Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Dating Scams and Suspicious Agencies
Professional Daters - How To Identify and Avoid Them
shakespear:
In another thread I was discussing how generally easy it was to spot scammers from the FSU. The though came to me later that "professional daters" might be a different kettle of fish altogether. After all, their purpose while in the communication stage is to encourage you to make the visit. They never ask for money or trigger any of the usual "red flags" before you arrive.
So, let's start this thread with a discussion on professional daters; experiences with them, how to identify them and how to avoid them.
It seems to me one of the best ways is to avoid this kind of scam is to arrange the first meeting (even with ladies you've been communicating with extensively pre-trip) at a cafe or coffee shop. I'm not so sure a professional dater will display the patience needed to sit and chat with you for a couple of hours before she tries to direct you to an expensive restaurant or super expensive shopping mall.
I think the best defense against professional daters is to realize that you have the ultimate decision-making power over the money in your own wallet. Even though it might make you a bit uncomfortable or you might be made to feel like you are being rude for refusing a request, it's your money and you are the one that makes a decision on how to spend it.
It has been my experience that no self respecting, well brought up lady from the FSU will insist that a western man spend money on expensive gifts or restaurants during the first meeting trip.
What are the thoughts, experiences and suggestions of others on this topic?
Markje:
The biggest question in my mind concerning Pro-daters is how to avoid them, without making your rules so rigid it starts to scare away serious women.
For instance: A serious woman might also want to meet in a nice restaurant (but nothing expensive).
shakespear:
I wanted to share my own humorous story about my first contact with a professional dater. It was back in April 2000 in Volgograd during my first visit back to Russia after my divorce.
I had utilized the services of two reputable agencies in Volgograd and my WMVM strategy was having some good success. I did contact another agency called "Chance Agency". Their approach was a bit different. They asked me to send a photo of myself and a physical description of the lady I'd like to meet. They would contact me with a list of ladies that wanted to meet me.
A week or so after I arrived, Chance Agency contacted me with a picture of this young, fashion-model hot deyv that was basically the fantasy girl of my description that I provided them previously. Buttocks length long wavy brown hair, steel cold blue eyes, fantastic figure, fashion-model pretty face and only 22 years old. My 45 year old "little head" won that battle and we scheduled a meeting. :evilgrin0002:
It was a lunchtime date. She was accompanied by an interpreter that the agency insisted I take along. I suggested we go to a nice Russian supper club called Club Paris that offered a nice four-course "businessman lunch special" at the reasonable price of 190pyb per person. She would have none of that and wanted to order something quite expensive from full supper menu. It was only $35 so I said she should go ahead and order what she wanted. She then told me she wanted the bottle of $200 french champagne. I told her no, I wasn't going to buy that. She started to pout like a spoiled child who didn't get her way. I excused myself to use the bathroom and when I came back, there was the $200 bottle of champagne, opened and chilling on ice at the table. She had ordered it while I was gone. Before I could say anything she scooted over in the booth beside me beside me and started stroking and kissing my neck and shoulders, telling me how happy it made her to have this champagne and implying that she would show her "appreciation" later.
I wasn't buying any of it. I was totally pissed off. During my first trip to the restroom, I had noticed that there was a connecting door to the kitchen and right next to that, an open door to the outside. I told this succa that I'd left something in the bathroom and excused myself again to retrieve it.
So, instead of turning left into the bathroom, I walked straight into the kitchen and out the back door and on to the main street. I hailed a passing ""gypsy taxi" and was gone from the scene of the scam in a matter of seconds.
Yep, the old "dine and dash". tiphat
I'm sure it was quite a shock to the lady when I failed to return and the waiter presented her with the bill. Probably wasn't my best moment, but whatever happened she deserved every bit of the consequences. Later I did call the agency to explain what happened and they seemed quite apologetic about the behavior of the lady and the interpreter. I noticed they didn't remove the lady in question from their site however, so she must have been quite a money earner for them.
FYI, both the agency and the restaurant are long gone from Volgograd.
shakespear:
--- Quote from: markje on November 09, 2009, 09:27:27 AM ---For instance: A serious woman might also want to meet in a nice restaurant (but nothing expensive).
--- End quote ---
First meeting, insist on a coffee shop or cheap cafe. You should be more interested in talking and determining if there is any chemistry between the two of you rather than the food.
In follow-on meetings, I think a well-intended FSU lady would take a cue from you as to what to order. Many would probably ask you to order for her. If she takes control of the menu and insists on ordering the most expensive entrees and drinks, it's more than a "red flag". Firmly refuse and end the evening as gracefully as possible. Enduring a few uncomfortable moments will save your wallet a few hundred dollars.
Manny:
This was my tale from an older topic on this subject:
You wont spot a pro-dater before you go. Let me tell you a story.....
The first woman I ever met was a pro-dater of some description, but my RW radar was not tuned in at all eleven years ago; I was a novice.
I met her on a free site, went to Tallinn to meet her, she was from Moscow but studying in Tallinn. A definite "10" with long blonde hair down to her ass. We met, got on great, she taught me how to order the drinks in Russian, got me into (what was then) the "Russians only" upstairs area of a [now closed down] club.
There was my first clue.......that particular club, back in 1998 used to have an exclusive upstairs area that attracted only monied Russians. They had big guys on the door to keep the [non Russian] riff raff and tourists out. Often these guys needed a "consideration" to allow access. She told me to "not smile and keep silence" - she linked me and we walked in. The doormen nodded at us and stood aside. No money. That told me she was a known regular - on her limited student money. :prophead:
Within about two hours she was draped over me like a cheap fur coat. Naturally my ego was doing somersaults and my head was about two feet wide. :chuckle:
The next day I couldn't reach her. I knew where her school was and what time she finished so I intercepted her at the gate. She told me a tale of how her cellphone battery was faulty and how she really needed a new phone. Expect unreliable phone service until she had a new phone in other words. ::)
So being a generous kind of of chap, I offered to buy her a new phone as a gift. She steered me straight to her chosen shop - the owner of which she was on first name terms with - and a new phone was selected. She ended up getting one that cost about a third of the price of the one she actually wanted. That evening we went out again - and as before - she was draped all over me like a cheap coat.
The next day, we were walking, and we she decided we would peek into the fur coat store. She ended up trying every coat in the shop on until she found the "must have" one. She spent the next thirty minutes pouting at me while wearing it. I thought the price prohibitive for a new girl, I said so and we left. She got angry and started calling me "greedy" and went home early. My alarm bells started to ring.
The next bit harks back to the current "sex on the first visit" topics currently on the forum. After a few days with any English girl, I would expect to have been making significant inroads in the intimacy department by now. Although "stuff" had happened, not enough had happened - that if she were English - would suggest she was "into me". I chalked it up to "cultural differences" and assumed it would right itself before I left.
A couple of days later I was leaving. She came with me to the airport. She was sending an SMS [to a "friend" of unspecified gender] and I noticed the phone differed to the one I bought her. "Oh, it broke, its in for repair" she said. Pro-dater speak for "I took it back and got a refund - less his commission".
I was unconvinced with her behaviour and the lack of intimacy on this first visit. I was due to visit again on business a month later, but I didn't mention it. We continued calling and emailing.
A month later I just arrived unannounced. I called her from my UK phone and she said "Darling, when will you be here?" "I am here already, are you free tonight?" was my reply. She freaked out and accused me of trying to trick her in some way. Of course she was busy that night. ::)
The next day we met, we basically had a debrief, and agreed to call it quits. I think I got out cheap; it only cost me a Nokia and incidental entertainment. It was the start of my learning curve.
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