How Attractive or Why are YOU to Women?

[Steveboy]

No one mentioned the sexual side of things  a hot women may require? 

[andrewfi]

No one mentioned the sexual side of things  a hot women may require? 

Hotness =/= horniness, except in our fantasies.

An odd thing perhaps, but a woman's libido seems to increase with age, at least until her 40's. That'd fit with my experience.
Can an older bloke keep up? Hard with a horny 40 years old for many men who seem to be happy with about 3 orgasms per week once they are out of their teens.

As one who seems to be rather unaverage in this regard, it seems to me that the difference between one person and another are greater than the age-related differences. So, compatibility in libido is less about age but more about the individual.
http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

This article is interesting, but not entirely in accord with the Time piece, but is based upon anecdotal data: https://the-intimacy-coach.com/female-sexuality-peak/ However it makes good points about emotional connection and stress which are certainly true and apply to men as well (albeit not mentioned by the writer).

Bottom line, if the relationship is good then good things will happen.

[msmoby]

Any bum can keep a girl for a few months maybe even a few years.
A few here are proof of that.

That's an amazinngly frank admission ...

Why not tell us - who - other than your own ( unwitting ) self-depreciation - are 'bums' on here and why ..?

That should liven things up ..

[msmoby]

Hotness =/= horniness, except in our fantasies.

An odd thing perhaps, but a woman's libido seems to increase with age, at least until her 40's. That'd fit with my experience.

Quelle surprise...not mine .. But then I am in a relationship with someone closer in age ..   



There's nothing odd, or average about most people's sex drive.. only those that feel the need to suggest they ARE not average ...

[NS1]

Any bum can keep a girl for a few months maybe even a few years.
A few here are proof of that.

That's an amazinngly frank admission ...

Why not tell us - who - other than your own ( unwitting ) self-depreciation - are 'bums' on here and why ..?

That should liven things up ..

I never referenced myself or anyone else for that matter.
I have been here long enough to think of a few, but pointing it out serves no purpose.
Of course your whole posting efforts prove that pointing it out gives you something to go on about.

Simple really, each person can look in the mirror and tell the truth or lie.
You should try it

[NS1]

I mentioned sexual compatibility, which I believe is accurate.
Age in studies indicate as said above, but in reality being sexually
compatible regardless of age is important.

90% of divorce is caused by sex or money.
Fighting over either rarely ends well.

[andrewfi]

Hotness =/= horniness, except in our fantasies.

An odd thing perhaps, but a woman's libido seems to increase with age, at least until her 40's. That'd fit with my experience.

Quelle surprise...not mine .. But then I am in a relationship with someone closer in age ..   



There's nothing odd, or average about most people's sex drive.. only those that feel the need to suggest they ARE not average ...

moby, by definition, what you wrote there makes no sense. In almost every aspect of life, there is a mean number, the average around which most people will cluster. There will be people who fall above or below the mean, this too is normal. That does not make people strange, or as you put it 'odd'. You just do not know English too well. Perhaps in the dialect spoken only by one person in the world, Natural English, the word 'odd' means something different?

Given that you have not known your current target for long enough to know, how can you give any reference to how horny, or hot, she might have been many years ago? Did she tell you that she used to be much hornier until she met you? Is that something about which you should brag?

Do you believe that women you find unattractive have no sex drive? How self-centred and, well, sociopathic can that be? You are telling us that women experience high libido only in relation to your perception of their attractiveness. Really, you need help.

[AvHdB]

Any bum can keep a girl for a few months maybe even a few years.
A few here are proof of that.

That's an amazinngly frank admission ...

Why not tell us - who - other than your own ( unwitting ) self-depreciation - are 'bums' on here and why ..?

That should liven things up ..

I never referenced myself or anyone else for that matter.
I have been here long enough to think of a few, but pointing it out serves no purpose.
Of course your whole posting efforts prove that pointing it out gives you something to go on about.

Simple really, each person can look in the mirror and tell the truth or lie.
You should try it

An elegant and brilliant reply!

Please come over to the Car Chat thread. It is interesting and you have a good perspective.

[Guile]

[
Of course your whole posting efforts prove that pointing it out gives you something to go on about.

Simple really, each person can look in the mirror and tell the truth or lie.

ouch burn Moby!!  guess that comment hit him too close to home. truth hurts don't it.

[msmoby]

moby, by definition, what you wrote there makes no sense. In almost every aspect of life, there is a mean number, the average around which most people will cluster. There will be people who fall above or below the mean, this too is normal. That does not make people strange, or as you put it 'odd'. You just do not know English too well. Perhaps in the dialect spoken only by one person in the world, Natural English, the word 'odd' means something different?

Makes absolute sense, contextually ...what you might perceive as 'high' might be another's normal...

Given that you have not known your current target for long enough to know, how can you give any reference to how horny, or hot, she might have been many years ago?

I can only compare any lady I have experienced over a period of, say, 5 years or more.. the better one knows someone...the deeper the trust...the greater the experience .. I hope you can ( one day)  experience a relationship for long enough to find this out for yourself...

Did she tell you that she used to be much hornier until she met you? Is that something about which you should brag?

Having had past relationships aplenty we made it a rule not to discuss past relationships and to concentrate on the present and future..

Do you believe that women you find unattractive have no sex drive? How self-centred and, well, sociopathic can that be?

I have no interest in discovering how 'grateful' / 'hot' an unattractive ( to me) woman might be...I like to wake up to a woman who doesn't make me feel, "WTF am I doing here?"

You are telling us that women experience high libido only in relation to your perception of their attractiveness. Really, you need help.

You are telling us what I think, again...You record on that score is pretty lousy..

I AM saying my perception of hot is not yours.. 

[andrewfi]

I have been having a play with Tinder. To my absolute surprise, I have ended up meeting a very nice woman with whom I am having a great time.

In going through the process I learned some stuff. Some things were pretty much expected and some were surprises.

First thing, there are loads of very nice looking women from all sorts of backgrounds and with all kinds of goals from the site. There are women looking for a sugar daddy, some just want a hookup, some want a knight in shining armour, lots of 'damaged' people.

There's something like 50 men on the site for every woman. I don't know that at first hand, it is from elsewhere and might not be absolutely accurate, but the women have lots of choices.

Loads of the blokes appear to be very much the classic 'loser'. The unemployed, users, abusers and generally shiftless types. But decent guys are out there. The woman I met, her last long term relationship was with a guy from Tinder. She is still friendly with the bloke but accepts that he is something of a user and that her personality type makes her somewhat liable to meet those guys - but she knows how to end such relationships without too much damage.

When I was looking I set the age range deliberately wide in order to see what kind of fish my bait was good for. I have had zero response from women close to my age. All my responses have been from women aged from 21 to 35.

The woman I met had been in discussions with 4 other guys and I made the cut because she determined that I wasn't just after sex and that I was not entirely shiftless.

The way a guy looks seems to not be the highest priority for many, if not most women, as usual, they have other preferences that they prioritise higher.

Soooo many women got a left swipe from me because of the crap they put in the profile. They send out a homing signal to abusers with messages such as 'please don't disappoint me like every other man' or 'only seeking serious relationships'. I swiped left on most of those because these, to my mind are damaged women who will get more damaged from abusers who see a ready target where all they have to do is say 'I'm not one of those guys'. I didn't want to be involved with such women. Also, any profile that says she is only looking for serious relationships- what is she expecting? Every relationship starts out with a meeting. There's no way to prejudge it. Most relationships end within a few dates. These women are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy that ends with unhappiness.

I was very surprised to not get any responses from women close to my age - but it seems like many of the presentable women in that range are looking for guys younger than themselves.

I have had interesting and fun chats with some girls in the 20-25 age range. Some, possibly all, could have been developed into meetings.

Some contacts I blew up by not understanding the etiquette. As I learned, the number of successful contacts increased. Not much I can say in terms of saying what works, it is pretty much a matter of sensitivity to the context. For example, one girl told me 'its all about the money'. I assumed she was on the game (there's more than a few that are or are seeking a sugar daddy/sponsorship arrangement.) She blew me out when I asked whether she wanted to meet at her place or a hotel.

There are quite a few land whales and the younger version, the fat fairy. I have become quite keen on fat fairies.

Guys over here do not seem to understand that sponsorship/sugar daddy does not mean prostitute. Women seeking an arrangement also want an emotional connection. But the blokes just want a shag for money. There's easier better routes to paid sex than Tinder.

You seem to get more matches the more active you are. So, swipe right a lot. Weed 'em out if they choose you but you're not interested. I'd be surprised if the algorithm didn't also push down members who do that too much and don't initiate a conversation with a too high proportion of matches.

The bottom line for meeting women seems to be this:
1) Looks are absolutely not everything.
2) Appearing to be solvent is an aphrodisiac, but bragging is a turnoff so signal carefully rather than shouting about it.
3) Even if you just want sex, don't make it obvious. In conversation, focus on emotional needs and optimistic futures.
4) If you say you're going to do something, do it - even if it is just to continue a chat later on, or the next day.
5) Don't appear needy, by my age I am expected to be in control of my life and very few normal women are into building work!

[Halo]

Also, any profile that says she is only looking for serious relationships- what is she expecting? Every relationship starts out with a meeting. There's no way to prejudge it. Most relationships end within a few dates. These women are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy that ends with unhappiness.

All she is expecting is someone who is looking for a long term relationship, rather than casual sex.  It doesn't mean she expects the man responding to commit to her on the first date.

[Steveboy]

I have been having a play with Tinder. To my absolute surprise, I have ended up meeting a very nice woman with whom I am having a great time.

In going through the process I learned some stuff. Some things were pretty much expected and some were surprises.

First thing, there are loads of very nice looking women from all sorts of backgrounds and with all kinds of goals from the site. There are women looking for a sugar daddy, some just want a hookup, some want a knight in shining armour, lots of 'damaged' people.

There's something like 50 men on the site for every woman. I don't know that at first hand, it is from elsewhere and might not be absolutely accurate, but the women have lots of choices.

Loads of the blokes appear to be very much the classic 'loser'. The unemployed, users, abusers and generally shiftless types. But decent guys are out there. The woman I met, her last long term relationship was with a guy from Tinder. She is still friendly with the bloke but accepts that he is something of a user and that her personality type makes her somewhat liable to meet those guys - but she knows how to end such relationships without too much damage.

When I was looking I set the age range deliberately wide in order to see what kind of fish my bait was good for. I have had zero response from women close to my age. All my responses have been from women aged from 21 to 35.

The woman I met had been in discussions with 4 other guys and I made the cut because she determined that I wasn't just after sex and that I was not entirely shiftless.

The way a guy looks seems to not be the highest priority for many, if not most women, as usual, they have other preferences that they prioritise higher.

Soooo many women got a left swipe from me because of the crap they put in the profile. They send out a homing signal to abusers with messages such as 'please don't disappoint me like every other man' or 'only seeking serious relationships'. I swiped left on most of those because these, to my mind are damaged women who will get more damaged from abusers who see a ready target where all they have to do is say 'I'm not one of those guys'. I didn't want to be involved with such women. Also, any profile that says she is only looking for serious relationships- what is she expecting? Every relationship starts out with a meeting. There's no way to prejudge it. Most relationships end within a few dates. These women are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy that ends with unhappiness.

I was very surprised to not get any responses from women close to my age - but it seems like many of the presentable women in that range are looking for guys younger than themselves.

I have had interesting and fun chats with some girls in the 20-25 age range. Some, possibly all, could have been developed into meetings.

Some contacts I blew up by not understanding the etiquette. As I learned, the number of successful contacts increased. Not much I can say in terms of saying what works, it is pretty much a matter of sensitivity to the context. For example, one girl told me 'its all about the money'. I assumed she was on the game (there's more than a few that are or are seeking a sugar daddy/sponsorship arrangement.) She blew me out when I asked whether she wanted to meet at her place or a hotel.

There are quite a few land whales and the younger version, the fat fairy. I have become quite keen on fat fairies.

Guys over here do not seem to understand that sponsorship/sugar daddy does not mean prostitute. Women seeking an arrangement also want an emotional connection. But the blokes just want a shag for money. There's easier better routes to paid sex than Tinder.

You seem to get more matches the more active you are. So, swipe right a lot. Weed 'em out if they choose you but you're not interested. I'd be surprised if the algorithm didn't also push down members who do that too much and don't initiate a conversation with a too high proportion of matches.

The bottom line for meeting women seems to be this:
1) Looks are absolutely not everything.
2) Appearing to be solvent is an aphrodisiac, but bragging is a turnoff so signal carefully rather than shouting about it.
3) Even if you just want sex, don't make it obvious. In conversation, focus on emotional needs and optimistic futures.
4) If you say you're going to do something, do it - even if it is just to continue a chat later on, or the next day.
5) Don't appear needy, by my age I am expected to be in control of my life and very few normal women are into building work!

     Go for it!! If your single living in a foreign country Tinder can be like heaven!! It's not just for casual sex..though if your living in another country where the women are nice you can go have a **** every night.. .  People aways say you cannot meet serious people on Tinder or you cannot meet a serious women at a night club .. of course you  can.. it's like saying serouse women never go to night clubs or bars?? dont they? Where do they go then on the weekend with friends? Church..

[NS1]

I have been having a play with Tinder. To my absolute surprise, I have ended up meeting a very nice woman with whom I am having a great time.

In going through the process I learned some stuff. Some things were pretty much expected and some were surprises.

First thing, there are loads of very nice looking women from all sorts of backgrounds and with all kinds of goals from the site. There are women looking for a sugar daddy, some just want a hookup, some want a knight in shining armour, lots of 'damaged' people.

You're quite correct, odds are just lower. If you like to gamble go wherever.
I have never been on Tinder, but a few guys from work are age range,
22 to 45 each of them use it as a hook up site. They use  other sites in search of
better or more serious. From that I gather its better to look where you want, based on what you want.


There's something like 50 men on the site for every woman. I don't know that at first hand, it is from elsewhere and might not be absolutely accurate, but the women have lots of choices.

Loads of the blokes appear to be very much the classic 'loser'. The unemployed, users, abusers and generally shiftless types. But decent guys are out there. The woman I met, her last long term relationship was with a guy from Tinder. She is still friendly with the bloke but accepts that he is something of a user and that her personality type makes her somewhat liable to meet those guys - but she knows how to end such relationships without too much damage.

When I was looking I set the age range deliberately wide in order to see what kind of fish my bait was good for. I have had zero response from women close to my age. All my responses have been from women aged from 21 to 35.

The woman I met had been in discussions with 4 other guys and I made the cut because she determined that I wasn't just after sex and that I was not entirely shiftless.

The way a guy looks seems to not be the highest priority for many, if not most women, as usual, they have other preferences that they prioritise higher.

Soooo many women got a left swipe from me because of the crap they put in the profile. They send out a homing signal to abusers with messages such as 'please don't disappoint me like every other man' or 'only seeking serious relationships'. I swiped left on most of those because these, to my mind are damaged women who will get more damaged from abusers who see a ready target where all they have to do is say 'I'm not one of those guys'. I didn't want to be involved with such women. Also, any profile that says she is only looking for serious relationships- what is she expecting? Every relationship starts out with a meeting. There's no way to prejudge it. Most relationships end within a few dates. These women are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy that ends with unhappiness.

I was very surprised to not get any responses from women close to my age - but it seems like many of the presentable women in that range are looking for guys younger than themselves.

I have had interesting and fun chats with some girls in the 20-25 age range. Some, possibly all, could have been developed into meetings.

Some contacts I blew up by not understanding the etiquette. As I learned, the number of successful contacts increased. Not much I can say in terms of saying what works, it is pretty much a matter of sensitivity to the context. For example, one girl told me 'its all about the money'. I assumed she was on the game (there's more than a few that are or are seeking a sugar daddy/sponsorship arrangement.) She blew me out when I asked whether she wanted to meet at her place or a hotel.

There are quite a few land whales and the younger version, the fat fairy. I have become quite keen on fat fairies.

Guys over here do not seem to understand that sponsorship/sugar daddy does not mean prostitute. Women seeking an arrangement also want an emotional connection. But the blokes just want a shag for money. There's easier better routes to paid sex than Tinder.

You seem to get more matches the more active you are. So, swipe right a lot. Weed 'em out if they choose you but you're not interested. I'd be surprised if the algorithm didn't also push down members who do that too much and don't initiate a conversation with a too high proportion of matches.

The bottom line for meeting women seems to be this:
1) Looks are absolutely not everything.
2) Appearing to be solvent is an aphrodisiac, but bragging is a turnoff so signal carefully rather than shouting about it.
3) Even if you just want sex, don't make it obvious. In conversation, focus on emotional needs and optimistic futures.
4) If you say you're going to do something, do it - even if it is just to continue a chat later on, or the next day.
5) Don't appear needy, by my age I am expected to be in control of my life and very few normal women are into building work!

     Go for it!! If your single living in a foreign country Tinder can be like heaven!! It's not just for casual sex..though if your living in another country where the women are nice you can go have a **** every night.. .  People aways say you cannot meet serious people on Tinder or you cannot meet a serious women at a night club .. of course you  can.. it's like saying serouse women never go to night clubs or bars?? dont they? Where do they go then on the weekend with friends? Church..

[andrewfi]

Halo, by putting this stuff in a profile one is only closing doors. Most guys will be happy enough to wait a while anyway. A bloke who just wanted sex is not going to be very deterred by such words.

Such profiles, in my opinion, in a marketplace such as tinder do not serve the poster well.

In relationships, in meeting people, we do better to be open. Every lig term relationship starts with a meeting, a one-night stand where both people chose to continue

[Halo]

It's closing a door to you.  It's subjective.  Other men may not be put off by such a statement.  But, that wasn't my point.  My point was, and is, that the statement doesn't mean "I want a relationship as soon as we meet."  That's just stupid.  It's "Don't waste my time if all you are looking for is a FWB relationship."

[Guile]

andrewfi how old are you? I thought you were over 50 so targeting women from 20-25 seems a bit young.  And what country are you in now, Spain or Estonia?

[Guile]

and what exactly do you mean by "fat fairy"?  In American slang, a "fairy" is a gay guy".

[andrewfi]

You see Halo, you are making the same unforced error as the women to whom I referred. You are making assumptions not based in fact.

You claim to be a lawyer but sometimes can't think for sh!t - you let your prejudices and emotions colour your 'thoughts'.

Most men are not looking for a single meeting, sex and then nothing more. We don't. Some do, and most of them are not people you want to know. Putting words on a website is not a magic spell that makes them go away.

All ANY guy has to to do is say to her 'I am not like that' whatever the woman's chosen 'not like that' might be. Worse than that, by telling us what her chosen phobia is, she is telling the world what her weakness is and how to avoid it or how to take advantage of it. That's just like the serial abusees who tell the world through their dating profiles exactly what their desirable (to an abuser) characteristics are.

The real question is this: how did the woman get to a place where her experience of relationships is a series of initial meetings, possibly with sex, followed by nothing? Because those words do not come out of nowhere. There's a reason for them.

No, I, as a normal bloke, want to meet normal women. I understand that while one might choose to have sex on first meeting it isn't a given, and certainly not expected. So, what's wrong with the woman that her experience, in dating, is a succession of one night stands? Do I want to meet such a woman? Swipe left.

But, yes, to get to that point requires thoughts rather than the inferior substitute of 'feelz'.

[Halo]

You're the one who can't think. 

Women who are putting such a statement in a profile do so typically because they have received responses from men who are not looking for a long term relationship.

You don't know how women think, but worse, believe you do.  That's probably why you're still single.

[BillyB]

All ANY guy has to to do is say to her 'I am not like that' whatever the woman's chosen 'not like that' might be. Worse than that, by telling us what her chosen phobia is, she is telling the world what her weakness is and how to avoid it or how to take advantage of it. That's just like the serial abusees who tell the world through their dating profiles exactly what their desirable (to an abuser) characteristics are.

On American dating sites, I've seen a few women mention in their profiles they don't want men who sends dick pics. Perverts who want to get into that woman's pants will adjust their behavior to get into that woman's pants. They won't send dick pics but they are still perverted.

The women should allow men to be who they are without giving them tips.

[andrewfi]

Billy, that's exactly it!

These women are setting themselves up to be misled. They are telling guys exactly how to mislead them.

A while back I learned something from an abuse counsellor that was insightful and useful: Abusees usually signal that they are victims. They signal how they can be abused. Abusers are quick to latch onto those signals.

One of the strategies that abuse counsellors use to help abusees is to train them to stop sending out the signals that will attract abusers.

Knowing what I know, I do not want to be in a relationship with a woman accustomed to abusive relationships. I will not respond to women who signal their victimhood. I will not respond to women who signal that they are damaged. I will not respond to women who signal their prejudgement.

I mean, seriously, although it is a minor point, what does a woman think that telling blokes to not send dick pics is going to do? It won't change the bloke. Given what unsolicited dick pics signal, it will almost certainly not stop him. If I was the kind of bloke to send out unsolicited dick pics, a woman asking me to not do that would be akin to an invitation to do so!

I bet that the best way to NOT get dick pics is for women to put in their profiles that they want to see them! And, yes, I have seen profiles that do just that!

--------------

On a more positive note, my first Tinder meetup went very well. Our first meeting got cancelled - childcare issues. We had planned to meet for a casual meeting, no hotel, no sex, just to sniff each other out.

The reconvened meeting a few days later was, at her suggestion, hotel-based. We met, things went very well after the usual nervousness of strangers meeting for the first time. We very happily and comfortably enjoyed the facilities of the hotel. We will meet up again this weekend.

It transpired that she has a fantasy about having a relationship with an older guy. Her fantasy is being fulfilled in a manner that exceeded her expectations. She certainly exceeded my own expectations. She is clearly having her mind altered by our encounters and I am happy with that. We are both seeing something different to what we expected at the outset.

Still getting contacts from Tinder, all the contacts are still from much younger women, usually under 25 years of age. I am not following any of them up.

[Manny]

and what exactly do you mean by "fat fairy"?  In American slang, a "fairy" is a gay guy".

I know what this means, but it may be better if Andrew explains it.

[andrewfi]

Fat fairy is a young very attractive woman who happens to be heavier than her healthy weight. A bit chubby, but with a nice curvy figure, usually well dressed to show off their form.

These are women who, right now, look sexy, but will probably in a few years just look overweight. I reckon that some of them would look even better with a few fewer kilos, but right now they look just fine.

[Guile]

never heard of the term "fat fairy" when I was in the UK.  "bird" was something I heard a bit.  just don't say that to an American or they'll think you're gay!