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Author Topic: Is marriage for life?  (Read 1581 times)

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Offline justadude

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Is marriage for life?
« on: January 05, 2019, 06:26:53 PM »
It will probably be difficult to get any useful data from this thread, me being me and all. I considered posting this in my adventure story report, but am hoping (not a lot of hope, honestly) it can be more objectively answered here.

Marrying a person from another country notwithstanding, do you believe marriage is for life? Roughly half of first marriages end in divorce and a much larger portion of 2nd and 3rd marriages do. The median length of a marriage in the US is 11 years.

With the stats being what they are, is it not foolish to enter a marriage expecting to stay married for life, or to feel sorely cheated if both partners outlive the marriage?

I don't necessarily think a marriage that ends in divorce was a failure, in the same way a corporation that divides itself in two is not necessarily a failure. Yes there will likely be hurt (I don't want to understate this) feelings, but I think it's possible for two people to be together for a time (married or not), to split up and to realize that they have benefited from their time together (which is not to say that all marriages are mutually beneficial).

I think the foundation of our divorce laws is this antiquated equation: marriage=survival. For vast segments of the population, that was true up until the 1950s, but isn't largely true anymore in America. If I'm right, why does there need to be so much vitriol when a marriage ends? 

Online BillyB

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2019, 10:21:00 PM »
Marrying a person from another country notwithstanding, do you believe marriage is for life? Roughly half of first marriages end in divorce and a much larger portion of 2nd and 3rd marriages do. The median length of a marriage in the US is 11 years.


Marriage is supposed to be for life otherwise just don't get married and rotate women.

Don't get depressed by the statistics. 50% chance in getting divorce is a lot better than the odds of dying.

Online Lord of the Dance

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2019, 11:49:15 PM »
Don't get depressed by the statistics. 50% chance in getting divorce is a lot better than the odds of dying.

 :thumbsup:
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Online Steveboy

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2019, 03:38:45 AM »
Life is too short to think about divorce rates and what if!

Just enjoy your time on the planet and relax!
I support no government anywhere, ever, never. No institution, No religion!!

Online yankee

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2019, 06:32:55 AM »
Marrying a person from another country notwithstanding, do you believe marriage is for life? Roughly half of first marriages end in divorce and a much larger portion of 2nd and 3rd marriages do. The median length of a marriage in the US is 11 years.


Marriage is supposed to be for life otherwise just don't get married and rotate women.

Don't get depressed by the statistics. 50% chance in getting divorce is a lot better than the odds of dying.

Been divorced twice.  Both marriages were 18.5 years.  Successful?   I think so.
What is worse than not being able to get what you don't even want?

Offline Guile

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2019, 07:18:09 AM »
Depends on your religion. be a sect or cult leader and you can have 20 wives!!

Online rosco

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2019, 10:34:15 AM »
I believe you should get married, with the intention of staying married for life. Many things change for good and bad, as the years progress and you should be prepared to work through the hard times, be open to compromise and do your best.

Of course if you’re miserable and you’ve done your best, then it’s time to make changes. It would be rediculous staying in a miserable relationship because you feel marriage is for life.

Online andrewfi

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2019, 11:46:53 AM »
Never been married but, in part, that's because I see marriage as being a permanent state. Don't see it that way, don't get married.

On the other hand, a commitment is a commitment so don't use not seeing a relationship as being permanent let you give yourself an excuse to not commit to a person and relationship.
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Online yankee

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2019, 12:17:37 PM »
Never been married but, in part, that's because I see marriage as being a permanent state. Don't see it that way, don't get married.

On the other hand, a commitment is a commitment so don't use not seeing a relationship as being permanent let you give yourself an excuse to not commit to a person and relationship.


Andrew, did you know that most divorces in the USA are filed by the wife?
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Online andrewfi

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2019, 02:20:07 PM »
Yes, I did. And there's good reasons for that. Some might say that it is because women can profit from divorce in the USA but my feeling, based upon my experience and information is that in modern societies marriage offers fewer benefits to women than to men - particularly once kids are grown up. But that has no impact upon myself, or that I think that marriage is a commitment that one makes for life. There is perhaps a need for some kind of short-term legal commitment, a short-term marriage, renewable by an agreement that ends without penalty at the end of the contracted period. Of course, that'd not go down well with many people for all sorts of reasons but given increasing lifespans through the civilized world (apart from the USA) a lifetime can be a very long time!
...everything ends always well; if it’s still bad, then it’s not the end!

Online Mr strange

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2019, 08:03:51 PM »
Married or not I am 100% dedicated for the true love of my special one. That I know within myself.

Offline dcguyusa

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2019, 06:06:17 PM »
For those religiously inclined, marriage was considered as a sacred covenant between the couple.  So breaking apart was a violation of the sacrament.  This was one reason why some stayed married despite not being an actual couple.  For those not concerned with this, they can form a relationship outside of marriage.  "Living in sin" was a big issue before the 1960s.  Women tended to be home makers who depended on the "bread winner" for their livelihood.  The termination of a marriage and "living in sin" are no longer looked down upon as in the past.  People still get married thinking that it will last until death. Since half break apart, then it seems that some people are getting married with false expectations.  Should these failed marriages been looked upon as successes?  It depends.  Some produce children.  Some end up in financial or mental anguish.  Some end up in murder.  Sometimes you wish you could have chosen a "different path" instead of the failed marriage.  Unless you are fabulously wealthy, your options in life will be limited (and that applies to >99% of the world's population).
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Offline justadude

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2019, 10:11:24 PM »
Some interesting responses. I think it's an interesting idea to toss around. I think it's undeniable that the purpose of marriage, societal attitudes about marriage, the lengths of marriages and the reasons people marry have changed quite a bit throughout history. I would venture that perhaps the last 60 years, in the USA at least, has seen the biggest shifts in the shortest amount of time.

Offline dcguyusa

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2019, 05:38:55 PM »
The Vietnam war brought big changes in American society.  The "hippie" generation usurped the previous images of the American male.  The female "home maker" image also became less common.  And the "pill" helped to spur the sexual revolution.

Quote
On May 9, 1960, the FDA announced it would approve Enovid 10 mg for contraceptive use, and did so on June 23, 1960.

Psychedelic drug use went rampant.  Rock music changed the young.  And the introduction of TV allowed you to see many things that you could not do so before (other than through radio, newspaper, and magazines).  All in the 1960s. Probably the biggest shift since the Industrial Revolution.


Where are the Luddites?   :chuckle:
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Online yankee

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Re: Is marriage for life?
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2019, 03:18:51 AM »
The Vietnam war brought big changes in American society.  The "hippie" generation usurped the previous images of the American male.  The female "home maker" image also became less common.  And the "pill" helped to spur the sexual revolution.

Quote
On May 9, 1960, the FDA announced it would approve Enovid 10 mg for contraceptive use, and did so on June 23, 1960.

Psychedelic drug use went rampant.  Rock music changed the young.  And the introduction of TV allowed you to see many things that you could not do so before (other than through radio, newspaper, and magazines).  All in the 1960s. Probably the biggest shift since the Industrial Revolution.


Where are the Luddites?   :chuckle:

We had a TV in the late 1940s
What is worse than not being able to get what you don't even want?