The phrase "Mail-Order Bride" and it's usage.

[Paul]

From a different topic...

What is your impression of the "Mail Order Bride" industry, as you see it now?

I wish people here would stop using the term "Mail Order Bride" 

No one here would like people to think that they "bought" their wife, or that she sold herself, so why do so many of you go out of your way to keep the term alive???

I hate to admit this, but when I see that term being used, it makes me glad that Ada is not Russian, and that we did not meet on any kind of dating/agency site.

[Donhollio]

 D_D I agree as I'm sure others do as well. It's a bad name that has stuck around and it won't die off.  A mail order blonde ...errr I mean bride , goes back further than the days of the CCCP. I recall a nice glossy magazine in the  mid 80's at my aunt's where western men were featured. the dudes were all photographed in a studio,and the mag was sent out to I guess any ladies that were looking for a man. BTW I don't think it was distributed past  Canada and the USA. 

 So the mail order stuck, I don't think Internet Ordered Bride has the same ring to it. But we can just call it International Dating,as it was sold to me by CBS producers,only to find out the tittle was " How I Bought my Mail Order Bride"
 
 What can one do. it is what it is.  Just wondering D_D has anyone said the similar crap about Ada as they say about other FSU girls, you know being so desperate to get out ,and only wanting a green card  ? 
Or does RO  escape that stigma ?
 

[2tallbill]

D Dreamer ...........Yeah, I know what you mean.

Without disparaging Kimosabe for using a well used term here are some
random thoughts that are slightly related but not entirely. If a mod wants to move
this post somewhere more relevant I have no problem with it. 

Although I am totally tired of political correctness, calling the ladies Mail Order Brides
is factually incorrect. Calling the industry the "MOB" might be a little more accurate
because of all the swindlers in and around it.

I have a number of not at all close friends. Guys who I know that sometimes go to the
same watering hole as I do who otherwise I wouldn't cross paths with. They can ask
some of the worst questions imaginable. Like "are you gonna buy one of them Russian chicks?"

I make a joke at first and say "yeah I got one on layaway, just two more payments and
she's mine!" then something like "did you ever here of the emancipation proclamation?"
then something like "we fought a big ole civil war to make sure stuff like that doesn't
happen." Maybe half have heard of the emancipation proclamation, but even the mouth
breathers have heard of the civil war and start realizing that you can't buy other human
beings.

Then the questions start poring in as they have absolutely no clue at all as whats involved.
I set them straight that on a number of things and try to steer the conversation somewhere
else because eventually one of them will ask what they gotta do to get one of them Russian
chicks for their very own.

I say something like "it's a piece of cake simply Learn Russian, go get a visa, go
to Russia five or six times, get a RW to fall in love with you, then wait a year for her to come" also you need to talk to her for an hour every single day in between. You can
actually see and hear the gears turning inside there heads while they realize that they
are not willing or able to do any of the things I just said and certainly not all of them.

Follow up questions I get:
Q: Is learning  Russian hard?
A: It's about as complicated as time travel

Q: How come you haven't married / brought one back yet?
A: Because it's harder than it looks

I could go on but I have a big project delivering that I need to be there for.
Maybe I will post some other thoughts when I get some time.

[AkMike]

I recall a nice glossy magazine in the  mid 80's at my aunt's where western men were featured.

Almost right. But make it the 1880's! I read about early US settlers doing the mail order bride after they set out the stakes for their homestead. It's been around a long time,

[Brasscasing]

The history behind the term itself is a grey area. There are a few agency's that answer the question in their Q&A sections, most refer back to
Yale Professor of History, Howard R. Lamar who is quoted extensively as to the origins of the term "Mail Order Bride." However, although he is quoted the agencies don't provide a source. Google the name if you want to see quotes attributed to him.

There are  books on the subject, one being:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Hearts-West/Chris-Enss/e/9780762727568/

 And seems to have been well received (Check out the first ad in the Matrimonial [Edit: Times should read News], now that's an age gap. ).

There are also references to so called "mercy('s) girls" apparently  named after someone named Mercy and "casket girls" a nickname given because of the luggage they travelled with (?). I don't know if these other names/reasons are true or not.

Brass

[Paul]

What can one do. it is what it is.  Just wondering D_D has anyone said the similar crap about Ada as they say about other FSU girls, you know being so desperate to get out ,and only wanting a green card  ? 
Or does RO  escape that stigma ?

Of all the people that knew I was going to, or had been in Romania, one guy said something like "ya going to look for a wife"? (I hate the rednecks around here, most of them probably think "Romania" is just a fancy way for saying "Rome"  ).

There is no comparison to the amount of crap I heard (and brushed off) when the same type of people knew I was going to, or had been in Russia.

Without disparaging Kimosabe for using a well used term...

I hope it does not appear as if I was upset with Kimosabe, his was just the last post that I saw the term being used in, and that is why I quoted it.

[Brasscasing]

Here is an opinion article about personal ads in the 1800's. As I posted on another topic, this phenominon has been around for a long time.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9800E0D6143AF937A25751C0A9659C8B63

Brass

[windchimes]

What is your impression of the "Mail Order Bride" industry, as you see it now?

"It sure beats what I can find at Wal-Mart, and I save gas, too."

That would be a great sarcastic reply to those who call it the Mail Order Bride Industry.
 

[fireeater]

Well I keep ordering, but so far none have actually been delivered so far. 

Everytime one is about due, my regular postman disappears and a few days later he returns with this silly smile on his face. 

[Vinnvinny]

I think the term MOB will become a lot more acceptable when they introduce next day delivery and a 14 day replacement guarantee.

[Paul]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

[windchimes]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

Actually my reply above was a dig at many of the local women that can be seen at Wal-Mart, but it seems no one caught it.  I guess using it as a reply to those who question ones use of the service would only get the same result.  Criticizing the local women seems to be in vogue on this web site.  There are some desirable local women, by the way. Just not enough of them.

As far as the opinions that some may have of the Lady's, we can't control what others think, and they can't make us care about what they think. But you do have a point.

[Catman]

Yeah, Wal mart grosses me out too What is the most stupid or rude remark any of you have heard in regards to your RW? One person asked me "Is she a communist?" Another guy mentioned the "Mail order bride" remark a couple of times and if he could have said it just one more time he would never have forgotten my response but maybe that day will come.

[fireeater]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

Considering I would never refer to her in that manner, not even indicate that she was, my reply to one who did use this is just what I said. Never came in the mail, the postman keeps stealing them.  

To me this term is antiquated, International Dating is more appropriate today. You have local internet dating today in so many forms, international dating is just as extension of that.

The only true MOB today is an arranged marriage which still exists and happens today.  

If these are the type you associate with that can not understand you can actually meet someone from afar, and have a connection, then I would look for new people to have as my friends.

But I am also well versed with turning someones comment back on to them, and winning. Had a lot of practice with the women in my office. Most evidently give up with the threat they would tell my wife (now ex) on me. I always said go ahead she will believe you.  

If you let them get you riled you have lost.  

[BCKev]

What is the most stupid or rude remark any of you have heard in regards to your RW?

I did have one fellow Canuck advise me that I should be careful the woman wasn't just after a green card.

No such thing as a green card in Canada last time I checked.

[Donhollio]

Kev don't you love those Canucks that have a difficult time ( or watch too many USA TV shows) as to what country they live in   I find it so embarrassing

D_D while it is offensive to hear these terms,just do as I do and tell them ," yeah your right you know all about the MOB having travelled there so much and know so many FSU girls.  I guarantee there will be a silence followed by a change of topic.
 The nay sayers just give me more fuel to one day eat their words.

[BelleZeBoob]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

The term is not funny at all. In your first post, you mentioned that you are glad that your wife is not Russian, and that you meet not through agency or website.

The last word makes me sad. I just don't think that I ever have the guts to tell my present or future male colleague, or to a nice male acquaintance, that I am interested in him and would like to spend more time with him. That means, the dating sites are my only recourse, where I have no problems to write those things to someone interesting. I really hope that the prejudice against online contacts dies out with time.

[Chris]

Actually my reply above was a dig at many of the local women that can be seen at Wal-Mart,

Actually, I know a guy that found a lady at Walmart, she was working there and is Russian, he has been happily living with her now for over 12 months, so you just never know what you might find and where 

[Ada]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

The term is not funny at all. In your first post, you mentioned that you are glad that your wife is not Russian, and that you meet not through agency or website.

The last word makes me sad. I just don't think that I ever have the guts to tell my present or future male colleague, or to a nice male acquaintance, that I am interested in him and would like to spend more time with him. That means, the dating sites are my only recourse, where I have no problems to write those things to someone interesting. I really hope that the prejudice against online contacts dies out with time.

Belle, he just said 

we did not meet on any kind of dating/agency site.

I really don't think there is any prejudice against making contacts online. 

[tonton]

Surprising as it may be, but after my wife living here for 2.5 years, we have never encountered any negative insinuation about MOB, or the such. One guy whom is no longer with me used to refer to Elena as "Russian Princess", but after telling him if he ever said it again he would be subject to the full fury of Elena. He was indirectly in-charge of my wife during her early time here in employment in my photo studio. He never repeated it again. Pistol whipped! 

I personally find the term degrading.

[BelleZeBoob]

I think the term MOB will become a lot less funny when someone places your future wives on the same level as a prostitutes, either verbally or just mentally.

The term is not funny at all. In your first post, you mentioned that you are glad that your wife is not Russian, and that you meet not through agency or website.

The last word makes me sad. I just don't think that I ever have the guts to tell my present or future male colleague, or to a nice male acquaintance, that I am interested in him and would like to spend more time with him. That means, the dating sites are my only recourse, where I have no problems to write those things to someone interesting. I really hope that the prejudice against online contacts dies out with time.

Belle, he just said 

we did not meet on any kind of dating/agency site.

I really don't think there is any prejudice against making contacts online. 

I read dating site or (slash) agency site

[Paul]

I read dating site or (slash) agency site

Belle, I personally do not find anything wrong with meeting someone on a dating or agency website, I'm just glad that I do not have to tell people it is how Ada and I met (trying to make myself feel better on a technicality  ).

[froid]

Mila and I joke about her being my mail order communist Russian bride.  Of course I am her lazy decadent capitalist westerner.  Big deal. 

Should we ban mail-order bride as a term because of political correctness?  Do you think that will reduce the amount of stereotyping that you run into?  I hardly doubt it.

I had friends and family who thought my whole long distance relationship was very romantic, and others who thought I was insane, and even a few that looked up info online about scams and warned me.  In the end who cares what they thought then, it was all just based on stereotypes and lack of information, now they love Mila and have welcomed her into the circle of family and friends. 

[AkMike]

now they love Mila and have welcomed her into the circle of family and friends. 

And tht's the bottom line!
 

I have a nephew doing the MOB/ Internet dating with a sweetie from Ukraine and my next door neighbor,recent widower has met a gal from Russia, here locally and is dating her. He met her on one of the national advertized internet sites.
 Both have been so impressed with my wife they have "branched out" rather than settle for the local gals.

[Paul]

Should we ban mail-order bride as a term because of political correctness?  Do you think that will reduce the amount of stereotyping that you run into?  I hardly doubt it.

Of course not, but why perpetuate the stereotype by using the term/phrase here? Why do so many agencies need to use the term/phrase? I know, I know,...  : because a bunch of desperate guys like sitting at home and typing "mail order brides" into search engines, who wants to be associated with them? 

I have a nephew doing the MOB/ Internet dating...