finding out whom she really is...

[NS1]

John, Sounds like you got the bad end of the deal. I agree with Brass and it seems there is only one way forward.
Let it go, deal with it and move, easy to write harder to do.

This site has many good stories for you to read. Spend some time reading it will help you through this.
If you decide to do it again, it will give you much of what you need to succeed.

[vendelo]

1. She has other male friends in your area?
2. She friended other American men at the same time period she friended you?
3. The two older men are FB friends?

Vendelo, I dont think analyzing FB page or FB friends list solves anything or gives any insights here.

MissA,

I have noticed a couple of strange things with the lady.

First, I thought it is quite strange that she initiated contact by sending a Facebook friend request to John. How did she discover his Facebook? Or perhaps she sought out single men in New York City?

Secondly, her mother and brother were already living near John, a fact that she wouldn't reveal to him later when he visited her. I understand she has an odd relationship with them so maybe that's why she didn't mention them to John at the beginning. Or perhaps she had a plan to find a guy in New York City that would eventually bring her over?

Maybe John was not the only American she had friend-requested? Maybe there's a few American and Canadian men that she  friended at the same time she friended John. If this is true, then it might reveal that she had a plan to "sucker" some American or Canadian guy to bring her over.

[thought4mass]

Thank you all for reading this and sharing your opinions. I have come to these conclusions:
She never really loved me in the first place and maybe i was just used as a handy man during the initial arrival and first few months here. Indeed she does seem to have some kind of experience, even though she took a pole dancing class here in new york, but quit because too many blisters on her hand. Again, i was surprised the relationship went as it did near the end, and the decisions she had made being she is 36 and with 2 children one whom is a teen and the other whom is near being one. As far as being alone in a far off land, she was not. She had me. We both agreed early in the relationship, that we were going to make it together as a team and face all difficulties as a team. I was to blinded by my onesided love for her to even notice she never loved me and things were going south.

Take note: Her mother petitioned for her to immigrate to the U.S. and thats how she arrived here. This paperwork was started when she was 13 years old and had to be amended when she wished to add her children to the petition. And all was not done and approved until last year. I was told this type of petition takes years to be approved. For vendelo:) Most of the friends on her facebook page were office co workers, women and a few men she worked with on a daily basis. All were native lithuanian. No americans or other foreign men were on it. If i am to believe her, she had befriended no other american men, just the two older canadiens. She knew them months before meeting me. How or by what means she met them online i do not know. She seems to go for much older men when it comes to asking advice or needing emotional and financial stability. And they were not FB friends. When we first met i lived in Orlando, Florida. We ended up in new york because my job took me there, and it just so happened she had to fly into new york because of her mother and brothers petition.

After all of this happened, it made me even more curious as to the background and past history of this woman. I wished to learn more. Things like how she learned english so well, What were the real reasons behind her divorce from her lithuanian/ukrainian husband, and so forth. She always hated when my "intuition' came about and i questioned her about some things during the last 3 months we were together. I bite the urge to find out more things about her, but whats the point as the relationship is over. She is very upset that i found out these things about the men, her true character and such. And thats why she says we could never be together again. Because i went to deep into her "personal life". She claims all women should have their secrets. Also she believes in "Rieki" and follows it seriously. But some of the things she quotes about it seem strange. For instance:  According to her "Rieki" states that people come into your life for a specific reason at a specific time. After gaining knowledge or whatever use they can give you, then they or you should let them pass out of your life.

As it stands now she has a 950.00 dollar a month apartment rental bill. Plus electric, gas and cable. She only works dancing thursday thru saturday. She told me she makes about 150 to 250 a night depending on the crowd and other "things". She seems to be able to cover this by dancing 12 nights out of the month.  She did not want to discuss other "things" but im sure you know what i mean. For christmas one of the canadians sent her 500.00 dollars as a gift. Keep in mind supposedly they never met in person. Only communicate thru skype and email. During happier times we spent a lot of it together. And if she would do something out of the ordinary, her son for some reason always told me. He was the one whom told me during the last 3 months we were together, when she first went out late at night to "work". He also was the one whom told me she joined match.com. To which she lied and said she used to be on it when she was in lithuania, but in fact her profile is there now, and shows she joined in septmeber of last year after arriving in the U.S. At this point i feel she is definately done with me and has no more use for me. So i dont think ill see her coming to my doorstep anytime soon if at all but thanks Brass. Hope i answered everyones questions and writing about it does seem to help. John

[AvHdB]

John, My opinion is that the writing helps but really is cathartic is reading your own words and what other interpert them as. Some posters write allot and others little but it helps you understand where the train left the tracks.  AvHdB

[TomT]

According to her "Rieki" states that people come into your life for a specific reason at a specific time. After gaining knowledge or whatever use they can give you, then they or you should let them pass out of your life.

Sociopaths often find creative ways to rationalize using people. I could write a book about this disorder but the key features are that they have no empathy, no remorse and develop no feelings of attachment to anyone. Unfortunately, the most successful ones can be very superficially charming and seductive.

[NS1]

Yes I have dealt with Sociopaths in the past the also likely have a level of narcissistic tendencies.
Fooling people becomes second nature and easy for such people.
Most people have no idea of the skill levels of these people and their capabilities.

The upside is it can be treated and for the most part solved, not easy nor quick. but like an alcoholic  only if they
admit it and wish to be helped, otherwise forget it.

[Muzh_1]

Umm.

John, why are you not addressing the people asking you questions?

 

[thought4mass]

In my last  2 posts i thought i covered everyone's questions pretty well:) again the way i posted may not be right as i am new at this site and still getting the hang of it. But im sure if you read all i wrote youll see the answers to al the questions. I addressed Vendelo regarding his and without calling out the others names, i just tried to answer all the questions i got and hoped those whom asked questions whould see their answer to it or them in my last 2 posts. I read all comments throughly and i'm almost sure i covered all the questions in them:) And i have expressed that i welcome questions so ill also be sure to answer them ..All I may not reply to all of you one to one, but ill answer all questions in posts that are generalized. John

[AvHdB]

John,

I suspect the majority have a pretty good picture.

While I tend to doubt unique would apply to your story it is among the more unusual. Trust me there are weirder!

There is something that is not unusual but stands out is the remaining in little Odessa (Brighton Beach) she felt comfortable there and was not looking for a real American expeirence. There is on RUA a different thread over can you thrive in a foreign country with out entering the mainstream. Interesting to consider this as we read what you have written.

The real question you want to ask your self (and in my opinion) there is no correct answer do you want to pursue a woman from the former Soviet Union?

AvHdB

[welder]

John it's been an interesting read.

Muzh, must have missed your questions.

[thought4mass]

I definately have not given up looking for a companion for life from the FSU. I dont have much experience doing this as you have recently read lol:) And i hear worse stories about russian women. My Ex was Ukrainian but lived in Lithuania from age 13. But ill try again and for welder i definately did not see myself writing about my break up. I dont think she is a sociopath, but rather she had to do some things at the end of her first marriage to survive and care for 2 children, and she made choices then that effect her to this day. ..John

[rosco]

According to her "Rieki" states that people come into your life for a specific reason at a specific time. After gaining knowledge or whatever use they can give you, then they or you should let them pass out of your life.

Sociopaths often find creative ways to rationalize using people. I could write a book about this disorder but the key features are that they have no empathy, no remorse and develop no feelings of attachment to anyone. Unfortunately, the most successful ones can be very superficially charming and seductive.

I just read a good book on this very subject; The psychopath test by Jon Robinson. Slightly irrelevant but its a great read. It's made me look at people in a different way and what's more scary is that many key figures who pull the strings in society share these traits.

[TomT]

John,

You may be confusing Sociopathy with Psychopathy.

In the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Sociopathy and Psychopathy have become subsets of Antisocial Personality Disorder. It was probably the result of an attempt of axis-lovers to have their very own Periodic Table. Unfortunately, merging them into one disregards a key difference between the two: one group does things for their own benefit because they don't care; the other does things because they enjoy the pain that they inflict; whether or not it is to their benefit is unimportant to them.


p.s.

Europe has a different system for cubbyholing whackjobs so much of what I'm writing may differ from what those on the Continent have read.

[Slumba]

According to her "Rieki" states that people come into your life for a specific reason at a specific time. After gaining knowledge or whatever use they can give you, then they or you should let them pass out of your life.

Sociopaths often find creative ways to rationalize using people. I could write a book about this disorder but the key features are that they have no empathy, no remorse and develop no feelings of attachment to anyone. Unfortunately, the most successful ones can be very superficially charming and seductive.

I just read a good book on this very subject; The psychopath test by Jon Robinson. Slightly irrelevant but its a great read. It's made me look at people in a different way and what's more scary is that many key figures who pull the strings in society share these traits.

You may also want to look at a book called "Political Ponerology".

[sharonhaber00]

Hello John

I read your story.

Can be that your ex girlfriend is a scammer who used you for the purpose of emigration?

http://www.womenrussia.com/immigration_scams/

Do you identify some similar indications and/or red flags according this article? (for example: did she faked attraction? how was the intimacy, if was at all?)