Her case was used to overcome the legal challenge presented by European Connections against IMBRA in Federal court.
Here is her story in her own words
It could take me days to try to explain how the hell I got involved with Mike. It's especially hard to do when people like Helen and Zmejka already doubting heavily everything I might say. What's really weird is that girls (Russian girls) seem to be most skeptical. That's mean!
Believe it or not, SOME teenage girls can actually be naive and easy to manipulate. And that saying would never exist if it was untrue (Любовь зла, полюбишь и козла - Love is tough, you may fall in love with a goat/ jerk) There are sure to be plenty examples in any country, with "inside marriages" - when there is no money involved, and no benefit of location. That's why I'd hope that those of you, who are parents, are very sensitive to their girl's lives.
In my case, there were several factors that had to come together to make it possible. My teen years were, indeed very unhappy - to the point when I still consider I was happier in this marriage then before it. Anyway, I never smoke or took drugs - I avoided mistakes that I could foresee being wrong. Yet, it's a wonder I survived those years because I really tried not to. Now, you can label me insane at this point, I don't care. There is a lot that can go wrong for a person while growing up, and, with no emotional support I can see why people can go insane, or turn to drugs, or even become criminals.
My parents have not divorced, like many; they were actually fairly stable couple, also doing relatively well financially. Yet, I could not have been more isolated from them emotionally. We were worlds apart, I felt alien - to my parents, siblings, schoolmates...
I could never talk to them; reveal my troubles, my fears, and my pain. I had a hurricane sweeping through my soul, breaking everything apart, yet I had to contain it in me and manage to look normal. I don't know why and how it happened but I came to conclusion that I was nothing but a bother to my parents. They never hugged me, kissed me or praised me in any way. I had no idea who I was and was looking at others to let me know, am I a mistake of nature or what, am I smart or dumb, am I pretty or not. I could not just decide on my own, that I'm a person worth living; that wouldn't be "modest" - so I thought. Only others could be objective and give me honest answer. I waited and waited - but there were no indications of good "grade".
So, given the fact, that at school I'm pretty isolated, too - my classmates were all one to two years older then me, making me a kid in their eyes; I wasn't getting any positive feedback either. My grades started falling, too - going from straight "A"s most of my life to B and even C sometimes. I don't see why they wouldn't; I had no energy to live, no desire, no dare... let along study.
10 years ago, I looked exactly the same - I stopped growing at 14. But, see, I had no idea that I'm "young, beautiful and sexy", desirable and worthy. Without that, without any self-esteem, any self-worth - anybody can steer you in just about any direction.
Mike just happened to be in the right place in right time. At that point, I graduated high school at 16, moved out of the house at 17 - didn't want to be a burden to the parents, thought, they might like me more then... So, I tried to make sense of a world and my place in it, myself. I had a strong will power and wanted to change myself, I was mature enough to know that theoretically, my parents do love me; theoretically, I'm not any uglier or dumber then an average person, that I'm just as worthy of love and life.
Again, I only knew it theoretically, I NEVER FELT it. Nobody told me that. I was facing my fears, living along, I learned to talk to people despite being painfully shy, in fact, I was pursuing journalism - very "people" job; and had to constantly pretend I'm not afraid, I'm same as others, and push myself at every level, all while being terrified & frozen with fear inside. Unless you ever experienced it yourself, you will never know what it is like.
Whenever I'd accomplished something, it empowered me to do more.
Still, writing always was and always will be an easier form for me to communicate. And I had pen pals all over Russia at the time, people of all ages and social classes. I wanted to expand my experience and talk to people abroad, from whatever country - and that could help learn a foreign language, too. For a long time, I couldn't find any penal club or any ways to get in touch with new pen pals. I searched old newspapers in libraries - in Soviet Union it was common for students to write letters to other students in Germany, England, Cuba, etc. That old system was no longer working and there was nothing to replace it yet.
At some point, I found an ad for pen pal club, paid an outrageous fee for membership (still in high school, making my own money by taking people's portraits) - and it turned out to be a scam. A couple of years later, there were marriage agencies beginning to appear. Honestly, I was way too young for marriage; I was no going to - until I'm 25 or so. I was not looking for a husband. But I filled out the form, it was free anyway - nothing to loose; but mentioned in "my goals" paragraph that I just looking for friendship and correspondence. As usually, things always work, when you don't expect them to.
My photo and info ended up on the web, at different agency (perhaps, sold), where Mike and others had seen it. I got some letters, was corresponding for a year or more, it helped me to work on myself, not sink in teen insecurities. But, since it was a marriage agency, guys writing to it had different ideas and plans. Sometimes they'd ask to come visit me or for me to visit... that wasn't something I could do, or would be willing to do. Besides, it is more like actual dating, and I was scared as hell to meet anybody for that reason.
Mike was the only one who didn't ask - he just informed me he's coming. By that time, we corresponded for about a year, had a good time, and discussed everything we could think of in our long letters back and forth. Oh, and did I mention he was a writer? And I was planning on going to college for journalism, writing articles in local newspapers, stories & poems for myself? We had a lot in common, or so it seemed.
Nevertheless, I never thought about marrying him, for many reasons - not ready to marry is one, him being so different and so far away, big age difference is another. Not that I minded the age thing - I actually felt easier and safer around older, adults 25-35. I had no idea how to talk to teenagers. Yet, 50-54 was REALLY over the top to even consider any relations, especially of romantic matter. Back then, I didn't analyze all those reasons - but simply didn't even consider us marrying each other one day.
(he was VERY persuasive - he didn't give up, until I got the idea, got attached to him, fall in love with him, considered marrying him ... leading me all the way to the actual wedding. It was the only way it could've worked, and he found exactly the way). I couldn't fight authority and leadership. There is a great Russian saying - наглость города берёт/Arrogance is what brings the victory. It is very true.
Anyway, he announced he is coming; he wants to see Russia, and so on. I was too polite and didn't have the guts to say "don't come see ME, though!", because we were good friends and I didn't want to be rude. I just figured, I will have to be "brave" and act like a normal social person and, perhaps, show him a few things around town, and that be the end of it.
Well, first of all, he showed up way before he told me - of course, I know now, he was on a bride-shopping tour and had seen several other girls before me. I wasn't even home - he came to my apartment address, where even my parents didn't live anymore. Neighbors told him where to find parents; my mom then told him where to find me - another town. That was quite a task.
He had a few days, I was going to be his guide around town - by the way, I didn't speak any English back then, the best I could do is translate our letters with dictionary. (German was my language of choice at high school) He was very sweet, very kind and funny, he wasn't talking about marriage and that kind of stuff, we just spent time together and had fun. And NO, we didn't have sex.
I liked him; he was such a sweetheart, very charming and very safe like a big teddy bear. My Mom met him, she liked him a lot, too - still, none of us were thinking about marriage thing. Don't forget he has great conning talents, which enabled him to impress people and gained trust throughout his whole life, between the convictions (he was even able to convince Oklahoma military association, that he was in Marines for 33 years, while in fact he only served 4 years!)
After he left, we started talking on the phone, I took English classes. In a few months, before I realized it, I was living phone call to phone call. He was so patient, caring, and attentive - he became my life line, helping me get over permanent depression, gain a positive look at life, self-respect and joy overall. And NO, he didn't send me money - unless you count that $5 for mailing expenses.
By the time he brought up the idea of getting a visa, "so you can come visit me, too" - no word about marriage yet, I was very attached to him and in fact, it felt a lot like being in love, except I would not admit it to him or even myself. But all I talked about was Mike, I hugged my pillow as it was him, I felt so much better with him being in my life. He called me Baby; that's what I wanted to be, a baby all over again, with only love and no worries.
Then, as I get a visa, I learn it's a FIANCE visa, surprised but not confronting him.. Then I come, the subject of wedding (THIS time, not even in a distant future) arises and gets more and more serious. My doubts and uncertainties didn't seem to make sense, when I got the guts to express any, which soon I wasn't able to - again, with dumbest idea in the world of not being rude. (Parents, ple-ease, teach your daughters to say no!) Before long, I didn't even know myself, why not to get married - I'm happy, I'm in love, he is such a sweetheart, loving and supportive - just what I always needed.
About the money issue: he lived in a simple small one-bedroom apartment (btw, it's Oklahoma, so it's not like NYC or LA rent prices!), had minimum furniture and belongings, one car and not even remote perspective of getting rich. He confessed me about his $20,000 debt BEFORE getting married and that could have actually played a role, too: I didn't want him to think that I said "No BECAUSE of all that money trouble. If by now marriage to him seemed to be possible, might as well go ahead and do it now, and don't disappoint him or hurt him.
I thought, we could work it out, am used to live modestly if I have to.
My wedding could not have been further away from any Russian girl's dream. My sister had 150 guests - we had two, just enough to sign as witnesses. She had a gorgeous gown - I made my wedding dress by hand (never sewn before). Extended family, friends, relatives there - and here, I knew nobody and none of his family wanted to ever see him again. We didn't have any reception, got one wedding gift, bought 4-inch Wal-Mart cake and went home. I didn't even allow myself to feel disappointed, so it will not somehow show to him and hurt him.
I should have been understanding of his situation - and so I was. Swallowed up wedding disappointment, tried to be as frugal as possible to help him save money to pay off the debt - cooking at home, never going out, to movies, buying any house stuff, or clothes, or shoes only on garage sales for no more then 50c each... And having to bite my tongue when he'd come home with a new floor lamp, fancy notebooks for his writings, or a puppy that needed shots, food, cage, and most of all, attention - while we were gone all day, both working two jobs. It's a whole different story how he literally kicked me out to work, when I was just mortified to be along, not being able to speak English (we never had money for classes) at any satisfactory level, and having to deal with people; when it was hard enough for me to do back in Russia.
I don't know how I got hired; that's where I learned everything. This is also where I have warmed up to people, as everyone was very friendly and patient, very understanding to my language difficulties and adjustment problems. I was in heavens. I felt more at home then I ever did back in Russia. If you have ever been there, you probably noticed how people always seem frustrated, pushy, angry, lashing out on each other (I could never learn that to become comfortable with it, feel the same), how they never smile. Here, I learned to smile - it wasn't a fake plastic smile that I sometimes hear people call American smile; no, it was a happy genuine smile. Because everybody smiled, and said "Hi", and was friendly. I was reborn.
I never felt homesick, never missed anything back home. I had no attachments there, no emotional ties with my family, no close friends, nobody that seemed to care whether I live or die. When I was leaving at Moscow airport, I was VERY shocked to see my Mom crying - does she actually love me?? Until then, I never saw any signs of that, no sympathy, no attachment to me.. In my family, it was almost embarrassing to say "I love you", "I miss you", call loving names. I grew up the same way, so it was much easier for me to say those things in English, because I literally felt as an infant learning life all over again. Actually, that was partially what helped me to learn English faster, and adjust to anything new.
See, I didn't really need somebody very handsome, or rich, or even very educated for that matter, and not really young - just someone who will love me to death and I can be sure of it. I actually thought that his age would make him more likely to love me more, appreciate me, value me, be more understanding to me, and be faithful to me. That was my idea from books, and that's what it seemed like at first.
I actually found pride in a fact that we are different from the rest; that we do have real love, despite what everybody thinks. Our age difference made me feel more secure - he will not go away with some young chick, he already got one! (But guess what - not too long ago I found all of his files& folders, in which he meticulously kept track of which girls and when he was writing to, what about; all while married to ME!!)
It just never occurred to me that people around might find us weird and even disgusting (real comment)... when we'd hug or kiss, hold hands in public. I can definitely see it now why that would be the case. Now, it gives me chills to even think what all those people must have thought of me back then - she is with him, she is a w...., and he must be filthy rich. Then, I was in love and simply didn't see any of that - otherwise, I could not have done it. For some strange reason, it's very important what people think of me - still. Darn it.
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