VAWA adds "U" Visas to make it E-Z for your FSU fiancee to ditch U & stay in USA

[BC]

Yes, but to be honest most women already know in their mind if they are going to ditch you ahead of time.

If so, they surely don't need to be doing what has been described by the OP here and in the other thread referenced.

Common logic says it would be easier and less risky to wait till the green card arrives in the post.

[2tallbill]

Since they did not marry, don't think there is any financial backlash involved, but even so helping somewhat to get her along her path might do him some good at the same time and help bring closure.

The OP has a history of doing the worst and stupidest thing possible and relying on
dumb luck to see him through.

Here is one tiny slice of history, 

OP is with his K-1 fiancee, he has no medical training but is able to diagnose her
as bipolar (if I remember the diagnosis correctly) decides to treat her condition
himself, then later decides he doesn't like the girl and invites another woman
to "party" (his words) and spend the night with him in the same house as his
rejected fiancee. 

While this is happening a multitude of members give him very astute and sage advice
which he ignores all of it and somehow survives due to dumb luck to begin this thread.

The OP needs to "party" with his American girl friend, stop practicing medicine and
leave FSU girls ESPECIALLY his ex fiancee alone. The next FSU girl would probably
do a Loraina Bobbet on him.

The OP won't listen to any advice except where it tells him to interject himself with
his ex fiancee and/or to feel like a victim.

BC, I am the kind of guy who believes in giving guys a dozen chances and to keep
giving them the best advice possible. This guy is way, way past a dozen (or fifty). 



You can read for yourself here
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=15405.0

[Philnatseaman]

Since they did not marry, don't think there is any financial backlash involved, but even so helping somewhat to get her along her path might do him some good at the same time and help bring closure.

The OP has a history of doing the worst and stupidest thing possible and relying on
dumb luck to see him through.

Here is one tiny slice of history, 

OP is with his K-1 fiancee, he has no medical training but is able to diagnose her
as bipolar (if I remember the diagnosis correctly) decides to treat her condition
himself, then later decides he doesn't like the girl and invites another woman
to "party" (his words) and spend the night with him in the same house as his
rejected fiancee. 

While this is happening a multitude of members give him very astute and sage advice
which he ignores all of it and somehow survives due to dumb luck to begin this thread.

The OP needs to "party" with his American girl friend, stop practicing medicine and
leave FSU girls ESPECIALLY his ex fiancee alone. The next FSU girl would probably
do a Loraina Bobbet on him.

The OP won't listen to any advice except where it tells him to interject himself with
his ex fiancee and/or to feel like a victim.

BC, I am the kind of guy who believes in giving guys a dozen chances and to keep
giving them the best advice possible. This guy is way, way past a dozen (or fifty). 



You can read for yourself here
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=15405.0

It's Borderline Personality Disorder, NOT Bipolar Disorder.  There is quite a difference.  But your poor memory/lack of fact checking seems to run through your entire post.  It seems you read what I write with a biased and dismissive mind, don't bother to check out links with supporting information.
You seem to have no interest in anything other than lobbing insults here, so why do you bother?
I stand by my opinion that she displays pervasive behaviors of Borderline Personality Disorder.
 
The first saving grace for me was that I didn't marry her.  The second saving grace was I had her removed with a Domestic Violence restraining order.  Then when she hatched her plot of false rape allegations, it made credibility a much bigger problem than if she had blindsided me.

The "other woman" came to stay with me that final night, and to go to court with me that next morning to support me in the process of obtaining a restraining order.  You have apparently never experienced a borderline personality disordered person in your close private life.  Those who have had this experience, including me, understand that it is a psychologically battering experience.  You would do well to look at the "BPD distortion campaign" link I supplied in the topic-starter post to understand this better.

And you say that I "tried to treat her myself"!!!  Good grief!!  Is that the incorrect interpretation you read in my posts?  The correct version is that I asked her to go to a screening assessment, which would be conducted by trained psychologists in my city, people who have been directly trained by Dr. Marsha Linehan, considered one of the world authorities on Borderline Personality Disorder, and who developed one of a very few therapies that have been shown helpful.  You concluded that I "tried to treat her myself?!!! Can you please read more carefully??!!!

So you are OK with mentally ill criminals making a mockery of our immigration system?  Being given a tool to jump to the front of the line over honest applicants?   Or you just wanted to take this opportunity for an extremely uneducated and sloppy attack on me?  Can you at least try to get *basic* facts correct next time you attack me?

[Philnatseaman]

Recall my story, I realized my fiancee showed all the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder within two weeks of her arrival.  She tried to manipulate me into a quick marriage (unsuccessful) instead of working on the relationship.  Her behavior got increasingly unstable and downright violent. 

The above words sort of struck me..

Hells bells.... I can imagine a woman coming on a K1 has firm expectiations of getting married? Then all of a sudden there is no rush and it turns into a 'lets work on a relationship?'..  I dunno... I think my wife would have gone nutty too, even increasingly so as the 90 days draw to a close, maybe even have me drawn and quartered with my head put atop a scarecrow body in the garden.

Not saying this was the case here, but the symptoms you describe bother me.

Sure, violence should not be tolerated, but with even your diagnosis, a good lawyer might even be able to plead temporary insanity. 

Consider the point of view from a woman:

The 'high' of a new relationship.
Great expectations of a new life.
Many months, maybe even a year or more thinking of wedding dresses, honeymoon, new home and new family.
Cutting ties with family, jobs, friends, food, TV, language, entertainment.. trading it all in for the unknown, placing every bit of trust in her chosen mate.

Then BAM....  'Lets work on a relationship instead of looking at wedding dresses and travel magazines...'
Then OMG....  'He doesn't want to marry me at all... maybe never did...'
Then thoughts of the shame of going home rejected, and the turmoil of building up from scratch again...
And on and on.....

I can only imagine what that does to one's idea of self-esteem and ego.

Personality disorder?.. hmm  I think a form of PTSD might fit better... A chance to calm down and stay for a while, maybe even meet another suitor certainly would not be an unreasonable desire.

Now if there was no marriage intent and both parties were quite clear that the 90 days were simply a dating or vacation to spend some time together then maybe some of her actions were unwarranted, but even if so the responsibility still lies with the sponsor for abusing the terms of a K visa.

If any of the above 'fits the shoe', you should think more towards supporting whatever her needs are rather than booting her to the border.  Regardless of her intent, taking the high road will likely serve you both better.

Your points about the emotional impacts of uprooting and moving are on target.  Your comments about PTSD are plausible as well, BUT I do not know enough about PTSD to tell if that applies here. 

It was actually the Russian and Ukrainian WOMEN on VisaJourney who told me her behavior was absolutely abnormal and that I should RUN the other direction.  These WOMEN told me her behaviors were not involving cultural differences and were not a normal reaction to the stresses of adjusting to a new life.

Her behaviors and everything that happened were a 100% match for Borderline Personality Disorder.  She is NOT Bipolar, which was the first suggestion offered.

You are describing the emotions and reactions of a *normal* woman.  That is not what we are dealing with here.

She told me that her own mother had her removed from her (mother's) apartment by the police.  She told me that husband #2 abandoned her in Chile when they went to live there (I later learned that husband was wanted for murder and Interpol had him extradited back to Moldova, and she then was required to return also).  Now I understand why her mother had her removed, and I understand why husband #2 bailed on her in a foreign country.
I later learned that she bribed the family court judge in to simplify getting the order to terminate parental rights for her daughter's father (not the murderer).

I do believe her plan A was to marry me and live happily ever after, but she knows herself well enough to know it would be difficult for her to maintain a stable relationship with ANY man, never mind me.  So she had Plans B and C ready to go, all of which involve screwing me over.   A quick marriage was her Super Bowl, and ticket to proceed quickly to plans B and C if plan A wasn't working so well.  She knew that the moment I married her, I'd be on the hook for around a year of spousal support at $2K per month.

She chose not to use her ticket back home and to roll the dice on getting a U visa based on false and belated allegations.

This woman is a con artist who takes advantage of the fact that most men simply do not want to believe that women like her exist.  Should we reward and enable con artists like her by having VAWA add a bunch more U visas for women who merely allege DV with no proof?

[Philnatseaman]

First, what difference does it make if she stays or not?  The immigration courts will figure it out.

Second, should it be the responsibility of the government to correct or protect the actions of their citizens? After all they were quite accommodating to your wishes to allow her entry.

Third, would forced deportation based solely on a decision of the sponsor not be considered a form of coercion in itself?  Should she not have access to the courts to resolve any disputes?

Fourth, are you a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist or are your assertions based on a professional diagnosis?

Instead of concentrating on her actions, it might be best to reflect and discover what you could have done better, and/or what your contributions to the train wreck was.  Maybe others here could learn from your experience.

Q. What difference does it make if she stays or not?  The immigration courts will figure it out.
A. Immigration Court? Are you serious? They aren't even involved.  She was approved for a "U" crime victims visa based on fabricated rape allegations that were not prosecuted.  Her backup plan for a "U" visa was to allege another man, the one who helped her, had sexually abused her daughter.  Why should a sick con artist jump to the front of the line ahead of honest and sincere people who want in to the USA?  Should our system encourage and reward this?

Q.  Second, should it be the responsibility of the government to correct or protect the actions of their citizens? After all they were quite accommodating to your wishes to allow her entry.
A. The only citizen here is me. Should government not enforce its own laws?

Q.  Third, would forced deportation based solely on a decision of the sponsor not be considered a form of coercion in itself?  Should she not have access to the courts to resolve any disputes?
A. As a K-1 sponsor, I have only one decision, whether or not to marry her.  The US government makes all the other decisions.  The only force here is that applied by the US government immigration rules and process.  I would vastly prefer that the K-1 process  allow things like an immediate work permit, drivers license (without marriage first occurring),  and provide a much longer time (e.g. at least a year, not 90 days) for the marriage to occur before "illegal" status occurs.
She had access to the courts, to defend herself against my Domestic Violence charges.  She defended herself vigorously at the hearing and was found to have committed Domestic Violence. She had access to the police to make belated false allegations against me.  The prosecutor explicitly declined to press charges.

Q. Fourth, are you a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist or are your assertions based on a professional diagnosis?
A.  I suggest you read the entire linked thread.  The short answer is that any self-respecting BPD will be clever enough to thwart any attempts at professional diagnosis.  When I asked her to participate in a professional assessment, she tried to use it as an opportunity to press for a quick marriage and promised she would do it AFTER we were married.

It seems hard for a lot of men to believe that clever, cynical con artists like her really exist. Feminized men seem to want to put women on a pedestal, assuming that all women are virtuous and pure.  Men evil, women pure.  Was Clara Harris, the female dentist who ran over and killed her husband with his daughter in the car, a "victim" somehow?
Do the words "Duke Lacrosse team" mean anything to you?

[BC]

Phil,

Extracted from a post in  your earlier thread:

Where were your blind spots?

Blind spots? I'll write a mini book on that later. For now I'll just say I excused her bad behavior as either cultural differences or simply being  extremely stressed.

I don't recall you going into your half of the deal and your efforts still seem to be towards her actions and not contributing factors you were involved in.  What purpose does that serve in your mind, especially after the last 13 page thread you started on the same topic.

How about recapping YOUR experience?  Simple stuff like how you met, how long dated, age differences if any, visits to her home, ignored red or pink flags etc etc..  The stuff that might help either yourself the 'next time round' or someone else that stumbles across this thread.

[Philnatseaman]

The USA at this point is Grifter Central; only way to keep the con going is to keep pulling in more suckers.  This is not pointed at the few FSUW who get over here, but the many illegal Hispanics who now will have a convenient backdoor to legality.

YESSSS!!  FINALLY, someone who GETS IT!!
This is about a CORRUPT SYSTEM, not so much about my situation.  Russian, Hispanic, Filipino, Chinese, it makes no difference.  In theory, male/female makes no difference (many male fiances also use the VAWA I-360 petitions, though a fraction of the female numbers)
People here seem to be perfectly OK with a corrupt system.  My ex-fiancee is simply a poster child for a U Visa system that rewards con artists.

So, let's get all the illegal latinas and latinos to allege to the cops that their girlfriend/boyfriend raped/beat them, so they can get a free "U" visa as well, and shortcut the bothersome citizenship process.  Heck, illegal-on-illegal crimes qualifies just as well as citizen-on-illegal crimes.

The U should at least require that charges be filed, and preferably require that a conviction be obtained.  Even better to require that the charges involve organized criminal activity.  Why create a "market demand" for crime victims by offering such a U visa?  We just get more con artists.

[Philnatseaman]

Phil,

Extracted from a post in  your earlier thread:

Where were your blind spots?

Blind spots? I'll write a mini book on that later. For now I'll just say I excused her bad behavior as either cultural differences or simply being  extremely stressed.

I don't recall you going into your half of the deal and your efforts still seem to be towards her actions and not contributing factors you were involved in.  What purpose does that serve in your mind, especially after the last 13 page thread you started on the same topic.

How about recapping YOUR experience?  Simple stuff like how you met, how long dated, age differences if any, visits to her home, ignored red or pink flags etc etc..  The stuff that might help either yourself the 'next time round' or someone else that stumbles across this thread.

I started this thread to discuss and publicize pending VAWA expansions in the area of U visas.  That type of recap belongs there, not here.  And a lot of it is already there, just not neatly summarized in one post.  Are you sincere in wanting such a thing, or just looking to bash me? I will assume sincere, and go briefly off topic and give a short answer: Be fortunate enough to find the RuAdventures site *first*.  Read and follow the rules in the tablets of stone. I faithfully followed rules 1-7 in the Tablets.  Rule 8 was my major downfall.

Back to VAWA expansion to add a bunch more "U" crime victim visas.  Do you think it's a good idea to basically expand the badly abused VAWA I-360 self-petition by adding another 5,000 "U" visas that can be accessed simply by unsubstantiated allegations of domestic violence?  There is already a quota of 10,000 U visas per year, and it seems no measurement or accountability of how these are being used, or even if the intended purpose of assisting law enforcement is being achieved in any way.  Is it good policy for US Govt. to create a "demand" for crime victims by offering U visas for anyone willing to lie, and able to lie in a passably convincing way?

[BC]

Phil,

Extracted from a post in  your earlier thread:

Where were your blind spots?

Blind spots? I'll write a mini book on that later. For now I'll just say I excused her bad behavior as either cultural differences or simply being  extremely stressed.

I don't recall you going into your half of the deal and your efforts still seem to be towards her actions and not contributing factors you were involved in.  What purpose does that serve in your mind, especially after the last 13 page thread you started on the same topic.

How about recapping YOUR experience?  Simple stuff like how you met, how long dated, age differences if any, visits to her home, ignored red or pink flags etc etc..  The stuff that might help either yourself the 'next time round' or someone else that stumbles across this thread.

I started this thread to discuss and publicize pending VAWA expansions in the area of U visas.  That type of recap belongs there, not here.  And a lot of it is already there, just not neatly summarized in one post.  Are you sincere in wanting such a thing, or just looking to bash me? I will assume sincere, and go briefly off topic and give a short answer: Be fortunate enough to find the RuAdventures site *first*.  Read and follow the rules in the tablets of stone. I faithfully followed rules 1-7 in the Tablets.  Rule 8 was my major downfall.

Back to VAWA expansion to add a bunch more "U" crime victim visas.  Do you think it's a good idea to basically expand the badly abused VAWA I-360 self-petition by adding another 5,000 "U" visas that can be accessed simply by unsubstantiated allegations of domestic violence?  There is already a quota of 10,000 U visas per year, and it seems no measurement or accountability of how these are being used, or even if the intended purpose of assisting law enforcement is being achieved in any way.  Is it good policy for US Govt. to create a "demand" for crime victims by offering U visas for anyone willing to lie, and able to lie in a passably convincing way?

Bash you?.. don't think I have so maybe you are confusing my posts with Bill..

So the purpose of this thread is to complain about the law?  Really all that can be done there is to accept the law or try to change it.  A more appropriate venue for change might be with your Congressmen.  Have you vented to them?  What was their reaction?  Started a petition campaign yet?

Others here have given some solid advice and that is to learn from your experience and 'move on'. 

Rule 8?  The one listed here: http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=3588.0 about a backup plan?  Didn't see the tablets anywhere else, maybe going blind.

I, and likely others would be more interested about your mistakes and what you have learned.  Those that stumble in here learn best from the mistakes of others.  Be bold.

I'll even give you the starting line...

"Ok folks, here is how I screwed up and almost ended up in a royal train wreck."

[Chemist]

Phil,
I'm not jumping on you, but the bottom line is that you sponsored a girl to immigrate to America that you did not know very well.

Now, you are complaining that she wants to stay in the USA.  What have you lost from this exchange?  Some time and a little money that you would have spent on a vacation anyways?

Unfortunately, the law isn't going to change.  Immigrants aren't familiar with our laws, justice system and due process, so it puts them in a vulnerable position to be exploited when they get here, and nobody in government wants that to happen.  So the laws get crafted to give them some rights and legal protections.  Will it be abused?  Of course.  But the alternative of an immigrant being at the mercy of an unscrupulous sponsor is even a worse outcome.

If that bothers you so much, it should encourage you to be more careful about who you sponsor in the future.

[Ste]

The K-1 visa doesn't give you an option to marry or not, it's not a trial visa, you are supposed plan your marriage and marry in the time provide in the terms of the visa.

[missAmeno]

...
I stand by my opinion that she displays pervasive behaviors of Borderline Personality Disorder.
....
Can you at least try to get *basic* facts correct next time you attack me?

There are no facts, just your side of story ... story that happened in the summer 2011 ... and you still can not let go ...
Its NOT a fact that she has BPD, its your opinion

If your intentions was to discuss a law there was no reason to bring up your story again, link to your first thread here and on visajourney.com would have been more then ehough.

[Muzh_1]

The K-1 visa doesn't give you an option to marry or not, it's not a trial visa, you are supposed plan your marriage and marry in the time provide in the terms of the visa.

You know Ste, people keep forgetting this teeny weeny bit of information. 

[Philnatseaman]

The K-1 visa doesn't give you an option to marry or not, it's not a trial visa, you are supposed plan your marriage and marry in the time provide in the terms of the visa.

As  K-1 sponsor you have 90 days to marry your fiancee.  There IS an option.  So not really sure what you are trying to say here...
Sounds like just a criticism of me for realizing what I was dealing with, and pulling the plug.  Clearly you have no idea what BPD is, and how it affects intimate relationships, just like I had no idea when this mess started...  You might read this:
http://bpd.about.com/od/understandingbpd/a/whatisbpd.htm
Also read Shakespear's story in Train Wreck area.
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=3606.0
That is what I was in for if I continued with this woman.
I learned from another guy who has nearly the exact same story as me.  He was about 9 months ahead of me, and the difference was he gave into the pressure and married his gal within days of her arrival.

Do we want more of this type of person in the USA?  Should false claims of DV jump to the front of the line, ahead of the honest people?

[Philnatseaman]

...
I stand by my opinion that she displays pervasive behaviors of Borderline Personality Disorder.
....
Can you at least try to get *basic* facts correct next time you attack me?

There are no facts, just your side of story ... story that happened in the summer 2011 ... and you still can not let go ...
Its NOT a fact that she has BPD, its your opinion

If your intentions was to discuss a law there was no reason to bring up your story again, link to your first thread here and on visajourney.com would have been more then ehough.

The FACT is that I have previously asserted that she has BPD, NOT Bipolar Disorder.  Whether you or anyone agrees, the fact is that I assert BPD, NOT Bipolar.  Can you understand that what I have asserted she has, is a FACT, and that saying I asserted she has bipolar is simply incorrect, and a basic misrepresentation of facts?  Also implying that I was going to attempt to personally "treat" her is a ludicrous interpretation. The FACTS show that I asked her to participate in a BPD assessment conducted by qualified professionals.

Can you differentiate between FACTS and your EMOTIONS about a particular area?  This is a big part of why VAWA is such a mess... attempting to substitute emotions and snap judgments for actual facts.  Emotionally, you seem to want to take the woman's side, based on snap judgments that the man must be evil and the woman must be pure and sweet and virtuous.
If we make "passing oneself off as a a crime victim" a rewarded behavior, we will get more of it.  Just like we've gotten more of all the false DV allegations, both male and female, in pursuit of the "reward" offered by the VAWA I-360 self-petition process.