Dating & Marriage With Women From Russia, Ukraine, Belarus & FSU > Married Chat
Do You Send Money Back To Her Family And If So, How Much?
shakespear:
Thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion. We all know that living life on a fixed pension in Russia, especially in light of the current revival of inflation is certainly not an easy thing to do. Children, especially if they're only children may have provided financial support for their parents while they were living in Russia. After they're married and moved to their new country they still feel that same obligation.
So how do you handle it? What suggestions do you have for others when confronted with this request from your wife? Are there other things you do to provide financial support to your in laws?
I know we send $300 per month to my wife's parents. The bank charges $6 for a foreign ATM withdrawl so the total is $306 per month. They use some of this money to pay the fees and taxes on my wife's apartment in Volgograd but the rest is for them to spend as they wish.
How about others?
GreyScales:
--- Quote from: shakespear on January 12, 2009, 07:49:37 AM ---Thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion. We all know that living life on a fixed pension in Russia, especially in light of the current revival of inflation is certainly not an easy thing to do. Children, especially if they're only children provided financial support for their parents while they were living in Russia. After they're married and moved to their new country they still feel that same obligation.
So how do you handle it? What suggestions do you have for others when confronted with this request from your wife? Are there other things you do to provide financial support to your in laws?
I know we send $300 per month to my wife's parents. The ban charges $6 for a foreign ATM withdrawl so the total ins $306 per month. They use some of this money to pay the fees and taxes on my wife's apartment in Volgograd but the rest is for them to spend as they wish.
How about others?
Howe about
--- End quote ---
Apologies for replying but not yet being married :)
"G" and I have talked about this already ourselves. She contributes about $200 towards her half of the Apartment she and mom own. The dollar amount varies based on expenses - but this covers the cost of the mortgage and utilities. She and I have already talked that we will continue sending this money each month once G arrives here.
As for "how" we'll get money to her mom... I purchased a GreenDot travel Visa credit card and got a second physical card in G's name. I gave G this card and use it to send money to G for her Visa stuff and for English classes and such.
We've talked that G will give the card to her Mom when she comes to America. This will allow us to send mom money that Mom can withdraw from any ATM.
The fee for withdrawing money internationally is like $4 each transaction. They charge like $2 if you do a balance check, and charge a flat $4.95 a month fee for the account.
This isn't the only card of this type available. I felt the fees were reasonable and would make it so G and I can send mom money any time we/she needs it. And the fees weren't out of the world - especially when compared to things like Western Union...
just my 2 kopeks
GS
Bobalouie:
My wife rents her flat out (she owns it outright) and her parents keep that money if they need it, and if they dont, they send it to my wife.
shakespear:
--- Quote from: GreyScales on January 12, 2009, 08:17:54 AM ---As for "how" we'll get money to her mom... I purchased a GreenDot travel Visa credit card and got a second physical card in G's name. I gave G this card and use it to send money to G for her Visa stuff and for English classes and such. We've talked that G will give the card to her Mom when she comes to America. This will allow us to send mom money that Mom can withdraw from any ATM. The fee for withdrawing money internationally is like $4 each transaction. They charge like $2 if you do a balance check, and charge a flat $4.95 a month fee for the account.
--- End quote ---
We just use a regular bank ATM card (no Visa or debit card). She kept the one that my wife used while she was living in Russia. Every couple of years the bank replaces them and we either bring the replacement over when we travel or recruit someone to "packmule" it over to her. Many don't know this but it is illegal to send bankcards thru the mail to Russia and Ukraine.
For the longest time withdrawl in dollars from the local Alfa Bank ATM on my account in the USA carried no fee. ZERO COST. But when our bank was bought by National City, they instigated a 2% fee for foreign bank ATM withdrawls. That means a $300 withdrawl costs $6. Reasonable when you consider the alternatives.
mendeleyev:
Excellent topic, SS. My MIL lives in our Moscow home and our situation is somewhat similar to Bobalouie's arrangement, but sometimes we send $ and use a Visa card with withdrawal limits in case the card is lost or stolen.
I think this is worthy of being discussed because of the cultural aspects. Often we think of the FSU as a place where the idea of "from he who has the most to him who has the least" was only practiced during the 78 years of Communism.
But given the serfdom life before the revolution, this idea of sharing within a larger group is well over 1,000 years old in Slavic practice....that being one of the reasons why the idea of group living in apartments and on farms was an easy transition for many. For a large percentage of citizens, it was simply a change of focus from factory/farm owner to state ownership. Somebody else did the "owning" and much of the lifestyle remained constant.
It's not uncommon to share expenses across a broad extended family. Uncle Boris needs an operation and some extra money must be paid to the doctor--money will come from family members even out of town and the only expectation regarding repayment is "I helped you today, and because we're family, in time of need you'll help me later."
When a lady comes to the West she may be very surprised to learn how "individualistic" is Western society where we each take care of our own problems and are reluctant to ask family members for financial assistance. Our mindset in the West is "independence" versus the mindset in the East is of being "connected." That fuels differences in how we raise children, relate to extended family, and even to business and politics.
One of my closest American friends is going thru a situation where his youngest son had been unemployed 3 months and moved back home. He just found a job and my friend can't wait for the young man to get an apartment and move out into "independence" again. This is not exactly how many Russian/Ukrainian families would feel given the same scenario. Even with a reasonable desire to have an apartment of one's own, the parents would feel a great deal of reluctance in letting go.
Thusly, sending mother/father a few shillings each month not only helps ease her mind about their welfare, but helps her feel "connected" to her family. In harsh truth, her marriage to you has helped support her extended family. That is foreign to us, but very intimate and normal to her understanding of how it should work. And when a man resists, if a wife sees that the resources are there, she doesn't see it in terms of independence but rather given centuries of cultural conditioning she quickly comes to the conclusion that he is "greedy." If she were home, it might be reason enough to exit a marriage. Living across the oceans makes it harder to exit, but can certainly damage a marriage relationship.
If the resources for sharing are not there, she may wonder if the marriage was a mistake since in her culture a "good marriage" is often not only about love, but also about ability to care for a family, including contributing from time to time in extended family context. A WM can argue all he wants that he is supporting his "family" but in her cultural mindset "family" is much more than "the two of us."
Fallout number 1: a man on a limited income must realize that this venture is more than just about affording air travel and costs of her Visa and green card.
Fallout number 2: WM talk a lot about finding a "traditional" lady without really understanding what that means. If she is "traditional" she may be what I've outlined above and that is something a man should understand before he begins the journey.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
Go to full version