End of the fairy tale

[supranatural]

Greg I'm very sorry to hear this news.  I hope it all works out for you.

[supranatural]

bgreed took his time, 2.5 years. I know him personally, and it's quite the shock to what has happened recently.  

You know not him only ,you know Ukr girls generaly and personaly also, so what happened in your opinion?

It's nice to see that in the midst of someone's pain you can find an avenue to vent your prejudices and bigotry against Ukrainian women.  

[shakespear]

The list of things that happened in our short time together  is long. But lets just say that she was a much different person after coming to the US that the wonderful lady I first met and fell in love with.  Understand that I still love her with all my heart and would take her back in a split minute.  However it seems that I cannot meet her expectations of how a man should act and that I was not a good enough provider.  Of course the fact that she was havng an affair with another man for the past three months adds to this.  She came home one day and told me she wanted a divorce (Sunday) that she was in love with another man.  Also that she didn't love me anymore and didn't have any respect for me. Even a couple of our Russian friends were very shocked by her actions.

Please refresh my memory, what is the difference in your ages?

[mirror]

It's nice to see that in the midst of someone's pain you can find an avenue to vent your prejudices and bigotry against Ukrainian women.  

Aha.

[anjutka]

For those who followed my adventure, marriage and birth of our son. Know that the fairy tale doesn't always have a happy ending. Lena decided that she wasn't happy with me after being here only nine months and has left me taking the children with her. Just shy of our 2nd wedding anniversary.  sometimes life sucks

sorry to hear,even if i did not follow your story....

but i always asked myself about guys who set up a task- to find right person from fsu women...and after some period they find her.....they after few visit very sure that she right person, ready to wait  about year and more when start to live together....and be happy :..... what is the criterias to succeed in this?

and  i always asked myself how guys can manage with   such difficult task?)))and i have more simple task-just to meet person somewhere near in my place where i live , no any distance relation etc etc etc...and still cant find right person   and those who choose more difficult way-can do it very easy?))) :

how then do we know that our partner love us not because of country, not because of money,not because of our jobs etc etc, but because of ourselves?
 ...thats not for answering.....i know all advices and all right answers... ....but life shows that even if we know right way....we any way choose wrong way....   ....ehhhh....people ))))

[Vinnvinny]

Please refresh my memory, what is the difference in your ages?

Sweat, dribble, grin .......

[Markje]

Sorry to hear this Greg,

You certainly deserved so much better.

Mark.

[MND]

Sorry to hear about this Greg. As in most marriages those first 2-5 years can be the making or breaking of a marriage as both couples try to find there feet with each other.

Hang in there mate.

[bgreed]

Thank you for all of your heartfelt words.  However my feeling is that we are not done but that this is only a large hiccup in our relationship that can be overcome.

And with that I really can't allow you all to think that she is totally at fault in this matter Since her arrival here I have had numerous failings that probably led to the current situation.  First I made some promises that I was unable to keep especially times being what they are.  However I can't use that as an excuse if you make a promise to someone that you are going to do something then it behooves you to do everything possible to make that promise happen I didn't.

Did I ever telll you that I have a temper? and that from time to time I can be more than just a bit strong with it.  And in our case I truly belive that it its because both Lena and I had/have such a passion for eachother that sometimes all of that doesn't know how to express its self in the best way.  So on occassion I raised my voice probably more than was even close to necessary. Without giving a thought to how she was feeling at the time. To give an example one time she was really in the straits of " I want back to Ukraine" and things had been a bit heated. One of my responses was that I would fight to keep our baby in the US as he was a US citizen.  this was totally and completely the wrong thing to say on so many levels I can't even begin to tell you.  First and formost to tell a woman any woman that you are going to separate here from her child is asking for trouble.  But to say such a thing to a Russian woman, well it is beyond stupid.  The way they will defend their children makes a mommy grizzly bear look weak!

Here's the thing that I really think most men forget once they get their bride here and that is just how much emotional strain she is going through even though she might not be showing it on the outside. while you are feeleing safe warm and at home she is feeling abit like she's lost in space on a foreign planet. And in many ways I was not paying attention at all to how she was feeling about things and just how strange she was feeling.  Now of course I bbrought the love of my life to a pretty strange place here in Lousyana if we had been in a more normal setting I really think alot of the strangeness would not have been so bad.

Remember words that you say cannot be taken back even though you regret them as soon as you say them or at least very shortly thereafter I wasn't always as careful in choosing my words as I shoud have been. Many words and or sayings that we Americans use without offense don't translate so well and can seem very offensive to your Russian lady no matter how much you try to explain it away the damage is already done.

So all in all I have to shoulder a great part of the blame for my lovely wife leaving me.  I have come to realize that this was a much bigger responsiblity to take on than I had imagined and that I did not do as good a job of holding up my part of things as I should have.

Will things work out and will we be back together? I have no idea right now. I have always been one to think positively and so my thoughts are in that direction.

[Voyager]

Thank you for all of your heartfelt words.  However my feeling is that we are not done but that this is only a large hiccup in our relationship that can be overcome.

So all in all I have to shoulder a great part of the blame for my lovely wife leaving me.  I have come to realize that this was a much bigger responsiblity to take on than I had imagined and that I did not do as good a job of holding up my part of things as I should have.

Will things work out and will we be back together? I have no idea right now. I have always been one to think positively and so my thoughts are in that direction.

Very thoughtful post, thank you for that. I hope those starting out on their search take heed of it.

Best wishes, I hope that you can mend the relationship, if it can be done. 

[sparky114]

Greg you have all our best wishes and prayers that you can turn it around.

We have a great admiration for you bearing your sole like that.

[Maxx]

So all in all I have to shoulder a great part of the blame for my lovely wife leaving me. 

"Bullocks" as our British brothers say. The proper responce is "good riddance to bad trash" she cheated on you man looking for a man with deeper pockets. Snap out of it. I know it's sad but you are NOT to blame. You married a narcissus.


Maxx

[Wild Orchid]

So all in all I have to shoulder a great part of the blame for my lovely wife leaving me.

"Bullocks" as our British brothers say. The proper responce is "good riddance to bad trash" she cheated on you man looking for a man with deeper pockets. Snap out of it. I know it's sad but you are NOT to blame. You married a narcissus.


Maxx

Can't agree more with you, Maxx... Unfortunately it looks like another stepping stone was used and thrown away when no more needed. She came, she found someone richer, she left.  In 9 months a young mom with 2 kids found a time not to get to know her new home, her new country, but a new man as well.

I was packing my suitcases at least 4 times, but there was nobody anyone else involved and we tried very hard to resolve our problems (temper issues as well).

In any case, do what is the best for you. It is not only about her, it is about your son, and about your family as a unit. If you want it back, you have to try very hard and get it. Good luck!

I wonder how old is her new lover... Do they have 20+ age gap as well?

[mirror]

Will things work out and will we be back together? I have no idea right now. I have always been one to think positively and so my thoughts are in that direction.

Do you have hopes? WOW! I found it was very clear that she found a new younger,richer man (like you wrote) and it is one only reason.You can blame yourself all your life but it is up to you to face this reality or not.

[bgreed]

I know it is the normal response to chastise what appears to be the wrong doer in these cases, but there are always two sides to every story as far as what causes some peolple to react in  the manner they do.

In this case I believe that between my actions and or in actions and some sweet sounding honey being dripped in her ears by this guy is what formented the move.  In anycase I really can't allow unkind words to be said about Lena even given the current circumstances. And even though she may have left there is no real evidence of anything other that leaving having taken place.

I know her better than anyone she is a person who is worldly and innocent all at the same time. And I don't believe that her feeling for me were false but that I helped to destroy those good feelings in the way I acted.

I never said he was younger

[supranatural]

Will things work out and will we be back together? I have no idea right now. I have always been one to think positively and so my thoughts are in that direction.

Do you have hopes? WOW! I found it was very clear that she found a new younger,richer man (like you wrote) and it is one only reason.You can blame yourself all your life but it is up to you to face this reality or not.

Again you color everything with your prejudices.  Nowhere did Greg say the other man was younger or richer.  Face what reality, the one you just made up in your mind?

[mendeleyev]

Greg, may God give you grace for whatever path you choose. Only you can decide how to proceed, but our best wishes and prayers are with you.

[Eduard]

The list of things that happened in our short time together is long. But lets just say that she was a much different person after coming to the US that the wonderful lady I first met and fell in love with. 

Greg, very sorry about what happened. It's truly one of the hardest things we go through in life, but keep in mind: "It's always darkest before dawn" Once it gets real bad it can only get better afterwords, see?
Although after reading your "confessions" about your temper, saying wrong things to her, not being able to fullfill promises you made to her because of financial difficulties I still find it difficult to understand that a "good", "normal" woman would cheat on you and leave you while having a new born baby with you (unless off course she honestly fears that physical harm might come to her child or her).
I've covered this before in my thread after reading another break up story of another guy on another forum. Don't know if that thread is still there but I will say this again: women / people do not change fundamentally just because they cross the border and come to the West. I am talking about values and honor. An honest woman doesn't become a dishonest cheater in a matter of few months no matter what the circumstances.
As I said previously, problem is that most WM do not truly get to know the women they marry because of the language and cultural barrier mostly. Many women are great actresses and they will say exactly what you wanna hear, act the way you want to see them act in order to use you for their agenda. They know exactly which buttons to push! It would be extremely difficult for a WM to figure out a dishonest user UW or a RW. My feeling is that in many cases when WM marry UW and RW it's pure luck that they come across a decent woman who is actually also looking for her soulmate. In some other cases men marry the women who will use them and then dump them as soon as possible for "bigger and better" things... It's sad but true.

Greg, I'm not saying that your wife is a bad woman. I don't know her and I don't know you. I don't know what really happened between you two. But I strongly disagree with your premise that a person somehow can"change" in a matter of a few months.
Sure, we all change throughout our life, but our fundamental values that were instilled in us since childhood do not really change at all.

[Wild Orchid]

But I strongly disagree with your premise that a person somehow can"change" in a matter of a few months.
Sure, we all change throughout our life, but our fundamental values that were instilled in us since childhood do not really change at all.

I agree with you for a change.

I don't know what Greg promised her, but isn't it obvious that most of us are going through uncertain times and it is hard to keep promises involving finances?
It is a huge shock to read all those love professions and to find out about cheating only after few months of togetherness with a husband. Especially in her circumstances when she suppose to be busy with her family. I remember reading something on the issue during one chat, and I believe temper was a serious issue in your case if she had to ask for help outside, but still...

You are keeping a good profile in case she might read it, it won't change the fact that she cheated on you and our opinion of her is based on that fact. Of course it has nothing to do with your life and your future, you have to do what is best for you. I'm just saying that you shared information, and now it is out, and you might not like some comments, but it was up to you what you wanted to tell us.. I hope you understand what I mean, because it is a bit ... 

[mirror]

I never said he was younger

Oh,my! Then he is older than you!

[jb]

I can see no reason to beat Greg up over who or what his wife's lover is; younger, older, prettier, richer, etc. these are things beyond Greg's control.  She has made her choice,,, now she is the one who has to live with it.

The only thing I might add is about the stigma of infidelity she now bears.  No matter how much Greg might love Lena, he will never be able to look at her and not have the mental picture in his head of her having sex with someone else.  If she came back tomorrow, I'd bet the marriage would hit the rocks within a year anyway.  This is the nature of such things since a huge portion of marriage success is based on trust.  Lena has now proven beyond a doubt that she is not trustworthy.

Marriage is a very important game we play with each other, admit it or not, and we mentally keep score.  Like every game, there are rules.  We can live within the rules and the result is something we call harmony, we can bend the rules and that result will be an argument.  There are also game ending rules, IMHO infidelity is a game ender.  

[msmoby]

Well said JB!

My suggestion to Mirror can go in the "round file"

[mirror]

Well said JB!

My suggestion to Mirror can go in the "round file"

Pardon me.It is pity that sometimes I can't understand your brilliant aphorisms. I think there some punctuation marks should be.

[shakespear]

I never said he was younger

I'll ask again,

What was the age difference between you and your wife?

[ECR844]

I never said he was younger

I'll ask again,

What was the age difference between you and your wife?

Perhaps because it's a rhetorical question...