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Author Topic: Report from Penza Russia.  (Read 23495 times)

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Offline Link

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #25 on: December 21, 2008, 10:02:51 AM »
Olya just spoke with Miss Penza, she said that I am not her type of man and that she does not want me.  I have no hard feelings towards her I just feel very  hurt.

Offline Chris

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2008, 10:13:22 AM »
Olya just spoke with Miss Penza, she said that I am not her type of man and that she does not want me.  I have no hard feelings towards her I just feel very  hurt.

Sorry to hear that Link, but at least you know where you stand now, no more wondering 'what if' and can move on and plan your next move. This happens to most of us in this endeavour at some time or another, it is hard to take initially, but usually it is for the best and there is always something better around the corner  :)
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Offline Paul

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2008, 10:16:14 AM »
Olya just spoke with Miss Penza, she said that I am not her type of man and that she does not want me.  I have no hard feelings towards her I just feel very  hurt.

Again, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you Link,.. trust me though, it is far better that you found out now that you were not meant for each other, instead of after a couple of trips.


Offline Manny

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2008, 11:05:15 AM »
You might recall when you first mentioned this woman I thought she was likely too young to be mature enough to be thinking about a husband.

I think it is as simple as "you don't win them all" - I think her honesty (even if a tad belated) after the event is to be commended. Its rare a guy ends up hooking up with "the one" on his first time out there. She decided that you were not the one for her, its just one of those things.

I think you did nothing particularly wrong (apart from being overly dictatorial about her movements, activities and associates before you had even met), but I do think the experience you have gained is invaluable and will serve you well in your future endeavours.

You did what so many guys procrastinate about - you got your arse on a plane in a fairly short time frame, and that must be applauded. Better it works out this way than if you had spent another 6-9 months writing her, only to find out she wasn't the one. Also better she was honest enough now with you than maybe marrying you and it ending in a train wreck later.

I think you did good, you learned a lot and are better placed for the next one.  :)
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Offline erudite

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2008, 11:22:18 AM »
Olya just spoke with Miss Penza, she said that I am not her type of man and that she does not want me.  I have no hard feelings towards her I just feel very  hurt.

Compadre:  I will have my test this spring, but I am already learning like the comedian Jimmy Durante said: "I gotta million of 'em".  There are so damn many to choose from it is mind boggling.  She is there no doubt, but it probably doesn't look like it now but the next one that writes back a nice letter will have your head and heart healthy in no time at all. I cannot imagine many Russian or Ukraine women (who all love the sea) not loving Mexico.   :BEER: :sombrero:

I am going to send you an email with a link to a woman who is in your age bracket.  She is on Anastasia (yes I know), but I wrote to her several times after she supposedly contacted me (she says she actually did). I told her I was not a man young enough to keep her happy for long and that she needed a mature young man which is difficult to find. She and I just sort of exchanged a few nice letters and she seems very nice, mature and sincere. She is one of the best looking younger women I have seen anywhere in quite a while. I think you will agree. Send her a letter and see what happens. You can fish on Anastasia and still be safe if you are careful. Good luck. :THUB:
"It don't matter who's in Austin, Bob Wills is still the King", Waylon Jennings

Offline Link

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #30 on: December 21, 2008, 12:28:01 PM »
I forgot to tell, I forgot my ipod (80gigs) and my sunglasses in the Hotel in Penza  :'(

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2008, 03:52:19 PM »
Link, you are an exceptional young man!  Living in a border state and spending several trips each year (mainly shopping) in Mexico, I can understand that you have bucked a very strong cultural trend to go outside your zone of comfort in search of a wife.  That is a good indicator that you have an independent head on your shoulders and you aren't afraid of the unknown.  A RW will have to appreciate that in you.

Now you are more of a travel veteran and the next trips will be so much smoother and better.  I'm sorry it hurts, but better days are ahead for you, our friend.   tiphat

Merry Christmas, Link.  May your New Year be much brighter, too!

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #32 on: December 21, 2008, 06:09:38 PM »
Link, I'll respond to your PM here as you requested so that others can see what my answers are. 

No, I don't think you did anything wrong.  It's funny how often I'm the one cautioning men not to pick a girl too young for their age, but in this instance you both are young and her immaturity didn't help your case.  You are obviously more mature, but that doesn't make her a bad person either.

Some notes for you to dwell on:
- Her parents were very good to you as you expressed in your TR and privately.  In a sense they "took responsibility" for the two of you, in that they didn't allow any big train wrecks and were good parents.  They honoured your family in doing this.

- You may not be aware of this, but its likely that her parents helped her come to this decision after you left.  That's one area where the Russian culture and the Mexican culture are much closer than a culture taken from Western Europe or the US/Canada.  At her age and maturity level her parents guided her and in so doing, protected you from pursuing someone not ready for you.  Just as they'd do for a 35 or 40 year old daughter--hard for us Westerners to understand because we prefer the fantasy that she first chose us and later informed her parents.

- She may not love you but she cared enough about you and appreciated your visit, in fact it made her feel special to realize how much effort you'd made.  Perhaps that helped her to be straightforward with Olya so that you were not kept dangling with no direction.  I think she opened up to Olya for a couple of reasons:  Woman to woman was easier for her.  And the language issue made it easier to express her true thoughts to another Russian speaker.

- I'd even guess that maybe she already feels, or will someday, a bit embarrassed that she caused you to travel such a distance at such an expense just to learn that the two of you aren't the right match.  But that is a chance every one must take--either that or accept being alone the rest of our lives.  It's all about risk and reward.

- I believe each of us can be encouraged by your example of progress in language!  You pleasantly surprised us. I should have known that being bilingual already that your brain's language receptors would be ready to accept new information more readily than those who've never tried a second language.  But you seemed to navigage well enough to find her apartment by yourself, your TR gave several examples of phrases and sentences you either spoke, or understood, and that is after a very recent start in study!  Good job.  молодец мой!


For the future:
- This is a great forum because you've got fellow members who are very caring and willing to share their experiences with you. 

- If you have unlimited time and funds for travel then one could make a hobby out of this endeavour.  However most men don't and that is where some personal guidance from one of the smaller and trusted agencies might come in.  You could confine your time to Ladagirl, Kherson Girls and Kiev Connections and be just fine.  You already have a relationship now with Ladagirl and I'm guessing that having Olya spend some time to find out what is important to you in a wife would be a great place to start next when you're ready.

I don't know your religious preferences if any but if you are Roman Catholic then you may find that an area of Western Ukraine, like Lvov for example, might help you find a girl whose religious roots might be closer to Mexico.  Western Ukraine was formerly part of Poland so the Roman Catholic Church is popular, as is the "Uniate" (Ukrainian Catholic) church which is a regional Church with Orthodox beliefs and practices but with loyality to, and in communion with, the Roman Church.  If you find an Orthodox girl there are a few Orthodox Churches in Mexico City.  If finding such a girl is of interest then check out Bill at http://www.Lvovbrides.com.  While I've had no direct experience with Bill's services, we've enjoyed good conversations, people who speak of his services generally say good things, and a friend married a girl from his agency last year.

Check out this video, http://www.Lvovbrides.com/files/Lvov_2.wmv as there are parts of Lvov which are strikingly similar to Mexico City! 

Offline Link

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #33 on: December 21, 2008, 08:55:32 PM »
Thank you Mendeleyev for your words and thoughts, as always they are very detailed and useful.

No, I do not think she is a bad person, just a different person in reality than the one I thought through her letters and calls, but I am sure this is part of the process of meeting people who are far away through the internet. Thinking about it more deeply I think I do not love her either just maybe my pride it'ss the one hurt, otherwise I think I couldn't be able to delete her yesterday from my contacts in odnoklassniki and vkontakte after she sent me no message asking me if I arrived ok to MX and later  when she sent me no congratulation message for my birthday either. I've added her friend Anna as a contact she was very friendly and nice when I was there.

There  are still 3 days missing in my report, I wonder if I should keep continue writing so I others can learn from my experience.

Regarding Roman Catholic and Orthodox Church even though the administration and some practices are different as far as I know (according to a Roman Catholic priest) the main rituals which are taken in an Orthodox Church are also valid under the eyes of the Roman Catholic one, so there is no problem.


Offline mendeleyev

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #34 on: December 21, 2008, 09:59:55 PM »
As long as you don't mind posting I'm certain the other members would enjoy hearing about them.  A TR allows us to go along with you and enjoy what you enjoyed and experienced.  Its your call.

Offline Manny

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2008, 03:07:57 AM »
There  are still 3 days missing in my report, I wonder if I should keep continue writing so I others can learn from my experience.

It would be nice if you filled in the gaps Link. We jumped from half way through to the end I guess. I think such reports are very educational for people.
Read a trip report from North Korea >>here<< - Read a trip report from South Korea, China and Hong Kong >>here<<

Look what the American media makes some people believe:
Putin often threatens to strike US with nuclear weapons.

Offline MBS01

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #36 on: December 22, 2008, 07:59:47 AM »
Link:
Glad to hear you are still posting after having not found the one that you had expected.  Many of us previously went through this same exercise and moved on and even married.  As a note I will say that my first wife was from Brazil and my second from Ukraine (but born in Siberia) so my life has seen both Latin and Russian influences through my partners.

For the future: 
Now that you have got your feet wet I would also suggest stepping out a little as having used a couple of previous agencies I moved on the "Free Personals" and found much better responses and results.  The good ladies there already have access through home, office, or an internet cafe to computer dating.  Thus they will be doing this their way and not an agency way.  They will know how to navigate the online translation sites to read and reply to your emails.  They are thus motivated to find that special one who will become their soulmate too.  In other words do not just read and reply to profiles on one website as there are truely hundreds or more websites and agencies out there both pay sites and free ones.  Your task is to check out as many as you have time for while seeking that special lady who will be the right one for you.

Now Merry Christmas and good luck and keep at it while wishing 2009 will be the year your dreams of finding a true soulmate come true..

Offline froid

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #37 on: December 22, 2008, 08:55:13 AM »
Hi Link

Sorry to hear things went the way they went.  Of course remember it could always be worse.  I hope you enjoyed the trip and experience and learned a lot.

Mila saw me reading this thread and read some of it too and did say one thing..."She is too young to know what she wants, she doesn't need him right now".  And this was before I had gotten to reading the point where you had your answer. 

Was my travel info good?  Anything I missed telling you?  I was nervous helping a little. 

Merry Christmas Link! 
Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. <-Same goes for forums!

Offline Link

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #38 on: December 22, 2008, 10:01:45 AM »
Hi Froid.

Thank you very much for you invaluable help and without your advice I will not be able to get into Penza, your indications were vital, thanks again.
You have a friend here in Mexico if you need something and knows maybe someday I will decided to become Canadian once again, by the way I used my Canadian winter clothes there in Penza.

I wish you and Milla a "Merry Merry Christmas and Happy New Year".

Offline Eduard

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #39 on: December 22, 2008, 01:03:48 PM »
Hi Link,
I think that you learned a good lesson and gained some experience which is a good thing.
If I knew that you are going to see a 19 y.o. girl I would have told you not to waste your time and money (but you probably wouldn't have listened to me anyway). Generally girls younger than 24-25 are not ready for marriage and family ESPECIALLY to a foreign man who wants to take them away from everything they know and love. At that young age they have completely different priorities and goals in life. College, career is usually number one priority. Yes, sometimes like in your case these young girls will talk to foreigners, but it's more for the novelty/entertainment/curiousity value. I've known quite a few young (18-22) Russian girls who came to the US on a student or "work and travel" visa and wanted to stay here. They were beautiful and had no lack of local AM proposing marriage to them so they could solve their status problem easily, but even then they would rather go back home than to marry somebody and make such a committement. The bottom line is that they are just not ready for marriage at that age.
Do younger women get married? Yes, they do at age 17, 18, 19. Off course it happens, but it has to happen naturally i.e you meet at school, start dating, fall madly in love (puppy love is the strongest kind of love!) decide that you can't live without each other and you get married at a tender age. Might be divorced in a few months, but that's not the point.
In an international dating situation like your's there is a very slim chance that you will be able to find a girl under 24 who would take this seriously. You will have a better chance if a girl is unattractive, but nice looking girls do get enough attention from guys, they date, go to school, start their career and in all honesty any foreigner is just a novelty item to them.
usually by the time a girl is 25 y.o. and if she is single, she's had her share of players, bad relationships and abusive men. She now wants a serious relationship and possibly family and she is tired of mostly "the wrong" kind of attention she gets from the local men.
NOW she will look at a nice foreign man differently and if she likes him will entertain the idea of getting to know him and seeing what develops.
I know you are feeling down right now, but think about this - You've got it made because it is so much easier to bring a RW to your country! They actually CAN get a tourist visa to come to you  :party0031:
I personally haven't worked with anyone from Mexico but I helped a guy from Peru to find a cute blondie that fell madly in love with him and they are happily married and living in Peru together. So don't get discouraged. it is possible and quite doable. Try to analize and learn from your mistakes. You are not the first one that went through this. Catman for instance made 2 trips to Ukraine that turned out to be a total waste. But he learned his lesson and now he is celebrating Christmas and New Year in Russia with his sweetheart. So don't give up and persue your dream!

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Mexican about (& at) Russian classmates site
« Reply #40 on: February 28, 2009, 04:49:17 AM »

 According to Manny's book if there is no sexual involment it can mean the girl it is not really interested and this is the case, but I did not wanted to bring any sexual topic in her presence (not even tried to kiss her in the mouth) because even she has some weird behaviour (odnoklassniki, local TV dating shows in which she was a candidate as a potential date for a guy among other girls which I saw part of one by the way a repetition at her dacha only a flash but it was enough to make her blush)


Excuse me, but why are you so sure having a profile at odnoklassniki qualifies as a "weird behaviour"?

It's just a Russian version of graduates.com or classmates.com, actually!


Thinking about it more deeply I think I do not love her either just maybe my pride it'ss the one hurt, otherwise I think I couldn't be able to delete her yesterday from my contacts in odnoklassniki and vkontakte after she sent me no message asking me if I arrived ok to MX and later  when she sent me no congratulation message for my birthday either


Now I'm lost. Why you, a Mexican not speaking Russian, have a profile at odnoklassniki??  ???

Have you graduated from a Russian school? or a Russian university?
Leaving Russia is not an emigration, rather an evacuation.

Offline ECR844

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Re: Mexican about (& at) Russian classmates site
« Reply #41 on: February 28, 2009, 07:54:10 AM »

 According to Manny's book if there is no sexual involment it can mean the girl it is not really interested and this is the case, but I did not wanted to bring any sexual topic in her presence (not even tried to kiss her in the mouth) because even she has some weird behaviour (odnoklassniki, local TV dating shows in which she was a candidate as a potential date for a guy among other girls which I saw part of one by the way a repetition at her dacha only a flash but it was enough to make her blush)


Excuse me, but why are you so sure having a profile at odnoklassniki qualifies as a "weird behaviour"?

It's just a Russian version of graduates.com or classmates.com, actually!


Thinking about it more deeply I think I do not love her either just maybe my pride it'ss the one hurt, otherwise I think I couldn't be able to delete her yesterday from my contacts in odnoklassniki and vkontakte after she sent me no message asking me if I arrived ok to MX and later  when she sent me no congratulation message for my birthday either


Now I'm lost. Why you, a Mexican not speaking Russian, have a profile at odnoklassniki??  ???

Have you graduated from a Russian school? or a Russian university?


"Olga,"


   More than likely he's using the website as a springboard for exposure and potential contacts, dating, etc.., with RW who he might otherwise not have the opportunity to do so. Essentially he's using the site as his modified version of LuckyLovers.Com

Offline Rasputin

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Re: Mexican about (& at) Russian classmates site
« Reply #42 on: February 28, 2009, 08:02:38 AM »
Now I'm lost. Why you, a Mexican not speaking Russian, have a profile at odnoklassniki??  ???

Have you graduated from a Russian school? or a Russian university?

Odnoklassniki is open to anybody, though now from what I read you have to send an SMS to create an account.
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Offline Eduard

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #43 on: February 28, 2009, 08:09:49 AM »
using odnoklassniki isn't really a productive way to meet a single RW IMO
both my wife and I are on this site. It's really good for finding people you grew up with, people you went to school with, served in the military with, connect with Russians who live in your area, etc. But you will find that most women there are either married or in a relationship and I haven't seen any one use that site for meeting other people. You would be much better off on Russian dating sites, At least most of the women are single there and looking for a relationship...but you better speak good Russian if you want to be successful there.

Offline Rasputin

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #44 on: February 28, 2009, 08:17:23 AM »
using odnoklassniki isn't really a productive way to meet a single RW IMO

I agree. If anything, vkontakte would be better as they do have a function that serves for looking for other people who are single and looking IIRC.
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Offline BelleZeBoob

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #45 on: February 28, 2009, 08:42:32 AM »
The Odnoklassniki is distinct by the lowest-calibre spam to their members that I have ever seen, so I cancelled my account.
Men are like Bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like Wi-Fi: she sees all available devices, but connects to the strongest one.

Offline fireeater

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #46 on: February 28, 2009, 09:57:06 AM »
Link was using the site not for contacts but to obtain some more information about the lady he was interested in seeing. Nothing wrong with getting some more knowledge of who you are interested in.

That information is in another thread "is she painting a picture of herself that is not accurate".
 

 

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Re: Mexican about (& at) Russian classmates site
« Reply #47 on: February 28, 2009, 01:18:33 PM »

More than likely he's using the website as a springboard for exposure and potential contacts, dating, etc.., with RW who he might otherwise not have the opportunity to do so.

Essentially he's using the site as his modified version of LuckyLovers.Com


Well, but if Link is using this site for the purpose it has been created for, then it's HIS behaviour which is weird, IMO!
Leaving Russia is not an emigration, rather an evacuation.

Offline froid

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Re: Report from Penza Russia.
« Reply #48 on: February 28, 2009, 11:08:28 PM »
I got the impression that Link was pretty far along in his quest to meet a nice FSU girl when he came.  And then he went, and wasn't really ready for much of it and definitely not ready for the situation he got himself into.  Other than how he reacted to new and different information and situations he was just a regular guy. 
Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. <-Same goes for forums!

Offline alenika

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Re: Mexican about (& at) Russian classmates site
« Reply #49 on: March 01, 2009, 12:36:07 AM »
Essentially he's using the site as his modified version of LuckyLovers.Com
luckylovers.net maybe?
I close eyes to see better