Russian, Ukrainian & FSU Information & Manosphere Discussion Forums
Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU => Married Chat => Topic started by: Rob7 on July 20, 2016, 04:17:59 PM
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I wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?
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I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.
Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.
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I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.
Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.
Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?
And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.
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I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.
Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.
Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?
And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.
Welcome to RUA.
Let's read the entire story. Or at least tease us with more details.
NB: Hopefully not Wuthering Heights
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"Porky Pies" been a long time since I heard that one. But you are spot on. A lot of peculiar lying bafoons in this game.
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I wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?
Is she a Muslim?
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Uggghhhh, why would anyone marry a person who was so unreliable, so untrustworthy that she'd divorce a man she claimed she still loved?
This is not a mother thing. This is a bloke not understanding how to have a relationship thing.
Rob, your relationship is over. If you are telling something like the truth, there was no relationship.
Negotiate your exit from a poisonous situation as best you can. I am guessing that you are not a wealthy man. The cost to you of a negotiated exit will not be high.
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Life in the West is not a bed of roses! Many women still believe it is and thats why lots are still registering at FSU dating sites, hoping for something better.
Truth is unless you have a reasonable income and can support yourself to a reasonable standard of living you have not a lot to offer say a Russian women. She may relocate to another country and after time realise life was better in Russia..I have heard and seen this story many times. Of course it can take some time before the women realises she doesn't want to become a slave to the system working non stop, running a house and the usual life style of a model Western women.
I know of two Ukrainian women back in my home town in the UK who left their husbands and returned to Ukraine , life wasn't how they expected..And it usually isn't if the guy doesn't have to much cash..
Lifes a bitch.. morel of the story make more cash :)
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Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.
Sorry Rob, but its highly likely you are not being truthful with yourself here - if your relationship hinged on the opinion of your wife's mother I doubt you had much to lose in the first place.
If the lady wants out its your responsibility to make sure that it happens as smoothly as possible - if you are going to lose a percentage of not much it should be a situtation that you will be able to recover from in short order!!! Good luck anyway!!!
And to answer the OP question - I doubt it is common - you just met the wrong women mate!!!
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Without Rob filling in details and engaging we can only speculate. A guess Andrew is correct in his assumptions. Hopefully we will learn more, it might help the OP in a form of learning.
The thread I think is a warning to some who do not understand relationships.
Perhaps the mother in law saw the squalor and treatment of her daughter and demanded change.
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You can ask the author of the theme post a photo of living conditions? I know that in contrast to the former Soviet republics, many of the young men live in rented apartments. Out of the apartment ownership!
And what about the gap, so now is the time is. No value for family values. Now hardly anyone gets married for life. However, this has its own charm. The Russian guest common form of marriage. And that suits all! Young people are not committed to the official registration of marriage. A little after living and get to know each other, then go down the aisle. Why take the time to draw a relationship? After 2 times of meetings? So what if mother here?
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Without Rob filling in details and engaging we can only speculate. A guess Andrew is correct in his assumptions. Hopefully we will learn more, it might help the OP in a form of learning.
The thread I think is a warning to some who do not understand relationships.
Perhaps the mother in law saw the squalor and treatment of her daughter and demanded change.
I suggest that, a daughter will only listen to her mother, and do as mother tells her, ONLY when she wants to.. :coffeeread:
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You can ask the author of the theme post a photo of living conditions? I know that in contrast to the former Soviet republics, many of the young men live in rented apartments. Out of the apartment ownership!
And what about the gap, so now is the time is. No value for family values. Now hardly anyone gets married for life. However, this has its own charm. The Russian guest common form of marriage. And that suits all! Young people are not committed to the official registration of marriage. A little after living and get to know each other, then go down the aisle. Why take the time to draw a relationship? After 2 times of meetings? So what if mother here?
Words of wisdom... tiphat
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I wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?
Is she a Muslim?
A man could easily lose his head divorcing a Muslim.. :snivel:
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Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?
We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.
With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.
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Is she a Muslim?
A man could easily lose his head divorcing a Muslim.. :snivel:
Considering some only think with there little head that might not be such a bad thing.
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Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?
We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.
With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.
It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...
mmmmm... :o
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It seems that the OP's location is Helsinki...
mmmmm... :o
Rob it would be good form and karma in you engaged further with RUA.
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I have never heard such a thing in my life! I have heard of many stories about guys telling lots of porky pies about their finances and when the truth comes out the women gets tired of living in a hovel she wants out.
Can you blame her? Leaving her home, family and friends for a life in strange country with a guy who made lots of false promises.
Yes , I understand that it can be hard to leave their friends and family. But she was aware of my situation , I was not lying that I was super rich. And she had visited my country twice before she decided to move here. And she seemed to have had problems before she married me , I mean why divorce a man she still loves ?
And our relationship became really bad after her mother had come to visit last summer. Before , we had good relationship only small arguments sometimes solved by talking.
Welcome to RUA.
Let's read the entire story. Or at least tease us with more details.
NB: Hopefully not Wuthering Heights
Well it's a long story I might have to take the whole story from the beginning. In 2007 she met her ex husband and in 2008 she married him their relationship was good in the beginning , he worked as a cook and she studied they lived in the same apartment as his mother vilet is very common in Russia. But then they began to quarrel , and he stopped to work and just sat at home and played computer games all day . The situation worsened when he said that her mother should sell her apartment because she does not need such a large apartment when it's just two people who live there why he said so I do not know.
She moved out from him sometime in July 2009. Then she moved back to her mother who did not want her back but they agreed that she can stay there if she pays 30 euros a month to her.
She later began arguing with her mother and her mother threatens to throw her out on the street.
I met her on a Russian dating site in September 2009, she was still married but she filed a divorce application the same month. I was of course not aware that she was still married when we started to communicate.
In December, she separated from her ex husband I was a bit surprised and did not know what I would say she had been married in the three months we had communicated . But I was so tired of dating women in my country who never led to anything so I decided to continue.
I sent her plane tickets and we met in March 2010 for the first time . I'm meeting a very thin woman at the airport and I asked why she is so skinny she said she did not have money for food. But I guess it was because the mother took much of her salary . But I knew , of course, not all the details of her situation when we met.
Will write more later
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I wonder how common is it that Russian mothers force their daughters to divorce if the spouse is not rich enough? I have come to such an unfortunate situation that I have to undergo a divorce because her Russian mother forces her to do divorce when I am not rich enough . My wife was married to a Russian man former me and she said she was still in love with him when she did divorce him , which sounds very strange in my ears. Can someone explain this to me ? Why Russian women have to do everything their mothers say ?
Is she a Muslim?
No she is not a Muslim.
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Annushka, Some good questions. My take Rob has naive romantic notions not the best thing to hold to when dealing with women, and in particular those from the former Soviet Union. I wonder were there any children involved?
We do not now ages or the actual living conditions. Bear in mind a fixer upper in lower Fairfield County can be worth over a million dollars and in the Ozark's maybe ten thousand if it has a working outhouse. The same holds true for say Detroit and Manhattan.
With a bit of luck the OP will fill in details.
Yes we have a child .
and it makes this situation even more unfortunate. But I have seized my child's passport to prevent her to take the child to Russia.
I talked to a lawyer and he said that this was the right thing to do because chances are that I may never see my child again if she goes to Russia. Many Finnish men have lost their children in this horrible way . So remember to never let your Russian wife to take care of the child's passport.
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A duplicate passport is easily obtained from the embassy.
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OK, if you don't trust the woman enough to allow her to have the child's passport then you know the relationship is over.
Don't think of anything else, harbour no fantasies.
If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police not messing about here.
Get a piece of paper and start making notes. Don't be emotional driven, use your brain and consider the issues you face.
If you are concerned about a serious criminal matter then you should make sure the police are aware. You need to move your wife out of the home and make sure that you are the guardian of the child.
If my recollection is correct the Finnish authorities regard a FInnish child born to a Russian mother as being, by default, under the guardianship of the Finnish parent, that means that the border security will stop the child from leaving the country. Of course there's easy enough ways for a determined person to avoid this issue - but that's why you need to take action now.
When you have sorted yourself out get some help, speak with a counsellor, learn how relationships work.
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If you think that flight to Russia with your child is a possibility then you should be on the phone to the police
To say what? "The mother of my child in which we share legal parental responsibility, plans to take our kid, a Russian national, who has dual nationality (Finnish we presume and Russian entitlement by default) to Russia"?
I doubt they will bat an eyelid. It's a civil matter, no?
Even with a complaint on the Finnish system (if they took it seriously), a bus/internal EU flight to Riga (for example) means an easy connection to Russia (via Kaliningrad is one way). Or easier still, a bus to the Russian border with Finland and walk across (depending if they took him seriously). Either way, she has many ways out of Finland if she wants with the kid. If she tells the Russian embassy her "abusive" Finnish husband has stolen the kids passport and she wants to go home, they will have her an emergency passport within 24 hours.
No. The way to deal with this is with calm conversation and diplomacy. Not by threats and withholding passports. The bloke has to stay calm and reason with her. As we know, once the kid is in Russia - if a citizen - he/she won't be coming back if that is her wish. The thought of this will make any bloke climb the walls in anguish. But losing your rag and becoming militant is the last thing to do. It will simply give her ammo.
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This is not the first time in Finland that such an issue has arisen. That is why I wrote as I did. Finland is not the USA or UK.
His relationship is over. Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do. If he does nothing then there is nothing that can be done to protect him.
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Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do.
There are two sides to the story though.
Does she and her child not equally deserve the protection of their state?
A bloke I know did the "my kids won't have a Russian passport" shouty thing (against my advice). She called the embassy who told her they dont need his permission to give the kids Russian citizenship under the new rules as one parent is a Russian national and it is a given. When told that, he calmed down, and they are still (just) together. He wound his neck in and made a half-arsed effort to save the relationship. His kids are still in the UK.
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and it makes this situation even more unfortunate. But I have seized my child's passport to prevent her to take the child to Russia.
I talked to a lawyer and he said that this was the right thing to do because chances are that I may never see my child again if she goes to Russia. Many Finnish men have lost their children in this horrible way . So remember to never let your Russian wife to take care of the child's passport.
Americans who are reading this should be aware that this would be criminal in the United States. Here, only the courts have the right to withhold a passport to prevent flight.
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Rob
If a FSU women truly loves you she will go through hell to stick with you
She will only leave once she has determined ''you ''are not to be trusted /respected and in her mind the relationship cannot be saved ime
Think about what it is that may have caused her to reach those conclusions mate
SX
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Rob,
The best advice that anyone can give you is for you both to seek counselling and see if your marriage can be saved, if this fails, then both of you should engage lawyers...
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Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.
Finland is not the same as the UK or USA. This is not the first time such concerns have been raised and not the first time Finnish parents have been concerned about losing their children.
Oh, hopeful dreamers (losers) once trust has gone from a relationship such that a genuine concern is that the kids might be kidnapped do you REALLY think a bit of talking therapy is going to make roses bloom, kittens play with puppies and non existent love be kindled from nothingness?
Be sensible, employ the little grey cells please.
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Hi Rob,
If you think the story starts with the gaming flat head, then you've got problems. You entered a messy relationship and it reads like a train wreck. This is down to your relationship with your wife and nothing else, not the mother in law and certainly not the chef.
With regards to your original question - no, Russian women don't do everything their mothers say. My wife certainly doesn't. It sounds like your relationship is broken and this is a fabricated story to justify a way out. Unless you're living on the streets, a solid relationship would endure a bit of hardship.
Just my opinion here but I can't for the life of me understand why any grown man would manoeuvre themselves into such a mess? At what point did it sound like a good idea to get involved in such a drama?
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Rob,
The best advice that anyone can give you is for you both to seek counselling and see if your marriage can be saved, if this fails, then both of you should engage lawyers...
Do you mean like on the Jeramy Kyle show?
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq6W9je0X7mYG48Wu6BfLeA
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Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.
If she gets to neighbouring Russia, and they are both Russian citizens, Russian law prevails and the Finnish nationality is disregarded.
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Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do.
There are two sides to the story though.
Does she and her child not equally deserve the protection of their state?
A bloke I know did the "my kids won't have a Russian passport" shouty thing (against my advice). She called the embassy who told her they dont need his permission to give the kids Russian citizenship under the new rules as one parent is a Russian national and it is a given. When told that, he calmed down, and they are still (just) together. He wound his neck in and made a half-arsed effort to save the relationship. His kids are still in the UK.
My wife once said to me that she 'd probably had died of malnutrition if she had not met me, no one would help her there not her mother and not her sister. In Russia there is no help for those who are without money and you can not even trust your own relatives . So I will take the necessary measures to prevent the child to go to Russia because my wifes mother and sister are completely mad dash . They will do anything for money
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Making sure that he receives the support of his state is the sensible thing to do.
There are two sides to the story though.
Does she and her child not equally deserve the protection of their state?
A bloke I know did the "my kids won't have a Russian passport" shouty thing (against my advice). She called the embassy who told her they dont need his permission to give the kids Russian citizenship under the new rules as one parent is a Russian national and it is a given. When told that, he calmed down, and they are still (just) together. He wound his neck in and made a half-arsed effort to save the relationship. His kids are still in the UK.
My wife once said to me that she 'd probably had died of malnutrition if she had not met me, no one would help her there not her mother and not her sister. In Russia there is no help for those who are without money and you can not even trust your own relatives . So I will take the necessary measures to prevent the child to go to Russia because my wifes mother and sister are completely mad dash . They will do anything for money
Is it your child??
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Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.
If she gets to neighbouring Russia, and they are both Russian citizens, Russian law prevails and the Finnish nationality is disregarded.
So, now you understand why he needs to take action now, yes?
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My wife once said to me that she 'd probably had died of malnutrition if she had not met me, no one would help her there not her mother and not her sister. In Russia there is no help for those who are without money and you can not even trust your own relatives . So I will take the necessary measures to prevent the child to go to Russia because my wifes mother and sister are completely mad dash . They will do anything for money
There are usually two sides to each story.
But if the picture you paint is true than it should be possible to obtain sole custody with some cash.
I am not suggesting that you should deprive the child of contact from the mother but rather you are the primary care giver.
My own personal opinion your 'wife' sounds highly dysfunctional, but usually likes attract. I would seek some counseling. It can not hurt.
Is the child issue from your marriage?
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Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.
If she gets to neighbouring Russia, and they are both Russian citizens, Russian law prevails and the Finnish nationality is disregarded.
So, now you understand why he needs to take action now, yes?
The action he needs to take is conversation.
She can flee to Russia anytime she wants. With or without him. Plenty of girl forums in Russian will show her how.
Talk is cheaper than lawyers.
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Manny, the family is in Finland. Finnish Law and practice prevails.
If she gets to neighbouring Russia, and they are both Russian citizens, Russian law prevails and the Finnish nationality is disregarded.
So, now you understand why he needs to take action now, yes?
The action he needs to take is conversation.
She can flee to Russia anytime she wants. With or without him. Plenty of girl forums in Russian will show her how.
Talk is cheaper than lawyers.
While I concur with Andy this relationship is over. Manny is saying you can still maintain dialogue. I would not build any walls and try to stay positive and in contact with/towards the mother.
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Hi Rob,
If you think the story starts with the gaming flat head, then you've got problems. You entered a messy relationship and it reads like a train wreck. This is down to your relationship with your wife and nothing else, not the mother in law and certainly not the chef.
With regards to your original question - no, Russian women don't do everything their mothers say. My wife certainly doesn't. It sounds like your relationship is broken and this is a fabricated story to justify a way out. Unless you're living on the streets, a solid relationship would endure a bit of hardship.
Just my opinion here but I can't for the life of me understand why any grown man would manoeuvre themselves into such a mess? At what point did it sound like a good idea to get involved in such a drama?
I have never wanted drama in my life. But I had no choice but to try women from other countries because we have this uber feminism thing going on in our country; and it is almost impossible to find any woman who is not extreme feminist or take drugs .
First I thought of women from Thailand but it will be very long and expensive trips there . So then I tried with russian women instead and I was very happy that at least they did not smoke cannabis or had some strange feminist ideas . So I can not complain , I at least got more experience than I would have if I would have continued dating Finnish women. But I did not think it would end like this , I just wanted a normal relationship that's all
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Hmmm... Manny, Finland is not like the UK.
You might have asked me 'why tell the police'? Had you done so I'd have told you about how doing so starts a process that makes sure that, even with a passport, the mother can not easily take the child across the border to Russia. Sure there's ways for a mother to avoid the need for a passport or identity checks, but then anything can be attained by a person sufficiently motivated.
The Finns have a history of being rather proactive in cases of attempted, and real, child abductions across to Russia. In part, as a response to these issues Russia has now set up child custody courts and taken up the Hague Convention on Abduction. See the Rantala and Salonen cases in Finland.
Informing the police of one's concerns does not end discussions or negotiations, more likely it focuses them and brings them to a more realistic level. My guess is that the police will have a chat with our hero, the kid's name and ID info will go onto a register and Rob will be told to not be such a worrywart and to sort out his marriage issues.
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Rob, I was only a few years in Finland, however I very much liked that women and men had equality in pretty much every aspect of life. I certainly did not ever find that equality caused any problems in building relationships. Indeed, for a man with social skills, Finnish women are great.
If you are seeking out some kind of subservient relationship with some foreign woman then you will fail and deserve to do so.
I was not joking when I suggested getting some kind of therapy to assist you in learning how to initiate and manage relationships. Your problem is, at root, a man in mirror problem, not a problem with any other person.
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I noticed that most of the people here are talking about a troublesome relationship of Roby and for some reason the life and future of the child is not been discussed. My understanding is that the child it's his and that he married a very desperate woman, looking for an escape of very nonsupporting family back in Russia. Not a good basis for a good relationship.
The information we have is one sided and very limited so nobody can make an accurate judgement and offer suggestions.
What is important is we focus our attention to the child’s predicament.
Can we ask Rob7 to give more information about their life, relationship and whatever he thinks is appropriate, so we can try and understand more clearly the situation.
I agree with Manny that they must start talking……and maybe they will find a reasonable solution.
I was divorced from my ex-English wife, with whom we had 2 sons, back in 1981. When we realised our relationship was over, we had a serious talk and agreed in everything. She had some reservations of me taking the kids on Holiday to Greece, because the law does not permit a wife to take her children out of the country without the written permission of the father. That was quickly resolved, when I remind her of my stupid mistake, not to give her my written permission to fly back to the UK, to give birth to our second son, which cost us another ticket, as she was stopped at the Athens airport. After my first holiday with my sons in Corfu…. Everything has worked fine and we have been with my sons in many other places and my-ex knew that I would never try to take my sons away from her, without her knowledge and agreement.
The final result is that I never had a problem from her, visiting my sons, or them coming and staying with me during the Christmas period and we are still very good friends and talk and meet frequently. Most importantly our sons never had any psychological problems. When I introduced her to my current Russian wife, she made her feel very comfortable and they become very friendly. Family Christmas, christenings etc, we are all together.
I hope this info can help Rob to find an amicable solution for the sake of the child.
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Rob, as is the situation with Wiz I also have followed the same path. Try to maintain a dialogue with the mother. It makes for less stress and healthy (more or less) a child as he/she matures.
As has been suggested find counseling, if funds are a problem perhaps via the church.
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Hmmm... Manny, Finland is not like the UK.
You might have asked me 'why tell the police'? Had you done so I'd have told you about how doing so starts a process that makes sure that, even with a passport, the mother can not easily take the child across the border to Russia. Sure there's ways for a mother to avoid the need for a passport or identity checks, but then anything can be attained by a person sufficiently motivated.
The Finns have a history of being rather proactive in cases of attempted, and real, child abductions across to Russia. In part, as a response to these issues Russia has now set up child custody courts and taken up the Hague Convention on Abduction. See the Rantala and Salonen cases in Finland.
Informing the police of one's concerns does not end discussions or negotiations, more likely it focuses them and brings them to a more realistic level. My guess is that the police will have a chat with our hero, the kid's name and ID info will go onto a register and Rob will be told to not be such a worrywart and to sort out his marriage issues.
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Rob, I was only a few years in Finland, however I very much liked that women and men had equality in pretty much every aspect of life. I certainly did not ever find that equality caused any problems in building relationships. Indeed, for a man with social skills, Finnish women are great.
If you are seeking out some kind of subservient relationship with some foreign woman then you will fail and deserve to do so.
I was not joking when I suggested getting some kind of therapy to assist you in learning how to initiate and manage relationships. Your problem is, at root, a man in mirror problem, not a problem with any other person.
We were in relationship therapy. And he said the only thing that could save our relationship, is if she completely breaks contact with her mother , but she was not willing to do so . I also heard about a Russian woman whose mother had treated her so badly that she broke contact with her when she moved to Italy but this is very rare.