Social Stigma-is it dreadful or Nonexisistant?

[DonA]

How did/do you handle dealing with family  friends, coworkers, and/or business associates about looking in the FSU for a possible mate?

Did you keep it to yourself? What  about going to the FSU for the first time. Did you tell anyone why you were going or did you just mention that it was a vacation?

Those of you engaged or married did your family, friends, coworkers, business associates readily accept your Lady or did they just blow it off and think she only wanted your Country / money /green card.

What about the snicker factor; did any rude comments come back to you in anyway? Say through a third part telling what someone said about you/your Lady behind your back?

DonAz

[DonA]

For me;

Before Yulia came here my family thought I was still in the mid life crazies. I’d been dating many ladies about the same age here in Az as Yulia. Now that I wanted to marry Yulia they wanted to know when I was growing to grow up.

After Yulia came here my family loves her. My nieces, all older then Yulia , call her Ta TA Yulia in a loving teasing way. Its all family , fun and warm!

So no problem there

Lifelong friends- before we were married thought I imported a bed mate.

Afterwards, they see the real deal, they are jokingly jealous and I break their chops. No big deal there. We’ve all been breaking each others chops since the age of 5, ever since we all met in the neighborhood sand box throwing dehydrated cat poop at one another.

They all love her and are happy for us

So not a problem.

More recent friends.. Well this one is a little different…. The guys all suck in their guts around Yulia and make nice. Their wives at first were cold and distant, made their husbands crazy about what a fool I am. Thought our relationship would be over in no time. Time passes, Yulia is still with me. The wives now have a veneer of civility.

An amazing thing has happened though. According to some of my friends, the longer Yulia is with me the fewer headaches their wives are having and a renewed interest in horizontal recreation has miraculously reappeared...Like before they were married.

Social stigma here?... hmmm.. No…. I think it may be medicinal for my friends..

Business associates: I have two kinds of business associates American and Mexican.

The Americans think that I must be filthy rich to have such a wife….. I smile… I say nothing…with them it is all business for me anyway

My Mexican associates……Well these guys they think I am …well youll see …Ill explain.

While negotiating my first land deal with these guys. Yulia and I fly down to meet them. We are going to attend a party on the night of the international soccer playoffs between Mexico and some other country that I dont remember. Huge party. Very political too, Governors ,mayors ..etc..are in attendance. I know that I need to gets these guys past the point of thinking Im a gringo shmuck who is going to pay gringo shmuck prices.

We arrive late at the party…very late in fact, which is normal in Mexico . so in we walk , all eyes look at us. Yulia is dolled up to the max, with her waist length blonde hair, incredible blue eyes, wearing platforms with high heels. Standing almost 6 feet tall. Yulia is blue flame stunning. Holding on to my arm. Every dude in the place was salivating. Every dude knows she is my wife. Tall stunning blonds are rare items in Mexico. My stock went through though the roof with the latins

The long and short of it is, prices went way down ( half in fact) respect went way up.

Social stigma? Not a lick of that with these guys.

Social stigma in conclusion, I dont know , depends on who you are and who you socialize with I think.

[Cisco]

Stigma may not be that you're marrying a FSU woman. The stigma may be more if you are going after women  out of your league.That will cause people to wonder why. Second guessing will become a local sport

[whitey_mo]

With me, there has been social stigmas.
There have been 2 kinds actually.  The first leans toward dreadful from family and friends, and the nonexistant comes from me in that I really don't give a hoot what they think!
Some people at work hassle me sometimes, just the other day this co-worker older friend lady of mine says "you going to Russia to get you a wife?".
I just say "no I think I'll go swimming with the dolphins" then I say "no I think I'll go on an Alaskan cruise"  then "no I think I'll go on an African safari".  I made the mistake of telling her that I might go to Russia a while back and she's been hassling me ever since.  I'm not going to any of those places, it would be to Ukraine or Russia first, I just want to say that to throw off my co-workers so they'll ease up hassling me about it.
And besides, when you reach my age and your single, people think your gay anyway.  Now please, nobody quote that one sentence up there and say that I only want to do it because people think I'm gay because I'm single, that would be hateful to say the least.  If I wanted to settle, I could've done that a long time ago.  At this point, I'm not settling for an unattractive lady just so people will get off my back.  I think I've waited and worked hard and I want what I want by god.
I don't care what people think about that anyway, I know my preference and its always been the ladies.  And please don't entertain that I might really be a homosexual, "not that there is anything wrong with it", as Jerry Seinfeld would say.
I have had girlfriends and relationships with women in the past.  Just not recently, and it makes some interested at my preference I have learned.
I kid my friends, I tell them, "just because I'm single and you've been with this one woman forever doesn't mean that I'm gay".  Although I do envy their relationships, they have somebody, for example, if their car breaks down or they have to go to the emergency room, they have someone to call anytime.
I realize there are people out there who like to prey on others' insecurities, so don't mis-interpret this as insecurity, I'm only trying to be funny about my situation.  I am very secure with myself and discussing this should prove my point.
But, back on topic, I would say any criticism about a relationship with a uw/rw
would go in one ear and out the other, as long as we're happy thats all that matters.

[jlogajan]

Of course everyone I know is wondering why a Russian girlfriend -- but that's about the extent of it.  In America everyone is from somewhere else anyhow -- either directly or a few generations removed.

Once someone can speak the language, everyone takes them for being American anyhow.  We're so diverse here no one can guess by looking if they've been here two weeks or two generations.

[Voyageur]

As whitey_mo wrote - it was also awful for me.  It was terrible, considering how much my wife gave up to come to the US for me, She surely did not warrant this treatment. It caused great pain to me, especially when this was coming from family members - whether it was spoken or non-spoken I could feel it.  Now, finally after all this time, everyone involved can certainly understand what I saw in her.  The ones that can't see this are out of my life.

My priorities are always my wife first.

Why is it that even seemingly informed people think of long bread lines and despair when considering what life is like in the FSU?  This "American" trait drives me crazy - how someone whom has never been on an international airplane in his/her life can have such a cock-sure idea that "the US is the best country in the world", and that life in the FSU countries was "snip".    , in their self-satisfied way these people look at a K1 marriage as a simple ticket out of hell and into paradise.

[Turboguy]

I am sorry to hear you went through that all Voyager.  Family and close friends would be the ones you would expect to be by your side.

I have not had as much experience as you have had with it but never experienced any problems so far.  When my former fiancee arrived everyone from family, my employees and friends were very enthusiastic and bent over backwards to try and make her comfortable.  We don't have as many Russians here so even when strangers met her they were captivated to hear all they could about her and life in Russia.

With my current fiancee they are all equally happy and looking forward to her arriving whatever century that happens in. 

I also have a lot of people I do business with that I have told about this and with all of them they are anxious to hear what news there is and are always asking me how things are going.   For me it has been nothing but positive so far.

[mirror]

...The long and short of it is, prices went way down ( half in fact) ...

  I hope you gave Yulia her commission.

[whitey_mo]

Commission..  hehe!
And nearly 6 feet tall..yeow!
I am several inches shorter than that.  Hey with shoes on I am 5'8"!..okay 5'7 1/2".. 

[KenC]

Of course everyone I know is wondering why a Russian girlfriend -- but that's about the extent of it.  In America everyone is from somewhere else anyhow -- either directly or a few generations removed.

Once someone can speak the language, everyone takes them for being American anyhow.  We're so diverse here no one can guess by looking if they've been here two weeks or two generations.

jlogajan,
That simply is not true.  There are all kinds of prejudices against "foreigners" in America.  My wife certainly stands out as "unusual" in her looks but when anyone hears her accent, they know for sure that she aint from around here.  I love it when people ask her where she is from?  And she answers, "San Diego!"  When some very pushy people ask "No, before you moved here", she answers, "Michigan"

Are you an American?
KenC

[Turboguy]

I have to admit that I have a bit of an advantage in that a lot of the people I am in frequent contact with either.  # 1.  Hope to inherit my business.  # 2.  Work for me, or # 3 Are trying to sell me something. 

I have to admit that even where that is not the case I have heard nothing but good.  Like my bowling league every week all the guys are always asking for updates and RW and VWRW are probably one of the most discussed topics in the league.   At a tournament two weeks ago I met one of my friends wives.  She did not remember the names of the guys but she knew me as "the one with the Russian fiancee" 

I will add that the husband of that gal says if I don't invite him to the wedding he will be so disappointed he will never speak to me again.

[DonA]

Turbo,

When I read your first Post on the subject I was thinking the same thing about the motives of the people around you. It is tuff for them to be objective when thy have $$ in their eyes. Makes ya wonder whatthy really think and what they may say behind your back. I imagine it was the same for me to some degree with some people,but now that we are an old married couple no one even blinks an eye anymore, although some young dudes will flirt with her in font of me sometimes. she gets embarrassed and I laugh. Thank God Ive never been the jealous type.

DonAz

[Turboguy]

I agree with that Don.  There was some discussions going on behind my back but they were more worried about how it might effect them directly.  They had no real objections to me getting married or to it being with a RW. 

My daughter left her husband for another guy (her current husband now) and I was the only one in her corner when it happened so she is pretty supportave in return.  My son likes women from the FSU and has no problems with anything.   My kids have both worked for me for a long time and I am sure they have thoughts of continuing the business someday.  I am not so sure if it is or is not the way things will play out but I did have a talk with them and outline things financially and it eased any concerns they have. 

I am sure I have a lot of advantages when it comes to the reaction to my life and choices but even those who are just friends are very supportive.

[Markje]

Social stigma is very large in my family, when I first mentioned I was seeing someone in St.Pete, they all thought I was getting a gold-digger who came here exclusivly for a better life and not because of myself.

After I talked alot about it, almost everyone in my family turned around except for my sister and my dad. They kept their original opinion about it, the rest said: You obviously know more than we do and we respect your experience in this matter.

My friends and my collegues at work are all fine with it. They say: whatever makes you happy is fine for us.

[Voyageur]

T/G,

The same is true now as DonAz said....now we are sort of  an old married couple now also and - no one who knows us and can plainly see that we both care for each other - seems to care about it any longer. Of course they have come to know how great my wife is also, and I have heard many times how lucky I am. 

But in the beginning, when first arrived here and needed the most support, it was difficult without any doubt.  She brought elaborate, expensive, thoughtful presents for everyone and - the effort was almost always never reciprocated.

[jlogajan]

She brought elaborate, expensive, thoughtful presents for everyone and - the effort was almost always never reciprocated.

If my RW does come here, I am going to have to ween her off any gift buying tradition.  We don't do that (very much) in our family and if she is expecting gifts in return, it just won't happen. 

[Corp]

My friends and family all know me as a very level headed, careful person .... Even if I do have a streak of adventure running through me.

On my first trip abroad, I told almost no one that my trip was more than travel, but by trip 3 it was rather obvious I was not going for the food and "unique" experience.

I would not say I am the type of person who claims;
"I don't care what other people think"
because I have friends and family that I do care ... to a certain degree what they think of me however; this only extends to areas of morality or decency. Even though I am a very independent person,
 I certainly would not want my family to think I was dishonest... a homosexual or a dead beat dad but when it comes to the issue of marriage to a Russian woman, this certainly is more of a "choice" in my view and I see no RIGHT or WRONG involved only WISE or FOOLISH.
Now I am involved with a RW and everyone in my life knows about it, I guess the worst so far has been apprehension shown or expressed but no one has been negative. To be honest, if the shoe were on the other foot.... if a friend were to tell me *he* is going to do, what I plan to do, ...I would ask a lot of questions and suggest he use a lot of caution too and in the back of my mine not give his marriage much of a shelf life.

Believe it or not, even my ex-wife, seems to wish me the best although I am sure she has made a few passing comments about my crazy idea to others.

[I/O]

How did/do you handle dealing with family  friends, coworkers, and/or business associates about looking in the FSU for a possible mate?

I went for other reasons in the first instance so it wasn't ever an issue for me.

Did you keep it to yourself? What  about going to the FSU for the first time. Did you tell anyone why you were going or did you just mention that it was a vacation?

During subsequent trips, as always, I have been very protective of my private life and therefore applied my basic principal of "Tell 'em nothing and take 'em nowhere".

Those of you engaged or married did your family, friends, coworkers, business associates readily accept your Lady or did they just blow it off and think she only wanted your Country / money /green card.

Interesting one this because nobody knew anything before she arrived here for a visit. The word went round the company and associates fairly quickly that I had a Russian girlfriend here and I noticed a few "Oh yeah" looks until we had a company function.  It was quite amusing to watch.  She had very little English at the time and it was quite an upmarket affair. By doing almost nothing and saying very little, she charmed the socks of almost everyone in the hall within a couple of hours.  All in all she was just the perfect partner for the evening. Everyone decended upon her like flies to honey. I had a succession of male visitors to my office over the next few days asking a number of "Where did you meet her" type questions.  Go figure.

What about the snicker factor; did any rude comments come back to you in anyway? Say through a third part telling what someone said about you/your Lady behind your back?

I've had one only "MOB" remark so far and my answer was, I'd rather be sleeping with my MOB than your LLA. (Local Lard Arse) My father is probably the only one who has made any real objective remarks so to say and his comment after meeting her was made to me privately. "A Very Smart Type of Woman". Once I am convinced something is right for me, I pay little attention to others anyway.  My decision, my life, if ya don't like it, either get over it or piss off.

I/O 

[chivo]

Actually Don it was terrible at first , but they finally accepted the fact that even though im American, im ok . ciao

chivo

[KenC]

What about the snicker factor; did any rude comments come back to you in anyway? Say through a third part telling what someone said about you/your Lady behind your back?

I've had one only "MOB" remark so  far and my answer was, I'd rather be sleeping with my MOB than your LLA. (Local Lard Arse)  My father is probably the only one who has made any real objective remarks so to say and his comment after meeting her was made to me privately. "A Very Smart Type of Woman". Once I am convinced something is right for me, I pay little attention to others anyway.  My decision, my life, if ya don't like it, either get over it or piss off.

I/O 

I/O,
Once a fat ass AW had the balls to ask Lena if she was a mail order bride (in a grocery store).  Lena's response was classic.  She said, "No, why do you ask?  Were you a mail order bride?" 8)
KenC

[windchimes]

Hello all! 
   I am back into this sort of chat after a month's absence. I have some free time on my hands now, and I will endeavor to contribute more here.

   This particular topic was what brought me into this community last March. I stumbled across another website - a former haunt of many here- almost by accident.  I registered and joined just so I could vent a semi-incoherent diatribe which I had bottled up inside of me for years. I made myself 8 minutes late for work because I got so carried away with the typing.  It was not kind to American women, and was nothing of a sort that I would say in public.  In retrospect, it was a little harsh and twisted.  I will spare this site the agony of an encore presentation. 

  Let me present six words and a comma to you for a further advancement of the discussion: "So, how did you two meet?"
Be prepared for these words - I wish I had a dollar for every time that has been asked "verbatim".  Its a veiled way of asking "Is she a mail order bride?" There is no such thing as that as we all know, but there is a stigma. Incredibly I was taken in by the stigma at one point.  Flash back to the late 1980's and early 1990's: The Soviet Union is in its last years, and I remember seeing a story about a Moscow doctor who was working nights as a prostitute to earn some extra cash. The story - an AP story - casually mentioned how she was going to have an abortion the next day after the interview(only her first name was given and there was no photo) That left me both saddened and unimpressed, but keep in mind that at this point I had no idea that I could or would even attempt to find a wife there.  A few years later, storys about double digit increases in HIV/AIDS in the FSU appear.  The result of 70 years of Godless socialism, I thought callousy, what else can one expect?
  Move forward to the mid-1990's. As a dues paying card carrying part of a sector of society that does NOT strongly identify with Ted Kennedy or Noam Chomsky, I am outraged at the drive to outlaw/register/tax one of my prized possesions. Timothy McVeigh did near mortal harm to the image of my kind, and then in the back of some of my gun magazines, there are advertisements for "meeting Russian women"(European Connections catalogues).  "That is the last thing we need", I thought,"a bunch of losers who can't get a girl at home. The press will parade that on one of its next expose' stories and hurt our image even more".
  That was only part of me. Another part of me was lonely. I was a love shy teenager and college student (see "love shyness"in wikipedia - I was a 70 to 80 percent fit) I grew out of it somehow, and was someting of a moderate Alpha-male by my late 20's. The problem was, the women that I once yearned for were no longer available, desirable, or neither. I had a few dates. One girl that I especially liked turned out be be a nut. We split up. I became an expert at lying about how I was seeing someone, in some circles it was conventional wisdom that I was a closet homosexual. In reality, I was living on a raft in a sexual saltwater sea - water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

  To keep this story short ( and give me time to go fix dinner) I will say that I gave in and joined the club. The family? Had I done it years before there may have been suspicion, but at that point in time they were just grateful for the situation. Friends? they took it in stride. If they didn't they would not be friends.  The pre-conception that I had about FSU women and Russians in general faded with the first visit to her family, with whom I stayed for a month on the second visit.

  Today, I quietly watch marketable guys allow themselves to get roped into relationships with women that I would not touch with a ten foot pole, mainly because (I suspect) they think that they have no other options. I don't know what to say to them. The main difference between them and me is that I gave up my pride and expanded my options. And what did I get? NOT being proud about what I did is one of my biggest challenges.

There by the grace of God go I.

[Manny]

The social stigma is something men worry about and I have seen much written about it.

I think once you start discussing agencies with people they will develop the wrong idea. Social stigmas start there.

I first met Mrs Manny by prearrangement in Malta, however, when quizzed, I never went into the details, I just said the truth which was "I first met her in Malta - She is Russian." - That was the end of the questions, and everyone I know has accepted her, of those who had suspicions, after they met her (a few had RW/Scam/GC ideas and media BS they watched on TV/read somewhere) they accepted her immediately.

If Grandad turns up with some smokinhotkova younger than his daughter, of course there will be questions and stigma, if regular dude turns up with foxy foreign lady, nobody will care, the dude met a foreign girl somewhere, so what?

One of my friends, after meeting my wife, has just married a Russian girl too, and another guy I know is now in correspondence with a girl in Kazan and it looks to be going well. Most guys see my wife as a breath of fresh air in England and it turns their thoughts to RW also. 

[jlogajan]

How did you meet?  I say "on the internet."  If they want more specifics, I say "at a singles site."

There they have the essential outline and you can easily avoid giving any more detail than that.

Lots of people meet on the internet at singles sites.  It is hardly a shocking thing these days.  Heck there was a movie about it -- Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

[Coding Wizard]

I asked a few friends about this, and they said they could care less where my wife came from, and, if I got a hot blonde wife, they'd even admire me for it, because I would have someone that they can't get here (not that easily anyway). But these are my colleagues in the same field, so they would take a more professional approach.

But, in the end, if I got someone I wanted, I don't care what other people think - I built my company based on what I wanted, not what other people thought of me.

[KenC]

How did you meet?  I say "on the internet."  If they want more specifics, I say "at a singles site."

There they have the essential outline and you can easily avoid giving any more detail than that.

Lots of people meet on the internet at singles sites.  It is hardly a shocking thing these days.  Heck there was a movie about it -- Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

jlogajan,
Good way to deflect the question, much like I also do.

In the mid to late 90's, I met and dated many AW from Internet connections.  Believe it or not, there were people that even looked down their noses at that!  Many thought it was a very strange way to meet women as it was still unusual for the time.  When I explained the logic of using the Net instead of trolling the bar scene for dates, most accepted the idea.  I learned a lot about how to be careful with the selection process and how to not get too caught up with "Internet romances" that served me well later when I turned to Russia.

Most of my friends & family were already broke in to concept of me meeting women from the Net, so meeting a RW wasn't too much of a stretch for them to understand.  As for strangers, I have to say that most Americans are rather ignorant about Russia and Russians.  Over the last 9 years I can recall many an ignorant comment regarding Russia/Russians that truly showed how little the speaker knew of the subject matter.  When addressing this ignorant group of people usually "Met her on the Net" is about all the detail I will offer.
KenC