She is 28 years younger than me - advice please?

[Mikeav8r]

There is several couples we know here that have a 15ish year difference and despite the guy being a 'one week wonder' they are still together. Yes the guys went for a total of one week, went home filed the paperwork and married stateside. Then they have never gone back to UA with their wives to actually meet ANY of her friends or relatives.

 Strange but true.

That is a bit strange...but hey, if it works for them, more power to them.

Fifteen years was always my max age difference.  That was even pushing it IMO because it placed many women at 32-33 and because I did not want any more children, that pretty much excluded anyone more than 8-10 years younger.

OP...28 years is huge.  Most people your age have children that age or even older.  When I am 58, my daughter will be 35 and for me to date anyone her age or younger would just be creepy.  Do your thinking with the head on your shoulders and apply common sense.  Red flags are always something that should not be ignored.  The site you were contacted on will play a key role in determining her legitimacy....as other pointed out above, PPL sites are a bad place to hang your hat.  Regardless, a 28 year gap with her making first contact is very rarely a good thing.

Good luck,
M 

[leslied]

Turbo Guy has a successful marriage with a similar age gap - so it can be done 

But I think they are the exception rather than the rule...

A short term relationship is much more workable with a large age gap.  Just have fun together for a year or two.  I see these May to September relationships a lot living on the Turkish Riviera,  they last a while and then people move on...

[Vinnvinny]

Turbo Guy has a successful marriage with a similar age gap - so it can be done 

But I think they are the exception rather than the rule...

A short term relationship is much more workable with a large age gap.  Just have fun together for a year or two.  I see these May to September relationships a lot living on the Turkish Riviera,  they last a while and then people move on...

... or die. 

[Mikeav8r]

What defines a successful marriage I wonder?  Not to take away anything from anyone with a large age gap or otherwise of course, but is it the length of the marriage?  How many kids?  Lifestyle?  What defines it?

Is 13 years married considered successful?  I got divorced after 14...sooooo nope.

I am guessing a successful marriage is one where a spouse buries the other and they were still happily married at that point.  Sounds morbid yes and I am half kidding...but still.  I guess my second marriage was successful then 

There are exceptions to every rule I agree..but very very few.  The idea of a summer fling with a much younger partner sounds a lot better to me.    No strings attached 

[Manny]

Is 13 years married considered successful?  I got divorced after 14...sooooo nope.

I would call that thirteen years of success. Just because it ended doesn't mean the thirteen years were fruitless.

[doc holiday]

Is 13 years married considered successful?  I got divorced after 14...sooooo nope.

I would call that thirteen years of success. Just because it ended doesn't mean the thirteen years were fruitless.

What really matters is if the couple themselves consider it a success.  Nobody outside a marriage can deem whether it was successful.  I think a marriage can be both a success and a failure depending on perspective.  While a lot of good can come from a marriage that ends in divorce, there may have been many great years together, children you love, etc., if you stood up and took vows stating 'till death do you part' then in some sense it was a failure.  It would be better than staying in an unhappy marriage.  Put another way, unless you went into the marriage planning on getting divorced in the future, it is likely you failed in one aspect.

[NS1]

The Ultimate  lever of success would be death, but you can't live your life hoping you achieve this goal. Each year you are happy is success. No one has the crystal ball, so enjoy life.
Do not worry what others judge as your successes, Life is to short for this.
Enjoy your partner, family and all parts of life. Deal with the hard parts ( we all have them)

[2tallbill]

Hello I am Gary. I had never thought of looking for a Russian Bride. I know the dating scene around Rockford Illinois is very bad and I have yet to be impressed with any woman I've met on the dating sites. I'm going to read some of this great info and keep my mind open on the subject. Anyone with personal advice is welcome to mail me. Thanks.

Gary, you got an unsolicited₁ email from a FSUW who is 28₂
years younger than you from a non FSU dating site₃? You never told us
if she was hot₄ 

1. Unsolicited letter Red flag
2. 28 years younger HUGE Red Flag
3. She contacted you on a NON FSU dating site Red Flag
4. Was hot if she is hot then this is another Red Flag

You have 3-4 red flags and one of them is HUGE. You need to start completely
over. Delete the girl (It might not even be a girl writing to you) Do some research,


I put together a how to get started thread here
http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=4390.0

There is a banner ad The Truth about Russian Brides click on
it and buy the book. The chapter about how to chose an agency is a bit outdated
but everything else in the book is solid gold.

While waiting for the book to arrive
Read all of the stickies and all of the trip reports including all the train wrecks.

First decide if pursuing an FSUW is a good idea for you.
If so come up with a strategy  that fits you, your situation and your personality.

While reading you will come up with questions along the way.
You can either use the search function or come back here and post your questions

You will get all kinds of advice. Some seemingly contradictory. Don't allow yourself
to get offended by any advice posted. Your jobs is to sort through the advice and
use what works best for you. The advice is free and worth exactly what you pay
for it.

If you really want to pursue an FSUW but it appears overwhelmingly difficult or
risky then maybe hiring a wingman like Ed would be a good plan.

Udachi !


Bill

[AJ]

I do pity you in Rockford.

I've been there, it was OK. 

I stayed near Gurnee Mills, and took a few trips to local towns. Milwaukee was one, Rockford was another.

Way back when - when I had ideas about an American girlfriend. 

I think the way back when would likely be relevant ..
(in the case of the city mentioned, not the US in general)

Gurney Mills you'd be fine,Milwaukee as well! and have plenty of nice single women around  that would fall over for the bloody accent.
The other side of that is a good portion of Rockford you shouldn't be walking about 

Most people around here, if asked to go to Rockford to pick up girls /date/mingle etc- would give you this look..



 I agree overall the OP has a lot closer options than the FSU regardless. ..
whether Rockford is a dating hot spot or no.. lol

[Anteros]

Hello I am Gary. I had never thought of looking for a Russian Bride. I know the dating scene around Rockford Illinois is very bad and I have yet to be impressed with any woman I've met on the dating sites. I'm going to read some of this great info and keep my mind open on the subject. Anyone with personal advice is welcome to mail me. Thanks.

Welcome to the forum, Gary.  This endeavor is very expensive, which most guys do not initially comprehend.

I recommend Elena's Models for one.  Purchase the book from Manny (The truth about Russian Brides, available on amazon.com)

In Kharkov there is www.mordinson.com/, which is one of the last agencies in Ukraine where you know who the owner is and you can contact him directly.

Good luck to you.

[Manny]

and have plenty of nice single women around  that would fall over for the bloody accent.

Some did. Some asked me what language I was speaking. Some asked if I was Australian. I think the hat with corks on a string gave me away.

[BelleZeBoob]

The Ultimate  lever of success would be death, but you can't live your life hoping you achieve this goal. Each year you are happy is success. No one has the crystal ball, so enjoy life.
Do not worry what others judge as your successes, Life is to short for this.
Enjoy your partner, family and all parts of life. Deal with the hard parts ( we all have them)

Totally agree...success is when you are happy. Even if you are happy for a couple of years only, these are still two whole years of happiness.

I cannort help but I still get this weird feelings when people discuss the age gaps. Age is a number. Everyone gets at the certain age at some point. We are all different. For some couples, even 5 years apart would be too many. For some of them, 20 years of an age gap are allright.

[Donhollio]

 In my FSU travels I dated a couple of girls who had age gaps relationships with wealthy European guys. Nearing the end of their relationship, the guys basically gave the girl a large sum of cash to get the now ex girlfriend landing on her two feet back in her country. Nice apartment, with modern furnishings. So if you plan to have a big spread in age, you may wish to consider giving the girl a fair amount of money, so she isn't homeless once she is returned home.

 But really what would you have in common with some girl half your age? She wants to got shop, you want to relax. She wants to go on a holiday, you want to stay home. She plays her dance music, and your trying to tell her that the 70's music is the best generation for listening. She drags you into shops where the 19yo salesgirl asks if this is a gift for your daughter, you really want that happening daily?

 What I'm saying is that it can be fun, but fun runs its course. The more money that flows, the better for longevity, but in the end you'll be looked at like some kind of creepy old man, and this young girl will be the talk of things like, 'what's wrong with her?'
 You remember when you were a young guy and the same age girl was dating a 40+ yo? You remember what you said?  You really want to be that guy?

[vendelo]

I think the age gap issue should be reviewed on a case by case basis. Certainly, a 28 year difference is too great in my mind.

When I was 42-45, I looked about ten years younger and dated a few girls 15-20 years younger (check out my never-ending Brasil TR). I didn't seek out younger women, I just happened to meet them by chance. Never did any of the girls ever ask me how old I was. I never tried to hide it, it just never came up. I think it's because I met these girls through friends or work. I think with online dating, people get hung up on age.

Now that I'm older, early 50s, I no longer am interested in meeting women 15-20 years younger. I find that I'm most compatible with women around 40-45. But I have to say that I'm attracted to a very small percentage of women in this age range and that limited my dating pool tremendously.

Luckily, I have found my vendela. She's about 9 years younger than me. And when I see a photo of us together, we look like a couple and not stepfather/stepdaughter or sexual predator/victim.

But more importantly, we're compatible with almost all facets of a relationship.

But yea, 28 years is a big difference. I'd only consider it for a summer fling.

[NS1]

I tend to agree with Belle, even past relationships have some good times and I remember and cherish those.
Even if it was expensive to leave

Don thats true of some and not others, I have friends my age as you describe, but that is not me.
They prefer to be in big chair in front of TV by 8pm, I prefer to go out and enjoy the evening ( not partying)
I am still into sport and an active lifestyle and some of the older ladies are not.
It really is about the right fit for the person, Balance.

Age gaps of 8 years when in 20's look bigger, 20 year gaps in 50's with right person not so much.
We have a couple of guys here with very large gaps, who seem to have found success, but they are older
and maybe find the right balance, different for each.

28 years, when she is 20, scary.

[vendelo]

A couple of years ago, I met a very nice Moscow girl online and then in person. She was about 23-24 years younger but she was an "old soul" and also a fantastic person. Her father was about 8 months younger than me. It really felt weird. In the end, we decided to just be friends.

[bgreed]

OP as one who married a girl from UA 22 years my junior I think I can give you a pretty good picture of things.  The first Russian girl I ever wrote, wrote to me first on a non Russian dating site she was considerably younger freakin' gorgeous the whole thing I was totally naive about scammers (remember this would have been early 2005) so we corresponded for a couple of months I got the "Buy me a plane ticket to come visit you and I will give you a valuable coin I found at my aunts." story found her on a blacklist site as one of the  biggest scammers in Russia.

OK back to my story I found my wifes profile on Freepersonals.ru she was younger than I was looking for but I said what the heck I'll write.  Everything clicked for us from early on.  After eight months of letters, texting and phone conversations we met in person and spent a week together. It was perfect our faces hurt from smiling so much.  Three months later I went back and proposed.  We were married in September of 2007.

Now thing have been good bad and downright ugly from time to time we have been separated more
than once (she's pretty volatile) understand a large age gap will be more difficult than one closer.  By the way Lena and I do not look like father daughter or me the kidnapper.  Day to day we still work at making things work even if apart. 

Just watch for the red flags they may show they may not for awhile.  When after a goal Russian women can be VERY patient to achieve it.

[AJ]

and have plenty of nice single women around  that would fall over for the bloody accent.

Some did. Some asked me what language I was speaking. Some asked if I was Australian. I think the hat with corks on a string gave me away.

silly ocker, shoulda left the hat 'ome mate.

Ok seriously, I can imagine you'd get both the English and Australian questions.

and oddly enough, if you actually did have the funny Aussie hat , it likely would piqued even more interest for some reason (no offense Aussies ! )

[kristinaffm]

In my opinion, this age gap is too immense!!! Anf she contacted you first..... absolutely a red flag.  As for me, it is very strange if a 20 year old beauty from Ukraine/Russia contacts first a man who is much older than her (28 year age difference is extreme big and may be the reason for problems and misunderstanding in your relationship).

But I have to mention that not every young Russian woman who contacts an older man is a scammer. On the other hand, she should be viewed with caution. Some readers told me that several beautiful Ukrainian ladies wrote to them first that they really wanted to talk to them as soon as possible.

Well, we should realize this is the 21st century and all. Women can initiate a relationship without being a scammer; however you must think about the age difference in depth and decide if you are ready for that or not. Be careful. 

[AvHdB]

Turbo Guy has a successful marriage with a similar age gap - so it can be done 

... or die. 

I understand there is nothing nicer than coming as you are going.

[Turboguy]

Turbo Guy has a successful marriage with a similar age gap - so it can be done 

... or die. 

I understand there is nothing nicer than coming as you are going.

Just in case there was any speculation I haven't died yet.  I always did think it was better to die with a smile on your face however.

[Turboguy]

Is 13 years married considered successful?  I got divorced after 14...sooooo nope.

I would call that thirteen years of success. Just because it ended doesn't mean the thirteen years were fruitless.

Good point Manny.   I don't think time is a gauge of success.   My first marriage lasted 18 years and the relationship 22 or so.  By some standards here that would be considered a success.  The reality is that I was totally miserable for most of that time so to me it was not a success.  My current marriage has lasted a little over 6 years.  I think many would call that too short to really be considered a success yet for me it has been a very happy 6 years and I think she would say the same so if it ended tomorrow to me it is a success.  I have seen couples stay married for 50 plus years, fight like cats and dogs and both be miserable.  Is that a success?

[leslied]

Agreed TG 

It is the happy years that count...

[el_guero]

In my opinion, this age gap is too immense!!! Anf she contacted you first..... absolutely a red flag.  As for me, it is very strange if a 20 year old beauty from Ukraine/Russia contacts first a man who is much older than her (28 year age difference is extreme big and may be the reason for problems and misunderstanding in your relationship).

But I have to mention that not every young Russian woman who contacts an older man is a scammer. On the other hand, she should be viewed with caution. Some readers told me that several beautiful Ukrainian ladies wrote to them first that they really wanted to talk to them as soon as possible.

Well, we should realize this is the 21st century and all. Women can initiate a relationship without being a scammer; however you must think about the age difference in depth and decide if you are ready for that or not. Be careful. 

Well written!