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Author Topic: Ye Olde Age Difference  (Read 269410 times)

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I/O

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #25 on: May 13, 2007, 05:14:29 PM »
Another comment just as if falls out so to say and that is that it is NOT a safe assumption that ALL or even the majority of Russian women are accepting of larger age gaps.  They most certainly are not.  What I can safely say is there seems generally speaking to be a wider acceptance of a wider age gap among Russian women than we see in the west.

However, I am wholeheartedly against the guys over there continually and specifically chasing young fluff. I frankly find it rather distasteful. 

I don't buy the arguement of being young at heart, because we could all claim that.  The reaility is that to avoid the shots that will come from the smart arses, you do need to work well together, look well together and be well together.

It was for these reasons that I was not too keen on the idea of being involved with anyone more than 10 years my junior.  I vexed long over the fact that later in life I would be wanting to put my feet up with my mug of warm milk and she might be wanting to go dancing.  These things are serious considerations and should IMO not be discounted.  Guys, this is the first time in all of this that you really should be thinking of the "Other" person in the relationship and not yourselves.

The irony for us as a couple is that because we are quite similar in hair colour and a few other features, we have been picked by outsiders as brother and sister on numerous occaisions and not as a couple.  Too funny in my book, but 'tis how 'tis.

I/O

Offline Wild Orchid

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #26 on: May 13, 2007, 05:18:35 PM »
Well Don since both you and I get better looking the older we get it's no surprise to be able to date younger women.   :) 8)

I think sometimes we perceive ourselves as older than we appear.  For example I was talking to a lady the other night at a party she had her two daughters with her 6 and 4 I comment how cute they were and that I remebered when my kids were that age.  When I told her that my son will be sixteen in September and my daughter fourteen next month she couldn't believe I looked old enough to have kids that age.  And believe me there's enough snow on the roof to prove it.  :)

Why couldn't she? I can see your avatar I'm quite sure that I'm yuonger than you and my son will be 19 in a few months. It does make me feel strange that many women of my age are surrounded by todlers in this country but is it really normal?

Offline Wild Orchid

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #27 on: May 13, 2007, 05:30:27 PM »
Big age difference…It all depends of course. It depends on the people and their characters. I was corresponding with one AM and he seemed to be very interesting person, he knew a lot, been to many places but mentioned that if I wanted more children he couldn’t give them too and fail to tell me about his age. After reading that I started to wonder… He had my photos but didn’t sent me his, I asked for them, he found some excuse. Finally I’ve got a couple.. And what did I see? Old man. Like he should be in retirement village or something. He looked like he was pushing 70 or may be was over 70. I was 30 at that time. I got very angry, the first thought.. How dares he even to think that I’d agree to be with someone like that? Later on his profile was in men’s catalogue and his age was 65, well he looked much older than his stated age.

I still wonder why some men think that it is OK to contact a woman who is so much younger than them? My  cuisine got contacted by man who was 27 years older, not only he was old but very unattractive as well… He said that the age is not important to him. Dah… :-\.


Offline Wild Orchid

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #28 on: May 13, 2007, 05:37:11 PM »
11 is a "magic" number in my family. My mom is 11 years older than my husband, I'm 11 years older than my stepson, he is 11 years older than my son.. Why my husband isn't 11 years older than me?  ???

Offline bgreed

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #29 on: May 13, 2007, 07:42:09 PM »
Well Don since both you and I get better looking the older we get it's no surprise to be able to date younger women.   :) 8)

I think sometimes we perceive ourselves as older than we appear.  For example I was talking to a lady the other night at a party she had her two daughters with her 6 and 4 I comment how cute they were and that I remebered when my kids were that age.  When I told her that my son will be sixteen in September and my daughter fourteen next month she couldn't believe I looked old enough to have kids that age.  And believe me there's enough snow on the roof to prove it.  :)

I'm sure you are probably younger than me too (seems most people are these days) :) But just so you know I am fifty.  My son was born just two days before my 35th birthday (yeah I know late starter)

Personally I just think that she was not a real good judge of age.  But I gotta admit it did feel good to hear that.  Though I will tell you that it seems a lot of folks don't take me for my age and give me about  six or seven year to the good. :) ;D :P
Why couldn't she? I can see your avatar I'm quite sure that I'm yuonger than you and my son will be 19 in a few months. It does make me feel strange that many women of my age are surrounded by todlers in this country but is it really normal?

Offline DonA

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #30 on: May 13, 2007, 10:38:50 PM »
Well well well. Ain't this nice ;D 3 pages of mature and open discussion of this highly controversial topic. Not one low blow.
I see alot of solid input, diverse opinions and some good food for thought.

DonAz

I/O

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2007, 10:43:09 PM »
Well well well. Ain't this nice ;D 3 pages of mature and open discussion of this highly controversial topic. Not one low blow.
I see alot of solid input, diverse opinions and some good food for thought.
DonAz

What was that "Trophey Hunter", did you say no low blows?...... ;D ;D ;D

I/O

Offline Donhollio

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2007, 11:00:29 PM »

Shoot, I guess I am doomed then, I'm still only 30....

 Being in our early 30's we may be too young for them or perceived to be too unsettled.  Any others' thoughts on that?   

 Yes it will be a problem for you ,at least it was for a friend I met in Dnepropetrovsk . But he was 25 at the time seeing girls who were in their early 20-27yo. Some girls didn't think he was serious ,even though he was there to meet them.

Yozhik

 Do you still have any contacts back home ? If so I'd be making some calls and go from there.

  Ok so there's talk about age gap , but what's the gap ? I am curious to know what the years are between some of the posters here.   Also did you set out to find a younger girl,or did it just happen that way? What was the first thing that got you started thinking FSUG's?  Would you of dated a woman in her 40's or 50's ? I've seen some really good looking mature women that I'd gladly pounce on :-*  Err ...I mean make love to  ;D

 Show me the numbers !!!

Offline DonA

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #33 on: May 13, 2007, 11:14:08 PM »
Don,
The only reason I made my first trip to Russia was to meet Yulia. I had no intention, ever, to just go to Russia unless it was to meet someone special. Yulia was/is special. If she wasn't I never would have married her. I never had a problem dating women here there or anywhere. I am 25 years (to the day-yep same birthday ;D ) older then Yulia. The uncanny thing is how similar we are in many ways . We both enjoy the same hobbies and share many passions in life.

I know it ain't for everyone but I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful woman.

And No I would not have gone to Russia, or across the street for a woman in her 40's or 50's. It ain't for me.

DonAz


Offline kyivtrip

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #34 on: May 13, 2007, 11:23:53 PM »
Hi Everybody,
New to the board, but have some experience with the topic.

I lived in Europe from '83 to '92.  I was in my late 30s and found that many women there preferred older men.  Of course "older" meant I was in my late 30's - they were in their mid-20s in those days.  The women were genuinely interested in what kind of man I was. 
Married a 28 year old Swiss woman when I was 42.  Nobody seemed to bat an eye.  She went back to Switzerland and I now have a 14 year old daughter living in Zurich.

The question of age did come up, though and the consensus seemed to be (simple version) - older men are more stable, less jealous, usually more financially secure, have been around, have manners and, generally, know more about Life and women.  Here in the US, I find women more interested in the superficial, materialistic appearance than in the person - meaning me  ;D

I am currently corresponding with a few ladies in Ukraine.  It seems, naturally, to be a personal preference thing about the age gap, but not big issue with most women I have been in touch with.  I have had contact with many women in their 30s that have no problem with me in my 50s.  I have been contacted by several women in their early 20s (profiles on agency sites).  Of course some turn out to be scammers, but there has been a few who seemed sincere.  Pretty girls, too !!!

Last September a beautiful 33 year old woman from Nikolayev met me in Yalta.  We spent 3 weeks together.  Half in Nikolayev - dinner at Mamas every night.  We got along great.  I went back and spent Christmas and the New Year with her in Nikolayev.  We got engaged. 
On February 1, she had a stroke and has still not recovered.  It is very sad, but - just an odd thought - I am 56 and, apparently, healthier than some in their 30s.  Go figure.

In the end, I think it is just a matter of finding the person that is a good match - no matter the age.  I told one youngster in Kiev that I thought she was too young for me.  She said that is the stupidest thing she ever heard and that I would have to be crazy not to like a sexy young woman.  She was right  ;)
David   
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Offline DonA

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #35 on: May 13, 2007, 11:56:56 PM »
Hello David and welcome to the neighborhood.

Nice first post BTW ;D

Thanks,

DonAz

Offline pup zemly

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #36 on: May 14, 2007, 01:51:16 AM »
I'll try not to join your talks, or I'll be banned
It is so funny when a 60 yo man writes "I am young at heart". All of us are young at heart.
As for me, I prefer young appearance too.
stop me or I'll say what I think of it

I would like to hear about it, as I am seriously interested in finding a good woman and do not want failure after failure.


I am totally against big age difference. I don't believe that such relations are sincere and honest. I believe every partner of such relations fellows his own purpose

Offline sydneyvontrapp

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #37 on: May 14, 2007, 02:03:38 AM »


I am totally against big age difference. I don't believe that such relations are sincere and honest. I believe every partner of such relations fellows his own purpose
[/quote]

Hello Julie :
    So what do you consider to be YOUR limit on the difference in age for a relationship to be successful?  I'm not ashamed to admit I'm 11 1/2 years older than my fiancee.  Her sister is married to a guy 22 years older than her.
I see them together and think to myself " I've never seen two people happier than these two ".  They finish each others sentences, and when she can't find the exact English word she wants to use he helps her dig it out of her memory.  Will they be together in 10 years?  will Tanya and I ?  There are other factors than age needed to keep the spark alive in a relationship.

.......Dave M.


Offline Chris

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #38 on: May 14, 2007, 02:07:31 AM »
I am totally against big age difference. I don't believe that such relations are sincere and honest. I believe every partner of such relations fellows his own purpose

Large age differences are nothing new!

Age Disparity!!

This is a long post I put together and made a couple of years ago, but worth resurrecting now I believe.

Guys this discussion comes up time and time again, I have said many times and believe age is in the mind IMO, it depends on the individuals concerned, no two are alike etc etc, but don’t for one moment think this is a new phenomenon, look back in history and see the same arguments that have been going on for thousands of years.

Historically, unequal pairings are quite common, if not the rule. In Classical Greece, men would typically marry around the age of thirty, and would take wives in their mid-teens, around half their age. Men in positions of prestige or power have often taken young women as lovers or wives. Similarly, women of influence have also initiated relationships with younger men.

Many arranged marriages have been age-disparate, with the husband being much older than the wife. Recently in Western Male / Russian or FSU relationships the Females have been frequently younger than their husbands.

Age disparity in same-sex male relationships was even more historically common than age similarity in such relationships. (Such relationships were practised in Ancient Greece, pre-Modern Japan, Melanesia, Islamic lands and Renaissance Italy.)

Monarchs have traditionally exercised the freedom to choose younger spouses; Henry VIII, for instance, chose women far younger than himself as some of his wives, and a number of female monarchs have chosen younger consorts. Sultans from the Middle-East maintained entire harems of much younger women.

Other historical examples include John Rolfe and Pocahontas, and Laura Ingalls Wilder and Almanzo Wilder (both ten-year differences) in America; William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway (eight-year difference) in England; and Mohammed, the prophet of Islam, was 15 years younger than his first wife Khadija.

In keeping with modern American mores, a folk formula (sometimes referred to as the Trophy Rule) seems to have evolved so as to compute correct disparities of age between older and younger partners, this being "divide by two and add seven", that is, the younger partner in a relationship should be at least seven years older than half the older partner's age, else the relationship is liable to be subject to moral disapprobation.

The United States Census Bureau's March 2000 statistics show that 800,000 unmarried American couples are more than five years divergent in age, and 7 in 100 of women who have married more than once have a husband six or more years younger than they.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were only seven years different in their ages but apparently believed that it was less socially acceptable for an older woman to marry a younger man, and hence split the difference in their ages and both claimed to have been born in 1914.

There are many factors which draw both young and old into such age-disparate relationships.

Women generally begin to lose fertility as they enter their late twenties, and lose it completely after menopause, while men remain fertile until much later in life, although it declines over time. Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile. Certainly, anyone deliberately looking for a mate to breed with must pick someone of an age of likely fertility. Moreover, senior men, even during prehistoric times, often had access to relationships and resources which would allow for them to foster the growth of their offspring.

Some older partners may seek the connection with the culture of youth, maintaining a connection with the fashion, the music, the media which their age group has ostensibly outgrown. They view the generation gap as an obstacle to overcome, especially if they feel they have "missed out".

Younger partners may be searching for someone who is their superior, either socially or financially more secure, or to provide critical life guidance.

Finally, younger partners may see their relationship with an older person as a way of increasing their status within their society. This phenomenon is colloquially called "gold digging" when it involves a strictly mercenary attitude about money.

Older partners may seek the youth which has escaped them. They may seek the sexual vigor of the young, which partners of their own age group may no longer possess. Younger partners, on the other hand, may be seeking a parent figure, or just somebody to provide life guidance.

In some societies age-disparate relationships are seen as aberrant or even perverse. Historically, the "gold digger" mentality has been frowned upon as being akin to prostitution. The age difference that is generally accepted by modern society varies directly with the age of the individuals involved in the relationship; larger differences are more acceptable with older individuals. For example, while a seven-year difference might be considered unacceptable (even illegal in some places) between a 22-year-old and a 15-year-old, it is less remarkable between a 30-year-old and a 23-year-old, and unnoticed completely between a 78-year-old and a 71-year-old.

Few people are willing to defend cases of age disparity such as between a pre-adolescent and an adult. In cases where both partners are above the local age of consent, however, age-disparate couples are quick to defend the legitimacy of their relationships.

While it is true that some relationships have been labelled as "gold digging" (that is to say, the younger partner's primary interest in the older partner is his/her financial circumstance), a popular adage is "love is blind". For those who feel they are in love, it doesn't matter if their partner is several years older than they are. And as factors such as the divorce rate, changing patterns in dating, and basic incompatibilities affecting personal relationships, the average age difference between prospective partners has also changed.

Many find that the younger partner is appreciative of the life experience and wisdom the older partner brings, and the older partner appreciates the vigor, enthusiasm, and new political, social, and cultural perspectives their young partner has to offer.

Sorry for the long winded response…..but there is no definitive answer to this question or topic, but the top and bottom of it is:- do what is right for you as a couple!! and don’t worry what everyone else thinks as you will never be able to please everyone!!  :)


Chris
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Offline pup zemly

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #39 on: May 14, 2007, 02:07:48 AM »
Julie,

 Your friend Tom has admitted his age is in his late 50's, but it didn't stop you from flirting with him  ;D

 You liked my pic too, even though I am an old man of 39! What is your age Julie, and what is your age preference for a man?

First of all, I didn't flirt with Tom. I just said he looks nice in his pic.  :). I have friends of different ages.
I am 26. I COULD think of marrying a man around 40. But when I think what will happen to him in 10-15 years, when I am still full of power and he is 50-55, I start doubting.
Appearance is also important for me. I am not saying that he must be very handsome, at least I don't want people to think that I am with my father.
if to use rude words, I don't like when a young body is married to an old body. No matter how often you visit a gym, time will take its.
And I dont want to discuss his ilnesses in evenings  :P

Men say that they don't bother his wife to be 10-20 years younger. who doubts? tell me that your wife is 10-15 years older, and you'll be my hero and I'll believe that you really don't care about it.

On the other hand, it is up to every couple.

Big age difference is not for me!  :)
And it is not true that Russian women love older men. Usually the age different of most couples are 0-5 years.

I'll tell you the secrete why Russian women agree to date older men.
A foreign man, being 20-28 years old, is like 16-18 years old Russian men.
Look at Alf, he is such a child.  :P
wow, I am so tolerant on this board ;D

Offline pup zemly

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #40 on: May 14, 2007, 02:13:46 AM »
I am totally against big age difference. I don't believe that such relations are sincere and honest. I believe every partner of such relations fellows his own purpose


Guys this discussion comes up time and time again, I have said many times and believe age is in the mind IMO, it depends on the individuals concerned, no two are alike etc etc, but don’t for one moment think this is a new phenomenon, look back in history and see the same arguments that have been going on for thousands of years.

That's the question of mind, body and money (spent on viagra)  :-*
Please, don't speak about famouse people, married to young women. They had such wives because they had money and power.

True, aren't we tired of discussing this subject?
I don't know if you've heard this: "is it true that innder beauty is more important? no, only ugly people say it". :P


Offline Chris

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #41 on: May 14, 2007, 02:27:24 AM »
Please, don't speak about famouse people, married to young women. They had such wives because they had money and power.

Maybe true, but what I was trying to say was that Age Disparity is not a new phenonemen, it is as old as the hills. ;) Julie, you have already stated it is not for you and that is fine, no problem at all, it is not for everyone, but conversely, it is right for many couples.
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Offline Wild Orchid

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #42 on: May 14, 2007, 03:40:26 AM »
Please, don't speak about famouse people, married to young women. They had such wives because they had money and power.

Maybe true, but what I was trying to say was that Age Disparity is not a new phenonemen, it is as old as the hills. ;) Julie, you have already stated it is not for you and that is fine, no problem at all, it is not for everyone, but conversely, it is right for many couples.
Yes, it is not new but centures ago only men in power and with money could afford very young wives. It seems to be the same way in our life-time as well.

Question to every man. Would she marry you if you were poor russian plumber/driver/ machinist?

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #43 on: May 14, 2007, 03:45:32 AM »
I would not know for sure, but I would think yes since I am not looking for a girl far outside my own age/class.
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Offline Chris

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #44 on: May 14, 2007, 04:06:34 AM »
Please, don't speak about famouse people, married to young women. They had such wives because they had money and power.

Maybe true, but what I was trying to say was that Age Disparity is not a new phenonemen, it is as old as the hills. ;) Julie, you have already stated it is not for you and that is fine, no problem at all, it is not for everyone, but conversely, it is right for many couples.

Yes, it is not new but centures ago only men in power and with money could afford very young wives. It seems to be the same way in our life-time as well.


I am not convinced that is true WO...I have spoken to many RW in my travels to Russia and Ukraine and even spent a lot of time with RW in my own country and the opinion I seem to get from asking them about this and similar subjects is that they are not interestest per se in wealth, but as long as the guy has just enough (not millions) to support them without them having to ask all the time for money or to buy things for the home, children, or just for basic living.

In fact I had a Ukrainian lady stay with me for around 5 - 6 weeks who had actually had a relationship with a UK businessman who was a multi millionaire, she finished it because she was sick and tired of him talking about money all the time and because of that fact he was totally boring to be with and she said he was obsessed with the fact that he was wealthy.

She was one of the ones who told me she would much prefer to live the rest of her life with a good intelligent, caring man who knew what family values were all about, and had good morals first and money was secondary, her actual words to me were "I am not interested in how much money someone has, all I want is it to be just enough!"

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Offline Turboguy

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #45 on: May 14, 2007, 05:16:00 AM »
I have actually met two Russian women who told me that they were not willing to accept a rich man, they preferred a poor or average man and just wanted to live an average life.   Both were also quite open on age differences.

A long time ago I saw a brief history of the first of my ancestors to come to America.  He came from Londonderry about 1806, married, had two kids.  She died when he was in his 40's.   He married the 16 year old neighbor girl and they were together about 35 years and had 5 kids together. 

Julie, thanks for sharing your perspective on things.  I do agree that a big age difference is not for everyone and not even right for the majority of the women.   There are women who will accept that and they are not always motivated by money.   Of course there are some women who are money motivated some will and some will not accept an age difference.

I/O

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #46 on: May 14, 2007, 07:00:19 AM »
Don:  You've been surprised by the civility of this thread, but I am wondering if this photo below is you? ;D ;D ;D

Offline kyivtrip

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #47 on: May 14, 2007, 07:03:22 AM »
Hi Everybody,
Julie makes a point that I didn't cover.  I am contacting women over 35.  The women I am communicating with that are under 35 have contacted me.

I think that a 26 year old woman will be a different person at 30 and, again, at 35.  I know this is a generalization, but, in my opinion, by the time a person is 35 or so they have become much more settled into their own beliefs and value system.  They have much more experience and have sorted out their own priorities.  I find that these 35+ year old women in Ukraine - and I have spent time with over a dozen at this point - are interested in finding a man they can live with because of who he is, not because of any superficial list of qualifications such as age, hair color, shoes, etc.

Picture of me and Lilia (pre-stroke) attached from last December at her Mother's house in Nikolayev.  We were quite happy - this was our 5th week together - so I can't say we would have been happy forever, but it was looking good.

David

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Offline Manny

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #48 on: May 14, 2007, 10:58:53 AM »
Quote from: Wild Orchid
Question to every man. Would she marry you if you were poor russian plumber/driver/ machinist?

An excellent point made by a woman that should be noted. I have yet to see a big age gap where the man is average or low income. All our examples here are rather affluent.
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Offline KenC

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Re: Ye Olde Age Difference
« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2007, 11:02:02 AM »
Why do we older men marry such young women?  Because we can!

At 55 my guidelines for looking for a woman (if I were in that position) would be an age of late 30's to mid 40's.  There are plenty of good looking women in that age group and I would have the most in common with them.  Personally, I think a woman reaches her peak beauty around 40, but that is just me.

So how did I end up with such a young and beautiful wife?  Sh!t happens, I guess.  I wouldn't trade the last 8 1/2 years together with Lena for anything in this world BTW.  Has it been difficult?  Oh yes and at times very frustrating, but in the end worth every tear and frazzled nerve.  There is no other good reason to tempt fate in a large age gap marriage than for love. 

If your motivation in seeking a much younger wife is to turn back the hands of time, then you are a fool.  I have news for you, you are as old as your birth certificate says.  No amount of works outs, thinking young, hair dye or plastic surgery will change the facts.

If her motivation for accepting a large age gap is financially rooted, your marriage will be doomed to fail.  Once she gets here and gets acclimated to your country, there will always be the temptation for a richer man or a rich man closer to her age.  Only love will keep you together.

Large age gap marriages are hard.  Damn hard.  Not too many can pull it off.  Most will fail.  If it doesn't fail from internal short comings then the many outside forces will surly destroy it.  Her young friends will eventually convince her that she can do better (younger) than you.  Or your insecurities will eat you alive.  Is she being faithful?  Because you know she will be hit on constantly here in America,

Our marriage and relationship works only because we are madly in love.  I am confident enough to actually think I deserve such a great woman.  I am also smart enough to understand that my wife needs a life of her own too.  She has her interests and I have mine.  We do not need to smother each other 24/7.  I have had the patience to stand by her as she has matured over the years too.  What we have together is something very special but also an aberration.  I don't recommend it for the weak of heart.
KenC


 

 

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