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Author Topic: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact  (Read 2867 times)

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Offline GriffinCO

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Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« on: March 13, 2014, 06:49:23 PM »
Ok, when I decided to start this venture I chose to empty my cup (as I like to do with all new things.)

For you 7 Habits of Highly Effective People fans, I'm seeking first to understand, then be understood (a habit that has served me well in leadership positions and past relationships.)

I read in Manny's book and in various posts on the forum that you should not expect an FSUW to initiate contact.  I've had mixed experiences with this, but one of the women I'm interested in seems to follow this pattern.  She won't initiate a text.  She's usually very good about responding (always in fact.)  But she also doesn't really ask questions about me in return. 

When we're on skype or a phone call (via Viber...which by the way has REALLY great call quality...I was very impressed) it's a different dynamic and I get the feeling that it's more out of shyness than anything else.  She has good, interested body language and the vibe is cautious, but genuine, interest (to save time on a tangential discussion, let's assume for the sake of argument that I'm reading this correctly.)

So is this a cultural thing?  I have other women who are very good about initiating and of course attention is always fun.  I've heard excellent advice that it's important to have your personalities click completely (AJ).  And I've also read TRs where women were cautious and eventually opened up.  Last bit of advice I liked was to ensure that whoever you're into is into you the same amount (though this may take time.)

Thanks and Cheers,
Jamie

p.s.  Sorry for the long post, "I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time"

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2014, 03:41:58 AM »
Jamie, you ask a very good question.

Russian language is very direct at times and thus it is sometimes a mystery how they can even manage to beat around the bush. Generalizations are often fraught with danger, but generally, Russians are very polite to strangers/new friends they respect but if you lose that respect you'll see a brash and curt side very quickly.

Over the years I've learned that Russians/Ukrainians tend to assume that you know their rules, what they want, what they need to hear, etc. Never be afraid to ask what is expected of you in social settings, family outings, etc. 

We Westerners tend to ask more questions at the beginning of a relationship and frankly it can seem frustrating when the other person isn't asking questions right back to learn about us. However, they are learning about us--just doing it by listening, the old "two ears, one mouth" kind of idea.

Trying to please the other however can drive a Russian crazy as though they can beat around the bush with the rest of humanity, they really want you to be direct. One quick way to aggravate a Russian/Ukrainian is to leave them wondering about what you mean or your intentions. That goes hand in hand with their appreciation of strength.

One last note about language and misunderstandings: if Italians speak while waving their hands then Russians put the same enthusiasm into voice inflections. Russian language can be very animated--just wait till you see your lady argue with a market cashier over some issue. But anyone speaking a second language can tend to use caution in speech as we're less sure of ourselves. Mrs. Mendeleyeva's inflections are very different when she is in "English mode" versus her comfortable Russian cadence. That could be read as shyness in some situations.

I'd encourage you to read How Russians (and Ukrainians) Think, found here: http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=3920.0

Offline Danchik

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2014, 04:10:36 AM »
Nice post Mendy.

I can say that the one thing that is confusing is the shyness, which to me can easily be looked at by someone unfamiliar with the culture as disinterest. It is subtly different than what I have experienced with WW. It's one reason you have to just push through any negative thoughts about her being uninterested should you have them.

By pushing through it's very likely to find an appreciative woman opening up on the other side of that "push" One thing for sure is, you'll quickly know when it is not appreciated :). Still, better to force the action than misread the situation as chances are that she is indeed interested. In my experience FSUW are absolutely less talkative AT FIRST than WW. Do not mistake this for being less interested. And part of that can be attributed to their command of the English language
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Offline NS1

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2014, 06:17:37 AM »
I have in the past experienced this directly. Mendy and Danchik describe it correctly.
Most will come out more as they learn about you and gain trust in you.
Most will ask many questions, just not always the same as you would expect
from a ww.
Some women are just shy, even there. But I do like watching when
they believe not being treated right in their own environment, Not shy then :chuckle:
There is nothing permanent except change.

Offline AJ

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2014, 11:13:16 AM »
Culturally , women there initially are more likely to expect the man to truly lead the relationship, in every aspect.
After they know you and make a decision,(if favorable) expect that to reverse:chuckle: Most RW like to talk, and it's unlikely you would lack interaction. :whistle:
 :hidechair:


As far as simple shyness, like the west the variations in personalities seem far too complex to really give a good generality.You seem to already have communication with Russian women on both ends of the spectrum with this, and that's typical :)


Online andrewfi

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2014, 12:17:26 PM »
People are people. Every society and culture has people of all different permutations of normal (and abnormal) personality.
As such, I reckon it is really hard (read impossible) to generalise about how women are likely to behave in this regard.

In truth, I reckon that, just as in almost all social situations, how people react to a stimulus such as this is guided by their reaction to the person making the approach. The difference between people in terms of appearance, attitudes, intelligence, empathy and many other dimensions is going to be much greater than the variance between two cultures which is, in this context, just one of the factors that might come into play.

Bottom line, if one normally finds that women approach one then they will likely do so over here. In respect of ongoing contact then the same applies. Some people are more likely to call or contact than others.

Given the context of your post this is not about women approaching you out of the blue but more about communication after an initial contact.I'd lay odds that the type of people you meet and socialise with is the key here. You choose and are attractive to women with certain traits. That will not change over here.

To try to give things a little context. Most of my female friends will call me 'just because' and when they are in town my place becomes a cross between an hotel and a social club. I do not need to think about whether somebody will call or not because if they want, they will. Right now though I am seeing a woman who doe not call me. It is most disconcerting because I am not accustomed to it. I am not a great one for calling others. ;) Right now I have do make sure that I DO call her because she will wait for me to call. It ain't because she is Russian, or, in her case Tatar, it is because of how she is as a person.
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Offline GriffinCO

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2014, 01:28:23 PM »
Thanks Gents, very helpful.  Good to hear other experiences painting a different picture.  That kind of thing is a death knell in American relationships. 

Andrew, I'll respectfully disagree about generalization.  Here in the states Northern women tend to be more aggressive...ask a man out, drive in the relationship (I lived in Connecticut.)  In the South its completely opposite.  Much more conservative.  One of the things I've learned by living in every major part of the U.S.  (Gulf Coast, West Coast, East Coast, middle of the country...) is that you have to understand the social norms of an area if you want to find success (and not go crazy.)  You seem to dabble in sociology, so it shouldn't be an unfamiliar concept (whether you agree with it or not.)

You're absolutely right that we shouldn't overlook the individual for the culture though.

J

Offline sashathecat

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2014, 07:17:35 PM »
Russian language is very direct at times

One last note about language and misunderstandings: if Italians speak while waving their hands then Russians put the same enthusiasm into voice inflections. Russian language can be very animated--just wait till you see your lady argue with a market cashier over some issue.

Yes, good insight for men. This has been the biggest source of stress in our relationship (and other couples we know). Being so direct can come off rude or unappreciative and the raising of voices and excitement included is quite different than what I was used to.

Online andrewfi

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2014, 12:33:38 PM »
There are cultural differences but as one who has lived away from his home country and in several others over the last 15 years I can assure you that personality differences between individuals are much greater than the behaviour differences that one might ascribe to culture. Folks is folks. There are no personality traits unique to any group of normal people. What one does see is a difference int he relative proportions of certain personality types but, unless you are measuring this stuff then you will not be able to distinguish the effect. Still less if you don't speak the language fluently.

Age of getting married, for example, is a cultural thing, not related to personality, but it seems that the 'cultural difference' may more accurately be seen as an economic one as we have seen in the FSU with the age of first marriage increasing.

If you want to consider the way that, for example, poor people behave compared to better off people. Then you might be able to see some similarities between those groups in different countries, but that is usually a result of life. The people in that group still have a normal range of personality types.

When I was in the business of doing personality profiling, in the way back when before we had computers to do the job we maintained different sets of the profile analysis tool but that was because of the language, not anything cultural. We simply had different language tools validated in each language. The output could then be described and analysed without reference to nationality or national culture. It should be noted though that within organisations we sought to identify personality traits that would enable a good fit with the culture of the organisation - but that is very much a micro culture, could be a team of ten people in a sales office, or a team of car mechanics working in a BMW dealership.

You'd not use a different tool to measure folks from the north of England compared to the south, no more would one do so in the US.
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Offline Konfushus

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2014, 02:48:26 AM »
Interesting thread.

I suppose in online dating the man would more often be expected to make the first contact. Isn't it the same in online dating everywhere though?

My personal experience is that once I met a woman she would often initiate contact (phone, sms, email) without waiting for me to always make the call. Experiences vary.

Offline Q36ESM

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2014, 07:49:38 AM »
My personal experience is that once I met a woman she would often initiate contact (phone, sms, email) without waiting for me to always make the call.

Pretty much the same for me too. 

Online 2tallbill

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Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2014, 02:13:50 PM »

I read in Manny's book and in various posts on the forum that you should not expect an FSUW to initiate contact.  I've had mixed experiences with this, but one of the women I'm interested in seems to follow this pattern.  She won't initiate a text.  She's usually very good about responding (always in fact.)  But she also doesn't really ask questions about me in return. 

I would agree that you shouldn't expect it, but some do (initiate contact).
99% of the FSUW who initiated contact with me, I found I wasn't interested
in them. It wasn't because they contacted me first, it was because they either
weren't attractive, were overweight or both.

There are many personality types in the FSU and it would be impossible to
characterize them into one.

Some girls, artists for example absolutely drive me nuts. I would rather roll
around naked on broken glass than to date an artist. Some guys actually
enjoy them (they can have them).

The goal is to find the one that fits you the best. The perfect girl for me wouldn't
be the perfect girl for somebody else. Identify what you like the best and seek it
out.

Udachi !


Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls

Offline Solrock

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2014, 02:36:44 PM »
Interesting thread.

I suppose in online dating the man would more often be expected to make the first contact. Isn't it the same in online dating everywhere though?

My personal experience is that once I met a woman she would often initiate contact (phone, sms, email) without waiting for me to always make the call. Experiences vary.

About online dating...not always.
I've seen many cases were I visit a woman profile, find no interest on it, and some days later get a message from the girl saying hello (in most sites they can see who visits their profile).
And some girls also actively use the search function to look for interesting men, that's what my girl did. She sent me a message saying she found me cute  :loving:

Offline DPRK

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2014, 07:05:15 PM »
Ok, when I decided to start this venture I chose to empty my cup (as I like to do with all new things.)

For you 7 Habits of Highly Effective People fans, I'm seeking first to understand, then be understood (a habit that has served me well in leadership positions and past relationships.)

I read in Manny's book and in various posts on the forum that you should not expect an FSUW to initiate contact.  I've had mixed experiences with this, but one of the women I'm interested in seems to follow this pattern.  She won't initiate a text.  She's usually very good about responding (always in fact.)  But she also doesn't really ask questions about me in return. 

When we're on skype or a phone call (via Viber...which by the way has REALLY great call quality...I was very impressed) it's a different dynamic and I get the feeling that it's more out of shyness than anything else.  She has good, interested body language and the vibe is cautious, but genuine, interest (to save time on a tangential discussion, let's assume for the sake of argument that I'm reading this correctly.)

So is this a cultural thing?  I have other women who are very good about initiating and of course attention is always fun.  I've heard excellent advice that it's important to have your personalities click completely (AJ).  And I've also read TRs where women were cautious and eventually opened up.  Last bit of advice I liked was to ensure that whoever you're into is into you the same amount (though this may take time.)

Thanks and Cheers,
Jamie

p.s.  Sorry for the long post, "I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time"

My wife initially contacted me, and our correspondence was reciprocal.
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Offline kcalipso

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2014, 07:23:46 PM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

Offline Steamer

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #15 on: May 24, 2014, 07:51:58 PM »
I told my wife she was a snot, god only knows how she interpreted that.
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Offline yankee

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #16 on: May 24, 2014, 08:55:50 PM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

Is this your attempt at humor?  I find all are wrong.
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Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #17 on: May 24, 2014, 10:04:15 PM »
Quote
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

I have a Russian wife, Russian daughter, Russian female cousins, Russian aunts and Russian business associates so I know something about the subject.

This is true of some and especially those who aren't into you and merely passing time until you're history.

One can easily find a lot of Western girls just like this list.

It isn't about where she was born; it is about who she is when born.

Offline PBRstreetg

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2014, 07:12:12 AM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

 
Kcalipso I think you may have hit ice queen paradise. There are women from the FSU that do and act just what you posted. It's not a blanket statement though. Genuine real fsuw don't give you the cold shoulder after knowing you, and they will call you back and 'stick around'. In my very limited experience I've seen both sides to this spectrum. Stay with what you know, and regardless if she called you first or you had to push it, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, ever.
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Offline Larry

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #19 on: May 25, 2014, 08:36:59 AM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

I've talked to a number of FSUW like that, but I've also talked to many FSUW who aren't like that at all.  When you're not getting good feedback from one FSUW (i.e., she is showing the behavior in your post), move on.  There are plenty who are sincerely interested in a relationship and willing to do what it takes to make that happen.  A previous girlfriend of mine walked home from work every day at lunch in order to talk to me on skype before I left for work.  She sent me a nice email every morning (in turn, I sent her a nice email every morning).  Checking email became the first thing each of us did upon waking up in the morning.  She also regularly sent wonderful sms messages.  She was, unquestionably, the warmest person I've ever known, and was certainly willing to open her heart.

Online andrewfi

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #20 on: May 25, 2014, 11:40:19 AM »
No, that is incorrect.
There are people everywhere who are like that.

If your experience is that this description can be applied as a generalization to the people (women) you have met then you'd be well served by looking in the mirror to understand why that was your perception.

As a sanity check, why did you decide that a woman from your own country was not good enough for you?
Were some of these characteristics noticeable among the people you meet in your own country?



It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Offline kcalipso

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #21 on: May 25, 2014, 06:46:15 PM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

I've talked to a number of FSUW like that, but I've also talked to many FSUW who aren't like that at all.  When you're not getting good feedback from one FSUW (i.e., she is showing the behavior in your post), move on.  There are plenty who are sincerely interested in a relationship and willing to do what it takes to make that happen.  A previous girlfriend of mine walked home from work every day at lunch in order to talk to me on skype before I left for work.  She sent me a nice email every morning (in turn, I sent her a nice email every morning).  Checking email became the first thing each of us did upon waking up in the morning.  She also regularly sent wonderful sms messages.  She was, unquestionably, the warmest person I've ever known, and was certainly willing to open her heart.
Yes it can be and in fact this kind of exception confirms the rule, but it is a tiny minority. no generalization just global analysis. Error is to generalize positively just because of your personal case and found your rare bird, it makes blind about the ruthless reality. I answered the most reasonable and more sympatic answer... thx to you.

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2014, 01:41:34 AM »
Quote
Yes it can be and in fact this kind of exception confirms the rule, but it is a tiny minority.

As several have written, you can find some of these traits anywhere on the planet and not just the FSU.

You are new to RUA and I'm genuinely not trying to be disagreeable however long experience of living in Russia hasn't led me to the same conclusions. On what do you base your thoughts?

Offline AJ

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2014, 02:07:48 PM »
It is true that:
- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

No, its not generally true.

That personality/behavior would by its very nature, be a rare bird in any culture? Anyone routinely behaving like that with most of the people they interact with, would soon find themselves shunned.Dictating most people wouldn't act like that?  :biggrin:

I've lived in an FSU country, and  here is my general experience regarding your points-.
-FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.
Women most everywhere regarding dating generally expect the man to take the initiative.
That certainly doesnt mean that they dont take it as well, or that after you 
are in communication they don't routinely contact you on their own initiative.


- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
Any women in a modern society acting in this way is a rather odd duck, or not interested in the man.
FSUW certainly can ,and will , lead a discussion, as well as  ask a lot of questions.

- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
Women around the world list one of the main things that attract them to a man as a sense of humor.FSUW certainly appreciate that as well.The range of what an individual might find humorous varies wildly with personalities, just like every other country. Most FSUW appreciate an original , interesting , or humorous approach

- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
Then she's simply not interested in that man.
The average FSUW that is sincerely interested in man, obviously wants to know who is really is, as a person.


- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside.
Shallow people exist in all cultures.Often age groups would dictate a bit of that? I havn't found FSUW to be generally shallow, but have seen that *subgroup* Of course seen it in other countries as well.


- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
Language barrier perhaps?
In general they seem to rather enjoy deeper topics.


- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
When not actually interested in a man.
Otherwise behave quite normally , or even animated in a conversation


- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
Perhaps can be guarded to strangers,
 although generally seem warm hearted to family and friends.


- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
you found FSUW that will stop talking?rare birds indeed!
 :chuckle:


- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
That would mean simply not interested, or still considers that person a stranger (possibly with good reason)

- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection
Generally overly attached and quite affectionate if anything..


**************

Another post that makes me wonder if men often get caught up in the business end of the MOB grinder, and simply never  meet regular FSU folk.



Online 2tallbill

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Re: Cultural Differences - Initiating Contact
« Reply #24 on: May 26, 2014, 07:29:54 PM »
It is true that:

- FSUW never take initiative nor initiate contact.

Attractive girls rarely make the initial contact.

It is true that:

- Never ask questions in return about their interlocutor nor "feed" the discussion
- Do not react when man tries original, funny or interesting approach
- Usually not curious nor motivated to know who you are as a person
- Focused only on the person's outside rather than the inside
- Hardly can develop deep discussion regardless banalities
- Answer shortly and on a laconic way.
- Are difficult to open their heart, if they have any...
- Can stop the discussion all of a sudden without any reason
- Passive in their way to lead the discussion always with a kind of distance and lack of warmth
- Never show any sign of attachment, impatience or affection

Where did you come up with this list, especially the last one?
If you meet a woman even remotely like your list DUMP her immediately.
FSUW are not for entry level daters. FSUW don't do vague FSUW like a man of action so be a man of action  If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane. There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.
Get an apartment not a hotel. DON'T recycle girls