Chinese and Japanese Women

[Manny]

A guy asked me recently about Chinese and Japanese women compared to FSU women. Having been to neither Japan or China, I had to confess no clue to the mindset of the women there or that culture. We did the "Russian Bride Guide"; I am not aware that anyone has done the "Chinese Bride Guide" or the "Japanese Bride Guide" or anything equivalent. I would love to read such a book (if it existed) so I could understand and learn the differences between dating in that part of Asia and dating in the FSU.

Is there a forum like "ChineseAdventures.com" out there somewhere? Random Googling says no..... but maybe I just couldn't find it.

Does anyone here have experience of these women? Let's start the discussion.........

[WestCoast]

The link is to a site that deals with the hunt for a Chinese bride.  The site is run by a married couple.  He's from Yorkshire, UK and she's from Beijing, China.  It has a small forum that is in English and Chinese.  The forum is not very active but it does offer some limited information if you know nothing about Chinese culture.  The site also offers a small number of Chinese women's and western men's profiles.

It has a download for a "Chinese Bride Guide" ebook.  I've never downloaded it and can't vouch for it but according to the list of contents on the page it would seem to be remarkably similar to Manny's "Russian Bride Guide" book.  I should caution you that the download is an .exe file.  An .exe file can do damage to your computer if it turns out to be malicious. 

http://www.asianpromise.com/find-chinese-bride.htm

Edit: I haven't looked for a "Japanese Bride Guide" type book, but a number of the expat sites dealing with life in Japan deal in a limited way with the subject.  I should also point out that there are a number of differences between dating women born and raised in Asia and women from the FSU (from what I understand from RUA and another forum). 

[Manny]

He must be OK if he is a Yorkshireman. They are known to be mean; must be why his ebook is $25   

Do I recall your ex wife was from that part of the world Westy?

[Fo]

Manny

Slander!..............Westy was married to a Yorkshire lass? I'd like to see that TR

[WestCoast]

He must be OK if he is a Yorkshireman. They are known to be mean; must be why his ebook is $25   

Do I recall your ex wife was from that part of the world Westy?

She was born and raised in Shanghai, China.

[2tallbill]

My brother met and married a Japanese girl while
in Hawaii, she actually go him to straighten up his
life. They have been married for something like 18 
years now.

[David Stone]

I married a Japanese girl 2 years back & we are happy. she is very careful about me. By observing I must say japanese girls are so lovely &attracting.

[Sam Reeves]

Hi guys,

Searching around today I came to this site; never thought I'd be posting on a Russian site actually!

Here is the 'Chinese Brides guide ebook' so to speak, I just titled it something else is all: http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com

It's also written in relation to certain attraction techniques that work particularly with Chinese women that I've learned and used after living in China for over eight years; what types you should and shouldn't marry, and how to spot them by simple things they say and do (cultural clues that a westerner wouldn't normally pick up).

As to Russian women and Chinese women and the differences, I've known a few Russian women and compared to Chinese women and they are most definitely very different. I found Russian women much closer to my own culture to be honest.

ps. If anyone has any questions about Chinese brides I'd be happy to answer.

[Larry]

As to Russian women and Chinese women and the differences, I've known a few Russian women and compared to Chinese women and they are most definitely very different. 

I'm firmly wedded to my search for a Russian wife, but I would be fascinated to hear your thoughts on the differences between Russian women and Chinese women.  I've dated several Chinese women who moved to the US but not enough to confidently discuss the differences.

[Brasscasing]

Hi guys,

Searching around today I came to this site; never thought I'd be posting on a Russian site actually!

Here is the 'Chinese Brides guide ebook' so to speak, I just titled it something else is all: http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com

It's also written in relation to certain attraction techniques that work particularly with Chinese women that I've learned and used after living in China for over eight years; what types you should and shouldn't marry, and how to spot them by simple things they say and do (cultural clues that a westerner wouldn't normally pick up).

As to Russian women and Chinese women and the differences, I've known a few Russian women and compared to Chinese women and they are most definitely very different. I found Russian women much closer to my own culture to be honest.

ps. If anyone has any questions about Chinese brides I'd be happy to answer.

Welcome aboard Sam! Normally, we have commercial members contact the forum admin to discuss arrangements regarding links and get your membergroup sorted and the like. I'll leave your post up for now, however, keep in mind active participation at RUA is a requirement for new commercial members.

Contact (username) Manny for further details and read the Links & Advertising Policy For Agencies, Guides, Translators & Service Providers

Look forward to your input.

Brass

[Manny]

$47? 

These e-books are getting more and more expensive. Perhaps the printing cost went up.........

[andrewfi]

$47? 

These e-books are getting more and more expensive. Perhaps the printing cost went up.........

Hadn't you heard? We are running out of Internets at a furious pace. At this rate there will be no unspoiled Internet sites within a decade. No surprise that making books out of Internet is getting more costly than from paper. Very often ebook writers even have to limit the number of pages in their ebooks to help preserve the last remaining Internets.

[WestCoast]

Hi guys,

Searching around today I came to this site; never thought I'd be posting on a Russian site actually!

Here is the 'Chinese Brides guide ebook' so to speak, I just titled it something else is all: http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com

It's also written in relation to certain attraction techniques that work particularly with Chinese women that I've learned and used after living in China for over eight years; what types you should and shouldn't marry, and how to spot them by simple things they say and do (cultural clues that a westerner wouldn't normally pick up).

As to Russian women and Chinese women and the differences, I've known a few Russian women and compared to Chinese women and they are most definitely very different. I found Russian women much closer to my own culture to be honest.

ps. If anyone has any questions about Chinese brides I'd be happy to answer.

Sam, hello and welcome to RUA.  My ex was born and raised in Shanghai, she came to Canada to attend university and ended up staying to make a life in Canada.  I met her in Canada and we lived together for a number of years and I still actively socialize with her. I've been to China many times over the years, as well as Taiwan and Singapore several times each.  Reading your "Seven Secrets every man should know before dating or marrying a Chinese woman" I find that you've left out a couple of important factors. 

First probably one of the most important things I've discovered about Chinese women is for them to have their parents approval of their future husband.  This approval can range from a literal "yes or no" by the parents to a simple acceptance of the man in their house and at their dinner table.  For the non sinophiles, sharing a meal in the parent's house is sometimes considered an act of acceptance by the parents. 

Another important factor that your "Seven secrets" doesn't mention is that some Chinese, especially the older generation, are still quite xenophobic.  My ex's mother hates me simply because I am white.   She doesn't want her daughter involved with a white man, which is sort of ironic because one of her husband's parents is Asian but not Han Chinese.   When I met her for the first time I learned some new Chinese swear words her language was that extreme.  Her father on the other hand could care less, he's actually a great guy, we go golfing whenever he's in town. 

Another factor that I've learned about Chinese women and most Asian women is a desire for their future husband to learn their language.  He doesn't have to be fluent but he should be able to carry on a conversation.  When I met my ex I was already learning Mandarin, after all I live in Vancouver which has a high percentage of Chinese immigrants so speaking Mandarin is something like a good form of self defence.    Socializing and living with my ex improved my Mandarin language skills greatly, it was like a form of immersion in the language and culture.   Many times my ex would come home from work, she's a lawyer, and I'd never hear a word of English. 

Finally you should really point out the differences between Chinese women who were born and raised in China and those Chinese women who were born and raised in the west, there can be quite a difference.  Even a first generation Chinese woman born in the USA or Canada can be very different in her attitudes towards men and marriage than her counterpart born in China.  Most second and third generation Chinese women are more western in their thinking than they are Chinese.   

[cufflinks]

Having lived in Honolulu for a couple years - the cross roads of the pacific - I do have some expertise on the topic.  Japanese tourism floats the Island economy and both US Senators are Japanese Americans, Koreans, Chinese and Filipinos with some Thais make up at least 1/3 of the Islands population, 1/3 Islanders and 1/3 Caucasians (Howlies). 

LOL a friend from Moscow once said most westerners assume with Blonde hair and blues eyes the Russians are also westerners - you are wrong - they drove the descendants of Genghis Kahn back to their homelands and took over all of Asian Russia - they think and act just like Sun Tsu - even to the concept of "face" - both saving and not losing Face is a big deal.

The Koreans and Japanese are most skilled at pleasing their men - with the one child Policy in China there is a young male surplus and young female shortage - due largely to female infanticide - whealthy families in China arrange marriages for their sons with other prominent families daughters at a very early age - so China doll dating sites almost always MOB scams.

A friend's brother was a GE executive in China for years, he met and married a daughter of an Auto parts injection moulding factory owner (works for Audi etc) in Mainland china... his brother met her there and moved her back here to the USA and when he needed a gall bladder operation for about $40K here total - her family had it done at a spanking new hospital near Shanghai for $2800 which her family paid.  Multi USD millionaires but severe restrictions on getting their money out - so she takes USA cash from Chinese here and her family gives Yuan to their relatives in mainland China and that is how they accumulate off shore dollar reserves here.

"Relaxation Spas" in Honolulu the most fun a man can "legally" have on this earth without being ripped off.

[Manny]

Actually, having just read Sam's sales page, it is quite well-written.

Sam, it doesn't mention it on your sales copy, what percentage of those women speak English would you say?

[cufflinks]

Interesting Article:

The dramatic changes that China has undergone in the past few decades and how its focus in world affairs has shifted:
 
In the 1950s, schoolchildren had to learn Russian to get ahead, while in the Cultural Revolution of the 1960s, it was safer to speak no foreign language at all rather than risk retribution under Chairman Mao’s rule.
 
According to China Daily, Beijing isn’t the only city in which the government is pushing its citizens to learn English.  The city of Shanghai just started an 8-year-long program to help its officials become proficient in English. X’ian is also planning to encourage residents to learn English. Local resident Wang Ninguang told China Daily:
 
“English is becoming the second language in China. It’s good to have more people who speak English in the metropolis for their ability to communicate internationally."

[Sam Reeves]

Welcome aboard Sam! Normally, we have commercial members contact the forum admin to discuss arrangements regarding links and get your membergroup sorted and the like. I'll leave your post up for now, however, keep in mind active participation at RUA is a requirement for new commercial members.

Contact (username) Manny for further details and read the Links & Advertising Policy For Agencies, Guides, Translators & Service Providers

Look forward to your input.

Brass

Sorry about that Brass, will do.

Thanks

[Sam Reeves]

As to Russian women and Chinese women and the differences, I've known a few Russian women and compared to Chinese women and they are most definitely very different. 

I'm firmly wedded to my search for a Russian wife, but I would be fascinated to hear your thoughts on the differences between Russian women and Chinese women.  I've dated several Chinese women who moved to the US but not enough to confidently discuss the differences.

Hi Larry,

Well first off I should say this Larry, I've only dated some Russian women briefly, but have had long-term friendships with a few Russian females and males. I've found Russian women much easier to get on with and understand (character and culture) than Chinese women, at least by comparison.

I say that only because from a logic point of view I've never had a problem understanding a Russians (male or female) point of view or thought process, as it was similar to my own. Chinese women however, and the people in general are quite different.

The language is subjective as is their thought process, whereas most of us westerners are objective in our own languages and thought process.

 For example, ask me what I am doing and I will reply by telling you specifically "I'm typing on a forum", however ask a Chinese person who is doing the same thing and almost any subjective answer is acceptable, for example "I'm busy", "I'm having fun" or even "the usual".

The above can create a problems in communication as then a western male may think his gf or potential Chinese bride is being obtuse and has something to hide; yet this is not necessarily the case. I've never had that problem with Russian people, or other countries people for that matter. This one issue really can create some difficulties.

There are many other issues too that keep cropping up again and again with western males and Chinese women. I should point out though.....I'm no expert on Russian women my experience base of them and their country is way too small.

[Sam Reeves]

Sam, hello and welcome to RUA....................................  Reading your "Seven Secrets every man should know before dating or marrying a Chinese woman" I find that you've left out a couple of important factors.

First probably one of the most important things I've discovered about Chinese women is for them to have their parents approval of their future husband.....

Thanks for the welcome Westcoast, I've left out more than a couple of important factors there Westcoast. In truth it would be impossible for me to list all the things I consider to be important to know, and the intricacies of them either, on a single web page.....I could do a really really long page though I suppose

To be honest I consider the 'asking for permission' thing to be fairly common knowledge online which is another factor why it isn't included on that page.

Another factor that I've learned about Chinese women and most Asian women is a desire for their future husband to learn their language.......

Hmmm, I agree, but what I would ask is this: 'is it to your benefit to learn their language, or will it make a whole load of other problems?'.

In my own experience after I learned Mandarin I ended up with a whole new world of issues and problems that my wife had been shielding me from, and all she said to me when I complained that now I had to really deal with her parents and all the problems that went with them was: "now you know what I have to go through!" and then laughed!

It didn't help me or our relationship to tell you the truth. Quite the opposite where Chinese culture is concerned. Personally I like the language, but you can have just as much positive effect with a few words in Chinese as opposed to having to learn the whole language. Not necessary in my view.

I wouldn't say the same about the other Asian countries mind you.

Finally you should really point out the differences between Chinese women who were born and raised in China and those Chinese women who were born and raised in the west, there can be quite a difference............

That's a big topic right there Westcoast, yes there can be major differences, not only between western born Chinese and mainland born Chinese, but also between Tawainese, Hong-Kong born Chinese women, and even Chinese mainland born females who then live in a western country for 6 months/a year/two years and a gradual change that can take place.

From dating western born Chinese myself when younger, and being involved in the Chinese community there too, I would say they maintain an approximate 30% mainland Chinese influence in their psychological make up.

I base that statement on experience and having known a broad cross section of western born Chinese females. It is of course, just an approximate, but it it does have a strong influence on their attraction to males and their dating habits and choices.

But, ya, that's a big topic Westcoast!

[Sam Reeves]

 a young male surplus and young female shortage - due largely to female infanticide - whealthy families in China arrange marriages for their sons with other prominent families daughters at a very early age - so China doll dating sites almost always MOB scams.

The actual percentage difference is small to be honest, it's just that because there are 1.3 billion it does break down to some large numbers.

Thing is, I know hundreds of single Chinese females, yet they either do not want to choose any of the Chinese males in question, or the males don't want them.

The reasons are not even economic most of the time. To be honest after a Chinese woman has had a western boyfriend or gotten to know something about western culture and people in depth, she seldom wants to marry someone from her own race.

Much more freedom if you marry a westerner. Chinese culture is highly restrictive.

As to dating sites, I'm not a big fan of them myself although I have gone through a few.

They are not all scams, sometimes westerners mistakenly think they have come across a Chinese dating scam because there are a few different females using the same vocabulary and giving the same answers, but actually this can be based on the Chinese education system and culture...

For example, in English they all learn the exact same set of vocabulary from the ages of five upwards so when they reach a later age they all should, in theory, know the same vocabulary. In practice this is often the case, and can make their conversation in English rather banal if you have spoken to quite a few females...

..this is made worse by the fact that Chinese people have a thought process very similar to each other due to Confucian influence on the society as a whole. This leads many to actually give answers which seem the same as most of the other Chinese women. So, many westerners believe they have stumbled upon a scam.... it may or may not be the case actually.

I'm not saying there are no scams, but I would say it's probably equal to Russian women in numbers at least. Russian mob guys have better English than Chinese mob guys. Trust me on that.

[Sam Reeves]

Actually, having just read Sam's sales page, it is quite well-written.

Sam, it doesn't mention it on your sales copy, what percentage of those women speak English would you say?

Thanks Manny,

technically speaking the vast majority of the population born after the 1980's should speak English as they are all taught English country wide, from elementary school through to high school.

It's also actually still part of the law that they all have to take English as a class in University no matter what subject they are studying.

Contrary to the above though, not many can actually speak fluently or even 'just ok'. This is due to the fact that they are not actually encouraged to speak in the classroom as the amount of students are too great for that to be practical. English is mostly taught here as a knowledge, as opposed to skill.

So, many Chinese can write in English, but speak is a different matter all together. You're probably looking at a percentage of around 15-20% fluent, this percentage rises in the larger cities.

Still, 15-20% can be a rather large amount in some cities due to the population size. I will say the percentage falls drastically in the countryside regions though.

[el_guero]

Sam,

It is NOT a small difference.  In China, the gender imbalance is 15% to 30% .... that is already causing serious cultural problems which will only get worse.

Similar socially engineered abortion problems exist in India and S. Korea.

We are headed into uncharted waters .... these social engineering experiments will cost us dearly.

[WestCoast]

Another factor that I've learned about Chinese women and most Asian women is a desire for their future husband to learn their language.......

Hmmm, I agree, but what I would ask is this: 'is it to your benefit to learn their language, or will it make a whole load of other problems?'.

In my own experience after I learned Mandarin I ended up with a whole new world of issues and problems that my wife had been shielding me from, and all she said to me when I complained that now I had to really deal with her parents and all the problems that went with them was: "now you know what I have to go through!" and then laughed!

It didn't help me or our relationship to tell you the truth. Quite the opposite where Chinese culture is concerned. Personally I like the language, but you can have just as much positive effect with a few words in Chinese as opposed to having to learn the whole language. Not necessary in my view.

I wouldn't say the same about the other Asian countries mind you.

Sam I agree there is a downside to being able to speak your wife's/gf's language. My ex's mother hates me but her father and I get along great, so I hear things in Mandarin that I'd never hear if I had to rely only on English.   For me the advantages of speaking Mandarin have far outweighed the negatives.  I've discovered that Chinese people always seem so startled when a white person speaks Mandarin, their reaction can be quite funny. 

[Sam Reeves]

Sam,

It is NOT a small difference.  In China, the gender imbalance is 15% to 30% .... that is already causing serious cultural problems which will only get worse.

Last time I checked it was around 51-52% boys to 48-49% girls percentage ratio. Actually as memory serves me it isn't even a 2% difference at this time. The fear is that it will be and will increase.

It's a small percentage difference, but I did say above that even a small percentage difference is a large amount in China due to the large population. But 15-30% is way off though.

Edit/ps: Just found the figures I was referring to here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_the_People's_Republic_of_China#Sex_ratio

Scroll down you will find it: Sex distribution: male 51.27%; female 48.73% (2010)

[Sam Reeves]

Sam I agree there is a downside to being able to speak your wife's/gf's language. My ex's mother hates me but her father and I get along great, so I hear things in Mandarin that I'd never hear if I had to rely only on English.   For me the advantages of speaking Mandarin have far outweighed the negatives.  I've discovered that Chinese people always seem so startled when a white person speaks Mandarin, their reaction can be quite funny.

Yep, there are definite upsides I must admit. In general I usually pretend to certain people I'm able to speak much less than I can in order to avoid difficult conversations where some cultural issue will come up that cause problems.

I know a fair few westerners in China who do the same, we play dumb when it's suitable to do so. It can just be so much less trouble.