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View from a married guy

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Muzh_1:
The attached was written by a good friend in response to the Moscow Times article "Why many Russians feel they are nothing" and he gave me permission to post it here. I'm trying to get him to sign up with this forum but at the time he is busy.

I read the article. It's depressing. What a shame.... I met many people on my trips, the young ones seemed to be more alive. Most of the older ones did seem to appreciate the small things in life. A few were dreary.

As an outsider it's hard for me to imagine a whole nation like this, but I can understand it might affect some percentage of the population. The questions are: what percentage? and how does a WM rule out an otherwise great lady who may be infected deep in her inner core with this psychological disillusionment?

We often hear about WM/RW relationships that are going fine and then "all of the sudden" as if from out of nowhere, the RW will "act out" with previously unthinkable behavior and kill the marriage. It's as if a form of
"Marriage Seppuku" (aka "Marriage Hara-kiri" or "Marriage Suidicde") is going on. (Yes, you may give me credit... "Anonymous from RBL"  for coining the phrase in this context LOL) Anyway, we on these forums have heard about this phenomenon enough that it cannot be ignored and is a significant risk that any WM must be prepared for when he marries a FSU/W.

Some may argue that with any marriage (AM/AW for instance) the same risk exists. I beleive not. There is significant risk (approximately 50% chance of failure in any marriage in the west). But AM take on additional risk when they marry a foreign woman. This is a very small list of additional risks a WM takes on when he ventures into the FSU:

1. Intercultural Risk
2. Language / Communication Risk
3. "Stepping Stool"  "Ladder Climbing Risk"
4.  Financial Risk -

* Care for foreign Relatives
* Additional Education in the West
* Travel Expenses - "To and Fro" for the AM, the FSU/W, the children, and occasionally the parents of the bride
* Potential Extravagant Expenditures (We AM all think we are good "economists" (you can look that word up). But if we really try to instill an economic discipline (I am not talking about being cheap or frugal but working towards future goals) we are at risk of being considered "cheap" or "greedy" either by our RW wife or her RW GF's (girl friends) or her family.
* The I-864 Affidavit of Support (AM do not sign one of these when marrying a fellow citizen or "resident alien").

There are more but I'm not writing a thesis on the subject so I"ll stop there. The point is that we can love these women and it can still be a disaster. So, how to protect against that? Bob xxxxx lived there for 6 months (actually, I applaud this move and recommend it for those who "can"), but he still got burned badly. I waited 18 months to marry plus an additional 3 years to have children with my UW and thought we had a solid relationship, but still got burned badly.  I know of others who were together only a few days before deciding to get married and 8+ years later they are still happily married!

So here is the critical question:

HOW does one determine if she is the right one for him? So that in the longer term, both parties are happy and share a mutually rewarding life together. They share in the ups and downs and they help support each
other emotionally, physically, financially, etc. That there is a true spirit of love, respect, companionship? HOW does one see the red flags, know them, understand them, interpret them appropriately to avoid a problem
down the road? We all know that if you have a negative attitude and are afraid of getting bit or always looking for a scammer, you will get bit and/or find your scammer. :) .... Meaning that it is important to be open,
honest, optimistic, but not blind nor irrational in your search.

Rasputin:
My answer: don't ignore those little voices inside you and trust you intuition instead of doing what too many men and women do, rationalizing it away  :biggrin:

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