Andy's Sex Advice: For the Guys Who Prefer to be Gentlemen.

[andrewfi]

For the guys who prefer to be gentlemen than guys...

Physical intimacy is a process of increasing commitment, trust and closeness.

It might start with an air kiss to the cheek, move to touch on the shoulder or brushing off of imaginary lint. Next perhaps a grasped hand but not hand holding, followed by hand holding and probably as this goes on body language is changing with decreased personal space requirements, possibly walking arm in arm. Later will come a kiss on the lips as goodbye or hello and later if you slip each other some tongue then things are going well.

If any of these stages are rebuffed don't make a fuss, just move back to the last 'accepted' level of intimacy.

Next you will be moving toward sex. No need to over talk or think it as modern American men seem wont to do, it is just a progression from what has been going on before and with the same rules. If an advance by either party is not comfortable then move back to the previous level.

If you have been spending time wrapped up together she on your lap and both with wandering hands then sex is not far behind and here, don't do the American thing of waiting until she takes it upon herself to go and 'take a shower' - if that happens then you have been backward about coming forward.

You and she should never feel that anything has been forced.

And yes she might say you are a bad man or she may say something about you being a 'hooligan' and that's OK, but never make her feel like you forced something even if things go rapidly, but DO let her pretend to blame you for YOUR forwardness - that's all part of being a good man.

[Barbossa]

For the guys who prefer to be gentlemen than guys...

Physical intimacy is a process of increasing commitment, trust and closeness.

It might start with an air kiss to the cheek, move to touch on the shoulder or brushing off of imaginary lint. Next perhaps a grasped hand but not hand holding, followed by hand holding and probably as this goes on body language is changing with decreased personal space requirements, possibly walking arm in arm. Later will come a kiss on the lips as goodbye or hello and later if you slip each other some tongue then things are going well.

If any of these stages are rebuffed don't make a fuss, just move back to the last 'accepted' level of intimacy.

Next you will be moving toward sex. No need to over talk or think it as modern American men seem wont to do, it is just a progression from what has been going on before and with the same rules. If an advance by either party is not comfortable then move back to the previous level.

If you have been spending time wrapped up together she on your lap and both with wandering hands then sex is not far behind and here, don't do the American thing of waiting until she takes it upon herself to go and 'take a shower' - if that happens then you have been backward about coming forward.

You and she should never feel that anything has been forced.

And yes she might say you are a bad man or she may say something about you being a 'hooligan' and that's OK, but never make her feel like you forced something even if things go rapidly, but DO let her pretend to blame you for YOUR forwardness - that's all part of being a good man.

Andy,

Am impressed with your insight.  Glad to know you have it in you. 

[andrewfi]

Barbossa, it is sad that such normal words should be seen as being insightful. Where I come from it is stuff that normally socialised teenagers know.

[Barbossa]

Barbossa, it is sad that such normal words should be seen as being insightful. Where I come from it is stuff that normally socialised teenagers know.

I won't degrade your fine soliloquy by besmirching your words.  Most young men know these things instinctively and with a touch of empathy.  But your ability to encase them in such a succinct and short monologue does you credit.

[Mikeav8r]

For the guys who prefer to be gentlemen than guys...

Physical intimacy is a process of increasing commitment, trust and closeness.

It might start with an air kiss to the cheek, move to touch on the shoulder or brushing off of imaginary lint. Next perhaps a grasped hand but not hand holding, followed by hand holding and probably as this goes on body language is changing with decreased personal space requirements, possibly walking arm in arm. Later will come a kiss on the lips as goodbye or hello and later if you slip each other some tongue then things are going well.

If any of these stages are rebuffed don't make a fuss, just move back to the last 'accepted' level of intimacy.

Next you will be moving toward sex. No need to over talk or think it as modern American men seem wont to do, it is just a progression from what has been going on before and with the same rules. If an advance by either party is not comfortable then move back to the previous level.

If you have been spending time wrapped up together she on your lap and both with wandering hands then sex is not far behind and here, don't do the American thing of waiting until she takes it upon herself to go and 'take a shower' - if that happens then you have been backward about coming forward.

You and she should never feel that anything has been forced.

And yes she might say you are a bad man or she may say something about you being a 'hooligan' and that's OK, but never make her feel like you forced something even if things go rapidly, but DO let her pretend to blame you for YOUR forwardness - that's all part of being a good man.

It is possible (and easy) to be both...just have to know when and where...the rest is common sense and should be well known to any man over the age of 16 <shrug>

[andrewfi]

A shame that either guys here forget or never knew this stuff.

[Larry]

I immediately thought of this discussion when I read the following excerpt from a New York Times article by my favorite economics blogger, Tyler Cowen:

Your smartphone will record data on your life and, when asked, will tell you what to do, drawing on data from your home or from your spouse and friends if need be...

Take your smartphone on a date, and it might vibrate in your pocket to indicate “Kiss her now.” If you hesitate for fear of being seen as pushy, it may write: “Who cares if you look bad? You are sampling optimally in the quest for a lifetime companion.”

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/31/who-will-prosper-in-the-new-world/?_r=0

hat tip: http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2013/09/who-will-prosper-in-the-new-world.html

Maybe there's techno help in the offing for guys with Aspergers.

[Justmd]

After reading this post I felt the need to wash my hands.

[TomT]

...the rest is common sense and should be well known to any man over the age of 16 <shrug>

Perhaps not...

[Justmd]

A shame that either guys here forget or never knew this stuff.

Knew what...what stuff? Clue me in.

[welder]

A shame that either guys here forget or never knew this stuff.

Knew what...what stuff? Clue me in.

From the above can we assume you are clueless?

[Justmd]

A shame that either guys here forget or never knew this stuff.

Knew what...what stuff? Clue me in.

From the above can we assume you are clueless?

Really...then from the above you are just as clueless!

Who is WE?

[TomT]

Bloody hell! 

[Justmd]

Bloody hell...are you a Brit?

So lets keep this going.

[Justmd]

To be honest...and I call you all out to be honest,you are all old men who have issues me because I meet one lady.
You know this to be true.

 

[Justmd]

Welder...never got your age?

[Muzh_1]

After reading this post I felt the need to wash my hands.

Eewwww. Gross. 

[doc holiday]

For the guys who prefer to be gentlemen than guys...

Physical intimacy is a process of increasing commitment, trust and closeness.

It might start with an air kiss to the cheek, move to touch on the shoulder or brushing off of imaginary lint. Next perhaps a grasped hand but not hand holding, followed by hand holding and probably as this goes on body language is changing with decreased personal space requirements, possibly walking arm in arm. Later will come a kiss on the lips as goodbye or hello and later if you slip each other some tongue then things are going well.

If any of these stages are rebuffed don't make a fuss, just move back to the last 'accepted' level of intimacy.

Next you will be moving toward sex. No need to over talk or think it as modern American men seem wont to do, it is just a progression from what has been going on before and with the same rules. If an advance by either party is not comfortable then move back to the previous level.

If you have been spending time wrapped up together she on your lap and both with wandering hands then sex is not far behind and here, don't do the American thing of waiting until she takes it upon herself to go and 'take a shower' - if that happens then you have been backward about coming forward.

You and she should never feel that anything has been forced.

And yes she might say you are a bad man or she may say something about you being a 'hooligan' and that's OK, but never make her feel like you forced something even if things go rapidly, but DO let her pretend to blame you for YOUR forwardness - that's all part of being a good man.

Well said.  This does seem somewhat inconsistent with your prior advice to Ward noting that he should assume that his guest will want to share his bed even on the first night she meets him.  Perhaps I misinterpreted that line of commentary.

[Anteros]

An air kiss to the cheek?  Brushing imaginary lint off of her shoulder?

I don't think I've seen stuff this corny since watching a Weird Al Yankovich video...

Guys who sponsor women perhaps should not give romantic advice.   

[Muzh_1]

An air kiss to the cheek?  Brushing imaginary lint off of her shoulder?

I don't think I've seen stuff this corny since watching a Weird Al Yankovich video...

Guys who sponsor women perhaps should not give romantic advice.   

You should get out of the basement more often. 

[andrewfi]

Nope the point stands, you see everything above was about progression. Progression can be slow or fast.

If a woman invited me to vacation with her at her home and with her in hotels then my assumption would be that we'd be sleeping together, especially if there were no signals from either party to the contrary during the extended conversations that Ward said were happening.

If when they met at the airport and sniffed each others arses and there was no chemistry then they'd likely both know it within a minute and the progression if it occurred at all would be slow.

To a small degree this might be conditioned by being accustomed to living in places where people live in smaller homes where there is not a plethora of bedrooms. If I did not want to sleep with somebody who invited me then I'd make it clear or I'd not make the visit.

======================
Ant, to whom do you refer about the 'sponsorship' thing? I don't recall seeing anyone who has told us they sponsor women posting in this thread. However the chances are that such a person would have vastly more experience of dealing with women than yourself.

You are the kind of person to whom my original post was aimed. If you are NOT aware of this stuff then you, my friend, are severely handicapped.
If you ever wonder how a fat old guy finds himself without a shortage of attractive women with whom to spend time you really SHOULD be learning from him.

[Anteros]

An air kiss to the cheek?  Brushing imaginary lint off of her shoulder?

I don't think I've seen stuff this corny since watching a Weird Al Yankovich video...

Guys who sponsor women perhaps should not give romantic advice.   

You should get out of the basement more often. 

You should do your fuggin job and stop posting on the taxpayers dime.   

[Anteros]

MODERATOR COMMENT

Post deleted.  Do NOT make personal insults.

You are returning to old habits which lead to post pre-approval.

[andrewfi]

Anteros, where you come from are you expected to be able to read when you leave school, or are you still there?

You made a claim about some person, now you say you were referring to me. Well, sadly for you you are wrong. Call me lucky, or more accurately, a normally socialised man.

As I wrote elsewhere I wrote thataround 25 years ago I spent some time doing some preliminary research with regard to working in the US. I did not stay because I realized I was better off in the UK, wages and conditions for the kind of work I did back then were better in the UK than the US. Since then I have turned down several offers of work in North America.

Unlike you obviously, I have never had difficulty with women and thus I understand that when you try to take a shot as you did that the chances are that YOU do because otherwise it'd not occur to you to write as you did.

One thought to bear in mind, typically a sponsorship arrangement involves more than money and is often part of one's social life. It behooves those in such arrangements to treat their partners well, with consideration and with respect.

[Muzh_1]

An air kiss to the cheek?  Brushing imaginary lint off of her shoulder?

I don't think I've seen stuff this corny since watching a Weird Al Yankovich video...

Guys who sponsor women perhaps should not give romantic advice.   

You should get out of the basement more often. 

You should do your fuggin job and stop posting on the taxpayers dime.   

Oh, but I am.

At the moment I'm reviewing the mechanisms of CO2 uptake in microalgae as applications for flue gas mitigation and biofuel generation in addition to the ionic liquid extraction of algal lipid oil for biodiesel production.

Not bad for a short timer, eh?

How about you?