially and emotionally absorb a few setbacks along the way.

[Bruce Lee]

Hi, I don't totally disagree with you, however buying an instructional manual does not completely protect us from making the really simple errors of judgment that I'm sure most experienced guys here have made.

The book isn't an instruction manual to success, I agree. But it does prevent you from making some easy to make mistakes, that could cost you your romantic interest when it shouldn't have because chemistry/compatibility is good.

For instance:
Suppose you are avoiding the most obvious pitfalls, you are enjoying your time in the FSU with your date. (as learned for free on forums/discussion groups, etc.)

The scenario: GF wants to stop by a market, to buy something completely personal (nothing to do with dating) Items Worth $0.50. (Say, a booklet to write exam-notes + 1 pencil as she is still in school).

My actions: I go with her to the market and she buys the items.

Result: She calls off the relationship totally and wont speak to me.

Again I don't totally disagree with you, personally before meeting I asked as many questions as was humanly possible before actually meeting, I always felt this would give me a good idea of what was acceptable and what was not! Maybe mine is not a fair example as we met in a neutral location to us both. Neither party was in their own comfort zone so certain scenarios would not happen.

But essentially dating an FSUW is not much different to dating at home, I was myself at all times and treated my now wife in the same way I have treated former girlfriends! I think if anything there is a small advantage in dating FSUW as you do have those early conversations before meeting, were you have the chance to learn things that you otherwise would not know. Of course, both parties have to be genuine for this to be a success.

Welcome fellow Countryman 


Give up now  as we are from our little Island and are able to do this with out a safety net 

Hi and thanks for the welcome!

In truth the most difficult part of the relationship so far, is convincing my wife that our little Island is exciting, she has already defined my town as "Slug town", in reference to the amount of Old people and lack of things to do and the pace of life. She has moved from one of the biggest cities in Russia to a tiny town on the British east coast!

P.S We have already considered moving to another location.

[Bruce Lee]

[Mod note: Split from the Russian Bride Guide topic]

But essentially dating an FSUW is not much different to dating at home, I was myself at all times and treated my now wife in the same way I have treated former girlfriends!

I think you are wrong about this.

If you meet a girl in the US or the UK, you can invite her out for dinner (or coffee or whatever). If it doesn't go well then you say goodbye and go on your merry way.

If you arrange to fly 1,000+ miles to meet a girl there is a much greater expectation on both sides, you want to be sure that you are going to pick the right one, and that you don't screw things up.

Big difference!

No sure that I totally agree, however you are correct about the distance and the importance placed upon making the correct decisions. But its only the individual that can make these choices and be honest with him/herself about the person they are corresponding with. I read so many stories on forums were one party has identified things that they 1.don't trust 2.unsure about etc, yet they still go ahead with the meeting and are surprised when it all goes wrong over the simplest little thing!

Internet dating with all respects is much easier than meeting someone for the first time in a pub or club, as I believe even the most socially inept person can prepare for a meeting in 2 months. This communication period before the first meeting gives both parties time to learn about each other and make their own choices.

Personally, the first FSUW I met was problematic, but only after the first meeting when I returned home, I learned from my mistakes, they didn't cost me a vast sum of money, as I enjoyed the time spent with her!

[markje]

The whole Russian attitude between dating is so alien compared to Dutch women, it pays off bigtime.

If you try and pay for your restaurant bill in a Dutch cafe with a random date. You will be shot down so fast its mind boggling. She expects to pay half and you pay half.

If you try and hold open the door for her, you get scolded, she isn't a weak woman and how dare you suggest she is by holding the door.

If you try some other "gentlemanly" thing , see above, either you will get shot down for suggesting she is weak and frail, or you will get shot down on "emancipation" ....

Someone once told me, my GF loves to argue and arguments. She is calm as a sea and heaven compared to most Dutch women. Its like a walk in the park on a quiet day under the moonlight compared to the femnazi... God I love her.

[1msmoby]

The whole Russian attitude between dating is so alien compared to Dutch women, it pays off bigtime.

If you try and pay for your restaurant bill in a Dutch cafe with a random date. You will be shot down so fast its mind boggling. She expects to pay half and you pay half.

If you try and hold open the door for her, you get scolded, she isn't a weak woman and how dare you suggest she is by holding the door.

If you try some other "gentlemanly" thing , see above, either you will get shot down for suggesting she is weak and frail, or you will get shot down on "emancipation" ....

Someone once told me, my GF loves to argue and arguments. She is calm as a sea and heaven compared to most Dutch women. Its like a walk in the park on a quiet day under the moonlight compared to the femnazi... God I love her.

Markje.. NOW you're talking sense..

To the OP, if you were making a statement as 'fact' .. if you wanted to provoke a reaction ... THIS is a perfect example of WHY you SHOULD find a HUGE difference.. and not just with dating..

Good Luck - if you REALLY DO believe the title thread..

[Bruce Lee]

The whole Russian attitude between dating is so alien compared to Dutch women, it pays off bigtime.

If you try and pay for your restaurant bill in a Dutch cafe with a random date. You will be shot down so fast its mind boggling. She expects to pay half and you pay half.

If you try and hold open the door for her, you get scolded, she isn't a weak woman and how dare you suggest she is by holding the door.

If you try some other "gentlemanly" thing , see above, either you will get shot down for suggesting she is weak and frail, or you will get shot down on "emancipation" ....

Someone once told me, my GF loves to argue and arguments. She is calm as a sea and heaven compared to most Dutch women. Its like a walk in the park on a quiet day under the moonlight compared to the femnazi... God I love her.

Markje.. NOW you're talking sense..

To the OP, if you were making a statement as 'fact' .. if you wanted to provoke a reaction ... THIS is a perfect example of WHY you SHOULD find a HUGE difference.. and not just with dating..

Good Luck - if you REALLY DO believe the title thread..

I assume I qualify as the OP, however I am not the person who turned this into a new thread!

Not exactly sure why you have felt the need to use BLOCK CAPITALS to enforce your point? What reaction am I supposed to be provoking, please enlighten me?

My statement is fact for my experiences but maybe not for others, and I have never passed it as anything different!

[1msmoby]

I assume I qualify as the OP

{yup!}

however I am not the person who turned this into a new thread!

 [annoying that, isn't it ]

Not exactly sure why you have felt the need to use BLOCK CAPITALS to enforce your point? What reaction am I supposed to be provoking, please enlighten me?

1/ You already answered re the block capitals..

2/ 'Reaction' as it countering the question - which seemed - to me - like a statement

My statement is fact for my experiences but maybe not for others, and I have never passed it as anything different!

Aha, so it WAS a 'statement' ( well - your opinion) .. thought so.. thanks.. So why the question mark? !


If you are British I hope you'll still feel the warm of my welcome to the board

[Bruce Lee]

I assume I qualify as the OP

{yup!}

however I am not the person who turned this into a new thread!

 [annoying that, isn't it ]

Not exactly sure why you have felt the need to use BLOCK CAPITALS to enforce your point? What reaction am I supposed to be provoking, please enlighten me?

1/ You already answered re the block capitals..

2/ 'Reaction' as it countering the question - which seemed - to me - like a statement

My statement is fact for my experiences but maybe not for others, and I have never passed it as anything different!

Aha, so it WAS a 'statement' ( well - your opinion) .. thought so.. thanks.. So why the question mark? !


If you are British I hope you'll still feel the warm of my welcome to the board

What welcome? Oh, that was supposed to be funny!
Still unsure about your point on this thread? Or are you just bored?

[1msmoby]

What welcome? Oh, that was supposed to be funny!

Er, YES....

Still unsure about your point on this thread? Or are you just bored?

Only bored of posters without a SoH..

My point .. I think your experience is not the rule .. I don't think most posters reading will find dating the same..

You are still welcome!