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Author Topic: More than I bargained for...  (Read 1213 times)

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Offline Silkytiger

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More than I bargained for...
« on: April 20, 2019, 04:48:52 PM »
Greetings and salutations to everyone!  Let me start by saying that I greatly appreciate the wonderful advice and info that members have posted to this most useful site.

I'm only a month into this journey of finding a prospective partner fro the FSU.

Like most US men, I've dated people from all over the World who are located in the US.  In the past, I have never considered the possibility of seeking out a bride outside the country due to the hardships that it entails.

I'm attractive, healthy, educated, successful and well-balanced.  I've had a handful of deep and meaningful relationships in my almost 50 years, but as most would understand... the conflicts of traditional vs. modern values of American women have taken its toll on this poor soul.

I count my blessings.  Nearly 85% of my friends and co-workers are divorced, economically in shambles, and paying alimony.

American women aren't too different from women in other countries, but their major flaw is their developed sense of deep entitlement and hatred for men.  They want men to have traditional values, but they also want modern values that are often focused on personal needs rather than a role in a family.  So what's a guy to do? 

Some obligatory stats...
* 53% of all US marriages end up in Divorce
* Average span of marriage is 8.6 years
* 6% of marriages make to 30yrs of marriage

Moreover, on the US Dating sites, the majority of profiles are of divorced, overweight women with kids.  By now, every guy is hearing the alarm signal loudly: " Warning!Warning!Warning!  To ignore this chime would be to invite disaster akin to pulling and inserting a pin again and again from a hand grenade.

Enough said.   

<Making the sign of the cross as I write> 
So after reading all the available info from YouTube channels, message boards, commercial dating sites, etc.  Is it me, or is there also SO MUCH contradictory information out there to make me think twice about entering St. Johns Seminary and seeking a partner in god rather than an Eve on Earth?

There are sites that promote the obvious reasons for US men to look abroad.  They offer access to women that are:
* traditional and seeking marriage to establish a family (a woman is the neck, the man the head)
* willing to move abroad to start a life with you
etc.etc.etc.

On the other hand, the more recent content starts outlining the issues of age gap, settling for someone less attractive, maybe a single mother.  Women here don't want to leave or be saved.  They will question your motives.  You deserve to be scammed.  YIKES!

WTF?

Not wishing to invite any trolls, let me say the following caveats...

I'm not a chauvinist.  I am not a self-absorbed Yank who condescends on other countries.  I am not looking to establish "game" or a man who is looking for sex tourism or here to trick girls into my bed. I love kids, but have not had the luck to find my better half and have any.  I tithe to charities, love kids and animals, and respect people regardless of any qualifiers.  Nothing against single mothers.  So please, don't judge me.

If I am being asked to shell out between 10-100K of currency and spend weeks, months, years to woo a woman from the FSU that has self-esteem issues, pessimistic, and beyond her prime and doesn't want kids with me...why bother?

Dating sites tell you an age gap is acceptable in the FSU countries because women mature earlier, they seek better opportunities that you are offering abroad, and are seeking a financially stable or wealthy man who can provide everything they would ever want. 

However, the plethora of marriage agencies (full of self-called psychologists and experts) and social tours all tell you to be REALISTIC and to focus instead on divorced, single mothers and/or someone who is less attractive. 

Furthermore,  scanning the online dating profiles, the majority of them all seem to look for men who are no older than 3-5 years... and MANY seeking younger men who are up to 10 yrs their junior.
 
Right about now, that priesthood calling is looking like the BEST option.  A close second is the 25lb overweight single mother who is still hot, but has plenty of mileage and three kids from two separate fathers. 

 :'(

Online AvHdB

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2019, 05:08:38 PM »
Welcome to RUA

My suggestion is ask your self are you willing to accept some one who's not perfect?

While I could ask other questions perhaps reading travel threads of those who have neem successful and those who failed.

There is no one correct way to do this bit a hundred ways to make a mess of this endeavour. Ask questions and you will hear a range of opinions. Figure out what fits your situation.

A few simple questions, do you have a passport, do foreign cultures upset you and do you have the funds/time to do this.

A joyous Easter. Av

“If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” T.S. Eliot

Offline Manny

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2019, 06:26:37 PM »
Welcome to the site.

There is a lot of historical reading in our archives on the subjects that will keep you going for many many months. You have to filter out the goodness from among the white noise but it is what it is, there is much experience here despite the bickering and trolling you may read occasionally. Ask questions and you’ll get good answers.

Have you travelled to the FSU yet? How are you fixed for time, as AV mentioned, not having enough time to follow it through to its conclusion is a killer for a lot of guys. Having a couple of weeks holiday from work a year simply isn’t enough time. If you have more flexibility than the average bloke it will be advantageous.

please tell me where I'm being / have been 'dishonest'? 
Yes, he said that.........


Online BillyB

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2019, 07:15:36 PM »

Welcome to the forum Silkytiger. There are many good American women but they tend to get married and stay married. What's leftover is not appetizing. Divorce rates in Russia and Ukraine are similar to America's. Divorce rates over there may be due to differing reasons than what we normally see in America. Over there you will see many beautiful highly educated women looking for love compared to available the overweight women with tattoos and that are 420 friendly here. Still...you have to choose wisely wherever you decide to find a woman. Some guys are better at spotting and attracting quality women and some guys have a knack finding and attracting all the insincere women. If you do not read people well, you need to worry no matter where you decide to look for a woman.

Online Dogsoldier

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2019, 12:19:41 AM »
Welcome Silkytiger.

A thoughtful introductory post.

I would say that the market for FSUW has been in decline for some years now.
However, a decent bloke should still be able to find a nice, decent attractive woman in that part of the world.
There are a few pre requisites:
Have sufficient funds - this is not a cheap venture, it will cost a significant sum, more so as you are USAian.
Have realistic expectations - know your limitations, set your goals and stick to them. You will find plenty of 20yr old distractions along the way.
Learn some Russian- the culture shock will be huge if it’s your first experience with it so knowing a bit of the language will ease the way.
Don’t flash your cash - if you do you will probably attract the wrong type of women.
Be open to the possibilities of a different culture and respectful of it- there is a lot of good out there to learn from and be appreciative of.

These are just a few things off the top of my head but there’s lots more and what an experience it is, that’s for sure.

All I know is that Moby knows nothing - Plato.
Wiz loves talking out of his A******e - Me.

Offline Silkytiger

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2019, 02:08:12 AM »
Thank You All for your words of encouragement, wisdom, and advice.

Like everything in Life, nothing is ever simple or easy. 

I may just take baby steps and start with dating women form the FSU here in the US.  I also visit Cypress quite often and may find a summer romance in Ayia Napa. 

I have traveled to Moscow, and Smolensk for business.  Am considering visiting Belarus and Ukraine. 

The points raised are all valid.  The good ones marry early and stay married.  In the Bible Belt and South of the US, there are plenty of successful and long marriages.   I just find it a disturbing trend when I see so many women's profiles that are Divorced, Single Mothers, and Single/Single Mothers.  I won't even begin any discussions of posts from Dubai or Pune ...

I don't accept the claims that Russian Men are alcoholics and wife beaters.  Modern women tend to forget that as Mothers, they are accountable to how their sons turn out.  It's more likely that a woman's expectations are unrealistic, since a relationship really fails when BOTH sides don't try hard enough to preserve it. 

It's no wonder the prevailing trend here in the US is for middle-aged men to become Sugar Daddies and avoid marriage.  It's not a good investment.

Thanks again for the info.  I'll be reading more of the great content from this site.

Silky

Offline dcguyusa

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2019, 05:10:02 PM »
Welcome to the forum.  Coming from a culture where marriage and family are expected adult outcomes in life, many people look to settle down and have a family on their own.  But for some, the random couple unions end up with the wrong results.  The one thing about any dating site is that they are in the business enterprise mode and your success is not the main goal.  Everyone has their own personalities and opinions and often will conflict with yours.  Similar to brokerage firms offering you conflicting advice based on future economic scenarios.   I personally don't believe that age and past history should be determinants in choosing a partner.  The person's attitude and way of life is much more important.  Note that in the more "non-inflated FSU beauty" dating sites, the profiles tend to be much less glamorous people (and more close to people that you see in your local area).  Some have dated decades and still are single.  As some in my family tree was oft to quote -  if you are not married when you enter adulthood, something must be wrong with you.   :chuckle:

Recent estimates indicate that religious vocations is becoming less popular with young adults.  The number of church attendees have been dropping over the past decade in the USA.  So if you want to enter the seminary, there should be plenty of open slots.   :)
An uninformed opponent is a dangerous opponent.

"Y'all be makin shit up" ~ Markeith Loyd

Offline Olga_Mouse

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SilkyTiger
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2019, 01:31:52 AM »
I have traveled to Moscow, and Smolensk for business. 
Am considering visiting Belarus and Ukraine. 

Hi Tiger, if you have already visited Russia - why have you marked the number of visits in your profile as "none"?  ???
Leaving Russia is not an emigration, rather an evacuation.

Offline dcguyusa

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Re: SilkyTiger
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2019, 04:50:43 PM »
I have traveled to Moscow, and Smolensk for business. 
Am considering visiting Belarus and Ukraine. 

Hi Tiger, if you have already visited Russia - why have you marked the number of visits in your profile as "none"?  ???

Perhaps the OP thought that the number of trips category covered trips that involved dating and not business?
An uninformed opponent is a dangerous opponent.

"Y'all be makin shit up" ~ Markeith Loyd

Offline Silkytiger

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2019, 04:12:49 AM »
Sorry, I don't always complete every detail on bulletin board accounts.  Life's more interesting when there's a bit of mystery...  :)   In total so far, I have made 3 trips - twice to Москва and once to Смоленск.

Both times, I attended the annual Crocus-Expo IEC for two consecutive years; and the Smolensk trip was a personal side tour.  Loved the medieval knight displays and the gold-plated bible.  Russia truly has a rich and wonderful history.  I plan to see much more; hopefully with a new significant other.  If I can manage it later this year, I would like to visit Санкт-Петербург.  I started taking Russian lessons in December of last year.  Finding it fun and very rewarding.

Thanks to everyone for the positive remarks.  My intent in posting was to solicit some counsel from more experienced people than I in this endeavor.  There is so much contradictory info out there that's making this an effort akin to riding a roller-coaster.  But again, I made a voluntary decision to stand in line for this ride. 

What I didn't mention before was that I have three good buddies that have married Russian women, and all have been happily married for years with well-adjusted children. 

Definitely not claiming to be smart or perfect.  If I did everything correctly, I probably should have married my high school sweetheart.  But given the state of society in the US, I would probably be divorced and paying alimony now... 

Lastly, I agree the church route isn't a good option.  Though I do have strong faith, that journey would probably be even harder than my current challenge.  ;D

Peace and Love to All!

Silky

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2019, 06:28:52 AM »
Quote
If I am being asked to shell out between 10-100K of currency and spend weeks, months, years to woo a woman from the FSU that has self-esteem issues, pessimistic, and beyond her prime and doesn't want kids with me...why bother?

Such a woman might be a realistic counterpart to the bloke looking in the mirror!

You are running up to 50, as you tell us; thus, past your prime in many respects apart from the, hopeful, acquisition of wisdom. Why do you think you'd be an attractive option for a well-sorted woman young enough to breed and all of the other stuff that is implicit in such a person?

Is not a more realistic proposition a woman who has either had her kids or is too old to have more, has the outlook of a person of maturity, understands her own place in the world, and is at a similar stage of life to you?

If you can not find what you want from a population of 350,000,000 why do you think that you should hope to do so from a population of 140,000,000? Given that you are thousands of miles away, have no network to help you, do not speak the language, do not understand or share the culture and social mores, and quite obviously cannot afford to spend time over there to acquire the skills and resources you will need - how can you expect to do better in Russia than in the USA?

...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Online NS1

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2019, 10:35:14 AM »
As you will find on this forum some are quite helpful, some not so much.
Many have had success, some never did or likely ever will.
Some have ended in divorce, many are still quite happily married.

This forum has many threads, stories and history.
Spend some time reading and do the research it will be well worth it.
Ask for help with a thick skin and you will be fine.

Finding what works for you will be the the challenge.
Each trip make some local friends, this will be helpful
in many ways. Do lots of reading here.

There is nothing permanent except change.

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2019, 01:09:42 PM »
Both times, I attended the annual Crocus-Expo IEC for two consecutive years; and the Smolensk trip was a personal side tour.  Loved the medieval knight displays and the gold-plated bible.  Russia truly has a rich and wonderful history.  I plan to see much more; hopefully with a new significant other.  If I can manage it later this year, I would like to visit Санкт-Петербург.  I started taking Russian lessons in December of last year.  Finding it fun and very rewarding.


St Petersburg is a beautiful city. Learning the language can help you communicate with more women over there. Don't make a mistake in being in awe of the culture. Work on yourself and become a man the women would be in awe of.

Offline Silkytiger

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2019, 07:41:57 PM »
This will be my last post on this subject for some time.  I want to contribute positively, and I'm still going through the wonderful content this board has in it's archives. 

My points in my OP was only an opinion based on being my experience in scouring the Net and the somewhat confusing content.  Just my reaction.  Not my permanent belief system.  I respect everyone's viewpoints and don't want to come across as full of B.S. or self-righteous.  I haven't had the pleasure of meeting anyone on this site personally, so please don't judge me unless you wish to be judged.

It's the Internet... people are gonna disagree.  God Bless Us All.

Thanks again to those with helpful responses.

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2019, 08:27:54 PM »
Silkytiger, some people are going to be hard on you because we've seen many men come to the forum with jaded views of the women in their country. When looking for women overseas, the negative view of women back home most will likely hurt your chances in finding a woman elsewhere. There's a lot of women overseas that will take advantage of you too. If you can identify sincere women and attract them, you will not have to worry about getting used anywhere.

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #15 on: April 29, 2019, 06:22:56 AM »
Quote
If I am being asked to shell out between 10-100K of currency and spend weeks, months, years to woo a woman from the FSU that has self-esteem issues, pessimistic, and beyond her prime and doesn't want kids with me...why bother?

Such a woman might be a realistic counterpart to the bloke looking in the mirror!

You are running up to 50, as you tell us; thus, past your prime in many respects apart from the, hopeful, acquisition of wisdom. Why do you think you'd be an attractive option for a well-sorted woman young enough to breed and all of the other stuff that is implicit in such a person?

Is not a more realistic proposition a woman who has either had her kids or is too old to have more, has the outlook of a person of maturity, understands her own place in the world, and is at a similar stage of life to you?

If you can not find what you want from a population of 350,000,000 why do you think that you should hope to do so from a population of 140,000,000? Given that you are thousands of miles away, have no network to help you, do not speak the language, do not understand or share the culture and social mores, and quite obviously cannot afford to spend time over there to acquire the skills and resources you will need - how can you expect to do better in Russia than in the USA?

The main difference is the mindset of the single girls in Russia/Ukraine.

They usually stay the same for you as they get older not fat, short hair etc. If you do the job they are loyal to you.

As for the quest being a succes with odds given here is not likely due to the conduct of this forum which do point out the details of why you should not in the tiny details to scare anyone of for life and it happens all the time. Real help gets ignored and that is it.

Look for websites that have real DIRECT contact and have experience with the acutal culture enough to guide you to succes. That is the the difference. Avoid the obvious glitsy pay this and that websites look for Skype calls and DIRECT communication and then see if you are the man for the job. What they are looking for. Look for max 10 years for age difference and you should be pretty set on avoiding the scams being expecting to land a 20 to 30 year old. Ignore that and you pay for it.

Online Guile

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #16 on: April 29, 2019, 08:44:10 AM »
Put in the work to learn Russian to a conversational level.  Get on the ground and don't dress like an obvious tourist or expat.

Online andrewfi

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Re: More than I bargained for...
« Reply #17 on: April 30, 2019, 04:35:16 PM »
Mr. Strange and others, see my reply which has been moved here: http://ruadventures.com/forum/index.php?topic=27988.msg493371#msg493371
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!


 

 

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