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Author Topic: Ukrainian stepson & military  (Read 6499 times)

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Offline Ralph Kramden

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Ukrainian stepson & military
« on: May 08, 2007, 02:28:24 PM »
Is it possible my stepson can enlist in the US military at age 17 and complete his education there? Will he have an easier time getting a permanent green card while in the military?
I am thinking it is his best alternative since he refuses to do homework or turn in assignments. He treats school as a big joke.
The military will not be as lax as some of his teachers. It may be a way for him to grow as a person and he seems to like the idea of being in the military.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Online BC

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2007, 03:21:54 PM »
SOC,

It's not often that I feel compelled to join a board for one post.

You are looking at symptoms and not the problem.  Work on finding the problem instead of looking at ways to distance yourself from them.

Over and out..


Offline Brasscasing

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2007, 03:31:49 PM »
My understanding of U.S. military minimum enlistment standards is 17yoa with parental consent.  Once he's inducted though it would be up to him to sign on with any continuing education or programs. I'm not sure if there is any minimum education level (for enlisted personnel) and don't know anything about the greencard or whether it would help him or not.  As to enlistment in general, make sure he and your spouse (and you for that matter) are aware that joining at this time would most likely require at least one tour of duty in an operational theatre.

Brass
“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."  ~ John Diefenbaker

P.S....Unless you happen to live in Quebec and are subject to the Quebec Charter Of Values, of course.


Offline bgreed

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2007, 04:36:53 PM »
Unfortunately the US military now has an opt out program for those that feel they made a mistake in enlisting.  Usually because they can't stand a little disipline or have no disipline.  And of course with our "time out card" "sarge your being to rough on me I think I need a time out"  I'm beginning to think the boy scouts might be a tougher organization.

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2007, 05:51:32 PM »
BC, I am so glad you could join for one post. If you lived with my stepson 24/7 you might understand the nature of my post. I really think joining the military or maybe even a military school might be the best thing for him.

One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Turboguy

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2007, 08:20:41 PM »
I have seen time in the military make some big changes in people.   Often boys at that age enjoy it anyway.  It can let them live out the fantacys they see when the watch some of the more macho flicks on the boob tube.

He has no where he wants to go with his life anyway.   I would look into it if your better half is in favor of it.

Offline KenC

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2007, 07:36:43 AM »
Ralph,
Sorry to hear of your troubles.  Step parenting is tough.  Especially tough with older (teenage) kids.  A fact that is sometimes overlooked in this process.  You do the newbies a great service by posting your problems in this area here.  Good luck.
KenC

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2007, 07:48:29 AM »
Things have been very cool between us for some time. I think to distance myself yet still be there for him as a provider is the best answer. If he sees I am more receptive when he shows me some respect it may reinforce his good behavior. He has the same issues with his teachers. I don't think he thinks the US educational system is something to be serious about. This results in a constant barrage of emails from the school regarding his disruptive behavior. He is the class clown and thinks nothing of interrupting the teacher.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline KenC

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #8 on: May 09, 2007, 10:33:03 AM »
Ralph,
Being the class clown and displaying disruptive behavior is a cry for attention.  Is there any positive ways to gove the boy some attention?  I am thinking sports or hobbies.  IMO distancing yourself from him is the opposite of what you should be doing.
KenC

Offline Maxx

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2007, 02:23:23 PM »

You should get a father son hobby that he would like. I would suggest building a drag race car. That is a car that can only be driven at the strip and NOT street. This  isn't cheap of course but neither is military school (I heard about 20K tutition). It could also be done over time and it could always be sold later. Anyway I think a hobby like this could be attractive to his macho instincts. Take him to a drag strip and find out. Allot of time there are partially finished cars with roll cages that are for sale at reasonable prices. All you got to do is add a drive train etc. This boy seems to need to blow off steam and swing dancing won't do it for him.


Maxx 

Offline Brasscasing

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2007, 02:49:08 PM »
 You haven't mentioned what your wife's position is.  Is she on the same page with you as far as responsibility, discipline and raising him? Some questions I'd be asking myself would be; Who's he hangin' with?  Do his friends act the same way at school? Has there been significant changes in his report cards (for better or worse)?  What's his course load and is it too challenging or not challenging enough?  That's just for starters.
 Respect from a 17 year old teenager?...Novel idea. :)

Brass
“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."  ~ John Diefenbaker

P.S....Unless you happen to live in Quebec and are subject to the Quebec Charter Of Values, of course.

Offline Jet

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2007, 09:07:22 PM »
You haven't mentioned what your wife's position is.  Is she on the same page with you as far as responsibility, discipline and raising him? Some questions I'd be asking myself would be; Who's he hangin' with?  Do his friends act the same way at school? Has there been significant changes in his report cards (for better or worse)?  What's his course load and is it too challenging or not challenging enough?  That's just for starters.
 Respect from a 17 year old teenager?...Novel idea. :)

Brass

Agree with all of the above!
You might also look into Catholic school as they tend to tolerate a lot less BS without as large a possibility of being returned to you in a box. Politics aside, this ain't the best time in history to be sending a boy who doesn't like to follow the rules into the military.
The most vociferous protestations invariably come from the worst offenders ~ Alcee Hastings - US house of Representatives

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2007, 07:33:38 AM »
I am hoping this war will be over by the time he turns 17.

Maxx, the racing car idea is cool as long as there is a cute girl sitting next to him. In other words, he has discovered girls. I think his interest in cars is on the back burner now. What he needs is a girlfriend who is cute and brainy and can tutor him.

The wife is on the same page as far as the military idea. In Ukraine it is an honor and mandatory to enlist in the military. Mom is taking more of an interest in his education. She has spoken with two of his teachers already.

If it is a communication thing I think it is wrong to keep him in a school where he will not change his behavior. I went to school with a kid who was 18 and still in the 8th grade. Sometimes a kid has to experience life, get a full-time job and receive his GED at night.

My question is if you should keep a kid in school who will not change his behavior? He is disrupting the teacher, the class is basically in turmoil until the teacher can regain control.

Jet, you may be on to something I will check this out for next school year.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Brasscasing

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2007, 09:22:19 AM »
My question is if you should keep a kid in school who will not change his behavior? He is disrupting the teacher, the class is basically in turmoil until the teacher can regain control.

 Two thoughts here Ralph.  Yes.  I do believe that it is important to keep him in school.  GEDs are not worth much anymore.  If he wants higher education he will require an accredited school transcript.  GEDs are fine for people who need certain grade 12 courses to qualify for certain programs, courses and trades, however, it was never meant to replace a high school diploma and transcript.  In this day and age a GED just doesn't cut it.
 Alright, It's easy to type this post and an entirely different matter trying to implement it
in real life. So, I'll just say there comes a time when, if he is disrupting others as you say and causing turmoil generally, you as the father and head of the household have to sit him down and make it clear to him that his behaviour is not acceptable.  How you do this is up to you.  Firm, fair and friendly worked for me with my two boys.  However, if you give an ultimatum or corrective action, stick with it. To back down or not follow through would be a disaster. In effect, until he starts paying taxes and supporting himself you are the alpha male, he applies himself or there will be consequences.
 Jet's ideas on catholic schooling is good advise, sometimes a fresh start can solve the problem.

Brass
“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."  ~ John Diefenbaker

P.S....Unless you happen to live in Quebec and are subject to the Quebec Charter Of Values, of course.

Offline Maxx

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2007, 03:03:11 PM »
My impression is he is physically bigger than Ralph and making him sit down and listen won't work any better than it does for his teachers. He could get physical right Ralph? Has he ever threatened this? What I am seeing is that Ralph is suggesting getting him into an environment that is run by other Alpha males and mold him before it gets too late.


Maxx

Offline Turboguy

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2007, 04:31:54 PM »
He is a very big boy and may not have finished growing yet.   Ralph, have you talked to him about what he wants?   It would not do any good to want him to go into the military or to a military school if he is totally against it.   Does he ever talk about what he wants to do with his life?

Offline Brasscasing

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2007, 04:39:38 PM »
My impression is he is physically bigger than Ralph and making him sit down and listen won't work any better than it does for his teachers. He could get physical right Ralph? Has he ever threatened this? What I am seeing is that Ralph is suggesting getting him into an environment that is run by other Alpha males and mold him before it gets too late.


Maxx

Good point Maxx.  I sometimes forget this can be the case.  ;D  If he has threatened violence it changes everything. 
*Edited for content by the author*

Brass
“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."  ~ John Diefenbaker

P.S....Unless you happen to live in Quebec and are subject to the Quebec Charter Of Values, of course.

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2007, 12:26:16 PM »
I clearly remember him backing me into a corner more than once.
I had a choice of talking my way out or pushing him away. I asked him to move several times and finally chose to push him away. He is several inches taller than me and always lets me know he could kill my ass if he wanted to because he has a brown belt. I am not a weakling and wear a brown belt all the time. Excepting, mine is a leather belt.

The one time I tried to be forceful and said in no uncertain terms that I was the breadwinner and man of the house, he almoist fell on the floor laughing. Whenever I mention that I am feeding and giving him a home his answer is that it is what I am supposed to do.

A funny story. We went to a nice Chinese restaurant. I brought half of my food home to take to work for lunch.  The next morning I went to the fridge to get my leftovers and was told he had already eaten it the night before after we returned home.

He knows how to press the anger button.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #18 on: May 14, 2007, 12:53:21 PM »
I have been told that men who were single for a long period of time are not used to sharing. This could be partly my fault in not clearly telling him the leftover Chinese food was mine for work. I assumed he would have known this. The key seems to be the apartment we live in. I have no office of my own. I think having a space of my own would solve some of the problem. It is too cramped at times. My pc is in the living room with the television set with digital cable. I have never set limits on his television time (or my computer time) so he will sit in front of the living room television for 5 hours at a time. He gets tired of the basic cable in his room with only 100 channels. We are all going house hunting very soon.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline KenC

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #19 on: May 14, 2007, 01:22:54 PM »
Ralph,
First let me say my heart goes out to you and your situation.  That being said, I would never have another person in my home that I ever had to kow tow to.  I know understand your thoughts regarding military school and such.

I do not think you can hold the eating of your Chinese food against the boy though.  If you had made him aware that you were counting on that being your lunch, it would be a different story.  Teenage boys are good for three things: eating you out of house and home, firmly planting their butts in front of the TV and lipping off at every possible moment.

I also do not suggest you hide yourself in an office, but I do see the conflict in the TV time too.  Good luck with this.
KenC

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #20 on: May 14, 2007, 03:44:16 PM »
I miss Ed Norton.
He was very goofy but he never challenged me unless he was sleepwalking.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Brasscasing

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #21 on: May 14, 2007, 04:36:54 PM »
I clearly remember him backing me into a corner more than once.
I had a choice of talking my way out or pushing him away. I asked him to move several times and finally chose to push him away. He is several inches taller than me and always lets me know he could kill my ass if he wanted to because he has a brown belt. I am not a weakling and wear a brown belt all the time. Excepting, mine is a leather belt.

The one time I tried to be forceful and said in no uncertain terms that I was the breadwinner and man of the house, he almost fell on the floor laughing. Whenever I mention that I am feeding and giving him a home his answer is that it is what I am supposed to do.

A funny story. We went to a nice Chinese restaurant. I brought half of my food home to take to work for lunch.  The next morning I went to the fridge to get my leftovers and was told he had already eaten it the night before after we returned home.

He knows how to press the anger button.

Ralph,
We have clearly moved beyond the realm of offering/accepting friendly advice on a forum.  You have a situation here my friend that requires professional intervention.  I only hope that whatever course of action you do choose, you resolve this situation quickly and get your life and family back on track.

Brass
“I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."  ~ John Diefenbaker

P.S....Unless you happen to live in Quebec and are subject to the Quebec Charter Of Values, of course.

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2007, 07:38:52 AM »
I don't think you realize Russian/Ukrainian people do not believe in outside help. They don't trust medical doctors or therapists. I only posted this because my stepson may be acting this way because of being Ukrainian in a world that thinks he is stupid because he has an accent. He has told me he is not dumb jusrt because he has an accent. I think it is more than a typical 16 year old problem because the problem is compounded with a feeling of alienation to some extent. He is only this year making a lot of friends in the neighborhood. The first year he spent mostly in his room. I may sound like I hate him but I am searching for help without them seeing a therapist. I am thinking maybe I need to go to the therapist on the sly. I do know a very good Russian marriage therapist who has spoken with me once or twice. I have given up on taking my family to therapy. I think I can gain more insight on my own. 
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Ralph Kramden

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2007, 07:41:50 AM »
I really think the forum needs to know that therapy is not easily accepted by most Russian/Ukrainian people. They actually think we are crazy for seeing a therapist.
One of these days, Alice. Pow! Zoom! To the moon.

Offline Chris

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Re: Ukrainian stepson & military
« Reply #24 on: May 15, 2007, 08:51:55 AM »
I really think the forum needs to know that therapy is not easily accepted by most Russian/Ukrainian people. They actually think we are crazy for seeing a therapist.

It is not just Russians and Ukrainians Ralph, it is us Brits too ;D I don't know any that have ever been to a therapist!

I hope you work out your problems though Ralph with your Step son, god knows teenagers are hard work at the best of times, I know I have had three of them, still have one ;) but personally I would never dream of seeing a therapist for anything.
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