Is marriage for life?

[AJ]

 If I'm right, why does there need to be so much vitriol when a marriage ends?

There isn't always.
Having been divorced once I can say there was virtually none.

I know many divorced couples that get along well on many various  aspects of interaction, socially,  and with child rearing.

I'd say it has far more to do with the individuals involved, their character, beliefs ,and values.
This effects  whether the marriage endures, and effects how it is handled if it dies not endure.

So choose life partners wisely.

I do feel marriage is a lifetime commitment
(Yes despite having been divorced )

[dcguyusa]

So choose life partners wisely.

You need to consider the "worst case scenario" with the prospective spouse.  While people can change over time, you need to assess how future changes can impact the relationship and the other person.

[NS1]

Life as we know it was in general created by religion.
At the basic levels we are an animal and one that is not designed to mate for life.
Yet with religion and the social structure that was created through time it is considered
normal and part of life. Though most of the last hundred years people who did not get married
and have kids were looked upon as different ( being polite)
in the 21st century we have cycled somewhat into do as you like its your life.
Yet even with that we attempt to mate for life.

the Divorce rate in most G-20 nations is bouncing around 50%
take it from that if people succeed or not lol.
In North America Divorce rate is closer to 50%
If you liked to gamble most would not if they new they had less
than 50/50 chances if winning, not at least without some odds
yet most people attempt marriage at least once.

things that make you go hmmmm,

[andrewfi]

Life is a long time when a couple might be together for 60 or more years. Once upon a time, a couple did not expect to live far beyond the raising of the kids. A lifetime of marriage in such days was maybe 20 years.

Religion did not create the idea of couples. Humans take a long time to rear and, in the past, the task needed two people. One did the hunting and rearing, the other raised the kids and did the cooking.

Religion formalised the labour division and emphasised the importance of joint rearing.

[msmoby]

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My parents, Grandparents and Great-Grandparents were all married until death parted them. ...even though they weren't supposed 'to live so long'.

It is bloomin' obvious that the generations born in the fifties and onwards do not seem to manage to stay together.

Why? I expect bailing out in hard times was too difficult?

[rosco]

[off topic content removed]

My parents, Grandparents and Great-Grandparents were all married until death parted them. ...even though they weren't supposed 'to live so long'.

It is bloomin' obvious that the generations born in the fifties and onwards do not seem to manage to stay together.

Why? I expect bailing out in hard times was too difficult?

Don’t dismiss the current generations living in an era of disposing, replacing & renewing once things get old, worn, problematic and too much of a hassle. Divorce and it’s handsome yields, driven by greed and liberalism will have a factor to play too.

[msmoby]

Rosco, I have been divorced twice..

Once, at my instigation, t'other not.

In neither case monetary gain was at the forefront of the instigator.

[rosco]

Rosco, I have been divorced twice..

Once, at my instigation, t'other not.

In neither case monetary gain was at the forefront of the instigator.

There’s more to this world than just you mate.

[msmoby]

Rosco, I have been divorced twice..

Once, at my instigation, t'other not.

In neither case monetary gain was at the forefront of the instigator.

There’s more to this world than just you mate.

You been divorced twice ?)

[Guile]

Rosco, I have been divorced twice..

Once, at my instigation, t'other not.

In neither case monetary gain was at the forefront of the instigator.

There’s more to this world than just you mate.

You been divorced twice ?)

being divorced is a sign of failure...your kids suffered. don't brag about it. lots of people divorce cause of money. just cause you have none doesn't mean they don't.

check alimony and child support...wait did you pay?

[Dogsoldier]

Rosco, I have been divorced twice..

Once, at my instigation, t'other not.

In neither case monetary gain was at the forefront of the instigator.

There’s more to this world than just you mate.

You been divorced twice ?)

He means that every post/topic isn’t about you.

[msmoby]

DS,

I really did get that, but the question was valid, surely?

When I asked the previous 2 ladies to marry me, a lifetime of living together was intended.

[Manny]

being divorced is a sign of failure...

It can be but it need not be. People can drift apart or grow at different rates, and the fact that some acknowledge that and amicably divorce does not make them failures.

Please refrain from personal comments about other posters lives.

[Dogsoldier]

DS,

I really did get that, but the question was valid, surely?

When I asked the previous 2 ladies to marry me, a lifetime of living together was intended.

I think Rosco was referring to a younger, more fickle, generation who are more easily wont to dispose of unwanted baggage then an older generation, so in that context, no, I don’t think it was a valid question because you tend to only see things through the narrow prism of your own experience and bring those into your posts.

[msmoby]

DS,

I do not know how you arrived at that distinction having reread R's words and STILL fail to see the 'irrelevence' of my question..

Those of us that have failed marriages...don't you think they might have valid perspectives?

being divorced is a sign of failure...your kids suffered. don't brag about it. lots of people divorce cause of money. just cause you have none doesn't mean they don't.

check alimony and child support...wait did you pay?

No bragging was suggested / intended

There was plenty of money involved in both divorces...property and pension rights

The family courts ruled on my pensions / child support where kids involved. There is no outstanding amounts owed by me.

[NS1]

how many divorces someone has irrelevant.
The question is marriage for life.  Yes many here have been divorced.
In some cases its how we ended up here.
I have only been divorced once, but had a couple of failed relationships.
Common-law if you prefer. I believe it is a challenge to stay married for 50 years
Like maybe parents or grand parents did. In my case not possible, won't live long enough.

As said above in the I want it all and I want it now generation its even a bigger challenge.
They get divorced over anything in a heartbeat. Some get married in a heartbeat.
It takes lots of patience, conversation, adjusting, understanding and mutual respect.
to make any relationship last and even more so in the 21st century.

[msmoby]

DS

It is a lot easier to get divorced, these days and less shame / blame associated.

I do not think life is harder, now than it was for our grandparents.

And yet?... My sailing club has just lost it's second member to suicide in a year..  both seemingly great personalities with great futures.

[rosco]

how many divorces someone has irrelevant.
The question is marriage for life.  Yes many here have been divorced.
In some cases its how we ended up here.
I have only been divorced once, but had a couple of failed relationships.
Common-law if you prefer. I believe it is a challenge to stay married for 50 years
Like maybe parents or grand parents did. In my case not possible, won't live long enough.

As said above in the I want it all and I want it now generation its even a bigger challenge.
They get divorced over anything in a heartbeat. Some get married in a heartbeat.
It takes lots of patience, conversation, adjusting, understanding and mutual respect.
to make any relationship last and even more so in the 21st century.

Agreed. It’s pretty much what I posted above too. Chuck in a cash windfall and in many cases, people now prefer to cash out, like a paddy power bet.