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Author Topic: Older Men Fathering Children  (Read 9554 times)

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Offline fireeater

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Older Men Fathering Children
« on: March 23, 2009, 06:51:33 AM »
The other side of the large age gap issue......

For those who wish a family (meaning children) but are older, not a problem.

For those who do not wish to have any more children, are men being a realist when looking for a younger women. Whether she says she does not want any, at the time, women can change their minds about this at any time, regardless of their age. Let them see a new born baby and thoughts turn to this very quickly.

But considering in most large age gaps, the woman will probably have never had any, is it a man's delusion she will never want one in the future.

So the issue comes down to whether the man is willing to please his wife, if she changes her mind about having a child later. Regardless of any other issues, if one does want it and the other does not, you will have problems that may not be able to be reconciled.

So are men not facing reality for this, or deluding themselves that it may never come up as the years go by.   

 
 

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2009, 06:59:13 AM »
So the issue comes down to whether the man is willing to please his wife, if she changes her mind about having a child later.

The man may be willing but his health certainly could complicate matters. A woman might hesitate to have a child with a man who is is of poor health and she having to be both nurse and nanny.
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Offline fireeater

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« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2009, 07:21:47 AM »
So the issue comes down to whether the man is willing to please his wife, if she changes her mind about having a child later.

The man may be willing but his health certainly could complicate matters. A woman might hesitate to have a child with a man who is is of poor health and she having to be both nurse and nanny.

The can always be a reason, she decides not to have it with him, or have any more then she already has..

But I am talking in general, about just the issue, that you did marry, and if you do love her, then are we deluding oursevles into thinking it will never come up.

Even a stronger possibility when you talk larger age gaps. The maternal instinct in women is much higher, and for most having one or more is something they usually will desire at some point.

This has nothing to do with what just occurred. In my opinion if your truly love her, then the answer is she gets whats she wishes for this. Any man marrying should be prepared that this may ocurr or not. Even to the point of having one, she decides no more, then even changing her mind again.

A marriage is not just one person wishes, but two peoples now.  :)

 



Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2009, 07:40:38 AM »
But I am talking in general, about just the issue, that you did marry, and if you do love her, then are we deluding oursevles into thinking it will never come up.

Well, there are other ways of deluding oneself. Some men, based on what I have read, have convinced themselves that they will become fathers in their sixties and seventies if need be and will point to their 110-year old mother, grandfather, whomever as proof that they have many decades of healthy life ahead of them  :evilgrin0002:
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Offline Simoni

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« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2009, 07:58:03 AM »
People should not delude themselves about lifespan. The opposite of your example can be true, Rasputin.

Consider this couple: He was 11 years older than her.   That is too much an age difference when you consider that women live longer than men...

Natascha Richardson died last week at age 45.  Her husband, Liam Neeson, lives on at age 56.

The key is the relationship, not the ages of the two.

Life can be short; enjoy each and every day.
And I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2009, 08:01:48 AM »
People should not delude themselves about lifespan. The opposite of your example can be true, Rasputin.

There are always exceptions, but insurance companies hire actuarians to better understand the odds of an event happening for a reason ;)
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Offline Vinnvinny

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« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2009, 08:25:34 AM »
People should not delude themselves about lifespan. The opposite of your example can be true, Rasputin.

Consider this couple: He was 11 years older than her.   That is too much an age difference when you consider that women live longer than men...

Natascha Richardson died last week at age 45.  Her husband, Liam Neeson, lives on at age 56.

The key is the relationship, not the ages of the two.

Life can be short; enjoy each and every day.

Well said Simoni.

Jade Goody (minor UK 'celeb') died yesterday at age 27.  Her husband, Jack Tweed, lives on at age 21.

Probably best that no one gets on a plane anymore as 100% of passengers who have died in air crashes took a calculated risk. Car's are not a good bet either nor being alive because we all know how that ends up.

Offline Simoni

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« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2009, 08:26:01 AM »
People should not delude themselves about lifespan. The opposite of your example can be true, Rasputin.

There are always exceptions, but insurance companies hire actuarians to better understand the odds of an event happening for a reason ;)

But the "n" is one when it applies to you....or your spouse.
And I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2009, 08:27:54 AM »
Probably best that no one gets on a plane anymore as 100% of passengers who have died in air crashes took a calculated risk. Car's are not a good bet either nor being alive because we all know how that ends up.

Well, humans IMO are not very good at understanding risk. They fear planes, when the odds of dying in a car crash are much, much, much higher.
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Offline fireeater

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« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2009, 08:42:23 AM »
People should not delude themselves about lifespan. The opposite of your example can be true, Rasputin.

Consider this couple: He was 11 years older than her.   That is too much an age difference when you consider that women live longer than men...

Natascha Richardson died last week at age 45.  Her husband, Liam Neeson, lives on at age 56.

The key is the relationship, not the ages of the two.

Life can be short; enjoy each and every day.

We have been following that one here, A simple skiing accident while learning to ski without a helmet. Accident in Quebec, husband was filming his latest picture here in Toronto at the time.

So life can be short, as well there is no guarantee that you will still be alive tommorrow. You just hope you are, and live as if you will be.  :)




 

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2009, 08:46:32 AM »
So life can be short, as well there is no guarantee that you will still be alive tommorrow. You just hope you are, and live as if you will be.  :)

True, but the 99-year-old better hope harder than the 29-year-old  :-X
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Offline fireeater

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« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2009, 08:58:08 AM »
But I am talking in general, about just the issue, that you did marry, and if you do love her, then are we deluding oursevles into thinking it will never come up.

Well, there are other ways of deluding oneself. Some men, based on what I have read, have convinced themselves that they will become fathers in their sixties and seventies if need be and will point to their 110-year old mother, grandfather, whomever as proof that they have many decades of healthy life ahead of them  :evilgrin0002:

Well considering my parents married later in life and started having children, in what some may consider at the cusp for this. It does not neccessary mean one can not be a father, even when older, or a mother.

My mother decide when to stop, due to his age was her reason. Those statistics you point out. She was also a registered nurse so she knew all the reasons.

Yet today regrets her descion not to have more children.

Seems statistics and what can happen in real life sometiimes do not work out, and if you live you life accordingly to them, you can be dissapointed later.  

But the issue is whether if your wife decides she does want more, if the man deludes himself into thinking this will never happen. And if he is prepared to make her wishes come true if she does. And just throw her away since she changed her mind.    :-\


Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2009, 09:11:16 AM »
But the issue is whether if your wife decides she does want more, if the man deludes himself into thinking this will never happen. And if he is prepared to make her wishes come true if she does. And just throw her away since she changed her mind.    :-\

I personally would feel sorry for the children of parents who decide to have children in their sixties and seventies (now a possibility for men and women). Why would you want to have a child when the odds are good that you will be dead before they finish high school?

I have to say that my wife and I want to have children, but that I want to have my last child before the age of 45. I could not imagine myself having a child in my mid-sixties. Call me ageist if you will, but I will call it being a realist  :evilgrin0002:
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Offline Simoni

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« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2009, 09:27:38 AM »
But the issue is whether if your wife decides she does want more, if the man deludes himself into thinking this will never happen. And if he is prepared to make her wishes come true if she does. And just throw her away since she changed her mind.    :-\

I personally would feel sorry for the children of parents who decide to have children in their sixties and seventies (now a possibility for men and women). Why would you want to have a child when the odds are good that you will be dead before they finish high school?

I have to say that my wife and I want to have children, but that I want to have my last child before the age of 45. I could not imagine myself having a child in my mid-sixties. Call me ageist if you will, but I will call it being a realist  :evilgrin0002:

I'm glad you were not my grandfather!  He was in his 50s when my mother was born!   He was a wonderful father to her for many years.
I agree that mid-sixities is extreme, but Raspin, if you have a child at 52, let's say, the child will be off to college to live in another city when she/he is 18, and you will be 70.    I live in Florida, where most of the guys on the golf course are in their 70s and 80s.   

Go for it :-)
And I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2009, 09:35:25 AM »
I'm glad you were not my grandfather!  He was in his 50s when my mother was born!   He was a wonderful father to her for many years.
I agree that mid-sixities is extreme, but Raspin, if you have a child at 52, lets' say, the child will be off to college to live in another city when she/he is 18, and you will be 70.    I live in Florida, where most of the guys on the golf course are in their 70s and 80s.   

Early fifties for me would be as far as I would want to push the envelope. Anything older would be too much IMHO. Does the 70 or 80-year-old really want to be a full-time father to a 10-year-old? Is he really capable enough to be a father and actively participate in their life? This is a wonderful age to be a grandparent (if you are luck to be alive and healthy), but not a father IMHO.
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Offline Simoni

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« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2009, 09:50:26 AM »
I agree.  Let's keep it in the 50s.  But having said that, a 50 year old dad has much to offer over a 27 year old father.
Yesterday I heard the comment "You only become old when your dreams turn to regrets."

I think when a man decides he is old, he becomes old.   That is a shame.  There is lots of living and excitement in life past 40.  So live it to the fullest, and don't shut the engine down to fast...
And I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Offline mendeleyev

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« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2009, 09:53:18 AM »
I was very fortunate in that my Dad was 54 and I was the oldest to come along. My parents had been single until they met, carried on an 18 month mail courtship as the distance from Kentucky to Virginia back then was days and not hours due to lack of roads.  He lived to 94 and was a great father, Mom passed on 6 months after him.  Their age difference was 14 years but in that time period of the 1950s, there were not as many differences decade to decade.

Nevertheless I don't recommend large age differences for reasons already pointed out. Its a risky roll of the dice.

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2009, 10:03:07 AM »
I think when a man decides he is old, he becomes old. 

Perhaps, but a 90-year-old is old no matter how "young" he decides he wants to be  :-X Time does take its toll, and the best we can do is slow down its effects.
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Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2009, 10:07:19 AM »
As I write, I am sitting at a cafe. Across from me, is a table of aged gentlemen (late sixties/seventies). One says to the other, "I heard that your buddy passed away." Quite matter-of-fact, then the conversation continued....
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Offline Simoni

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« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2009, 10:29:11 AM »
I see.

It is a matter of perspective.

To me, 60s (even late),  is NOT aged.

But then again, I live in Florida where most people seem to be 70 or above.

My wife is amazed at how good people look here-- she thinks it is the climate.  I think it is the life style.
And I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2009, 10:43:23 AM »
But then again, I live in Florida where most people seem to be 70 or above.

My wife is amazed at how good people look here-- she thinks it is the climate.  I think it is the life style.

I would call it geographical selection. Healthy seniors with money buy condos in Florida. The others grow old and die home and those who are no longer healthy enough to stay in their condos in Florida are transferred to other locations and won't be on the golf courses.
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Offline fireeater

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« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2009, 11:27:01 AM »
But then again, I live in Florida where most people seem to be 70 or above.

My wife is amazed at how good people look here-- she thinks it is the climate.  I think it is the life style.

I would call it geographical selection. Healthy seniors with money buy condos in Florida. The others grow old and die home and those who are no longer healthy enough to stay in their condos in Florida are transferred to other locations and won't be on the golf courses.

I have to agree with Simoni. It is the lifestyle you choose to live that keeps you going, until at least the body fails near the end, as it will with all of us.

My mother is 87, and no one believes it when they meet her. She looks younger then she is for all her life. She drives her own car, shops, travels, and has her own activities with ladies around her own age (on either side of it). Age is catching up, so bowling is out, but does not mean you should wait for the grim reaper to arrive either.

Lifestyle and how you view life is far more important then your age. But then even  35 year old man can drop dead with a heart attack, if he over does what he is doing.    :)

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2009, 11:31:58 AM »
My mother is 87, and no one believes it when they meet her. She looks younger then she is for all her life.

I do wish your mother a long and healthy life. However, I have known many wonderful women, women that I knew from Church, who like your mother were full of health in their seventies or eighties. Sadly, a few had strokes and their lives changed forever. They never were the women they were.

Deny all you will, but the fact is that the odds are much, much greater for the 70-year-old to die of a heart attack or be struck down by a stroke than the 35-year-old man.
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Offline fireeater

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« Reply #23 on: March 23, 2009, 12:14:36 PM »
My mother is 87, and no one believes it when they meet her. She looks younger then she is for all her life.

I do wish your mother a long and healthy life. However, I have known many wonderful women, women that I knew from Church, who like your mother were full of health in their seventies or eighties. Sadly, a few had strokes and their lives changed forever. They never were the women they were.

Deny all you will, but the fact is that the odds are much, much greater for the 70-year-old to die of a heart attack or be struck down by a stroke than the 35-year-old man.

A seventy year old person knows their limits, where a 35 year old still thinks he has none.  :popcorn:

Surprising it is that age group that dies when shoveling snow more then the elder ones do.  They think their body has no limits yet.  :chuckle:

I would put that age much higher, mid 80's before I would say someone has a possibility of the body failing. But if at only 70, then my ex-father in law was stupid to remarry at 75, since he should be died by now, or at least on his death bed. Since his age (according to you) would not allow sex without a heart attack ocurring, strange he is still moving around, travelling, lawn bowling etc.



 

Offline Rasputin

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« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2009, 12:22:07 PM »
Surprising it is that age group that dies when shoveling snow more then the elder ones do.  They think their body has no limits yet.  :chuckle:

How old are you? Trust me, I am already starting to feel that my body has its limits at 40. Also, what exactly are you basing the idea that it is "this age group that dies when shoveling snow"?

Quote
I would put that age much higher, mid 80's before I would say someone has a possibility of the body failing. But if at only 70, then my ex-father in law was stupid to remarry at 75, since he should be died by now, or at least on his death bed. Since his age (according to you) would not allow sex without a heart attack ocurring, strange he is still moving around, travelling, lawn bowling etc.

No, I would not say it was stupid for him to remarry. If he married a 20-year-old and was planning on having a child, then I would say it would be idiotic.



 
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