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Information & Chat => Adventure Stories & Travel Reports => The Train Wreck Room => Topic started by: Still_Water on October 04, 2011, 11:35:14 AM

Title: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 04, 2011, 11:35:14 AM
Well, it seems that i have bitten off so much more then i can chew, that i am gagging with the tears.

Simply put.

im going to write this sort of in a frenzy so that you can get a feel for my emotional state.
i dont care about syntax errors or spelling.
I want you to read and listen to a man that is at the end of his rope regarding this girl i recently married.
this will all sound very emotionally upset, and that is what i am for about 5 weeks now.
Im not sleeping, i cant stop my mind from twisting, and i am just so unhappy.
so, i came here to write to anyone here that might can give me some advice, coz i am freaked out.

Im an american she is :......
I met online 5 years ago, a girl who is a Ukranian/Russian/Jew who lived in The Crimea.
We fell in love online, and had what i thought was a very good relationship.
We took it slow, we stayed online for probably thousands of hours.
I thought we were a perfect fit, then i left the USA, and flew to Israel where she lives with her parents.
She is 33 and im a decade older.
We both are musicians, both are smart, both are easy going, friendly.
And i cant stand her.
And i think the feeling is mutual.
We have been married for about 7 weeks, and OMG, its been a war from the start.

Problems..

the first and the worst is the fact that this girl does not want to be around me much.
Its as if she has to make a special effort to come home from work and even come to our room and see me.

On her off days, i have discovered that she would prefer to be in her room, on the PC or playing the piano.

I feel like im a roomate, and not a husband.

At first, the first 2 weeks after i came here, she was so attentive.
Fixed my meals, ...took me to the store almost every day after work so that i could have food, as there is little here most of the time.

Then, like a light switch went off, she one night sort of said........(we had been staying in a small room waiting for some people who were renting the big room that is now mine to leave).
About 4 days after i am here, one night she just tells me she prefers to be in her room at night.
Following this, it was every night.
Following this, it became the issue of "i need time to read"..."i need time by myself".

So, i didnt adjust to this well, as i had no idea she would just sort of unplug from me.
Now, we fight like wild animals constantly as she feels all i do is complain.
And my complaining is simply that i want a WIFE, who is around.
She does all she can to not do this for me.

And our sex life?

well, the first week, it was pretty good.
I had to adjust to the fact that she is not really very active in bed.

as of this day.......Oct 4th, we have been married for 7 weeks, and we have made love 20 times.
20.
So, i mentioned that this is not a lot for a newly married couple, and now this is a constant fight.

So, following the first week of fairly passionate lovemaking, our lovemaking has become what she actually told me is "marriage sex".
She defined it as........"Im tired, and so, that is what it will be".
Which means, that she lays there sort of like dead wood while i kiss and hold and try to get her involved, then she just grabs her ankles as we "merge" and she just lays still holding her legs wide for me till im through.
Then after this, if i try to kiss or cuddle, she will do it for about  2 mins max, and usually sort of pull away.

She tells me this is all she can do, coz she has "no mood" because of all the arguing.
It seems that she keeps in her head all that i say that angers her, which is mostly.....that she never seems to want to be with me when she is home, and she is so against sleeping with me at night in the same bed, but she does it.
She hates it.
Hates it.

We have had sex once in 13 days.
IT was good for me, but for her i think she was bored.

Ive noticed that when she gives me oral sex, and yes this has been 6 times in 7 weeks, she has a technique similar to hookers.
She just bobs fast, back and forth, with no real sense of enjoying what she is doing.
Just, get it to come asap.
Then of course she has pushed my sperm all over me, coz she wont keep it in her mouth even to spit.
Sorry to be so graphic, but im telling you i am about crazy.
I feel like ive married something from the land of "no love and affection".

And kissing?
she tells me she likes it as long as she does not have to do it a long time.
And kissing after sex, .....forget it.
And kissing me when she comes home from work.
She will do it if i sort of force her to do it.

Lately we have moments in bed when i think she wants to be with me, but then i'll try to start some touching and this is accepted for a few mins then she pulls away.

Recently she told me that i need to ask her, so that she understands the "moment", but this was not required the first week we were married.
But after 7 weeks, i cant every understand the signs with her.
As a matter of fact, she just came in here in a very sexy nightgown, and was laying on the bed, and i asked her softly if she wanted to let me touch her.
She said nothing.
So, i waited a bit, then asked her again.
She said she was "thinking".
Following this, i pointed out that i was doing what she asked, that i was asking.
This led to her telling me i was arguing again.
This led to me being told that all i do is argue.
I pointed out that i had never seen her in this beautiful and sex gown, and so, as she came in with it, what was i to think.
Once again i was told im arguing, ect.
I think , truly, that she wanted to be in another room tonight to sleep, so, she baited me with the gown, which would lead to my frustration and then she could use it against me.
Keep in mind that i was just told 2 days ago, that i needed to "ask" about intimacy so that she understood what i wanted.
So, i asked, ...she was in the new gown.......and what did she do?
She lay there, against the pillow, looking at the wall, and said nothing.
Nothing.
2 mins.
so, following this, i begin to ask, which led to the argument.
Currently she is in another room.
So, i guess it worked.

So, is she kind to me?
yes.
but just dont ask her to kiss me, or hug me, or sleep with me, or make love with me for the last 4 weeks of our 7 weeks of marriage.
This part has sort of died.
But does she worry about me?
She does if she focuses on it.
Some days, i can tell she is truly all mine, to a point.
That is unless i do something like ask her a question about something that she would rather not discuss.
Following this, game over for a few days.
These few days have now lasted about a month.

Other things that i cant discuss with her, would include her past boyfriends, especially the one she was living with before she met me.

I wish he had married her so that i could be spared this hell.

For example.
Im not working in Israel, as im not even a resident yet.
So, im stuck in the apartment all day, no car.
Pulling hair out.

She comes home today, and immediately starts cooking this pie that she wanted to try again because she ruined the last one.
This was right after she ate her 3:30pm meal.
So, i went in the kitchen with her as soon as she arrived, and helped her carry in some food she bought.
Then she sat at the table and i got my food and went to our big bedroom where she sleeps part time.
I waited waited.
Eventually, about 40 mins passed and i go to the kitchen and there she is cooking the pie.
Keep in mind, i have no kiss, no hug, no how are you .
All i got was to help her with the food.
She knows i sit all day here.
So, i go in the kitchen and say, "well thanks for coming to see me for a few mins".
she tells me........."i say you when you came in here for the food".

So, can you feel the love?

Tonight she told me she wants to take classes to learn to cut hair.
So this means she'll work her job, then be gone at night.
Can you feel the love?
I can.

This girl is doing all she can to make sure we are hardly in the same room.

I guess it was my arguing about the fact that she didnt want to be in the same room with me.
I did get pretty angry about the fact that she has been doing this.
Probably better had i just stayed alone till she decided to come in for a visit on occasion.
However, as i flew 5,000 miles to marry this girl, i felt that i was due some actual marriage RELATIONSHIP.

The other thing i did wrong?
Well, i pointed out that she had very frequent sex with her last boyfriend and she had very infrequent sex with her husband, me.
Since then, we have argued also about this a lot.
Now our sex is infrequent.
However, i felt that if she married me, then i should at least have equal time in bed as compared to the last one.
Seems my argument has only caused her to dislike me based on my argument.
Maybe this is where the entire relationship went to hell.

All i know, is that she is happily in the other room right now for the night.
After she would not tell me if we were going to make love, as required by her to be asked, and as i was told all i do is argue after i told her that any man seeing her in that sexy gown would think she was asking for his passion........well, she certainly teased me right into a fight.
Maybe im just to stupid to deal with this mind :censored: ing girl.
Or maybe she is enjoying the fact that i want her, and uses no sex as a weapon to harm me, so that in this way she pays me back for my complaining.
The thing is, i dont even want to have sex with her.
I had no real desire to do it, but i was mostly trying out this new idea of hers about asking, and then i watched her become filled with hatred.

She literally was hating me as she felt i was wanting her and she was denying me.
She was sitting there after i asked her, knowing i would.......then had no response as this she know would irritate me, as this was what she told me to do.
So i do it, then she ignores me, then after i point out what is what, she then accused me of "arguing" again so that she could use THIS as the reason for why we had no intimacy which then led to a fight and then to her sleeping in another room.
So, she played me again, i think, like a violin with one string.

so, how many here, think i need to go back to the USA before im even more freaked out at what is happening to me?


any advice?


thanx for reading.


s_w
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Halo on October 04, 2011, 11:48:37 AM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 04, 2011, 12:01:13 PM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

Ditto, but to be honest, it sounds like you too met for the first time face to face and within a very short  time you were married. You really didn't know each other did you? skype/phone/emails doesn't count here, face time is what you need with anyone, not only in an International relationship.

Quote from: SW
However, as i flew 5,000 miles to marry this girl, i felt that i was due some actual marriage RELATIONSHIP.

Sorry to hear about your sad story, but just because you flew 5000 miles, doesn't mean she owes you anything. I wish we could hear her side of the story, I bet it would be very enlightening  :)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 04, 2011, 12:07:25 PM
any advice?

Grow up and be a man.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 04, 2011, 12:11:51 PM
First off, sex is the least of your problems. (You must have a relationship in order to make love--and you don't have that.)

As to your reference to her technique being "like a hooker" I'd respond that it sounds to me that you're got way too much experience as an average "John." Takes one to know one buddy so cut out the accusations--fixing this broken mess will require you to man up, and that means rebuilding a positive relationship with her...fast.


Quote
At first, the first 2 weeks after i came here, she was so attentive.
Fixed my meals, ...took me to the store almost every day after work so that i could have food, as there is little here most of the time.

Did you really expect her to be excited about moving to your country and discovering that you don't even have food?!

Do you really mean to give the idea that she pays for groceries in your home?!


Quote
Then, like a light switch went off, she one night sort of said........(we had been staying in a small room waiting for some people who were renting the big room that is now mine to leave).


Hope you have enough money to keep the electric bill paid...otherwise that light switch you referenced won't ever come back on.

Did you really expect her to give up her home life and move to another country and discover that you apparently live the life of a broke musician?! If your lifestyle includes renting out rooms for income, then you can't afford a wife.


Quote
This girl is doing all she can to make sure we are hardly in the same room.

Dude, women usually have reasons for that kind of behaviour. You might try sitting down and offering to listen to her reasons with a promise (and keep the promise if you hope to keep the girl) that you'll not response AT ALL and only listen to her side of the story.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Steamer on October 04, 2011, 12:26:20 PM
...but to be honest, it sounds like you too met for the first time face to face and within a very short  time you were married. You really didn't know each other did you? skype/phone/emails doesn't count here, face time is what you need with anyone, not only in an International relationship.

Exactly. Even though you communicated for 5 years your relationship is only 7 weeks old.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 04, 2011, 12:47:21 PM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

there is a man who wrote a long article about his misadventures regarding marrying 2 russian girls.

basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.
he wrote that they do not like to sleep in the same bed at night with their husband.
he wrote that, russian children are not hugged and loved and nurtured much, and they grow up being distant, unaffectionate, and dont care to change.
he pointed out that if you are a person who wants an affectionate wife, ..one who you want to be around you a lot,....in the sense that you and she are "one" and enjoy the same room, the same dinner table, the same everything, then the last thing you want to do is marry a Russian/Ukrainian girl, because they dont understand simple affection, they dont even like it.
They operate on a sort of sex is love mentality, and they dont understand the basics of romance, nor do they intend to discover it.
They operate in a black and white mentality, and are not able to function in a marriage with a man who demands that they view him as the main thing and not just a part of their program.
I am not a man who can operate on the ........."well i think i have some time for you today, principle".
I have to be the mainthing in her life as she is the main thing in mine.
And THAT is the disconnect.
She wants me to be a part of the whole and i have to be the whole.
So, in that is the issue, and can i resolve it?
well, right now she is in the room again telling me to shut up, because i just told her what i just told you.
I will not be #5 on her list of things to do.
I am THE LIST.
And she cant do it., so neither will I.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Larry on October 04, 2011, 12:52:00 PM
Sorry to hear of all the difficulties in your marriage.

Quote
basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.
he wrote that they do not like to sleep in the same bed at night with their husband.
he wrote that, russian children are not hugged and loved and nurtured much, and they grow up being distant, unaffectionate, and dont care to change.
he pointed out that if you are a person who wants an affectionate wife, ..one who you want to be around you a lot,....in the sense that you and she are "one" and enjoy the same room, the same dinner table, the same everything, then the last thing you want to do is marry a Russian/Ukrainian girl, because they dont understand simple affection, they dont even like it.

This may be true of this guy's two Russian wives, but it hasn't been consistent with my experience. 
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Anteros on October 04, 2011, 12:54:55 PM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

there is a man who wrote a long article about his misadventures regarding marrying 2 russian girls.

basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.
he wrote that they do not like to sleep in the same bed at night with their husband.
he wrote that, russian children are not hugged and loved and nurtured much, and they grow up being distant, unaffectionate, and dont care to change.
he pointed out that if you are a person who wants an affectionate wife, ..one who you want to be around you a lot,....in the sense that you and she are "one" and enjoy the same room, the same dinner table, the same everything, then the last thing you want to do is marry a Russian/Ukrainian girl, because they dont understand simple affection, they dont even like it.
They operate on a sort of sex is love mentality, and they dont understand the basics of romance, nor do they intend to discover it.
They operate in a black and white mentality, and are not able to function in a marriage with a man who demands that they view him as the main thing and not just a part of their program.
I am not a man who can operate on the ........."well i think i have some time for you today, principle".
I have to be the mainthing in her life as she is the main thing in mine.
And THAT is the disconnect.
She wants me to be a part of the whole and i have to be the whole.
So, in that is the issue, and can i resolve it?
well, right now she is in the room again telling me to shut up, because i just told her what i just told you.
I will not be #5 on her list of things to do.
I am THE LIST.
And she cant do it., so neither will I.

You were dumb enough to tell her this ridiculous story, and now you wonder why she wants to be alone in her room?  I think we really need to hear her side of the story, and it seems that you and her are not meant for each other.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 04, 2011, 01:03:05 PM
...but to be honest, it sounds like you too met for the first time face to face and within a very short  time you were married. You really didn't know each other did you? skype/phone/emails doesn't count here, face time is what you need with anyone, not only in an International relationship.

Exactly. Even though you communicated for 5 years your relationship is only 7 weeks old.

That is the problem.

Sex is the least of your worries. As Mendy said, you need a relationship for that to happen and you haven't got one.

I gather from your post you are living in Israel with her now? My advice is do not import this woman to the US under any circumstances. Divorce her. Go home. Get to know the woman face to face if there is a next time with another foreign woman.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kievstar on October 04, 2011, 01:38:41 PM
You do not seem like someone who is ready to date let alone be married. 

You mentioned you tried to ask her about past boyfriends - if she did tell you what would that help.  There is nothing to be gained about asking about her past sexual experiences or sharing yours.

You said she lives with her parents in Israel and now with you in Israel.  Do you spend a lot of time with her parents?

While she was working and you were sitting home you never thought once you could go to the store to buy food on your own.  She thinks your a child and not a husband.  Sorry to be blunt.  Israel is not hard to get around. 


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 04, 2011, 01:42:45 PM
Still_water, may I ask you, are you in Israel now? Or must you use a proxy for some reason?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ChrisE on October 04, 2011, 01:55:32 PM
You say that she is not being a "wife", which you claim to need. Perhaps she needs a "husband" and not just someone for constant sex. Israeli women are proud people and respect those men who take the initiative and get things done. As was mentioned, go out and do the shopping, clean the apartment, and make a hot meal for when she gets home from work. If she is the one working all day, you have no excuses for sitting on your tush and doing nothing. There is no woman who will put up with that for long, and seems her limit was 1 week.

 So in my view, you have two choices. Either you free the lady and go back to the states, or you make some big efforts to earn her love and respect again. If you choose #2, it will not be easy, but if you want any chance of saving your marriage you must learn that efforts in a relationship goes both ways. You either earn it, or go home.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 04, 2011, 02:10:40 PM
Quote from: Still_Water
he wrote that, russian children are not hugged and loved and nurtured much, and they grow up being distant, unaffectionate, and dont care to change.
he pointed out that if you are a person who wants an affectionate wife, ..one who you want to be around you a lot,....in the sense that you and she are "one" and enjoy the same room, the same dinner table, the same everything, then the last thing you want to do is marry a Russian/Ukrainian girl, because they dont understand simple affection, they dont even like it.

He obviously met the wrong women also, or just didn't know how to take care of a good lady, you reap what you sow, and this is the complete opposite of my experience, of course, I wouldn't be getting married to someone I had only met five minutes (figuratively speaking) earlier either  (:)


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: andrewfi on October 04, 2011, 02:46:45 PM
Talk to the woman about how to unwind the marriage.
You are not ready for each other.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Ste on October 04, 2011, 02:56:31 PM
I smell a troll or a nut job....
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: andrewfi on October 04, 2011, 03:00:12 PM
I smell a troll or a nut job....

Maybe, but if he is not a troll then he is well disturbed and if he is like this then how is his missus?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 04, 2011, 03:01:22 PM
I smell a troll or a nut job....

+1! Something is up.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Vinnvinny on October 04, 2011, 03:05:06 PM
I smell a troll or a nut job....

+1! Something is up.

Clearly it isn't! ;)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Rasputin on October 04, 2011, 03:05:24 PM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

there is a man who wrote a long article about his misadventures regarding marrying 2 russian girls.

basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.

If he keeps marrying the same kind of women and getting the same kind of results, methinks the problem lies with the fellow in question  :biggrin:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 04, 2011, 03:13:59 PM
I smell a troll or a nut job....

+1! Something is up.

Clearly it isn't! ;)

LMAO  :chuckle: You're a quick one, Vinny  :chuckle:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 04, 2011, 03:57:58 PM
there is a man who wrote a long article about his misadventures regarding marrying 2 russian girls.

basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.
he wrote that they do not like to sleep in the same bed at night with their husband.
he wrote that, russian children are not hugged and loved and nurtured much, and they grow up being distant, unaffectionate, and dont care to change.
he pointed out that if you are a person who wants an affectionate wife, ..one who you want to be around you a lot,....in the sense that you and she are "one" and enjoy the same room, the same dinner table, the same everything, then the last thing you want to do is marry a Russian/Ukrainian girl, because they dont understand simple affection, they dont even like it.
They operate on a sort of sex is love mentality, and they dont understand the basics of romance, nor do they intend to discover it.
They operate in a black and white mentality, and are not able to function in a marriage with a man who demands that they view him as the main thing and not just a part of their program.

Some Russian women fit the stereotype described above but they are certainly a minority. This may have nothing to do with your wife, however. You should find out what she wants, even if it takes a third-party to do so.

1) Going forward, stop reading this sort of shit to her; it's counterproductive.

2) Stop freaking out; that's a girl's job. Women (Russian women also) expect man to have some control.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 04, 2011, 04:03:15 PM
Im an american she is :......
I met online 5 years ago, a girl who is a Ukranian/Russian/Jew who lived in The Crimea.
We fell in love online, and had what i thought was a very good relationship.
We took it slow, we stayed online for probably thousands of hours.
I thought we were a perfect fit, then i left the USA, and flew to Israel where she lives with her parents.
She is 33 and im a decade older.
We both are musicians, both are smart, both are easy going, friendly.
And i cant stand her.
And i think the feeling is mutual.
We have been married for about 7 weeks, and OMG, its been a war from the start.

There is a lot missing between having met online five years ago and having been married for about seven weeks. Would you please flesh it in a bit?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: B.B. on October 04, 2011, 05:45:52 PM
any advice?

Grow up and be a man.

Act like a man! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbZEkFLXh9Y)

 :chuckle:

B/B
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Slumba on October 04, 2011, 05:59:07 PM
Apparently Israelis can be as nutty as Italians, they just whine a lot more about it!

(I can say this as I have Italian background)...

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: 2tallbill on October 04, 2011, 06:03:30 PM
I find it difficult to understand how you didn't cover all this in
your 1000's of hours of conversations covering everything from
frequency, to freaky fetish Fridays, to toe curling on Tuesday,
to sleeping arrangements, and especially conflict resolution
not to mention if she will just lay there while holding her ankles.

(Bill will get teased for saying this but..................)
7 weeks divided by the sum of 20 sexy times +6 sword swallows is something
close to 4 times per week which isn't fantastic but it's not the Sahara Desert
either. She IS putting in an effort more than just a token one.

To me it just seems like you haven't been communicating enough, before, during
or after. I don't know enough to give any advice except to talk, talk and talk.
If you or her don't want to spend the effort then get a divorce. Who knows maybe
your cologne is gagging her and she doesn't want to offend you, or she wants the
lights dimmer because she doesn't like her ____________ (enter body part here)
Maybe you are hurting her, scarring her, or offending her. Surely being compared to
a whore would offend most women I know.

Whatever the problem is can only be discovered by talking. Getting all worked up
will probably cause her to shut down. You need to stay calm (this will help her
remain calm) Don't just say yeah, yeah, yeah you actually need to calm down.
The way that you are writing looks like you are bouncing off the walls. This will not
facilitate conversation.

Calm down. then talk.  Calm down!  Calm down!! then talk. 

Udachi

Bill
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 04, 2011, 06:56:23 PM
any advice?

Grow up and be a man.

Act like a man! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbZEkFLXh9Y)

 :chuckle:

B/B

Best movie, ever.  :popcorn:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: B.B. on October 04, 2011, 07:01:49 PM
Apparently Israelis can be as nutty as Italians, they just whine a lot more about it!

(I can say this as I have Italian background)...

It would be the same if you had an Israeli one.  :chuckle:

That said, it appears that the OP is having "Jewish Sex Doggie Style" -- he sits up and begs and she rolls over an plays dead.

Ba-dum TISH! (http://instantrimshot.com/)

B/B
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 04, 2011, 11:13:28 PM
Quote
Surely being compared to a whore would offend most women I know.

SW,
Bill's point is vital if you will ever be successful with a lady. One thing for certain is that you can't treat a wife like a music groupie/whore.

There is only one person that matters in the "what someone thinks" category-and it is your wife. You need to adopt actions and a code of respect if you wish to have a wife and not just a convenient whore/music groupie.

So I'd suggest this be the last time you pull back the sheets on your sex life. A MAN never breaks the bond of sexual intimacy by blabbering to his friends, much less posting about it on a public Internet forum. No matter how frustrated you are, she deserves better. That is something a MAN and his wife works out in private or with a professional counselor.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 02:20:57 AM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

For those of you who are following this thread, i decided to just give you a day by day account, as per 10-05-2011

let me reiterate how the problems began.

first,...when she and i were online for 5 years, beginning in August 2006, i noticed that even after we were 2 or even 4 years into the relationship, she seemed to not be able to express her tender feelings.
It was easy for her to receive mine, but, i noticed that her ability to even say, "i love you" online, was mainly in response to me saying it.
In other words, i would tell her, and then she would tell me back, the same.
Few, maybe less then 10 times since ive known this girl, had she told me "i love you" online, without being prompted.
I did ask her about this, and her response was that she didnt want an online love, and felt no reason to be affectionate, as what she wanted was a "in real life" relationship, and she very much assured me that i would find her in life to be very loving and affectionate.
We talked about this online, as i noticed her "distance" and her inabilty to emote or to let me feel her feelings.
Sometimes we would have a disagreement online, and once the happened, she was unable to say "i love you" back to me when we got off line.
But she assured me that all my concerns about her being distant, cold, detatached, aloof, and uninterested would change once i was "in real".
And for the first week i was with her, even till the 2nd week, she was very friendly, but never very "touchy', or wanting to be near me.

Do you understand?

Listen reader, most couples have a lot of touching going on when the relationship is NEW.
Understand?
And what is more, its usually the girl that is all over the guy.
Rubbing his arm, trying to hold his hand, playing with his hair.
Basic 101 new couple in love......romantic feelings.
I noticed from the first handshake she gave me at the airport when we first met, that she didnt seem to feel comfortable with a simple hug.
I mean c'mon, a girl that does not like to hug?
What is that?

So, about the 3nd week after i was in Israel living in her room, i got this idea in my head that it was not right that she would sleep in the same bed with her last boyfriend of 2 years whom she lived with, ........but with me, her husband, who flew 5,000 miles to be with her, ...she wanted to not sleep in the same bed with me, or even be in the same room with me that much.
So, i flatly told her that apparently the love she felt for her last boyfriend that caused her to sleep with him and to have a very constant sex life must be based on love she felt for him that she didnt feel for me, coz here i am, we are married, and she is not being intimate with me but about once a week, and she didnt want to sleep with me much.
She had told me that her sex life with the previous was very much daily, or even more.
But here i was, with one a week sex, and i was spending a LOT of time during the sex play giving her all kinds of pleasure.
I didnt just hop on and hop off.
The first 3 weeks i would spend 30 mins just touching her and kissing her and holding her, and THEN i would give her a lot of oral pleasure and THEN i would do the rest.
So, she was getting a 1,000 sex act from me the first 15 times, but i got tired of this, because, the 15 times she would want to be intimate with me was turning into about once a week.
And i realized that i did all the kissing, all the holding, all the effort.
I worked hard to please this girl, and she just sort of became a sponge.
So, i started thinking, WTF.
Here she was, having daily sex or 2 or 3 times a day sex with the last BF, and here i was killing myself, taking so much time with her to try to please my wife, and then i realized that i was like some worker bee taking care of the queen who just lay there.
So, as i said, i told her that apparently there was more love for the last BF then for me, based on a whole lot of things she wasn't doing for me that she did for him, including frequent sex.
U can imagine the war that came after i started talking to her about this.
I could see the guilt, the condemnation, and i could tell that the way she was angry was based on the TRUTH i was giving her.
So, following these arguments, which lasted about 3 weeks, we find ourselves estranged, angry, mean spirited, and often cruel.
But the fact is im not going to be #8 on her list of important things.
Im going to be #1 or im going to find my way back to the States.

And this i told her last night.

and about last night.
if u have been reading....
we had an argument about the fact that she came into the room dressed in a sexy nightgown id never seen and so, i asked her if she wanted to be with me.
I asked her this because 2 days earlier we were fighting about "signals" and "body language", and she told me to just tell her what i wanted so that she would know.
So, last night i told her after considering that the nightgown she was wearing was a "here i am".
Well, she didnt answer me, which led to a discussion about why she didnt answer me after telling me to ask, and after wearing that " :censored:  me" night gown".
So she left the room, and i was actually glad.
I started writing this thread.
Well, 2 more times after that, she came back into the room, and told me not to argue.
So, i did anyway.
I told her it was unfair to wear something sexy in front of me, when i had not been allowed to touch her but once in 13 days.
So she left again, and then one more time but she came back.
After the last time, i decided to just go to her, pin her to the bed, and see how she reacted.
When i came to her, i told her what i was going to do.
On her face was a look of anger and a look of curiosity.
So, i layed her on her back, and sat on her., gently.
In about 3 mins i had her mounted and she was seeming to react normally.
But then, about 15 mins into the intimacy, (i tend to take a while, im not a 2 min type of lover), ..i noticed she was looking at the CLOCK.
Say what?
Look, im not a man who is inexperienced with women.
Ive had a few girlfriends in my time, but ive never been with a hooker, even tho i made a comment about one in another post.
So, here i am, deep into this girl for about 15 mins, and she seems to be enjoying all im doing, the variety, and then she looks at the clock.
A few mins later, she looks at the clock again.
So, you tell me, does  your girl look at the clock when you are having sex with her?
What is THAT?
That tells me that she is just doing her DUTY, and is not really into what we are doing at all.
Ive felt this now for the last dozen times we have made love.
I can tell she likes it ok, but she is not really into it.
Do u understand?
And i try everything.
Positions, tempo changes, ..everything that a good lover knows to do, and i sware she could yawn., which of course is what looking at the clock really is.........its a yawn.

Maybe the issue is cock size.
Could be.
Im average.
And her last BF, was really tall, and kinda big, and perhaps this included his libido.
Perhaps she became use to a really big penis, and mine, while a bit larger then average, is not by any means like a horse.
So, maybe that is what the problem is...
Unfortunately this is not something i can ask her, coz what girl with a brain would tell you......."yes, i need a bigger cock then yours".

so, to continue.
About 25 mins after we started the intercourse, i stopped, then i pulled her to the edge of the bed and gave her some intense oral sex for about 20 mins.
Most women would have had an orgasm the first 5 mins, and at least one ore by the 20th min, coz im experienced at this technique, but this girl goes 20 mins, then tells me she is sorry and knows that i have to be tired, and makes me stopx.
She then slides next to me, and begins touching me sexually, then starts to give me a BJ, and then mounts me and gets me off a 2nd time.


so, isnt this crazy?

here is a girl that gave me intimacy only once in 13 days, and then last night she is angry at me, and leaves the room, and then before its all over, i get sex and a BJ and then more sex.

So, i need some help here.
Im lost in the weeds.
I cant find the sun.
I find that when we get along, we dont have intimacy, but when we fight, and i sort of force her into the sex position, i end up getting off 2x.

I have asked her about something.
In the USA, most girls are use to a lot of touching and kissing and foreplay...
That is what im use to.
A lot of build up., a lot of warm up toward the big event.

But last night, when i just sort of pushed her to the bed, pulled off her panties, and didnt even give her a kiss....

Maybe this is what she is use to.
Maybe this it "typical Russian sex", where the male just comes to the girl with his need, and takes her without a whole lot of affection.
Just, get her on the bed, get the panties off, and push it in.
Maybe that is what is wrong.
Maybe i have been trying to be the Michaelangelo of sex, the Casanova of foreplay, and what this girl is use to, what Russian girls find to be NORMAL SEX, is just..........Ok, you have an erection, put it in me,, and dont worry about the kissing.

does anybody here know?
coz i am so tired of this issue with this girl.
Am i doing wrong by trying to love her with sex, instead of just being an animal and mounting her like shes a dog?
Is that what is wrong?
I just need to be a dog as this is what she is use to?
Is this the "Russian idea" of sex?
Push her to the bed, never mind if she is even wet, and just have what i want, get off, go to the kitchen and eat a piece of cake?


somebody be honest here, and tell me about Russian girls and what they are use to, coz i am giving this girl Casanova Lovemaking, and she is not even noticing.


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 02:30:17 AM
any advice?

Grow up and be a man.

Thanks for the response.
I'll tell you what.
I'll grow up when you grow a brain.
Could be a while.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 02:37:19 AM
Divorce her.



You were dumb enough to tell her this ridiculous story, and now you wonder why she wants to be alone in her room?  I think we really need to hear her side of the story, and it seems that you and her are not meant for each other.



I let her read this story.
And i only showed it to her 3 days ago.
What is interesting is that she tried to explain her lack of intimacy as being based on the fact that her parents gave her no huggs or tenderness when she was a girl.

she also explained to me that she prefers to be in her own bed, and her parents sleep in different beds.

and she just lays there during sex.


so, what the person wrote in his email, fits this girl as if he is talking about her., and that is why i let her read it.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 02:45:53 AM
You do not seem like someone who is ready to date let alone be married. 

You mentioned you tried to ask her about past boyfriends - if she did tell you what would that help.  There is nothing to be gained about asking about her past sexual experiences or sharing yours.

You said she lives with her parents in Israel and now with you in Israel.  Do you spend a lot of time with her parents?

While she was working and you were sitting home you never thought once you could go to the store to buy food on your own.  She thinks your a child and not a husband.  Sorry to be blunt.  Israel is not hard to get around.


You will allow me to disagree with your opinion?

first of all, yes i get along fine with her parents.
I think i get along better with her mother then i get along with her.
As a matter of fact her mother, more then once has reprimanded her for not going with me to the beach, or for staying in her room when she comes home.
So, even her mother has seen that this girl is trying to keep her single life, while she is married.


and sure...
the first 3 weeks, i was lost in Israel, and also, i dont have a car.
So, maybe you are able to find your way in a new country the first 2 - 3 weeks on foot :), but i had to learn the streets.
Of course now i know how to get around here.
And also, i cook all my meals.
She does not cook for me.
She stopped doing that the second week.
She stopped doing anything that a normal wife does, about the 2nd week we were here.
Its now the 7th week into this nightmare, and i basically have found myself married to someone who i really only see at night, or a bit on her off days.
And i was not looking for a slave.
I was looking for the person who told me......"come and we will have our world".
So, i came, and "our world" means she wants to be in her room, on her PC.
"our world" means i cook all my meals and i eat them by myself as she prefers to eat alone.
"our world" means if i complain or tell her im lonli to be in the room all by myself all day 7 days a week, and she only comes to see me on occasion, then im "arguing".
If i point out that i have not seen her all day, and WHY does she come home and play with her cat, and take a bath, and cook herself a meal, ..........and check her emails,.............WHY cant she come and see me first?
Dont YOU see your loved one when you come home?
Do you spend an hour or 2 by yourself after work, or do you go right to your mate with a big kiss and a hello????
I get nothing,.
that is "our world".
"our world", SUCKS, and the issue is not me.
So, "our world" has turned into, "ignore husband".
And THAT is why im on this forum.
I thought, "well maybe someone here has an understanding of why Russian girls are like long distance bags of ice.
Im still waiting for someone to step up and tell me the facts.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 05, 2011, 02:50:16 AM
Quote from: Still_Water
I thought, "well maybe someone here has an understanding of why Russian girls are like long distance bags of ice.

Man its simple, she is just not into you!   (:)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Vinnvinny on October 05, 2011, 02:57:34 AM
I think somebody is having a laugh with us. :-X
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 05, 2011, 03:04:22 AM
I think somebody is having a laugh with us. :-X

Me too  :(
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 05, 2011, 03:16:49 AM
Still_Water, you are going to have to face the fact that you married a woman you didn't know. The "online" stuff doesn't count; only the face to face stuff does. Now you are married, you have begun to get to know each other. It would seem that she's just not that into you, and for you, any hole is a goal.

The future isn't looking bright here. This is unlikely to be repaired to your mutual satisfaction. Start planning your exit strategy.

Guys: I just removed a couple of comments. Can we tone down the insults please? Engage with the bloke, offer constructive advice, but don't simply insult him.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 05, 2011, 03:20:28 AM
Guys: I just removed a couple of comments. Can we tone down the insults please? Engage with the bloke, offer constructive advice, but don't simply insult him.

You're not dealing with fools, Manny, neither is "Still_Water".
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 03:20:58 AM
Quote from: Still_Water
I thought, "well maybe someone here has an understanding of why Russian girls are like long distance bags of ice.

Man its simple, she is just not into you!   (:)

thats my feeling.
i think she committed to a mistake.
perhaps she was trying to do the honorable thing, by following through with me because i left my country for her.
So, to begin with, she was able to stand it, but after a few weeks, she just was not able to deal with "not being into me".
Some girls cant adapt to this at all.
Other girls are able to find something about you to love, but some girls have to have a true "click", that involves the physical, the mental, ect.....and maybe this girl is just one of those.

So, maybe what is happening here, is she has lost all interest, while im still deeply engaged in trying to make the relationship fire on all cylinders.

Maybe this is why her kisses are cold, her lovemaking is stale, and her affection is gone.

Maybe she is just doing her duty, based on her idea of......."well he came here, he married me, so, this is what i owe him".
Because, what im getting from her, feels like a debt being paid back, instead of any type of romantic energy.

or,
it could be that Russian girls, once they are offended, develop a sort of wall of resistance between them and you, and this wall has symptoms, which include, "ignore:", "cold"..."dead sex"...."no meals cooked"...."no interest shown".
Maybe she literally cant behave as a wife while she feels offended.
and she has felt offended for a month.
Maybe this is the result that im seeing and feeling.

What i do know, is that she told me that this huge room im in, was perfect to record in..
Im a musician.
I came here to make music, sell CDs, do gigs.
But this room , 5th floor, sits overlooking 2 intersecting streets and its so loud in here that i cant even hardly here the TV unless it on LOUD..
So, she didnt tell me the truth about this room.

Also, ive noticed that if she is angry, she will tell me something that is not the truth, just for the sake of trying to win an argument.
Another way to put it is......she will tell me little lies.
not good.

There is one more thing..
Ive noticed that she tends to look at men.
We were on the beach the second time she took me there.
(ive now been about 100 time by myself.........to the point that even her mother scolded her for never going with me).
So, this second time we are on the beach, this tall boy, who i felt looked like her last boyfriend came and stood in front of us for a while, as he was walking a small child slowly.
So, my wife noticed him, and kept noticing him.
So, i noticed this..
Soon, she is just turning her head in the direction of his chair, which was to our right about 100 feet away.
She just kept looking, to the point that i became offended, because it was so obvious.
However, i didnt accuse her, because, what was the point?
She turned her head to look for about 30 mins.
No kidding.
So, since then, i became really sensitized to this reality., and last weekend we were in church.
About 4 rows in front, there is a tall brown headed boy, who is really enjoying the worship music.
He is sort of dancing in his own way, and i see that my wife is fixated.
Once again, tall boy, brown hair = last Boy friend.
So, naturally, i get offended, and later, i asked her about this, and she admitted she was "fascinated" by his dancing...."but not in the way you think".....
So, i pointed out that starting at any male, >staring<, while with her husband, or BF, is very offensive.
Her response is that........."everybody looks".......and that "she does not care if i look".

so, translated, this means, she is looking at a tall boy, once again, in my presence who reminds her of her last BF, and also, to be told that "everybody looks", is simply telling me that she does look, will look, and that is how it will be.

Well, i dont know how you feel about your wife or boyfriend telling you that "everybody looks", and "go ahead and look yourself", but in my world, that does not fit my perspective of SATISFIED, or FAITHFUL.
Maybe it fits yours.
But for me, it was a slap in my face.

Since then, if we are together around men, i can see her start to look and then sort of jerk her head back to the neutral postions as she realizes that she is beginning to look and THERE I AM.
Yesterday we are in the car coming to a red light.
there on the corner is a tall, fine looking male, nice body.
She was trying so hard not to look that i think she had white knuckles on the steering wheel.

and the prob is not that she is unfaithful, .....thats not it.
she just has a thing about looking at men, and unfortunately she now has a husband, so there is the obvious conflict.
as i said, hopefully she can tame her wondering eye before she strains a ligament trying to look away after i see her looking.
 :reading:

Poor girl.
She is going to hurt her neck dealing with all these self control issues when i am around.
Of course when im not , she will just look:)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 03:41:51 AM
You say that she is not being a "wife", which you claim to need. Perhaps she needs a "husband" and not just someone for constant sex. Israeli women are proud people and respect those men who take the initiative and get things done. As was mentioned, go out and do the shopping, clean the apartment, and make a hot meal for when she gets home from work. If she is the one working all day, you have no excuses for sitting on your tush and doing nothing. There is no woman who will put up with that for long, and seems her limit was 1 week.

 So in my view, you have two choices. Either you free the lady and go back to the states, or you make some big efforts to earn her love and respect again. If you choose #2, it will not be easy, but if you want any chance of saving your marriage you must learn that efforts in a relationship goes both ways. You either earn it, or go home.

Ok let me state again.

I cook all my meals.
i fold the clothes.
I iron my clothes
i make the bed.
i clean the floor.
i clean the bathroom, toilet and sink.
i do ALL the dishes, not just mine., but hers, as she leaves them.
I also do her parents dishes.
i also buy the food now.
So, basically, ive become a bachelor in that i do everything by myself and for myself.

Im not lazy, and i dont just sit and demand to be waited on.
All ive asked of this girl is that when she is home, we are together most of the time.
This is a NEW MARRIAGE, and like i explained........when we are married 5 years, and 15, there is plenty of time to ignore and be ignored., ect.
But 7 weeks of marriage, and she tells me 2 weeks ago after sex........."so, how to you like marriage sex,...its not like when you meet someone for the first time, is it".
So then, i asked her how she would know this, and of course she tells me that she is just speaking in a "general way".
So, honestly, i dont think we have been married long enough to be having "marriage sex", when you consider that we have made love exactly 20 times in nearly 8 weeks.
I bet you and your lover made love the first week you started making love, about 20 times in 10 days.
So, 20 times in 8 weeks is NOTHING.
What newly married couple does not make love 2 or 3 times a day or night that first month or 2 or ?
C'mon.
So, im not asking for a lot of sex, and im not obsessed about sex......but we are a new couple and we have made love 20 times in 8 weeks?
Its NOT RIGHT, and its NOT NORMAL.
Something is off, blocked, broken, or impaired.
And as i stated, i have spent so much time with this girl when we DO make love trying to please her.
Any woman but this  one, truly, would be leaving work early just to be with me again.
And this girl, just has nothing for me, but, "i'll lay here and grab my ankles for you".
Everything that she does for me, .the feeling is........."lets get this over with".

We are too new of a couple for her to be talking to me about "marriage sex".
Its ridiculous.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 03:46:25 AM
Divorce her.

If you're unhappy with your sex life after seven weeks of marriage, what will it be like after seven years?

there is a man who wrote a long article about his misadventures regarding marrying 2 russian girls.

basically he said they are loveless, unaffectionate, lay there like a dead horse during sex, and prefer their own company to their husband.

If he keeps marrying the same kind of women and getting the same kind of results, methinks the problem lies with the fellow in question  :biggrin:

Its my first marriage.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 04:01:20 AM
Im an american she is :......
I met online 5 years ago, a girl who is a Ukranian/Russian/Jew who lived in The Crimea.
We fell in love online, and had what i thought was a very good relationship.
We took it slow, we stayed online for probably thousands of hours.
I thought we were a perfect fit, then i left the USA, and flew to Israel where she lives with her parents.
She is 33 and im a decade older.
We both are musicians, both are smart, both are easy going, friendly.
And i cant stand her.
And i think the feeling is mutual.
We have been married for about 7 weeks, and OMG, its been a war from the start.

There is a lot missing between having met online five years ago and having been married for about seven weeks. Would you please flesh it in a bit?

we met online in the summer of 2006.
we decided to meet eventually, but we wanted to take it slow, build a friendship/love online.
so, we did this for 5 years.
starting in 2009 we became serious about meeting, and planned it, but didnt meet till 2011.
we spent 2 hrs a day online some days, and 5 or 6 others.
we talked about everything under the sun.
we tried our best to discover each other's depths, mental aspects, life perspective, spirituality, and lifestyle.
we talked about everything..........everything.
it would be impossible for any 2 people to be any closer, having never met.
I have about 1500 of her emails.
Ive written her more.
this is in addition to all the hours online.
we also talked on the phone, and used the cam.
we are both musicians, and we shared a lot of music with each other.
we both came to the realization that we were a perfect fit., and shared a very good relationship online most of the time.
then i come here, and she is nothing at all like she claimed she was...
she is not affectionate, she has no clue about simple tenderness such as touching my hair or just laying in bed and playing.
She is just so distant......is the best way to describe it.
She will respond generally to what i do, but she is unable to do anything on her own.
She has such a "Im single" mentality, and when i cross this mental border, we fight like wild cats.
She always told me........"i flex to the man and that is what i do".
Well, she has not flexed to me at all.
Ive flexed and im now flexed out.
As i said in a previous post, its as if im the woman.
I do all the touching first.
I do everything first.....this girl cant seem to even understand her role with a man.
She just waits or ignores.
And im tired of this to the point that most of my thoughts now are about leaving this mess.
I have told her that marriage takes 2, and i cant do both parts.
I have told her that in a marriage, the thing you have to do, is realize that the most important thing in your life is the other person.
The other person takes priority over the cat, the job, the PC,.........everything.
She understands this  intellectually, but cant do it in reality.

as a matter of fact, nothing about this entire situation has turned out to be what she described.

she's a very clever girl, very smart, and is highly educated.
she speaks 3 languages fluently, and 2 others very well.
she loves to study, read, and sleep.

i have discovered that is she does not get 9 or 10 hours of real sleep every night, she basically cant even function.
so, of course that is a problem, coz, while i want her to be a wife and sleep with me, i really dont want to go to bed at 8:30 every night so she can get her 9 or 10 hrs.
however, ive even done this to try to FLEX.
but now my FLEX TOOL is angry.
I need a wife, and i seem to have married a child/girl that has no understanding of the basics of romance or love.
Tired.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Anteros on October 05, 2011, 04:08:35 AM
Still Water,
I don't know if you're for real or if you're just a troll wasting some time.  Let's assume that you are for real.  You have made some blunders, but you have also put a lot of effort into this relationship.  Perhaps deep down you realize that it's just not going to work out, and you want to come here and vent.  Either way, it really is obviously never going to work out.  The best thing that you can do is be polite and diplomatic with her from here on out, but ask for a divorce and get it over with as soon as possible, so that you can get on with your life.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 04:22:58 AM

I find it difficult to understand how you didn't cover all this in
your 1000's of hours of conversations covering everything from
frequency, to freaky fetish Fridays, to toe curling on Tuesday,
to sleeping arrangements, and especially conflict resolution
not to mention if she will just lay there while holding her ankles.

(Bill will get teased for saying this but..................)
7 weeks divided by the sum of 20 sexy times +6 sword swallows is something
close to 4 times per week which isn't fantastic but it's not the Sahara Desert
either. She IS putting in an effort more than just a token one.

To me it just seems like you haven't been communicating enough, before, during
or after. I don't know enough to give any advice except to talk, talk and talk.
If you or her don't want to spend the effort then get a divorce. Who knows maybe
your cologne is gagging her and she doesn't want to offend you, or she wants the
lights dimmer because she doesn't like her ____________ (enter body part here)
Maybe you are hurting her, scarring her, or offending her. Surely being compared to
a whore would offend most women I know.

Whatever the problem is can only be discovered by talking. Getting all worked up
will probably cause her to shut down. You need to stay calm (this will help her
remain calm) Don't just say yeah, yeah, yeah you actually need to calm down.
The way that you are writing looks like you are bouncing off the walls. This will not
facilitate conversation.

Calm down. then talk.  Calm down!  Calm down!! then talk. 

Udachi

Bill


Bill,

thx for the response.
i appreciate the fact that you took the time to be thoughtful.

i wish i could say that talking will help.
i wish i could say that i have not tried to talk this issue into submission.
however, she does not want to talk about it, as she feels that talking about an issue that is causing friction is "arguing", and so, she will not talk to me about it.
that is why im talking so much here.

and calming down is difficult at this point, as im isolated in this room which feels now like a prison in the middle of Mars.

I dont have a car, so all i can really do is ither stare out a window at the street below, or go out and walk in the heat.
Its warm here.

so, im very isolated, which is causing me to feel panic'd.
then, ive discovered that my wife is not the person i met online., nor is living here anything as she described.
I cant find food i like, and my entire diet is messed up and i cant fix it.
Did u ever go to Walmart?
Did u ever buy Chicken Breast in a can?
U cant even find that in Israel, as they dont sell it.
So, can you imagine what its like to find anything to eat here?
The food is so ridiculous here, unless you ONLY buy raw veggies and figure out a new way to use them, that i have to eat "Ensure" in a can and protein bars, along with the horrible food here just to maintain my weight.
And im not sleeping, coz im too upset trying to adjust to the time change, trying to adjust to the lifestyle here, the place, the noise, the lack of food that an American can even recognize or desire, and then there is the problem with the ALIEN from PLUTON that i married who does not even understand how to rub her man's back.


but im sure it will all be better at some point,.
however, this point is not recently.
the good news is, i am the type person to get my ass out of a bad situation.
I flew here, and i can certainly fly away.
And if this girl does not come around and realize and cooperate with my simple needs, such as a bit of affection and tenderness and time spent with me, before she plays with the cat, ect.........if she just cant figure out she has a husband and behave accordingly, then i will just leave her and she can make her way in this world full of men that would be happy to have a girl that just lays there still as a stone while she grabs her ankles and opens wide......till im through...... and thinks that this is lovemaking.

This is a cold hard world, and im a nice person who left my country to try to give this girl a real love, and a better life,.
And she seems to think that what im offering, both in the bed, and in the lifestyle, is just something that is always available as per any man.
So, that is a tragic mental deception she is living inside of, and i would hate for her to end up with less then me, but she is certainly headed in that direction.
I hope she is able to wake up.
I have certainly been trying to shake her out of her haze., and for nearly 5 weeks, all this has accomplished is nothing good.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 04:31:46 AM
Quote
Surely being compared to a whore would offend most women I know.

SW,
Bill's point is vital if you will ever be successful with a lady. One thing for certain is that you can't treat a wife like a music groupie/whore.

There is only one person that matters in the "what someone thinks" category-and it is your wife. You need to adopt actions and a code of respect if you wish to have a wife and not just a convenient whore/music groupie.

So I'd suggest this be the last time you pull back the sheets on your sex life. A MAN never breaks the bond of sexual intimacy by blabbering to his friends, much less posting about it on a public Internet forum. No matter how frustrated you are, she deserves better. That is something a MAN and his wife works out in private or with a professional counselor.


Well,
before you become too self righteous, just realize that this is a blind public forum..
ive named no names, ive given no address, ive posted no pics.
im am simply a voice without a face who is listing undiscoverable events.
so, its no harm and no foul.
Its perfectly acceptable to discuss what im discussing, the way im discussing it.
Its incognito, and its harmless, and probably its the most entertainment value, in a strange way, that has come to this forum in a while.

the fact is.
im stuck.
im stuck in a place i dont want to live.
im stuck with a person that treats me with less affection then she gives her cat, and that is not an opinion.
and i dont want to be stuck.
i came here to love my wife, and i do love her, and she knows this.
i believe the same feelings are returned...
however, there seems to be a disconnect between the idea of marriage that she has, and her ability to perform the act.
the fact is, you dont ignore your husband.
thats rule #1.


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 04:39:53 AM
Still_Water, you are going to have to face the fact that you married a woman you didn't know. The "online" stuff doesn't count; only the face to face stuff does. Now you are married, you have begun to get to know each other. It would seem that she's just not that into you, and for you, any hole is a goal.

The future isn't looking bright here. This is unlikely to be repaired to your mutual satisfaction. Start planning your exit strategy.

Guys: I just removed a couple of comments. Can we tone down the insults please? Engage with the bloke, offer constructive advice, but don't simply insult him.


Hi,

actually, if i dont have sex with her again, im good to go.
and the reason i was describing my issue here using the sex aspect as a lack of love metaphor, is because i was trying to equate lovemaking as the obvious thing that is the elephant in the room.

Im not sexually obsessed.
However, if a woman does not SEEM to enjoy sex with you, then what does that tell you????
Also, if you are newly married, and never had sex prior to the marriage, then what type sex do you think should follow?
And if its nothing at all like what is normal, then you start wondering what is going on..
Then from this , you begin to see all the other things that are also MISSING.
And that is what ive done here.
Ive seen them, and ive had to try to find the reason for the lack.

and then, here on this forum, ive tried to discuss the issues, so that by seeing the issues, you could relate to what is the reality.

so, never think i was looking for a sex toy.
i was looking for my life mate, and someone who would put me first in her life.
and instead of finding this, i have found nothing but signals and signs that i made a hell of a time wasting mistake.

i hope im wrong.
i hope its just a glitch in the cultural connection, ect.


but......
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 05, 2011, 04:51:11 AM
Still_water, may I ask you, are you in Israel now? Or must you use a proxy for some reason?

This hasn't been answered.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ECR844 on October 05, 2011, 06:05:58 AM
The marriage is doomed as much and for as many reasons as those of the original posters dysfunctions; than those the poster alleges his 'wife' has.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 05, 2011, 06:09:24 AM
Quote from: Still_Water
we met online in the summer of 2006.
we decided to meet eventually, but we wanted to take it slow, build a friendship/love online.
so, we did this for 5 years.
starting in 2009 we became serious about meeting, and planned it, but didnt meet till 2011.

There is taking it slow and then there is dead stop, why did it take so long (5 years) before you actually flew out to Israel to meet this lady. No matter how I try and see your point of view here, I cannot fathom out how anyone would wait 5 years to meet a lady of their affections in person  ???
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: MrMann on October 05, 2011, 06:59:42 AM
I fail to see how two people can talk to each other as much as you say you two have, and for so long, and not be able to figure out that you don't actually like each other.

Did u ever buy Chicken Breast in a can?
U cant even find that in Israel, as they dont sell it.

I don't think I've ever seen chicken breast in a can anywhere!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 05, 2011, 07:10:35 AM
The marriage is doomed as much and for as many reasons as those of the original posters dysfunctions; than those the poster alleges his 'wife' has.

Ive not listed any dysfunctions.
Ive merrily stated that by all appearances ive married someone who met me and realized her mistake and tried to make the best of it the first 2 or 3 weeks.

or, ive married someone who is unable to produce very much human romantic normalcy and cant even understand my point of view as she thinks that no touching, no kissing, no hugging , no "hello and good morning", and desiring to stay in her room with the cat vs come into our room and just talk and be together, = normal.

or ive married someone who is having the best time finding out just how much destruction she can bring to an American's life by bringing him here just to toy with his mind and with his emotions as some sort of twisted game.

or, ive married a nut.

or, its just a cultural glitch that im misread as something "wrong".

or, i just have no clue tiphat
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: MBS01 on October 05, 2011, 07:15:39 AM
Still Water:
I just took time to read most of this thread today, soon I have been spending time with my in-laws who are visiting from the FSU and not reading here much these last few days.

To me it is not what you wrote, but what is missing from your writing.  Many here say you should not fall in love with a photo, yet if I understand it the two of you fell in love with 5 years of emails and photos, etc.  Why if you both were looking for love did it take 5 years for one or both of you to even get on a plane and visit?   Were you both broke and unable to even pay for airfare or what?  Did either of you have any thoughts or plans for a future married life and not just a sex life?  Where would you live?  How would you earn a living and create a welcoming and cosy homelife?  Sharing a room in a flat might work for a couple 20 somethings still attending college, but the two of you are much older so how exactly did both or either of you expect to support yourselves and a future family?

Seems after 5 years of so called communications you did not even know each other when you finally agreed to meet and then quickly rushed into marriage.

As to being in a strange country and not being out on your own I do not understand this at all.  During my early adventures in both Russia and Ukraine I was out and about on my own at various times and never got lost and managed to find my way back too.  Again the writing and language in the FSU is entirely different from that in the west yet I expect I was not alone in managing to navigate strange cities and places on my own, something you say you were unable to do.  Why?

Again from what I have read for a couple in their 30's and 40's is seems that neither of you are ready for married life and should quickly move towards divorce if you are unable to discuss and find a way out of what seems to indicate a very poor relationship and sub normal lifestyle for a couple. 

Also if you were online for 5 years and she had a very close boyfriend for 2 of those years on what you state is a very intimate level, why on earth did you fly to meet her and get married knowing this?  That seems very strange indeed.

So good luck as both of you likely need it!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Boris on October 05, 2011, 07:19:39 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 05, 2011, 07:32:07 AM
I can't imagine voluntarily delaying a first meeting for five years. Even more, I can't imagine thinking that you know someone based on virtual togetherness. You don't have a clue that everything that you thought that you know about your wife was disconnected with reality. Now, reality is kicking you in the ass and you are wondering why your wife doesn't match your construct of her. You are wondering what is wrong with Russian women in general and your wife in particular but your relationship problems are mostly about your stubborn delusions, with some contribution by your wife's cool nature.


Ruby from "Cold Mountain":

"Every piece of this is a man's bullshit. They call this a war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather.
Then they stand in the rain and say: 'shit! It's raining!' "
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 05, 2011, 07:46:30 AM
Also if you were online for 5 years and she had a very close boyfriend for 2 of those years on what you state is a very intimate level, why on earth did you fly to meet her and get married knowing this?  That seems very strange indeed.

The very intimate relationship with the former boyfriend suggests that she is capable it.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 05, 2011, 08:04:56 AM
Up-thread it seems that she is a Russian/Jewish girl who lives in a room of the flat belonging to her parents.

Quote
So, since then, i became really sensitized to this reality., and last weekend we were in church. About 4 rows in front, there is a tall brown headed boy, who is really enjoying the worship music. He is sort of dancing in his own way, and i see that my wife is fixated. So, naturally, i get offended, and later, i asked her about this, and she admitted she was "fascinated" by his dancing...."but not in the way you think".....So, i pointed out that starting at any male, >staring<, while with her husband, or BF, is very offensive. Her response is that........."everybody looks".......and that "she does not care if i look".
(bold added)

I look at your rambling above and wonder if:

- you're lying and have accidentally constructed a scene that simply couldn't fit the story. Russian Jews immigrated to Israel in order to enjoy freedom and practice their faith. So really, a Jewish girl going to church?

- or, the girl is giving the marriage more effort than you are willing to admit, attending church with you in spite of being Jewish?

Strange that you'd write about her refusing to go with you to the beach but admit that she is willing to go along with you to church.


Quote
Well, before you become too self righteous, just realize that this is a blind public forum..ive named no names, ive given no address, ive posted no pics.
im am simply a voice without a face who is listing undiscoverable events.
so, its no harm and no foul. Its perfectly acceptable to discuss what im discussing, the way im discussing it. Its incognito, and its harmless, and probably its the most entertainment value, in a strange way, that has come to this forum in a while.
(bold added)

First off, no it is not okay. Again, not something a MAN does. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.

Secondly, are you a "long time reader, first time writer" or as many suspect, a troll?


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Halo on October 05, 2011, 09:24:44 AM
Up-thread it seems that she is a Russian/Jewish girl who lives in a room of the flat belonging to her parents.

Quote
So, since then, i became really sensitized to this reality., and last weekend we were in church. About 4 rows in front, there is a tall brown headed boy, who is really enjoying the worship music. He is sort of dancing in his own way, and i see that my wife is fixated. So, naturally, i get offended, and later, i asked her about this, and she admitted she was "fascinated" by his dancing...."but not in the way you think".....So, i pointed out that starting at any male, >staring<, while with her husband, or BF, is very offensive. Her response is that........."everybody looks".......and that "she does not care if i look".
(bold added)

I look at your rambling above and wonder if:

- you're lying and have accidentally constructed a scene that simply couldn't fit the story. Russian Jews immigrated to Israel in order to enjoy freedom and practice their faith. So really, a Jewish girl going to church?

- or, the girl is giving the marriage more effort than you are willing to admit, attending church with you in spite of being Jewish?

Strange that you'd write about her refusing to go with you to the beach but admit that she is willing to go along with you to church.

There actually is a sizable non Jewish Russian speaking community in Israel.  One Jew in the family, and the whole family emigrates.  There have been a lot of reports on how their insistence on eating pork and salo (pig fat) has driven rabbis to distraction. 

Not to discount your observation, but in my experience, some individuals do not really distinguish, in description, between a church or a synagogue/temple.  Most Jews I know would say they went to temple, not to "the synagogue".

Quote
I recommend deleting the entire thread.  Quite sure this guy is a troll.

No good comes from deleting threads/comments by such a subjective determination.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: rosco on October 05, 2011, 09:36:48 AM
I've taken time to read this thread and being a forum member for around 4 months, its quite frankly the most bizarre discussion I've come across yet. I'm unsure whether your wife is crazy, your crazy or the whole thing is a wind up. However, assuming your in Israel suffering this ordeal, I'll give you my thoughts. I'll also give you the benefit of the doubt regarding your posts, but your ramblings about sex in graphic detail feature unnaturally too often...I'm no prude and this isn't normal regardless of the circumstances.

In short, tie up the loose ends, get an amicable divorce asap and go home to rebuild your life. Suffer the heart ache and head  :censored: no more and get on with your life before you regret dragging your heels. Not easy I'm sure if your emotionally attached, but from the unattached point of view, the situation appears irrecoverable. If all is how you describe, your wife either has issues/problems she won't share with you, which doesn't bode well for a healthy marriage or she simply doesn't love you and doesn't know how to handle the situation she's found herself in.

I'm assuming your in a bad place and emotionally fragile, but look around you, look at the bare facts and look at the quality of your life - grasp the nettle and do what you have to do. In my limited experience, I can't comment on marriage or how relationships change after the vows, but I've found FSU girls to be like any other. Yes, there will be some subtle differences in values here and there but her actions as you describe can't be stereotyped.

You may find this harsh but I'm sure the other guys will agree, sort out the mess, go home and get on with your life.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Steamer on October 05, 2011, 09:37:16 AM

Everything that she does for me, .the feeling is........."lets get this over with".


I don't know you but I feel the same way.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: 2tallbill on October 05, 2011, 01:59:04 PM


Bill,

thx for the response.
i appreciate the fact that you took the time to be thoughtful.

i wish i could say that talking will help.
i wish i could say that i have not tried to talk this issue into submission.
however, she does not want to talk about it, as she feels that talking about an issue that is causing friction is "arguing", and so, she will not talk to me about it.
that is why im talking so much here.

and calming down is difficult at this point, as im isolated in this room which feels now like a prison in the middle of Mars.


You are going through major culture shock. Buy eggs, bread and have
a normal breakfast. You can eat the garbanzo beans, olive oil and
experimental stuff for the other meals.

Ok, here are the options as I see it.

1. Calm down and INSIST that she talk to you about everything. Be calm, be firm.
2. Divorce her and leave.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 05, 2011, 05:25:15 PM
Still_water, may I ask you, are you in Israel now? Or must you use a proxy for some reason?

This hasn't been answered.

Still_Waiting

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Bruce Lee on October 06, 2011, 01:04:20 AM
Still_water, may I ask you, are you in Israel now? Or must you use a proxy for some reason?
The simplest and most obvious reason being he's a troll and has seen just how easy it is to generate lengths of pages on this forum with a good old juicy train wreak story either that or he's writing a soft-core porn novel and fishing for ideas. Anyway, I'm surprised its only 5 pages so far :o

In the outside chance this is actually a true story I apologize ahead of time!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: leslied on October 06, 2011, 02:18:53 AM
Walks like a duck?  Quacks like a duck??  Is a duck!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ChrisE on October 06, 2011, 02:42:41 AM
Wonder why JC hasn't commented yet? Because I would bet it is JC who probably wrote this! I think it was the troll comment made this observation come to mind.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 04:02:40 AM
Quote from: Still_Water
we met online in the summer of 2006.
we decided to meet eventually, but we wanted to take it slow, build a friendship/love online.
so, we did this for 5 years.
starting in 2009 we became serious about meeting, and planned it, but didnt meet till 2011.

There is taking it slow and then there is dead stop, why did it take so long (5 years) before you actually flew out to Israel to meet this lady. No matter how I try and see your point of view here, I cannot fathom out how anyone would wait 5 years to meet a lady of their affections in person  ???

it was a 2-fold situation..
one, i was recovering from an auto-immune disorder.
by about the end of 2009 i was much better, but i was waiting to make sure i was well before i left the country.
i had to be sure i was going into this relationship with good health, as i knew that it would be such a change for me to invest my life into marrying a culturally different person, as well as leaving my country to live in hers.
So, i knew that this.......^^^^^^^^^ would be some incredible stress the first few months, and unfortunately my health issue tends to flair when im under extreme stress..
So, i was making sure all my systems were "go" before i went..

and also,
she is a nurse.
so, she understood the waiting, and so, was very patient.

and also,
was trying to sell a house.
this is not the best last few years to be trying to do it...

so, all of the above caused at least 2 years delay.
i regret this, but, i had to deal with these 2 issues before i could leave and feel that all my loose ends were tied together.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 04:23:42 AM
I fail to see how two people can talk to each other as much as you say you two have, and for so long, and not be able to figure out that you don't actually like each other.



Its not a question of like.
It is a question of lifestyle that was not understood until i met this girl.

I think that most american men are use to women who are affectionate.
Dont you agree that this is a fact?
We are use to women that LIKE to kiss and hug, ...and who LIKE to come home to their man and give him a sweet greeting..
Just simple things like this..............American males are use to it..
We are use to a woman making a bit of a fuss over us....
"can i get yo u some tea".
"how was your day".
"did you sleep well".

just simple affection.

and this girl does not have a clue.
not....................a .........................clue.

she seems to only understand being pushed unto her back and undressed.
But simple things like holding hands, or just touching,.........she is clueless.

And so, its taken me a while to try to believe that anyone, any girl, could not understand what romance and affection is all about., and when i was not getting any, i began to think that she just didnt want to be with me,........that there is just no spark.
However, im not sure about this, even till today,.........and the reason i came here, is because i felt that there were some Men here who were married to Russian women, who would say........."well, yeah, Russian girls are a bit different then US girls, in that they are not very touchy feely, and dont tend to really compliment the man, or even seem to need any affection other then just "here i am when you want sex".

This girl has no idea how to even say ...."thank you".
I'll give you an example.
We were in Tel Aviv in the mall and i took her to a few shops and bought her some very pretty earrings.
spent some change.
Did she say thank you?
nope.
So, later, i pointed this out, and of course she became offended.
But that is backwards, as im the one that bought the jewelry and was not even given a kiss or a thank you.
And last night.
I took her shopping for shoes.
Actually we went for me, but i could not find any, and she saw some that she liked and i bought them of course.
So, we leave, and do i get a thank you?
hahahahahah.
so, i stopped her in the street, and finally said.........."you need to say THANK YOU".
So she did.
But that is not how it should be.
So, this girl just has no idea how to behave.........she has no clue.
And she is so smart, so intelligent, , but regarding manners, she cant find her way out of the dark.

So, after i became offended at the fact that i was getting no affection, just sort of bored sex and then not much else, i thought that i had made a mistake.
I guess the fact that i had the idea, based on how this girl talked about her last relationship........that she and the fella were very close, and spent all their free time together.
And based on this, and how she gave clues regarding their sex life.............i began to compare what i knew to what i was getting, and from there the serious arguments started.
And because she is a Russian, ...........apparently she has a real issue with talking about the really personal stuff in her past, and even resents or becomes frustrated with a man that would seek to find out details that could at least set my mind at ease.


For example.

She absolutely didnt want to sleep with me at night in the same room or in the same bed.
This started the 4th day i was here.
And i had no idea she would feel this way, and so the night she just looked at me with no emotion and said........."ok, im going into the small room to sleep"..
And im like........"WHAT"?
So, it was not only that she was going to go to another room at night, it was that she didnt even try to discuss it with me, or explain it....it was just a cut and dried decision that she made and sprung on me.
And THAT is one of the issues i have with this girl, in that she makes a decision that affects our relationship, and instead of taking a few mins to explain her reason or reasoning, she just informs me of the plan.
And THAT does not work for me.
I have to know WHY someone just decides out of the blue that we can no longer be in the same room at night.
And what man would not react the same?

So, as she began doing these things...........not sleeping in the room, or, suddenly needing to have a lot of alone time.........i started simply saying that if she didnt do it to her last BF, she was not going to treat me this way, especially after i married her, and he didnt, and i flew 5000 miles and left my country to be with her.
So, these 2 issues became a shouting match for about 4 weeks, which led to the rest of the issues., of which this dead sex act she has been giving me, is another of my issues.
Coz i know she was not doing this with her last BF.

Now, im not trying to get her to tell me what she was doing with the last BF.
All i was trying to get her to SEE, and to UNDERSTAND, was that i was being treated with less love, treated to less sex, and in general being left isolated, in a way she never did this with him, and im not going to have it.
And has there been a war since i told her this?
You cant imagine.
But, i mean what i say.
I didnt come her to be treated as if im some damn roommate.
Im her husband, and i have rights, and most especially im not going to be left knowing that im getting less of her in all ways then that last BF had access to....
So, she can ither love me, and treat me with respect and affection,....in the same regard that she gave the last BF, or she can find one of you here to ignore., coz i wont be ignored and i wont be left stuck in a situation that is easily resolved if she will just take the time and effort to make me feel loved.
I do it for her, and she is going to do it for me.
If not, ...."ciao".

There are a lot of nice women in this world who would love to have a man who is kind, attentive, cooks, cleans, cares, and gives great lovemaking.
I am very good at relationships, and im faithful...
So, if this girl wants to end up with some lying, 2-timing, binge drinking, money chasing tool, who thinks that women are good for nothing but slavery, then she is going to realize way too late exactly what she married, mistreated, and lost.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 04:28:57 AM
 :dh:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Vinnvinny on October 06, 2011, 04:32:20 AM
There are a lot of nice women in this world who would love to have a man who is kind, attentive, cooks, cleans, cares, and gives great lovemaking.

Agreed. So run at past us again, why did you marry this one?  :reading:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 04:44:59 AM
Also if you were online for 5 years and she had a very close boyfriend for 2 of those years on what you state is a very intimate level, why on earth did you fly to meet her and get married knowing this?  That seems very strange indeed.

The very intimate relationship with the former boyfriend suggests that she is capable it.

I think she was capable of a lot of things with the last BF.
He was sort of her idea of a knight in shining armor.
And whats more, ....i think that what has happened to this girl, is that she is just sort of sexually worn out.
I think this last BF mounted her so much, and required so much satisfaction, that at some point in their 2 years of sex frenzy, she just burned out a clutch, and became just a sort of servant.
And that is why with me, her sex is exactly like a girl who is worn beyond her ability to ever treat sex as fresh or new or magical.
For her, as she was so ridden and used, ..that even at 27, she was sort of turned into nothing but a girl that now only has sex as a chore.
Even after 5 years of no sex......and even with a man who is brand new to her and has taken so much time with her trying to give her a LOT of satisfaction.
Im a good lover, and i know how to please a woman, and this girl, .........u just cant please her, as no matter what you do, she has been there and done that so many times, that its all just sort of dull.
That is what i found., and that is what i have tried to comprehend.., and it been a real Mind  to deal with it, and not take it very personally.
She absolutely does not have sex as a girl that likes it a lot............but rather as a ......"well, its time to take care of him, coz here he is again".
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.
And so, i was taking this personally, but in fact, she is just used up..............this can happen.
And this is why she gave me the lecture recently about........"so how do you like MARRIAGE SEX".
Its because to her, ...after having to service this last BF in such a continual and continuous regard, she is now unable to have any type of freshness to her lovemaking, as she was worn into a place by him, that sex became sort of a chore and a burden.

This is sad, as she is only 33, and im only her 4th BF.

That last BF must have been one continual erection.
Apparently.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ECR844 on October 06, 2011, 04:52:01 AM
Have you ever considered the possibility that your woman requires other elements of the realtionship to be more fulfilling, satisfying, and stable in order to enjoy having an intimate relationship with you?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Vinnvinny on October 06, 2011, 04:55:09 AM
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.

"? That would explain a lot.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 05:02:06 AM
Still Water:
I just took time to read most of this thread today, soon I have been spending time with my in-laws who are visiting from the FSU and not reading here much these last few days.

To me it is not what you wrote, but what is missing from your writing.  Many here say you should not fall in love with a photo, yet if I understand it the two of you fell in love with 5 years of emails and photos, etc.  Why if you both were looking for love did it take 5 years for one or both of you to even get on a plane and visit?   Were you both broke and unable to even pay for airfare or what?  Did either of you have any thoughts or plans for a future married life and not just a sex life?  Where would you live?  How would you earn a living and create a welcoming and cosy homelife?  Sharing a room in a flat might work for a couple 20 somethings still attending college, but the two of you are much older so how exactly did both or either of you expect to support yourselves and a future family?

Seems after 5 years of so called communications you did not even know each other when you finally agreed to meet and then quickly rushed into marriage.

As to being in a strange country and not being out on your own I do not understand this at all.  During my early adventures in both Russia and Ukraine I was out and about on my own at various times and never got lost and managed to find my way back too.  Again the writing and language in the FSU is entirely different from that in the west yet I expect I was not alone in managing to navigate strange cities and places on my own, something you say you were unable to do.  Why?

Again from what I have read for a couple in their 30's and 40's is seems that neither of you are ready for married life and should quickly move towards divorce if you are unable to discuss and find a way out of what seems to indicate a very poor relationship and sub normal lifestyle for a couple. 

Also if you were online for 5 years and she had a very close boyfriend for 2 of those years on what you state is a very intimate level, why on earth did you fly to meet her and get married knowing this?  That seems very strange indeed.

So good luck as both of you likely need it!


Hi,

thanx.

actually, everything about the relationship regarding where we will live, and how we will survive, was solved years ago.
Money has been saved to buy a home, and both of us are skilled professionals.
Once she is allowed to come to the USA legally, the easy part will begin.
What is difficult is trying to understand how a person could be so unlike how they described themselves..
She is nothing at all as she said.

and i can promise  you that i am exactly as she imagined.
i told her exactly what i would expect, what i would require, and how i am.
And i have performed my role exactly as i said, and she would agree.

But for her part.
The one thing that she always told me was that in life she was very affectionate..
But, she's not.
She is sort of in her own world, and sometimes she can focus on me, but mostly that is if im pointing out that she isnt.

Of course reading about my issue on a forum is very 2D.
Its impossible for me to write enough details so that any reader can fully fathom what is going on here.

I'll tell you something that is just nutz.
I was so starved for affection by the 5th week i was here, that one night i opened the door to find her grabbing her cat and hugging him as if he is the husband.
I was just staring at this girl holding and hugging this cat,........and this is the same girl who tells me........"well, i dont really know how to be affectionate".
So, i pointed out that she can love a cat in the exact way she cant love her husband.
But its a fact.
This girl has exactly the right approach to affection, as long as its the cat.

Bizarre..

Bizarre and of course, frustrating.
Frustrating to find that my wife can cuddle with a damn cat, but has no clue how or why to do this with her husband.
GeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeZ
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 06, 2011, 05:02:26 AM
Still_Water, if you and your wife are for real  (:)... your wife probably doesn't want to be affectionate with you because she knows that you will tell the whole god damned world about it. You're lucky I do not own this message board, you would have been gone after your first post.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 05:08:07 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.

2nd, nothing about my posts are incoherent, nor do they ramble.

Ive stated, simply, that this girl has no normal affection, and ive tried to understand it, and deal.
however, i dont want to deal, i want to have a normal love life.
And for some reason, "normal" to this girl means, separate beds, separate rooms, ...lots of time alone, never sharing a meal, ...
in other words, ...........im married to a roommate, and this seems to be her idea of love.
Its not mine.

My idea of love is very simple.
She becomes my world, and i become hers.
We are one with no place for a "single" mindset.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: rosco on October 06, 2011, 05:10:04 AM
Also if you were online for 5 years and she had a very close boyfriend for 2 of those years on what you state is a very intimate level, why on earth did you fly to meet her and get married knowing this?  That seems very strange indeed.

The very intimate relationship with the former boyfriend suggests that she is capable it.

I think she was capable of a lot of things with the last BF.
He was sort of her idea of a knight in shining armor.
And whats more, ....i think that what has happened to this girl, is that she is just sort of sexually worn out.
I think this last BF mounted her so much, and required so much satisfaction, that at some point in their 2 years of sex frenzy, she just burned out a clutch, and became just a sort of servant.
And that is why with me, her sex is exactly like a girl who is worn beyond her ability to ever treat sex as fresh or new or magical.
For her, as she was so ridden and used, ..that even at 27, she was sort of turned into nothing but a girl that now only has sex as a chore.
Even after 5 years of no sex......and even with a man who is brand new to her and has taken so much time with her trying to give her a LOT of satisfaction.
Im a good lover, and i know how to please a woman, and this girl, .........u just cant please her, as no matter what you do, she has been there and done that so many times, that its all just sort of dull.
That is what i found., and that is what i have tried to comprehend.., and it been a real Mind  to deal with it, and not take it very personally.
She absolutely does not have sex as a girl that likes it a lot............but rather as a ......"well, its time to take care of him, coz here he is again".
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.
And so, i was taking this personally, but in fact, she is just used up..............this can happen.
And this is why she gave me the lecture recently about........"so how do you like MARRIAGE SEX".
Its because to her, ...after having to service this last BF in such a continual and continuous regard, she is now unable to have any type of freshness to her lovemaking, as she was worn into a place by him, that sex became sort of a chore and a burden.

This is sad, as she is only 33, and im only her 4th BF.

That last BF must have been one continual erection.
Apparently.


Nice rant.  :D

That's a fairly unhealthy view you've taken on your beloved wife and there's every chance she would call it different given a chance. Guys love to go on the ego trip and claim penis size, previous boyfriends, sexual satisfaction etc but it seldom ever is with most women. Sounds like she may have other problems or as has already been suggested, she's simply made a mistake and not into you. Don't be stubborn, accept it, see if you can talk it through rationally with our accusing her of anything on a sexual level and if all fails, walk away and start over. Life's short so don't waste it here and go find a woman who will make you happy.

Sounds like its game over to me, we're not talking about disagreements over who's side of the bed it is?!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 06, 2011, 05:16:41 AM
Up-thread it seems that she is a Russian/Jewish girl who lives in a room of the flat belonging to her parents.

Quote
So, since then, i became really sensitized to this reality., and last weekend we were in church. About 4 rows in front, there is a tall brown headed boy, who is really enjoying the worship music. He is sort of dancing in his own way, and i see that my wife is fixated. So, naturally, i get offended, and later, i asked her about this, and she admitted she was "fascinated" by his dancing...."but not in the way you think".....So, i pointed out that starting at any male, >staring<, while with her husband, or BF, is very offensive. Her response is that........."everybody looks".......and that "she does not care if i look".
(bold added)

I look at your rambling above and wonder if:

- you're lying and have accidentally constructed a scene that simply couldn't fit the story. Russian Jews immigrated to Israel in order to enjoy freedom and practice their faith. So really, a Jewish girl going to church?

- or, the girl is giving the marriage more effort than you are willing to admit, attending church with you in spite of being Jewish?

Strange that you'd write about her refusing to go with you to the beach but admit that she is willing to go along with you to church.


Quote
Well, before you become too self righteous, just realize that this is a blind public forum..ive named no names, ive given no address, ive posted no pics.
im am simply a voice without a face who is listing undiscoverable events.
so, its no harm and no foul. Its perfectly acceptable to discuss what im discussing, the way im discussing it. Its incognito, and its harmless, and probably its the most entertainment value, in a strange way, that has come to this forum in a while.
(bold added)

First off, no it is not okay. Again, not something a MAN does. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.

Secondly, are you a "long time reader, first time writer" or as many suspect, a troll?


im not a troll.

She wanted to take me to church because she wants me to involve myself with this group so that i will spend time there and not be home all the time arguing with her about why she ignores me.
Really.

she had this idea that if she can get me gone............then she can have that free time and quiet time she is trying to possess.
So, the church idea was not for the benefit of the service, but with hopes they would give me a job there playing in the worship group.
She hoped i would sort of turn to this and spend my time doing it, and in this way, im home a lot less, which gives her that free time she is always trying to maintain.

really.


and the boy story, is a fact.
it was after this incident, that she told me that ......"everybody looks, and i dont mind if you look".

So, all this did was confirm to me that this girl has an eye problem that cant be fixed with bi-focals.

Imagine if  your girlfriend or boyfriend,.......after you caught them staring at some opposite sex, then tells you........"well, everybody does it, so, i dont mind if you do it".

geez.
AT LEAST DENY IT.

what will she tell me next.??
"Well, everybody has affairs"
"Well, everybody downloads porn".


ext.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Ade on October 06, 2011, 05:20:19 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.

2nd, nothing about my posts are incoherent, nor do they ramble.

Ive stated, simply, that this girl has no normal affection, and ive tried to understand it, and deal.
however, i dont want to deal, i want to have a normal love life.
And for some reason, "normal" to this girl means, separate beds, separate rooms, ...lots of time alone, never sharing a meal, ...
in other words, ...........im married to a roommate, and this seems to be her idea of love.
Its not mine.

My idea of love is very simple.
She becomes my world, and i become hers.
We are one with no place for a "single" mindset.

No matter who is at fault here, it is fairly obvious that you don't have a marriage worth saving, or in fact, a marriage at all in the traditional sense. Divorce and go back to the US (not necessarily in that order). You will both be happy for it.

Going by your posts I would say that you have at the very least some serious personal issues you need to work on. You also don't seem to be at the top of the class in terms of social aptitude. Consider a therapist/counselor.

FWIW, in my experience, normal Russian women are open, warm and affectionate people although they can come across a little stand offish to strangers. Those with psychological problems are as messed up as Western women with the same.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 06, 2011, 06:01:21 AM
You are telling us only your part of your "love" story. And it looks that you have very serious health, emotional and psychological problems which may lead to very serious swings of mood. And everything you say is all about "I". But family is "WE". And don't blame only her, try to figure out what you are doing wrong.

Do you know how she feels living with you? You say she is never at home. She has to work to survive , and many people in Israel keep two jobs to survive. You say about food. Food is very good in that part of the world, it's healthy and delicious. If you are 'junk' food eater, that's not her problem.

You came to your new country to live, how are you going to survive there? Did you apply for any kind of job? I have a friend who immigrated to that country a number of years ago.  He was a high rank musician, and the only job he found was a piano player at the restaurant, plus full time job at the factory. You stay there for almost two months, and instead of whining, better keep your family alive or go to US.

I fully understand your wife, she comes home tired, needs some good rest at night. She cannot sleep with you probably because you snore, or have some other sleep disorder, torture her with sex, and she needs to work tomorrow.

Both of you suffer from the lack of communication.  You think you know each other ,... but you know nothing about each other. She cannot even feel safe with you. One time you said she was a musician like you, now she is a nurse. how come? 

If you feel uncomfortable, unloved, not needed and not wanted, what are you doing there? You spent 5 years of your life for cyber love , you wasted your money and time, and you never found time to see the girl in person before getting married, all this sounds very sick to me, sorry to say. If you like someone try to meet that person as soon as possible in real life.

I am surprised that the fact that the girl is with you on the internet every evening, and has a boyfriend at the same time, doesn't stop you. Don't blame her, blame only yourself.

I consider your posts about your intimate life with her very offensive. It's family and it should stay in the family unless you want to consult a psychologist .

[edit 2tallbill, I put in a some blank lines to make krassies post easier to read]
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Boris on October 06, 2011, 06:10:13 AM
Great post, Krassie. Welcome. A must read for the single guys who are looking. Just for the record I like to "torture" my wife with sex, too.  :chuckle:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Vinnvinny on October 06, 2011, 07:13:45 AM
Just for the record I like to "torture" my wife with sex, too.  :chuckle:

This torturing your wife business is well overrated in my opinion, a bit like Beyonce. (:)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Boris on October 06, 2011, 07:22:32 AM
Just for the record I like to "torture" my wife with sex, too.  :chuckle:


This torturing your wife business is well overrated in my opinion, a bit like Beyonce. (:)

I can understand how your partners would feel it was torture and overrated.  :P

Bada boom.

I prefer Rhianna..
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 06, 2011, 08:04:41 AM
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.


I believe that the reverse is true: that an abundant and satisfying sex/lovelife tends to increase a woman's libido, rather than to wear her out. Blaming the 18-year-old sex machine isn't going to help anything, especially considering that the problem probably doesn't lie between the sheets in any case. The old saw that sex is a barometer of the health of a relationship is built around a kernal of truth. Unfortunately, you are trying to change the calibration of said barometer instead of dealing with the core issues.

On a slightly different but somewhat related note, it wouldn't surprise me if the boy who was dancing in the church was more than just someone who reminded her of her ex.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: andrewfi on October 06, 2011, 08:26:01 AM
Forget the sex, forget the location, forget pretty much everything.

If you want to understand if a person has 'issues' then look at what they tell you about eating.

Seriously!

The human body can digest many things. Our choices of what to eat or not are, absent rare allergy issues, conditioned by our own heads.

This is a bloke who has told us can not eat properly because he is unable to obtain a particular brand of canned meat from a particular shop. (I am sure that he IS eating and that back home he did eat food other than canned chicken from Walmart but it is indicative that he needed to mention it and that he sees the kind of food around him as an issue.)

A person who is THIS picky about his food has waaay bigger issues going on. To be honest, of all the things this person has written it is about the only thing on which one can rely for truth.

If he is telling a story that is true from his perspective then whatever else he needs to do he needs to address the issues that lead to his food obsession, doing so will likely help with the other stuff too.
Just as a sanity check, how many adults who were really picky eaters have you ever known who did not have other serious symptoms of something or other?

=========================

Tom, your point about libido is certainly true in cases where the sex is enjoyed but if it is not then libido tends to fall away and will only be restored when sex is once again pleasurable.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 06, 2011, 08:29:27 AM
Andrew, +1.

You are spot on about the food disorders and how they often reveal much larger issues.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 06, 2011, 08:30:43 AM
Quote
2nd, nothing about my posts are incoherent, nor do they ramble.

So in addition to broke musician you're also a stand up comic!  :chuckle:   :ROFL:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 06, 2011, 08:31:09 AM
If he ain't a cannibal, he's normal by our standards.

Anyway, people with certain auto-immune disorders have to be careful about what they eat.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Anteros on October 06, 2011, 09:18:39 AM
You are telling us only your part of your "love" story. And it looks that you have very serious health, emotional and psychological problems which may lead to very serious swings of mood.

I consider your posts about your intimate life with her very offensive. It's family and it should stay in the family unless you want to consult a psychologist.

 :dh:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 06, 2011, 10:32:37 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.

One of the things mods here do is randomly check data of those with stories such as this. It just makes sure that the member is not an old banned member returning, a spammer or some other internet undesirable. I asked you your location a while back because it seemed unusual; because I had looked already where you appeared to be coming from.

Now, I don't doubt your story. It has too much detail to be fake IMO. However, I am confused about the location issue.

Do me a favour, go here: http://www.ip-address.org/ and I bet it doesn't say you are in Israel.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: andrewfi on October 06, 2011, 02:00:02 PM
If he ain't a cannibal, he's normal by our standards.

Anyway, people with certain auto-immune disorders have to be careful about what they eat.

I am sure he ain't a cannibal, but do you think that eating canned chicken breast from Walmart is a recognised treatment for any autoimmune illnesses?
It is that level of detail that is telling. It means that it is important enough for him that in the midst of all this crap this is yet another thing onerous enough to add to the list of misery - yet look at how trivial it really is?

If his previous illnesses were so significant now that he can eat only canned chicken breast from Walmart I douubt that his quack would have let him make a trip of the kind he has suggested he has taken.

Dunno about Israel but even in this benighted little country I can go to a supermarket and have a choice of tinned chicken breast and that in a country where convenience food is much less common than in the Home of the Brave. I doubt that Israel is any less forthcoming than my home base!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 06, 2011, 02:24:34 PM
... but do you think that eating canned chicken breast from Walmart is a recognised treatment for any autoimmune illnesses?

I have no idea. My comment was based on my observations of a girl who had fibromyalgia. Lots of foods gave her adverse reactions but meat and potatoes never affected her. Her doctor speculated that the problem might be connected to her auto-immune disorder; he may or may not have been correct.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 06, 2011, 04:34:27 PM
This is a bloke who has told us can not eat properly because he is unable to obtain a particular brand of canned meat from a particular shop. (I am sure that he IS eating and that back home he did eat food other than canned chicken from Walmart but it is indicative that he needed to mention it and that he sees the kind of food around him as an issue.)

A person who is THIS picky about his food has waaay bigger issues going on. To be honest, of all the things this person has written it is about the only thing on which one can rely for truth.

Some time ago, you and I were lamenting that "proper" bacon and sausages cannot be found in Estonia which is why we import. You also missed several other things from the UK that I made available on one of my road trips. Branston, etc.

Isn't this the same?

We may chortle at the idea of chicken in a can. No, I didn't know it existed either. But if I were stuck in Israel, I might crave a Daily Mail and a bacon butty on proper toast with brown sauce. Isn't this the same?
Title: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: 2tallbill on October 06, 2011, 05:49:12 PM
This is a bloke who has told us can not eat properly because he is unable to obtain a particular brand of canned meat from a particular shop. (I am sure that he IS eating and that back home he did eat food other than canned chicken from Walmart but it is indicative that he needed to mention it and that he sees the kind of food around him as an issue.)

A person who is THIS picky about his food has waaay bigger issues going on. To be honest, of all the things this person has written it is about the only thing on which one can rely for truth.

Some time ago, you and I were lamenting that "proper" bacon and sausages cannot be found in Estonia which is why we import. You also missed several other things from the UK that I made available on one of my road trips. Branston, etc.

Isn't this the same?

We may chortle at the idea of chicken in a can. No, I didn't know it existed either. But if I were stuck in Israel, I might crave a Daily Mail and a bacon butty on proper toast with brown sauce. Isn't this the same?

Yeah, I see him as suffering from culture shock. Everyone tells about the girls getting it and complaining
about seemingly silly things like people smiling at them for no reason, is there some reason to think
that guys don't get it either? 

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ChrisE on October 06, 2011, 06:49:06 PM
Israel really can be quite a culture shock to people from the west who have had little or no exposure to Jewish law. It's sort of a double whammy because it's also basically a middle eastern country with the related diet of local foods, climate, etc.

 My first time there I was definately not fully prepared for what I was about to experience. The saving force was the number of people who spoke English, and the many Americans who had become Israeli citizens. It took a while getting used to not having bacon or ham for breakfast, not mixing meat and dairy, the amount of olives and persimmons,  and Saturday being the Shabat among many other things. But on the flip side, after the first month of so, I had made many friends and assimilated well into the lifestyle and culture, as well as coming to really love the country and people.

So as far as culture shock goes, Israel can be a doozy for many. But there are so many people who are happy to hold out their hands to help and just be friends, not assimilating well after 3 months is hardly possible unless a person is a "schmuck" to begin with.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 05:31:56 AM
I've taken time to read this thread

In short, tie up the loose ends, get an amicable divorce asap and go home to rebuild your life. Suffer the heart ache and head  :censored: no more and get on with your life before you regret dragging your heels. Not easy I'm sure if your emotionally attached, but from the unattached point of view, the situation appears irrecoverable. If all is how you describe, your wife either has issues/problems she won't share with you, which doesn't bode well for a healthy marriage or she simply doesn't love you and doesn't know how to handle the situation she's found herself in.



Hi,

thanx for reading and responding.
i appreciate your considered thoughts and opinions.

I'll tell ya.
its weird here.
For those of you who travel abroad and are from the states, i can tell you that the Hebrew world experience is different.
Maybe i just dont understand the "euro" mindset at all, and perhaps, the Hebrew mindset is stunningly different then the French or the Italian, however, just in case its sort of similiar regarding behavior all over Europe, i can tell anyone who is considering travel to Israel....
These people are rude.
The entire lifestyle here is much more frentic and frenzy then in the US.
Ive never seen people behave as these do here.
They are loud, they dont seem to recognize the idea of "public behavior", and ive never been in a place that has so many angry horn blowing drivers.
In short, the Israel experience is one that does not understand the idea of "polite" or "considerate".
Its a free for all.
And if this is how the Euro experience is in general, then you can have it.
I dont like it.
I prefer manners and consideration.
Here, there is none.
I honestly feel like im in a weird version of '1951 America, except the Mayberry town is full of very rude people.
Is this Europe?...Russia?....
Geez..

Now about what you wrote.

Do you believe in "Freudian slips'?

Well, a few times my wife has said something in anger or frustration, and when this happens, she'll say something that is disconnected from the persona she has built for me.
And perhaps, this is where the trouble lies...
It very well could be that she has created for me this idea of herself that she recognized that i wanted her to be based on how i explained myself over the years.
So, she sort of flexed to this idea online, thinking that this would get me to come.
And it did.....but the issue afterwards was that there is a difference between talking about affection and being affectionate.
There is a difference between seeming to be, and being.

I think she created an idea of herself to win me, but the real her is the Russian girl who does not really function well with regards to romance, affection, or even simple togetherness.
I think her idea of togetherness, means we are in the same apartment.
Something like that.

But im an American.
And Americans need their women to be very attentive., and this one is very attentive, but on her schedule, which is a very limited basis.
She loves to be with me for about an hour.
The other 14 hrs she is awake she would prefer to be playing her piano, or organizing her closet for the 25th time, or perhaps cooking some new pie idea.
And i can feel her frustration when she is forced to be around me a lot.
I can feel the tension, and i can feel the stress.
Its so obvious.

Let me ask you a question.
Is this a lie?

you tell me.


We were having an argument about a month ago.
She had left that morning for work and we were very angry, both.
She was not even willing to stay in a room with me.
So, she came home at 10:30- noon.
At about 11:20 i sort of chased her down and told her i needed to go somewhere, and needed to do it at 11:30.
So, very angrily she said......."im not going now, but i'll take you at 11:45a.
So , i left the room, and waited till 12, and she never came to get me and never left the room.
At 12:03 i found her and she was getting her dad ready to go.
Now keep in mind i was told , 11:45, and this is now 12:03.
So, i cornered her and said, "whats up", i was waiting for you outside at 11:45 and you didnt come.
She told me..."i had no plan to take you anywhere at 11:45"...........AND WHY????...."we are not talking, we are not getting along".

So, what is that?

here is another one.
Is this a lie?

3 days ago, she was in a panic because she lost track of her Visa account and a huge payment came due, and that morning she is freaking out.
She asked me for about $800USD to cover it, and i saw the account and she was right.
She had forgotten to defer the date, and so, it caught up with her as she forgot it.
So, she came home after writing me a letter that she left asking me to let her know.
So, i wrote her one back and talked about the fact that the night before she was telling me to get my ticket and fly my ass back to the USA.
So, here the very next day, she is telliing me i need to help her with the debt, as i helped create it.......
So, In my note i wrote about most of the things i have discussed here.........the lack of affection, the weird dead sex, the past boyfriend and how she deals with me vs him........I talked about the boy in church, i talked about all the stuff you have read.
At the end of the note, i told her it was impossible for me to get a $1550 Delta Ticket and pay the $800 to ship my stuff and give her the $800 she required.
She read the note, and never came to my room to answer me or discuss it.
So, later, maybe 20 mins after she was home and i knew she had time to read it, i went into her room and said......"so what".
Long story short, she accused me of being a bad person who would not help her with OUR debt.
I informed her of the fact that i was told to LEAVE that very morning as well as the night before, and so, what about that.
She informed me that the debt was there, no matter if i left, and so, that was her concept of it.
Then she told me to never mind, coz she had asked her mother, and her mother agreed to help.
So, i said, WHAT.!!!!!!!, and then i said, did you tell her i would not help???..........she replied "YES, i told her you would not help so i had to ask her".
I hit an orbit.
I think i found Uranus.
I told her are u out of your mind?.....what are you doing telling your mother i wont help.......when i told you that i cant if i have to leave..........so, now you mother only has part of the picture you painted that leaves out the fact i was told to LEAVE........so, i said, YOU WILL CORRRECT THIS ISSUE, YOU WILL TELL YOUR MOTHER ALL OF THE FACTS.....blah blah blah, and she refused, so i went and got the mother and confronted my wife with the whole story, or tried, but then after 15 seconds, my wife  just angrily left the room.
So, for the next 5 mins, i carefully explained to the mother that i would certainly help with the debt, and i would never leave the debt and run, ect.....and i explained that the daughter had asked me to leave (in anger), and so, i was kind stuck.
After this is all over, i go and take a break, only to find the mother and the daughter still in the living room.
So, i took the wife back to her room and told her what i just told you.
From there we went to the bank to withdraw the funds.
now here is the catch.............when we were driving my wife informed me that her mother "almost asked me why you didnt pay the debt""""""...............So reader....do you see???...............do you see it?..........she never actually told her mother i would not pay it......It was just manipulation that went awry............and later i asked her why she told me she had told her mom i would not pay it, and my wife denied she ever said this....

and of course, im still not functioning on all cylinders after being told that its "ok if i look at women," after ive confronted my wife about her looking at men...............i still cant quite swallow that one down, but i have tried to just dismiss it..
Difficult.
Am i jealous, possessive?
no.
Im just concerned that i dont get burned in an unfaithful fire after ive left the life i knew, flew 5,000 miles, and married a stranger to give her the ability to come to the USA and have a real life.
So, to be burned by a player, ........hummmm.
Id go to jail fellas.
It would be too much to bear, ..to know that i was so used and violated.
So, if u read about me in the Isralie times, you'll know what this crazy girl did to set off that passion play.

I dont want to know that my wife admits to looking at men.
Yuck.
there is honesty, and there is diplomacy, and there are times you dont admit some things...
You know?
I sure you, the reader, look at the opposite sex.......but do you tell your mate she or he can and you dont care?
Dont lie.
U dont want to know your mate is looking at others.
C'mon.
So, give me a break.
That was some info i didnt want to hear.
Much like........"How do you like marriage sex, its not like meeting someone for the first time, is it"...

And this one......^^^^^^^^^^^^, later she told me......."well, i didnt mean i had experience with a lot of one night stands or even ONCE, but what i meant was , in a general way, if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend who you dont live with, and you have a date, ...ect.

In a way,, all this is just too funny to believe, however, im not making it up.........it is my life, currently.


Today was wild.
I found out that the yearly "car service" she had planned is not a requirement, so, i told her that as i can change oil, and top of the fluids, i dont think we need to spend $500 for the "service".
She freaked.
Told me that to sell the car , we have to have this service every year, so that there is a paper trail that will help the future buyer to feel confident.
I again said........."but i can change the oil, and do all the rest, except for the brake pads, and i can probably do those".
= fell on deaf ears.........she just turned off, and would not talk, and avoided me for 2 hours, and told me that there was no way i was going with her when she went.
Later.
I go.
The place is closed for some holiday they are having here.
So, we go "shopping", and she is moody, and edgy, and im trying to lay low.
About 40 mins into the hardware store walkaround, i just went and sat in the office chair section.
After about 15 mins, i went to find her, and guess what.
She had bought a few item and left the store.
So, im now in a mood, as i dont like to be left without a clue..., and so im just standing in the middle of the store when i see her way down the aisle walking briskly, back to me...... looking for me.
I catch up and she tells me......"i looked for you and could not find you, so i purchased the stuff, took it to the car, and moved the car.""""

Diagnosis=
She didnt have time to do all that and search for me...
See,...
I was in a chair, right by the center aisle, and could not be missed, (unless you didnt look).............get it?
So, i think she left, and move the car so that i could realize all this, and sit there in fumes.
And did i mention that when she told me......."well, i could not find you"....i told her......"why would i have gone to the car as you suggested when i told you before i left that i was not taking my KEYS.........so, did you think i would be SITTING ON THE CAR :fighting0025:


Ok.
im sure there is more to come.
stay tuned.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ECR844 on October 07, 2011, 05:51:58 AM
In the future please don't compose your musing's like a 14yo sending extended text messages. It makes reading your drivel that much harder to to do for the avg forum goer and does not reflect positively on you..
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 05:56:39 AM
In the future please don't compose your musing's like a 14yo sending extended text messages. It makes reading your drivel that much harder to to do for the avg forum goer and does not reflect positively on you..

If you have attention deficit disorder, then is that my fault?

what you should do, is take you time with what i write, and just try to take it all in.
Try a bright light, and maybe a cup of coffee.
If this does not help, then try one of the other Threads that are more suited to your attention span.

regards,


S_W
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: MrMann on October 07, 2011, 05:59:33 AM
Are you really 43?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 06:07:02 AM


Bill,

thx for the response.
i appreciate the fact that you took the time to be thoughtful.

i wish i could say that talking will help.
i wish i could say that i have not tried to talk this issue into submission.
however, she does not want to talk about it, as she feels that talking about an issue that is causing friction is "arguing", and so, she will not talk to me about it.
that is why im talking so much here.

and calming down is difficult at this point, as im isolated in this room which feels now like a prison in the middle of Mars.


You are going through major culture shock. Buy eggs, bread and have
a normal breakfast. You can eat the garbanzo beans, olive oil and
experimental stuff for the other meals.

Ok, here are the options as I see it.

1. Calm down and INSIST that she talk to you about everything. Be calm, be firm.
2. Divorce her and leave.




There is no doubt that im in a major culture shock free fall.
Im not sleeping, im not eating well, and of course, in isolated like a cat in a cage.
In sure this is 50% of my issue.
However the other 50% is becoming the 100%, and i cant seem to stop it.
Its as if there is a curse on this situation.
Ive not written about this aspect, but im not kidding,........everything has misfired about this situation.
From the moment i landed, its as if a divine hand has made sure i was shown everything in a way , perspective wise, that caused me to doubt, feel jealousy, and feel ignored and cast aside.
And regarding the rest........things like getting health insurance, or getting my ID........its all been a major Cluster :censored: .

As i also told you, im a professional musician, and the idea was for me to set up my recording stuff from day one, in the "big room", and in this way i could sort of as quickly as possible ground myself in my usual life, even tho i was here.
Well, it took about 5 weeks for the Tel Aviv post office to finally release my stuff.
Then i had to pay a whole lot of money to get it, after paying a =whole lot to ship it.
and in that 5 weeks, my wife decided i was a stranger, and i got this incredible bowel issue, and im talking a nightmare.
Took 4.5 weeks to stop my flooding colon.
So, can you imagine anything worse?
I cant even take a normal bathroom trip for nearly 5 weeks.
And of course, that made being in bed with my wife kinda interesting.
She is a nurse, and she's use to the body being a body, but wow..........nearly 5 weeks of Montazuma's revenge?
That was a wild ride.
So, all of this has just really turned me into an edgy wildcat.
And of course, all she has been doing or not doing has only increased the rest of the rest.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 06:20:46 AM
Nice rant.  :D

That's a fairly unhealthy view you've taken on your beloved wife and there's every chance she would call it different given a chance.  Sounds like she may have other problems or as has already been suggested, she's simply made a mistake and not into you.
[/quote]

====================================================================================
===========================================================================================

what would she say about me?
i can answer that..

regarding me talking to her about the fact that she slept in the same bed with her last BF, but would not do it for me without a war.....

she would say that she told me she was not going to talk to me about her last BF....

And the reason i found out about the sleeping habits was because she sort of slipped during a fight and told me.


what else?

i have not a clue as to why she would not enjoy our sex life.
its been all about me giving her an incredible amount of stimulation and attention.
All ive been able to conclude is that her last BF was only 18, and she probably had to teach the newbie, and in the process, he just became an 18 year old with a constant erection who had  an available sex buddy.
This means, it was so constant;y coming at her.... that she just burned out trying to satisfy it, and now the result is what she has with me, which is to say that she cant really find sex fresh or magical, and the cause is previous burnout.

She would tell you that i cook my meals, i make my bed, i clean the bathroom, i do the dishes, ...
So, i think she found a winner, in this regard.

I dont snore, burp, pass gass in public, or pick my nose in public.
So, cant find a reason there to treat me as if im invisiable.

Its quite possible that she just is not use to someone who is so outward in their demands and requests.
Maybe she thought i would just go quietly to my room till i was summoned.
Not quite.

Look, all she could tell you is that i found out some things about her past love life, and after i did, i would not allow her any peace as long as she would not give me the same rights as she gave the last BF.
I never said..........."ok, you did him 3 times a day, so you must do me 3 times a day".
All i said was........."look love, i feel that if you had so much with him and so little with me, and we are newly married, then this causes me to feel as if i am so much less to you, then he.".
And thats how i feel, and how i felt, and you would feel exactly the same.
Be honest. :whistle:
So, it was not even a debate, it was a demand, and perhaps the fact that i used her past, was very offensive to her, and perhaps this offense caused her to shut off.
Its possible.

It is very strange tho, that a girl can hug and kiss a cat in such an affectionate manner, but with me, she just becomes so, well.......placid and unresponsive....

She IS eagar to please me, but, its always with the feeling of getting to the end of the session.
So, that is why i feel that she is a victim of one to many trips to the 3x a day land of fornication.
She just seems to me, to be a girl that is worn ready, and has no other method now.
Or as she calls is........."marriage sex".
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 06:34:23 AM
Still_water, may I ask you, are you in Israel now? Or must you use a proxy for some reason?
The simplest and most obvious reason being he's a troll and has seen just how easy it is to generate lengths of pages on this forum with a good old juicy train wreak story either that or he's writing a soft-core porn novel and fishing for ideas. Anyway, I'm surprised its only 5 pages so far :o

In the outside chance this is actually a true story I apologize ahead of time!

Its all true.
The places, the situation, the people involved.
100% real.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 07, 2011, 07:19:30 AM
Stop being a masochist. Buy your tickets and leave.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 07, 2011, 08:03:36 AM
There are a lot of nice women in this world who would love to have a man who is kind, attentive, cooks, cleans, cares, and gives great lovemaking.

Agreed. So run at past us again, why did you marry this one?  :reading:

Online it felt right, perfect, destined, and true.
We just felt right together.
"click".
She is also a very talented and fine looking woman.
She is gentle, she is confident, and she has many talents..
I think she picked me because im actually very kind, im fun, and im smart.
Also, we have music as a deep and common interest.

The first 2 weeks i was here, she was all over me with attention.
Then about the end of the 2nd week, it was if a generator burned out.
She became almost instantly a different person.
Totally.
As if a mask fell off, and in that mask was the last of the online persona and "how do you like me now" showed up.
Suddenly there was no more going anywhere, there was no more being together a lot, and no more sleeping even in the same room.
She basically adopted a......."i need my space and  you knew it".......attitude.
So, once this started, i started, .........and we have not had 3 days peace in the last 35.
Its been a war, a riot, a door slamming festival.
What she likes to do is leave in the middle of an argument and go and sit with the parents in the living room so that i cant come in there and discuss.
That is her main way of delivering herself from the ongoing and never completed discussion.

When i met her, it felt a bit awkward in person, as she gave me a handshake in the airport.
By the 3rd day she told me she had "thanked God" for giving her such a person
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.
We had a pretty good time that first  days..., tho there was a bit of communication issue, as she speaks good English, but not perfect, and the same can be said for her comprehension, of course.

We were married on the 10th day, and following this, there was what seemed to be a normal romance with good intimacy.
Then i came here.
Nothing has gone right.
Its awful.
Mostly.

All i do is think about how stupid i am, or how i can get out of this incredible life knot.
However, i do care deeply about this girl.
So, that is the conflict.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 07, 2011, 08:15:23 AM
I am just wondering... You live in your new country and are not even interested in your country's Holidays. Yom Kippur is the holiest  Jewish holiday of the year  in Israel and all over the world including USA, and it starts today. It's not 'some holiday'. Did you try to learn anything about life, people, traditions and customs , history, food , climate etc. of the country you are going to live in? Israel will not turn into America for you, you have to adjust to the life and food,  and people there. They will not change, you need to change your attitude . Is anything positive for you there? If not, and never will be, you better go home before you get nervous break down.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 07, 2011, 09:49:06 AM
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.

That must have gone over big, given that she had been accustomed to having sex frequently.
Surely, she must have communicated her thoughts about this.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chemist on October 07, 2011, 10:07:01 AM
Hey smoke screen on Still_Water,

What are you doing for work right now?

In the beginning of your story, you're an out of work musician (another way of saying that you're unemployed and without a degree).  You move to a woman's home forcing her to evict tenants that she was renting one of her rooms to for extra income so that she can support your lazy dead-beet ass.  She has to work while you are "alone all day", shop for groceries and then cook and get to listen to you complain about everything and that you're not getting any sex.  Then when she gives you sex, you criticize her technique.

I little later, you are actually cooking, albiet for yourself only, but you need to drink Ensure and eat protein bars to "maintain your weight" and complaining that they don't sell canned chicken in Israel.  I'm thinking that yours and my ideas of cooking differ.  Is it so hard to grill up some chicken and serve it with some rice and broccoli??

A little later, you are apparently so successful that you managed to save up money for a house and take your wife shopping to buy her gifts, yet, you balk on paying an $800 debt that you helped your wife accumulate to support you without additional income from tenants.

Something doesn't add up.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Boris on October 07, 2011, 10:12:00 AM
Hey smoke screen on Still_Water,

What are you doing for work right now?

In the beginning of your story, you're an out of work musician (another way of saying that you're unemployed and without a degree).  You move to a woman's home forcing her to evict tenants that she was renting one of her rooms to for extra income so that she can support your lazy dead-beet ass.  She has to work while you are "alone all day", shop for groceries and then cook and get to listen to you complain about everything and that you're not getting any sex.  Then when she gives you sex, you criticize her technique.

I little later, you are actually cooking, albiet for yourself only, but you need to drink Ensure and eat protein bars to "maintain your weight" and complaining that they don't sell canned chicken in Israel.  I'm thinking that yours and my ideas of cooking differ.  Is it so hard to grill up some chicken and serve it with some rice and broccoli??

A little later, you are apparently so successful that you managed to save up money for a house and take your wife shopping to buy her gifts, yet, you balk on paying an $800 debt that you helped your wife accumulate to support you without additional income from tenants.

Something doesn't add up.

Nothing adds up. Where do these guys come from. He is a 43 year old man? I would be ashamed to have this kakashka run through my mind let alone post this drivel for the whole world to see. I stand by my earlier statement. Either she isn't attracted to OP or she does not respect him. I suspect both.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chemist on October 07, 2011, 10:17:19 AM
Nothing adds up. Where do these guys come from. He is a 43 year old man? I would be ashamed to have this kakashka run through my mind let alone post this drivel for the whole world to see. I stand by my earlier statement. Either she isn't attracted to OP or she does not respect him. I suspect both.

I would add "bad story teller" as a third option.

If he is telling the truth, then smoke screen on Still_Water isn't the great catch he thinks he is.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 07, 2011, 10:26:45 AM
the past boyfriend and how she deals with me vs him....

What does any past boyfriend matter anyway?

....I talked about the boy in church, i talked about all the stuff you have read.

So she looked at some guy in church. So what?

You are way too hung up about other guys. I fail to see why this would bother a guy who was secure about himself.

She informed me that the debt was there, no matter if i left, and so, that was her concept of it.
Then she told me to never mind, coz she had asked her mother, and her mother agreed to help.
So, i said, WHAT.!!!!!!!, and then i said, did you tell her i would not help???..........she replied "YES, i told her you would not help so i had to ask her".
I hit an orbit.
I think i found Uranus.

Why? She told you the money was needed. You didn't cough it up. I am with her on that one.

You sure have an odd view of the world.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kenny2112 on October 07, 2011, 11:21:22 AM
Meh... so, where is the OP from in USA, if I may ask? As far as American men needing their women to be attentive or affectionate, I've never had a problem with getting affection from women that I was in a relationship with no matter what country she was from.

 If you are for real, cut your losses, get your butt back to USA and learn something about women in general before you even ask a woman out for coffee.

Honestly, nothing in your post seems real to me and if you are American you are so atypical that I can't even imagine where you might be from. In addition, by writing "I'm going to write this sort of in a frenzy so that you can get a feel for my emotional state. i dont care about syntax errors or spelling." you had me guessing what your game and your motive was from jump street.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: MBS01 on October 07, 2011, 05:25:23 PM
If the "lady's" version of this epic ever hits the internet it should really turn all ladies from the FSU and/or any other country off of USA men for good!

For exmple:
a) He takes 5 years to get off his behind and meet her.
b) Meets her and has a nice flat for 10 sexless nights before marriage.
c) Gets married, moves in with her family as a free-loader and now expects daily/nightly sex with the family in the next room.
d) Sells his USA house in a depressed market and likely looses money by doing so.
e) He is now upset that his wife sees other men as a step up from what she has to come home too.
e) Before you she helped care for her parents (at least her father) now she is expected to attend to your needs as in getting you to appointments instead of having a man to support and care for her.
f) Now that she is married what has changed in her life?  Only got one more dependant seemingl!

So for the sake of all concerned lets hope you did buy the ticket back to the USA or where ever you are from so that this broken marriage can finally end for both of you.  The sooner the better.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 08, 2011, 01:27:55 AM
If the "lady's" version of this epic ever hits the internet it should really turn all ladies from the FSU and/or any other country off of USA men for good!

For exmple:
a) He takes 5 years to get off his behind and meet her.
b) Meets her and has a nice flat for 10 sexless nights before marriage.
c) Gets married, moves in with her family as a free-loader and now expects daily/nightly sex with the family in the next room.
d) Sells his USA house in a depressed market and likely looses money by doing so.
e) He is now upset that his wife sees other men as a step up from what she has to come home too.
e) Before you she helped care for her parents (at least her father) now she is expected to attend to your needs as in getting you to appointments instead of having a man to support and care for her.
f) Now that she is married what has changed in her life?  Only got one more dependant seemingl!

So for the sake of all concerned lets hope you did buy the ticket back to the USA or where ever you are from so that this broken marriage can finally end for both of you.  The sooner the better.

 :chuckle: when you put it like that, she really won the jackpot didn't she  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 04:53:25 AM
Have you ever considered the possibility that your woman requires other elements of the realtionship to be more fulfilling, satisfying, and stable in order to enjoy having an intimate relationship with you?


Ive given her Don Giovanni lovemaking.
I comfort, care for, and adore her whenever she stops by for a visit.
I give her money., jewelry, and praise.
I put up with her cat, ( i dont like cats), and once i even saved her cat from falling to death 5 floors, as he was outside on a small ledge having crawled through the blinds in a bedroom window.
I do her dishes, i cook almost my meals, and some of hers.
I am there for her.

So, im doing my part, but in return, ive been getting an iceberg stuck under my fingernails.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 04:57:01 AM
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.

"? That would explain a lot.

yes it would.
and i was not insulting her, to admit what i think.
I think she had no idea the libido power that you find in a 16-18 year old "boy" you end up living with, and if i recall my years at that age, and if you recall yours, ...do you remember that you were a constant erection?
So, there he was, with an available vagina he could use 24/7 to masturbate himself with a few times a day for 2 years.
By the end of this marathon, my wife was worn, torn, and done.
Now i get the reward.
"marriage sex".
ick.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:02:28 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.

2nd, nothing about my posts are incoherent, nor do they ramble.

Ive stated, simply, that this girl has no normal affection, and ive tried to understand it, and deal.
however, i dont want to deal, i want to have a normal love life.
And for some reason, "normal" to this girl means, separate beds, separate rooms, ...lots of time alone, never sharing a meal, ...
in other words, ...........im married to a roommate, and this seems to be her idea of love.
Its not mine.

My idea of love is very simple.
She becomes my world, and i become hers.
We are one with no place for a "single" mindset.


Going by your posts I would say that you have at the very least some serious personal issues you need to work on. You also don't seem to be at the top of the class in terms of social aptitude. Consider a therapist/counselor.



Funny,

you are the typical Russian who cant read anything negative about the motherland or another russian without taking it personally.
So, maybe its YOU that needs a bit of counseling , and or therapy.
For my money, im as sane, balanced, and honest at they come.
However, when i find myself attached at the hip to a cold, manipulating, type, ....i dont deal well.
Thats true.
Had she just been a girlfriend or a neighbor, then i just tell them to get lost........however, as this one has my ring, then the process of course is more mentally grinding,  intertwined with weirdness, and steep in personal cost.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 08, 2011, 05:07:55 AM
...to masturbate himself with a few times a day...

Still_Water, are you masturbating as you type your posts here? I get the feeling that you are  :sick0012:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:17:22 AM
You are telling us only your part of your "love" story. And it looks that you have very serious health, emotional and psychological problems which may lead to very serious swings of mood. And everything you say is all about "I". But family is "WE". And don't blame only her, try to figure out what you are doing wrong.

Do you know how she feels living with you? You say she is never at home. She has to work to survive , and many people in Israel keep two jobs to survive. You say about food. Food is very good in that part of the world, it's healthy and delicious. If you are 'junk' food eater, that's not her problem.

You came to your new country to live, how are you going to survive there? Did you apply for any kind of job? I have a friend who immigrated to that country a number of years ago.  He was a high rank musician, and the only job he found was a piano player at the restaurant, plus full time job at the factory. You stay there for almost two months, and instead of whining, better keep your family alive or go to US.

I fully understand your wife, she comes home tired, needs some good rest at night. She cannot sleep with you probably because you snore, or have some other sleep disorder, torture her with sex, and she needs to work tomorrow.

Both of you suffer from the lack of communication.  You think you know each other ,... but you know nothing about each other. She cannot even feel safe with you. One time you said she was a musician like you, now she is a nurse. how come? 

If you feel uncomfortable, unloved, not needed and not wanted, what are you doing there? You spent 5 years of your life for cyber love , you wasted your money and time, and you never found time to see the girl in person before getting married, all this sounds very sick to me, sorry to say. If you like someone try to meet that person as soon as possible in real life.

I am surprised that the fact that the girl is with you on the internet every evening, and has a boyfriend at the same time, doesn't stop you. Don't blame her, blame only yourself.

I consider your posts about your intimate life with her very offensive. It's family and it should stay in the family unless you want to consult a psychologist .

[edit 2tallbill, I put in a some blank lines to make krassies post easier to read]




Krassie,

you sound bitter.
Im sorry that my Thread stung you.
Perhaps you too are the cold, manipulating type, and my Thread has highlighted your guilt???

So, let me set you straight.

I dont, have not, nor would ever "torture her with sex".
I have always tried to be extremely UNDEMANDING, regarding our sexlife.
This is why in 8 weeks, we have had sex 20 times.

Are you married?
Do u remember when you started your sex life with your mate?
I BET you had sex with him 20 times in a week, once you were living with them, and probably you had this even before you were ln the same room for life.
So, do consider that 20x in 8 weeks, is less then once a day.
So, im not really "torturing her with sex", unless you think that sex every other day, or every 3rd day, or 8th, is torture.
If so, then i advise you to get another lover.

and sure, she works 6 hours a day, and comes home tired.
Of course.
And im tired of sitting here all day looking at walls while she is gone.
So, that is not a compatible situation, thats true..

And yes, im a professional musician, and she is a amateur, tho a good one, but her career is "nurse".

And you asked me what im doing here after 8 weeks?
so, im here because im married, and i made a commitment.
Im trying to work out my needs and balance them against hers, while not going insane from the culture shock.
Maybe you would give up on your marriage after 8 weeks?
If so, then dont expect me to do the same.

Her boyfriend was not in her life the year before i met her.
they parted Jan 2005, and i met her in 2006.


and about my mental health issues.
Im as sane and balanced as they come.
However, i have entered the marriage not expecting my wife to become a stranger to me AFTER we married.
That is the part that is so far, unsolvable.
She was friendly, attentive, and normal, for exactly 3 weeks, then overnight she became the thing in the other room who wants to be left alone unless she decides to be with me.
This is not something that i can explain.
How does someone go from always there to never there, overnight?
This is just too much to deal with, and i have not dealt with it very well.
Agree.
But neither would any reader here......
Its as if i married a light bulb that just switched "off" and who knows why..
She does not know, and i have no clue.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:20:46 AM
Great post, Krassie. Welcome. A must read for the single guys who are looking. Just for the record I like to "torture" my wife with sex, too.  :chuckle:

Let me tell  u how to torture your "poor wife", with sex.
Have sex with her 20 times in 7.9 weeks.

= "torture" = according to "Kassie".
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:25:51 AM
So, i think that last BF, who was about 18, absolutely rode this girl into a worn out place where she now just has no joy in sex with anyone she loves or loves her.


I believe that the reverse is true: that an abundant and satisfying sex/lovelife tends to increase a woman's libido, rather than to wear her out. Blaming the 18-year-old sex machine isn't going to help anything, especially considering that the problem probably doesn't lie between the sheets in any case. The old saw that sex is a barometer of the health of a relationship is built around a kernal of truth. Unfortunately, you are trying to change the calibration of said barometer instead of dealing with the core issues.

It is quite possible you are correct........however, as this girl tends to have sex as if she is just so use to it..........this is hard to explain.......but, its that ankle grabbing, just laying there till its over...........that is the sign of a gir who had someone who was so horny, so always ready, that they adopt this position as the way to just let the male flail away to get it over with.......its sort of like......"here i am, masturbate yourself again using me"........so, that she does this with me..........has led me to believe what i have said and posted.



On a slightly different but somewhat related note, it wouldn't surprise me if the boy who was dancing in the church was more than just someone who reminded her of her ex.


Its very possible that this girl has been doing the entire community.
There is no way to know, is there?
Its just like your wife or GF.......if they are clever, patient, and diligent, she is able to have as many lovers as she wants, as often as she can plan the even, and you my friend will never know it.........just as i would never know it.
Such is our fate.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:33:18 AM
Forget the sex, forget the location, forget pretty much everything.

If you want to understand if a person has 'issues' then look at what they tell you about eating.

Seriously!

The human body can digest many things. Our choices of what to eat or not are, absent rare allergy issues, conditioned by our own heads.

This is a bloke who has told us can not eat properly because he is unable to obtain a particular brand of canned meat from a particular shop. (I am sure that he IS eating and that back home he did eat food other than canned chicken from Walmart but it is indicative that he needed to mention it and that he sees the kind of food around him as an issue.)

A person who is THIS picky about his food has waaay bigger issues going on. To be honest, of all the things this person has written it is about the only thing on which one can rely for truth.

If he is telling a story that is true from his perspective then whatever else he needs to do he needs to address the issues that lead to his food obsession, doing so will likely help with the other stuff too.
Just as a sanity check, how many adults who were really picky eaters have you ever known who did not have other serious symptoms of something or other?

=========================

Tom, your point about libido is certainly true in cases where the sex is enjoyed but if it is not then libido tends to fall away and will only be restored when sex is once again pleasurable.



Well, actually, my point about chicken in a can, is that you cant find this in Israel.
So, that was very odd to me, as you can find tuna in a can, or 100 other things in a can..
Just dont look for chicken in a can.:)

and sure, Hebrew food, in general, is nothing like American Cuisine.
So, its not odd or strange or unusual that i would find that most of the food offered here, to my taste buds, is just odd.
And its a two fold odd.
First im in Israel, where things are Kosher, and then im married to a Russian who has a eating menu that a russian would appreicate, but an american would not even begin to know.
For example......."Borsch".
Do you know how many americans who live in America have ever eaten it or even know what the ingredients consist of?
 
= ZERO.

so, consider this before you accuse me of food mania psychosis...... :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:35:45 AM
Andrew, +1.

You are spot on about the food disorders and how they often reveal much larger issues.

I like Japanese, Italian, French, and American Cuisine.
I can deal with Indian, and Mexican.
however, Russian cuisine and Hebrew cuisine, SUCK.

so,  if the SUCK, that is not my issue, that is just my agony.



S_W
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:40:56 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.



One of the things mods here do is randomly check data of those with stories such as this. It just makes sure that the member is not an old banned member returning, a spammer or some other internet undesirable. I asked you your location a while back because it seemed unusual; because I had looked already where you appeared to be coming from.

Now, I don't doubt your story. It has too much detail to be fake IMO. However, I am confused about the location issue.

Do me a favour, go here: http://www.ip-address.org/ and I bet it doesn't say you are in Israel.


want to bet????


------------------------

IP Location finder accept: www.ip-address.org or ip-address.org
   
 IP Location: What Is My IP Address     Find IP Address Location on IP Location Map
My IP Address:   89.139.189.2
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Find IP Address Location for 'My IP' 89.139.189.2
Continent:   Asia (AS)
Country:    Israel   (IL)
State:   Tel Aviv
City:   Ramat Gan
ISP:    NetVision
Organization:   broadband for PT
Time zone:    Asia/Jerusalem
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:46:31 AM
If he ain't a cannibal, he's normal by our standards.

Anyway, people with certain auto-immune disorders have to be careful about what they eat.

I

Dunno about Israel but even in this benighted little country I can go to a supermarket and have a choice of tinned chicken breast and that in a country where convenience food is much less common than in the Home of the Brave. I doubt that Israel is any less forthcoming than my home base!


Ok, come to israel, and you'll find that you cant buy chicken in a can.

I like to make Chicken Salad., and i like to use chicken in a can.
So, as i cant buy this here, i just buy chickens, cook them, and use the breast for my chicken salad.
However, this is a pain in the ass isnt it?
I have to buy a chicken, cook a chicken, just to create chicken salad because this backwards place wont sell it in a can.

Also, milk in a bag.
that was a new trip.

i think the thing about open market restaurants that you find here, is the fact that you go to buy say .......a pizza, and all the pizza's are sitting there, and so are the flies.
I dont really like flies buzzing around newly created food, but here, its just a part of the menu.
Probably this is the same in Russia.
However, in my State, you dont find open outside restaurants, so you dont have to worry about 125 flies getting a bite of your meal on its way to you.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 05:52:39 AM
... but do you think that eating canned chicken breast from Walmart is a recognised treatment for any autoimmune illnesses?

I have no idea. My comment was based on my observations of a girl who had fibromyalgia. Lots of foods gave her adverse reactions but meat and potatoes never affected her. Her doctor speculated that the problem might be connected to her auto-immune disorder; he may or may not have been correct.

Often an autoimmune disorder is related to a very low grade infection that is massive and ongoing.
a person wont even notice the infection, but the blood notices, and in trying to compensate for such a systemic widespread issue, the immune system sort of "scatter shot" itself trying to deal with the big issue, and in doing this, a person ends up with Lupus, or 70 other types of AI disorders, which are simply your blood trying to overcompensate regarding the immune system.

Also, its not necessarily the food that is the issue , but the additives and preservatives.
The liver has to filter it all out, and sometimes these additives create a very toxic environment in your blood, ...sort of a garden for cancer to grow for example.
Sugar, white sugar actually feeds cancer.
So, if you have a lot of free radicals, or cancer cells in  your blood, and you have a diet that is high in  white sugar  goodies, then you are creating a blood environment that is actually creating a garden for cancer to root.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Bruce Lee on October 08, 2011, 06:06:31 AM
RUA proudly brings to you the official sequel to Mission Impossible!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 06:09:10 AM
This is a bloke who has told us can not eat properly because he is unable to obtain a particular brand of canned meat from a particular shop. (I am sure that he IS eating and that back home he did eat food other than canned chicken from Walmart but it is indicative that he needed to mention it and that he sees the kind of food around him as an issue.)

A person who is THIS picky about his food has waaay bigger issues going on. To be honest, of all the things this person has written it is about the only thing on which one can rely for truth.

Some time ago, you and I were lamenting that "proper" bacon and sausages cannot be found in Estonia which is why we import. You also missed several other things from the UK that I made available on one of my road trips. Branston, etc.

Isn't this the same?

We may chortle at the idea of chicken in a can. No, I didn't know it existed either. But if I were stuck in Israel, I might crave a Daily Mail and a bacon butty on proper toast with brown sauce. Isn't this the same?

Yeah, I see him as suffering from culture shock. Everyone tells about the girls getting it and complaining
about seemingly silly things like people smiling at them for no reason, is there some reason to think
that guys don't get it either?


Yes, im doubly culture shocked.
first im in a new country, that has to be one of the strangest ever created.
c'mon.
On Friday at sundown, the place stops.
Stores close, cars park.
On Saturday, even the CABLE TV stops.
Really.
So, what is THAT?

Im pretty sure that in Holland, France, Brussels, Bolivia, Russia, ECT............you dont have the cable tv shut off because of "shabat".
you cant even go to a store to buy bread.
its ridiculous.

And i can appreciate religious traditions, but, when the entire country just goes offline for 2 days?
thats a bit too much in '2011

and yes, the other culture shock is being married to a russian i had never met.

to say this has been weird, in every way, is to say that whales make a splash when they jump.
understatement.

and this girl actually resents it if you try to play the husband role.
no kidding.
you are a man, reader?

do u understand the male role?
we get to do the hard stuff, and the technical stuff.
If something breaks, its the man who gets the tools.
Understand?
well, this girl thinks she is the man.
the first time i noticed it was when she was washing these huge heavy sliding windows, and she was on a ladder and was using a heavy bucket of water to clean.
So, she just gets off the ladder over and over, to get this bucket.
Do u know why?
It was because she didnt want me to hand her the bucket.
Unreal.
She actually got frustrated with me because i was TRYING TO HELP.

So, i appreciate her diligent effort but DAMN, im the HUSBAND and the MALE, and i cant even help her with a bucket?

so, this has happened now a few times., so, now i just step back and let her deal with the phone jack that broke.
NP.
I'll just sit and practice my guitar and she can repair it all.
Great.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Ade on October 08, 2011, 06:20:28 AM
...
Funny,

you are the typical Russian who cant read anything negative about the motherland or another russian without taking it personally.

Actually, I'm Welsh. That flag you saw besides my post was Norwegian. I live in Norway where they also don't sell chicken in a can.  :sick0012:

Your latest ravings do nothing to change my mind about you or your situation so I'll reiterate;

Quote from: Ade
No matter who is at fault here, it is fairly obvious that you don't have a marriage worth saving, or in fact, a marriage at all in the traditional sense. Divorce and go back to the US (not necessarily in that order). You will both be happy for it.

Going by your posts I would say that you have at the very least some serious personal issues you need to work on. You also don't seem to be at the top of the class in terms of social aptitude. Consider a therapist/counselor.

FWIW, in my experience, normal Russian women are open, warm and affectionate people although they can come across a little stand offish to strangers. Those with psychological problems are as messed up as Western women with the same.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 08, 2011, 06:40:04 AM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.



One of the things mods here do is randomly check data of those with stories such as this. It just makes sure that the member is not an old banned member returning, a spammer or some other internet undesirable. I asked you your location a while back because it seemed unusual; because I had looked already where you appeared to be coming from.

Now, I don't doubt your story. It has too much detail to be fake IMO. However, I am confused about the location issue.

Do me a favour, go here: http://www.ip-address.org/ and I bet it doesn't say you are in Israel.


want to bet????


------------------------

IP Location finder accept: www.ip-address.org or ip-address.org
   
 IP Location: What Is My IP Address     Find IP Address Location on IP Location Map
My IP Address:   89.139.189.2
My IP Host:   89-139-189-2.bb.netvision.net.il
Remote Port:   44757
Proxy Header:   Not Detected
Referer:   ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=15377.75
Computer OS:    Windows
NT 6.1 (Windows 7)
Browser:    Opera 11.51
Browser Language:   en-US,en;q=0.9
Find IP Address Location for 'My IP' 89.139.189.2
Continent:   Asia (AS)
Country:    Israel   (IL)
State:   Tel Aviv
City:   Ramat Gan
ISP:    NetVision
Organization:   broadband for PT
Time zone:    Asia/Jerusalem

It shows you as being in Israel now, but a few days ago when I checked it showed you being in Poland, that's probably why Manny also asked you to prove it, either you move around very fast or something is amiss here, maybe the Opera browser works like that? if it does, it's a new one on me  ???
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 06:43:55 AM
Stop being a masochist. Buy your tickets and leave.

Im married.
I meant it.
So, this makes the "leaving", a last resort.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 08, 2011, 06:46:01 AM


Ok, come to israel, and you'll find that you cant buy chicken in a can.

I like to make Chicken Salad., and i like to use chicken in a can.
So, as i cant buy this here, i just buy chickens, cook them, and use the breast for my chicken salad.
However, this is a pain in the ass isnt it?
I have to buy a chicken, cook a chicken, just to create chicken salad because this backwards place wont sell it in a can.



The UK must be backwards too, never come here, because I have never seen chicken in a can here either, mind you its probably not that high up the culinary ladder so its not something I would ever consider looking for  (:)

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 06:48:22 AM
I am just wondering... You live in your new country and are not even interested in your country's Holidays. Yom Kippur is the holiest  Jewish holiday of the year  in Israel and all over the world including USA, and it starts today. It's not 'some holiday'. Did you try to learn anything about life, people, traditions and customs , history, food , climate etc. of the country you are going to live in? Israel will not turn into America for you, you have to adjust to the life and food,  and people there. They will not change, you need to change your attitude . Is anything positive for you there? If not, and never will be, you better go home before you get nervous break down.

Yes, thank you.
Im aware of the holiday, and should have been more observant and respectful of the holiday.
:Probably if i could watch the cable tv and go and get some food from the store, i would be.
Just being honest.
Can you go to the store today Kassie?
Can you watch your Cable TV?
and if you could not do ither, would you LOVE IT?
well i dont.

also, i like this place.
The food i dont like.
The people are what they are, and are not what in use to.........sure.

However, i didnt come here to live, i only came here to follow the rules and regulations regarding bringing my wife back to the USA.
So, till that happens, im just biding my time with the aliens.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Bruce Lee on October 08, 2011, 06:53:16 AM
Im married.
I meant it.
So, this makes the "leaving", a last resort.
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Time wasted writing about is time you could be using more productively or am I wrong ???
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 07:00:18 AM
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.

That must have gone over big, given that she had been accustomed to having sex frequently.
Surely, she must have communicated her thoughts about this.


Well, you know...
all girls and women , over 17, in the world today, are use to frequent sex.
That means your wife, and everyone else's here.
That means before you married her.
Its just the way it is..
We live in a very sexually charged world.
The TV is very sensual, the music is the same,.......and everyone seems to be very sexually obsessed.
Its just the way it has become....
So, my girl and yours,..........are a product of the times.
Sad but true.
Well the problem with an editorial like im writing is the continuity issue or the time line.

so, let me reset the clock.

I met wife in August 2006.
we actually parted in June- Nov.
I was not sure about it all and left...
She actually found a new BF in Sept 06, and that lasted a month.
He was not for her, as she explained.........basically he was a nice guy but not up to her intellectual standards.

about her BF.
he was 18 when they parted.
She met him in 2002 and they were a couple from 03 - 2004 of Dec.
From Dec 2005 till August 2006 she was not with anyone except had met a few online who she liked.
One was really and truly the man for her., is what i thought, as she described him to me one day.
She gushed about his looks, qualities, talent, and skill, to me ........online, after we were a couple.........and it was so much, that i was really just kinda blown away.
Im sure she would never express to anyone anything nearly as "incredible", as she gushed to me about this French Boy who was sort of her BF online for about 3 weeks till he decided one day to have sex with a girl he met that day.
He ended up telling my wife, and she ended up looking for me.
Strange thing about "mr wonderful" types, in that they are just so amazing until they get caught unzipped and letting it rip.

Also, i told my wife that the reason i didnt want to have sex with her before we were married was based on my religious viewpoint, and also out of respect for her.
I told her that i wanted to be the one man that did the right thing with her., regarding respecting her until we were married.
And frankly i dont think she could give a damn about it, and probably does not even recall i did this.
And it was difficult.
yep.
Sometimes i guess we waste our best shot on a lame duck.
Could be.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 07:02:02 AM
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.

That must have gone over big, given that she had been accustomed to having sex frequently.
Surely, she must have communicated her thoughts about this.


Well, you know...
all girls and women , over 17, in the world today, are use to frequent sex.
That means your wife, and everyone else's here.
That means before you married her.
Its just the way it is..
We live in a very sexually charged world.
The TV is very sensual, the music is the same,.......and everyone seems to be very sexually obsessed.
Its just the way it has become....
So, my girl and yours,..........are a product of the times.
Sad but true.
Well the problem with an editorial like im writing is the continuity issue or the time line.

so, let me reset the clock.

I met wife in August 2006.
we actually parted in June- Nov.
I was not sure about it all and left...
She actually found a new BF in Sept 06, and that lasted a month.
He was not for her, as she explained.........basically he was a nice guy but not up to her intellectual standards.

about her BF.
he was 18 when they parted.
She met him in 2002 and they were a couple from 03 - 2004 of Dec.
From Dec 2005 till August 2006 she was not with anyone except had met a few online who she liked.
One was really and truly the man for her., is what i thought, as she described him to me one day.
She gushed about his looks, qualities, talent, and skill, to me ........online, after we were a couple.........and it was so much, that i was really just kinda blown away.
Im sure she would never express to anyone anything nearly as "incredible" about me, as she gushed to me about this French Boy who was sort of her BF online for about 3 weeks till he decided one day to have sex with a girl he met that day.
He ended up telling my wife, and she ended up looking for me.
Strange thing about "mr wonderful" types, in that they are just so amazing until they get caught unzipped and letting it rip.

Also, i told my wife that the reason i didnt want to have sex with her before we were married was based on my religious viewpoint, and also out of respect for her.
I told her that i wanted to be the one man that did the right thing with her., regarding respecting her until we were married.
And frankly i dont think she could give a damn about it, and probably does not even recall i did this.
And it was difficult.
yep.
Sometimes i guess we waste our best shot on a lame duck.
Could be.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 08, 2011, 08:44:25 AM
I like to make Chicken Salad., and i like to use chicken in a can.
So, as i cant buy this here, i just buy chickens, cook them, and use the breast for my chicken salad.
However, this is a pain in the ass isnt it?
I have to buy a chicken, cook a chicken, just to create chicken salad because this backwards place wont sell it in a can.

I just Googled it. It exists.

[attachimg=1]  :pointlaugh:

You couldn't make this stuff up really could you?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 08, 2011, 08:50:28 AM
I like to make Chicken Salad., and i like to use chicken in a can.
So, as i cant buy this here, i just buy chickens, cook them, and use the breast for my chicken salad.
However, this is a pain in the ass isnt it?
I have to buy a chicken, cook a chicken, just to create chicken salad because this backwards place wont sell it in a can.


I just Googled it. It exists.

(Attachment Link)   :pointlaugh:

You couldn't make this stuff up really could you?

Well whadyaknow, but I doubt very much it will replace my Sunday roast  :laugh:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kenny2112 on October 08, 2011, 09:36:49 AM
Yeah but you simply haven't lived until you've had unicorn in a can...[attachimg=1]
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 08, 2011, 10:01:17 AM
Still_Water:
Before going to your new country you should have learned what kind of country it is. To you knowledge  one third or more of the population there are Russian Jews who immigrated there in 70-90s. And they brought their food there which is much better and nutritious than" canned chicken". And they cook their food at home , not like many lazy Americans who prefer to eat fast food because they are too"busy" and even at home eat from paper plates because they don't want to wash the dishes.

When I visited my friends in Brooklyn NY, on weekends Jewish neighborhoods were empty starting with Friday night , they have family Sabbath dinners , and on Saturdays all the stores are closed and they spend time at synagogues. And it's in the United States . In Israel most of the people are  Orthodox Jews , and of course, their stores are closed. Orthodox ones don't even light the stove on Saturday. It's their holy day... When you are in Rome do what the Romans do...

Borscht... Believe or not all my American friends, men and women, just LOVE it and ask to make again . And I lived in several states here, and they also like  all the other Russian food I make. If you don't believe me, read what other forum members  say about Eastern European food.

You called me bitter. I am not ! I am surprised how you could get into situation like that. Before my coming to USA many years ago I spent many hours learning about this country, and anyway it was a shock for some time. It takes about half a year to adjust to a new life. Sometimes more.

As far as I learned from my medical classes , all the canned food has preservatives in it which don't benefit anybody's health. That's why people who understand it, never use canned food at all. People who live in Israel mostly use Mediterranean diet which consists mostly of fruit, vegetables , fish and lean meat. My friends just came from Tel A Viv, they stayed there for two months , they enjoyed everything there especially.

If your wife is cold with you, she doesn't like something about you. Don't try to please anybody, just be yourself.
Did you make  any attempts to get a job,or you are going to stay there as her dependent?  It's very difficult to live when only one member of the family has a job.

And remember in Orthodox Jewish families girls  don't sleep with their boyfriends before they got married. And in many families in Israel men make love through a special hole in the sheet. When you live there longer you will know why.

I am not a Jew but I know it. Why aren't you know that?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 10:13:46 AM
Hey smoke screen on Still_Water,

What are you doing for work right now?

In the beginning of your story, you're an out of work musician (another way of saying that you're unemployed and without a degree).  You move to a woman's home forcing her to evict tenants that she was renting one of her rooms to for extra income so that she can support your lazy dead-beet ass.  She has to work while you are "alone all day", shop for groceries and then cook and get to listen to you complain about everything and that you're not getting any sex.  Then when she gives you sex, you criticize her technique.

I little later, you are actually cooking, albiet for yourself only, but you need to drink Ensure and eat protein bars to "maintain your weight" and complaining that they don't sell canned chicken in Israel.  I'm thinking that yours and my ideas of cooking differ.  Is it so hard to grill up some chicken and serve it with some rice and broccoli??

A little later, you are apparently so successful that you managed to save up money for a house and take your wife shopping to buy her gifts, yet, you balk on paying an $800 debt that you helped your wife accumulate to support you without additional income from tenants.

Something doesn't add up.

Well, if your math skills are poor, then what do you expect fella.

first of all, not everyone who is a musician, is "unemployed", and "without a degree".
keep that in mind.

2nd, i didnt come here because i needed a job, i came here to satisfy the requirements related to bringing my wife >legally< back to the USA.

3rd, i didnt start this thread to brag about my life success, tho i can do it if you need it, and apparently you are needy.


4th, is it possible that some people in life , a couple that never met, managed to save money?
yes it is...


5th, i never moved into any apartment and thereby caused anyone to be evicted.
as a matter of fact, i came here nearly 6 months later then planned because i was NOT wanting to send some nice Russian renters back to their motherland early.
And also...
After i arrived, my wife and i ended up living in her room , which is tiny, while i slept on her bed and she on the couch...(her choice), while the "renters" were allowed to stay in the huge room that has now become mine........and i had the option upon arrival, as i was the new husband, to occupy the room, but i chose to show kindness and consideration to the Russian couple, in spite of the hardship this imposed on my wife and our brand new relationship.


so, you can kiss my "dead beat ass".

anytime you like.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 10:17:42 AM


If he is telling the truth, then smoke screen on Still_Water isn't the great catch he thinks he is.

but what if i am?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kenny2112 on October 08, 2011, 10:25:52 AM
This whole thread is laughable. I have started to write several posts but decided not to post them just to see how this plays out. I am not sure what the OP hopes to gain from this thread other than to cast FSU women in a bad light. I don't buy it that he is American. If so, he is a sorry excuse for an American male that I have seen. As an American male I can say that it is an embarassment not to provide for ones family and doubly so to allow one's newlywed wife and family to provide for you. Sure, there are guys here that are freeloaders, lazy, fat, stupid, ignorant etc, who have no problem with this but I wouldn't call them real men. They certainly wouldn't be posting on a BB about it!

A real man would make the necessary changes immediately to provide for family instead of whining and being a burden. Where this is a will there is a way.

Krassie... glad you chimed in here! Borscht rocks! You hit the nail on the head and it is always a great pleasure to get a woman's input on things :)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Ste on October 08, 2011, 10:27:44 AM
I do empathise with the OP, he has a brain problem and needs to see a Doctor, or better still more prosaic drama coach..

Come on, who's sockie is this!!!??
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 10:29:11 AM
the past boyfriend and how she deals with me vs him....

What does any past boyfriend matter anyway?


Past boyfriends dont matter at all, unless the current husband is being treated with less love and less affection.
then the game changes.



....I talked about the boy in church, i talked about all the stuff you have read.

So she looked at some guy in church. So what?


No, she didnt look......she stared in and out for about the length of 4 long worship songs......or about 20 mins..
She just became fixated to the point that i noticed it, and then as it continued and continued, .........
Later, her grand idea of an answer or an excuse was........"well you stare and women, and so, i dont care if you do"
so, Compute that fella, and inject your wife as the person that said it to you.
read between the lines.
First of all, noone should be staring at boys in church.
2nd, once the issue was discussed her answer, is to be read this way......"well, yes i did and yes i DO", and 'you can TOO"
So, it was a justification response, and this is just salt in my eyes, and would be the same if your wife said it to anyone reading this post...


You are way too hung up about other guys. I fail to see why this would bother a guy who was secure about himself.

No, im not hung up, or pent up, or strung up, or any of that..
I simply discovered that my wife was willing to do things and did for a past BF, that she refused to do for me and argued with me about..
So, that in a word, just isnt right.
Imagine if your wife was sleeping in the same bed and the same room with her last BF, and then you flew 5,000 damn miles to find that she didnt want to do this with you or for you..
Now tell me you would not care, and you are lying.
So, i didnt lie.
I care.


She informed me that the debt was there, no matter if i left, and so, that was her concept of it.
Then she told me to never mind, coz she had asked her mother, and her mother agreed to help.
So, i said, WHAT.!!!!!!!, and then i said, did you tell her i would not help???..........she replied "YES, i told her you would not help so i had to ask her".
I hit an orbit.
I think i found Uranus.

Why? She told you the money was needed. You didn't cough it up. I am with her on that one.


I didnt coff it up immediately because i had been told to go back to my country.
so, if your wife tells you to go back to your country and THEN asks your for $800, are you going to reach for your wallet?
So, what you need to do is insert yourself and your wife into my situation.
Apply it that way and see if it fits you better then it has been fitting me.


You sure have an odd view of the world.

I have a perfect view of the world, and a very healthy concept of "love" and relationship.
And ive not required or demanded anything that you or anyone else would also demand, given the same crazy situation.
I came here for a wife, and this girl decided about 2.5 wks into my arrival that she wanted to play by "single" rules.
So, those rules dont apply to me, and when she tried to make them fit, the straps broke and the marks were deep



Quotes fixed by mod
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 10:44:13 AM
Meh... so, where is the OP from in USA, if I may ask? As far as American men needing their women to be attentive or affectionate, I've never had a problem with getting affection from women that I was in a relationship with no matter what country she was from.

 

Well , that is an interesting point you have made.
You say that you have the midas touch with women and they just flock to their knees anytime you whisper......"do me".

well, you know, im kinda the same.
Woman have liked me all my life.
I get along better in life with women then i do with most men.
Women have always responded to my humor, and my kindness, and the fact that im a very faithful and loyal man regarding my relationships.
So, it was a shock, a blow, a mind :censored:, and really a cold hard slap in the face to find that i cant get this girl to relate to me.
She just does not connect with me.
Its very strange...
It is..
Look, i can take a guitar and inpress and convert.
Do u understand.
In a good player.........and even this falls painfully well short with this girl.

Its not that she does not love me......as i can tell she does....
But, there is just this void between us that i cant seem  to penetrate.
Its a  ego bruising wall of disconnect..

Even when we lay in bed, its tense.

That is the word for it.
Everything about her being in the same general area with me, even from our first meeting is tense.
Its so tense that it makes me uncomfortable.
Ive wondered if she feels that i am not liking her very much and she is just feeling rejected, and so, the outcome of that, has been what i was thinking was her rejecting me.

Honestly, this is such a backwards and strange relationship, that i cant even begin to know what to do to just calm it down and get it to just be quiet.

A while ago, i went to the beach with her.
So, there are nice looking men who are walking by........as usual, and she is trying so hard not to look..........honestly, it was like watching a person being tortured.
I could see her strain to not look against the force that was causing her to want to do it.
She was ripping the sand with her feet and straining to look at the ground.
Im not making this up.

I think she has actually REALIZED how much she looks and today was a day that she was sort of trying to deal with herself and found out that i am not just making it up.
She was literally straining her neck to stare at the ground to keep me from seeing her stare at the tanned fellas passing by.
Really.

I was in the water about 30 feet away, ankle deep, sort of behind her, so that i could just watch her reactions..
She knew i was doing this, and STILL she was practically bursting a neck ligament trying to avoid looking at the walking tanned bodies.
It was surreal.
And of course, she is now in another room as i write this of course.
No need to talk about it, coz she will ither lie, deny it, or tell me that i was imagining it.
Ill prob be sleeping by myself tonight, and i think that will be just fine, coz i am just beyond tired of this crap.


I think her neck will actually be sore in the morning from all the strain and effort.

geez



and before you lecture ne about.........."well of course she was straining, coz you are making her feel...........!!!!!!!!!!
look, i was not doing that to begin with.
i was just in the shallows picking out pretty rocks when i noticed her notice this guy who had been looking at her.
Then another walked by i i saw her go into the stare mode.
So im thinking........."not again, she cant be doing this again, can she"????????????
so, at THAT point i repositioned myself for the show and tell.
and now its one more.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 08, 2011, 10:45:59 AM
And ive not required or demanded anything that you or anyone else would also demand, given the same crazy situation.

I disagree. I think everyone is hanging in the sidelines on this topic hoping someone else will take the time to chip in. However, I can assure you that some of your expectations and demands are far from what many others would do.

I came here for a wife, and this girl decided about 2.5 wks into my arrival that she wanted to play by "single" rules.

No. She decided she just wasn't that into you. You learned the lesson that internet stuff means squat until you meet in person. Its a valuable lesson that I hope others pick up on.

Tell me, you are not still considering importing her to the US are you? Are you of the belief that you will be able to turn this around into what you define as a proper marriage?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: mendeleyev on October 08, 2011, 10:59:30 AM
Quote
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Bruce, good advice, however as he can only focus constantly on sex (and chicken in a can) I don't think that he cares about a relationship. In this twisted and warped way it appears that the essence of a relationship consists of sex and chicken in a can. If she would more happily supply those 2 things, he'd be in a perfect marriage...at least in his mind.

God forbid she stares at one of the cans however because she'll be accused of having a relationship with the tin can. The sex is obviously more important than the chicken however because we've yet to read about 20 cans of chicken in 7.9 weeks.


Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 08, 2011, 11:09:02 AM
Still_Water:

Maybe you love your new wife in your own way, but from everything you told us here I see you as a very possessive, controlling man with very low self-confidence and self- esteem...  and  it's big time NO for a girl from Eastern Europe. There is no any kind of trust from your side , and the tension between two of you will increase because of YOU.
You cannot own somebody else's life , you can be only part of that life...
Title: Start again at the beginning
Post by: 2tallbill on October 08, 2011, 12:31:43 PM
Still_water,

You talked with a woman online for 5 years and didn't have

1a. 124 conversations regarding sex? covering everything from frequency to toe sucking?
1b. 118 conversations about what turns her on and what turns you on?

2a. You didn't have a talk about favorite foods, what she liked what you liked?
2b. After this talk on strange food you never heard of you didn't go find a restaurant
that made it and try it? or get a recipe and make it yourself?
2c. She didn't look for your favorites and try them herself?

3. You didn't study her language or local culture?
4. You didn't have conversations about the roles you would each have?
5. You didn't talk about what SHE thought your average day as a married couple would be?
6. You didn't talk about what YOU thought your average day as a married couple would be?

7. You didn't set goals with each other?
8. You didn't have extensive conversations about your first night between the sheets?

Apparently the answer to all the above questions is NO you didn't, I could ask WTF did you
talk about but it really doesn't matter since you didn't talk about the above things and your
marriage is in dire peril because of it.

I have several recommendations which I will tell you in my next post. I want you to take my suggestions
and the suggestions of others consider them, sift through them and use whatever you think will help
with your personality, goals, and situations. None of us know the details of your situation better than you
do.

You didn't do the research and due diligence that one would expect especially after 5 freaking years of
conversations, but you are where you are and hindsight is twenty twenty.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: nicknick on October 08, 2011, 01:02:12 PM
I do empathise with the OP, he has a brain problem and needs to see a Doctor, or better still more prosaic drama coach..

Come on, who's sockie is this!!!??

Ste,

It's been quite a few months since you've posted here.  I thought we'd lost your erudite comments for good.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: 2tallbill on October 08, 2011, 01:13:49 PM
I do empathise with the OP, he has a brain problem and needs to see a Doctor, or better still more prosaic drama coach..

Come on, who's sockie is this!!!??

Ste,

It's been quite a few months since you've posted here.  I thought we'd lost your erudite comments for good.

And his dry and slightly twisted (sometimes totally twisted) humor and his ability to say things
in a way that no American can understand. I mean what the fook is sockie? is it like that
Japanese warm rice wine?  a puppet reference? something foot related? or more likely is it some
slightly twisted reference that you have to be English to understand?

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Chris on October 08, 2011, 01:24:02 PM
Quote from: Still_Water
imagine if your wife was sleeping in the same bed and the same room with her last BF, and then you flew 5,000 damn miles to find that she didnt want to do this with you or for you..
Now tell me you would not care, and you are lying.

Well I wouldn't have married her for starters, what on earth made you go through with this  :'(
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 08, 2011, 01:41:32 PM
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.

That must have gone over big, given that she had been accustomed to having sex frequently.
Surely, she must have communicated her thoughts about this.


Well, you know...
all girls and women , over 17, in the world today, are use to frequent sex.
That means your wife, and everyone else's here.
That means before you married her.
Its just the way it is..
We live in a very sexually charged world.
The TV is very sensual, the music is the same,.......and everyone seems to be very sexually obsessed.
Its just the way it has become....
So, my girl and yours,..........are a product of the times.
Sad but true.

Well the problem with an editorial like im writing is the continuity issue or the time line.

so, let me reset the clock.

I met wife in August 2006.
we actually parted in June- Nov.
I was not sure about it all and left...
She actually found a new BF in Sept 06, and that lasted a month.
He was not for her, as she explained.........basically he was a nice guy but not up to her intellectual standards.

about her BF.
he was 18 when they parted.
She met him in 2002 and they were a couple from 03 - 2004 of Dec.
From Dec 2005 till August 2006 she was not with anyone except had met a few online who she liked.
One was really and truly the man for her., is what i thought, as she described him to me one day.
She gushed about his looks, qualities, talent, and skill, to me ........online, after we were a couple.........and it was so much, that i was really just kinda blown away.
Im sure she would never express to anyone anything nearly as "incredible", as she gushed to me about this French Boy who was sort of her BF online for about 3 weeks till he decided one day to have sex with a girl he met that day.
He ended up telling my wife, and she ended up looking for me.
Strange thing about "mr wonderful" types, in that they are just so amazing until they get caught unzipped and letting it rip.

Also, i told my wife that the reason i didnt want to have sex with her before we were married was based on my religious viewpoint, and also out of respect for her.
I told her that i wanted to be the one man that did the right thing with her., regarding respecting her until we were married.
And frankly i dont think she could give a damn about it, and probably does not even recall i did this.
And it was difficult.
yep.
Sometimes i guess we waste our best shot on a lame duck.
Could be.

You wrote a lot of words but you didn't write what your wife told you in regard to her opinion about your pre-marital abstinence.

Even though it's unrelated to my query, the emboldened words above are worthy of comment because they are inconsistent with your focus on sex and your complaints about your wife's unenthusiastic performances.

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kenny2112 on October 08, 2011, 02:38:02 PM
Meh... so, where is the OP from in USA, if I may ask? As far as American men needing their women to be attentive or affectionate, I've never had a problem with getting affection from women that I was in a relationship with no matter what country she was from.

 

Well , that is an interesting point you have made.
You say that you have the midas touch with women and they just flock to their knees anytime you whisper......"do me".

You still never answered the question about where you are from in America, USA etc...

... and your troll baiting tactics are lame and only add to the evidence. Have fun with your pathetic life no matter who you are.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 03:33:24 PM
If the "lady's" version of this epic ever hits the internet it should really turn all ladies from the FSU and/or any other country off of USA men for good!

For exmple:
a) He takes 5 years to get off his behind and meet her.
b) Meets her and has a nice flat for 10 sexless nights before marriage.
c) Gets married, moves in with her family as a free-loader and now expects daily/nightly sex with the family in the next room.
d) Sells his USA house in a depressed market and likely looses money by doing so.
e) He is now upset that his wife sees other men as a step up from what she has to come home too.
e) Before you she helped care for her parents (at least her father) now she is expected to attend to your needs as in getting you to appointments instead of having a man to support and care for her.
f) Now that she is married what has changed in her life?  Only got one more dependant seemingl!

So for the sake of all concerned lets hope you did buy the ticket back to the USA or where ever you are from so that this broken marriage can finally end for both of you.  The sooner the better.

Ok let me help you with your opinion..

the wife does not see every other man as a "step up", she only sees every other man as a reason to look.
clear?

i didnt lose any money when the house was settled.

i pay for the room im in..

the wife never gave the parents a dime for rent the entire 12 years she has lived with them.


ive never asked her for "daily/or nightly" sex.
ive only asked her to realize that if she was having daily and nightly sex with the last BF, often 2x or even 3x a day the first year they were cohabing..........then i only asked her to LOOK at what this says about her feelings for me, when WE have only had sex 20 times in nearly 2 months.
So, i was only trying to get her to see how this FEELS to me........and it is not right, and it speaks to me a very nasty sense that she ither loves me a whole lot less then the past BF or she loves me a whole lot differently.
Ive never tried to use her past sex life as some sort of leverage to get the same amount.
It was never about the amount.
It was always a comparison for the purpose of allowing her to SEE what I SEE.


so, thanx for your opinion, but next time try to be more accurate.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 03:37:12 PM
...
Funny,

you are the typical Russian who cant read anything negative about the motherland or another russian without taking it personally.

Actually, I'm Welsh. That flag you saw besides my post was Norwegian. I live in Norway where they also don't sell chicken in a can.  :sick0012:

Your latest ravings do nothing to change my mind about you or your situation so I'll reiterate;

Quote from: Ade
No matter who is at fault here, it is fairly obvious that you don't have a marriage worth saving, or in fact, a marriage at all in the traditional sense. Divorce and go back to the US (not necessarily in that order). You will both be happy for it.

Going by your posts I would say that you have at the very least some serious personal issues you need to work on. You also don't seem to be at the top of the class in terms of social aptitude. Consider a therapist/counselor.

FWIW, in my experience, normal Russian women are open, warm and affectionate people although they can come across a little stand offish to strangers. Those with psychological problems are as messed up as Western women with the same.

thax for the update.

at least we agree.

my story does not give you the sense of my issue, and your opinion does not have anything to do with my situation.

its nice to agree.
thx.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 03:39:48 PM
You have still not aswered the question as to your location. Your incoherent ramblings do not allow any solid advice to be given. But from what you have told us two possibilities for her behavior come to mind. First, she is not attracted to you. Second, she does not respect you. Time to go home if you are in fact in Isreal. As Manny advised do not import her to the US. Your problems will multiply tenfold.

Hi,
im in Israel, as i posted.



One of the things mods here do is randomly check data of those with stories such as this. It just makes sure that the member is not an old banned member returning, a spammer or some other internet undesirable. I asked you your location a while back because it seemed unusual; because I had looked already where you appeared to be coming from.

Now, I don't doubt your story. It has too much detail to be fake IMO. However, I am confused about the location issue.

Do me a favour, go here: http://www.ip-address.org/ and I bet it doesn't say you are in Israel.


want to bet????


------------------------

IP Location finder accept: www.ip-address.org or ip-address.org
   
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My IP Address:   89.139.189.2
My IP Host:   89-139-189-2.bb.netvision.net.il
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Continent:   Asia (AS)
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State:   Tel Aviv
City:   Ramat Gan
ISP:    NetVision
Organization:   broadband for PT
Time zone:    Asia/Jerusalem

It shows you as being in Israel now, but a few days ago when I checked it showed you being in Poland, that's probably why Manny also asked you to prove it, either you move around very fast or something is amiss here, maybe the Opera browser works like that? if it does, it's a new one on me  ???

The only fast moving ive done recently was to fly on Delta across the Atlantic.
Other then that, my ass is stuck in Netanya since August.
the zip here is 42274
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 03:45:26 PM


Ok, come to israel, and you'll find that you cant buy chicken in a can.

I like to make Chicken Salad., and i like to use chicken in a can.
So, as i cant buy this here, i just buy chickens, cook them, and use the breast for my chicken salad.
However, this is a pain in the ass isnt it?
I have to buy a chicken, cook a chicken, just to create chicken salad because this backwards place wont sell it in a can.



The UK must be backwards too, never come here, because I have never seen chicken in a can here either, mind you its probably not that high up the culinary ladder so its not something I would ever consider looking for  (:)


(http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae97/newbiechick/chicken.jpg)

(http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae97/newbiechick/chicken.jpg)

(http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae97/newbiechick/chicken.jpg)

(http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae97/newbiechick/chicken.jpg)
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 08, 2011, 04:20:27 PM
Im married.
I meant it.
So, this makes the "leaving", a last resort.
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Time wasted writing about is time you could be using more productively or am I wrong ???

Let me tell you this, so that all the amateur shrinks here can have a day in the field.
Im a man that prefers that his wife's tits not be shown by shirts or skirts that are really open in the front so that you can look.
Do u understand?
I dont care to have every man that passes my GF or Wife given the ability to see basically every inch of my mate's tits with the exception of her nipples.
I dont like that look, as i equate a woman who offers too much view, with a woman who ither has a thing for her tits being enjoyed in pubic, or she is simply trying to tease as many as possible, or perhaps she gets off on all the neck bending fellas who are basically under her dominion.
So, basically from day one, we have had issues again even about this..

and online, i was very clear about it..
i told her plainly that im not looking for a nun, but i am looking for some self respect and for the woman to respect me in public by NOT showing off as much flesh as she can now that she is married to me.
If she is single and wants her tits on parade then that is her business, but once she put on my ring, then her public access has to have some respect for ME.

So, did i just ruin my fancy reputation?
Perhaps you, male reader, enjoy allowing every man that passes your wife's tits in the street a chance to see most of them.
Is that you?
Well thats not me.

So, do you want to know why my wife wants to dress this way?
She told me....."well, the clothes are supposed to show off what you have"..........(i translated for you her response)
but basically her idea of sex fashion is for the clothes to REVEAL her body to any looker.
So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

So, for a few weeks she was very careful not to wear a really revealing top when we went in Public.
Then of course, we had a vicious fight about 4 weeks ago, and i left to get away and do some shopping for food.
When i came back, she had left me a note , having gone to a Lawyer's office in search of some answers regarding all the paperwork i need to achieve my "residency" and other legal issues.
When she came home, i was waiting outside, as it was over 3 hours for her return.
So, i had the car, and she walked the 3 blocks in the Sept sun, ...it was about 10:30am when she left and nealy 2pm when she returned.
And i noticed 2 things.
One, ..she had painted her nails after i left and before she left.............and this was odd , as ive known her 2 months and she's painted her nails 2x.
This was the other, and she has not painted them since, and its been a month.

second, she was wearing the most open and revealing top that she owns, and i mean you could see every square inch of this girls top end except for the nipples.
So, i was instantly in a bit of a frenzy as i soon discovered that she was with the Lawyer, with this top, and with those nails.
So, since then, she has been a whole lot better about REVELATIONS., but ive not forgotten this day, that top, those nails, or the fact that she KNEW i would be pissed.
See, i dont care if its a Lawyer.......coz at the end of the day, hes a man in a room with my wife, sitting 20 inches away staring at her barely covered tits that we had FOUGHT ABOUT regarding this very issue, at least 3 or 4 times.
She made this happen, and i dont appreciate it especially after we had an understanding about it.
But in her mind, it was reasonable for her to wear a body revealing outfit in this situation, as that is her mindset about clothes in a professional setting.
To her mind, she was not doing anything but looking her best.
But in the eyes of the Lawyer, he has nothing but meat and more of it to look at for a few hours.
No wonder she took 3 hours to come back.
He was getting a free show and he was happy to just keep the pretty girl's breasts in his eyes for a good long 2 hours viewing.
Pisses me off, even as i write this..

So today, she wants me to go walking, about 9am.
Its a religious holiday here, and everything, the entire city is dead, closed.
So, what shirt does she pick?
You got it.
So, about 3 blocks from the apartment, we have passed the 3rd or 4th male in her age range who is next seen bending his neck toward her tits as she passes by as we are walking on the same road that she used, ...which ive never been on, that leads to the Lawyers office.
So, with all this in my mind, and with many more hungry males on the street heading for us, i pointed out that if she needed the rest of them to get a good long look, then she could do it on her own, and i went back to the apartment.
She followed, then led.

Later we went to the beach, where i wrote earlier, that she was breaking her neck trying not to look at all the hard bodies who walked by.

So, really, i am just seemingly tied to a girl with such cultural differences that this relationship is quickly going to hell, and has.

Tonight, after she came back from the beach..........as i had left before after tiring of her eyes on parade ....she went to her room, came out to eat, and has not come out since.
This was about 5:30p.
At about 7, i went in the room, only to find she had blocked the door with a piano stool.
Too funny.
So, her parent are watching me enter her room after shoving the piano stool out of the way with the door......(the living room where they were looks into her room), and i find her in the bed in the dark.
She likes to go to bed about 8, so this was a bit earlier but not terribly out of the norm.
I ask her if she will be coming back to the room with me this night, and she replied "NO".
So, i go and get her pillow, and her blanket she likes to use, i carry it to her in front of the parents who are certainly wondering WTF, and i give her the stuff.

Now im writing this at a bit after midnight, because i cant sleep.
This is usual.

And you know what will happen now?
In the morning, about 6:55am, she will get up and use the bathroom, and then eat.
Following this she will dress for work, and maybe check the Internet.
Then she will quickly leave the apartment, climb in her car, and that will be how it goes.
There have been many mornings like this that followed nights of bitterness.
So, i wont see her again, till the afternoon, and she will totally avoid me, wont talk, and will be angry if i try to go into her room while she's there.
Probably tomorrow night, she will finally come in my room and have a look of hurt on her face, and then of course, its my job to overlook yesterday, and then today when she ignored me in the am.
And if i mention any of these things tomorrow night when she finally comes in here, she'll get angry, and tell me im "arguing".

so, what i did to communicate, is i wrote her an email that told her that if she continued to >stare< at men when im with her in public,  then im going to find my way back to a place that allows her to look till her eyes burn out of their sockets.

then i pointed out that the next time she takes me on a walk.......do not wear the same revealing shirt that has caused us such a nasty episode, and especially do not wear it on the same ROAD that is nothing to me but an aggravated memory.

and finally i gave her a fair warning, because im feeling a weird sense that this girl is going to be unfaithful soon.
I told her that before she tries that trick, and i find out...........to just send me back to the USA.
To not betray me, after ive been faithful, and after ive flown across the globe just to make this relationship REAL.
And so, if she feels that she is not going to be able to be mine, and has now in her brain an idea of infidelity,....then just let me go, send me home, and do not betray me with that kind of insult and heartbreak.
I even told her that she need not explain the reason she would ask me to leave.
I dont expect her to admit any sort of planned infidelity.......of course..........so, i just told her to tell me........":its not working"...
And im good.
But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.
And i hope she understands what im saying, because im quite sure that YOU dear reader understand my meaning without me having to explain WHY i would be going to jail.
Honestly, there is no way that i would be so betrayed, after i came here to help this girl immigrate, and after i gave up my entire known life and world to do it...........and if she betrayed me that way.....then hell to pay is not half of what you will be reading about in your local newspaper.
I can promise the result of her betraying me that way, after all ive done here, will find that story on the TV for a while.
And you have already heard about it before it happened.
I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: kenny2112 on October 08, 2011, 04:26:11 PM
You still haven't answer the question of where in the US you are from but at this point it is a moot point.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 08, 2011, 04:28:42 PM
I do empathise with the OP, he has a brain problem and needs to see a Doctor, or better still more prosaic drama coach..

Come on, who's sockie is this!!!??

Ste,

It's been quite a few months since you've posted here.  I thought we'd lost your erudite comments for good.

And his dry and slightly twisted (sometimes totally twisted) humor and his ability to say things
in a way that no American can understand. I mean what the fook is sockie?

A "sockie" is a "sock puppet". A fake member. Someone maybe a mod would post as to create traffic on a quiet site. (I know a Greek who does this)

We never did that. It is disingenuous. But amazing stories always prompt someone to ask "is this a sockie?"  :chuckle:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 08, 2011, 05:49:48 PM
You told us you are 43. How old is your wife?
It looks you are not compatible at all. Did you discuss  where you are going to live after the marriage? I think you are not going to live in her parents apartment for a long time. Do you talk to her parents? What do they say?
You are freaked out because you are excessively jealous.  She works, and she is very independent young woman, and you are not, and it makes you upset. Girls and many women in the USA are also half naked in summer, and climate in Israel is  hotter than in USA. She will not follow your will, ... and what you are trying to do with her now is called abuse.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: AvHdB on October 08, 2011, 09:12:50 PM
RUA proudly brings to you the official sequel to Mission Impossible!

I have tried for a while to figure this out - and come back this comment! BRILLIANT

But in fact this is an interesting thread because I suspect there are two entirely different cultures facing each other. I do not think Still Guy is a troll and I guess his "spouse" has feelings.

At RUA we get to watch (from one side) the fall out or  :trainwreck:

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 08, 2011, 09:39:26 PM
There is a problem with the timeline.


She absolutely didnt want to sleep with me at night in the same room or in the same bed.
This started the 4th day i was here.

And i had no idea she would feel this way, and so the night she just looked at me with no emotion and said........."ok, im going into the small room to sleep"..
And im like........"WHAT"?
So, it was not only that she was going to go to another room at night, it was that she didnt even try to discuss it with me, or explain it....it was just a cut and dried decision that she made and sprung on me.



When i met her, it felt a bit awkward in person, as she gave me a handshake in the airport.
By the 3rd day she told me she had "thanked God" for giving her such a person
The first week i knew her, we stayed in a beautiful apartment,.........for 10 days...........we slept together, but never did i touch her, as i told her i would not do this until we were married.

We had a pretty good time that first  days..., tho there was a bit of communication issue, as she speaks good English, but not perfect, and the same can be said for her comprehension, of course.

We were married on the 10th day, and following this, there was what seemed to be a normal romance with good intimacy.


Even if we disregard the glaring inconsistency in the story, getting married after ten days together is exquisitely foolish. As a point of reference, my wife and I spent ten weeks together, spread out over a year... and we both felt that we were rushing. Be that as it may, we had a pretty good idea what we could expect from each other. Obviously, you and your wife did not.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Steamer on October 08, 2011, 10:19:03 PM
Is there anywhere in Israel that you could buy a whole rotisserie cooked chicken? They sell these in most supermarkets in the  US for $5 or $6. These make fantastic chicken salad and are much cheaper than that canned stuff.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Rasputin on October 08, 2011, 10:40:43 PM
Im a man that prefers that his wife's tits not be shown by shirts or skirts that are really open in the front so that you can look.
Do u understand?

You spent five years chatting with her on Skype and presumably she sent you many photos of herself, yet you never noticed whether she had a tendency to wear revealing clothing  ??? Did she don a chador before chatting with you on Skype  :o

Quote
I dont like that look, as i equate a woman who offers too much view, with a woman who ither has a thing for her tits being enjoyed in pubic, or she is simply trying to tease as many as possible, or perhaps she gets off on all the neck bending fellas who are basically under her dominion.
So, basically from day one, we have had issues again even about this..

Then, why did you marry her? Women don't change because they put on a wedding ring. If she liked wearing revealing clothing and plunging necklines before getting married, she will rarely dress like a nun afterwards  :-X

Quote
i told her plainly that im not looking for a nun, but i am looking for some self respect and for the woman to respect me in public by NOT showing off as much flesh as she can now that she is married to me.

Again, you should have looked for a different woman before marrying her  :biggrin:

Quote
If she is single and wants her tits on parade then that is her business, but once she put on my ring, then her public access has to have some respect for ME.

In other words, you dated her when she had her "tits on parade" but once you marry her you want to control what she wears  ???

Quote
So, did i just ruin my fancy reputation?
Perhaps you, male reader, enjoy allowing every man that passes your wife's tits in the street a chance to see most of them.
Is that you?
Well thats not me.

I simply had the good sense to marry a woman whose behaviour prior to marriage was the behaviour that I expected after marriage. You know those clichés involving leopards and spots...

Quote
So, do you want to know why my wife wants to dress this way?
She told me....."well, the clothes are supposed to show off what you have"..........(i translated for you her response)
but basically her idea of sex fashion is for the clothes to REVEAL her body to any looker.
So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

Again, you chatted with her for five years before meeting, couldn't you have brought this up at some point before getting married  :scared0005:

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: 2tallbill on October 08, 2011, 11:18:10 PM


So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

And i noticed 2 things.
One, ..she had painted her nails after i left and before she left.............and this was odd , as ive known her 2 months and she's painted her nails 2x.
This was the other, and she has not painted them since, and its been a month.

second, she was wearing the most open and revealing top that she owns, and i mean you could see every square inch of this girls top end except for the nipples.
So, i was instantly in a bit of a frenzy as i soon discovered that she was with the Lawyer, with this top, and with those nails.
So, since then, she has been a whole lot better about REVELATIONS., but ive not forgotten this day, that top, those nails, or the fact that she KNEW i would be pissed.

To her mind, she was not doing anything but looking her best.

Pisses me off, even as i write this..

So, with all this in my mind, and with many more hungry males on the street heading for us, i pointed out that if she needed the rest of them to get a good long look, then she could do it on her own, and i went back to the apartment.
She followed, then led.

Later we went to the beach, where i wrote earlier, that she was breaking her neck trying not to look at all the hard bodies who walked by.

I ask her if she will be coming back to the room with me this night, and she replied "NO".
So, i go and get her pillow, and her blanket she likes to use, i carry it to her in front of the parents who are certainly wondering WTF, and i give her the stuff.


and finally i gave her a fair warning, because im feeling a weird sense that this girl is going to be unfaithful soon.

But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.

I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.

Are you going to kill or hurt someone or some people ?

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Halo on October 08, 2011, 11:38:18 PM
In Israel most of the people are  Orthodox Jews , and of course, their stores are closed. Orthodox ones don't even light the stove on Saturday. It's their holy day... When you are in Rome do what the Romans do...

And remember in Orthodox Jewish families girls  don't sleep with their boyfriends before they got married. And in many families in Israel men make love through a special hole in the sheet. When you live there longer you will know why.

I am not a Jew but I know it. Why aren't you know that?

Only about a quarter of Israelis are Orthodox Jews.  One quarter are secular, and about half are traditional, but not Orthodox. 

An Orthodox or traditional Jew would not marry a non Jew, or would demand conversion, at the very least.

The "hole in the sheet" is not true -

http://www.snopes.com/religion/sheet.asp


A "moving IP" is sometimes the result of a using a proxy. 

Still Water, if you're real, you have some real issues about women.  Do the right thing, go home, and have your marriage anulled or divorce.  Work on those issues.   
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Anteros on October 08, 2011, 11:44:34 PM


So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

And i noticed 2 things.
One, ..she had painted her nails after i left and before she left.............and this was odd , as ive known her 2 months and she's painted her nails 2x.
This was the other, and she has not painted them since, and its been a month.

second, she was wearing the most open and revealing top that she owns, and i mean you could see every square inch of this girls top end except for the nipples.
So, i was instantly in a bit of a frenzy as i soon discovered that she was with the Lawyer, with this top, and with those nails.
So, since then, she has been a whole lot better about REVELATIONS., but ive not forgotten this day, that top, those nails, or the fact that she KNEW i would be pissed.

To her mind, she was not doing anything but looking her best.

Pisses me off, even as i write this..

So, with all this in my mind, and with many more hungry males on the street heading for us, i pointed out that if she needed the rest of them to get a good long look, then she could do it on her own, and i went back to the apartment.
She followed, then led.

Later we went to the beach, where i wrote earlier, that she was breaking her neck trying not to look at all the hard bodies who walked by.

I ask her if she will be coming back to the room with me this night, and she replied "NO".
So, i go and get her pillow, and her blanket she likes to use, i carry it to her in front of the parents who are certainly wondering WTF, and i give her the stuff.


and finally i gave her a fair warning, because im feeling a weird sense that this girl is going to be unfaithful soon.

But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.

I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.

Are you going to kill or hurt someone or some people ?

Perhaps this should be taken very seriously.  I would not like to think that we conversed with a man who then went on to harm his wife and/or others in any way shape or form.  I hope that Manny will consider this carefully.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ECR844 on October 09, 2011, 12:43:59 AM
Let me tell you this, so that all the amateur shrinks here can have a day in the field.

Your own words make it clear here to even a casual observer that 'you're not normal' and having problems that need to be addressed by a competent professional. Do I need to further highlight the point for you?

and finally i gave her a fair warning, because im feeling a weird sense that this girl is going to be unfaithful soon.

Get paranoid much? Perhaps the small minority and remaining rational portion of your consciousnesses knows that by your words, deeds and actions you are damaging your relationship with her past the point of repair? Perhaps somewhere deep inside you realize that you are in essence taunting and daring her to do such and making it easy for her to reach that decision so that you can whine and wail to all who will listen about how she further 'victimized you'? Of course your tale leaves you blameless and innocent of any wrong doing which has a part in the forthcoming 'fiction' right? Are you still a legend in your own mind?

 
I told her that before she tries that trick, and i find out...........

Please fill in the blank threats that you left out in the pause and periods.... Highlight your words for us.

To not betray me, after ive been faithful, and after ive flown across the globe just to make this relationship REAL.
And so, if she feels that she is not going to be able to be mine, and has now in her brain an idea of infidelity,....then just let me go, send me home, and do not betray me with that kind of insult and heartbreak.
I even told her that she need not explain the reason she would ask me to leave.
I dont expect her to admit any sort of planned infidelity.......of course..........so, i just told her to tell me........":its not working"...

See above, you're already working out your various 'victim' scenarios in your mind instead of putting in the time, effort, work, and feelings into repairing your marriage. You should really stop and decide if this is a marriage you wish to continue in or whether you are going to terminate it and cut ties with her. It's a yes or no answer. Which is it? Can you even admit the truthful answer out loud to yourself?

And im good.
But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.

Why would you be going to jail? What is your implied threat here? what were the exact words and tone you used? Was she afraid? What else happened that you're not telling us? Have you levied such threats before?

And i hope she understands what im saying, because im quite sure that YOU dear reader understand my meaning without me having to explain WHY i would be going to jail.

As an American and a native speaker most can clearly infer your meaning. Your making a threat and implications that you intend to perpetrate physical violence upon and or possibly kill your wife.


You're making an explicit statement and highlighting the fact your a danger to yourself and others. How would that end for you in the US do you think?

then hell to pay is not half of what you will be reading about in your local newspaper.
I can promise the result of her betraying me that way, after all ive done here, will find that story on the TV for a while.
And you have already heard about it before it happened.
I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.

You need to see professional medical and psychological help immediately. Your actions, your statements, your threats are not normal. Perhaps as a result of your situation and all the stressors in life you're having a psychotic break (a normal event in such a situation with so many combines major life changes and stressors). You should take yourself to the nearest Emergency Room and speak with an EMH psychologist there and share with them all you have here and all of the stuff you have not shared as surely there is more than you are telling us going on here. Have your wife come with you and speak with them about the behavior she has witnessed and her side of the story.

Let's look at some other points, shall we?

So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

You call your wife a whore and then you wonder why she doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as you? Really, you're lucky you're not a eunich at this point. I know more than a few Russian women who would eat you for lunch if you called them such a name and especially if you were their husband. Really, do you have any class, respect, decency, etc... at all?

When i came back, she had left me a note , having gone to a Lawyer's office in search of some answers regarding all the paperwork i need to achieve my "residency" and other legal issues.
When she came home, i was waiting outside, as it was over 3 hours for her return.
So, i had the car, and she walked the 3 blocks in the Sept sun, ...it was about 10:30am when she left and nealy 2pm when she returned.

Hey... hear that ringing in the background. It's your clue phone. You equated your wife to being a whore and still she had the wherewithal and enough emotion left in her to care for you to ensure you would be ok and able to stay in Israel if things further deteriorated between you.

That does not sound like the actions of 'an uncaring woman' now do they and they occurred after you called her those terrible names.

so, what i did to communicate, is i wrote her an email that told her that if she continued to >stare< at men when im with her in public,  then im going to find my way back to a place that allows her to look till her eyes burn out of their sockets.

An email, really...What are you 15?

By the way, who are you to dictate her wardrobe? Do you have control issues? Feel the need to dominate and direct here actions and behavior much? Do you really believe that is the proper way a MAN <a term which you are regularly showing the forum that applies to you by fact or alleged anatomy only treats his WOMAN-WIFE? Do you really think this is normal?

These are just a few issues in just this one post of yours that jump out to the reader as 'red flags' on your behalf and abnormal behavior.

Once again, I urge you.

Go and seek professional medical and psychological help immediately. Your actions, your statements, your threats are not normal. Perhaps as a result of your situation and all the stressors in life you're having a psychotic break (a normal event in such a situation with so many combines major life changes and stressors). You should take yourself to the nearest Emergency Room and speak with an EMH psychologist there and share with them all you have here and all of the stuff you have not shared as surely there is more than you are telling us going on here. Have your wife come with you and speak with them about the behavior she has witnessed and her side of the story.

Get the help and treatment you need take care of yourself and then try to see if you can repair the damage you've done with your wife and life!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: welder on October 09, 2011, 02:55:19 AM

And so, if she feels that she is not going to be able to be mine, and has now in her brain an idea of infidelity,....then just let me go, send me home, and do not betray me with that kind of insult and heartbreak.
I even told her that she need not explain the reason she would ask me to leave.
I dont expect her to admit any sort of planned infidelity.......of course..........so, i just told her to tell me........":its not working"...
And im good.
But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.
And i hope she understands what im saying, because im quite sure that YOU dear reader understand my meaning without me having to explain WHY i would be going to jail.
Honestly, there is no way that i would be so betrayed, after i came here to help this girl immigrate, and after i gave up my entire known life and world to do it...........and if she betrayed me that way.....then hell to pay is not half of what you will be reading about in your local newspaper.
I can promise the result of her betraying me that way, after all ive done here, will find that story on the TV for a while.
And you have already heard about it before it happened.
I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.


Lets pretend you are not a troll.

Everything above is BS.  She already told you to leave.  Read your own posts!  The only way she will be rid of your free loading behind is if she has you forcibly removed by the authorities.  It is clear you are worse than shyt stuck to a woolen blanket, hiding behind the veil of marriage.

You make reference to what the reading audience understands.  My understanding is you are a cowardly POS.  I can not possibly relate to anyone in this position acting the way you have described.

Your wife should never have to ask for payment on shared debt.  She should have been given the money ahead of time not only for daily living but consideration of emergency scenarios.

Your wife should never need your permission on how she dresses, ever!

Why are you obsessed with how her parents view your actions and statements?  Consideration of your wife is first, everything and anything else pales in comparison.  Your stance is immature and flawed at best.

Be a man and leave the household, respectfully and willingly.  Acknowledge that the relationship has failed and move out. 

Men don't make such pathetic threats; the entire infidelity scenario.  A man removes himself from such a situation before it presents itself.

My belief is that the entire scenario has been the fabrication of a troll.  The ending of this tale will be the man finds his true half in a group therapy session after leaving his wife.  A viable second ending could be a blossoming relation with a barn yard animal...... 
 
 

Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 09, 2011, 05:42:02 AM
Im married.
I meant it.
So, this makes the "leaving", a last resort.
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Time wasted writing about is time you could be using more productively or am I wrong ???

i would love to address all the issues with my wife.
however, her way to address the issue is to put on a face like a stubborn rock, tell me im "arguing", then leave to another room for 8 hrs.
This is her preferred way to freeze me until i behave.
The problem is.......with about 4 issues running hot,......the more she left the room, the longer the issue became.
I think she does not understand that "not talking about it", is not the way to solve things that at first are small, but with repeated avoidance, the party being left in the hurt, begins to think that every accusation that is met by avoidance, is TRUE.
And THAT is what has hardened and she just didnt realize it.

Today, we had a bitter argument that was related to the beach situation from yesterday.
Her way of avoiding being confronted with all her dedicated staring at every man that gets near her , is to just stay away from me for a day.
But by doing this, all she gains is nothing.
Coz in real life, if you have nothing to hide, then you dont hide.

Also, when a person gets angry and refuses to discuss, this is most often the sign of guilt.
A guilty conscience is an angry mouth.
Every time.
A guilty conscience will always try to reverse the accusation back to you, instead of just dealing with the topic.

for example.

say you caught your wife looking at a mans swim trunks right after he came out of the water and she could see all his parts.
so, you say.......damn, do you have to stare at him?
and she says.........."hey, dont you look at women"?

so, do u see?
that is guilt trying a basic reverse justification.
and its not very effective with men, coz all it does is create even more suspicion in an already too sensitive man's mind.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: JeanClaude on October 09, 2011, 05:51:14 AM
Quote
Her way of avoiding being confronted with all her dedicated staring at every man that gets near her , is to just stay away from me for a day.

Why are you still with this women?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 09, 2011, 05:59:16 AM
Still_Water:
Before going to your new country you should have learned what kind of country it is. To you knowledge  one third or more of the population there are Russian Jews who immigrated there in 70-90s. And they brought their food there which is much better and nutritious than" canned chicken". And they cook their food at home , not like many lazy Americans who prefer to eat fast food because they are too"busy" and even at home eat from paper plates because they don't want to wash the dishes.

When I visited my friends in Brooklyn NY, on weekends Jewish neighborhoods were empty starting with Friday night , they have family Sabbath dinners , and on Saturdays all the stores are closed and they spend time at synagogues. And it's in the United States . In Israel most of the people are  Orthodox Jews , and of course, their stores are closed. Orthodox ones don't even light the stove on Saturday. It's their holy day... When you are in Rome do what the Romans do...

Borscht... Believe or not all my American friends, men and women, just LOVE it and ask to make again . And I lived in several states here, and they also like  all the other Russian food I make. If you don't believe me, read what other forum members  say about Eastern European food.

You called me bitter. I am not ! I am surprised how you could get into situation like that. Before my coming to USA many years ago I spent many hours learning about this country, and anyway it was a shock for some time. It takes about half a year to adjust to a new life. Sometimes more.

As far as I learned from my medical classes , all the canned food has preservatives in it which don't benefit anybody's health. That's why people who understand it, never use canned food at all. People who live in Israel mostly use Mediterranean diet which consists mostly of fruit, vegetables , fish and lean meat. My friends just came from Tel A Viv, they stayed there for two months , they enjoyed everything there especially.

If your wife is cold with you, she doesn't like something about you. Don't try to please anybody, just be yourself.
Did you make  any attempts to get a job,or you are going to stay there as her dependent?  It's very difficult to live when only one member of the family has a job.

And remember in Orthodox Jewish families girls  don't sleep with their boyfriends before they got married. And in many families in Israel men make love through a special hole in the sheet. When you live there longer you will know why.

I am not a Jew but I know it. Why aren't you know that?


Kassie,

i know about this country.
i didnt come here with any expectations or requirements.
however, knowing is not the same as loving it..:)

and about Borsch.....i like it., but, that does not mean i want it.

and also, i am pretty flexable, tho im sure that ive come across as dogmatic and impossible.

the fact is,
i am really tired.
and then, we had to spend our first month of marriage in room that is about 12x8.
both of us didnt sleep.
buy the time of the 3rd week, we are both zombies with attitude, and im worse because as she readjusted quickly to the time zone, im 8 weeks into this and im not really adjusted yet.
So, every day, im weary and sort of sleep deprived which of course is not the statte of mind one needs to be in when your new wife is having sex with you 20x in 8 weeks while she had it 20x in 5 days with the last BF who left her in the cold.

Also, when a person is really really tired all the time from a food weirdness issue combined with no sleep that is really deep or good, and his wife is found continually bending her neck to look at every 20-40 year old that passes us BOTH, then maybe i dont need to explain what this makes me feel.
Its not that im not secure in myself, but, to have to continually witness this girl just looking looking looking at every thing that has a male part, just got very OLD..

and then, when she suddenly started needing her "alone time",.....was not what i had planned nor was it what she had told me to expect.

Let me ask you a question.
Im sure you look at men.
In sure if a nice looking man with a nice body is near you, you will take a look.
However, if you are with YOUR MAN, do you have to look and often stare at every male that you see WHILE you are with your love?

so, i dont think that any man would like what im seeing.
its offensive.
its not that i think that looking is such a problem, but when a person is just eyeballing every single man in my presence....well, that gets to be old, and now its gotten to be a problem.

and its strange.
now that im so aggravated with this girl and i dont really even feel any sex drive, she has suddenly become very aggressive nearly every day the last week.
This is so strange., as for the first 8 weeks, i was really putting in so much effort, and now that i just dont care, she is on me like sugar on a cake.
Its as if she realized that i dont really want it now, so, NOW she wants it all the time.

later.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 09, 2011, 06:13:47 AM

And ive not required or demanded anything that you or anyone else would also demand, given the same crazy situation.

I disagree. I think everyone is hanging in the sidelines on this topic hoping someone else will take the time to chip in. However, I can assure you that some of your expectations and demands are far from what many others would do.


Well let me define my requirements.

1. that the person i marry make sure that im made to feel that im  the most important thing in her life., and that means that she comes home and comes to see me before she plays with the cat, turns on the Internet, reads her emails, or in general just wastes an hour doing nothing before she finally comes to be with me..

that means, that im made to FEEL that im  more important then the internet, or the cat.


2. that im given the right to settle an argument, vs being walked out on as the way to just never settle a conflict or a disagreement.

3. that she sleeps in the same bed with me or at least the same room, all night.

4. that she not wear " :censored: me" clothes in public ither around me or without me around.

5. that she keep her eyes off 95 out of 100 males that pass her in a mall, on a beach, or on a bike.
she can look at 5 out of 100., obo.

6. that she not tell me lies to manipulate me, or to  try to win an argument then later tell me........."oh i never said that"

is that too much to ask?

7. would be that we spend most of her days off together, and that we cuddle in bed on her offdays, for a few mins or even more, but always we do that.

and what i dont expect and require.

i dont require that she cook for me.
i dont require that she wash my clothes or fold them or iron them.
i dont require that she clean  the room where i stay, sleep, or exist.
i dont require that she show me her bank account or her private emails.
i dont require that she spend all her off time with me.
i dont require her to have sex with me every day or every other day, nor do i require her to do some marriage oral sex maintenance when i am in the mood and she is not.

so, i think in pretty fair.
i require only the basics, and i give a lot in return.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Still_Water on October 09, 2011, 06:20:57 AM
Quote
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Bruce, good advice, however as he can only focus constantly on sex (and chicken in a can) I don't think that he cares about a relationship. In this twisted and warped way it appears that the essence of a relationship consists of sex and chicken in a can. If she would more happily supply those 2 things, he'd be in a perfect marriage...at least in his mind.

God forbid she stares at one of the cans however because she'll be accused of having a relationship with the tin can. The sex is obviously more important than the chicken however because we've yet to read about 20 cans of chicken in 7.9 weeks.

well your comment was misguided and moronic but, then so are you.

the fact is...
i dont require sex, and ive not posted or implied that this is the issue.
I stated long ago that i discovered that she slept with her last boyfriend all night in their bed for 2 years, and that they had a lot of sex.
After i discovered this, i realized that my relationship with her was so much less then this......and in this discovery i began to point out the facts.
and so would you, fella.
I had to ask her WHY she would not sleep with me in our bed, as compared to the other BF.
This has never been answered, but has only been ither denied later, or spun, or most of the time she used this question as an escape to another room for another day.
All she had to do was say..........because i dont like sleeping with you.
or, whatever.
but to just refuse to talk about it, only led to some ugly partings...

as a matter of fact, if your lover, wife, GF, was looking looking looking at every male within her radar, and doing this in front of you no matter the place, or event, you would at some point ask her WTF !!!!!!!!!1.........that is unless you just dont care if she stares at all available men that are around.

so, thats what im doing.
and im going to keep on asking until this girl realizes her HABIT and makes a damn effort to not offend me with it.

bottom line.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: sparky114 on October 09, 2011, 06:27:52 AM
Quote
Then maybe stop moaning and bitching at length on here about it and use the time to address your relationship failings between yourself and your wife.

Bruce, good advice, however as he can only focus constantly on sex (and chicken in a can) I don't think that he cares about a relationship. In this twisted and warped way it appears that the essence of a relationship consists of sex and chicken in a can. If she would more happily supply those 2 things, he'd be in a perfect marriage...at least in his mind.

God forbid she stares at one of the cans however because she'll be accused of having a relationship with the tin can. The sex is obviously more important than the chicken however because we've yet to read about 20 cans of chicken in 7.9 weeks.

well your comment was misguided and moronic but, then so are you.

the fact is...
i dont require sex, and ive not posted or implied that this is the issue.
I stated long ago that i discovered that she slept with her last boyfriend all night in their bed for 2 years, and that they had a lot of sex.
After i discovered this, i realized that my relationship with her was so much less then this......and in this discovery i began to point out the facts.
and so would you, fella.
I had to ask her WHY she would not sleep with me in our bed, as compared to the other BF.
This has never been answered, but has only been ither denied later, or spun, or most of the time she used this question as an escape to another room for another day.
All she had to do was say..........because i dont like sleeping with you.
or, whatever.
but to just refuse to talk about it, only led to some ugly partings...

as a matter of fact, if your lover, wife, GF, was looking looking looking at every male within her radar, and doing this in front of you no matter the place, or event, you would at some point ask her WTF !!!!!!!!!1.........that is unless you just dont care if she stares at all available men that are around.

so, thats what im doing.
and im going to keep on asking until this girl realizes her HABIT and makes a damn effort to not offend me with it.

bottom line.

I think you need to go home now  :reading:
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: chelseaboy on October 09, 2011, 07:02:44 AM
Still_Water,

                 Your wife likes to wear revealing clothes,and stares at other men.What does that tell you ?

You can't change what she is,and nor should you try.You shouldn't be trying to control her,as that will make the problems between you worse.You sound like a jealous kind of person and, from what you've told us, that won't work with this woman.

So,you have a choice.Accept her for who she is,and there's nothing to stop you behaving in the same way as her,or dump her and go home,before you do something stupid which will affect the rest of your life badly.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: AvHdB on October 09, 2011, 08:16:51 AM

2nd, i didnt come here because i needed a job, i came here to satisfy the requirements related to bringing my wife >legally< back to the USA.

3rd, i didnt start this thread to brag about my life success, tho i can do it if you need it, and apparently you are needy.


Can you explain your technique to bring your wife back >legally< to the United States? Was that YOUR goal?

Since this is such a negative thread please share some of your successes. Perhaps you have you played in New York with P. Glass or played with The New York Philharmonic or done sessions with P. Weller.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 09, 2011, 08:20:03 AM
Do you understand that it's time to get your butt out of there immediately? If you get to jail for your threats, emotional, mental and physical abuse you will stay there forever and ever. You don't know the language, don't know the laws, officially you are not even a resident of that country, nobody will come to visit you there,  you don't like the food and anything else there,  and you don't even work...                                                                   
 She will never sleep with you , and you cannot demand it! You are probably at least 15 years older than her. and too old for her! She does not need you! You saved your money on a trip to come and see the girl and spend some time with her before getting married , now you get the results. It's so true: cheap pays twice.
 I know many girls from Eastern Europe from my city who married Americans with age gap 15-25 years , and all of them are divorced now, and they found much younger men in the states ( or they found them), and live much happier life with them. You are below  her expectations, and it's time to admit it. She is a young good looking girl and she dresses up according to her age group, and so what if she looks at young men, she is also young. Does she talk to them in your presence, does she kiss them or do anything like that? No, she doesn't.  You probably look like her father next to her, not like a newly wed husband. And you feel it, and you are jealous , insecure and controlling, and also annoying. And I suspect you have some kind of sexual problems too because emotionally you are very unstable . You made a mistake ( actually both), and be strong enough to correct it.
 Rejection is not the reason to ruin your life. If you get to jail there, you are in trouble big time even when you get back to the USA, if it ever happens...
 
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: AvHdB on October 09, 2011, 08:30:13 AM
Still Water,

After reading through this entire thread I tend to agree with Krassie.

Yes there are women who will accept a large age difference, but most often there is an equilibrium because of emotional needs or financial where with all of one partner.

Sorry to say it it seems in your situation you have neither.

Take your licks and remember the good times because the bad times could be truly ugly for you.

AvHdB
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Paul on October 09, 2011, 08:41:46 AM
You are below  her expectations, and it's time to admit it.

This thread really does not need to go any further than that statement.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Krassie on October 09, 2011, 09:02:39 AM
I think so too. This thread shouldn't go further.
1) he sold the house in USA  and says he wants to take his wife to the USA.
2) he shipped his stuff to Israel. Why? if he wants to take her to the USA.
3) he applied for Israeli residency. Why? if he wants to take his wife to the USA.
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: TomT on October 09, 2011, 09:46:47 AM
I reckon that the details are moot. It would probably be for the best to let S_W have his say, however. He isn't following through in reality while he's venting on the keyboard. My vote is to keep the thread open; it may be therapeutic.

Given the circumstances, I suggest that the mods be quick to edit out anything that would not be therapeutic.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Rasputin on October 09, 2011, 09:50:35 AM
as a matter of fact, if your lover, wife, GF, was looking looking looking at every male within her radar, and doing this in front of you no matter the place, or event, you would at some point ask her WTF !!!!!!!!!1.........that is unless you just dont care if she stares at all available men that are around.

If I had a GF who was looking around at every male, I would not have married her  tiphat Rather, I married a woman that I knew loved me and I loved her.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Manny on October 09, 2011, 11:04:28 AM
So, do you want to know why my wife wants to dress this way?
She told me....."well, the clothes are supposed to show off what you have"..........(i translated for you her response)
but basically her idea of sex fashion is for the clothes to REVEAL her body to any looker.

Russian women sometimes like to wear revealing clothes and paint their nails? We must alert the church elders!  :whistle:

So, i pointed out that this is really low grade hookiing, or being a low grade whore.

So, for a few weeks she was very careful not to wear a really revealing top when we went in Public.
Then of course, we had a vicious fight about 4 weeks ago, and i left to get away and do some shopping for food.
When i came back, she had left me a note , having gone to a Lawyer's office in search of some answers regarding all the paperwork i need to achieve my "residency" and other legal issues.
When she came home, i was waiting outside, as it was over 3 hours for her return.
So, i had the car, and she walked the 3 blocks in the Sept sun, ...it was about 10:30am when she left and nealy 2pm when she returned.
And i noticed 2 things.
One, ..she had painted her nails after i left and before she left.............and this was odd , as ive known her 2 months and she's painted her nails 2x.
This was the other, and she has not painted them since, and its been a month.

second, she was wearing the most open and revealing top that she owns, and i mean you could see every square inch of this girls top end except for the nipples.
So, i was instantly in a bit of a frenzy as i soon discovered that she was with the Lawyer, with this top, and with those nails.
So, since then, she has been a whole lot better about REVELATIONS., but ive not forgotten this day, that top, those nails, or the fact that she KNEW i would be pissed.
See, i dont care if its a Lawyer.......coz at the end of the day, hes a man in a room with my wife, sitting 20 inches away staring at her barely covered tits that we had FOUGHT ABOUT regarding this very issue, at least 3 or 4 times.
She made this happen, and i dont appreciate it especially after we had an understanding about it.
But in her mind, it was reasonable for her to wear a body revealing outfit in this situation, as that is her mindset about clothes in a professional setting.
To her mind, she was not doing anything but looking her best.
But in the eyes of the Lawyer, he has nothing but meat and more of it to look at for a few hours.
No wonder she took 3 hours to come back.
He was getting a free show and he was happy to just keep the pretty girl's breasts in his eyes for a good long 2 hours viewing.
Pisses me off, even as i write this..

You are obviously a very jealous guy.

So today, she wants me to go walking, about 9am.
Its a religious holiday here, and everything, the entire city is dead, closed.
So, what shirt does she pick?
You got it.
So, about 3 blocks from the apartment, we have passed the 3rd or 4th male in her age range who is next seen bending his neck toward her tits as she passes by as we are walking on the same road that she used, ...which ive never been on, that leads to the Lawyers office.
So, with all this in my mind, and with many more hungry males on the street heading for us, i pointed out that if she needed the rest of them to get a good long look, then she could do it on her own, and i went back to the apartment.

Very insecure too.

Tonight, after she came back from the beach..........as i had left before after tiring of her eyes on parade ....she went to her room, came out to eat, and has not come out since.
This was about 5:30p.
At about 7, i went in the room, only to find she had blocked the door with a piano stool.
Too funny.

I don't blame her.

So, her parent are watching me enter her room after shoving the piano stool out of the way with the door......(the living room where they were looks into her room), and i find her in the bed in the dark.
She likes to go to bed about 8, so this was a bit earlier but not terribly out of the norm.
I ask her if she will be coming back to the room with me this night, and she replied "NO".
So, i go and get her pillow, and her blanket she likes to use, i carry it to her in front of the parents who are certainly wondering WTF, and i give her the stuff.

I bet her parents feel quite sorry for her.

Probably tomorrow night, she will finally come in my room and have a look of hurt on her face, and then of course, its my job to overlook yesterday, and then today when she ignored me in the am.

Overlook? You should be profusely apologising for behaving like an arse. No wonder she ignores you.

so, what i did to communicate, is i wrote her an email that told her that if she continued to >stare< at men when im with her in public,  then im going to find my way back to a place that allows her to look till her eyes burn out of their sockets.

then i pointed out that the next time she takes me on a walk.......do not wear the same revealing shirt that has caused us such a nasty episode, and especially do not wear it on the same ROAD that is nothing to me but an aggravated memory.

 :'(

and finally i gave her a fair warning, because im feeling a weird sense that this girl is going to be unfaithful soon.
I told her that before she tries that trick, and i find out...........to just send me back to the USA.
To not betray me, after ive been faithful, and after ive flown across the globe just to make this relationship REAL.
And so, if she feels that she is not going to be able to be mine, and has now in her brain an idea of infidelity,....then just let me go, send me home, and do not betray me with that kind of insult and heartbreak.
I even told her that she need not explain the reason she would ask me to leave.
I dont expect her to admit any sort of planned infidelity.......of course..........so, i just told her to tell me........":its not working"...

So now when she wants to dump you for any reason, you will assume it is because she had a bunk up with another bloke? This is your imagination and nothing else.

But i did tell her that if she kept me here and betrayed me, then i would be going to jail and she would be the reason.
And i hope she understands what im saying, because im quite sure that YOU dear reader understand my meaning without me having to explain WHY i would be going to jail.

It was mentioned earlier, you do need some professional help. That is not a sarcastic comment.

Honestly, there is no way that i would be so betrayed, after i came here to help this girl immigrate, and after i gave up my entire known life and world to do it...........and if she betrayed me that way.....then hell to pay is not half of what you will be reading about in your local newspaper.
I can promise the result of her betraying me that way, after all ive done here, will find that story on the TV for a while.
And you have already heard about it before it happened.
I hope she's smart.
Because if she pulls that hat trick on me, then the late breaking news from Israel,  is going to be amazing.
Fact.

Words fail me. Again, get professional help before you do something you may regret.
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: ChrisE on October 09, 2011, 11:15:33 AM
wow, 13 pages of this drivel, and steadily getting worse. Is there a shrink in the house? Oh yeah, Israel has a TON of doctors and lawyers, so take your pick of which one will be most effective!
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Rasputin on October 09, 2011, 11:17:52 AM
You are obviously a very jealous guy.

Very insecure too.

In this case, this sums it up quite nicely  tiphat
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Steamer on October 09, 2011, 06:00:54 PM
Why are you still with this women?

Or why is this woman still with you? Why hasn't she kicked you out the door already?
Title: Re: Freaked out with a long way to go.
Post by: Anteros on October 09, 2011, 06:51:32 PM

Words fail me. Again, get professional help before you do something you may regret.

Please don't say that when this story is over, that I did not warn you one way or the other.  It may just be a large prank or it may be much more serious.

 :trainwreck: