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Author Topic: You finally see each other... and disappointed.  (Read 9145 times)

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Offline Nessibelle

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You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« on: April 11, 2009, 01:24:48 AM »
After reading many stories about meeting in person with the "penfriends" on the Internet, I find out that there are some cases when one of them or both are completely disappointed and wish they could stop it before it was too late and much time, money, energy spent for nothing.

Did it happen to any of you? What was the reason and what did you do then?

Offline Donhollio

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2009, 01:46:01 AM »

 Nessi the boys will move it if they feel it needs to be :)

 Has it happened ?  Oh yes it has,the worst visit for me was on trip number 3. Jet lagged and completely exhausted after a bad train ride across Europe,I was never able to recover to being well rested and the first impression wasn't good at all. The following days didn't make things better either,and nothing was more painful to hear those words she told me while we were laying on the beach,  " You aren't the funny man you were on the phone."  I really liked that girl :(  So out came plan B.

 So rest up fellas,hide out in a bed for a day before you see her if needed.
 Nessi if you find a serious man who will come to visit you, try to realise that he will be tired if coming from North America,and he has spent upwards of 20-30 hours to get to you.

Offline Nessibelle

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2009, 01:57:52 AM »
Nessi if you find a serious man who will come to visit you, try to realise that he will be tired...
If it ever happens, I think after meeting in the airport I'll take him right to the hotel at once.
But will it solve the problem of feeling no chemistry between us ???


Offline Donhollio

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2009, 02:08:53 AM »
 Well Nessi you know I would come see if I said I was going to. But I like apartment living more than a hotel  :)

 Offering him to rest awhile would be a very nice jesture ( offer ) Maybe get him some fruits and water or juice, so when he is resting he can have something to eat and drink. And this way he doesn't have to try and find these simple things on his own. 
Plus it will make you look very caring in his love struck eyes :loving: 

 Will it solve the problem ? I doubt it as he has taking a long ride to see you,and even though he's tried he will most likely want to stay with you.

 I notice you are up to 83 posts already................. :scared0005:

Offline Vinnvinny

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2009, 03:11:59 AM »
It’s the reason (IMO) why WM/VM (write many/visit many) is the only sensible way to go. It doesn’t matter how many emails you’ve exchanged, photos you’ve sent each other, phone calls you’ve made you simply cannot do better than spending an hour together and ascertaining if there is any chemistry.

If a lady is offended that you might be visiting others then so be it. Your looking for a wife, not to win a popularity contest and nobody is stopping her meeting many men until she finds Mr Right.

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2009, 03:33:19 AM »

After reading many stories about meeting in person with the "penfriends" on the Internet, I find out that there are some cases when one of them or both are completely disappointed and wish they could stop it before it was too late and much time, money, energy spent for nothing.


Nessi, there are much worse cases, IMO - when both of you invest time & money to arrange the first meeting, everything seems to be fine, you discuss all the aspects of your future together, and then - when both of you are back to your homecountries - he writes "I need to stop our communication for a few days to think it over". And after these few days he writes "There was no spark in my heart for you".  :GRAVE:
Leaving Russia is not an emigration, rather an evacuation.

Offline alenika

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2009, 08:11:40 AM »
There is even worse situation - when two people spend time to date, then decide to marry, have kids and in 10-15 years one of them tells another: sorry but I don't love you, it was a mistake ;D
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Offline Paul

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2009, 08:37:58 AM »
It has always been my opinion that chemistry is something that you know you have with someone else, the moment you meet,.. but I have been told by a few women that it is something that needs time to develop  ???

Nessibelle, if a guy goes to meet you, and you discover that after spending a lot of time corresponding with him that you are not attracted to him, please do not think for one minute that you are obligated to do anything that you do not want to do (like trying to make yourself believe that things can work out).

Offline BelleZeBoob

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2009, 08:50:56 AM »
There is even worse situation - when two people spend time to date, then decide to marry, have kids and in 10-15 years one of them tells another: sorry but I don't love you, it was a mistake ;D

I wouldn't say that this situation is that bad. 10 years are a good time, and it is likely that this was not a mistake in the beginning, but people just grow apart with time. Or the situation turned out the way that those two peolpe would be better off apart. Life goes on.
Men are like Bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like Wi-Fi: she sees all available devices, but connects to the strongest one.

Offline alenika

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2009, 10:07:05 AM »
I wouldn't say that this situation is that bad. 10 years are a good time, and it is likely that this was not a mistake in the beginning, but people just grow apart with time. Or the situation turned out the way that those two peolpe would be better off apart. Life goes on.
Yes, life goes on. What I wanted to say though is that it's not virtuality which makes to mistake about someone, to see them as they are not. The same happens in life and it is possible to live with someone for 10-15 years and to realise that lived with a stranger. This is just difficult to get to know someone. And it is not much easier in real life than in reality.
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Offline fireeater

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2009, 10:20:58 AM »
I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.   :)

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens   :)





Offline Boris

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2009, 11:26:32 AM »
I think some of the problem in being disappointed is that the two parties involved did not take the time, to really think about this. Has nothing to do with the communication, or length of time. But to really think that you are going half way around the world to date each other.

If you are going to see many, it may or may not work for any. Therefore no disappointment since, you should not expect anything to come of it, other then maybe a start, from that point. If you are seeing many then only interest is around, no different then dating local women.   :)

If you are going to see one only, then both need to look deep inside thenselves. To ensure they both feel this would be more then just a start, but a confirmation of what they already believe to be fact. If one fails to do this then the relationship has a greater chance of failing.

Chemistry is a great word for whether it fails or not, but I also think it can be around long before a physical contact happens   :)






FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with. She seemed to be everything I was looking for. And when we met? I felt nothing. Zip. I tried. It just can't be manufactured through letters and telephone calls. Then on the same trip through a random last-minute introduction I met Svetlana and we had huge earth shattering chemistry from the first moment we met. That is a whole other very sad story.

Offline alenika

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2009, 11:34:20 AM »
FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with.
It cannot be the same for all people.. Some people can have physical attraction before meeting and are not mistaked of this. Others -they are mistaken in how they imagine people before meeting. It depends on the person. Btw based on fireeater pm discussion it seems he is the one who tries to see people who they are, first visual impression of someone doesn't overwhelm him and doesn't make to imagine things. At least I hope that for him this way can work.
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Offline Boris

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2009, 11:45:58 AM »
FE, I am also a romantic and I admire the sentiment posted above but I worry that you are setting yourself for a huge fall. On my first trip I went to meet someone that I had extensive communication with.
It cannot be the same for all people.. Some people can have physical attraction before meeting and are not mistaked of this. Others -they are mistaken in how they imagine people before meeting. It depends on the person. Btw based on fireeater pm discussion it seems he is the one who tries to see people who they are, first visual impression of someone doesn't overwhelm him and doesn't make to imagine things. At least I hope that for him this way can work.

I hope so too, Alenika. With Natasha it was a balance of her directness and honesty in communication that attracted me to her. As I have posted elsewhere I was almost overwhelmed by her physical beauty and presence when we met. But she was the same honest, direct and patient woman that I had been writing and talking to all along.

Offline Rasputin

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Re: You finally see each other... and disappointed.
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2009, 11:51:07 AM »
If it ever happens, I think after meeting in the airport I'll take him right to the hotel at once.
But will it solve the problem of feeling no chemistry between us ???

Chemistry happens, or it doesn't. I fell quite hard for one woman, but it was not reciprocal. It was pretty hellish. Would have been better to cut and run immediately. However, after her, I met my wife, and I am very happy that things did not work our  :bow: IMO, better to be honest.
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