Why do Western guys send money to FSUW they hardly know?

[Bruce Lee]

There is a big difference, IMHO, between paying money to enable a jointly held goal to be attained and paying for a sick water buffalo.

If we plan to meet and the easiest best way is for me to send a woman some money to let her get tickets then that makes a whole heap of sense.

If I send a woman money to help her sick granny in hospital then that makes a whole heap less sense. Chances of the granny of some unmet bint being sick and in need of money to pay for hospital treatment are a bit slim and for sure it ain't our responsibility to pay for anything.

However the 'water buffalo' thing is somewhat insidious.
Yeah, I know that water buffalo are not common in Russia, but hang on, there's a point.

For many years men, often from the USA, have been visiting Thailand and falling in love with angels, perfect women, innocents all - and most of them happen to work in bars in Bangkok and coastal resorts where they trade time for money with foreign blokes (farangs).

Often these guys want to marry these women and the women are happy to have men (preferably more than one) who want to marry them.

The guys often want to get the women out of their employment and pay them money, ostensibly to enable them to retire and sit on their fat arses and wait for their man to return.

Many of these girls come from the Issan province in northern Thailand - I don't understand why the guys do it, most of these girls, women are not very attractive but they are often skinny and small - maybe that explains the American fascination - dunno.

Anyway, what quite often happens, frequently enough for it to be something of a cliche, the woman will contact her man with a tale of woe. She will tell that the family water buffalo is ill and needs expensive treatment if it is to survive, sometimes it dies and needs replacement. In this region the water buffalo is a very important asset and its loss can reduce an extended family to poverty and the bar girls are often the most important revenue asset of that family.

So, the girl will look to her man (men) to provide the treatment or replacement of the water buffalo. The man because he cares for and loves his tiny, funny faced angel sends money which in most cases is spent on ya ba (amphetamine) and the local boyfriend with only a small part making the trip up north to pay for upgrading the family home.

Now, the thing is that this happens to guys with their Russian darlings. It used to be that granny would get run over by a car or have a heart attack and need expensive care. Sometimes it is repair work on the apartment  - or maybe new white goods to replace nasty old Minsk brand fridges and the like.
Sometimes it is even the bloke getting involved in paying for renovations for a dacha - he often is inveigled into seeing the property as being some kind of shared ownership with him.

All of us who have been watching this stuff for a while have seen all of these things.
Many of us who have been around for a while have laid out money for these things.
All of us, at some time or another, have thought we were some kind of exception that proves some kind of a rule - but we weren't!

But in the end, we need to make individual choices. The bloke who thinks helping a women who thinks is going to be his wife to remont the family dacha MIGHT be investing in his own future but he probably isn't. But as long as he accepts the outcomes (good or bad) and does not try to convince others to go down his path then there is no harm and just possibly some good.

In the end, sometimes we need to spend money in order to know what is happening be it good or bad but always remember this: these women were there before you were there. These women will be there after you are gone. They managed and will manage without you. They do not NEED you to do the stuff that you will often do and thus you should, until you are married and sharing life, resources and a future, hold back on supporting your little darling - you do not help yourself by doing so.

Good post Andrew

An extreme example below

"I love you and I miss you too much. I have problem. I tell you before that buffalo me sick. Now it die. Fall down dead in middle of rice field. Bad fortune, when it fall, it land on papa and break his leg in three places. Now he cannot work. Brother me make stretcher from bamboo she take from roof of house. Then roof collapse and rain get in house. He take papa to hospital on motorcycle. He have accident coming home. Run into police car. Brother me to blame. Police say he has to pay big money. Motorcycle OK. Police car kaput. Now gives Mama have heart problem. Doctor say she need triple by-pass. I not understand what is. He say you understand.

Up to now I only work in bar and not go with man. I wait for you come back Pattaya. If you will not help me I have to go with many many many more farang to pay bills.

The old people in my village think that it is all your fault. If you had send me money to buy medicine for sick buffalo when I ask you, then it not die. Papa not break leg, house still have roof, brother not ride into police car and Mama not have heart problem.

Please send me 200,000 baht for my bank. Papa fix 10,000 new roof 30,000, new police car 100,000, mama fix 50,000. I take off 2,000 baht for sell buffalo meat but have to pay more hospital bill for 24 people have problem eat contaminated meat 12,000 baht. I not know money Finland but my friend me say it about 73.598755 baht approximately. This means you send me 6,000 pound."

An interesting phenomenon occurs when Russian words are filtered through a basic online translator, what sounds unbelievable and laughable above suddenly becomes believable (to some) when your former Soviet union princess starts sobbing about needing a little more love and money in her life! But of course FSUW are beautiful sweet, homely marriage minded goddesses and Thai women are not - if only life was that simple?

Furthermore its way to simple to just say all those that accept money are bad as I firmly believe that some ladies that take money sometimes will do it simply because the guy is so nice and so gullible it would almost be a crime not to take the money when it comes, even to the point they don't want to hurt his feelings.

The standard veiled fishing for an extra supplement sounds a bit like this:

"Normally there's lots of mentions of how much better her life is now you are a part of it and how glad she choose you above everybody else but......wait......her heart is sobbing and child crying and can't sleep because there's a problem.

The nights alone (without you) she can only think of you and the moment you will be together but.......wait.......there is something that will make the long cold nights without you bearable (I bet you'll never guess what that is)

Also she cannot communicate with you and needs English lessons, these need to be paid for of course (amusingly 3 months down the line you will still get machine translated letters, sounds odd? But, how could it be possible that your angelic little princess is lying? There must be another reason!!)

Insert a few more sweet words and barely readable babbling BS and you have got your basis for the standard FSUW's "stealth" money request letter"

But of course the letter will sound clunky (because its been badly translated) but that just adds to the charm doesn't it? How could somebody who writes such innocent and basic letters be trying to con you, how could it be possible?

[Bruce Lee]

Insert a few more sweet words and barely readable babbling BS and you have got your basis for the standard FSUW's "stealth" money request letter"

By stealth, I mean it will feel like it was your idea to send the money!

[andrewfi]

Hey Bruce, the water buffalo letter you shared - I think it was a clever spoof. A training tool if you will.

Everything in it is real, but not maybe all at once.

For some reason the Finns seem to be heavily into Thai girls but god they seem to go for the runts of the litter. Go to a supermarket outside of Keha III and you'll see a giant Finnish bloke in a check shirt and nasty leather jacket squiring his tiny Thai totty on their weekly shop.

[Bruce Lee]

Hey Bruce, the water buffalo letter you shared - I think it was a clever spoof. A training tool if you will.

Everything in it is real, but not maybe all at once.

Hi Andrew, yep it made me chuckle when I saw it last year

However, in fairness I'm yet to read a money request letter here that doesn't sound ridiculous and transparent!

[andrewfi]

However, in fairness I'm yet to read a money request letter here that doesn't sound ridiculous and transparent!

I think that is a part of the problem.
If we get too close to a situation, too emotionally invested in a desired outcome, then it becomes very hard indeed to see what is jaw droppingly obvious to those around us.
- Been there, done that and the Tshirt is in the wash.

It is not about being a stupid person, it is about normal, lonely people doing stupid things.

So, yes we see correspondence that is obviously designed to manipulate the receiver but only time will tell the receiver what was going on.

[Bruce Lee]

However, in fairness I'm yet to read a money request letter here that doesn't sound ridiculous and transparent!

I think that is a part of the problem.
If we get too close to a situation, too emotionally invested in a desired outcome, then it becomes very hard indeed to see what is jaw droppingly obvious to those around us.
- Been there, done that and the Tshirt is in the wash.

It is not about being a stupid person, it is about normal, lonely people doing stupid things.

So, yes we see correspondence that is obviously designed to manipulate the receiver but only time will tell the receiver what was going on.

Agreed, however IMHO these scenario's are perpetuated mainly by the MOB stereotypes and the notion that some guys expect to get more than their own personal league should dictate, I would suggest an evenly balanced relationship is less likely to suffer the same problems.

[andrewfi]

Hey You! Stop stealing my lines!

Keep this up and folks will start hating on you too!

But yes, you are right.
People ARE encouraged to over expect in all sorts of ways but in the end people do make their own choices (and some of those choices can be pretty stupid)

If folks keep their head firmly on their shoulders and ask stuff like 'Is this normal behaviour?' then they will not go far wrong. So, if one asks oneself the question 'Is it normal for a man to pay for this XYZ thing for his girlfriend?' then one can probably quickly come to understand that buying one's girlfriend a replacement mobile phone is within the bounds of normalcy but that paying for a remont on an apartment or country home is much less so.

Also, you are right about relatively even matches - but that is exactly what one will NOT get when an old bloke goes seeking a younger wife from a relatively poorer country (or within the US/UK community).

[WestCoast]

Here's a woman on a free website that everyone seems to recommend.  She states quite openly in her profile, albeit in very poor English, that she needs and wants financial help.  Is she a cute 20 year old FSUW in need of a little financial assistance to make it through life.  Or is "she" a 300 pound hairy Boris hoping to make a lot of US dollars or euros, he doesn't care which, off of some love sick, desperate western men ?

http://www.freepersonals.ru/profile?id=416115;

[Vinnvinny]

Here's a woman on a free website that everyone seems to recommend.  She states quite openly in her profile, albeit in very poor English, that she needs and wants financial help.  Is she a cute 20 year old FSUW in need of a little financial assistance to make it through life.  Or is "she" a 300 pound hairy Boris hoping to make a lot of US dollars or euros, he doesn't care which, off of some love sick, desperate western men ?

http://www.freepersonals.ru/profile?id=416115;

Typically, Boris wouldn't state a max age of 37 because that's 90% of his market gone. I might send her $5 to help fix Harari's legs, but I need to think about it a little more first.

[NS1]

Most of us give money to charities, even through money in the boxes at stores, MacDonald's Etc.
Guess this would be the help the pretty girl fund, or wax job for hairy Boris 

[andrewfi]

Westcoast, sometimes these pop up on other sites in the FSU (isn't FRP a distillation of local profiles that indicate a willingness to consider foreign blokes?)

I HAVE helped a few people advertising in this way. Usually in small amounts and with full knowledge that it might well be a scam. Mamba.ru, for example, has a check box to report people importuning in this way so it is certain that they expect such profiles to be scammy.

However, a few months ago, on mamba I ended up, late at night, chatting to a woman who wanted a few euros to buy credit to call her mum. I paid for credit direct to her phone and got a nice message back from her. I hope she was genuine, but for sure the 'customer service' was excellent if she was a scammer.

[Bruce Lee]

Question - How do newer members feel about this topic?

Is sending money in this way somehow seen as a calculated risk like some have suggested back-thread?

How would you deal with a money request if it arrived?

[Juvenal]

Question - How do newer members feel about this topic?

1. Would you send money to Prince Koffi of the republic of Shallala in Africa to help him get his funds out of the country becuse of the instability there. He will reward you nicely for your assistance? .....
2. If you wish to send her money because of something she mentioned in her letter. The most sincere and geniune woman will find it hard not to accept your gesture, even though she has no romatic intrest in you whatsoever.
3. Woman might even loose respect for you. A lot of woman like to test men and don't like to be treated like cattle, don't try to buy them.

So from the above.. Dont ever send a woman you hardly know money. I go further and don't ever spend money on woman I don't know very well and can be reasonably assured of mutual intrest and even then it will be small things she would appreciate rather then things with large monetary value.

Is sending money in this way somehow seen as a calculated risk like some have suggested back-thread?

1. For me its just risk, no caculation needed.

How would you deal with a money request if it arrived?

1. If she request a gift (and i know to a reasonable level that her motives is sincere) of some kind, i'll call her out on it... Example
Womand: Why don't you send me any flowers
Me: Wooaah, I don't really know you very well. Why do you deserve flowers? The last woman i send flowers to was roses i "stole" from my neighbors garden to celebrate our 6month aniverary together.
2. Money Request. Delete.


Not sure how easy it is, and would like an answer from those in the know. When finaly aranging travel arrangements, how easy is it to buy the tickets and other requirements from where you are for the woman instead of sending money?



Edit: Incidentally heartbreakers is showing on tv tonight over here. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125022/'

Slumba's example of the book is actualy something I might do for anyone, not just a potentialy hot girl. Call it charity, helping to raise the world's literacy level. I'll count it as money written off though and have absoultly no expectations.

[Bruce Lee]

Just when I thought that we had heard it all, a new slant to the "why do Western guys send money" question!!

I got "Galina" e-mail address and telephone number. All seemed to go well ... We talked for hours on the phone and we exchanged countless e-mails.
I was infatuated. I decided to send this "Galina" one Mastercard.

OK - newer members - what are your thoughts on the OP question, have you considered it, been asked it or already done the deed?

[Eduard]

Just when I thought that we had heard it all, a new slant to the "why do Western guys send money" question!!

I got "Galina" e-mail address and telephone number. All seemed to go well ... We talked for hours on the phone and we exchanged countless e-mails.
I was infatuated. I decided to send this "Galina" one Mastercard.

OK - newer members - what are your thoughts on the OP question, have you considered it, been asked it or already done the deed?

Let me try... because it feels good to give?

[andrewfi]

Bruce, I liked that the guy sent 'one' Mastercard as though that was somehow more sensible than sending two.

Sending somebody a credit card seems somewhat more of an open ended commitment than sending money. As the guy said he was infatuated but as we have seen from his other posts what he did was simply an expression of the way he is: poor impulse control and unwillingness to accept responsibility for the outcomes of his choices.

[Bruce Lee]

Bruce, I liked that the guy sent 'one' Mastercard as though that was somehow more sensible than sending two.

As shocking as that was, it was even more surprising how little he lost considering his recklessness with his own funds!! Completely bonkers story!!!

[andrewfi]

Bruce, I liked that the guy sent 'one' Mastercard as though that was somehow more sensible than sending two.

As shocking as that was, it was even more surprising how little he lost considering his recklessness with his own funds!! Completely bonkers story!!!

Yes, you are right. My guess is that while he may have been stupid his penfriend was nowhere near as bad as she was painted.

This is an honesty issue. If the guy can't be honest with himself (and he isn't) how can he be honest with other people?

Even the Adate thing, he broke one of their strictest cautions yet he does not allow that the fault for his error was his. Even if one takes the view, as I do, that the primary business of Adate is not people who want to get married to foreign men and women, it seems to me that they are guilty of no wrong doing here.