Good luck with the answer. With that kind of income in her career she’d be giving up a lot. May I ask why it took you 52 hours to get there? I traveled from the west coast and made the journey in just under 24 hours.Very true about her income.
Good luck with the answer. With that kind of income in her career she’d be giving up a lot. May I ask why it took you 52 hours to get there? I traveled from the west coast and made the journey in just under 24 hours.Very true about her income.
That's a good question. I'm probably not very skilled at buying tickets. I searched for a couple days and this was the best I could find for what I wanted. I like to fly premium economy for the longest leg of the journey. I paid $1700 round trip. I think it was too much but the next best option was $5K and it wasn't much better in terms of travel time. My trips always take 3 hops. How about you?
As it turned out, I got stuck in Warsaw for 4 days because of the crazy weather in New York. So I'm going to go back to visit her for one more day and then continue on my way back home.
I used to be able to fly direct from Frankfurt -> Simferopol, no layovers.I have heard about direct flights from California to Moscow. Then back to Ukraine. I will look into this next time. Although I hope there won't be a next time.
Now its Amsterdam->Moscow->Simferopol Talk about going the wrong way first.
Just a thought not sure where in the east of Ukraine you needed to reach, but there are direct daily flights from Vienna to Dnepropetrovsk. So we can do it in 2 flights over and 2 back with some time in Vienna on the return due to flight times. This saves about a 6 hour layover in Kiev each way so much better for us.
Not sure if this helps, but pass it along for anyone interested in this route.
All the best with you and your lady.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I’m British through and through but always felt different than the other boys at Hogwarts, 56 Green Lane, Bolton. Hard to pin it down so I said to my dad one day...
“Ling Chow?,.......”
.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I’m British through and through but always felt different than the other boys at Hogwarts, 56 Green Lane, Bolton. Hard to pin it down so I said to my dad one day...
“Ling Chow?,.......”
.
That's normal today!! How different did you feel, did you ever feel like wearing a skirt and high heels? having a sex change or wasn't sure if you was a male ? That is also normal today.. :chuckle:
We met via Tinder when I was in Ukraine last summer. I can count to 10 in Russian. Since I'm proud of that you can tell I don't really speak it! She is learning English. She makes considerable progress when we are together and relaxed. She gets nervous when I speak too fast. I told her this morning that I think she could survive just fine in an American city with how much she knows.
Speaking of this morning, I saw her again because I got caught up in the JFK flight cancellation disaster. LOT airlines put me up in a nice hotel in Warsaw for 4 days while I wait for another flight home. I can't say enough good about them. I will miss the first two days of teaching my HS students this semester.
Since I was stuck, I flew back across Ukraine to spend one more night with her. Meanwhile she had talked to her parents and a friend about my proposal. They were all on the positive side, essentially telling her to go live her dream.
She made me two more meals, dinner and breakfast. She observed that her cat likes me. And yes, I mean "cat" literally
While in Warsaw I made friends with an English guy who was also stranded. We hung out a few times and went to downtown Warsaw. That's a beautiful place! My abnb host in Warsaw on my layover coming in said Warsaw is a new city, unlike Paris, because the Poles didn't give up when invaded by the nazis during WW2. Since the city was more or less levelled, it's all new since 1945. I didn't mention I have German ancestry.
After some lengthy discussion I then told them that my father was 50% Irish and 50% Scottish and my mother was almost 100% English. I then told then that both families have been in the US for several generations.Both families had been in the US for several generations you say? Then your parents are American not almost 100% English, American.
After some lengthy discussion I then told them that my father was 50% Irish and 50% Scottish and my mother was almost 100% English. I then told then that both families have been in the US for several generations.Both families had been in the US for several generations you say? Then your parents are American not almost 100% English, American.
I used to be able to fly direct from Frankfurt -> Simferopol, no layovers.I have heard about direct flights from California to Moscow. Then back to Ukraine. I will look into this next time. Although I hope there won't be a next time.
Now its Amsterdam->Moscow->Simferopol Talk about going the wrong way first.
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I’m British through and through but always felt different than the other boys at Hogwarts, 56 Green Lane, Bolton. Hard to pin it down so I said to my dad one day...
“Ling Chow?,.......”
.
That's normal today!! How different did you feel, did you ever feel like wearing a skirt and high heels? having a sex change or wasn't sure if you was a male ? That is also normal today.. :chuckle:
Well a clit is vestigial dick and why do men have nipples?
One chromosome different!
.
After some lengthy discussion I then told them that my father was 50% Irish and 50% Aat both families have been in the US for several generations.Both families had been in the US for several generations you say? Then your parents are American not almost 100% English, American.
There's an LA-Moscow direct! Hope there will be a next time! If you're lady is lovely and all goes well, hope you would be planning travels back there to see her family with her...
I have some relatively minor lower back trouble and sitting in the Economy seats isn't good for it. I fly premium economy for the longer legs of the journey. It takes me a minimum of 24 hrs of travel one way and it has been as much as 52 hrs. I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.Or instead of her going solo, you can stop being so cheap and take decent flights? I flew business to Russia and Ukraine, screw economy and I'm only 4 hours away!
I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
Thats's a very cold, if not heartless thing to say to your would be wife. I'd be surprised if that sits with her well.
You've pretty much said to her, ok i've travelled and spent enough and now I've snared you, I'm not going back to your home country again. There are all sorts in this world but don't be surprised if you've gone down in her estimation as a result.
Even if you marry her, the family wont respect you for it and I guarantee the first rough patch you hit (and it will happen) this will be brought up I don't know you but what the hell are you thinking? You marry a woman from the FSU, you marry into an FSU family. Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.
After some lengthy discussion I then told them that my father was 50% Irish and 50% Scottish and my mother was almost 100% English. I then told then that both families have been in the US for several generations.Both families had been in the US for several generations you say? Then your parents are American not almost 100% English, American.
Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.If you read through his posts, you can tell that's what he wanted from the get go so I'm not surprised in the slightest. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned him down now.
Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.If you read through his posts, you can tell that's what he wanted from the get go so I'm not surprised in the slightest. I wouldn't be surprised if she turned him down now.
You say trophy like it's a bad thing))I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.
I had control issues in my marriage but I've learned a lot since then and wasn't that way at all in successive relationships.
One member privately suggested that I try to keep her away from other FSU women, because she can get ideas about how to take advantage of me and leave me. I can't see myself doing that. If you love me, you love me. If you want to leave, leave.
I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
Thats's a very cold, if not heartless thing to say to your would be wife. I'd be surprised if that sits with her well.
You've pretty much said to her, ok i've travelled and spent enough and now I've snared you, I'm not going back to your home country again. There are all sorts in this world but don't be surprised if you've gone down in her estimation as a result.
Even if you marry her, the family wont respect you for it and I guarantee the first rough patch you hit (and it will happen) this will be brought up I don't know you but what the hell are you thinking? You marry a woman from the FSU, you marry into an FSU family. Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.
I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
Thats's a very cold, if not heartless thing to say to your would be wife. I'd be surprised if that sits with her well.
You've pretty much said to her, ok i've travelled and spent enough and now I've snared you, I'm not going back to your home country again. There are all sorts in this world but don't be surprised if you've gone down in her estimation as a result.
Even if you marry her, the family wont respect you for it and I guarantee the first rough patch you hit (and it will happen) this will be brought up I don't know you but what the hell are you thinking? You marry a woman from the FSU, you marry into an FSU family. Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.
:thumbsup: (http://www.yannis.ip3.uk/PHOTOS/E/Emotikons_RUA/clap.gif)
I think he has to be very carefull with the family connection.!
Any how have you tried KAYAK?
Look this flight!
Ukraine Intl Air
00:30 JFK non-stop 16:20 KBP ..................... 8h 50m Ukraine
Ukraine Intl Air 11:35 KBP non-stop 14:20 JFK ..9h 45m
Price £ 491.....
Look this flight!
Ukraine Intl Air
00:30 JFK non-stop 16:20 KBP ..................... 8h 50m Ukraine
Ukraine Intl Air 11:35 KBP non-stop 14:20 JFK ..9h 45m
Price £ 491.....
One member privately suggested that I try to keep her away from other FSU women, because she can get ideas about how to take advantage of me and leave me. I can't see myself doing that. If you love me, you love me. If you want to leave, leave.My wife was never encouraged or discouraged from trying to meet Russian/Ukrainian women by me.
One member privately suggested that I try to keep her away from other FSU women, because she can get ideas about how to take advantage of me and leave me. I can't see myself doing that. If you love me, you love me. If you want to leave, leave.My wife was never encouraged or discouraged from trying to meet Russian/Ukrainian women by me.
After meeting a few (5-8) she said: I don't plan on meeting any more or any again. Never said why.
Going back to the “trophy wife” idea, if your girl is a 9-10 by any standard, I’d be cautious. It is often fake beauty learned from the beauty culture and these girls have very high expectations, especially with money. On a personal level, they tend to be fairly vacuous.I take it you've been burned?
One more comment I wanted to make. I don’t know where the phrase “trophy wife” came up on this thread....
One member privately suggested that I try to keep her away from other FSU women, because she can get ideas about how to take advantage of me and leave me. I can't see myself doing that. If you love me, you love me. If you want to leave, leave.My wife was never encouraged or discouraged from trying to meet Russian/Ukrainian women by me.
After meeting a few (5-8) she said: I don't plan on meeting any more or any again. Never said why.
Going back to the “trophy wife” idea, if your girl is a 9-10 by any standard, I’d be cautious. It is often fake beauty learned from the beauty culture and these girls have very high expectations, especially with money. On a personal level, they tend to be fairly vacuous.I take it you've been burned?
I also understand why some people are cautious but at the end of the day, you only live once and you can weed out the money grabbers pretty easily. I met countless in Kiev as they didn't even attempt to hide it, either they're terrible at what they do or they just don't care as so many schmucks head to Kiev now that they have ripe pickings from the idiots?
I'm actually heading out to Moscow on Tuesday, I bet I'll meet similar but then I've also got a habit of surrounding myself with genuinely rich people anyway so it's not an issue for me (one girl I was seeing, now friends with, her dad is a billionaire in steel industry, I know this as I visited their house and wowza!!!! :o :o :o) so I'll never understand why guys can't figure out the fakes from the real, it's easy to mingle with the ultra wealthy too as a foriegner, it's the FSU not Monaco (which is boring, Nice is 100 times better!).
One more comment I wanted to make. I don’t know where the phrase “trophy wife” came up on this thread....
I brought it up and I was suggesting that now he's snared his target, he doesn't need to go back and do anymore dirty work. At least one could read into that. If that's so, then I think its lazy, disrespectful and doesn't bode well for a future marriage.
A healthy marriage includes a decent relationship with the inlaws, ideally. If its a personality clash for example, there could be good reason to stay apart. If its because you can't be arsed then thats totally different. If I were the father, i'd suggest she meet a man willing to make an effort. I don't go back to BY quite as much these days but weddings, key birthdays and a visit to avoid a prolonged absence is always welcomed.
With regards to grading women 1-10 (however demeaning that is to some), I think guys looking for a partner gets this all back to front. It's not about being a fat, lazy bum and snaring a 10. It's about a person finding their 10. Most men subconsciously or actively want to associate themselves with a beautiful, well dressed woman but the key but is knowing your own worth.
We might see a man with a 6/7 but this man may still be punching above his weight. This woman is his 10 and he should treat her so.
Rosco, you've said it better than I possibly could!
But the bottom-line is if a man decides to be with a woman, she will be a "10" for him in every respect and treat her and behave accordingly. I couldn't agree more!
No, not burned. This is just my impression that I've got from some of the dating sites and the girls I've seen or communicated with there. Also, its not uncommon to see very beautiful women where everything about them screams that materialism is a very important component of their life.Materialism is very important to many people, I'm a capitalist pig who'll buy the latest iPhone and Samsung mobile, I'll drop £1k on clothes at a moments notice and I spend a lot of money on restaurants, hotels and bars. I earned very good money and I spend it well, I can understand that some women have the 'sugar daddy' mindset to put it politely and that can be offputting to many and rightly so as who wants to support someone who won't work?
Of course, what I said are generalizations and won't be true in every case.
And I wasn't talking about scammers or gold-diggers. In my experience there are very few of those here in Moscow. Usually when girls have expectations of finding a man that will fund an expensive lifestyle, they are quite open about it. If someone is able and wants to fund that, then by all means and perhaps it will be a very happy relationship. It's not for me and I'm also realistic about what I can afford, so I don't bother with the girls who's expectations I will not be able to meet.
Have fun in Moscow! It's a lovely city!
Rosco, you've said it better than I possibly could!
But the bottom-line is if a man decides to be with a woman, she will be a "10" for him in every respect and treat her and behave accordingly. I couldn't agree more!
I confess I missed Rosco's golden comment
Credit were it's due
I didn't mention I have German ancestry.Typical American, I'm 10% English, 12% Irish, 68% Korean and 10% German therefore, I feel the need to mention it in some stupid way. You're an American, that's like me saying I'm Scottish despite the fact the last Scot born was 4-5 generations ago, all born in London since.
I have Neanderthal ancestors , I don't mention it to anyone! :-X
There's an LA-Moscow direct! Hope there will be a next time! If you're lady is lovely and all goes well, hope you would be planning travels back there to see her family with her...
I'm not cut out for this travel. I'm at JFK right now. I missed my flight from Borispyl to Frankfurt because I was asleep at the switch, so I had to travel across town to Zhulainy for a 6am flight. I missed what would have been a good night's sleep in my hotel in Warsaw and it cost me $250 to boot.
I have some relatively minor lower back trouble and sitting in the Economy seats isn't good for it. I fly premium economy for the longer legs of the journey. It takes me a minimum of 24 hrs of travel one way and it has been as much as 52 hrs. I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
When I was her age I didn't mind as much as I do now. Then again, I didn't really travel that much back then. I think I need to get rich and buy a private jet with a bed if I want to keep this up.
One cool thing is that she is interested in RV'ing around America. I have had many RV's and have fantasized about going semi full time for years. The idea would be to sell my main house and keep my cabin. Then maybe rent it out Abnb while we are on the road (which I'm doing now anyway), although I wouldn't really need to do that.
She thinks it is a good idea for some of the same reasons as me. You aren't always schlepping your luggage around and you always sleep in your own bed. If you get bored, drive somewhere else. The Pacific Northwest is a particularly appealing place to RV in my opinion. Then there's Canada and also the option of heading south for the winter.
It's just a dream for now. But it's fun to dream sometimes.
No, not burned. This is just my impression that I've got from some of the dating sites and the girls I've seen or communicated with there. Also, its not uncommon to see very beautiful women where everything about them screams that materialism is a very important component of their life.Materialism is very important to many people, I'm a capitalist pig who'll buy the latest iPhone and Samsung mobile, I'll drop £1k on clothes at a moments notice and I spend a lot of money on restaurants, hotels and bars. I earned very good money and I spend it well, I can understand that some women have the 'sugar daddy' mindset to put it politely and that can be offputting to many and rightly so as who wants to support someone who won't work?
Of course, what I said are generalizations and won't be true in every case.
And I wasn't talking about scammers or gold-diggers. In my experience there are very few of those here in Moscow. Usually when girls have expectations of finding a man that will fund an expensive lifestyle, they are quite open about it. If someone is able and wants to fund that, then by all means and perhaps it will be a very happy relationship. It's not for me and I'm also realistic about what I can afford, so I don't bother with the girls who's expectations I will not be able to meet.
Have fun in Moscow! It's a lovely city!
I fully understand where you come from re: expectations, I expect a lot in terms of financial equality, I've found that girls my age who come from rich families are easily accessible in Russia and Ukraine, too easily I'd say but meh. So that's what I look for, I'm actually seeing a girl in Moscow who's currently vacationing in the Alps, her parents own a chalet out there and they've been there for nearly 5 weeks now celebrating Christmas. We match on what is an important level for me, so we shall see what else we match on (it's quite a bit more but dating LD vs. IP are different kettles of fish).
I will enjoy Moscow, it's actually my last trip before I head to Paris for the weekend and then move to Dubai as I've been offered a job out there, I'll probably kick in this little exercise as I won't need to leave Dubai to meet many beautiful women from all over the world!
Good for you. They are just jealous because they can't pull a Hott chick. But they can look on the bright side; Prince Harry is in the same bout as them and he is a "Prince" :chuckle:You say trophy like it's a bad thing))I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.Sounds to me like you've been shopping for a trophy.
I didn't start out on this because I wanted a woman who's not as hot as the women I meet in the US. I agree it doesn't sound good, but in context maybe it wasn't so bad. Her ex was controlling and jealous of all other relationships. He didn't like her traveling without him. Yes, it's a bit selfish on my part, but I also wanted her to know that I'm cool with her doing stuff on her own. OTOH, I would be cool with moving her parents to the US, and even living with us for a while, although we didn't discuss that. Her Dad wrenches on cars like me. I do want to meet him. At any rate, she didn't seem the least bit concerned about it.
For some reason I have Poldark pictured in my mind as Gopher on the Love Boat. :ROFL:No, not burned. This is just my impression that I've got from some of the dating sites and the girls I've seen or communicated with there. Also, its not uncommon to see very beautiful women where everything about them screams that materialism is a very important component of their life.Materialism is very important to many people, I'm a capitalist pig who'll buy the latest iPhone and Samsung mobile, I'll drop £1k on clothes at a moments notice and I spend a lot of money on restaurants, hotels and bars. I earned very good money and I spend it well, I can understand that some women have the 'sugar daddy' mindset to put it politely and that can be offputting to many and rightly so as who wants to support someone who won't work?
Of course, what I said are generalizations and won't be true in every case.
And I wasn't talking about scammers or gold-diggers. In my experience there are very few of those here in Moscow. Usually when girls have expectations of finding a man that will fund an expensive lifestyle, they are quite open about it. If someone is able and wants to fund that, then by all means and perhaps it will be a very happy relationship. It's not for me and I'm also realistic about what I can afford, so I don't bother with the girls who's expectations I will not be able to meet.
Have fun in Moscow! It's a lovely city!
I fully understand where you come from re: expectations, I expect a lot in terms of financial equality, I've found that girls my age who come from rich families are easily accessible in Russia and Ukraine, too easily I'd say but meh. So that's what I look for, I'm actually seeing a girl in Moscow who's currently vacationing in the Alps, her parents own a chalet out there and they've been there for nearly 5 weeks now celebrating Christmas. We match on what is an important level for me, so we shall see what else we match on (it's quite a bit more but dating LD vs. IP are different kettles of fish).
I will enjoy Moscow, it's actually my last trip before I head to Paris for the weekend and then move to Dubai as I've been offered a job out there, I'll probably kick in this little exercise as I won't need to leave Dubai to meet many beautiful women from all over the world!
So Poldark, you appear to know the rich veins fairly well. I will hire you to mine me three beautiful, wealthy Russian women, collect on delivery.
But seriously, I want to be together when we're old and grey... with such goals, that number scale business goes out the window real quick (not that I don't want an attractive mate, but you get my point).
So Poldark, you appear to know the rich veins fairly well. I will hire you to mine me three beautiful, wealthy Russian women, collect on delivery.Only becuase I worked with insanely rich people before my current job, I'm going back to working with insanely rich people for the new job in Dubai. Once you know how they dress, their attitudes, how to act etc. it's easy to fit in and it's easy to pick them out only Russia and Ukraine have obviously rich people whereas in the UK, it's more muted and harder to figure out.
For some reason I have Poldark pictured in my mind as Gopher on the Love Boat. :ROFL:I had to Google that, no thanks! Not me :D
I’ve often noticed the local guys with girls whom I would consider pretty average or less. And I often notice the beauties alone. I wonder if the Russian guys know something the rest of us don’t.
I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got issues and that I may seem inconsistent.
RV traveling is obviously different than airline traveling. I can decide for myself when to stop and I can install any kind of seat I want, with the needed amount of backrest angle. I also don’t have to sit next to John Candys character from Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I’m a bit of a germophobe (my gf mocks me for it, and the inconsistency of getting all greasy in the garage and the junkyard) and I know when the bedding has been washed last in the RV.
I place too much importance on looks also.
Speaking of looks and lookers, I sent her a few videos to show her things within walking distance around my Home. She was thankful and a bit relieved. I also asked her what she would do while I’m at work. She said learn English and go to the gym( which is good news to me as fitness is a priority). So I showed her where there is a nearby gym and found some local ESL classes for her.
I think she has been very close to throwing caution to the wind and saying yes a couple of times. I’m trying to maintain a balance of making sure she knows I want her and not being pushy.
Once in a while she’ll throw in a comment about how she’d like to implement some rules. For example, no shoes or greasy clothes in the house. But she also said she’d still kiss me if I’m car dirty.
Maybe some of you guys think I don’t deserve a girl like this. I probably don’t.
But what's more important at this stage is how we live together and how we make each other feel. There's that old saying - With every stunning girl, there's some poor bloke putting up with all her shit! tiphat
I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got issues and that I may seem inconsistent.
RV traveling is obviously different than airline traveling. I can decide for myself when to stop and I can install any kind of seat I want, with the needed amount of backrest angle. I also don’t have to sit next to John Candys character from Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I’m a bit of a germophobe (my gf mocks me for it, and the inconsistency of getting all greasy in the garage and the junkyard) and I know when the bedding has been washed last in the RV.
I place too much importance on looks also.
Speaking of looks and lookers, I sent her a few videos to show her things within walking distance around my Home. She was thankful and a bit relieved. I also asked her what she would do while I’m at work. She said learn English and go to the gym( which is good news to me as fitness is a priority). So I showed her where there is a nearby gym and found some local ESL classes for her.
I think she has been very close to throwing caution to the wind and saying yes a couple of times. I’m trying to maintain a balance of making sure she knows I want her and not being pushy.
Once in a while she’ll throw in a comment about how she’d like to implement some rules. For example, no shoes or greasy clothes in the house. But she also said she’d still kiss me if I’m car dirty.
Maybe some of you guys think I don’t deserve a girl like this. I probably don’t.
Some progress on the beetle. I made a height adjustable Cart to position the engine for trial fitting.
LOTD the kit plane sounds awesome. What engine do you think you’ll use? BTW, John Denver, who wrote the opening song of this thread, bought the farm in a kit plane, right? But I hope trust you’ll be more careful!
A woman like her is going to want to have a career and work.
If you really want her you MUST go back and meet her parents, IMO.
Average wages for Ukraine is $200/month... so $1200/month would seem more than decent, more like well-off salary.A woman like her is going to want to have a career and work.
If you really want her you MUST go back and meet her parents, IMO.
Definitely agree about meeting her parents. Seems like the gal's father could be a cool cat if he's interested in working on cars too.
Speaking of career and work, Just a dude's first post on this thread mentions that the woman is making about $1200 a month in her current means of employment. Is $14.5K / year considered a decent salary in the FSU?
A woman like her is going to want to have a career and work.
If you really want her you MUST go back and meet her parents, IMO.
Definitely agree about meeting her parents. Seems like the gal's father could be a cool cat if he's interested in working on cars too.
Speaking of career and work, Just a dude's first post on this thread mentions that the woman is making about $1200 a month in her current means of employment. Is $14.5K / year considered a decent salary in the FSU?
Average wages for Ukraine is $200/month... so $1200/month would seem more than decent, more like well-off salary.
Also:
FSU-women tend to be more traditional in family values. I.E. If her dad says no, she will say no to the dude.
A woman like her is going to want to have a career and work.
If you really want her you MUST go back and meet her parents, IMO.
Definitely agree about meeting her parents. Seems like the gal's father could be a cool cat if he's interested in working on cars too.
Speaking of career and work, Just a dude's first post on this thread mentions that the woman is making about $1200 a month in her current means of employment. Is $14.5K / year considered a decent salary in the FSU?
Average wages for Ukraine is $200/month... so $1200/month would seem more than decent, more like well-off salary.
Thanks Markje, didn't realize that.
She said YES yesterday. I/we are working on the visa application.
Average wages for Ukraine is $200/month... so $1200/month would seem more than decent, more like well-off salary.A woman like her is going to want to have a career and work.
If you really want her you MUST go back and meet her parents, IMO.
Definitely agree about meeting her parents. Seems like the gal's father could be a cool cat if he's interested in working on cars too.
Speaking of career and work, Just a dude's first post on this thread mentions that the woman is making about $1200 a month in her current means of employment. Is $14.5K / year considered a decent salary in the FSU?
Also:
FSU-women tend to be more traditional in family values. I.E. If her dad says no, she will say no to the dude.
So if you send some women over there a second hand i phone 4 you are GOD ?
So if you send some women over there a second hand i phone 4 you are GOD ?
Not if her other lover just sent her a new Iphone-6s
Thanks! I would say that's not out of the question if the visa drags on past 6 months, which is likely.She said YES yesterday. I/we are working on the visa application.
Congratulations! tiphat
Do I see a surprise visit in your near future?
If you are wise, you will visit her again post haste.
It seems kind of sad, that this is even advice that needs to be given. If you are in love, wouldn't you want to spend as much time together as soon as is humanly possible?If you are wise, you will visit her again post haste.
It appears that all the guys who have been in this position, are giving him the same advice. I hope he takes note.
It seems kind of sad, that this is even advice that needs to be given. If you are in love, wouldn't you want to spend as much time together as soon as is humanly possible?If you are wise, you will visit her again post haste.
It appears that all the guys who have been in this position, are giving him the same advice. I hope he takes note.
It seems kind of sad, that this is even advice that needs to be given. If you are in love, wouldn't you want to spend as much time together as soon as is humanly possible?If you are wise, you will visit her again post haste.
It appears that all the guys who have been in this position, are giving him the same advice. I hope he takes note.
Not if you're shopping for a mail order bride. You've selected your product so why go back to the shop?
Thanks! I would say that's not out of the question if the visa drags on past 6 months, which is likely.She said YES yesterday. I/we are working on the visa application.
Congratulations! tiphat
Do I see a surprise visit in your near future?
VisaJourney predicts 255 days start to finish at this time.
I hope to get the application in the mail by Monday. She is working on her part of the form, I am working on mine and we are gathering evidence of the relationship together.
I continue to be impressed with how even keel she is.
The way she told me "yes" was really cute.
I wonder if it hurt when she fell from heaven))
It seems kind of sad, that this is even advice that needs to be given. If you are in love, wouldn't you want to spend as much time together as soon as is humanly possible?If you are wise, you will visit her again post haste.
It appears that all the guys who have been in this position, are giving him the same advice. I hope he takes note.
Not if you're shopping for a mail order bride. You've selected your product so why go back to the shop?
Thanks! I would say that's not out of the question if the visa drags on past 6 months, which is likely.She said YES yesterday. I/we are working on the visa application.
Congratulations! tiphat
Do I see a surprise visit in your near future?
VisaJourney predicts 255 days start to finish at this time.
I hope to get the application in the mail by Monday. She is working on her part of the form, I am working on mine and we are gathering evidence of the relationship together.
I continue to be impressed with how even keel she is.
The way she told me "yes" was really cute.
I wonder if it hurt when she fell from heaven))
How did she tell you yes? Congratulations!
I agree with the others about a return visit.
Use a travel agency if need be to get shorter transit times. Their fees are actually very low and they can get this done for you much better than what you reported! Bon Voyage. :plane:
We video talk live only on weekends because that’s when our schedules sync. I messaged her in my morning and asked her how her day was. She said something about waking up alone. I said “I like the mornings when we wake up together”Good luck! Put more work into the girl than in the application (I.e., fly to her soon!). Don’t let her lose faith.
She said “me too, that is why I say “YES””
I clarified the meaning and started working on the visa application))
I’m probably about 6 hours into it so far. Over 150 pages of text conversation, pictures, airline tickets, hotel receipts, gift receipts, the app itself.
I’m hoping to get it in the mail Monday.
We video talk live only on weekends because that’s when our schedules sync. I messaged her in my morning and asked her how her day was. She said something about waking up alone. I said “I like the mornings when we wake up together”Good luck! Put more work into the girl than in the application (I.e., fly to her soon!). Don’t let her lose faith.
She said “me too, that is why I say “YES””
I clarified the meaning and started working on the visa application))
I’m probably about 6 hours into it so far. Over 150 pages of text conversation, pictures, airline tickets, hotel receipts, gift receipts, the app itself.
I’m hoping to get it in the mail Monday.
Good luck! Put more work into the girl than in the application (I.e., fly to her soon!). Don’t let her lose faith.
:thumbsup:What if I just send her some flowers every month? Will that make you guys happy? :dh: :) :)
Good luck! Put more work into the girl than in the application (I.e., fly to her soon!). Don’t let her lose faith.Quote:thumbsup:
What if I just send her some flowers every month? Will that make you guys happy? :dh: :) :)
as a navigator he might be able to find flights from Reno to Denver via Mexico City.:laugh:
It seems some have a hard time understanding reality, if a member has a job that allows or prevents him from visiting his partner for extended periods than that is something the parties need to accept and work out. We can offer suggestions or opinions but the reality might be different than what we would prefer or advise.
I told her that if she marries me she will be making the trips back to see her folks solo.
When I was her age I didn't mind as much as I do now. Then again, I didn't really travel that much back then. I think I need to get rich and buy a private jet with a bed if I want to keep this up.
Will do. Sorry
Good luck! Put more work into the girl than in the application (I.e., fly to her soon!). Don’t let her lose faith.Quote:thumbsup:
What if I just send her some flowers every month? Will that make you guys happy? :dh: :) :)
You made a mistake somehow with your quote above. You quoted Jerash but gave credit to me. Please be careful when quoting.
I am sure he is quite good at (re)building vehicles but as a navigator he might be able to find flights from Reno to Denver via Mexico City.
Or as an alternative, you can take out the avatar reference entirely as below.QuoteI am sure he is quite good at (re)building vehicles but as a navigator he might be able to find flights from Reno to Denver via Mexico City.
I recall a recent news item about 2 passengers on a plane (strangers) who got really close to each other on a flight from TN to MI. I think they were arrested when they deplaned in MI, but one of the passengers eventual destination was Miami. So that person was flying up north before flying south. Perhaps to earn more travel miles (and to experience the mile high club?). (:)
Yes I would say she does. Of course I find it endearing but I realize that the language barrier is a real thing and that it presents challenges. When we were together round the clock for several days straight we had some minor conflicts (mostly my snoring kept her awake) and the difficulty of communicating made that worse I would say. I don’t anticipate complete marital bliss but I think we are headed in the right direction now as we get to know each other better.
I have been unable to convince her that my family will be very gracious about her lack of fluency and very welcoming and non judgmental (with a possible exception for a sibling or two)
There’s no time like the present!Yes I would say she does. Of course I find it endearing but I realize that the language barrier is a real thing and that it presents challenges. When we were together round the clock for several days straight we had some minor conflicts (mostly my snoring kept her awake) and the difficulty of communicating made that worse I would say. I don’t anticipate complete marital bliss but I think we are headed in the right direction now as we get to know each other better.
I have been unable to convince her that my family will be very gracious about her lack of fluency and very welcoming and non judgmental (with a possible exception for a sibling or two)
Perhaps her apprehension does hold some merit, but I'd bet you're making sure to speak slowly and clearly with her just the same... she'll get it. I'm becoming eager to start some conversations of my own.
There’s no time like the present!
Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????♀️ to arrive????
There’s no time like the present!
Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????♀️ to arrive????
Ha! I can almost feel your anticipation! Keep up the good work JAD, I feel strongly that it'll pay off for you.
Truth be told, I recently got a healthy reality check from another member here kind enough to chat with me. I'm not prepared for my adventure just yet. I need to harden myself through discipline and education (far more than I currently possess). With patience and hard work I'll acquire the stamina and knowledge necessary to find my FSU love.
Well, good luck to you! This morning we had a video call. She has been in her apartment all day cleaning and reading and stuff with her cat. It occurred to me that she is like Rapunzel, from Tangled, albeit with shorter hair, and her cat is like Pascal. So I guess that makes me Flyn Rider:)
There’s no time like the present!
Well, that’s not true. For me at least. There are plenty of times like the present. One day seems like the last as I wait for my Ukrainian princess????♀️ to arrive????
Ha! I can almost feel your anticipation! Keep up the good work JAD, I feel strongly that it'll pay off for you.
Truth be told, I recently got a healthy reality check from another member here kind enough to chat with me. I'm not prepared for my adventure just yet. I need to harden myself through discipline and education (far more than I currently possess). With patience and hard work I'll acquire the stamina and knowledge necessary to find my FSU love.
Well, good luck to you! This morning we had a video call. She has been in her apartment all day cleaning and reading and stuff with her cat. It occurred to me that she is like Rapunzel, from Tangled, albeit with shorter hair, and her cat is like Pascal. So I guess that makes me Flyn Rider:)
Time for a little update. I/we received our NOA2, notice of action two, which means our visa has been approved at the USCIS level. Our case arrived at the National Visa Center last week. The next step is that the Kiev embassy, which will interview her for final approval, will take over the case. My fiance now needs to go get a police report to prove she's not a criminal (other than being a love bandit, haha) and get a medical exam done. I think she will have her interview some time in the next 2-3 weeks. She got her cat all taken care of and ready to travel, but apparently she must wait 30 days after some shots that were done yesterday for a blood test for the cat. So I'm thinking she will be here in about 5 weeks. It has been just over a year since we first met. We are both scared to death and super excited at the same time!
I have moved to my mountain home and that is where we will live. My suburban home is up for sale. We realize this location will be a challenge for her as there are likely fewer opportunities for her to learn English and work here.
We have discussed some things lately, including compatibility issues, like our different diets (I'm a vegetarian) and different views on shoes in the house (I'll bet you can guess which one of us wants no shoes in the house). We haven't found any deal breakers yet. There are no sure things and there is no reward without risk. We'll see how it goes! It's a fun ride right now.
The post of Wiz has allot of wisdom in it.
Will your bride enjoy cars also how will she adapt to your being a professor. The life style of California is very different to Western Ukraine.
Everyone probably has their own attitude and ideas regarding other people and their cultures. I spent over a month in an isolated village area many years ago and I could see why so many of the local village people wanted some way to get away from that kind of lifestyle. When outsiders would come to visit, their first question would be can you help me to get out of here? Doing farm work and growing your own food gets monotonous (I read somewhere that suicide was higher for farmers). There was no variety in the foods that you ate there (due to limitations to what you grew). I also developed hives after staying there after a few weeks. It only stopped after I left for "civilized" areas. Putting myself in the other person's shoes, I know that adjusting to living overseas will be a challenge for me. Living in isolation would only work as long as I had other local natives providing any help for me. But unless there was something to keep me busy, life can become a monotonous routine. Probably someone who lives such a lifestyle before would be fine to relocating to the same lifestyle somewhere else.
Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.
If I may, here’s a word of warning from someone who knows.Some good points. You seem experienced and genuinely concerned. I assume you think I shouldn't go through with this? I take your words seriously, although I should say that I don't think you have raised any issues of which I was not aware. Believe me, I have had my share of doubts about this. I'm sure she has also.
Your girl will suffer some kind of homesickness and depression at some point. My wife did and there’s no quick fix.
she’ll be heading for home before you can blink. I recall you mentioned that you won’t be heading back to Ukraine to visit your new family either?
You really need to think this one through because it’s got trouble written all over it. Wait for your first proper argument and whilst you’re stewing in your home environment, she’ll be all alone and ready to leave.
Although this is a 4000' elevation mountain town, it is not very isolated. The cabin is 1 minute off of a freeway. A major chain supermarket is 7 minutes walking, the Ukrainian mail order bride trifecta, haha, a hair salon, gym and nail salon, are all right next door to the market.
Also, there is a much bigger town 10 minutes driving, with a Walmart and a Home Depot and even an In n' Out.
she said "What is that to me, I don't know the difference between the suburban area and the mountain area".
4 years ago I met my Belarusian GF in this town. When she moved to my home in the suburbs, she decided she really liked that lifestyle as compared to the mountains.
Maladetz!Then again, I don’t know what this means!
Oh yah, I’m a little hurt that I didn’t score any RUA brownie points with the walk in closet((
Oh yah, I’m a little hurt that I didn’t score any RUA brownie points with the walk in closet((
It means well done in Russian.Thanks for the compliment and the new word!
Thanks!Oh yah, I’m a little hurt that I didn’t score any RUA brownie points with the walk in closet((
I’m late to comment however you seem to be an amazing carpenter! Looked like it was built by a professional to me. There are your brownie points! :)
We had a good video call today. I had an offer on the house. It was 10K below asking price. I told her about the decision I needed to make, which seems large to me. She was pragmatic and non judgmental, and waded into the discussion without being pushy or dismissive.
On a much smaller dollar scale, I am sending her a few hundred dollars to pay for her visa application and medical exam. She didn't ask, but after I volunteered she seemed relieved that I wanted to help. She has already invested money into getting her cat ready to travel and some other things.
The cat is another concern. I really don't like litter boxes, especially in the kitchen. I don't have hard floors in any other room except the bathroom, which is the dog's domain because her doggie door exits through there.
Maybe I'll put a laminate floor in the spare bedroom.
I also hope the dog/cat thing works well. I will assume she doesn't like dogs walking in and out of the house tracking in germs and dirt. Maybe I can get my dog to take off her shoes when she comes in through the doggie door. Then there is figuring out sleeping with the dog and cat...
If I may, here’s a word of warning from someone who knows.Some good points. You seem experienced and genuinely concerned. I assume you think I shouldn't go through with this? I take your words seriously, although I should say that I don't think you have raised any issues of which I was not aware. Believe me, I have had my share of doubts about this. I'm sure she has also.
Your girl will suffer some kind of homesickness and depression at some point. My wife did and there’s no quick fix.
she’ll be heading for home before you can blink. I recall you mentioned that you won’t be heading back to Ukraine to visit your new family either?
You really need to think this one through because it’s got trouble written all over it. Wait for your first proper argument and whilst you’re stewing in your home environment, she’ll be all alone and ready to leave.
How does one make a decision like this? I think I have done my due diligence (although some obviously would disagree) and don't think I could know any more about the risks until I actually move forward. Based on everything I know , I want to move forward and so does she, with everything she knows. Despite my analytical tendencies, I am also trying to enjoy the butterflies moments.
On a separate matter any suggestions to deal with poison ivy/oak infections?
All i'm saying is;
Don't underestimate how much she'll need access to amenities so she can do her stuff and grow her roots. It's a new life half way around the world. Everyones different but during the dark days, my wife didn't appreciate the natural beauty because that wasn't important to her then. She needed the energy of a city, the lifestyle options that brings and access to a life independent of me. Now she loves the mountains and the sea because she's in a different place and can access the city whenever she wants. Given the choice now, I'd bet Mrs Rosco would take a more peaceful home, but if I'd lived in a cabin in the hills 6 years ago, my wife would have left for home when the culture shock was at its worst.
Don't under estimate how important family is. I've said all I'll say on your plans but you'll need to either re-think that one or expect problems. It's not normal and her family will feel the same.
Don't under estimate homesickness. It cant be cured over night and a degree of depression will set in. I recall chatting with Manny about it back in the day and he named it the great depression. You cant talk it out of anyone and times the only medicine. That said, isolation to a person who's already isolated and questioning their life choices, is a doomsday scenario. You better hope that cats got good banter.
Anyway, don't think I'm giving you a hard time for the sake of it or wanting you to bin your plans because it'll make me feel better. I'm only pointing out the obvious given what we went through.
Good luck.
So, try to see her situation from her perspective, practice your empathy muscles, you'll need them, whatever happens. As I have often said to other people, don't try to make choices for her. Let her have at least a strong, well-informed, input into them.
She will already know that finding a moderately well socialized American bloke is not an easy thing to do,
I just offer this as a point of view for you to consider. You look at this thru the eyes of your experience, your cultural viewpoint. We all do. However, this does not translate! I thought, well, my husband lived in a 2 room apartment with his parents, his grandma and his sister, this will be heaven, he will have room, land, etc! but NO, that is not what matters. The FSU person thinks of the lifestyle not the actual building.
Andrew, Rosco and Siberia all make excellent points however I believe it’s crystal clear that justadude’s mind is made up. If these two really love each other they’ll make it work.Billy Joel looks so young! Was he married to Christie Brinkley then? That's a great song, but maybe not quite what I'm looking for.
I can’t help but thinking though that as JAD reads these comments there’s a song playing in the background and here it is... :chuckle:
Perhaps the naysayers are right. Maybe this won't work. There were tears during our video chat today. She had a positive blood test for a condition that I think is fairly common and minor. She said she slept all day because she was fatigued by this condition and that she has been lethargic lately because of this as well.
I think part of the problem is the stress of this visa/moving situation. My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
One of the problems in my marriage was my perception of the differences in effort put into the family's survival. She didn't work. I earned the money and fixed the cars and the house and shoveled the snow.
She was an amazing cook and super cute (and tiny) and a very loving mother but I felt like I put in 80% of the physical effort to make the family go.
You can say what you want about a man having no idea how much work it takes to run a household but I got up at 5 and she got up at 9. We went to bed at the same time. 2-3 nights a week I'd come home to a cold house and she would be at her sister's house hanging out with our daughter. I'd start a fire, go out and work on the cars, and make my own dinner later. Also, I saw how much she did when I was home during the summer.
One time she said, "I can't do as much as you". That hit home and made sense. I know I have standards for myself that would be unrealistic for others. For example. I run or bicycle in the rain or the snow, whether I'm sick or not. In fact, I think proceeding with my normal workout routine helps me get well sooner.
When I have a long day at work I can still go home and fix something or build something. I don't need to veg out. I show up at my night classes every time. I do the work. I get my papers done a week before they are due. I realize that this is a disorder and not all positive. In fact, I have tried and succeeded in reigning this in quite a bit. I'm writing this sitting in the jacuzzi (with the life of my $200 Chromebook hanging in the balance).
Even knowing that this isn't all good about me, I have trouble being sympathetic to others who can't maintain a pace that is at least in the ball park with me.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
In my defense, though, I never felt that way about the Belarussian girl. We were together for 18 months and lived together for 6 months. Although that may not have been long enough for these problems to have come up, I don't remember ever feeling that disparity I mentioned about my marriage. She worked full time and cooked and cleaned. And sewed clothes for her dogs.
If you read all that, thanks, you're a saint.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I know I have standards for myself that would be unrealistic for others. For example. I run or bicycle in the rain or the snow, whether I'm sick or not. In fact, I think proceeding with my normal workout routine helps me get well sooner.
When I have a long day at work I can still go home and fix something or build something. I don't need to veg out. I show up at my night classes every time. I do the work. I get my papers done a week before they are due. I realize that this is a disorder and not all positive. In fact, I have tried and succeeded in reigning this in quite a bit. I'm writing this sitting in the jacuzzi (with the life of my $200 Chromebook hanging in the balance).
Even knowing that this isn't all good about me, I have trouble being sympathetic to others who can't maintain a pace that is at least in the ball park with me.
She had a positive blood test for a condition that I think is fairly common and minor. She said she slept all day because she was fatigued by this condition and that she has been lethargic lately because of this as well.
I know I have standards for myself that would be unrealistic for others. For example. I run or bicycle in the rain or the snow, whether I'm sick or not. In fact, I think proceeding with my normal workout routine helps me get well sooner.
When I have a long day at work I can still go home and fix something or build something. I don't need to veg out. I show up at my night classes every time. I do the work. I get my papers done a week before they are due. I realize that this is a disorder and not all positive. In fact, I have tried and succeeded in reigning this in quite a bit. I'm writing this sitting in the jacuzzi (with the life of my $200 Chromebook hanging in the balance).
Even knowing that this isn't all good about me, I have trouble being sympathetic to others who can't maintain a pace that is at least in the ball park with me.
I can relate to some of that and I dont see them as a negative traits. You simply need a woman who is similarly inclined and can keep up.She had a positive blood test for a condition that I think is fairly common and minor. She said she slept all day because she was fatigued by this condition and that she has been lethargic lately because of this as well.
If it's something like Hepatitis, its rife in those countries but easily cured. But I've always found "sleepy girl syndrome" allegedly caused by ailments (real or perceived) tends to be a thing. Russian medicine is obsessed with blood tests and anything to do with blood often leads to dramatic declarations. Their medicine is intertwined with quackery, superstition and aged belief systems (cold drinks make you sick, etc.). It takes years for that stuff to fade away and be replaced by fact-based science and common sense.
Manny is right. Within the realm of normal personality there's nothing to 'wrong' but in seeking a good relationship one seeks compatibility.
If this woman is of a non-compatible personality type then things will not go well (or at best easily)
Do you think that this woman is compatible with you, with the traits that you have, with the overlaid habits built over a lifetime?
Think of it this way, in a simplistic manner, if the behaviour patterns of this woman vex you now, as they seem to do, just how will you feel after a few months living together? Don't forget that whatever you feel, she feels the same; of course she also has fear, insecurity, doubt, on top of her normal personality.
So, ask yourself, given the givens about your personality and chosen lifestyle, are you the right man for this woman?
Hi JAD,Yes I think you are right. In fact, I think that has been more or less concluded by other RUA'ers and I don't think I've really been able to reason against that conclusion.
It sounds like your soon to be wife is just a part of your plan, rather than someone who should be a part of shaping those plans...
Over the last few days I thought we had met our undoing. She never really answered me if she could live without meat in our fridge, a question I had raised a couple weeks back. So I wrote her an email asking her about her thoughts. We had an email discussion over a couple of days and a video call today. She decided she could live without meat in the house.
One of the issues that came up was her feeling that I am controlling. I mentioned that my ex wife thought I was, and that I fear I still have a tendency to be that way and I don't like that about myself.
Over the last few days I thought we had met our undoing. She never really answered me if she could live without meat in our fridge, a question I had raised a couple weeks back. So I wrote her an email asking her about her thoughts. We had an email discussion over a couple of days and a video call today. She decided she could live without meat in the house.
One of the issues that came up was her feeling that I am controlling. I mentioned that my ex wife thought I was, and that I fear I still have a tendency to be that way and I don't like that about myself.
I beg your pardon if I am over-simplifying or misunderstanding this situation, but I am currently under the impression that you are vegetarian and she is not, correct? Why can’t she have meat in the house for herself? If she desires to be vegetarian too, that’s great but it comes across here as though you are forcing her to abstain from eating meat. Either I am missing part of the equation or you are being too controlling.
Over the last few days I thought we had met our undoing. She never really answered me if she could live without meat in our fridge, a question I had raised a couple weeks back. So I wrote her an email asking her about her thoughts. We had an email discussion over a couple of days and a video call today. She decided she could live without meat in the house.
One of the issues that came up was her feeling that I am controlling. I mentioned that my ex wife thought I was, and that I fear I still have a tendency to be that way and I don't like that about myself.
I beg your pardon if I am over-simplifying or misunderstanding this situation, but I am currently under the impression that you are vegetarian and she is not, correct? Why can’t she have meat in the house for herself? If she desires to be vegetarian too, that’s great but it comes across here as though you are forcing her to abstain from eating meat. Either I am missing part of the equation or you are being too controlling.
I think he’s forcing her to be vegetarian which isn’t normal for the average woman from over there.
I can see this poor woman eager for him to be at work so she can go get some meat at a sandwich shop and eat in secret while forming resentment at jad. Dealbreaker for her!?
Forcing someone to share your briefs is just wrong.
Are you of the opinion that the husband and wife should shared decision-making equally? If so, how did you reach that conclusion? I don’t think women are attracted to a man who doesn’t make most of the decisions. I mean, shared decision-making sounds good on paper. But I don’t think it’s necessarily natural or the best for a male-female relationship. That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t make any, nor does it mean we are anywhere close on the ideal balance.
Country choice - JAD
Town choice - JAD
House choice - JAD
Diet choice - JAD
Career choice - JAD
Future plans (early retirement, career change) - JAD
Policy of no shoes in the house - Wife
I don't see much of a balance here...
As to mentioning this deal breaker earlier, I could have done better. I mentioned it 3 times over the last year, dating back at least 10 months. She avoided the issue but I finally got it out in the open.
I think that somebody has been reading too many mail order bride propaganda pieces. Like many other guys 'of a certain type' he has found those pieces to suit his fantasies. Of course that's why those propaganda pieces were written - to inveigle people into spending money on a fantasy.
To look sensibly at the proposition that Ukrainian women are dependent and happy to have their lives decided by others it is worth considering the type of person willing, for whatever reason, to cut themselves away from family, friends, work, culture - everything. Is such a person likely to have a personality profile that demonstrates the traits that Justadude seeks?
I have to say that I think he is wrong. For sure there are people happy to be dependent on others and to have their choices made for them. I know some of them.
I don't know any of that sort of person who has chosen to emigrate, permanently, to an unknown environment.
I think that somebody has been reading too many mail order bride propaganda pieces. Like many other guys 'of a certain type' he has found those pieces to suit his fantasies. Of course that's why those propaganda pieces were written - to inveigle people into spending money on a fantasy.
To look sensibly at the proposition that Ukrainian women are dependent and happy to have their lives decided by others it is worth considering the type of person willing, for whatever reason, to cut themselves away from family, friends, work, culture - everything. Is such a person likely to have a personality profile that demonstrates the traits that Justadude seeks?
I have to say that I think he is wrong. For sure there are people happy to be dependent on others and to have their choices made for them. I know some of them.
I don't know any of that sort of person who has chosen to emigrate, permanently, to an unknown environment.
All three of the interests of Just a Dude were met outside of 'traditional' mail order brides sites.
There are numerous folk who escape or 'emigrate' to an unknown environment to find what they hope and expect is a better life.
The only time we have awkward moments is at restaurants, as rarely - nothing on the menu suits and after a while we go to the ones that allow her to bring her own food - raw cabbage, carrots, etc., ( no cooking / oils, please - it 'kills' the vitamins ' )
Living with a Vegan - even if not constant - takes some getting used to - and I adore her for not trying to change my eating habits
But I don’t think the conversation is really moving along much at this point.
I do think I need to apologize to some of the other members though. It must be frustrating when you’re trying to help somebody and they can’t understand what you’re trying to say or are being obstinate
our hero is looking for a woman willing to delegate decision making to him and thus give up her independence.
Does any rational person honestly think that this is this type of woman is likely to be independent enough, enough of a decision taker, to be likely to want to move countries to live with a stranger?
Why would you go to a restaurant and ask to bring your own food? Why not just stay at home and nibble the leaves?
I think that somebody has been reading too many mail order bride propaganda pieces. Like many other guys 'of a certain type' he has found those pieces to suit his fantasies. Of course that's why those propaganda pieces were written - to inveigle people into spending money on a fantasy.
To look sensibly at the proposition that Ukrainian women are dependent and happy to have their lives decided by others it is worth considering the type of person willing, for whatever reason, to cut themselves away from family, friends, work, culture - everything. Is such a person likely to have a personality profile that demonstrates the traits that Justadude seeks?
I have to say that I think he is wrong. For sure there are people happy to be dependent on others and to have their choices made for them. I know some of them.
I don't know any of that sort of person who has chosen to emigrate, permanently, to an unknown environment.
All three of the interests of Just a Dude were met outside of 'traditional' mail order brides sites.
There are numerous folk who escape or 'emigrate' to an unknown environment to find what they hope and expect is a better life.
What date does she arrive in the USA?I haven’t bought a plane ticket yet, but her consulate interview will likely occur sometime around September 27 so I’m thinking first week of October
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
One of the biggest decisions in life is marriage and you have doubts if you should do this after a year. This is not good for you or her. Now she's got a k-1 interview coming in a few weeks. Now you're proceeding towards marriage which should be a good thing but it sounds like the hole you're digging is getting bigger.Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
Women tend to marry older, more mature men since they tend to know what they are doing and make good decisions. If you get involved with an FSU woman and she finds out you don't know what you're doing, she'll take over and you could be in for a rough ride. When I dated women, I prefer to be respected over being liked. With respect a woman can begin to love. Does your fiancée respect you?
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
One of the biggest decisions in life is marriage and you have doubts if you should do this after a year. This is not good for you or her. Now she's got a k-1 interview coming in a few weeks. Now you're proceeding towards marriage which should be a good thing but it sounds like the hole you're digging is getting bigger.Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
Women tend to marry older, more mature men since they tend to know what they are doing and make good decisions. If you get involved with an FSU woman and she finds out you don't know what you're doing, she'll take over and you could be in for a rough ride. When I dated women, I prefer to be respected over being liked. With respect a woman can begin to love. Does your fiancée respect you?
Women tend to marry older, more mature men since they tend to know what they are doing and make good decisions. If you get involved with an FSU woman and she finds out you don't know what you're doing, she'll take over and you could be in for a rough ride. When I dated women, I prefer to be respected over being liked. With respect a woman can begin to love. Does your fiancée respect you?
What do you mean they "Tend to marry older men" How old is that then can you give a few examples? And are you talking about 20 years ago or the present time?
"respect" What do you mean respect you ? That sound more like "worship you" If I was a women and any guy made it clear like you are he that he expects to be "Respected" I would run a mile..
Expecting to be respected is something you don't even need to bring into any conversation .. the guy who would usually say he expects to be "Respected" to me it means this guy is the type who will say "Leave your keys and cards on the table on your way out"
Given the purpose of the K1 visa, that opportunity does not present itself after she arrives in the USA but should be done prior to that event.
Manny, that's not correct. They have 90 days in which to get married. The purpose of the visa is to enable a foreigner to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. It is not a trial period. That's why I wrote as I did.
I remember that in the days when this process was more common on this forum the idea that it was a period to get to know each other was a very common misconception.
The purpose means that the woman (in this instance, is expected to have made arrangements for a life in the USA, not an extended vacation.
Returning to the home country is obviously not so easy, particularly when the country is in dire economic straits. Not so easy to just drop back and pick up life after several months away.
Manny, that's not correct. They have 90 days in which to get married.
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
One of the biggest decisions in life is marriage and you have doubts if you should do this after a year. This is not good for you or her. Now she's got a k-1 interview coming in a few weeks. Now you're proceeding towards marriage which should be a good thing but it sounds like the hole you're digging is getting bigger.Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
Women tend to marry older, more mature men since they tend to know what they are doing and make good decisions. If you get involved with an FSU woman and she finds out you don't know what you're doing, she'll take over and you could be in for a rough ride. When I dated women, I prefer to be respected over being liked. With respect a woman can begin to love. Does your fiancée respect you?
Women tend to marry older, more mature men since they tend to know what they are doing and make good decisions. If you get involved with an FSU woman and she finds out you don't know what you're doing, she'll take over and you could be in for a rough ride. When I dated women, I prefer to be respected over being liked. With respect a woman can begin to love. Does your fiancée respect you?
What do you mean they "Tend to marry older men" How old is that then can you give a few examples? And are you talking about 20 years ago or the present time?
"respect" What do you mean respect you ? That sound more like "worship you" If I was a women and any guy made it clear like you are he that he expects to be "Respected" I would run a mile..
Expecting to be respected is something you don't even need to bring into any conversation .. the guy who would usually say he expects to be "Respected" to me it means this guy is the type who will say "Leave your keys and cards on the table on your way out"
I took some liberty n read the other site, billy bob got hisself a real young’n trophy
:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
Manny, that's not correct. They have 90 days in which to get married. The purpose of the visa is to enable a foreigner to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. It is not a trial period. That's why I wrote as I did.
I remember that in the days when this process was more common on this forum the idea that it was a period to get to know each other was a very common misconception.
The purpose means that the woman (in this instance, is expected to have made arrangements for a life in the USA, not an extended vacation.
Returning to the home country is obviously not so easy, particularly when the country is in dire economic straits. Not so easy to just drop back and pick up life after several months away.
Before Irina and I got married we dated for a little over 3 years. The summer before we got married she got a tourist visa and spent the whole summer with me in the US to see if she would like it or not. She also returned for the following Christmas.
Poor girl...
What does she plan to do with the flat in Ukraine if she comes to the USA?I think we talked about it along time ago but she never really said what she plans to do with it. I think she will hang onto it and let her brother manage it and maybe give the rent money to her parents.
I suppose I could still give her the option of coming over and treating it like a tourist visa. I mean we put this much effort into it, if she still wanted to do it, why wouldn’t I let her ?
She’s probably invested a month’s salary in this so I guess I’d send her that muchWow :o
I am worried that maybe I am making a mistake. I have been waiting for almost a year and now that I can see the finish line I just don’t know. Maybe I don’t have what it takes. How can I take such a risk with all this uncertainty?
Also, I was thinking about something I wrote before. I think a woman wants a man to make decisions if she trusts that he is considering her needs when so doing. I don’t exhibit that all the time
Manny, that's not correct. They have 90 days in which to get married. The purpose of the visa is to enable a foreigner to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. It is not a trial period. That's why I wrote as I did.
I remember that in the days when this process was more common on this forum the idea that it was a period to get to know each other was a very common misconception.
The purpose means that the woman (in this instance, is expected to have made arrangements for a life in the USA, not an extended vacation.
Returning to the home country is obviously not so easy, particularly when the country is in dire economic straits. Not so easy to just drop back and pick up life after several months away.
Before Irina and I got married we dated for a little over 3 years. The summer before we got married she got a tourist visa and spent the whole summer with me in the US to see if she would like it or not. She also returned for the following Christmas.
I think this option is limited to those foreigners who have an extensive foreign travel history, wealthy, or are involved in the travel industry. For the mundane majority who live in an economically depressed region, getting a tourist visa is not that easy. Another alternative is to move to another country whose residents do not require a visa to the US.
Note that the K-1 visa requires that the couple met with each other. It implies that they are engaged ("will you marry me?") when the petition is filed. You are given a 90 day period to decide to go through with the marriage or not. One of the major problems with this provision is that the petition beneficiary may be away from the native country for up to 3 months. Most employers will not approve such a long term of absence and will terminate your employment should you decide to go on your "vacation".
Manny, that's not correct. They have 90 days in which to get married. The purpose of the visa is to enable a foreigner to enter the country for the purpose of marriage. It is not a trial period. That's why I wrote as I did.
I remember that in the days when this process was more common on this forum the idea that it was a period to get to know each other was a very common misconception.
The purpose means that the woman (in this instance, is expected to have made arrangements for a life in the USA, not an extended vacation.
Returning to the home country is obviously not so easy, particularly when the country is in dire economic straits. Not so easy to just drop back and pick up life after several months away.
Before Irina and I got married we dated for a little over 3 years. The summer before we got married she got a tourist visa and spent the whole summer with me in the US to see if she would like it or not. She also returned for the following Christmas.
I think this option is limited to those foreigners who have an extensive foreign travel history, wealthy, or are involved in the travel industry. For the mundane majority who live in an economically depressed region, getting a tourist visa is not that easy. Another alternative is to move to another country whose residents do not require a visa to the US.
Note that the K-1 visa requires that the couple met with each other. It implies that they are engaged ("will you marry me?") when the petition is filed. You are given a 90 day period to decide to go through with the marriage or not. One of the major problems with this provision is that the petition beneficiary may be away from the native country for up to 3 months. Most employers will not approve such a long term of absence and will terminate your employment should you decide to go on your "vacation".
For the record I am not wealthy. I worked in the defense industry. I have done a lot of foreign travel but that is it. My wife was an educator and had her summers off so she was able to take the time to spend 3 months in the USA. When she did this I only took a total of three weeks vacation. So most of the time I went to work every day. When we got married she was 50 and I was 60.
To be honest I don't understand anyone who want to make a public thread about a women he's planning to meet or marry, its like degrading to the women as though she's just some pet..
Does your women know you are writing on a public domain all about her and discussing this women with all and any ????
I think that itself would be enough for any intelligent women to dump the guy..
A 30 second search on Yandex will tell her where to self administer the black eye and who to tell about it.
A 30 second search on Yandex will tell her where to self administer the black eye and who to tell about it.
In many parts of America the definition of domestic violence has expanded to include mental abuse. Physical evidence is not necessary.
A woman can claim her man locks her in the house and doesn't allow her to have friends. A woman can claim her man doesn't let her eat any food she likes such as meat products. She can claim her man controls everything she likes to control her.
It's easy for cops and a judge to believe foreign women because television educated Americans that the men in this endeavor are losers who can't catch a real woman at home.
Sometimes I write like I think I'm so smart. I'm not very smart. Or wise.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
And I know that no one can do this for me.
How can you recognise a problem if there isn't one?
Falling out of love within a marriage is a problem. Leads to divorce almost every time. It doesn't happen for no reason. You say the couple is intelligent and have good jobs but it doesn't make either of them marriage material. How about their physical appearance? If one lets their body go, it may not light the fire anymore for the other spouse. Maybe they began to love their work more than each other? Maybe they began to lust for another person? You weren't there during their 23 years of marriage but you talk as if you're an expert witness. You can convince me one of the two was a good spouse who tried to solve why the love within the marriage was diminishing over time but as a unit, they couldn't keep it together and make good things happen.
Her medical is scheduled for a week from today. I think the best estimate of buying a ticket will be for something like October 10 at this point.How can you recognise a problem if there isn't one?
Falling out of love within a marriage is a problem. Leads to divorce almost every time. It doesn't happen for no reason. You say the couple is intelligent and have good jobs but it doesn't make either of them marriage material. How about their physical appearance? If one lets their body go, it may not light the fire anymore for the other spouse. Maybe they began to love their work more than each other? Maybe they began to lust for another person? You weren't there during their 23 years of marriage but you talk as if you're an expert witness. You can convince me one of the two was a good spouse who tried to solve why the love within the marriage was diminishing over time but as a unit, they couldn't keep it together and make good things happen.
Idiotic.
JAD, did I miss the part of her passing her medical? Good luck to you both, or to you four (cat and dog, if I remember correctly)? If she loves nature she would love the Lake Tahoe area, it's one of my favorite places.
Her medical is scheduled for a week from today. I think the best estimate of buying a ticket will be for something like October 10 at this point.How can you recognise a problem if there isn't one?
Falling out of love within a marriage is a problem. Leads to divorce almost every time. It doesn't happen for no reason. You say the couple is intelligent and have good jobs but it doesn't make either of them marriage material. How about their physical appearance? If one lets their body go, it may not light the fire anymore for the other spouse. Maybe they began to love their work more than each other? Maybe they began to lust for another person? You weren't there during their 23 years of marriage but you talk as if you're an expert witness. You can convince me one of the two was a good spouse who tried to solve why the love within the marriage was diminishing over time but as a unit, they couldn't keep it together and make good things happen.
Idiotic.
JAD, did I miss the part of her passing her medical? Good luck to you both, or to you four (cat and dog, if I remember correctly)? If she loves nature she would love the Lake Tahoe area, it's one of my favorite places.
She likes nature, but I think she likes the city better, honestly. She goes on a lot a weekend trip said usually it’s to some sort of what they call nature area over there. We are an hour from Tahoe, but at the 4000 foot elevation with the beautiful forest and it is really pretty here. Have you ever gone to Mammoth Lakes California? I think that’s even prettier than Tahoe.
There's no doubt about it, the rural location can be a stunning place to live when you're ready to embrace it.
What I will say and this is from experience, more than likely your lady will appreciate rural beauty so long as she has easy access to the city. That means lots of amenities and available when she needs to go, not when you can take her.
If you cant offer that, it's likely to be tough.
Here’s a little update. She successfully completed her medical and visa interview. I was thinking I’d be buying her a ticket for early October but she informed me she wants to wait until her friend’s baby is born in 6 weeks or so. I wasn’t thrilled about that news but I kept my cool.
There's no doubt about it, the rural location can be a stunning place to live when you're ready to embrace it.
What I will say and this is from experience, more than likely your lady will appreciate rural beauty so long as she has easy access to the city. That means lots of amenities and available when she needs to go, not when you can take her.
If you cant offer that, it's likely to be tough.
Or maybe I’m a Visa Mule after all?
:party0011:Here’s a little update. She successfully completed her medical and visa interview. I was thinking I’d be buying her a ticket for early October but she informed me she wants to wait until her friend’s baby is born in 6 weeks or so. I wasn’t thrilled about that news but I kept my cool.
This is your chance to prove you love her — get on a plane and go see her for a weekend.
We had tossed around a date of October 10. she didn’t mention that she wanted to stay for the baby until after the interview. I knew about the baby months ago and considered suggesting she stay for it. But we never discussed it until yesterday. I reacted with my poker face (poker texts) intact.Or maybe I’m a Visa Mule after all?
What makes you think that?
Here’s a little update. She successfully completed her medical and visa interview. I was thinking I’d be buying her a ticket for early October but she informed me she wants to wait until her friend’s baby is born in 6 weeks or so. I wasn’t thrilled about that news but I kept my cool.
We had tossed around a date of October 10. she didn’t mention that she wanted to stay for the baby until after the interview. I knew about the baby months ago and considered suggesting she stay for it. But we never discussed it until yesterday. I reacted with my poker face (poker texts) intact.Or maybe I’m a Visa Mule after all?
What makes you think that?
I guess it seems like she would come now no matter what. But I won’t try to persuade her. It may just be a very pragmatic decision on her part. She also needs to put her work and real estate affairs in order.
No I won’t go visit. I dont think I’m afraid of flying, but I do know I don’t enjoy it. Tinnitus, lower back, lines...
You're possibly being tested. She already knows that you are inflexible and don't like change. If we know it, so does she.
What she wants to know is that you care about her enough. Just accepting the changed situation might not be enough. You need, I think, to make some kind of demonstration that you are unhappy about her changed plans. Not that you will try to stop her, because this event will probably be quite important to her. It's a good reason to pop over and say hello before the baby arrives. Show that she is important to you. The last thing she probably wants is to be with a bloke who seems indifferent to her.
I think there may be a couple of reasons. The friend's baby thing could have been on her mind but initially not crucial. Before the interview there was nothing definite - factors out of her control could have prevented her from immigrating (or is it emigrating?) Now everything is done and her visa is at hand. It's all real: she's moving to a new country, leaving friends and family, and will need to face and adjust to a new culture. With her friend about to give birth, she can use the time to support her friend and process the new reality.
Second, she will be stuck in the US for the next 6 months or so, if all goes well. Her visa only allows one entry to the US - if she leaves before getting married she can't return. After marriage she still cannot leave the US until her Adjustment of Status is approved - if she does the AOS will be considered abandoned and she would need to apply for another visa to return, and I am not sure what type (possibly the foreign spouse visa I-130)? There is something called an Advanced Parole that can be applied for, but that requires the AOS to be assigned a case number and in processing, and I have heard the Advanced Parole itself can take months to be approved. She could probably use the extra six weeks to see friends and family and inhale her home culture and language before the trip/move.
Mid November is not the worst time for the two you to be together. It will be at the start of the holidays, with colder days and longer nights. There are worse places to be than in the snowy mountains in a warm and cozy house with the person you love, and with internet... ;D :thumbsup:
I think there may be a couple of reasons. The friend's baby thing could have been on her mind but initially not crucial. Before the interview there was nothing definite - factors out of her control could have prevented her from immigrating (or is it emigrating?) Now everything is done and her visa is at hand.
She asked me to meet her in New York on her trip over,
Wow. Just, wow. This really is a purchase. 40 year old tractor, old diesel pickup, ukrainian woman...I wonder which will require the most maintenance...
I bought a 40 year old tractor (Kubota diesel 4x4 if you care)
Wow. Just, wow. This really is a purchase. 40 year old tractor, old diesel pickup, ukrainian woman...I wonder which will require the most maintenance...
:ROFL:
Bear in mind JustaDude rebuilds car and engines as a hobby, I suspect he is half posting in jest to get a rise from some more cynical members.
While JustaDude I understand you dislike air travel meeting your bride in NYC (or perhaps Amsterdam/Paris) would be a decent thing to do. I assume she is not traveling directly from KBP to JFK. :THDN:
If you travelled to Paris or Amsterdam she would come to America with her spouse/partner at her arm.
Wow. Just, wow. This really is a purchase. 40 year old tractor, old diesel pickup, ukrainian woman...I wonder which will require the most maintenance...
:ROFL:
Bear in mind JustaDude rebuilds car and engines as a hobby, I suspect he is half posting in jest to get a rise from some more cynical members.
While JustaDude I understand you dislike air travel meeting your bride in NYC (or perhaps Amsterdam/Paris) would be a decent thing to do. I assume she is not traveling directly from KBP to JFK. :THDN:
If you travelled to Paris or Amsterdam she would come to America with her spouse/partner at her arm.
What a waist of money. She should be old enough to deal with a lay-over or does she need adult supervision?
justadude, can you give me the cliffsnotes.
Maladetz!Then again, I don’t know what this means!
Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.
With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.
Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.
About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it. You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common. Especially if they are active or play sports.
That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.
About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it. You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common. Especially if they are active or play sports.
That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.
.... only when it is hard and throbbing?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it. You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common. Especially if they are active or play sports.
That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.
.... only when it is hard and throbbing?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:ROFL: :ROFL:
Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.
Why? Did you have a mouthful of meat?About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it. You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common. Especially if they are active or play sports.
That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.
.... only when it is hard and throbbing?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:ROFL: :ROFL:
Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.
It was a very young woman who teach me this expression........when she made the statement that she has become Vigan......... and I asked the question.... you don't eat meat any more......?
BTW I was her boss! .... First time I was left with my mouth open and no sound coming out!
:ROFL:
Why? Did you have a mouthful of meat?About that vegetarian thing..probably not gonna work out if you are gonna be strict about it. You gotta let her eat what she wants. I know many girls who don't like to eat meat.... but much for a guy it's less common. Especially if they are active or play sports.
That's gonna be a huge issue depending on who does the cooking.
.... only when it is hard and throbbing?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
:ROFL: :ROFL:
Please bear in mind that it is possible young people read this forum.
It was a very young woman who teach me this expression........when she made the statement that she has become Vigan......... and I asked the question.... you don't eat meat any more......?
BTW I was her boss! .... First time I was left with my mouth open and no sound coming out!
:ROFL:
well this thread sure got derailed lol...back to the OP if he's not willing to be flexible with the vegetarian thing I don't see a happy ending.
The other thing he doesn't mention is what is the girl's English abilities? She'll be moving to the States and will need to make friends and be part of a community. He hasn't made an effort to learn Russian so I don't know how well they communicate, if there's alot of misunderstandings due to language.
Well even apart from the English fluency there seems to be bigger issues. Namely that JDude sees this more as a financial transaction. from what I gather he's stingy with his money and thinking of the repercussions of a divorce if that were to happen.
He wants her to work which is understandable, but given that she'll be moving to a completely new country it would take at least 4-6 months to get her settled.
He seems pretty adamant about the meat thing. And not willing to compromise, which is a bad sign.
My thought is to take a step back and hold off on marriage for now. Spend some more time with her in real life .
Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.
With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.
Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.
Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.
With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.
Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.
I’m unsure if you’ve been trolling or joking about the tractor and NY stuff because I know very little about you, but let’s assume you’re being genuine in your latest posts.
If this is all true, I think you’re a very selfish and cowardly individual, guising as a good guy who’s a tad insecure. Some call it inflexible but that’s being too nice.
There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart, sadly it happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. You’ve made this woman jump through hoops, learn English and give up her entire life for a new journey across the globe where she’ll need a strong man to take care of her.
In the meantime, you’ve been dicking about in the woods playing with tractors and tools whilst telling us your fears. What you should have been doing is telling this to HER, face to face in Ukraine. This isn’t a game and she’s not a toy.
I just hope she hasn’t turned her back on everything she has before you drop her like a tonne of shit. Rejection isn’t nice and I can only imagine the pain it’ll cause. This should have been done months ago if you weren’t prepared to make one last visit to confirm, one way or another.
The offer of allowing her to use the visa for a holiday is pathetic. I called this out ages ago btw, further back in the thread. Grow some balls and take responsibility before you wreck someone else’s life.
Agreed 100 percent, sometimes I fear we encourage folks who should have no business anywhere near this endeavour, if the lady had access to this site and had read some of this crap she would already be running to the hills. And I’m not referring to the hills he’s planning on living in.Things almost ended yesterday. She inquired about why I am not communicating like I have in the past. I almost told her that it was not gonna work out. I doubt that this thing is going to go through the way I see it now. Sometimes I feel like I know I have to tell her but I haven’t had the guts to do it yet. If we do have that conversation I think I’ll tell her that she can use the visa as a travel visa she wants.
With my uncertainty about this thing and other red flags that rua member have pointed out, I think it’s foolish to do this. I think of the things I have to risk, my retirement and assets, etc.
Arie, Thanks for defending me, but it looks like I’m just an a** that’s about to mess up another girl’s life.
I’m unsure if you’ve been trolling or joking about the tractor and NY stuff because I know very little about you, but let’s assume you’re being genuine in your latest posts.
If this is all true, I think you’re a very selfish and cowardly individual, guising as a good guy who’s a tad insecure. Some call it inflexible but that’s being too nice.
There’s nothing wrong with having a change of heart, sadly it happens. It’s how you deal with it that counts. You’ve made this woman jump through hoops, learn English and give up her entire life for a new journey across the globe where she’ll need a strong man to take care of her.
In the meantime, you’ve been dicking about in the woods playing with tractors and tools whilst telling us your fears. What you should have been doing is telling this to HER, face to face in Ukraine. This isn’t a game and she’s not a toy.
I just hope she hasn’t turned her back on everything she has before you drop her like a tonne of shit. Rejection isn’t nice and I can only imagine the pain it’ll cause. This should have been done months ago if you weren’t prepared to make one last visit to confirm, one way or another.
The offer of allowing her to use the visa for a holiday is pathetic. I called this out ages ago btw, further back in the thread. Grow some balls and take responsibility before you wreck someone else’s life.
+ 1 Rosco just nailed it here, I feel very sorry for this lady TBH.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake. He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.
Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse. Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.
Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake. He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.
Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse. Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.
Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.
I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......
Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.
The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.
I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake. He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.
Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse. Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.
Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.
I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......
Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.
The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.
I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.
Ain't that the truth, I remember similar, at our wedding my FiL stood up and gave a speach (in Ukrainian) and at the end, asked me personally to make sure that I take care of his grandaughter who was 7 years old at the time, of course he was worried about his daughter too, but his grandaughter was far more of a worry for the in laws, especially bearing in mind that they had never visited the UK, certainly puts things into perspective and makes you aware of what these ladies are risking when moving abroad.
Nearly 11 years later that young 7 year old is now at University in the UK and doing very well, sadly, both in laws passed away 3 and 5 years ago so didn't live long enough to see her achieving so much, they would be so proud now, I feel sorry for any ladies who give up their lives in the FSU for anyone who treats them more like a possession, a purchase and with so little respect.
My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl.
This sounds like Jdude is repeating the same mistake. He got engaged after 10 days with that girl and same with this one. Then the wheels fall apart.
Well at least he knows he's an ass but what he's putting these girls through is worse. Playing with their lives and giving them false hope.
Hope that 1st girl is out of the institution and back to normal.
I know first hand, the drama and stress these ladies go through taking such a massive step. I vividly remember the worry on Mrs Rosco's parents face when we told them the news. It was like they were losing their daughter and placing so much trust in me to take care of her. I felt duty bound to visit regularly and still do when we can. At least my wife knew I was there for her......
Imagine telling all your friends and family that your're moving across the world to be with a bloke she barely knows. She'll fear being ridiculed and she'll be praying her faith in this guy pays off. Then there's all the trips to the Visa centres, the tidying up of the loose ends and the mental preparation of the move. Meanwhile he's only thinking of himself and delaying the pain for his own good.
The blokes unfit for this and the pain he caused the first time round should have taught him something. If people could be struck off, then he's on that list. He needs to grow a set and call it now or be honest with her and try to make it work. This isn't the time for building cupboards and playing with tractors.
I'm actually angry at the way he's behaved.
Ain't that the truth, I remember similar, at our wedding my FiL stood up and gave a speach (in Ukrainian) and at the end, asked me personally to make sure that I take care of his grandaughter who was 7 years old at the time, of course he was worried about his daughter too, but his grandaughter was far more of a worry for the in laws, especially bearing in mind that they had never visited the UK, certainly puts things into perspective and makes you aware of what these ladies are risking when moving abroad.
Nearly 11 years later that young 7 year old is now at University in the UK and doing very well, sadly, both in laws passed away 3 and 5 years ago so didn't live long enough to see her achieving so much, they would be so proud now, I feel sorry for any ladies who give up their lives in the FSU for anyone who treats them more like a possession, a purchase and with so little respect.
The problem with this guy is that he refuses to go back.....ever. He said so much. He can't even be arsed flying to meet her in his own country!
A mature man with good intentions wouldn't need told but that speech would certainly focus what it is you have to do. Accept responsibility and do what you need to do to take care of loved ones. At the end of the day we're the ones who've probably instigated the meeting, turned up, spent intimate time with the lady and ended up proposing. The hard work starts at this point
Sadly not every relationship works out but this guys a day late and a dollar short. Again, I'm not sure how much he jests with the language or perhaps provokes but its extremely disrespectful when discussing a real person who's taking it seriously. It's like he thinks he's actually buying a mail order bride.
The lesson here though is that the story you've shared with us Chris, comes from guys who make it work. Most of us have something similar to tell. Flip the coin and you get the bloke in this thread and it'll never work.
I'm glad this is here for others to learn from.
So, what should be doing? Calling it off and retreating to his fortress of solitude on the basis of better now than later?
I don’t have a defense for my behavior. But I’ll answer a couple questions and give an update. The first UA girl is out of the hospital and doing ok last time I heard from her. Current girl is 22 years younger than me. She was denied a tourist visa fall 2017. I didn’t pull the plug yet. I told her I wouldn’t meet her in NY but that I would try to find someone to help her. I found a translator on CL who said she would meet her. She wasn’t happy about it. Not angry, just a little sad.
The tractor is not a joke. In fact, I bought a second one today with a loader. Now I need to sell the other one. Our power company shut off our electricity for a day due to fire danger. So I bought a generator too. I’m keeping her apprised of all of this. I’m trying to give her a lot of the facts. But I’m leaving out the most important one, that I’m an ass as stated before. many of you know it and you’re correct about most of your negative comments about me.
"10 days in Lvov with an angel"...
If this works out the title should be changed to "10 days in Lvov with a Saint - an awesome fantastic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious saint"
Angels, on the other hand, can be vengeful.
"10 days in Lvov with an angel"...
If this works out the title should be changed to "10 days in Lvov with a Saint - an awesome fantastic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious saint"
Angels, on the other hand, can be vengeful.
Not a bloody chance.......this is definitely a .. :trainwreck: and people should think better before encouraging him to destroy the life of this young woman. He already sent another woman in the Hospital because of his selfish and controlling behaviour and we only have to take his own words about himself!
"My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl."
The above words are not mine but his own.
Forgot sake grow up and tell the girl the truth and cancel her trip. You don't need to send a second woman in hospital !
Confed...
Be a good chap and stop trying to find excuses. The life of this new girl is at stake and a "mad professor" is going to destroy it, "because he is an Ass." (his words.)
:evilgrin0002:
Andrew:
Totally agree with your comments which you posted while I was typing mine. :thumbsup:
I can't figure out why he doesn't want to go to NY. Is it the money or is he just too lazy. It's less than 5 hours and a few hundred bucks.
If my fiancee was flying halfway around the world to meet me I should as heck would do everything to ensure her safe passage. Hiring some stranger as translator is laughable to be honest.
While JustaDude I understand you dislike air travel meeting your bride in NYC (or perhaps Amsterdam/Paris) would be a decent thing to do. I assume she is not traveling directly from KBP to JFK. :THDN:
If you travelled to Paris or Amsterdam she would come to America with her spouse/partner at her arm.[/font][/size]
No one's a detractor here, we all want the guys to succeed and have long lasting relationships.
No one's a detractor here, we all want the guys to succeed and have long lasting relationships.
When it comes to relationships - starting or ending - we have lots of 'detractors' who aren't in a relationship, never been married or had kids .. the trick is to ignore them ...
Hmm, 2 ex wifes and now a current "mistress"...lost custody of the kids and didn't pay child support. 60 year old with no roots and keeps jumping between Cyprus and the UK and "road trips" in Russia. You sure are the poster boy for a great relationship! :laugh: :laugh:
Notice how nobody listens to you or asks for your advice. Think why that is.
Of course, most, possibly even all posters here have relevant insights and to claim otherwise is either stupid or intentionally dishonest.
Moby, just try to be honest, or less stupid. You and the OP probably share enough in common that even you have relevant insights. For convenience you could possibly precede honest, truthful, posts with the hash tag #notlying?
No one's a detractor here, we all want the guys to succeed and have long lasting relationships.
When it comes to relationships - starting or ending - we have lots of 'detractors' who aren't in a relationship, never been married or had kids .. the trick is to ignore them ...
So based on your theory, you’d be an excellent candidate to provide balanced, thoughtful, rational and truthful advice?
So based on your theory, you’d be an excellent candidate to provide balanced, thoughtful, rational and truthful advice?
OK, so now you have entered a new stage. Invented people.
Is any of this real?
You getting bored with trolling?
Difficult to keep all the narrative balls in the air?
So based on your theory, you’d be an excellent candidate to provide balanced, thoughtful, rational and truthful advice?
sorry Rosco at first I thought you were asking me that question but it seems you are asking Moby.
I've lived/worked in Russia, speak Russian, dated/had relationships with several ladies. Can't speak for anyone else but I can only offer my experiences.
Moby for the record if you aren't over 60 how old are you?
Perhaps the Guile versus Moby stuff could be moved to another thread, than the those two have there own sand box.It had place, that was locked in the optimistic hope it would bring and end to it.
Moby for the record if you aren't over 60 how old are you?
59 years and 10 months. :laugh:
Perhaps the Guile versus Moby stuff could be moved to another thread, than the those two have there own sand box.
Perhaps the Guile versus Moby stuff could be moved to another thread, than the those two have there own sand box.
I suggest another forum.
Today I bought her plane ticket. She will arrive toward the end of November. I guess that's really the only news for now.
I guess Visa waiver program is not reciprocal between US and Ukraine. :-\
Welcome back, that was a fast week!
Another update. Inspired by Shakespear I contacted a couple attorneys about a prenup. Based on the info I gained I contacted my fiancé and told her that I want one. I wrote an 11 point list to her. She agreed with 9 of the 11. So we will work out the remaining 2. The rules are that she must have her own bilingual California attorney to help her understand it.
It's a good point and one that concerns me. I discussed it with one attorney and he said this is a concern but that there is not way around it. It should help that I've documented that she has seen the basics of the agreement before she quit her job and came here.
Could she overturn the prenup if it was presented to her as a condition after the fiancee visa was granted (as it was) and so therefore was signed (bilingually or not) under duress? Maybe she could get crowdfunding for that..............
JustaDude, How are you doing regarding the wild fires?
This is the most stressful time for this type of relationship it seems. To increase that by organizing a prenuptial from abroad, that seems premature. Perhaps a discussion in broad terms, but see if she enjoys California living.
JustaDude, How are you doing regarding the wild fires?
This is the most stressful time for this type of relationship it seems. To increase that by organizing a prenuptial from abroad, that seems premature. Perhaps a discussion in broad terms, but see if she enjoys California living.
Yes I think that is what will transpire. She has a lot on her plate over the next couple of weeks. She has already gotten a detailed heads up about it. I guess I can wait until she arrives to formalize it and hire attorneys for both of us. I think this will cost me some where around $1000 to $2500.
Thanks for asking about the fires. I live 2 hours from the town of Paradise which was wiped off the map with thousands of homes burned. Thge whole town is gone. Smoke in the valley caused my school to be closed tomorrow. It is pretty amazing what is happening here.
We've proven that I'm not that smart but that I'm also cheap. In my perception I do have something worth protecting. If you google California teacher salaries for a 24 year veteran with a master's degree it might be a little different than you imagined. Also, I got pretty lucky in real estate when I bought a couple properties at the bottom of the market in 2012. My first wife got half of my retirement and $2000/month in alimony and child support in the divorce because she didn't work. I don't want a repeat.
Steveboy don't know if you are being serious about shooting her or killing people you don't like. Seems like a rather "morbid" solution. :chuckle:
Now if you like jails for the rest of your life go right ahead. ???
justadude we get that you want to protect your assets and not get burned again.
Your 1 wife gets half your pension? damn brah. Hope the alimony isn't for life either.
Joe Rogan did a podcast on women who got rich from divorce settelements. Nasty stuff.
They are basically stealing. So you better get that pre-nup solid. but how's she feeling about everything, is she excited to be coming over?
It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
she gave notice at her 8 year career job!
I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
geeezus justadude you are worse than a teenager who can't decide if he wants vanilla or chocolate ice cream. just pull the damn plug. it's obvious your mind is on your money and losing everything. Once bitten twice shy we get it.
This ain't some local girl who you can break up with. You started the K1 visa, you bought the tickets, you had a YEAR to plan it out.
That you got pre-nup info from a forum at the last minute shows you aren't prepared for anything. You're more worried about buying tractors and playing with your toys. Can't be half arsed to evenn meet her half way, your supposed "wife".
You better start planning a contingency if she does leave you.
It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Do you not think it reasonable that you bear some responsibility if you import someone and the wheels fall off? Should the American taxpayer have to foot the bill for your lifestyle choices? I'd say not.she gave notice at her 8 year career job!I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
If you pull that stunt on her at this stage you are not a man. Grow a pair, stop procrastinating and make it work. You made the decision, stick to it and follow through. You are playing with this woman's life here.
It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Do you not think it reasonable that you bear some responsibility if you import someone and the wheels fall off? Should the American taxpayer have to foot the bill for your lifestyle choices? I'd say not.she gave notice at her 8 year career job!I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
If you pull that stunt on her at this stage you are not a man. Grow a pair, stop procrastinating and make it work. You made the decision, stick to it and follow through. You are playing with this woman's life here.
Well I agree with Manny 100%! :thumbsup:
Hey Just A Dude I've tried to be consistent and root for you but you do make it difficult. I even played along as I figured you were trolling your audience here.
But now it's time to put on the big boy pants and make this work! She obviously must be a really great gal, she made the ticket thing work for her cat situation when some other drama queens would have been screaming at you.
She's been really damn patient and committed to you, isn't it time you returned with the same level or better commitment?
You're not in Junior High School here, this isn't a game. You'll always regret it also if you flake out now. Just be the man you need to be. IOW Just A Man should be your new moniker but for real.
After a little more searching I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again. It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Yes, she is very excited and she gave notice at her 8 year career job! I'm back to sweating bullets.
Halo
Re: 10 days in Lvov with an angel
« Reply #373 on: Today at 12:54:19 PM »
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You are ignoring this user. Show me the post.
Halo is back. get da donk outta here no one wants to talk to you. sicko.
Another thing - have her bring her school transcripts. If you still have time, go to a school and look into what she will need to get any credit. I know that it some professions, university educations will transfer, at least partially. Who knows? If you do that and things go south, she may end up paying you.
Confed this girl can barely speak any English. She'll need a translator just at NY airport!
Doubt she will be able to understand a lecture in English let alone a simple conversation.
Those women are really dedicated, once she's there I bet she does just fine! :plane:
Another thing - have her bring her school transcripts. If you still have time, go to a school and look into what she will need to get any credit. I know that in some professions, university educations will transfer, at least partially. Who knows? If you do that and things go south, she may end up paying you.
After a little more searching I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again. It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Yes, she is very excited and she gave notice at her 8 year career job! I'm back to sweating bullets.
Billy's facts were wrong. Someone gave me the information and I passed it on to GQ in a PM.
It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Do you not think it reasonable that you bear some responsibility if you import someone and the wheels fall off? Should the American taxpayer have to foot the bill for your lifestyle choices? I'd say not.she gave notice at her 8 year career job!I'm back to being pretty scared and thinking of pulling the plug again.
If you pull that stunt on her at this stage you are not a man. Grow a pair, stop procrastinating and make it work. You made the decision, stick to it and follow through. You are playing with this woman's life here.
It seems that it's impossible for a prenup to set aside the obligation you make to support an immigrant through I-864, the affidavit you sign before adjustment of status can happen. You're on the hook for 10 years to support the immigrant at 125% of the poverty level. I think this law is pretty stupid but I had access to this information before I did any of this so it's my fault for not fully considering it.
Yes, she is very excited and she gave notice at her 8 year career job! I'm back to sweating bullets.
Cancel the thing, send her money to tide her over while she finds a new job. You're not in a place to get married, you're not committed to marriage or her, you have not prepared for her arrival in any real sense.
If you can write here, now about ending things with her at this stage then you're not up to the job of being her man - or any woman's man. Don't destroy her life any more than you have.
At this point I'd expect you to be fighting for her, to be actively working to make things better for her, to have been discussing and planning how she will make her life with you.
You shouldn't need to be told about transcripts of qualifications at this stage; that should have been sorted out months ago. Given your background qualifications stuff should be a given.
If you haven't thought about that then what else remains unthought of and undone?
Have you arranged for her health care?
Have you researched her language study options?
Have you sorted out her driving license transfer?
What kind of a game are you playing here?
What about turning Gay?? Find yourself a man instead.. ok I know its probably not what you planned in life.. but what the heck everyone is doing it now :laugh:
From the posts you have made, TBH, you sound like somewhat of a control freak - she will do this. I want this, so she will do that. If this perception is accurate, your marriage will fail. It's inevitable. The only issue is whether it takes her 2 years or 20 to get tired of your attitudes.
Cancel the thing, send her money to tide her over while she finds a new job. You're not in a place to get married, you're not committed to marriage or her, you have not prepared for her arrival in any real sense.
If you can write here, now about ending things with her at this stage then you're not up to the job of being her man - or any woman's man. Don't destroy her life any more than you have.
At this point I'd expect you to be fighting for her, to be actively working to make things better for her, to have been discussing and planning how she will make her life with you.
You shouldn't need to be told about transcripts of qualifications at this stage; that should have been sorted out months ago. Given your background qualifications stuff should be a given.
If you haven't thought about that then what else remains unthought of and undone?
Have you arranged for her health care?
Have you researched her language study options?
Have you sorted out her driving license transfer?
What kind of a game are you playing here?
I view his posts as more "cold feet" than anything else.
Exactly how I read it as well, folks should hold sympathy and support for the poor woman that had the misfortune to meet this bloke.Cancel the thing, send her money to tide her over while she finds a new job. You're not in a place to get married, you're not committed to marriage or her, you have not prepared for her arrival in any real sense.
If you can write here, now about ending things with her at this stage then you're not up to the job of being her man - or any woman's man. Don't destroy her life any more than you have.
At this point I'd expect you to be fighting for her, to be actively working to make things better for her, to have been discussing and planning how she will make her life with you.
You shouldn't need to be told about transcripts of qualifications at this stage; that should have been sorted out months ago. Given your background qualifications stuff should be a given.
If you haven't thought about that then what else remains unthought of and undone?
Have you arranged for her health care?
Have you researched her language study options?
Have you sorted out her driving license transfer?
What kind of a game are you playing here?
I view his posts as more "cold feet" than anything else.
I disagree.
From his posts, he displays an obvious lack of respect, understanding and empathy for his bride to be. He expects her to be delivered to his door, at a time suitable for him and she must conform to a lifestyle he sets.
Now he’s looking to get a legal document drawn up, so when it comes to disposing of his toy, he’ll be protected as best he can whilst she’s dumped like trash. From what he’s written in this thread alone, it’s not right and he shouldn’t be getting any support.
If he imports her, uses her, gets bored and dumps her, I hope she takes him to the cleaners. This lady has given up her life to move to him and he’s already trying to work out how to dump her on the cheap.
Horrible.
I think you should take a novel approach and stop thinking of negative “what if’s” and start thinking of positive what if’s.
Take some time and read about 2TallBill’s life since he got married and how he and his wife have made a life together. Sort of reminds me of the movie “It’s a wonderful life” but better because it’s real.
Then again 2Tall is totally dedicated to his wife, we haven’t seen that attitude of love and devotion out of you.
pull the plug, this ain't gonna work.
Cancel the thing, send her money to tide her over while she finds a new job. You're not in a place to get married, you're not committed to marriage or her, you have not prepared for her arrival in any real sense.
If you can write here, now about ending things with her at this stage then you're not up to the job of being her man - or any woman's man. Don't destroy her life any more than you have.
At this point I'd expect you to be fighting for her, to be actively working to make things better for her, to have been discussing and planning how she will make her life with you.
You shouldn't need to be told about transcripts of qualifications at this stage; that should have been sorted out months ago. Given your background qualifications stuff should be a given.
If you haven't thought about that then what else remains unthought of and undone?
Have you arranged for her health care?
Have you researched her language study options?
Have you sorted out her driving license transfer?
What kind of a game are you playing here?
I view his posts as more "cold feet" than anything else. The reality is, most every AM who marries an FSUW does so as a leap of faith, because he has not spent time with her, he doesn't know her, really. Moreover, a couple is always strangers until they live together.
In his shoes, I would go ahead with her arriving, and set a wedding date late in the 90 days (between days 85 and 88). By 60 days in, he will know if he wants this.
justadude, listen to your intuition. Fears are normal, but if your gut is telling you this is not right, then it isn't. If you do decide not to marry her, give her $5600, which amounts to a year's salary at the average wage in Ukraine, to get through what she will have to. If you're a gentleman, you may want to up it to $10,000.
As for education, if she doesn't want to be an accountant, you should not force your will on her. In your shoes, I would tell her it is a stable job that she can do from home, get qualified, dip her feet, and then decide what else she may be interested in. I think it is more the stability I'd be selling. The first thing, though, is intense ESL classes.
From the posts you have made, TBH, you sound like somewhat of a control freak - she will do this. I want this, so she will do that. If this perception is accurate, your marriage will fail. It's inevitable. The only issue is whether it takes her 2 years or 20 to get tired of your attitudes.
How do you really feel about this situation? :ROFL:
I understand the woman is making sacrifices but she can always rent her flat in Ukraine and come back home to it. She will still have her state sponsored health insurance, her pension, etc.
However, for the man, he can lose one of his houses. And in the US we need to think about retirement. Real estate in California is expensive, so the op has a valid point. We're easily talking 500k usd for an average house in California.
So rather than criticizxe so much I think we should provide valid experience from either people that have experienced this or people in the field such as realtors, accountants, lawyers. If you're over 40 you need to think about your nest egg and why take lightly the risk of derailing your life savings and assetts.
I disagree.
From his posts, he displays an obvious lack of respect, understanding and empathy for his bride to be. He expects her to be delivered to his door, at a time suitable for him and she must conform to a lifestyle he sets.
Now he’s looking to get a legal document drawn up, so when it comes to disposing of his toy, he’ll be protected as best he can whilst she’s dumped like trash. From what he’s written in this thread alone, it’s not right and he shouldn’t be getting any support.
If he imports her, uses her, gets bored and dumps her, I hope she takes him to the cleaners. This lady has given up her life to move to him and he’s already trying to work out how to dump her on the cheap.
Horrible.
I disagree.
From his posts, he displays an obvious lack of respect, understanding and empathy for his bride to be. He expects her to be delivered to his door, at a time suitable for him and she must conform to a lifestyle he sets.
Now he’s looking to get a legal document drawn up, so when it comes to disposing of his toy, he’ll be protected as best he can whilst she’s dumped like trash. From what he’s written in this thread alone, it’s not right and he shouldn’t be getting any support.
If he imports her, uses her, gets bored and dumps her, I hope she takes him to the cleaners. This lady has given up her life to move to him and he’s already trying to work out how to dump her on the cheap.
Horrible.
You guys are never happy. I remember you attacking me and telling me I portray my life as "perfect" because I don't complain about my husband. So make up your mind.:laugh:
I take dude's posts as just one facet of what he is thinking, and it's the facet that concerns him if the worst case "what if's" come true. That's why he is posting about it. It's the one where he either needs reassurance, or to bounce ideas off others. He doesn't need help in considering her good qualities (which, given the large age difference, we can guess :P).
While we can not climb inside Justadude's head...
While we can not climb inside Justadude's head we can read what he writes. What he writes does not paint a picture of a caring man with the empathy and willingness to compromise that are likely to support the stresses of a cross cultural marriage in a communication compromised environment. The actions that he has told us he has taken, or intends to take support the negative impression that I noted above.
That's why I, for one, have suggested that it might be better for him to cancel his plans until such time as he is mentally prepared for a relationship of the type he has told us he wants and that the woman delivering herself to him seems to want.
She is probably thinking that no matter what happens, she will have a better future in the U.S. than in Ukraine.
justadude have you looked into offshore accounts and trusts. Where money can be safely kept even in the case of divorce or alimony.
Look into it and find a good financial advisor. Not from the big banks. Learn how to layer your money and make things liquid.
Sell all your "toys" and assets. If the house has a big mortgage still I would consider selling it too and renting.
I worked in London at one of the big banks, think "Premier League".. wealthy clients always find a way to keep their money.
justadude have you looked into offshore accounts and trusts. Where money can be safely kept even in the case of divorce or alimony.
Look into it and find a good financial advisor. Not from the big banks. Learn how to layer your money and make things liquid.
Sell all your "toys" and assets. If the house has a big mortgage still I would consider selling it too and renting.
I worked in London at one of the big banks, think "Premier League".. wealthy clients always find a way to keep their money.
Americans cannot open an account in another country unless uncle Sam is made aware. And many foreign banks even turn down American clients because of some regulation where the foreign bank is obligated to advise the US government if one of its citizens opens an account.
Americans cannot open an account in another country unless uncle Sam is made aware. And many foreign banks even turn down American clients because of some regulation where the foreign bank is obligated to advise the US government if one of its citizens opens an account.
If she is going through with this because she thinks that even the worst in the US is better than her expectations in Ukraine, is this what a man really looks for in a wife?
Truth is, I have already said the same as Halo is now saying. But how many guys, normally socialized and mentally healthy, would be willing to accept this paradigm? OK, so the reality is that Justadude has set himself up for this kind of relationship. I'd expect any woman exporting herself to a bloke who behaves as this one says he does to be making extremely self-interested plans, if for no other reason than to protect herself.
You're incorrect Andrew. Anyone here knows real estate in California is worth top dollar and on top of that we are currently in a housing bubble. If said marriage were to end before the bubble bursts it will represent a lot of money.
You're incorrect Andrew. Anyone here knows real estate in California is worth top dollar and on top of that we are currently in a housing bubble. If said marriage were to end before the bubble bursts it will represent a lot of money.
The cost of one's home is not relevant. Ones home is not wealth, having a home is something we all have. It can't be hidden away offshore. Any divorce settlement will account for the need of both parties to have a home. A prenuptial agreement can not therefore stop its sale if required to complete an equitable settlement.
If a point is reached where simply having a home makes one unusual or wealthy then there's other issues than getting married to deal with.
You're incorrect Andrew. Anyone here knows real estate in California is worth top dollar and on top of that we are currently in a housing bubble. If said marriage were to end before the bubble bursts it will represent a lot of money.
I don't have much of a factual update. But I'll say I am pretty excited. Just a few days to go until she gets here. Communication has been pleasant and anticipatory. I tried to give her all of the information with which to make her decision to come or not, including some important things I haven't shared with anyone (not RUA either) other than her and close friends.
We have both made our decision so at this point I think there is little to be gained by anything other than making her arrival as fun for her and me as possible. I worked on the house a little today, fixing a couple things I think she'll appreciate. I'm thinking about taking my dogs to a kennel for a couple days to give us some alone time. I have made final arrangements with her translator in NY and she has made email contact with her as well, opting not to make a phone call ahead of time, which I advised. She is making her final arrangements. I'd say wish me the best, but I'm not that delusional))
I'll meet her at the airport with roses. I wonder if I should go with the FSU odd number or go with the American dozen, since she will be receiving them on US soil.
I don't have much of a factual update. But I'll say I am pretty excited. Just a few days to go until she gets here. Communication has been pleasant and anticipatory. I tried to give her all of the information with which to make her decision to come or not, including some important things I haven't shared with anyone (not RUA either) other than her and close friends.
We have both made our decision so at this point I think there is little to be gained by anything other than making her arrival as fun for her and me as possible. I worked on the house a little today, fixing a couple things I think she'll appreciate. I'm thinking about taking my dogs to a kennel for a couple days to give us some alone time. I have made final arrangements with her translator in NY and she has made email contact with her as well, opting not to make a phone call ahead of time, which I advised. She is making her final arrangements. I'd say wish me the best, but I'm not that delusional))
I'll meet her at the airport with roses. I wonder if I should go with the FSU odd number or go with the American dozen, since she will be receiving them on US soil.
Real estate in California can vary wildly in value depending on the region.
Coastal California being the most pricey. With most properties in the multi million dollar range. Though there are some planned communities that the prices are lower. Inland the property values are all over the place, in the mountains about 2.5 hours from LA there is Idyllwild just above Palm Springs. Prices there are from above 1 million to somewhere in the mid 300,000 for something simple. Elsewhere in the mountains the prices can be above half million, with the occasional outlier to the under 50,000.
Having noted this our hero needs a foreign bank account as much as he needs a lobotomy. His net worth does not warrant it.
I'll meet her at the airport with roses. I wonder if I should go with the FSU odd number or go with the American dozen, since she will be receiving them on US soil.
well good luck jdude... why did you advise her not to talk to the translator before though?Thanks. I advised her to talk to the translator, but she has chosen not to so far. Maybe because millennials, even Ukrainian ones, don't like to talk on the phone?
OK, odd it is!I'll meet her at the airport with roses. I wonder if I should go with the FSU odd number or go with the American dozen, since she will be receiving them on US soil.
Agree with the other guys here. Stick with odd for now.
An odd number of roses. You can take a Slavic woman out of her country, but you can not take the Slavic out of the woman.haha!
BTW, I sold the extra tractor and a bunch of other extra stuff left over from my RV project. I have one extra truck right now that I need to sell. A part is coming for it in a couple days then I'll put it up for sale.
I have a day scheduled for cleaning before she arrives.
I made a special place in the house for her cat to voluntarily have some privacy, in case the cat doesn't take to the dogs right away.
BTW, I sold the extra tractor and a bunch of other extra stuff left over from my RV project. I have one extra truck right now that I need to sell. A part is coming for it in a couple days then I'll put it up for sale.
Selling your toys is a big move you're making. A few women have told me they want a man who'll love them more than his car. Your fiancée will need a lot of attention as she comes into a new culture and will depend on you. Spending 4 hrs a day under a hood is not a good thing. Get rid of all time consuming projects.I have a day scheduled for cleaning before she arrives.
I spent more that a day cleaning my place before my wife arrived and I still failed to get it clean. My wife easily showed me where I missed spots. She could tell I wasn't a pro at cleaning.I made a special place in the house for her cat to voluntarily have some privacy, in case the cat doesn't take to the dogs right away.
Does her cat and your dogs get to eat meat? I remember you saying there's not meat in the house earlier.
BTW, I sold the extra tractor and a bunch of other extra stuff left over from my RV project. I have one extra truck right now that I need to sell. A part is coming for it in a couple days then I'll put it up for sale.
Selling your toys is a big move you're making. A few women have told me they want a man who'll love them more than his car. Your fiancée will need a lot of attention as she comes into a new culture and will depend on you. Spending 4 hrs a day under a hood is not a good thing. Get rid of all time consuming projects.I have a day scheduled for cleaning before she arrives.
I spent more that a day cleaning my place before my wife arrived and I still failed to get it clean. My wife easily showed me where I missed spots. She could tell I wasn't a pro at cleaning.I made a special place in the house for her cat to voluntarily have some privacy, in case the cat doesn't take to the dogs right away.
Does her cat and your dogs get to eat meat? I remember you saying there's not meat in the house earlier.
Cats must eat meat or they die.
BTW, I sold the extra tractor and a bunch of other extra stuff left over from my RV project. I have one extra truck right now that I need to sell. A part is coming for it in a couple days then I'll put it up for sale.
Selling your toys is a big move you're making. A few women have told me they want a man who'll love them more than his car. Your fiancée will need a lot of attention as she comes into a new culture and will depend on you. Spending 4 hrs a day under a hood is not a good thing. Get rid of all time consuming projects.I have a day scheduled for cleaning before she arrives.
I spent more that a day cleaning my place before my wife arrived and I still failed to get it clean. My wife easily showed me where I missed spots. She could tell I wasn't a pro at cleaning.I made a special place in the house for her cat to voluntarily have some privacy, in case the cat doesn't take to the dogs right away.
Does her cat and your dogs get to eat meat? I remember you saying there's not meat in the house earlier.
Cats must eat meat or they die.
True, but guess what the latest idea is by liberals? Vegetarian cat and dog food. :sick0012:
In regards to JAD maybe he feeds the animals outside on the porch or something.
I don't have much of a factual update. But I'll say I am pretty excited. Just a few days to go until she gets here. Communication has been pleasant and anticipatory. I tried to give her all of the information with which to make her decision to come or not, including some important things I haven't shared with anyone (not RUA either) other than her and close friends.
We have both made our decision so at this point I think there is little to be gained by anything other than making her arrival as fun for her and me as possible. I worked on the house a little today, fixing a couple things I think she'll appreciate. I'm thinking about taking my dogs to a kennel for a couple days to give us some alone time. I have made final arrangements with her translator in NY and she has made email contact with her as well, opting not to make a phone call ahead of time, which I advised. She is making her final arrangements. I'd say wish me the best, but I'm not that delusional))
I'll meet her at the airport with roses. I wonder if I should go with the FSU odd number or go with the American dozen, since she will be receiving them on US soil.
She's been here for almost 2 weeks. Things almost disintegrated on day 2, proving once again that I'm an ass. Predictably, meat was involved in the disagreement. The cat is the only one who eats meat in the house. I have generally believed that cats are carnivores and vicious killers, but Steve's post is inspirational. My dogs have eaten vegetarian dog food for 20+ years. One lived to 14 on that food. I'm sure they resent me for it.
She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
Living in a dacha hasn't been too bad so far. She realizes the beauty of this area and why I like it enough to shun civilization. I wouldn't say this to her, but the Sierras, which reach as high as 14000 feet, have some much prettier areas than the Carpathians. Then again, I've barely visited the Carps, so what do I know? She is quite happy with the walking distance shops and cafes, which in some cases are a step up from the shops near her place in U.
We are planning to go to an empty parking lot in a few minutes to let her drive the truck (it's the one in the fleet with an automatic).
I don't want to share many other details right now, but I'll say things are a bit tenuous.
She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
If a girlfriend of mine enforced a no-meat regime on me then I know that I would be bad tempered. I'd also be looking for a new girlfriend.
She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
I'm not sure that bit would fill me with glee.
She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
I'm not sure that bit would fill me with glee.
Yeah, sounds as if she’s setting up her options and they won’t include JAD.She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
I'm not sure that bit would fill me with glee.
Yeah, sounds as if she’s setting up her options and they won’t include JAD.She connected with some local Russian speaking friends via a FB group. She was even offered a job right away. All positive from my perspective.
I'm not sure that bit would fill me with glee.
Seriously, Dude, you need to choose your battles. Is meat eating or not such a big deal worth ending your relationship over? Let it go, you have to compromise on lots of issues. Better they are fairly inconsequential ones now so you can stand your ground on the biggies later of which there will be a few, without doubt.
She's been here for almost 2 weeks. Things almost disintegrated on day 2, proving once again that I'm an ass. Predictably, meat was involved in the disagreement. The cat is the only one who eats meat in the house.
Humans get to choose what we eat. The animals that we take care of do not have that luxury. Seems cruel to me to deny animals the foods they need in order to satisfy our own ideas.
Judge a man by the way he treats his horse and his servants.
I hope that things between you and your new companion work out for the best.
Nope, they don't. To repeat, people can learn to change behavior but the personality does not change - at least not in a significant way. There may be short term changes, for example during military service or after a bereavement, but those are short term. As we get older we might get more self confident, or more conscientious, but a person who lacks self confidence will not become a visibly self confident person, the careless person will not become highly conscientious.
However, in the case under discussion, the guy is not even changing the way he behaves.
Problem is that masking, the simulation of a different personality that is reflected in changes in behaviour, is stressful. The bigger the required change the greater the stress. Most people are unable to maintain a significant degree of masking for that reason. Our hero may well be making a choice that is, for him, optimal. By not changing anything he keeps his stress levels low and, of course, the person who might need him to change his behaviour will either put up with it or leave.
vegans were always odd to me..who doesnt like a good BBQ!!
occasionally she grabs the Shashlik out of my hand and devours it ....?
What isn't a vegan who eats meat?
Is Shashlik a euphemism here? :chuckle:
I forgot to ask Justadude.. ;D
Winter is on the way I would presume being a vegetarian you will not be wearing LEATHER boots this winter?? :laugh:
I forgot to ask Justadude.. ;D
Winter is on the way I would presume being a vegetarian you will not be wearing LEATHER boots this winter?? :laugh:
So, every time your wife buys a fur coat you eat the animals that contributed to it?
What isn't a vegan who eats meat?
What isn't a vegan who eats meat?
Good one! Bi~consumable or dual fuel?
Do you think she has tied Justadude to a tree and is force-feeding him shashlik?Nothing like meat on the bone, I guess.
I forgot to ask Justadude.. ;D
Winter is on the way I would presume being a vegetarian you will not be wearing LEATHER boots this winter?? :laugh:
"10 days in Lvov with an angel"...
If this works out the title should be changed to "10 days in Lvov with a Saint - an awesome fantastic supercalifragilisticexpialidocious saint"
Angels, on the other hand, can be vengeful.
Not a bloody chance.......this is definitely a .. :trainwreck: and people should think better before encouraging him to destroy the life of this young woman. He already sent another woman in the Hospital because of his selfish and controlling behaviour and we only have to take his own words about himself!
"My previous FSU fiance, as I have mentioned in the past, was institutionalized due to conditions induced (in my mind) by the stress of the situation. However, another common factor, me, cannot be overlooked as likely playing a role.
I'm just an ass. Maybe I'm unfit for a relationship and that's why I had to go half way around the world to find a girl."
The above words are not mine but his own.
Forgot sake grow up and tell the girl the truth and cancel her trip. You don't need to send a second woman in hospital !
Confed...
Be a good chap and stop trying to find excuses. The life of this new girl is at stake and a "mad professor" is going to destroy it, "because he is an Ass." (his words.)
:evilgrin0002:
Andrew:
Totally agree with your comments which you posted while I was typing mine. :thumbsup:
You are a true piece of shite. Your ego has just destroyed someone's present life. You have no idea how difficult it will be for this young woman to go back and try to reconstruct her life. I hope no one here gives you any sort of absolution. You don't deserve it.
If I were she, I would be rolling up to the nearest women's refuge with huge black eye and a story to tell.
You are a true piece of shite. Your ego has just destroyed someone's present life. You have no idea how difficult it will be for this young woman to go back and try to reconstruct her life. I hope no one here gives you any sort of absolution. You don't deserve it.
You are a true piece of shite. Your ego has just destroyed someone's present life. You have no idea how difficult it will be for this young woman to go back and try to reconstruct her life. I hope no one here gives you any sort of absolution. You don't deserve it.
I am going to disagree with you a bit. She knew he was seeing someone else before she arrived. Yet she still chose to come. I get the sense it is not because she is head over heels in love with him, that she was so anxious to come to the US.
To try to mitigate the damage, I will give her at least $5K.
As I've pondered in the past, "what value does this information bring to anyone on RUA?". I must be getting something out of it, but I'm not sure what. I don't think anyone will make the same mistakes as me. I mean, who could possibly be so stupid? Therefore the story really has no value.
Maybe I shouldn't update any more. If you don't hear from me again, assume it ended.
You have no idea how difficult it will be for this young woman to go back and try to reconstruct her life.
You have no idea how difficult it will be for this young woman to go back and try to reconstruct her life.
You think she'll go back? I don't.
If I understand correctly, the US is an oddity in the way that if you get in there by whatever means, it's quite easy to function while being under the radar (getting a driving licence or a job, etc). And not terribly hard to legalise yourself (by marrying someone else, dropping a kid and applying to stay for example). The hard bit is getting in in the first place.
She started building her Russian speaking network in advance IIRC. If she looks OK (and we'll assume she does), is quite bright (and we'll assume she is), it won't take her long to have some kind of job and a place to stay, and then meet a bloke. From there the only way is up. I can't see her going back to Mud City.
Doesn't she have to go back? She's still working on those 90 days you need with the K1, and they aren't married. Or am I missing something?
Has anyone here ever tried living in a country illegally ? try it..
Doesn't she have to go back? She's still working on those 90 days you need with the K1, and they aren't married. Or am I missing something?
Hence the women's shelter and black eye point I made up thread. If she has been building a network of contacts then I'd be surprised if she did not already have the information she needs.
I may have irreparably damaged someone's life, the loss of her career job being the biggest tangible thing.
I am going to disagree with you a bit. She knew he was seeing someone else before she arrived. Yet she still chose to come. I get the sense it is not because she is head over heels in love with him, that she was so anxious to come to the US.
To OP, exactly how are you going to give her this money? The best way would be to open a bank account in her name, rather than have her carry cash. Or, wire it into a Ukrainian bank account for, say, her mother. In many places in Ukraine, with cash, she will be a target, even if she doesn't realize that.
After you arrive you have to convince the guy to marry you and commit to lifetime support before your status can be adjusted.
I brought a 0.6 carat solitaire engagement ring with me
She's going to hang out with a Russian speaking friend in a couple of days. Is Sasha a female name or male name? Kidding (I'm sure an RUA'r will run with that!).
She's going to hang out with a Russian speaking friend in a couple of days. Is Sasha a female name or male name? Kidding (I'm sure an RUA'r will run with that!).
Just in case someone doesn't 'get' it ... It could be either
Such terms of endearment come from knowing that person ....as a rule
We broke up yesterday and even transacted the funds. But then today I had a change of heart again, thinking about all the good she brings to my life(and the sad stories about things from her past).
I'm sure you can think of multiple ways she might scam me. Go ahead, think and post away. It's not part of my reality, but I know it's a topic of interest on RUA. Then again, Sasquatch is not part of my reality either, and I'll admit I think there's a 5% chance such a creature exists.
We broke up yesterday and even transacted the funds. But then today I had a change of heart again, thinking about all the good she brings to my life(and the sad stories about things from her past).
I told her I'd like to try again, but at the same time warned her that another breakup (which would be the 4th one) might happen. I also told her that isn't my intention but that there is compelling statistical evidence to make such a case. She said that she knows the risks but still wants to try. So we had a great day today.
We broke up yesterday and even transacted the funds. But then today I had a change of heart again, thinking about all the good she brings to my life(and the sad stories about things from her past).
I told her I'd like to try again, but at the same time warned her that another breakup (which would be the 4th one) might happen. I also told her that isn't my intention but that there is compelling statistical evidence to make such a case. She said that she knows the risks but still wants to try. So we had a great day today.
Be honest with yourself. You don't love her. You're not thrilled to be with her. You were even dating another woman looking for better options to marry while your fiancée's visa was getting processed. You were looking for better options because you knew she wasn't the right one for you.
Although your fiancée had signs from you that you're not 100% into her, she decided to believe in the fantasy that things will be alright....but you should've done the right thing and cancelled her visa before she came.
Will this end up in marriage? Will there be another breakup and she go home? Or will she engage the backup plan, stay with her friend in America and violate her visa?
Be honest with yourself. You don't love her. You're not thrilled to be with her. You were even dating another woman looking for better options to marry while your fiancée's visa was getting processed. You were looking for better options because you knew she wasn't the right one for you.
Although your fiancée had signs from you that you're not 100% into her, she decided to believe in the fantasy that things will be alright....but you should've done the right thing and cancelled her visa before she came.
We broke up yesterday and even transacted the funds. But then today I had a change of heart again, thinking about all the good she brings to my life
justdude, if this girl is even half pretty set her up with one of your buddies. if you are gonna break it off anyways give her a chance to stay in the states.
JAD if you were a true Gentleman you would have done a firm breakup long ago.
You’re just using this young woman for your ego. You’re a player and you’ll keep having affairs on the side.
Sooner or later she’s gonna wise up, hopefully you’re already fixed.
i didn't know high school teachers in plaid shirts could be playas
yeah what is puzzling is this girl is putting up with all of this. most woulda bailed.
justdude at least you still got a sense of humor!
is her English improving btw or still language communication issues?
That, of course, assumes that the victim has not been so demoralized that she is unable to fend for herself.
Curious Dude, you are a teacher, how do you relate to your students? And more important how do your students relate to you as a teacher and perhaps mentor?[/font][/size]
Something is holding you back and that is your paradigm which keeps you from change and in check. That is most likely both of you.
The paradigm makes you come up with excuses why you can't do it as well.
You are both very scared and afraid to make the marriage happen. Fear is always false and you will have to cross through to the other side. Its a growth process.
The solution is to get very emotional into it and take it slowly until you overide the fear.
Justadude, if you're crying now, you'll be crying a whole lot more when you do something you don't want such as marrying your fiancee. Cut her loose. Send her back home. If you have a change of heart, you could always try it again with her. You've dragged this on too long and it's bad for both of you. Plenty of women out there. Get yourself to a happy place.
Something is holding you back and that is your paradigm which keeps you from change and in check. That is most likely both of you.
The paradigm makes you come up with excuses why you can't do it as well.
You are both very scared and afraid to make the marriage happen. Fear is always false and you will have to cross through to the other side. Its a growth process.
The solution is to get very emotional into it and take it slowly until you overide the fear.
I think this is so true. I think human attraction and love is much simpler than I make it.
I believe being with me has made her physically ill, as have become other women in the past. What do I do with that? I'm a horrible person.
It’s a sorry tale if ever I’ve read one. I do have a degree of sympathy for JAD with him seemingly coming to terms with what he’s done but at the end of the day, it was a fcuk up from the start but he carried on anyway!I would say it’s more that the woman has learned the hard way. JAD has known for a very long time that he was ambivalent about his intention to have a future with her yet he still persisted in his attempt at exorcising his demons, all at her expense.
You don’t mess with other people’s feelings and he’s learned the hard way.
...justdude needs to figure himself out before finding aRussiangirl.
I actually think that he just trolled the bunch of you.
I actually think that he just trolled the bunch of you.
If he did then the act of doing so diminished him and not I. I lost no humanity by posting as I did; he on the other hand did - whether he was trolling or not.
I actually think that he just trolled the bunch of you.
The issues sadly never were obvious when we spoke.
If anyone is interested in numbers, the whole disaster cost me around $11K, including our trip to Lvov in early 18, the trip here, the $5500 in guilt money, the stuff I bought her, the engagement ring, etc.
Over the last 2 weeks we have had over 4 feet of snow. A sizable tree fell on my vacation rental, a frozen/broken pipe, cutting down more trees, trying to get the 4WD tractor to be an effective snow removal tool (we generally have relatively warm, heavy and wet snow), lots of shoveling, dealing with tourist traffic through town, having the highway shut down and getting to work (I've missed 2 days from snow problems) have kept me pretty busy. I really am thankful for the distraction. Many of the residents have been in survival mode here. This looks like at least a 20 year winter so far.
My grandchildren, in Lake Sammamish, tell me they have missed several days of school because of snow.
Guilt money?
You dishonestly inveigled her into giving up her life to be with you and then when she was with you, you were shagging at least one other woman, you made it impossible for her to be with you and retain any shred of self-respect - the money that she left with is a bare minimum to enable her to restart her life back in Ukraine.
Call it compensation and consider yourself lucky to have gotten off so lightly.
Have you yet arranged your first therapy session?
The $5500 was what I gave her to buy her ticket home and have enough to pay for a few month's wages while she finds a new job. I hope she finds a job better than the one she had.
I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.
Don't expect anybody but yourself to get to a happy place.
I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.
I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.
I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.
I never felt a need to get help. If there is a problem, I fix it or get rid of the problem. You are in control of your own happiness. Don't expect anybody but yourself to get to a happy place.
You deserve praise for doing that.
I've been in therapy off and on for 20 years.
I never felt a need to get help. If there is a problem, I fix it or get rid of the problem. You are in control of your own happiness. Don't expect anybody but yourself to get to a happy place.
Last September, I managed to escape the knock on my door (he only knocks once!) by the “Grim Reaper” but I made a deal with him.
Having escape from his clutches, I promised never to smoke again and 7 months, I think I have kept my deal and achieved that without any help from doctors or therapists or any patches. I simply stopped smoking, and use sugar free chewy gums and of course chamomile tea and only 1-2 coffees a day. BTW “Manny” all systems are back to normal now and I enjoy the sunshine… we have here. :party0011:
This might sound harsh, but I think there are two damaged people in this thread.
Yes Just a Dude was not a honest player, but his Angel came with so much baggage, in the form of hopes and dreams that this entire episode was doomed.
Is it me or is this story complete bullshit ???
Is it me or is this story complete bullshit ???
Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?
Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?
I agree with Andrew.
You continually contacting her is more about easing your guilt and making you feel better. If she contacts you then thats another matter. If she hasn't been contacting you, then let her be and make sure you don't do this to anybody else.
Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?
I'd say so. :nod:
Why not participate in a few other topics?
Your experience far exceeds many here now. Experience has value even if it didn't end in a bed of roses.
Perhaps I'll continue to update this from time to time. Is there any value in that?
I'd say so. :nod:
Why not participate in a few other topics?
Maybe because I obviously suck so bad at this that I have nothing of value to offer!Your experience far exceeds many here now. Experience has value even if it didn't end in a bed of roses.
I suppose you're right. I am not a fan of giving or receiving internet advice. And, I'm not really a fan of giving advice in other circumstances either. I really don't like to come any closer to advice than offering a different perspective (I'm not saying that I've never stepped over the line, either). But, in truth, all I do have to offer is my experience. And, I guess you are right in saying that I do have some of that.
Cheer up. Get back to rebuilding a car or any other hobbies you really like and you’ll be fine.
Cheer up. Get back to rebuilding a car or any other hobbies you really like and you’ll be fine.
Thanks. I got back together with the local girl for a month. Predictably, she broke it off again. She said she couldn't tolerate my indifference to her. She's absolutely right. Although I wanted to do so, I felt unable to give any more than I was giving.
Right now I'm trying to get the RV ready for a week trip South of the border.
My partner is 'mostly' a Vegan... if that's possible... she will occasionally - flip and devour Lamb I've grilled as if she hasn't eaten for weeks - think it much be a hormonal or menopausal thing...